Latest / DA CREW Podcast / Let the Healing Begin with Apostles Lee and Dr Kimberly Thomas

Transcript

Let the Healing Begin with Apostles Lee and Dr Kimberly Thomas · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Begins.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Oh.
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  Speaker 1: Every first and third Sunday, eight pm Eastern Time. Apostbly
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and doctor Kimmery bring healing to your mind, streaming on
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: the Crew podcast network, YouTube, Facebook, Kick and Twitch. Fade
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Truth and relationships. This is what your spirit's been missing.
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  Speaker 3: Let the healing begin.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Let the truth be told. Let the rather up, ever
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: stay your soul seed whistle from above.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: Likely love it's up.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: Let the healing begain.
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: Let the healing begin healing again.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Let the healing begin.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Healing again.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Apostle he brings the word with grace, biblical truth for
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  Speaker 1: the trials with face. Doctor Kimberlee speaks light to the heart,
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  Speaker 1: restoring the broken, a brand new sun from telling Hessy
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  Speaker 1: roots to the world online the sharing real top, one
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  Speaker 1: soul at a time, spiritual growth and practical advice, helping
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  Speaker 1: your healing walk in new life relationships.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Forgive this family and faith.
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  Speaker 1: Real life challenge is covered by grace, brought.
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  Speaker 3: Truthf real less is healing with it.
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  Speaker 1: Come to the table, Let the healing, Let the truth
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  Speaker 1: be told.
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  Speaker 5: Saabo, Hey, good evening, Come to the table and let
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: the healing begin.
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  Speaker 3: We want to welcome you tonight to let the healing begin.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: We are your hosts and Kimberly Thomas, and we are
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: so glad to be here with you tonight. We want
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: to thank you for joining us for another episode of
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  Speaker 3: Let the Healing Begin. Before we begin tonight, we want
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: to share with those of you who may be first
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: time viewers of what Let the Healing Begin and consist of.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: We talk about sex, we talk about marriage, we talk
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  Speaker 3: about laws, we talk about intimacy, and most of all,
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: we talk about the hard topics that most relationships don't
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: want to talk about, but we're here for it. Let
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: me put this disclaimer out there. We do not claim
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  Speaker 3: to have the monopoly on this thing called marriage, nor
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  Speaker 3: do we have nor have we mastered marriage. But what
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  Speaker 3: we do have is a marriage. We have years, we
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  Speaker 3: have experience, and most of all, we have a mandate
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  Speaker 3: from God to share our experiences with those of you
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  Speaker 3: that are trying to navigate through this journey that we
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  Speaker 3: call life in this way of marriage. So as we
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  Speaker 3: start off tonight, you know, we always have topics that
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  Speaker 3: we like to share and just have a little open
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: dialogue and talk. We want y'all to talk back to
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: us tonight. We want to thank you for joining us
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: and we welcome your comments. So we're gonna get started tonight,
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  Speaker 3: and tonight we're gonna talk about something that is of
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  Speaker 3: vital importance and any relationship, in any marriage. The thing
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  Speaker 3: that we are going to talk about tonight is truth
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  Speaker 3: and transparency. One thing that I want us to realize
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  Speaker 3: and understand is that healing does not happen by accident.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: It does not It does not happen by accident. The
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: thing is that it happens, and it has to happen
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  Speaker 3: on purpose and intentionally, and it begins with truth and transparency.
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  Speaker 3: So we're gonna get started tonight. Do you want to
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  Speaker 3: open us up with with our topic tonight or okay,
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: well you funny, you got jokes tonight, But okay, all right,
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  Speaker 3: So truth and transparency. One of the things that I
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: really want us to talk about is the fact that
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  Speaker 3: in order for healing to take place is that it
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: cannot be just a surface change. It can't be a
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  Speaker 3: surface change. So many times we have deep embedded hurt,
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: deep embedded feelings. We got things that we have brought
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: over from other relationships that we have never ever dealt with.
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  Speaker 3: We have not unpacked those things, but we continue on
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  Speaker 3: in life. So Basically what we have done is we
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: have suppressed a whole lot of things. We have a
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: whole lot of baggage. You know, when we first began
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  Speaker 3: our episodes, we talked about what do you bring, you know,
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  Speaker 3: what do you bring to your relationships? What did you
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: bring to your marriage? And we found out that on
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  Speaker 3: both sides, male and well, we have baggage, and we
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  Speaker 3: brought a lot of baggage with us. So I want
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  Speaker 3: to talk about or deal with a little bit tonight,
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  Speaker 3: just on the onset of the fact that it cannot
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  Speaker 3: it cannot be a surface change. You know, we say
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  Speaker 3: we want to heal, we say, you know, we want
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  Speaker 3: to be made whole, but we don't really want to
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  Speaker 3: allow the healing to begin because sometimes you know, you
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: may fall and you get a scalp, and you know,
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  Speaker 3: you look at it and you say, oh, well it's healing,
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  Speaker 3: it's healing. But then you look at it again and
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: you be like, well it just it's something is not
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  Speaker 3: looking right. So sometimes that scalp gets pulled off. And
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  Speaker 3: when that scalp gets pulled off, it hurts, It hurts
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  Speaker 3: for it to be opened up.
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  Speaker 6: A So basically, what you're doing, you're opening up a
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  Speaker 6: wound that's truly actually healing. But what you're really seeing
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  Speaker 6: is new life. And in order to have that new life,
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  Speaker 6: you first got to let that old life die. Yes,
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  Speaker 6: And once you let that old life die, there can
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  Speaker 6: be life. You can begin to have feeling. But you
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  Speaker 6: got to start somewhere, and you have to start with truth.
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  Speaker 6: And if you can be true to yourself, then you
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  Speaker 6: can be true to somebody else. But it's just like
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  Speaker 6: trying to love someone. If you don't love yourself completely,
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  Speaker 6: how can you love somebody else. If you don't be
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  Speaker 6: totally honest with yourself, how can you be honest with
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  Speaker 6: somebody else? We have, for lack of better words, a
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  Speaker 6: misunderstanding of who we are. You know, because I'll look
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  Speaker 6: at you, and because I don't want to hurt your
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  Speaker 6: feelings or make you feel some type of way, I'll.
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  Speaker 7: Mask what I want to say.
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  Speaker 6: Oh, I'll suppress that very thing that aggravates me to
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  Speaker 6: the utmost. You know, it'll get on what you call
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  Speaker 6: one of my labels, my reserve nerve. And then one
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  Speaker 6: day you come in and not knowing I've been known
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  Speaker 6: as to what I got going on, you say something
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  Speaker 6: or do something and then I blow up and then
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  Speaker 6: you be like, what is the matter because I hadn't
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  Speaker 6: healed from that thing that you brought to the table
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  Speaker 6: at that time, you know.
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  Speaker 3: And that's one thing that you said, you brought out
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  Speaker 3: a very good point about loving yourself.
