Latest / Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm / The Holiday Emergency Plan: How ADHD Moms Can Survive the December Chaos | 026

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The Holiday Emergency Plan: How ADHD Moms Can Survive the December Chaos | 026 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Jessica Lynn Lewis.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you are listening and you have ADHD, you have ADHD kids, this is the place for you.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why did I create this?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've kind of lived it.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish I had something like this when uh my kids were really little.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know we try to strive every day to do everything right.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to be perfect.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to hold ourselves together as we're trying to hold our children together, our family together.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's exhausting, to be quite honest.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I probably hit overwhelm three times a week, maybe every day.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm just lying to myself.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: But we don't have to feel overwhelmed all the time.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad you're here.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's jump right into today's quick win, and then we're gonna talk about yay, the holidays.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Today's quick win, pick one holiday thing to intentionally lower the bar on.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I just said it.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Lower the bar, lower your expectations.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Choose one holiday tradition or expectation that normally drains you.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And try not to twitch when I say these things.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Christmas cards, elaborate gifts, wrapping the elaborate gifts, making it perfect, all of your decor, Christmas lights, meal planning, matching pajamas.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Don't even get me started on that one.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Elf on the shelf, also don't get me started on that one.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna talk a little bit more about that in a bit.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But whatever you decide right now, just simplify it.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe say something to yourself like this year Christmas cards are a group text photo.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: This year, presents are in gift bags, no two in the morning wrapping marathons.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this year the elf stays in the box.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not elf on the shelf, it's elf in the box.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you do elf on the shelf once, or maybe only twice or once a week.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: This everyday thing is I don't even do it, I'll be honest.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe this year you have a family dinner, you're supposed to bring something.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of making a home cooked meal, just buy something this year.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: The win here is removing one single pressure point so that your brain can breathe and you can actually enjoy the holidays.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Then here's the psychology behind it.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you lower the bar on one thing, your nervous system calms down just enough so you can actually enjoy all the other things.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a failure, it's just a strategic energy management for your ADHD brain during probably the most overstimulating, overwhelming month of the year.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: So today's quick win: lower your expectations.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So why do the holidays feel like so much?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: They're supposed to be magical, and everywhere you look, it's a Pinterest winter wonderland.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody is supposed to turn into this professional baker, an interior designer, and Hallmark movie character.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, I'm just trying to remember to put the clothes from the, I was gonna say dishwasher.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's where my brain is.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: We do not put our clothes in the dishwasher from your washing machine into the dryer.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you have all of that going on, and then it's December and your schedule changes.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: The kids are now home from school.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody is excited and they're loud and they're sugared up.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Your routines disappear, and your ADHD brain goes, What the heck is going on?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Hold on.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It took me a long time to figure out why I didn't like Christmas as much as the general population.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate the very deep meaning of Christmas.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's a part of our faith.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I have always kind of felt guilty that it always felt so overwhelming, and I just couldn't enjoy it as much.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about why the holidays can feel especially overwhelming and why the littlest things suddenly feel like this big, huge things, and how to build a season that feels doable and honestly even more enjoyable.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, first of all, the ADHD brain and the holiday season is a lot.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: The holidays hit every single ADHD pressure point.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Remembering dates, remembering presents, showing up on time, navigating social expectations, deadlines, school schedules changing every other day, and the pressure just to keep up with everything.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then on top of that, all of the smells and sounds, some of us are overwhelmed with, you know, very bright lights on top of already being overwhelmed, or the smells of different things.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: And even though everybody around us is excited and they're energized, our brains lose their buffers because the structure disappears, routines evaporate, kids are home yelling about, playing in the snow, and then coming inside with all their wet mess, and then they want hot chocolate, and then they go back outside, and then they come back in, and then they want to watch a movie.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And this whole time you're just trying to mop up the first time they came in with all of their snow stuff, and you have all this melted, dirty snow in the mud room, coat room, entryway, whatever you call it, and it's just a lot of stimulation all at once.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Experts talk about how people with ADHD thrive on predictability, structure, and consistent routines.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Even though we internally try to fight against it, that's how we thrive.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: In the holidays, basically take that nice, predictable, structured, consistent routine snow globe, and it just shakes the crap out of it.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you might notice you're more irritable, you have a shorter fuse, maybe a lower tolerance for things, forgetting what you were doing constantly, emotional whiplash, you know, and that feeling of I should be enjoying this, but why am I drowning?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: We love watching Christmas movies with the kids.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but at the end of the day, my husband will turn one on and the kids are all excited, and we've got the popcorn out, and I just I can't.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I have to go back in my room and close the door because I'm so overstimulated.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: The TV is too loud.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I just, I just need a moment of silence and quiet.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it's hard because you want to spend your time with them, but also you're crumbling inside.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay just to take a few minutes or an hour and or just say, hey, you guys enjoy this.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna go back and just stare at a wall for a little bit.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Another reason why the holidays feel like so much.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's talk about him.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know him.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Elf on the shelf.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: The elf on the freaking shelf.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Two of my kids were in the living room last night when I was pulling together this podcast, and I asked um, well, here, this is what they had to say.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: So are you sad at all that we never did elf on the shelf?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Not really.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um did you I never really even knew about it.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think you're the one who told me about it.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I may have told you about it.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I just had a friend as a kid that did it, and I just thought it was a little weird, but I don't know.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: There's other weirder traditions like finding a pickle on your tree or something like that.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's well, wait, finding a pickle on your tree?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know about this.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: So like it could be worse.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I could do a pickle on a tree other than everyday elf on the shelf.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, a pickle on the tree, just like a pickle like anywhere.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: A pickle anywhere in the house.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to find a pickle somewhere in the house?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: It could be like in a certain room, and you could give us like clues, like a scavenger hunt to find the pickle.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: So what if we don't find the pickle?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: We just never open gifts?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: You would know where the pickle is.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because you have to give them like clues.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: Kind of like a scavenger hunt.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I forget things.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: Then write it on a piece of paper.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then write it down on a piece of paper.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Are you sad that we never did Elf on the Shelf?
