Latest / Untraditionally Lala / Sex Unlocked: Let’s Get Testy with Austen Kroll

Transcript

Sex Unlocked: Let’s Get Testy with Austen Kroll · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about sex, baby.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Hello, my little sex pods. Welcome back to another episode
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: of Sex Unlocked.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Hello, Sally Carson.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Hello. You're looking gorgeous as usual.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you. You look great. I'm looking like the one
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: that should wear the strap on.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: Lauren and I are comfort maxing.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Don't you worry. I'm about to give you the greatest
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: introduction of your life. Today, we have the most special guest,
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: the first man we've ever had on Sex Unlocked coming
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: in at six.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: How tall are we? Six five? Six five.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: Stepping in at 6'5, hopefully hung like a horse, we
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: have Austin Kroll, Kroll the Warrior King.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: That was a great intro. That was a great intro.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: What an honor. What an honor to be the first
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: male guest on y'all's podcast.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: You've been the topic of many Sex Unlocked episodes, and
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: now here you are. I've seen.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: I've seen clips.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: He's literally mentioned in every single one we've had.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 1:12
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: And I have lots of adventures together. So lots to
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: talk about from just kind of in everyday life. It's topical.
• 1:20
  Speaker 5: What day is this? I think this is like day
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: five of just being inseparable.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: We have been together for six days.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Six.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: And have we rolled around in the sack together at all?
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: Wednesday.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: And we're going to be together tomorrow.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Hey.
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: Hey.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: She said if we rolled around in the sack at all?
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Cuddled naked? Oh, we've cuddled.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: We cuddled at the wedding the second night.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: We did cuddle.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Once it was established by the way, Lala, and for
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: everyone listening, that Sally had no interest in any of
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: the men there.
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: I had no interest in any of them. But they
• 1:58
  Speaker 5: all were trying to fuck me.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Well, who wouldn't? Fair roll.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: No, blah, blah. Okay. I knew that you were going
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: to say that, right?
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: Who wouldn't? Queen. Yes. Got it. You know, you guys
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: love each other and you guys are so hot. We
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: get it. But like, I've never seen men like fucking
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: thirst for someone. Like I see them thirst for Sally.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: Like this girl wakes up with like 20 texts from
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: each man. That's like trying to holler at her. It's hilarious.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I had that this morning too.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: As a woman who appreciates women a lot, it's the
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: whole thing that you have going on, Sally. It's like
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: the beautiful, like tan, butter soft skin with like the
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: gorgeous blue eyes and like the flat tummy and the
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: tight perky ass. And then you add that like sexy
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: raspy voice that's kind of like yeah I'm into it
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: but like I'm not really that into it prove it
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: it's the whole thing working.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: And the fact that she's drinking a Coors Light at.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: One o'clock in the afternoon yes and she goes to
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: like football games.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Because my voice is torched can I.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Tell you what you need you need a hot toddy
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: I if.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: We had liquor I would do that liquor.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: It's the answer to everything. Can't go to the bathroom,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: you need a hot toddy. You got a sniffle, you
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: need a hot toddy. You got a frog in your throat,
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: hot toddy.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: Hot toddy. Trust me.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Hot toddy.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: Right, Lala, everything that you're saying, right? I mean, Sally's
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: a guy's girl. Sally is a guy's girl and her
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: very close friends, her very close guy friends, you know,
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: forget it often, right? Because we're like, Sally's one of
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: the dudes. And so... It's easy to treat her like
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: one of the dudes.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Which is so fun, by the way, though, because like
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: I feel I've never been in like a healthy, happy
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: partnership where like it is what it's supposed to be.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: But I can imagine that when you're looking for your
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: person as a man, because I know as a woman,
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I look for this. To find someone that is my
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: best friend. fucking friend that I can fuck like a
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: porn star and then come out looking a hot mess
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: and laugh about it and watch TV Sundays. We can
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: watch a game together and have like healthy banter about,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: you know, like I'm a Ravens fan and maybe you
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: like the Steelers. Let's fucking get into it. You know,
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: like that's what you want.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: But then here's my question. What? What happens when that
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: line gets blurred and all of a sudden you just
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: like treat your partner like, Like, more of a best
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: friend than, like, a, you know, lover.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Wow. That's such a good question. Communication.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Because that has happened to me.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: With who?
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: I'm not going to say. I'm just saying.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Like....
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: With everyone.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Do you think?
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Austin, I really like where your head's at right now.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: So when they turn into your best friend, what do you,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: do you find that you don't want to sleep with
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: them anymore?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Cause it's like, you're the homie. Like I'm not interested sexually.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Kind of like it turns into that, right? It turns
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: into the, like, you know, like I can be the
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: one at night to be like, I'm tired. You know,
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: I'm cramping. Yeah.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Isn't that natural though for like every.