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  Speaker 7: Yes I did.
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  Speaker 3: And you can't love your if you don't love yourself,
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  Speaker 3: you can't love somebody else. And so many times life
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  Speaker 3: has happened to us. And you know, the kids say,
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  Speaker 3: life be life, and then sometimes life really has.
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  Speaker 7: Life a lot in your life.
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  Speaker 3: For us, you know, we've gone through things all through
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  Speaker 3: our life, through our upbringing, you know, as young people,
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  Speaker 3: into our teen years and our young adult years, and
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  Speaker 3: even sometimes into our adult years that we have never
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  Speaker 3: fully unpacked. We have just packed stuff on top of it.
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  Speaker 3: We have suppressed it, and we have moved on because
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  Speaker 3: we don't allow ourselves to heal properly. Sometimes we have
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  Speaker 3: just okay, well, I fail down, I got up, I
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  Speaker 3: dust myself off, and I had to keep moving. I
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  Speaker 3: had to I had to keep it keeping pushing. I
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  Speaker 3: could not allow myself or give myself enough time to heal.
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  Speaker 3: And one of the things that we have learned over
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  Speaker 3: the years is that these things that we have suppressed,
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  Speaker 3: they are triggers because when something else happens in your life,
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  Speaker 3: that thing resurfaces. So that's just like, now, you know,
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  Speaker 3: this one thing that I may have heard, or I
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  Speaker 3: may have had buried in me since I was ten
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  Speaker 3: years old. Now something that you have said has woken
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  Speaker 3: that thing up in me. And that's like, I'm pulling
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  Speaker 3: the scalp, a forty year old scalp off of this thing.
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  Speaker 6: Okay, And that's good that you say that, you pulling
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  Speaker 6: the scalball that I was unaware of. So at that point,
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  Speaker 6: you didn't heal from falling, and then you didn't give
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  Speaker 6: yourself to time to process the fall. A lot of
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  Speaker 6: times we immediately move into the next phase, you know,
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  Speaker 6: we go by what we heard as we are growing up.
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  Speaker 6: Get up, brush yourself off, and keep it moving. But
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  Speaker 6: if you don't process the fall, you're gonna do it again,
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  Speaker 6: but this time it may be worse, you know. So
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  Speaker 6: at that point, you're not loving you, you're not being
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  Speaker 6: truthful to you.
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  Speaker 7: So how can you.
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  Speaker 6: Expect this relationship to work because you're not being truthful
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  Speaker 6: to me. If you're hurt, you're just hurt. Look I'm
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  Speaker 6: not ready yet. And in the event that the individual
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  Speaker 6: that you're talking to is trying to push it, then
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  Speaker 6: that should be an indication.
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  Speaker 7: That's that first sign. That should be a no, I'm done.
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  Speaker 6: I can't do that because you're trying to push me
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  Speaker 6: faster than I want to go. And see, you got
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  Speaker 6: to learn me just like I got to learn you.
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  Speaker 6: So then therefore we can grow together. Yes, So how
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  Speaker 6: is there healing if I never took the time to
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  Speaker 6: allow myself to heal completely.
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  Speaker 7: I was looking at something earlier when it said the.
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  Speaker 6: Lady said, I went through some things and I hadn't
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  Speaker 6: had time to process it.
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  Speaker 7: And he said, well, we can do that.
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  Speaker 6: We can do that, and she said, well I'm not ready,
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  Speaker 6: he said, but what you wait? You know, you can't
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  Speaker 6: give anyone a certain time or a limit on how
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  Speaker 6: long you're supposed to do one thing or.
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  Speaker 7: The other right.
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  Speaker 3: And that's the thing, you know, and so many times,
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  Speaker 3: even with grief, you know, people deal with grief and
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  Speaker 3: handle grief differently, and that's the other thing that we
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  Speaker 3: try to put a time limit on. We try to,
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  Speaker 3: you know, rush people through that grieving process. And that's
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  Speaker 3: another thing that we have to understand that even in that,
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  Speaker 3: you know, it cannot be a surface it cannot be
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  Speaker 3: a surface change. It cannot it cannot be a change
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  Speaker 3: that's only temporary or a change that's situational, because if
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  Speaker 3: you are not completely healed and made whole, as Li said,
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  Speaker 3: it's gonna it'll resurface, It'll resurface. And then you know,
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  Speaker 3: just just to touch a little bit on that about
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  Speaker 3: the grief process, you know, as he was saying, you know,
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  Speaker 3: when you think about the fact that you're pushing, you're
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  Speaker 3: pushing people, you know, and you're pushing them to try
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  Speaker 3: to get through something faster than what they are willing
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  Speaker 3: or able to do. Even in our case, some of
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  Speaker 3: you may know and others of you may not know,
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  Speaker 3: but we had a daughter. She would be twenty two
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  Speaker 3: years old, and one of the things that we had.
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  Speaker 3: What I had to realize was that we grieve differently.
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  Speaker 3: And a lot of times when things happen in your life,
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  Speaker 3: and it may not be losing a child, it may
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  Speaker 3: be losing a job, it may be losing another family
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  Speaker 3: member or whatever that enters into your life. The thing
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  Speaker 3: that happens is you're grieving over that, and everybody grieves differently,
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  Speaker 3: and we had a conversation about this, I think, maybe
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  Speaker 3: just a couple of weeks ago, about the grieving process
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  Speaker 3: for me as the mother, the one who carried the child,
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  Speaker 3: the one who was there, the one who left home
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  Speaker 3: full and came home empty. We had we had clothes
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  Speaker 3: and all types of things for Kaylee and for me.
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  Speaker 3: To start my healing process, it was move these things out.
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  Speaker 3: Get these things, you know, move them out, give them away,
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  Speaker 3: do something with them. And then I realized after the
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  Speaker 3: fact that I did not give Lee the time to
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  Speaker 3: really heal or even ask him about his healing process
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  Speaker 3: or where he was in his grieving process. It was
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  Speaker 3: a thing about one day he came home and he realized,
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  Speaker 3: I said, some of the things that were in the
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  Speaker 3: closet that belonged to her had disappeared. They weren't there anymore.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't drastically take them out. I took them out
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  Speaker 3: little by little, and maybe I took them out little
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  Speaker 3: by little as not to really bring awareness to him,
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  Speaker 3: to say, hey, these things are moving out of here.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know. I can't say that that was my reasoning.
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  Speaker 3: But one thing that I do know is that when
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: we actually begin to have a conversation. His conversation was like,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: where's my baby's things? And I said, oh, well, you know,
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: I've been giving them to so and so. You know,
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: so and so was having a baby, and I thought that,
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: you know, they could use this, so they could use that.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: And his thing was, why, you know, don't take her
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  Speaker 3: things away, don't move her things. And so this was
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: the thing that we that I had to come to
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: the realization of the fact that, first of all, in
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: that healing process, it was a surface it was a
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  Speaker 3: surface healing for me. It was a surface change for me,
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  Speaker 3: out of sight, out of mind, not being able not
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: coming home every day to see the clothing, They're not
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: coming home every day to see the baby things there.
