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The Toxic Boy Mom's Of TikTok · The conspiracy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: The term boy mom has transformed from an innocent descriptor
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: into an internet shorthand for some of the most unsettling
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: content I've seen on social media, from mother's lip syncing
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: love songs to their infant sons.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: I found peace boy mom's, We've got to step up.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: We've got to realize that we are the problem.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: To mother's crying about their son's future wedding as if
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: it's a breakup. Y'all do not understand the problems that
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: this causes. To mothers openly declaring that no woman will
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: ever be good enough for their little man. Young boyfriends,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: well it's not his girlfriend, that's his mom. Ick, So
• 0:52
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• 2:34
  Speaker 1: today I went through I went through a rabbit hole. Okay,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I was on TikTok. I've had a lot of friends
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: start to give birth, have babies, all this stuff, so
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: my phone just thinks that I want to see that stuff.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: And besides the obvious, just seeing way too many kids
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: online and parents take advantage of that. We'll talk about
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: that later as well. Even though I've talked that, I've
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: seen some serious talk behavior, and many other people have
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: seen very toxic behavior, specifically in boy moms. And I'm
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: gonna say toxic boy moms because there are far more
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: amazing boy moms that outweigh the toxic boy moms. So
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: we're talking about the toxic ones today, okay, because we
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: need because that's the tea, all right. And yes, there
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: are plenty of toxic fathers as well, being blatantly inappropriate
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: with daughters and everything, but that is seen as bad.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I think most pretty much one hundred percent of the
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: world can see that as bad and it's not looked
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: in any positive way. But when we look at these
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: toxic boy moms, it's a culture. It's like it's okay,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: with society and that is weird to me and to
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: a lot of other people. But I just wanted to
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: say that as a disclaimer. I know the mommy's watching this.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you are a wonderful boy mom and this
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: isn't about you, okay, But if you watch this video
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: and by the end you get offended by what I'm saying,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I think we might need a little therapy. But we'll see,
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: you know. I mean, let's just get into it though.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: So in first seeing and diving into this subject, I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: came across a very toxic boy mom, of course, and
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: she's a very popular TikToker called Anna Secone Jaw Jolly Jolie.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I don't totally know, never seen her before, but she
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: just popped up on my page and my god, did
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: it make me cringe. But she has millions of followers
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: across platforms and her main shtick is, you know, did
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: lifestyle blogger and being a mom, but most of all,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: being a boy mom. Even though she has daughters who
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: will watch these videos later in life and see that
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: their mom definitely doesn't love them as much as her son.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: But this video that she posted years ago now, but
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: one that I have come across. She stated, we.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Never thought that I would be that toxic boy mom.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: I love my four kids equally, okay, but that last
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: little boy just hits different.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: That is the most contradictory thing I've ever heard.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: And now I feel like I'm having this existential crisis,
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: or I wouldn't be that mom, that toxic boy mom.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: And she continued that when she thinks about her daughter's weddings,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: she gets excited, but when she thinks about her son's wedding,
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: she wants to cry because, like I said in the
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: intro of this video, it's like they're going through a
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: breakup with their son, which is feing weird.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: So when I think about my daughters getting married, I
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: get excited, right go at their dresses, planning their weddings.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: When I think about my son's wedding, I want to cry.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: And then one of the most disturbing parts of that
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: video is when she admits that her son punches and
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: hits her daughters or his sisters, but she just lets
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: it slide because he might be having a hard day.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: He hits his sisters, he punches them. I'm like, maybe
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: he's having a hard day.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: And then doubled down by calling herself the new villain
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: of TikTok and that she's, you know, hashtag toxic mom
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: and a proud boy mom. But that is so disturbing
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: that she's so self aware that she's like, yeah, I
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: definitely favored him and I let him hit my daughters
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: and like it's okay. I can't even imagine how those
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: daughters feel, and like the relationship you're going to have
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: with them. Actually, sorry, the lack of relationship you're going
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: to have with them when they're older. It's gonna shock you.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I think it shouldn't, but I'm sure it will, because
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: that is extremely disturbing behavior. You're raising a son to