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: Relationship that's what I'm saying well that you just gotta
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: spice it up okay.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah well that's what I think too I mean again
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I'm just an outsider to other people's relationships but I
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: found with my friends who have found their best friend
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: but then they tell me these crazy stories of like
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: we were feeding the kids breakfast and I just like
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: was with my husband behind the island and gave him
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: a blow job with my kids fully like on the
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: other side of the island.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, that is so fucking cute and hot.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Depending on who you ask. You got to do stuff
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: like that to keep, to keep things going.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: The kids are in high chairs. They're not getting out,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: you know? Yeah.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: They're fine. But I think that's what it is.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: You have to, yeah, they're locked in. I, what you
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: just said where it's like, when it comes to sexy time,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: I'm tired, I'm cramping. Like, you have to have the
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: intimacy involved as well. And if you get tired late
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: at night, like me, well, like let's fuck at 4 PM.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I'm a, I'm a real riot at 4 PM.
• 6:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: I'm real riot.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Um, you guys have been on Southern charm for how
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: many years together?
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: Three. Gosh, that's it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Three years.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Sally, have you only been on Southern charm three seasons?
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: It feels like she's like a grizzled vet.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: This one coming up is my third.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: It's her third season.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy? You have only appeared on our screens
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: for two seasons? That is mind blowing.
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: And like one of them, you know, she was in
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: a relationship. So like wasn't really front and center. At all.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: How did you guys feel?
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: It does feel like longer, though, because I mean, I
• 6:59
  Speaker 5: just I've gotten so close to all of them.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: No, I love watching your guys' stories together. It makes
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: me so happy I vicariously lived through you guys. What
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: did you think about the trailer?
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: What did you think about the trailer?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm obsessed.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: But you know that I'm like a Southern Charm obsessed fangirl.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: I know. I love it. I love it.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I think the trailer was really good. I really do.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: I think especially like with the love child.
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: In the 10 years that I've been a part, I
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: think it's the top one or two trailer that I've
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: seen that had me hooked.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: It is so good. This is your guys' 11th or
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: 12th season?
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: 12th.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Wow, you've officially beat Vanderpump Rules. Congratulations. Round of applause.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Wait, really?
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: I thought they yelled it 12. No, we called it
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: after 11. It still went on with a new cast.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: So congratulations, you guys. That's a really big fucking deal. Austin,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: are you able to tell us about what happened with Molly?
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: You heard, right? And basically, we had a cast party
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: that evening. And Sally said it yesterday, which was really funny.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: I didn't have beef with anybody. So I was able
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: to just go to the party and get drunk. And
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: get drunk I did, Lala.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, he got hammered. Get drunk I did.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: In the trailer, you see Sally. I was going to
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: say Sally is slapping me. And so we were doing,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: you know, like you slap and you take a shot,
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: you know, kind of thing. So it was that kind
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: of night. And since I didn't have to have any
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: of the tough talks with anybody, I just got hammered
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: and had a blast with everyone. And I'm sure that
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: clips are going to emerge of me like swinging Veneto
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: like around the room.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: Swinging me around the room.
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: Swinging Sally around the room. And eventually Molly.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: And molly kind of matched my energy that night so.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I love when you're obliterated he.
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: Is a good time when he's when he's drunk he's
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: a good time.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: The best i see it that's for sure yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Is there anything that's missing from the trailer that you
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: guys are tweaking out about like nervous about re-watching you
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: don't have to give me a specific.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: I mean, I just think that the trailer, by the way,
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: I mean, when when I finished watching it and I
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: was like, well, I just watched the whole movie, you know?
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: There was a lot. But that's what I think makes
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: this season great, is that we like have a lot
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: of things happening and we keep it moving rather than
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: getting stuck on one particular thing.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not just like Craig and Austin fighting.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: For 15 episodes.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Right. Or like, you know, Austin and Taylor. They're like,
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: let's beat that dead horse again. Yeah. So it's like
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: constantly changing. The thing that I am nervous about, you know,
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: of course, we don't know. Like, I don't. know what
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: Sally goes to lunch with Madison and talks about her
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: like talks about me to her and she doesn't know,
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: you know, and I don't remember like when I went
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: to lunch, you know, with Shep and I'm, and I'm
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: probably talking about Sally or, you know, Rodrigo or something.
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, wait, I don't, I don't want you
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: to be mad at me.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I know we had a conversation. When was that? Yesterday
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: or a couple of days ago.
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: And we were like, no matter what years, we just
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: need to tell each other now, like nothing's going to change.
• 10:26
  Speaker 5: Like our friendship is strong enough to handle whatever kind
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: of shit we said about each other behind each other's backs.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Cause we definitely did.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: The name of the game.
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: And in the trailer, I see you yell at me
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: and I'm just like crying. And I was like, oh
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: my God, I forgot that happened. That was a really
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: sad day.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: But I think that's what makes Southern Charm very special
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: is that the friendships are so deep rooted and whether
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: cameras are up or down, you're living the exact same way,
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: just like super thick relationships. And you're going to say
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: things behind each other's backs that you're going to have
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: to relive. But that's what the audience is so into.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: Watching two people who are invested in one another go
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: at it and then, you know, have resolution.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: That's what reality TV is.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: And watching you guys, you guys really fucking do an
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: impeccable job of....