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  Speaker 3: So now if I'm not visually seeing these things, okay,
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  Speaker 3: I'm telling myself and deceiving myself that oh yeah, I'm healing.
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  Speaker 3: I'm I'm you know, I'm healing. I'm healing from this.
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  Speaker 3: But twenty two years later and just having conversations that
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: there are still some places that are wrong. There are
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: still some places in our lives that are affected because
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: of this process. So you cannot rush anybody through their
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: process and That's what we have to understand. Even in relationships,
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: we have to be totally honest. We gotta be truthful,
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: and we have to be transparent.
• 17:02
  Speaker 6: About the clothing and all that. That's one segment of it.
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  Speaker 6: But let's get back to the relationship side of it.
• 17:09
  Speaker 6: You know, it takes two. You know, in order for
• 17:14
  Speaker 6: us as a whole to heal, we're talking about healing tonight.
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  Speaker 7: For us to.
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  Speaker 6: Heal, we have to really look at each other and
• 17:24
  Speaker 6: recognize that it wasn't just you, right, It's not just me.
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  Speaker 7: You have feelings, I have feelings.
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  Speaker 6: Our feelings are different, and then we have feelings for
• 17:36
  Speaker 6: each other. So therefore, at that point, you know, you
• 17:39
  Speaker 6: have to learn to tell the truth and trust the
• 17:43
  Speaker 6: feelings that you have to work because anything that you're
• 17:46
  Speaker 6: forced to work ain't gonna work. You know, if you
• 17:49
  Speaker 6: tell the truth, then I know what you're feeling. You know,
• 17:52
  Speaker 6: I'm sitting here, and as you said about the clothes,
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  Speaker 6: you go through the whole term and for nine months
• 17:59
  Speaker 6: along and you're looking at I can't wait to see
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  Speaker 6: my baby in this.
• 18:03
  Speaker 7: I want to see what she looks like.
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: Okay, we go through all that and you won't see that,
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: but you saw her.
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  Speaker 7: Okay, God did what.
• 18:13
  Speaker 6: He done, and it was a full reason it burned
• 18:16
  Speaker 6: out the ministry, But also what did it do for
• 18:20
  Speaker 6: us as a whole?
• 18:22
  Speaker 7: How do you heal?
• 18:24
  Speaker 6: And when you're together and you become one, you're supposed
• 18:28
  Speaker 6: to work as one, two spirits, one soul. We have
• 18:35
  Speaker 6: to come together on a lot of things. But before
• 18:38
  Speaker 6: all that, you got to get you together. You got
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: to heal. I got to heal. I got to tell
• 18:45
  Speaker 6: myself the truth. I'm not ready. I don't want this,
• 18:48
  Speaker 6: I don't need this. I can't handle this right now.
• 18:51
  Speaker 6: See I can sit there say, oh no, I'm good.
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  Speaker 6: I'm a man, I got this. You know, we're good.
• 18:57
  Speaker 6: You good, You're good. But I'm lying to you, and
• 19:03
  Speaker 6: I'm lying to myself because I'm being untruthful about how
• 19:06
  Speaker 6: I truly feel. Same thing with life itself, with your
• 19:10
  Speaker 6: own self. You know, in relationships, you've had relationships outside
• 19:15
  Speaker 6: the person that you're with, and statistically you fall in
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: love about nineteen good times, and then I'm just you know,
• 19:26
  Speaker 6: I deal with numbers.
• 19:28
  Speaker 7: I deal with numbers.
• 19:28
  Speaker 6: So about nineteen good times you done fell in love,
• 19:31
  Speaker 6: but it's been one or two that was really one
• 19:33
  Speaker 6: of those moments where you know, you don't never forget. Okay,
• 19:36
  Speaker 6: he wore this cologne, this one drove that car, We
• 19:40
  Speaker 6: did these things. Those were special moments in your life.
• 19:43
  Speaker 6: And then you got with the person that, oh, this
• 19:45
  Speaker 6: is the one we married. But then when you see
• 19:48
  Speaker 6: that other was the one, it was the one for
• 19:51
  Speaker 6: that moment, and you said, well, I'm done with that.
• 19:54
  Speaker 6: I don't have a problem with that, And all of
• 19:58
  Speaker 6: a sudden, you see them. Now you sad that this
• 20:00
  Speaker 6: person you ain't seen for ten years. You ain't heal
• 20:03
  Speaker 6: from that situation? Why are you mad? And then the
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: person you're looking at you cross eye and crazy?
• 20:09
  Speaker 7: What is your brother? You with me?
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 20:13
  Speaker 6: Yeah, but I say you didn't heal from that. That's
• 20:15
  Speaker 6: what I meant about moving too fast and moving out
• 20:19
  Speaker 6: of season. Give yourself an opportunity to live, give yourself
• 20:25
  Speaker 6: an opportunity to digress from what you was in so
• 20:29
  Speaker 6: you can move on to the next thing. Then you
• 20:30
  Speaker 6: can be honest with yourself and be honest with the
• 20:34
  Speaker 6: person that you're with. Then, because you gotta heal, and
• 20:38
  Speaker 6: people move too fast. You know, we live in what
• 20:41
  Speaker 6: you call a micro waves society and everybody want it
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: right now, but right now, get you right now to
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: where you at and that relationship that you're in that
• 20:50
  Speaker 6: you wonder where did we go wrong?
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we ask ourselves that where did we go wrong?
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: And the thing about it is, you know, when we
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: we find ourselves in this situation and we're saying where
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: did we go wrong? We went wrong because we took
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: the road to a quick fix. We took the road
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: to a quick fix. We wanted to fix this thing quickly.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: You know, sometimes you know, you trip and you look
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: around and see who looking. You try to regroup real
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: quick and hope nobody saw you stumble. But then it's
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: like here we are in this place, and now we're
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: in this place and we have chosen the route of
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: a quick fix instead of sitting down, taking the time
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: to really get healed, taking the time to really talk
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: about it, to talk ourselves through it. We want the
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: quick fix. So now that we have gotten into this place,
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: we have to realize that there is no quick fix
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: in healing. There's no quick fix there. There is not
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: this thing that you know you can snap your fingers
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: and it's gonna change overnight, or you know, you you
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: go in there and you press the setting that says
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: one minute on the microwave, and in one minute it
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: is done. That's not how healing works. It takes time.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: It takes time for us to heal. And so the
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: thing that we have to understand is that it's going
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: to take lifestyle changes. You have to make some modifications
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: in your lifestyle when you really and truly want to heal.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: And that means that you've got to be truthful. And
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: what hurts.