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: think it's okay to hit girls, and that mom thinks
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: it's okay, and it's just this whole just psychological shit soup.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: But luckily, the majority of the comments on that specific
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: video are very negative towards what she's saying. One saying quote,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I'm dating a boy whose mom is exactly like you,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: and he plans on going no contact with his mom
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: after our wedding. Exactly. Yeah. Not only are the daughters
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: not going to be in contact with you, probably the
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: sun will be too. Unless he's really clingy and he
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: needs you. Then that's even works actually, and then another
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: comment said, quote, I have a mom like this, we
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: don't talk anymore on which is so true, and there's plenty,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: plenty more, but this video was just kind of the
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: cherry on top. I went through so many other videos
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: that were just as disturbing and honest, the whole time
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I'm watching them, I just feel so bad for the daughters.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Just icky. It's so icky, and it makes me sad.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: And then there was the era in carter lyric trend
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: was just another weird trend of videos that involves moms
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: holding their baby sons while lip syncing to Aaron carter lyrics,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: saying quote, you'll be his first kiss, his first love,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: et cetera, which in broad term seems like a sweet
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: sentiment until you consider that it sets his second love
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: up as a rival to his mommy, so future partners
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: of the son are now seen as competitors to the
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: mom from birth. It's just it's just weird. It's just like,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: you know, it's it's cool to love your son. Of
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: course you're gonna love your son, but it's like the
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: way they go about it. It's like there's the kissing
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: the and the like why do you need to be
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: his first kiss? And why does that need to be
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: a competitive thing with his future girlfriend? Like there's plenty
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: of videos where it's just like, I'll be his first kiss,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: you know, and it's just like, just know that I'll
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: be his first kiss. It's like what, there's too many
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: trends like that, and it's just disturbing. It's like, we
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: get it, you want to your son. And then there
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: was the teaching my son to cook controversy, which is
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: another viral video trend that gave me the ick, especially
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: when I saw the caption of one of them saying,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: making sure my son can cook. So he's not impressed
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: by your daughter's lasagna. He's gonna need a home cooked meal, Okay, bitch?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: What the like that? It's so weirdly possessive and it
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: just grubs. It's just gross. And there's so many videos
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: like that where like, boy, mom's just hopped on this
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: trend and they're like, yeah, my son's my boyfriend and
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: I always want him to be with me and he
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: can't ever be with another earl And it's just like
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: but there was sparked backlash, and a new counter trend
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: emerged from that, which I love, and I think it
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: was the Wilson's at the Wilson's who offered a healthier
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: perspective and a better trend that was still cooking with
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: her son, but saying, quote, teaching my son how to cook,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: so your daughters don't have to deal with a man
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: who thinks cooking is a woman's job and not a
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: life skill. Now that's a model boy mom right there. Okay,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: that's healthy, that's great, and we love a man who
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: could cook. You know, that's good. It doesn't all have
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: to be a competition, okay. And then there was another
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: trend that literally made my skin crawl, dude, and it
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: is mom's posting photos or videos with their sons of
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: like an older age, like usually like a preteen or teenager,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: still underaged, and it's your son. So it's weird, but
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: it says forced to be your mother, born to be
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: your lover. That's a straight to jail card for me.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Can't you flip that around with a dad and a daughter.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: That's jake, You're going to jail, dude? Like what I
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: don't understand, Like the I don't know, I don't know
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: what do I know? You know, what do I know?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: I don't have a kid, But I tell you what,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: wouldn't be saying that shit because that's weird and then
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: not to mention there. I mean, there's so many other
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: trends or videos that seen like a mom like literally
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: making out with her infant son, and there was so
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: much backlash on that. I'm not even gonna like, I
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: don't know if there's a way we can completely blur it,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: but it's disgusting and so wrong, and it's like, yeah,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: of course you're you're like your mom can peck you
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: on the cheek or like do a little peck on
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: the lips or something when you're a baby. This woman
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: was making out with her baby and it made me
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: want to vomit. But it all goes deeper than just
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: oh my god, that mom just loves her son a
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: little too much, a little creepy. But you know, it's