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Just keeping an audience engaged.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: And it's strictly because you guys have hard conversations, but
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: it's also us being flies on the wall to your
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: guys's lives and friendships. It's fucking fantastic. So I amazing
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: and kudos to you guys for season 12. That's really fantastic.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Incredibly high praise coming from the likes of you. Somebody
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: who just lives their life, you know, out there, I
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: am drawn to people like you, which is why me
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: and Sally are so close. What?
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I said, which is why you're drawn to me.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: Which is why I'm drawn to Sally, which is why
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Sally feels like it's not her third season. It's like
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: her 10th because she lives her life out loud. And
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: that's all that an audience and like a cast member
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: who has like a new person coming into the fold
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: can ask for.
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: That's what Sally does. And that's what I think that
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: a lot of us do, you know? Yeah. And I
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: think it's, I think that's why I got close.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I'm just speaking facts.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: And Sally, I think you're like, I know that people
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: can say crazy shit to you online, but I think
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: what's fantastic about you, just like Austin said, is you
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: live your life so authentically. And I think that people
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: just throw that word out there so often, like you're
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: so authentically yourself. And it's like, yeah, yeah, fuck off.
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: But it's true. Like you are polarizing. No one is
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: indifferent to Sally Carson. They either love you or they
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: hate you. And guess what? It's all one in the same,
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: which I think is fucking fantastic.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: It's so true. I was just on vacation, you know,
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: with Kristen Cavallari and, and, you know, Justin, and they
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: said the same thing. They're like, Austin, To be hated
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: is actually like low-key what you want.
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: No, truly.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: You're hated and it's polarizing, but no matter what, the
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: people are talking about you.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Well, the people that hate you are your ultimate fans.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Like they clock everything that you're doing.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: And someone said to me back in the day when
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: I was getting a lot of heat and it was
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: just like, this is crazy. Like I'm not used to
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: living my life where people can judge me for it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: And they were like, Lala.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: haters are just confused appreciators. And once she told me
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: that I was like, Oh, they're just confused. How do
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: you feel about me?
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I like this.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: I want to, I want to venture into something that
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Sally said on one of the podcasts that the average
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: penis size in Charleston is four inches. Uh, Are you
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: a part of, is Austin a part of the average?
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I wasn't talking about Austin. I wasn't talking about you.
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: That was generous of you. Thank you.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: The four inches is generous.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: That was fucking absolutely generous. And I appreciate you thinking.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I'm so large.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: Wait, Sally, when you said the average is four inches,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: is that soft or hard?
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: Hard.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: Hard.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: Who's talking about a soft a flaccid wiener when when
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: you give a.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Size you know i was just trying to give charleston
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: some credit maybe they're growers and not showers i'm trying to.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Defend you guys but hey if you want to if.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: You want to die on the hill of we're four
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: inches fucking hard baby then hey i know where to
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: not search for dick.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: Um Like, I'm certainly not going to mansplain a man's
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: penis on a female's podcast, but, you know, beauty is
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: in the eye of the beholder.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: You know, some women are like, oh, my Lord, you know,
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, girl, don't, like.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: It's not, it's not like, it's not that. It's not
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: what you're saying, you know, right now. And, you know,
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: and others like, oh my gosh, Lala, man, we're on
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: our cash trip. And Madison said the funniest fucking thing
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: to me.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: We can't say it.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: We can't say it because that's going to be iconic.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: It had me dying because Madison, Madison is one of
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: those girls that thinks that telling a man that they
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: have like a small dick, like bothers them. And like
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: someone like me, I'm like, Girl, I don't give a
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: fuck what you're saying. I am not that man who
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: you can cut me to my core by being like,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: you got a small dick. I'm like, okay, whatever, dude.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Whatever you fucking say. Is that because you know you
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: have a big one?
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: I'm just very comfortable. I'm very comfortable with what I got.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: He's satisfied. He's satisfied.
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: No one's ever asked for any refunds, Lala.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Sounds like Madison did. Sounds like Madison wanted a lot
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: of refunds. Cut it. Madison wants all the refunds.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: I call bullshit on that, but yeah.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Well, I do want to know because there was a
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: point in time and I can't even remember when this was,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: but I know I can remember you and I Austin
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: had this moment of talking about relationships and I expressed
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: to you, like, I don't even know if I want
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: to be in a relationship. Like, I don't know if
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: that's for me because I really just like navigating life
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: on my own. And you had similar feelings. Are you
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: still on that path or are you wanting to date?
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: Are you dating anybody?