• 22:37
  Speaker 6: You know this hurts, and you said some of my
• 22:40
  Speaker 6: moment ago. You have to be truthful and you gotta
• 22:43
  Speaker 6: want to change. So you can't just make anybody change.
• 22:48
  Speaker 6: A lot of people are moved because they don't want
• 22:51
  Speaker 6: to lose this person or this relationship. But you gotta
• 22:54
  Speaker 6: realize both of you gotta want the same thing, and
• 22:57
  Speaker 6: most of all, you gotta want change for yourself of
• 23:00
  Speaker 6: want healing for yourself. You know, I'm not gonna go
• 23:04
  Speaker 6: along to get along, you know, but a lot of
• 23:06
  Speaker 6: people do. So you know, I see this individual, I
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: want to be with them and we're good. So I'm
• 23:13
  Speaker 6: just gonna suppress those feelings back there and then you
• 23:16
  Speaker 6: build a life and then miraculously, whenever you feel like
• 23:20
  Speaker 6: I'm beginning to breathe this old person pop up, your anger,
• 23:27
  Speaker 6: your blood gets the boiling, and then the person you're
• 23:30
  Speaker 6: with wondering, wait a minute, why is this happening? You said,
• 23:35
  Speaker 6: And see that's the part to wash your face right there,
• 23:37
  Speaker 6: you said this, that and the third well, no, it
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: ain't that Sey, you don't understand. I do understand. I'm
• 23:46
  Speaker 6: looking right at you. Clearly something is still there. And
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: that means you we wasn't fair to yourself, nor were
• 23:53
  Speaker 6: you fair to me, because now we got all this
• 23:56
  Speaker 6: time in and you still stuck.
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: Yes, And that is so true. That's so true. I
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: saw a comment that healing is a journey within itself,
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: and that is absolutely true. And the thing that we
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: have to understand is, like you said, you know, we
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: build relationships and we build them around lies because we
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: have not been honest with ourself to say that. You know,
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: I'm really not ready. And it's okay not to be ready.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: It's okay for you not to jump from one bed
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: to the next bed, to the next bed to the
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: next band. It's okay for you not to jump out
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: of one car to the next car. It's okay for
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: you not to jump out of one relationship into another
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: relationship just because you want to have the company or
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: you want to have somebody.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I hear so many people, so many people that stand
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: in offices within ministry, and they say, you know, they
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: use this scripture it is better to marry than to burn. No,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: what is what's best is that you sit down and
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: get your flesh under subjection. That's what's best. So many
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: times we find ourselves in these situations and we build
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: lives around lives because we don't know how to call
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: our flesh under subjection. We just want somebody, somebody, anybody, everybody,
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Ladi Dotti and whoever. We just want to have somebody.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: But we have to understand when we do that, we
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: are not only affecting us, but we're affecting the person
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: that we are bringing into our life of lives. Because
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: we're not totally healed. We still have feelings for whomever
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: he or she may be. We're still drop dragging them
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: around and Lord for being if they were to pop up,
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: what is going to be our reaction if the three
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: of us find ourselves in the same place, Wow, what's
• 26:00
  Speaker 3: gonna happen?
• 26:01
  Speaker 6: But see, even in that right that even after you
• 26:04
  Speaker 6: get out of the relationship, it's okay today, it's okay.
• 26:10
  Speaker 7: Remember to go go out to dinner.
• 26:12
  Speaker 6: I went out Monday, I went out Tuesday, and I
• 26:14
  Speaker 6: went out Wednesday, and it.
• 26:16
  Speaker 7: Was three different people. Get delivered from people.
• 26:23
  Speaker 6: Look, I'm no longer with anybody. They asked me. I accepted.
• 26:30
  Speaker 6: I went to dinner three different days. I had three
• 26:33
  Speaker 6: different conversations. I had three different nice times. Yeah, because
• 26:38
  Speaker 6: I was greeting. Yeah, I was greeedy for what company.
• 26:43
  Speaker 6: I didn't lie to myself. I enjoyed myself. I didn't
• 26:47
  Speaker 6: cross the line. I told you what the truth was.
• 26:50
  Speaker 6: But in the midst of that, that was also healing. Yes,
• 26:54
  Speaker 6: because people.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: The truth though, because everybody don't tell the truth.
• 26:59
  Speaker 7: We just we're talking about the truth, the truth. But
• 27:03
  Speaker 7: see that's the key, tell the truth. Be true to yourself.
• 27:07
  Speaker 6: Look, I just got out a relationship and I'm not
• 27:11
  Speaker 6: looking for a relationship now because.
• 27:13
  Speaker 7: You want to take me out to dinner.
• 27:14
  Speaker 6: Think that your conversation is going to be so great
• 27:17
  Speaker 6: that I'm gonna change my mind. Remember now, I told
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: you no. But if you want to take me, I'm
• 27:22
  Speaker 6: going to dinner and guess what. I'm gonna meet you there.
• 27:27
  Speaker 6: I'll meet you there. It's a way to do anything.
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: You got boundaries and you have control. But because you
• 27:36
  Speaker 6: got to understand it's me and my heart, not you
• 27:40
  Speaker 6: and yours, because you got yours together, because your heart
• 27:43
  Speaker 6: looking or your mouth saying you want to be with me,
• 27:45
  Speaker 6: But that ain't where I'm trying to be right now.
• 27:47
  Speaker 6: I just want conversation, if that. But more than that,
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: I want to get here for what had me all
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: twisted up. I was listening one day, look ear dropped, Yes,
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: what I'm saying. The ladies go out and they were
• 28:01
  Speaker 6: talking about the fire man something. I said, Oh, my goodness,
• 28:06
  Speaker 6: not the fire man. I said, okay, But they told
• 28:11
  Speaker 6: the whole truth. You know, they were looking for truth
• 28:15
  Speaker 6: and they got the whole truth. And if you don't
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: tell the truth, how can you help somebody else? See,
• 28:21
  Speaker 6: because you'll get it confused thinking that this is it
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: and that ain't it. See some things you hear, even
• 28:30
  Speaker 6: when you're in ministry. You go to a different church
• 28:32
  Speaker 6: and you heard a word you never heard before, and
• 28:34
  Speaker 6: the first thing you do, oh, I need to go
• 28:36
  Speaker 6: over there because it's good over there. No, that was
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: a momentary fix. God, just say, put that in your arsenal.