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: all right. I guess it can actually be a psychological
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: and life altering problem because researchers and critics have identified
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: consistent patterns in problematic boy mom content, like calling sons
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: my first boy boyfriend or the only man who won't
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: leave me he will in the future just wait okay,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: because you're crazy and using romantic music over videos with
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: infant sons and framing growing up as the longest breakup
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: of your life, which is just disturbing. It's just disturbing
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: language that these toxic boy moms are using. Not to
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: mention videos with captions like why would he take another
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: female when he has me? And moms making inappropriate comments
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: about their son's bodies, including their genitals. It gets very disturbing.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Not to mention the mother in law aspect, where they
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: have pov me at my son's wedding and videos showing
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: jealousy toward future daughter in laws before they're even like
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: a toddler, or laughing at or excusing son's physical aggression
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: toward sisters, like the example I gave before, and a
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: therapist on TikTok under the username it mentally unwell went
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: viral explaining the psychological roots of the phenomenon on TikTok.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: We've all heard of the atipisk complex thing, which is
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: basically just Freud saying that sons developed unconscious feelings of
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: attraction early on towards their moms and a sense of
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: rivalry with their dad, and that brings me to the
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: psychology of all of this, the impact this has on
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: mother and son and daughters and fathers, everybody, And that
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: is when this closeness becomes enmeshment or covert incest or
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: emotional incest. So the term covert was introduced by doctor
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Kenneth Adams in his nineteen ninety one book Silently Seduced.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: When parents make their children partners, and according to the
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: American Psychological Association, emotional incest is a form of emotional
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: abudence where a parent uses a child for emotional needs
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: that should be obtained from an adult partner. And doctor
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Adams explained in a Psychology Today interview quote, covert incest
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: describes a relationship between a parent and child in which
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: the child feels more like a romantic partner. Typically, the
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: parent is motivated by the loneliness and emptiness of a
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: troubled marriage, so he or she turns the child into
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: a surrogate partner. There is not necessarily any kind of
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: overt inappropriate touching, although I've personally seen a lot of
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: that on social media, which is disturbing. The quote goes on,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: but the relationship feels too close for comfort to the
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: child unquote. And he actually uses the word icky to
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: describe how this feels, which I agree. The whole thing
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: is just saying, quote, it just feels like it's too close.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: The child thinks, I shouldn't be sitting here watching soap
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: operas with you, mom while you tell me about your
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: sex frustration with dad unquote. And obviously, like I said before,
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: this goes both ways and fathers and daughters or fathers
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: and sons or mothers and daughters. But this boy mom
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: phenomenon is one of which has become okay and accepted,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: and that's my issue with it, and that segues into
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: the son's bind phenomenon or the son husband phenomenon. I'll
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: always be the first woman in his life, she says,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: his little girlfriend. Yeah, she's his girlfriend. I don't think
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: she's trying to take your spot? Does she tries? She
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: could never. Joshi loves his mommy. He'll always love me
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: more than he loves her. It's just a different kind
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: of love, like you don't love your dad the same
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: way you love your husband. She doesn't even cook her
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: clean for him, like she's not doing his laundry. Why
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: is he even dating her? The Little Girl's Useless, sexy,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: beautiful thank You, which describes when a mother treats her
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: son as a surrogate spouse, expecting him to fulfill emotional
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: roles typically reserved for a romantic partner. And signs of
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: this include a son praised for being mature for your
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: age and for managing mother's feelings, and the mother calling
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: their son her emotional rock, which again, you know, there's
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: some scenarios where this is okay, like if it's an
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: appropriate relationship. In a lot of these toxic mom relationship
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: it's like, okay, that's what your husband's for. That's not
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: your kid's job. And it's also when children become privy
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: to adult conversations that are inappropriate for children, and mothers
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: becoming jealous of sons friendships and or romantic relationships, and
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: when sons feel obligated to prioritize their mother over their
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: partners into adulthood. And doctor Adams actually wrote a follow
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: up book specifically addressing this, called when He's Married to Mom,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: How to help mother enmeshed men open their hearts to
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: true love and commitment. So this issue is bad enough