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: I'm not dating anybody. And I am on that path still.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: I am on the path of I've done it and
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: it always seems to have the same outcome, you know.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: So it's almost like at what point in time am
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: I just going to kind of like look, you know,
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: inward and just be like, maybe, maybe it all just
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: isn't for you. maybe it all just isn't for you.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: I mean, I went to therapy for it, like specifically
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: a behavioral therapist of like why I do the things,
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: you know, that I do. And then you start to
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: be alone and then you kind of crave that like aloneness,
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: you know, but then going to like a wedding, you know,
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: with Sally was really, you know, nice. And I'm so
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: glad that she was there to be my PIC.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: You know, and it was fun.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: And I, and, and, and I love that, you know,
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: but that's definition of, you know, cake and eating it too.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: So I'm like trying to not, it's like, I'm, I'm
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: towing the line, but, but I definitely, this season made
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: it very clear that I'm not interested in dating anybody.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I think that's totally fair.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: I think if a man can be completely honest and upfront,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: like if they start liking a girl, just them saying like,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: just so you know, I can't offer you what you
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: deserve because it's just not in me.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: I can so fucking rock with that.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: Like I feel the, I love my alone time, but
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: then I want to tap someone in if I'm going
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: out and everyone's bringing their partner, but then I want
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: you to go home and I want to continue living
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: my life. I, I, you're very seen.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: You're going to see that a little bit. this year
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: because someone comes into the fold who who I I
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: kind of was dating who we saw a clip I
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: mean not dating but had taken on dates and spent
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: some time with and and that's where you see in
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: the clip you know where Sally's like Austin how come
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: like you took her on dates and and not me
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: and so Yeah, it was like me trying to talk
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: to this girl of just like, I don't, I can't
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: offer you what it is that you need and, you know, deserve.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: You did wine and dine her though.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: But you know what's funny is like, I look at
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: our friendship and I'm like, wait, you kind of wine
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: and dine me, but like, it's like a friendship.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, we went, we did yesterday.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: Sally, we wine and dine each other all the time.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: It's just different.
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: I think there's no pressure. There's no pressure, which is amazing.
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: I mean, we were saying the other day, are we
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: just best friends? Should we just have kids and be
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: just friends?
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: By the way, I'm so not mad at that idea.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I talk about as a mother to someone who had
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: it just like the very traditional way and then experiencing
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: motherhood in an untraditional way. I tell people, I'm like,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: if you have a best friend who you trust, have
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: children with that person. Because then if you want to
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: spend holidays together, you're still with the kid. You guys
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: get to have the time of your lives. But then
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: if like you want a weekend to yourself, you're like, hey,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: I have a date. I'd like to bring this guy
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: back to the house. Can you take little Johnny to
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: like Disneyland for the weekend? Like that sounds lit to me.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I know, doesn't it?
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: It sounds great.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: Yes. I mean, you know, especially because we're sitting here
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: talking about the fact that I'm not entirely sure if
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: like the traditional sense of a relationship or marriage is
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: for me.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: I think that's totally fine as long as it's communicated
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: to the person that you're hanging out with.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I agree. Wait, Austin, do you want kids? Yeah, he
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: wants kids.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: I just think that I would be a kick-ass dad.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: You would be a fucking kick-ass dad.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: And so it's almost like... It's almost like a disservice
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: to my children.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Well, and your parents.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: To my unborn children. And they're not going to have
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: like a kick-ass dad. And I really feel that my
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: parents would be such great grandparents.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: They would be so sad if you.
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: Didn't get them a grandchild. And they've never pressured me,
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: which is like, shout out Tom and Wendy.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Which makes you want to give it to them even more, right?
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Which makes me feel like, oh, you guys deserve this.
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: And hey, our AI kids... Are so cute. I talk
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: about this all the time. He sent it to his
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: mom and his mom said, no time like the present.
• 21:05
  Speaker 6: She did say that and I was shocked by it, right? Like,
• 21:09
  Speaker 6: because in the past she's been like, okay, Austin, settle down.
• 21:13
  Speaker 6: You know, there's like, there's no reason to rush into kids. Like, let's,
• 21:15
  Speaker 6: let's be sensible about this.
• 21:17
  Speaker 5: I think everyone just sees our relationship and sees how
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: much we care about each other.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I think it's a great idea and I'm co-signing on it.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure people think I'm a nut job, but
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: I just think my own personal experience, that's the way
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: to do it.
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: Hey, that's how we're going to get to season 15
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: of Southern Shore.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: That's how you get to season 20.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: You're a fucking housewife status after that.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I want to venture into sexy time. Sexy time.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Wait, Austin, how old are you? 39?
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: 39.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: I just turned 39 last year of my thirties. It's
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: so funny too, is that I started the show at
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: 29 and now I'm 39. So officially my entire thirties
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: have been spent on television, which is crazy to think about.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: That is crazy. What a wonderful, cool thing.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: You guys, I think about this all the time because
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I'm with a newer cast now where like we're now
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: on the fourth season and And when they want to
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: spiral about things, I'm like, I just want you to
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: understand that there will be a day where you're sitting
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: around with your grandbabies, you're not on TV and you
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: get to tell them, you're not going to remember what
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: insult was thrown at you, what storyline happened. All you're
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: going to remember is that you were on fucking TV
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: and you get to tell your grandkids that, and that
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: is cool. And we're going to blink and be there, right?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: I vividly remember sitting- It's crazy. And I think it's
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: important that we take those moments because time is flying by.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: And I remember sitting on a bus with my cast.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: It was like Vanderpump Rules season six. And we were
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: in Mexico. And I was like, you guys, we need
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: to like really take this moment in. I know that
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: there's beef happening, but this is going to be over
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: one day. And this is really cool. And we need
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: to like live in this moment. And I think back
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: on that and I'm like, wow, that time is over.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: And I feel like I blinked and it was done.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: So the fact that you can say you've spent 10 years, most,
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: most of your, all of your thirties on TV, fucking awesome.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: That is awesome.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: You can look back and be like, it's cool. Anyway,
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: let's talk about sex. Cause it's fucking sex unlocked.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: That's my boy.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: Craig would do on this podcast.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: You'd want to talk to me about pillow making and
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I'm uninterested.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: Where can I put these pillows to better position me
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: for the big O is what I'm wondering.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: If you cannot pick me up and stand while you're
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: fucking thrusting me in squatty potty position, then we just,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: I have explained sexual positions to my friends who are
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: like married. They're like, what kind of men are you fucking?