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: Don't just run over there because it sounds good. Put
• 28:45
  Speaker 6: it in your arsenal. That's something you can keep in
• 28:48
  Speaker 6: your personal back package, you know what I mean. You
• 28:52
  Speaker 6: got to know the difference.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, And we definitely have to take it slow. We
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: have to take it slow because when we speed, we
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: miss things. You know, when you're when you're going fast,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: you they are things that you miss on the road.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: And you may travel this road every single day, but
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: when you are speeding, there's so much that you miss.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: But when you slow down, you be like, oh, I
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: never saw the house that when they put the house there.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: Oh I didn't know that was over there, when when
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: they put is that new? No, that's been there the
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: fifty years that you've been riding down this road. But
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: because you're always in a hurry, because you're always going fast,
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: you miss it. So we must take it slow because
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: when you are speeding, you missing signs, you missing those
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: red flags, you missing those things. And sometimes your mind
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: will deceive you because of what your flesh desires, so
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: you will dismiss things. You will see it, but then
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: you be like, no, that that wasn't a case, you know,
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: and so many people be like, well, you know, we
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: was together and all of a sudden we got in
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: this thing about six months and he just turned out
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: to be this or she turned out to be that baby.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: You saw that on date number five.
• 30:14
  Speaker 7: It took that long.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: But because of what you desired.
• 30:18
  Speaker 7: Ah, now we getting to the meet you.
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: You dismissed it. So it's not that right. It's not
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: that you didn't see it. It's not that it took
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: you six months to see it. You saw it, but
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: because of you wanted what you wanted, you figured you
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: can fix.
• 30:36
  Speaker 6: It, can fix this, you know, I can change them.
• 30:39
  Speaker 6: One thing about an individual. If you passed twenty one
• 30:41
  Speaker 6: years of age and you've been doing the same thing,
• 30:44
  Speaker 6: you ain't finna do no change unless you want to change.
• 30:47
  Speaker 6: You know, there's no fixing a grown person. They are
• 30:50
  Speaker 6: who they are. Now we're gonna sit down and have
• 30:53
  Speaker 6: a conversation. I like this, I like that. My moods
• 30:56
  Speaker 6: are like this, and my moods are like that. Don't
• 30:58
  Speaker 6: come in there with no mas. Too old for that
• 31:01
  Speaker 6: and the way that time life is now. Just tell
• 31:04
  Speaker 6: the truth. Look, I'm a cranky person. You know I
• 31:08
  Speaker 6: don't get up early. You get up early. I like
• 31:10
  Speaker 6: to do this, and I like things a certain way.
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: I do everything this way. Bom bom bomb bombomb. Okay,
• 31:16
  Speaker 6: sometime we can switch it up a little bit. But
• 31:18
  Speaker 6: love me for who I am, not who you want
• 31:21
  Speaker 6: me to be. Yes, I'm not your perfect fix fix.
• 31:25
  Speaker 6: You allow yourself to see what you see and then
• 31:31
  Speaker 6: talk about that. Don't think about we together, you know. Oh, okay,
• 31:35
  Speaker 6: we've been dating and we having fun and stuff. You
• 31:38
  Speaker 6: come by and everything, you was mister clean. Then one
• 31:41
  Speaker 6: day you came by, you was mister dirty. And I
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: let you set on my cock. No, no, I'll let
• 31:44
  Speaker 6: you set on my cock like that. Oh that was
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: just that one time. That wouldn't have been that time, Oh,
• 31:50
  Speaker 6: because I don't like that. Tell the truth, don't try
• 31:53
  Speaker 6: to sugarcoat nothing, and then when they leave, you brushing
• 31:55
  Speaker 6: the couch off.
• 31:56
  Speaker 7: Oh man, no, not the old man.
• 31:59
  Speaker 6: The only way that you don't allow anything to get
• 32:02
  Speaker 6: started is don't let it get started.
• 32:04
  Speaker 7: Tell the truth. Be too to ourselves.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, and you know that is so true. You know,
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: when we allow ourselves to heal, it prevents us from
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: dragging those dead man bones around. It prevents us from
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: you know, pulling our past with us, because when we
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: find ourselves in that situation, we will then begin to heal.
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: And once we heal, we can move forward. And yeah,
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: we when we look at the red flash, the red
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: flags are there, but we ignore them, ignore them because
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: we lonely. You know, so many people they say that,
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: you know, people crazy. You know, I went out with
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: this person and oh, I thought that they was good.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: We talked and then when we got together, they was
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: just crazy. No, they was crazy from the beginning. They
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: was crazy from the beginning, and you was crazy because
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: they showed you the signs that they was crazy.
• 33:04
  Speaker 6: One thing I've realized in this journey that you know,
• 33:08
  Speaker 6: statistically they said ninety days, you'll know anybody. But the
• 33:14
  Speaker 6: problem with statistics are this, everybody can read them, so
• 33:18
  Speaker 6: they've learned how to curve it. Sometimes they take two
• 33:22
  Speaker 6: three years and all of a sudden, who are you?
• 33:24
  Speaker 6: That's the person I've been the whole time. My question
• 33:27
  Speaker 6: to you is did you ask questions? The only question
• 33:31
  Speaker 6: that was a dumb question was the one you didn't ask.
• 33:34
  Speaker 6: Because you know what, you have a heart, you and
• 33:36
  Speaker 6: you have a mind and your eyes, do work. Ask
• 33:40
  Speaker 6: the question that you are curious about. If your mind
• 33:42
  Speaker 6: told you to ask this, whatever the question may be,
• 33:46
  Speaker 6: ask it, and why you ask them, look them den
• 33:48
  Speaker 6: in their eyes so you can see the reaction that
• 33:50
  Speaker 6: you get because you know what, if you ask me
• 33:54
  Speaker 6: something that I don't want you to know, you get
• 33:57
  Speaker 6: this because you can't think quick enough to suppress what
• 34:04
  Speaker 6: they trying to say. Nah, man, I just straight up no,
• 34:08
  Speaker 6: I ain't doing it. I just don't do that. So therefore,
• 34:13
  Speaker 6: you being truthful, and you're giving this individual or opportunity
• 34:17
  Speaker 6: to say, oh, I can deal with that, or I
• 34:19
  Speaker 6: can learn to deal with that, or I just ain't
• 34:21
  Speaker 6: dealing with that period exactly.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: And that's the thing, you know, when we're truthful and transparent,
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: because one of the things that you know, we need
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: to in order for us to heal. We don't want
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: to cause anybody else harm. So we need to heal
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: and not be in a place to where, even though
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: we are lonely, we're leading people on because there are
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: so many people. You know, you may have somebody that
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: really really likes you. They've been digging you for all
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: this time, and you know this, and so now that
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: you're broken and you're in this place. Okay, well, this
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: is my opportunity to use them to get whatever I
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: can get out of them or what have you, because
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: that's the mentality of a lot of people. One of
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: the things that I have found there are women that
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: like cute boys, they like the cuty guys, they like
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: those guys that you know, they're so prim and proper.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: And then there are others of us that like roughnecks.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: So you know, why would you why would you mess
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: with somebody's head and lead somebody on instead of being
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: truthful and transparent. Hey, this is not really gonna go anywhere. Yes,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: I'll go out with you, I'll go on a date
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: with you or whatever. But I'm in this situation right now.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: You know, I'm trying to get myself together. But don't
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: try to use somebody to feel avoid in your life
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: because you're in the process of your trying to heal.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: But then you're gonna drag them on until the roughneck comes.