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: for Noctor to write a book about it, but multiple
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: sources confirm that marital dissatisfaction is a primary driver in
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: this phenomenon. Is when parents face intimacy issues, the mother
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: may unconsciously turn to her son to fill emotional needs,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: and the TikToker therapist I mentioned before mentions this saying quote,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: toxic mothers will often look to their children to meet
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: emotional needs. Dads, if there is a male child, he
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: can give the mother that attention and affection she wants
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: from a male unquote and again not necessarily sexual in nature,
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: but inappropriate emotionally. And the pattern typically emerges from divorce
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: or separation, emotionally unavailable, or a husband's or the parent's
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: own childhood trauma or mental health struggles, and a psych
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: central notes quote enmeshment can be rooted in divorce or
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: the parent felt vulnerable and sought comfort, love and connection
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: from their child unquote. And While Sigmund Freud has been
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: largely discredited his and Raymond Disassur's concept of Jocosta complex,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: which is named after Odipysus's mother, who unknowingly married her
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: own son after he killed his own father and became king.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: That's a whole other thing, really disturbing story. But the
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Jocosta complex describes mothers becoming emotionally possessive of sons, viewing
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: them as substitutes for partner connection, and modern psychologists focus
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: less on these sexual interpretations and more on attachment theory,
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: boundary violations, and narcissistic supply, which is that children are
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: used as sources of validation, which segues perfectly into that
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: toxic mother in law, you know what I mean. But
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: it's just these it's these women that need validation from
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: their sons, that need them to tell them that, you know,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: they're the best women in their life and they'll always
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: be number one in their life. It's it's just you know,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: narcissistic red flag numero uno. And it's actually interesting because
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: research does confirm that gendered favoritism is widespread and measurable
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: because there's two sides to this. There are daughters that
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: are being ignored or treated differently just because they are girls,
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: and mothers are twice as likely to be critical of
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: daughters versus and the twenty twenty two Institute for Family
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Studies survey found that youngest sons are most likely to
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: report being the favorite, which is around forty four percent,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: but the daughters of these particular toxic boy moms, often
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: serving as scapegoats, absorbing blame to preserve the mother's perfect
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: self image, and research shows a disfavored children experience with
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: low self worth and feelings of rejection and inadequacy and
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: a giving up mentality, feeling like they can never be worthy,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: and a very skewed sense of identity defining themselves in
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: relation to the favored sibling, and not to mention lower
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: self esteem that persists into adulthood. And according to psychology today,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: narcissistic mothers may perceive daughters as threats and competitors rather
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: than children to nurture, with saying quote, if attention is
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: drawn away from the mother, the child may suffer retaliation,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: put downs in punishment, and the mother can be jealous
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: of her daughter for many reasons, her looks, her youth,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: material possessions, accomplishments, education, and even the girl's relationship with
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: the father unquote. So basically, don't have kids if you're
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: a narcissistic piece of shit. It can't work that out
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: in therapy before you go on to pro create. That's
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: all I'm saying. You know, I feel like everybody should
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: go through at least a if not multiple therapy sessions
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: before they have children, just to like work out their shit.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: You know, I've gone through tons of therapy. I don't
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: even have kids, but like that comes up, I'm like,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: I want to make sure all this is in order
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: before I am to procreate, because I don't want to
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: push onto my kid anything that I'm struggling with. You know,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: like we all have our demons. None of us are perfect.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: But I feel like that is a giant cause of this,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: as people just being completely unaware of their narcissistic tendencies.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And we live in a very narcissistic society now. I
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: think with social media especially, the focus is on you
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: or like that's the whole point of everything, and you
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: need validation from people, and you need validation from yours
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: and if you're not getting validation from other people, then
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: some people, especially narcissists, are seeking it from their children,
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: and that's not fair to the kids and daughters of
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: these particular mothers may even go to experience thwarted ambition syndrome,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: where mothers actively sabotage career aspirations, and the effects carry
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: long term implications for job performance, school achievement and interpersonal relationships.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: But who would have thunk you know that your actions
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: and decisions as a parent heavily affect your child as