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: Because my husband could no way hold me up.
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: That's a problem.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Wait, how is Squatty Potty?
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: That's a problem.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I love Squatty Potty. We haven't even talked about this.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: How is Squatty Potty? The best.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: The chocolates work. Oh my God, we didn't even talk.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: The chocolates work. Yes, the bed was fucking soaked. I
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: come out of the bathroom and I was like, should
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: we change the sheets? He was like, it's fucking two
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: o'clock in the morning.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: No, you put a towel down.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: The amount of times that I've heard Lala say the
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: bed was soaked is like, should we study?
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know when I turned into such a wet woman.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: She a juicy lady. I'm the juice box.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah call me honest uh what's the age range of
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: women that you'll date austin that i would date that
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: you would hook up with that you would hook like
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: what like for me the youngest i would say is
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: 26 yeah i i think really oh yeah give me
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: a 26 year old that they are worried i.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Was thinking i was old oh.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: Get it girl I think youngest is, you know, 25.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, you know, have I, you know, younger? Yes.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: But to date, now that I'm getting older, I think
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: that the age is going to settle in right around like, like,
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: you know, 27 and up.
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: To date what's the do you have an oldest do
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: you have a cap not that we discriminate on this
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: podcast as sally she will if the connection is there
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: she's giving the go-ahead Yeah.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: I mean, look, I like there there is no cap
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: because but like, you know, there is there there is
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: a rule, right? It's like if I'm not pitching a
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: tent and like we're not going camping, you know, so
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: like if there's a hot, you know, an older woman, right,
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: who I connect with.
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: You're checking out somebody's old ass yesterday. Who was that
• 26:09
  Speaker 5: older woman?
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: We're not going to go there.
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: Okay, yeah.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Or are we?
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Is she a known person? Yeah.
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, we won't go there. We can tell you after
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: we cut. Will you tell me after the pod?
• 26:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Are you comfortable asking for what you want in bed?
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I think it's important to establish that early on
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: because I've gotten into things with someone where I'm like, wait,
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: I want to do this, but now I feel weird
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: doing it because we didn't establish this the first time
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: that we did it.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Stuff like what would be like controversial.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: What just like like like anal no that's.
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: Not my guy but you don't like anal yeah you know.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: What i so appreciate that you're saying like that you
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: want to have that conversation beforehand like just as a
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: woman like i really would prefer you ask if i
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: want you to play with my asshole you know.
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah Because we've gotten into situations where the man doesn't
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: go down on you. And it's like, if I would
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: have known this, I would have never been interested.
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: Do not ask me to blow you if you're not
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: going to munch the cookie. All right.
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: You give me a cookie. I give you a cookie.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I'm looking for a cookie monster. All right.
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: I'm going to be a cookie monster for Halloween.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: PSA, I am a giver.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: Psa out there please oh my god now i gotta
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: clear my throat come on over poppy i'm telling you
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: you ain't eating the box get the fuck out.
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: The juice box is juicing i'm.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Obsessed with this episode oh my god okay i do
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: have to know this because you're a weird cat lady
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: not that there's anything wrong with that.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: How dare you But okay, true.
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: Cat Lake is hilarious.
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: There was a meme the other day that said all
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: blonde men are lesbians.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: It made me laugh so hard.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: I love the content about your cat. How many do
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: you have?
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: Two.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: I love the cat. He has two pussies and I
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: have three wieners.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: Like, I love that show.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: We made the greatest song ever this year on the
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: show about Sally and wieners.
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: And how my heart lives in my vagina.
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: So good.
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: So good.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: It sounds really sweet.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: And Kyle better take it. And sample it and.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Use it as DJ gigs. Oh, he's playing that at
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: every DJ gig.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: How could he not? It sounds fantastic. It's pretty funny.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: We like sing it in a country tone. But anyways, okay.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: What are cats like when you're in the act?
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Because I know that I've only had dogs and like
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: there have been times where I have been in the
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: act and my dog, Lily, God rest her gorgeous soul.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: would like start licking the ass of the man on
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: top of me. And it gets a little funky and weird.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: And I get kind of territorial where I'm like, back
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: the fuck off, bitch. You're doing more than I'm willing
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: to do.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. Wait, you're, you're not an ass eater.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I'll eat ass if I'm into you.
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: Same.