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: Don't do that. Don't do that. Be truthful and be transparent,
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: be totally honest about where you are and what you like,
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: because so many times, you know, we have our types,
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: we have we have our types. And the thing is,
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: you know you know that, Okay, yeah he's cute, he's this,
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: he's that, but he's just really not my type. He's
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: not the one. He's not my type. This is not
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: the person that I would choose. You know, I gotta
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: have somebody that's a rough neck, because if I don't
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: have a rough neck, I'm gonna run over them just
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: because of who I am. And see these other things
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: that we have to be honest with ourselves because you
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: know that if you don't have this type of person,
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: you got this type of person in your life, if
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: they cute and soft, you gonna run over these people.
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: Leave them people alone, Leave them alone. Just don't drag
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: somebody in to drag them down. So don't do that.
• 37:02
  Speaker 6: So if we're not going down the same road, let's
• 37:04
  Speaker 6: not do this. But you know we oftentimes do that. Well, No,
• 37:09
  Speaker 6: I never did that part right there. I just told
• 37:11
  Speaker 6: the truth, see, because I wasn't a real good liar.
• 37:14
  Speaker 6: So I just told the whole truth exactly, and people
• 37:17
  Speaker 6: liked me a lot because you know, people feel like
• 37:20
  Speaker 6: they could change me. Oh no, I can fix that,
• 37:23
  Speaker 6: and I'm looking like you're finna get you a rear
• 37:26
  Speaker 6: headache because I'm not finna change. I told you who
• 37:29
  Speaker 6: it was from the get go on. Now you upset,
• 37:32
  Speaker 6: looking cross eye and crazy, And I told you, See,
• 37:35
  Speaker 6: when a person tell you something, believe what they're telling
• 37:38
  Speaker 6: you now, and also believe what you see. Don't think
• 37:42
  Speaker 6: that you can change them to fit your character or
• 37:45
  Speaker 6: you can fit it to make this work.
• 37:47
  Speaker 7: Because we look good together and we could do this.
• 37:49
  Speaker 6: Remember one thing out of all that we were talking about,
• 37:52
  Speaker 6: those was your thoughts exactly. That wasn't we are our thoughts.
• 37:57
  Speaker 6: That was your thoughts. So when it don't, don't get
• 38:01
  Speaker 6: mad at me.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, Cherry brought up a very good point. Ask God
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: as god, because what we want may not be what
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: he has for us, and a lot of times it's not.
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: It's not what he has for us. We we have
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: our desires, and what we desire is more than likely
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: not what we need. Is as Sharry stated, you know,
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: and that's the thing, because you know, just looking back
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: over our history and over our life, I didn't like
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: you at all.
• 38:31
  Speaker 7: This is what happened.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: He was not my choice. He was not he was
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: not my type at the time. And I'm like, you know,
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: I just really did not like him. And it was
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: it was the appearance. It was. It had nothing to
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: do with him because I never even gave him an
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: opportunity to try to get to know him. All I
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: knew is that he was dirty, and not dirty in
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: the sense of nasty dirty, but he was dirty because
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: of the work that he did. And every time he
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: would show up at my job, he would just be dirty.
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: He all clayed up and looked like he been walling
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: in the ditch something he really was. But you know,
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: that was just not my type at the time. And
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, no, leave me alone. And I was like,
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: you know, he was a stalker. That's why I said,
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: you're a soccer. He used to bring his brother and
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: all the people that used to work with him. They
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: would sit outside my job and be watching me and
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: all kinds of stuff, and I'm like, go somewhere with
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: your dirty old self. And I used to I labeled
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: him as a dirty old man, not that he is
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: that much older than me, because I know a lot
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: of y'all think that I'm a baby because people always say, oh,
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: he got that little young girl.
• 39:48
  Speaker 7: Baby.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I am not a young girl. Okay, we're gonna leave
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: it right there. I just had a birthday last weekend,
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: and I am not a young girl. I am well
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: over fifty years old. I just got God has preserved me,
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: and I thank God for that. But he was not
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: my type. He was not it. But God knew what
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: I needed. Even though he would come and he would
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: tell me, girl, you looking at your husband, I'd be like, whatever, No,
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: no I'm not, and you can take your dirty yourself
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: and go on somewhere and so. But the thing is,
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: God knows what we need. He knows what we need.
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: God knew, and I knew. I told her what I knew.
• 40:33
  Speaker 6: And now you see, thirty some years later, what it is.
• 40:38
  Speaker 6: You know sometimes you know the elevator don't need bottom
• 40:42
  Speaker 6: float too.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: Fast, and that's what it is.
• 40:48
  Speaker 7: But you know, that's the thing.
• 40:51
  Speaker 6: If you don't pursue what you desire and find out
• 40:56
  Speaker 6: that it's for real you, then how are you gonna
• 40:58
  Speaker 6: ever know?
• 40:59
  Speaker 7: Because all the laughing with it.
• 41:01
  Speaker 6: This is what I said, I said, I tell you
• 41:03
  Speaker 6: what I clean up really well. I said, Now if
• 41:07
  Speaker 6: I come here you don't know who I am, just
• 41:09
  Speaker 6: go out with me. And if you don't like me
• 41:11
  Speaker 6: or the conversation or whatever. I'm good. She said, Okay,
• 41:16
  Speaker 6: we did that. You see what I tried to tell her.
• 41:19
  Speaker 6: She recognized, and I said, sometimes we have a thought
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: in our mind or a picture of what we think
• 41:29
  Speaker 6: our boass is, and your boass is not the bow
• 41:34
  Speaker 6: ass that you need for you because everything you want
• 41:37
  Speaker 6: been walking by you the whole time, and you treated
• 41:40
  Speaker 6: them like nothing. And then later on down the line.
• 41:42
  Speaker 6: It's just like a flower. Finally it grew and it
• 41:45
  Speaker 6: developed and you're like, oh, that is beautiful. But now
• 41:48
  Speaker 6: I missed it. I missed the mark. Sometimes take the opportunity.
• 41:53
  Speaker 6: Like I said, be careful how you entertain strangers. It's
• 41:58
  Speaker 6: a lot of times when you go out and talk
• 42:00
  Speaker 6: to people, you don't even know who they are till
• 42:02
  Speaker 6: they open their mouth because of their appearance or just
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: their environment. And a lot of them are highly educated
• 42:10
  Speaker 6: if you take the time to look and then look
• 42:14
  Speaker 6: at me.
• 42:14
  Speaker 7: Now see.
• 42:17
  Speaker 6: But the thing of it is, you didn't give yourself
• 42:22
  Speaker 6: an opportunity.
• 42:25
  Speaker 7: To see what it was. You know, be true to yourself.