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: they grow into adulthood. It's weird, crazy concept, you know
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: that your kids actually grow up. And speaking of growing up,
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: that brings us into the manchild's phenomenon, because sons raised
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: in ameshed relationships often become adults who feel unable to
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: make choices without mother's input or approval, or struggle to
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: function independently or manage adult responsibilities, or expect partners to
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: mother them by doing all the cooking or cleaning or
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: emotional labor, and have learned that others will pick up
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: their slack or pick up after them and display deep
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: insecurity masked by immaturity and emotional unavailability or breaking promises
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: and missing appointments, and they can't manage their own emotions
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: and eventually leaving partners unsupported. So essentially, the mother load
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: pun intended of red flags and least attractive qualities in
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: a man basic right. So these toxic boy moms are
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: raising future nightmare partners. And we see that time and
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: time again on TikTok, because you know, we see that
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: the moms with the little kids and everything, and we're like, Okay,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: that's really weird. But then we go on to see
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: grown adult men and their partners complaining about them, and
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: that just goes back to that guy's mom back then.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Maybe not posting it on TikTok, but she was clearly
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: that toxic boy mom in her own right. And doctor
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Adams also notes that men from and meshed families often
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: experience sexuality being wounded by inappropriate emotional closeness with mothers,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: which is really really bad for their future partners. And
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: all of this coincides with another trend or another not
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: so great quality of parents, which is the helicopter parent
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: which falls under with toxic moms because they just need
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: to be around their sons. They need to make sure
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: their sons are okay, they need you know. It's just
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: it's overparenting. And peer reviewed studies confirm that long term
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: damage of overparenting or helicopter parenting shows elevated levels of entitlement,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: higher rates of narcissism later in life, increased depression and anxiety,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: very poor self regulation and emotional dysregulation, and lower self esteem,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: life satisfaction, and academic performance, not to mention career unreadiness
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: and identity confusion, which all makes sense. I mean, if
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: you're attached to the hip with your child, in this case,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: your son, and you're not letting him go live his
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: life the way he wants to go live it, he's
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: going to grow up to be an adult that just
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: can't take care of himself and that can't self regulate
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: or do any of the things that adults are supposed
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: to do. And West Virginia University found that over parented
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: children struggle with transitioning to adulthood due to low mastery,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: self regulation, and social competence. And that brings us to
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: these boys becoming adults and how their moms respond accordingly,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: aka toxic as mother laws, which is a whole other
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: subculture on TikTok and YouTube everywhere. Basically, it's just that
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: that's a fun one to get into and hopefully you
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: don't have that in your life. Hopefully you don't have
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: a toxic mother in law in your life, but if
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: you do, godspeed, you know. But that connection is very
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: direct with mothers who view sons as emotional partners will
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: view their sons wives as romance antique rivals and doctor
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Sylvia mccuckey Enyart, a family dynamics researcher at the University
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: of Iowa, explains, quote hashtag boy mom culture puts sons
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: in the role of romantic partner rather than child. It's
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: not surprising that moms who view their bond with their
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: sons like this eventually come to see their son's wife
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: as the enemy or other woman out to steal her
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: man unquote. And when enmessed sons marry their mothers, the
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: toxic mother in laws typically view partners as competitors and threats,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: criticize and undermine daughter in laws, create loyalty tests that
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: put sons in the middle, and resist natural development separation,
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: and make decisions unilaterally about grandchildren which I've seen so
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: much on TikTok about, and treat the marriage as temporary
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: while the mother's son bond is permanent. And research actually
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: does confirm that mother in law and daughter in law
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: relationships are more stress for both women than daughter and
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: mother relationships. And the r slash just no mother in
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: law subreddit has become a phenomenon in and of itself,
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: with hundreds of thousands of members sharing patterns like boundary violations,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: competition for son's attention, wedding interference undermining parenting decisions, and
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: the mama's boy dynamic where husbands won't set boundaries. I
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: highly recommend you read this subreddit if you're bored and
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: you just want to read some steaming hot tea. Okay,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just looking at it, like, oh my god,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad I have a good mother in law.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Holy shit, because the amount of incompetent men and just