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I will have you in fucking birthing position.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Just let it happen. You'll like it, I promise.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: Stirrups. Oh my God.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: But what are cats like? Are they kind of skittish
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: and weird? Like what's happening to dad?
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: They don't give a fuck. They don't give a fuck.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: They're just like, because you you have to realize that
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: what's going on inside the brain of a cat. It's
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: like a two year old child. They're just like, they
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: they're they're chilling and unbothered which is why i love
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: cats they are so unbothered and they like think that
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: they're better than you because they are and then when
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: they give you like and then when they give you
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: like attention you're like i've done it i've done it
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: i've fucking done it they fucking love me they're on
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: my chest.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: That is true that is true they do make you
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: fight for the love.
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah whenever one of his teeny will get in my
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: lap and i will be there.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: Like oh I know.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: I'm always like, don't move. Don't move. Don't move. If
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: you pet her too soon, then she's out of here.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: She's out of here.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: You have to let her settle and then you can
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: pet her.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: They are so hard to get. I need to be
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: more of a cat. I'm more of a dog.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Same. I'm more of a dog.
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: Guys, I've been saying this like a lot recently. It's
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: like there is not a single bone of nonchalance or
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: like mysteriousness in me. I just like don't have it.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: I'm not 007. I am his idiot brother.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: But you give that energy similar to shorts of like
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: a golden retriever.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: And who doesn't love a golden?
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: I just won't be nonchalant, but cats are nonchalant and mysterious. And,
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: you know, by the way, I mean, I get cats
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: because I travel too much. Like I've been out of
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: town for so long and they've been at my parents' house.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: And if it was a dog, forget about it. I
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: just couldn't do it. Yeah.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, I have three and it's a pain in
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: the ass.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: It's like having a newborn baby at all times. And,
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: you know, Austin has it figured out where he just leaves.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: A litter box.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: Everything is automatic.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: Sally dies with her three dogs in the house and
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: they will lay by her until someone comes. Your cats
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: are eating your face.
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: That's fine.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Eating your face. No joke. I've seen that shit firsthand.
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: Just so you know.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: The last thing that I want is pussy on my face.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: I thought that was the first thing you wanted.
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Now you're a tease I thought that you were I
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: thought you were down for the cause I have.
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: Well when I'm dead is what I'm saying when you're
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: dead no yeah the cats are eating my face so.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Rapid fire questions morning sex brush your teeth or let
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: it go.
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: Let it go yeah sorry which.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Is why I lay on my back but then it's
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: not like spontaneous you said that you wanted your.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Eyes closed and that you don't want to move you
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: want to be a corpse so you didn't just like
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: shuffle into the bathroom and brush your teeth and come back.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: No but I'm saying I have to be this way
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: because like I don't want us to breathe and please
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: don't kiss me in the morning time unless I'm in
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: love if I'm in love like we're doing whatever I'm
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: a freak don't brush your teeth I don't give a
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: shit sex in front of a mirror hot or distracting Both.
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: Both.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Both. Yeah.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Sexy lingerie or an oversized t-shirt?
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Oversized t-shirt.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Same. Restraints. Are we into it or no?
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: No.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh. I learned that one.
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: When Sally was hogtied and got her cute Amazon pajamas
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: ripped off of her body.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: Oh my God.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: That was crazy. I can't wait.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: By the way, I can't wait for the next episode
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: to deep dive into ghost.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: That shit was wild. That shit was wild. Last thing
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: you typed into the porn search bar. You know mine.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: Mine's lesbian massage. Mine's lesbian massage too.
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: Stuck.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. Stuck porn. He loves stuck porn. What
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: does that mean? Like you get stuck somewhere and you're.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: Like, oh my God, like I'm taking out you the
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: laundry and like, oh my God, I'm stuck. Stepson, are
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: you here? And then the stepson comes and you know,
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: and she's not stuck at all. It's like, okay, well,
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: what do you mean that you're stuck? She's like, help me.
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: And then all of a sudden, you know, what's funny
• 33:44
  Speaker 5: is when we were in Hawaii, I don't know if
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: they're air this or not.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: I was like cleaning the kitchen.
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: And I'm literally putting dishes away and no one was
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: in there except for the cameras.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, the door like closed on my arm.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: And I was like, Austin, Austin, I'm stuck.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: Help.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Are there ones where like the girl is like stuck
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: in the doggy door? Oh, that would be a good one.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: Window, under the table, laundry room.
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: I need it to be realistic. You're not getting stuck
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: under a table. You could quite literally get stuck in
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: a doggy door.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: That makes sense to me. With just like the butt
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: on your side. Tell that to.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: My porn search, guys. What are you telling me that
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: they're lying to me?
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: It's crazy.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: No, they're actually stuck. What do you want immediately after sex? Cuddling, conversation, food,
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: or sleep?
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: Water.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Water.
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: Wow. What I want immediately after sex is for you
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: to go home.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: We're done.
• 34:52
  Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on. You know that that's like, you know,
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: the famous saying of like, of like, you know, like
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: why do men, you know, order prostitutes? Because they're not
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: paying for the sex. They're paying for you to leave.