• 42:28
  Speaker 7: Don't treat yourself. Treat yourself, you know.
• 42:31
  Speaker 6: I try to tell her that, yes, being honest, you know,
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: because I've done it a lot. You know, I've had
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: a lot of girls or women like me, and I
• 42:44
  Speaker 6: was just looking.
• 42:44
  Speaker 7: At like that is not it.
• 42:47
  Speaker 6: And then when I got an opportunity to really see
• 42:49
  Speaker 6: them again, I'm like, who is that? And then the
• 42:52
  Speaker 6: that's that? I said, really wow? But I couldn't see that.
• 42:58
  Speaker 6: But see that's not what Lee wanted. You know, that's
• 43:01
  Speaker 6: the thing. I never got married till I knew that
• 43:04
  Speaker 6: was the one for me. See that was the difference.
• 43:07
  Speaker 6: I always knew what I wanted. But I learned to
• 43:09
  Speaker 6: ask God along the way. Lord, give me what I need.
• 43:13
  Speaker 6: You know what I desire, you know what I like,
• 43:15
  Speaker 6: But give me what I need, because see what you're
• 43:18
  Speaker 6: gonna give me gonna last. Because everything I've been picking,
• 43:20
  Speaker 6: it's just like a momentary feet It's not a little
• 43:22
  Speaker 6: band nead. You work today and it's off tomorrow. But see,
• 43:27
  Speaker 6: we go through life and life be life in and
• 43:30
  Speaker 6: then life becomes reality.
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: Now you're living, yes, And so that's why it is
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: so important for us to be truthful, be true to yourself.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: First of all, you gotta be honest with you, because
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: if you lie to you, you a lie to me
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: and anybody else. And so many times we do. We
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: lie to ourselves because we'll tell ourselves that we're okay,
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: I'm good. And that's the first thing that you know
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: when you're hurting and somebody says, oh, you okay, Oh
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: I'm good, I'm good.
• 44:05
  Speaker 4: No, you're not.
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: You're not good. But that's our that's our defense mechanism.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: We're good. And so when you realize that you're really
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: not good, it's okay to say that you're not good.
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: It's okay to say that, you know what, I've been
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: hurt before. I found myself in a situation and the
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: situation did not turn out good. And right now I'm
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: really trying to just pick up the pieces in my life.
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to gather myself back together. And it's okay.
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: It's okay to say that. Because one thing that I
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: often say, and this is one of my mottols coming
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: from a tattered past, is I may be broken, batter, cracked,
• 44:51
  Speaker 3: and chilled, but I am still dipping destiny. They're still
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: destiny in me. And so even though I have these
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: little piece, if I give all of the fragments of
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: my broken heart, my broken life, my tatter pass, if
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: I give those pieces to God. He is the only
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: one that can take just the littlest slither of my
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: life that is fragmented and put it back together again.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: He is the only one that can make me whole.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: I cannot look for him to make me whole. I cannot.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: He cannot look for me to make him hold. God
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: has to do that. He has to make us hole.
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: We can help each other, but I can't make him whole.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: I can complete him in some areas when we're connected,
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: but I cannot make him whole. And so that's what
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: we have to understand. Stop looking for somebody else to
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: make you whole. Stop looking for somebody else to do
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: these things for you. Look to God and be honest
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: about where you are. Where you are, He already knows
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: where you are. So stop lying to yourself and saying
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: I'm good. Because when you're not good, you're just not good.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: And when you're honest enough to tell God God, I'm
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: not good, this hurts. It hurts in this place right here.
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: And when you can open up your mouth and say
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: that you're giving him something to work with.
• 46:23
  Speaker 6: Yes you can give it. But in order to give
• 46:25
  Speaker 6: him something to work with, you gotta work with yourself
• 46:28
  Speaker 6: because he's always there for you. But where you allow
• 46:32
  Speaker 6: yourself to receive what he has for you, yes see,
• 46:35
  Speaker 6: and that's being honest with yourself. See, you know I
• 46:40
  Speaker 6: want this, but I don't need that at that time,
• 46:45
  Speaker 6: not saying that's not for me, but not right now.
• 46:49
  Speaker 6: You know, we have to look in the mirror and
• 46:50
  Speaker 6: really be okay with what you see, you know, because
• 46:53
  Speaker 6: you didn't come here with a twin, at least we didn't.
• 46:57
  Speaker 6: And you know, when I look in the mirror, I
• 46:59
  Speaker 6: gotta be happy with what I see in the mirror.
• 47:02
  Speaker 6: When I look in the mirror and I see what
• 47:04
  Speaker 6: I see, I smile. If I look in the mirror
• 47:06
  Speaker 6: and I'm not happy with us, how can I allow
• 47:08
  Speaker 6: this or present this to somebody else and think they're
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: gonna be happy with it?
• 47:11
  Speaker 7: Yes, if I'm not happy with it?
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, Now that that is a very good point because
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: so many times in relationships we lose ourselves. We lose ourselves,
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: ourself esteem gets rolled over with a steam roller. Our
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: who we once thought that we were, when we thought
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: we were beautiful, when we thought you know, we were
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: we were that all of a sudden. All it takes
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: is one thing to happen in our life in a relationship,
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: and we begin to look at ourselves differently. We begin
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: to ask ourselves questions like, you know, why they didn't
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: love me? They left me? What was wrong with me? Why?
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: You know? What does she have that I don't have?
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: And all of these things right, We begin to ask
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: ourselves these questions, and that messages with your mind. When
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: people do stuff like that and they walk out of
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: your life and they do these things, that messages with
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: your mind, and then you begin to start questioning yourself.
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: You start looking at yourself and you be like, yeah, well,
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm this, I'm that.
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: You begin to talk to yourself and then you take
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: ownership of those words, even the words that people may
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: speak to you that tear your self esteem down. You
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: lose that, you lose your self esteem, you lose your
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: self worth, and you begin to take ownership of those words.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: You allow those seeds to be planning, and then you
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: start looking at yourself differently. Oh nobody don't want me.
• 49:05
  Speaker 7: But see the thing of it is.
• 49:07
  Speaker 6: I often tell our congregations we have to get a
• 49:11
  Speaker 6: new mindset, We have to reset recalibrate and change our mindset,
• 49:17
  Speaker 6: because you know what, if I don't love what I
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: see it in the mirror, I can't.
• 49:22
  Speaker 7: Want you to love what you see in front of
• 49:26
  Speaker 7: your eyes.
• 49:27
  Speaker 6: If I don't have the confidant and myself, how can
• 49:32
  Speaker 6: I expect you to light desire or want to be
• 49:35
  Speaker 6: with what you see Because I'm not feeding you strength,
• 49:38
  Speaker 6: allowing you to see weakness, and there's no weakness in
• 49:41
  Speaker 6: me with that right there, Learn to look at yourself
• 49:44
  Speaker 6: and seat it is what it is.