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they're kind they're kind of creepy.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we play Find the Mini Jesus at our house.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, maybe we add the pickle tradition.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and since we all love to get sidetracked, I had to look up this pickle tradition.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you already know what it is, but here's what I found.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people think it comes from Germany.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: But apparently German historians have said loud and clear, we do not know what this is.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: So it turns out this long time tradition likely came from American marketing in the late 1800s, specifically glass-blown ornament companies trying to sell more ornaments, including the pickle-shaped ones that weren't selling.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So they invented a German tradition.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: And Americans said, oh wow, a quaint old world custom.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we're in.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how the Christmas pickle was born.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: That makes the most sense to me, honestly.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Marketing.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: All right, why the holidays feel so overwhelming?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because doing Elf on the Shelf every day is just too much.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe the pickle thing, that could be something more manageable.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's it could be fun to look forward to.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that can be really overwhelming over the holidays is Christmas cards.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's a simple, fun task for some people, but for the ADHD brain, it's a whole side quest.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you, but this is kind of what it looks like for me.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do a family picture in July.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: All right, well, it's December 2nd and it's freezing outside, so we don't have a family picture.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm trying to figure out how are we going to pull together a family picture?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe I can just find some family photos from my phone that I can throw together for a family card.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we finally find the design, then you buy the cards, but not just any card because you have to look through the designs and it needs to feel like us.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then you need to make sure that you order it on time.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you think, well, I should probably write a personalized message because these are all very special people.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can't find the right pen or you start writing and it smudge everything, and you have to use a new card, and then it gets expensive.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, then you realize you don't have all of the family addresses anymore, or three different people moved and you don't know what their new addresses are.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So you message them on Facebook and you try to get, it's just a whole process.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: And every year I come back and think, you know what?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't we just start doing groundhog day family photo something and start a new tradition there?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because Christmas is so overwhelming already.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just do it in February.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: But we all know that ain't gonna happen.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then, and then there's the presents.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to figure out who gets what gifts, how much are we spending on each, being organized, making sure everybody has the same amount of gifts?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's just very overwhelming.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are you going to do to make the holidays actually work this year?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know that doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, is the definition of insanity.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let's not be insane this year.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a gentle reframe as you head into the holidays.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: You are not behind, you're not gonna miss out on the joy, and you're not failing at traditions.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're living the holidays with an ADHD brain, one that feels deeply, loves intensely.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it gets overwhelmed easily, but it also brings insane creativity to the season in ways that you might not even see.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: The goal here is to create this holiday season as one that feels simple, beautiful, and sustainable for your actual life.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your kids, your family, your partner, they're gonna remember how it felt to be in your home.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So don't be perfect.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just make it feel cozy, warm, loved, and safe.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Even if the tree's crooked, even if you don't do elf on the shelf this year, or if the Christmas cookies get burnt.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, thanks for hanging out with me today and just letting me ramble on about this.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm learning as I go to, and I wish I would have known all of this a long time ago.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not gonna beat myself up about it.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to share so that you can learn to work with your brain, not against it.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: We have some more great interviews coming up over the next few weeks, so keep listening.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Please rate the show so others can find us and share it with your friends.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let's help each other go from surviving to thriving.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can find us at theadhdmom.com or go to the show notes.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: I put a link there so you can easily subscribe to our newsletter so you can get these quick wins right to your inbox and not miss a thing.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, have a beautiful week.