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: helicopter mother in law psychos, it's just it's abundant. Let's
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: just say that. In some community wisdom from that specific
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: subreddit quotes, it's easier to dump a mama's boy than
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: easier than trying to change a mama's boy. But the
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: broader ethical problem underlying toxic boy mom content is that
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: children cannot consent to being featured online. And I know
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I have talked this to death on my page, but
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I think it's very important and it does coincide with
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: this entire topic. And I stand behind if you are
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: posting your child online for monetary gain, boy or girl,
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: and know the implications and negative effects of doing so,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: you are not a good parent and your children deserve
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: their privacy. Cay full stop for me, and if that's
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: not enough for y'all or anything. One of the most
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: damning statistics is that, according to French lawmakers, over fifty
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: percent of photos on petiforums come from content initially shared
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: by parents themselves, and former children of momfluencers are increasingly
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: vocal about it, one being Sherry Frankie, the daughter of
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: imprisoned momfluencer Ruby Frankie or eight pass. I've talked about that, saying, quote,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: if I could go back and do it all again,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: I'd rather have an empty bank account now and not
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: have my childhood plastered all over the internet. And she
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: testified to Utah's legislature that quote, no amount of money
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I received has made what I've experienced worth it unquote,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: which I don't even need to hear it, but that's
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: all I need to hear. I don't know about you.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: And there's also cam Or at soft Scorpio on TikTok Now,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: who's twenty three, described developing quote really bad paranoia about
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: who's watching me unquote from childhood content that was posted
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: of them, and she received disturbing messages from older men
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: who quote saw you riding your bike, she said, end quote.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I needed a hand to hold. I didn't need a
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: phone in the corner of the room recording me unquote.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: And I just get the biggest ick, dude. I get
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: the biggest ick when I see parents like recording their kids,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: especially if they don't know it and then posting it,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: or if they're like disciplining their kid or something's going
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: wrong or something. I'm like, God, that's gonna be on
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: the internet forever, and you know, God forbid they grow
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: up and they see that they were like throwing a
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: fit or like getting hate online when they were like
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: five years old or something. It's just so unhealthy and
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: so so unnecessary and probably the worst case that I
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: have ever gone over. And I did a whole video
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: about this, but it is the Ren Eleanor case where
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: three year old at the time, Wren Eleanor, who had
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: seventeen plus million TikTok followers or her mom did, and
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: all the concerns that emerged about her content specifically, it
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: was just so blatantly over sexualized and horrible with her,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: you know, like they're bathing videos and her eating food
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: that looked like, you know, and it's just like with
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: over like hundreds or millions of saves, and you just
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: know that those saves are not other moms or kids.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Those are all disgusting men, you know. And former FBI
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: agent Tracy Walder called it quote non consensual exploitation unquote,
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: and the case sparked the hashtag save Ren movement, leading
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: many parents to delete their children's content. And again I
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: went to town on that account during that time, and now
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: luckily all that content was taken down and the account
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: is banned, but that content is still out there somewhere,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: because the Internet is forever. And it drives me nuts
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: that parents don't think about that, or they just choose
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: to blatantly ignore it and just not care, you know,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: it's for their own gain or just blatant narcissism. So
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: seeing these toxic boy moms post about how they love
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: their sons more than their daughters and posting their obsessive,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: borderline and sessual behavior just makes me sick because news flash,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: your poor kid is going to grow up and not
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: only is he going to be messed up mentally because
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: of how you raised him, he's also going to have
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: his child hood and and your weird ass behavior towards
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: him plastered on the internet forever him or her. You know,
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I'm talking broadly now, but you know, in this specific video,
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: we're talking about toxic moms. So it's just I don't
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: get it. I don't get it. But these are the
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: eventual consequences for your current actions. And what's also interesting
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: is that the hashtag boy mom has over eight point
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: four million Instagram posts specifically, versus the two point seven
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: million for hashtag girl mom. It's like, what is that?