• 35:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: And I don't mean that in a cold hearted way.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: I just like, I'm so into my routine, which is like,
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: once we have sex, if it's in the morning time,
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: for example, like my bed needs to be made at
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: a certain time.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: And how do I make it if we're in it?
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: What if you're really comfortable and you like the person?
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, then I want to spend all the live long
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: day with you. That's what I'm saying.
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, water and cuddles.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: Water and cuddles.
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: No wonder people want you in a relationship. Everything you're saying,
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: you wine and dine and you want to cuddle after sex.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: You're like screaming relationship.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Holy fuck. We cuddle when there's no sex.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on. I don't do the wine and
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: dine thing very often. So like. You know how somebody
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: would be like, oh, you know, this is like my fifth...
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: hinge date of the week i'm like that sounds exhausting
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh that sounds awful right and there are
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: women that do that and say that and like you
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: know like yes like my sister main said that at
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: one point in her life i was like dude aren't
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: you and i was like wait are you just trying
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: to get like a free meal because like good on
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: you you know.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: It's like good on you it's expensive dude i don't.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: Do dating like that but she's very happy and committed
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: in your relationship so.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Oh you're like good luck chuck I have been called
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: that before.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: But then, but then Lindsay broke the spell because she
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: didn't end up.
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, so the spell is broken.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's what I say.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: Well, look at Sally. It doesn't happen for her either. Sorry, babe. Wait,
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: when you guys hooked up, did you find a relationship afterwards?
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: Me and Austin?
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. See, the good luck Chuck thing
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: is like when you sleep, you know, with someone. Okay.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: Mine was like every girl that I dated. Oh, every
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: girl you dated. Got into a relationship.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Lights on, off, or dimmed?
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: Dimmed.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: I like a dim too.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Off, you don't know what the hell's going on. Yeah.
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: Or like, I love having sex if like the TV's on.
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: Cause my ADD really enjoys that.
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: I like that too.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: So you're like a Netflix and chiller.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I'm the biggest. Do you like being called daddy? Are
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: you into it or no?
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Thanks. Daddy.
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: It doesn't do it for me. Like you would think
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: that it does, but a well-placed daddy works.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: You can't just be throwing out daddy left and right.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: You can't just be throwing out daddy.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: You're like, okay, stop.
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: Just a well-placed daddy. It's got to be like in
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: the throes.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: Like during mid-sex.
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Like in the ear. Spank me, daddy.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: Like when something happens and it's turned up that next notch.
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: And you're like, I'm really doing it here. I'm really
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: doing it.
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: I'm doing really well right now.
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: Oh, God.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: A woman making the first move.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: Do you like that or is it weird?
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: I I'm, I'm into it, but I have to be
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: into it. Right. Um, yeah, it's fine.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: How do you feel about dick pics?
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: I think they're outrageous. I like cannot believe that they
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: get sent. I like these men, you know, girlfriends in
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: line that tell me that they get dick pics. I'm like,
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: this poor bastard is already out. He's already out because it, it,
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: it just seems like the most Dumb and invasive thing
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: that you can do. And like, I don't want my
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: dick out there. Like, I am not going to have
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: my dick pic out there. So I don't do it.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: Don't like dick pics.
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: And and ever since that meme dropped right where it
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: was like. It was like a girl doing it. And
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: she was like every dick pic that I get. And
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: she's like, you know, lying there and she's holding like
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: a can of Pringles and she's doing all these positions.
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: And the man just looks so fucking stupid. So stupid
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: in every position.
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: I get like one a day from this one guy
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: on Snapchat. I'm like, I don't even want to open
• 39:01
  Speaker 5: it anymore.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I don't blame you.
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: That's aggressive. Yeah. You're like me drinking your coffee and
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: you're like, oh God. Yeah.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: And he's like, I don't know why he's like 24
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: or something.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: He's a football player, but he's like.
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: Oh!
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Like an athlete? Athlete?
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to say who it is. So his
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: body's probably slamming.
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: No.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: Weirdly not.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: But I'm not.
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: I don't love a.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: I don't... we we've already established.
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: I like a dick pic if i'm super super into
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: you and can i tell you what continues to fuck
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: with me is that i never send nudes but i
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: fired a couple off to this guy who i was
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: like he's my future baby daddy i'm moving him into
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: my house And then it went south and I'm like, yes,
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: this random motherfucker has naked photos of me.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: I cannot shake the feeling. You probably look hot as fuck.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I really wish he'd leak them actually.
• 39:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: If you listen to this podcast, leak the photos.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: Please leak Lala's nudes.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Like for real. I looked really good.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: I was impressed by my own self. You gotta be
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: like down bad if you're sending dick pics. That's just
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: what I think. Unless they're requested, right? Unless you're like,
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: let me see. Then that's different. Yeah, don't just fire
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: it off. But an unsolicited dick pic? I just can't
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: even imagine.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: And please don't send me limp dick unless you're hung
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: like a horse.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Because then I'm impressed. That is hilarious.
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: A flaccid unsolicited dick pic? That's crazy.
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: There was a guy I dated that lived in Nashville
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: and he sent me a dick pic. He was like
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: sitting on the toilet and his dick was like hard
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: and he was like holding it. And I downloaded it
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: because I was like, I know this motherfucker's cheating on me.
• 40:43
  Speaker 5: I downloaded it and I saw the time and date
• 40:47
  Speaker 5: and it was dated back to like five days prior.
• 40:50
  Speaker 5: But he's like sending me saying like he's so hard
• 40:52
  Speaker 5: for me in that moment. And I sent it to
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: a girl that he had just recently followed on Instagram.
• 40:58
  Speaker 5: And she was like, I literally just got the same thing.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: I was dating this guy. Like, saying I love you.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Like, I was like, okay. Well, he's cheating and sending
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: his dick everywhere. Oh, my God. It was crazy. You
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: know what I can't get over?
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: Is usually the men who are firing off dick pics need, like, manscaping.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: And it's a little crooked and wonky. And usually flaccid.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you... You have balls to be sending.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: it's like that guy who was on that show what
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: is it summer house.
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: West wilson has his dick pics out on the internet
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: and it doesn't even it literally looks like a dick
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: pic you would take to be like hey doctor what's
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: this rash on my dick or something because it was
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: like not sexy.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: At all it was not sexy at all it's clinical it's.
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Clinical my final my final rapid fire question austin car
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: sex you're very tall six five i will repeat six
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: five You must have children, by the way.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of short men out here.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: We need to, like, repopulate with some, like, Viking motherfuckers.
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: Produce.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: They'd be so athletic.
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Are we having... I mean, I'm actually interested if you
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: do have.
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: They say that that comes from the mom's side. Good. Yeah.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: I love the conversations.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: You guys have.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: We're, like, talking about our kids. Genetically, it would work
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: really well. It would be beautiful. Can you physically have
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: car sex with how tall you are?
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: Like, what is sort of car sex we're talking? I mean, like,
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: it's like when you think of car sex, what do
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: you think of?
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking you're in the backseat. Driver, roll up the partition, please.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: That kind of car sex. You would have to be
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: in like a Denali XL, I feel.
• 42:36
  Speaker 3: Yes, of course.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: With captain's chairs.
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not sitting in a fucking sedan.
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: Not in a car sex. No, you're not in a sedan.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. We're in a bucket seat of
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: an SUV if like that's happening.
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: I can't even tell you the last time that that
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: has happened. That is some like, you know, coming home
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: from college and like we need like a place to
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: go because I'm like and like, you know, so like, no,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: that doesn't. Yeah, I can't tell you the last time.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been re hooking up with this guy who
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: I've known since I was literally 21 and I was
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: so much fun back in the day. And I he'll
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: ask me, like, do you think we can ever like
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: do shit like that again? And I'm like, well, it
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: just seems a little unsafe. The shit we used to do.
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: You know yeah oh yeah we were talking about how
• 43:26
  Speaker 5: we would literally crawl onto the driver's side on the
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: highway yes like while they're driving yeah oh.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: No no yeah okay yeah yeah i've done.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: That yeah so unsafe unsafe.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: So unsafe um yeah with yeah.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah fun but like and kinky And like, you're glad
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: you survived it so you can talk about it, but.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: And yeah, kind of weird driving.
• 43:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: That's all. I mean, it's hot. It's hot.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: It's not that crazy. I'm so happy to feel seen
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: right now. When I tell my friends, they're like, lie.
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: You did it like while he was driving. Like I've
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: done it in a car, but not in a moving
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: car while the person's responsible for pushing the gas and steering.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: Yesterday, because it was so fun. You're like on the
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: way to a golf tournament.
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: We were going slow through the mountains because there was
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: road construction.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's windy.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, but it was slow, you know, and we
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: were in this traffic. And did you.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Wave at the construction workers as you passed?
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: I might have made contact.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, you provided them with so many stories. I love that.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: Oh my god I'm obsessed with this episode I'm obsessed
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: with this duo what do you guys have planned for
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: the day are.
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: We going to lunch yeah do you know Sally and
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: I we are immediately going to get a drink it's
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: beautiful here in New York um like you know just
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: like a light jacket and you know man you're feeling
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: you're feeling good uh we're gonna go meet up with
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: a friend or two okay I think Rodrigo just got
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: in town so we're gonna get.
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: Oh the threesome I die for yeah Please post your
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: little hearts out. I would love it.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: I want to see. We always do.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: That sounds like a fucking blast. I hope you guys
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: have the best time. Austin, thank you so much for
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: being on the pod.
• 45:21
  Speaker 3: Thanks, guys.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: I loved having you. Sally loved having you. I feel
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: like I was interviewing the both of you.
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: Sorry.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Well, she's just so good at it.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: I just talk a lot. I can't shut the fuck up.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: No, I love you for it. That's why we have
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: a podcast.
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: That's why we've been on TV for so fucking long.
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: It's so fun.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: You guys, thank you for listening to another episode of
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Sex Unlocked.
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: We're going to catch you guys next week. Love you.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: Bye.