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: What is that? I don't know if there's anything behind that,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: but it's just like boy moms are much more outspoken
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: and much more you know, proud, and not saying that
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: girl moms aren't proud, but you know what I mean,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: it's just like a it's like a point of contention.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: It's like I have a boy, Oh you have a girl.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: Oh isn't that sad? You know, it's just weird. It's
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: the know weird are They're just obsessed with posting their
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: boys constantly and constantly had you just don't get it
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: and I don't get it. And not to mention the
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: gender reveal party phenomenon, which I think is so it
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: can be cute. You know, it can be cute, and
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: there's some that are like really cute and quaint and
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: it's it's nice, but you know, there and there is
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: gender disappointment. I understand that, but there are so many
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: people that post like the worst gender reveals ever where,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Like the dad's pissed off that he's having a girl,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: and that's usually the case. It's like the really bad
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: ones or the mom is mad she's having a girl
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: or whatever. It's just it's it's all weird. I'm like,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: why are we posting this on the internet. Who's this for?
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: But as one writer in the persistent observed quote, the
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: retaliation against the state of affairs is the very American
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: phenomenon of the boy mom, the defiant mother of sons
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: who wants everyone to know loud and clear that she
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: was never hoping for a daughter unquote, which is kind
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: of kind of what I'm talking about. It's just like
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: these toxic boy moms are just so outspoken about how
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: boys are batter than girls, how having a son is
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: much better than having a daughter, and that just breaks
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: my heart, you know, And a lot of these moms
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: have daughters or go on to have daughters, and they're like,
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: it's just not the same. It's just not the same.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, those poor, those poor girls growing up.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: You know. Luckily, I was blessed to have a mom
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: who had boys and girls, and I feel like we
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: were loved very equally. I didn't feel any of this
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: weird shit from my mom. But I know plenty of
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: people that have experienced this firsthand now, like even off
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: of social media, and it just is like, why are
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: you having kids? You know that you're like not gonna
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: like a girl if you have or whatever. It's I
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: don't know, what do I know? What do I know?
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: You know? But I do think it's possible to break
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: the cycle, you know, I don't. I mean, I don't
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: know if anybody's watching this and is like, oh maybe
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: I am a little bit boy mommy, maybe I need
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: to check myself a little bit. I think that's good,
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: you know. And again, it's cool to love your kid.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I think that's awesome. You should and you should be
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: looking out for them, and you should, you know, hope
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: that they have a great partner that's gonna treat them
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: really well. But you gotta let them be, you know,
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: you got to be their own person. You can't marry
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: your kid legally anyway, But I do think it's possible
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: to break the cycle. And I think the first thing
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: to that is just self awareness. Like notice if you
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: feel rejected when your son prioritizes his partner, and examine
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: if you're expecting your son to meet emotional needs your
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: partner should, And check whether you're giving unsolicited advice or
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: correcting your daughter in law, you know what I mean.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: And if your son calls asking for advice, respond with
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: maybe what does your wife think or what does your
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: partner think? And redirect toward the marital partnership and avoid
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: criticizing or correcting the daughter in law, you know. Like again,
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: it's good to be close with your kid. I'm so
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: close with my parents, my mom and my dad. So
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: is my brothers, so are my sisters and everything. I
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: ask them about everything, but they always involve my partner
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: in the conversation. It's not like, you know, there's not
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: possession in it. But I do think a lot of
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: it stems from just not or maybe losing their own
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: identity or depending on their child for a new identity.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Or that is their identity as being a boy mom,
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: and that's like their whole being, and then when they
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: grow up and go away, it's like what am I
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I need to be a boy mom, Like I need
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: to insert myself with their life as much as positive.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: So I think like stepping back and developing your own
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: sense of self and identity is really important. And just
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: you know, therapy is great, you know, to like consider
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: therapy to process feelings about letting go, because I feel
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: like a lot of parents in general struggle with that.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I imagine it's hard once you have a kid for
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: eighteen years, twenty years, twenty five years. Shit's expensive out
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: there to buy houses and tell you what, like it's
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: hard to let your kid go. Or some parents are
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: just like say, yeah, my mom bought me luggage okay
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: from my nineteenth birthday, so that but no, I mean
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: I needed like it just not like that anyway. But
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: I like, I unders I understand too to a point.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: But we're talking about the toxic unhealthiness of this. So
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: but again, doctor mccuckey Enyart recommends quote letting your son
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: know you're always there for him, but also letting him
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: figure things out on his own, calling out bad behavior
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: and not letting him get away with things deemed as
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: bad behavior. And she cautions women against investing their identity
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: in being a mom rather than being a person who
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: happens to be a mom, because being a mom is awesome, cool,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: and I can't wait to be that one day, But
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: make sure that that you you still have a sense
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: of self. And I know it's it's probably extremely easy
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: to lose your sense of self when becoming a mother.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: But yeah, don't put don't put that pressure on a kit,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: you know, because that's a lot to put on a kit.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: And saying goes to those enmeshed future men that had
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: the top toxic boy moms. I mean, you can grow
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: up and you know, maybe you're watching this and you're like, well,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: my mom was kind of like that, you know, she
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: was like kind of all over me, hard to let go.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: You can, you know, check yourself too, be like I
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: need to set boundaries and have some self awareness, you know,
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: work on my communication with my partner and my mom,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: you know. But you know, I'm not a therapist, obviously,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: and any of these quotes are taken from actual you know,
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: psychologists and therapists and stuff. So it's not me saying
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: that that stuff, but just from an outsider looking in,
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: you know, like emotional incest and enmeshment and toxic boy
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: mom behavior aren't just buzzwords or TikTok discourse. They are
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: documented psychological patterns with measurable outcomes. And it looks like
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: the cycle is pretty predictable. We have emotional unfulfilled mothers
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: turned to sons for connection, and then sons become enmeshed
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: and parentified, and then these sons become emotionally unavailable men
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: who partner with women who then raise automotionally unfulfilled daughters
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: or enmeshed sons, and the patterns continues, and the vicious
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: cycle just continues, and it's just you know, and obviously
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: that's a very broad statement, but it's like, I feel
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: like that cycle can break pretty easily. But it's like,
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: I feel like that cycle can be broken, but that's
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: not up to me. That is up to moms, basically
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: the toxic boy moms and to the enmeshed partners out there.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: And along with all this again, you know, children featured
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: in this content, in any type of content, can't consent
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: to being romanticized online and daughters watching their brothers be
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: preferred and said content will carry that wound, and the
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: sons being positioned as surrogate husbands will struggle to form
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: healthy adult attachments. But like I said, the cycles can break,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: and self awareness, I believe is the first step, and
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: therapy helps. Honestly come from somebody that goes to therapy, okay,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: And to the mothers actively committing to being the best
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: generation of mother in laws show that change is possible
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: because there's an overwhelming amount of moms on social media
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: that are determined to be the good boy moms, the
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: good mother in laws, the ones that the daughter in
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: laws can come to, and raising sons that are very
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: capable of being really good partners. So I think those
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: moms are far away the toxic boy moms. But you know,
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: we got a toxic d on here. But let me
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: know what you think. Have you seen a trend of this?
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Do you have experience with this? You know? Is your
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: mom like this? Do you have a friend's mom that
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: was like this? Do you have a mother in law
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: that's a little you know, I don't know. Let's make
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: it a safe space. Let's make it a conversation down below.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Let me know your thoughts and I will see you
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: in the next video. Okay bye.