• 49:45
  Speaker 7: We ain't twenty one, twenty five no more. We a
• 49:49
  Speaker 7: in sixties.
• 49:50
  Speaker 6: You know, and things change, but you know what, you
• 49:54
  Speaker 6: better be happy with the change.
• 49:56
  Speaker 7: Because you know what I look good.
• 49:59
  Speaker 6: Yes, look here, I'm not six pack, I'm three, But
• 50:03
  Speaker 6: I'm good, you know, because I'm mean. But when you
• 50:07
  Speaker 6: trying to hold on to what was instead of what is,
• 50:12
  Speaker 6: you fooling yourself? You lying to yourself because you know
• 50:16
  Speaker 6: what they I've heard him say for many years, they're
• 50:20
  Speaker 6: agent gracefully. Yeah, you're supposed to slow down and smell
• 50:24
  Speaker 6: the roses and drink the coffee and admire what God
• 50:29
  Speaker 6: has done for you in your life, because you know
• 50:32
  Speaker 6: what a lot of people didn't make it. A lot
• 50:35
  Speaker 6: of people don't look at look like what you look like.
• 50:38
  Speaker 6: And if you just take a moment to look around
• 50:41
  Speaker 6: and just drive and see, you know what, you ain't
• 50:44
  Speaker 6: doing bad at all because what God made was good
• 50:48
  Speaker 6: and very good. Now, if you don't appreciate that he
• 50:52
  Speaker 6: woke you up, if you don't appreciate that he allowed
• 50:56
  Speaker 6: you to do what you chose to do, you put
• 50:58
  Speaker 6: that fuck up there a little too many times and
• 51:00
  Speaker 6: then decide to walk. That was your choice. Be happy
• 51:04
  Speaker 6: with what you made. But the same way you made
• 51:07
  Speaker 6: you can make a difference. So don't get mad if
• 51:10
  Speaker 6: somebody else get the parent head, because he would. It
• 51:16
  Speaker 6: ain't that wrong with your neck and you can look too,
• 51:18
  Speaker 6: but learn to look at you and be happy with
• 51:20
  Speaker 6: what you have. Get the living from what somebody else
• 51:23
  Speaker 6: thinks about you, and start thinking about yourself and be
• 51:27
  Speaker 6: real with yourself. This is me, this is who I am,
• 51:32
  Speaker 6: and if this is not what you like, then then
• 51:34
  Speaker 6: you should not be here because I can start pointing
• 51:37
  Speaker 6: out some things too. But I accepted you for who
• 51:40
  Speaker 6: you are and that's who I love.
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: And that is so true because you know you often
• 51:47
  Speaker 3: say something and you know, I really didn't think about
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: it until just now. We have conversations and we talk
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: about everything, y'all. So the thing is, when when we
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: got together, I was like maybe one hundred and twenty
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: one hundred and twenty five thirty pounds maybe, and I
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: am beyond that now. And so he often says, you
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: know one thing about it. When you get with a
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: person and you grow with that person, we change. Life changes.
• 52:24
  Speaker 3: And if I love you, I love you whether you're one,
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: twenty or beyond. It's not about what I see physically.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: It's about what is in my heart. It's about what
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: I have for you. And so if you marry somebody
• 52:43
  Speaker 3: or you're in a relationship with them because they're the
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: cocola bottle or you know, they got the six pack,
• 52:50
  Speaker 3: all of that stuff gonna droop. It's gonna drop. They
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: gonna be tucking it up, pulling it up, pinning it up,
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: all of those things. All of those things are going
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: to happen because life changes. And so if that's what
• 53:03
  Speaker 3: you're looking for, and if that's what you're impressing upon
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: someone else that you know, okay, you were this when
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: we got together as teens or in our early twenties
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: or what have you. And now that we are well
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: beyond fifty and our life has changed, body has changed,
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: we have gotten fat and happy together. Now, don't try
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: to put pressure on me and say, okay, well I
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: want you to go back to you know, when you
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: was in the twenties child, please uh, because people think
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: something is really wrong if we go back to that.
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: But when we have grown together, this is what we
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: have to understand. I did not get with you because
• 53:45
  Speaker 3: of what you look like. I did not get with
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: you because of how you dress. I did not get
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: with you because of those things. I got with you
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: because I saw your heart, because I felt the love
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: I had, the love you gave, the love you showed,
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: the love. That is why God with you. I didn't
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: get with you for all this other stuff. So when
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: we get fat and happy together, we just fat and
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: happy together. Okay, Well, you don't have the six pack anymore.
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: You got a three pack. And I might not be
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: the Coke Cola bottle. I might be a two leader
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: if you ask some people. But whatever it is, it's mine, right,
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: it is mine.
• 54:24
  Speaker 7: And here's the thing, y'all.
• 54:26
  Speaker 6: When you're together and you started off coco Goba six pack,
• 54:29
  Speaker 6: all that, mister muscles, all this, eight twenty five, thirty
• 54:33
  Speaker 6: years later, you still see that same thing.
• 54:36
  Speaker 7: Only difference is it's a lot more of it.
• 54:39
  Speaker 6: And you're happy with that because I grew to be
• 54:43
  Speaker 6: with you this way. We grew together. So I still
• 54:46
  Speaker 6: see my baby. You understand me. I tell her all
• 54:49
  Speaker 6: the time to leave and be with somebody else. It
• 54:52
  Speaker 6: ain't gonna work because I didn't make that, I didn't
• 54:55
  Speaker 6: grow with that. It's gonna have to be a special one.
• 54:57
  Speaker 6: And God gont have to put it right on my left.
• 55:00
  Speaker 6: And if we go, I need for us. I love
• 55:02
  Speaker 6: us to go together because I don't want to be
• 55:03
  Speaker 6: by myself without.
• 55:04
  Speaker 7: You, you see.
• 55:06
  Speaker 6: So when I see her, I still see my baby.
• 55:08
  Speaker 6: That's all I see. Yes, that's the thing so loved,
• 55:13
  Speaker 6: the one. If you truly love yourself and then you
• 55:16
  Speaker 6: can love them, yes, then the healing can begin.
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: Yes, And that is so true. Our hearts never our
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: hearts never changed. They never outgrew one another. Even though
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: we put on extra panels, a little extra weight here
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: and there. Hearts never change. And that's what we have
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: to understand. When you truly love somebody, and you really
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: want to heal and be made whole. You have to
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: trust them, you have to be truthful, and you have
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: to be transparent because one of the things that we
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: know is that when we love each other and we're
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: truthful and we're transparent, we can then let the healing
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: begin when we realize that it's not gonna happen by accident,
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: but it happens on purpose and intentional. So we thank
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: you guys for joining us tonight, and we hope that
• 56:16
  Speaker 3: you will join us. We'll be back here on the
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: first Sunday at eight pm. We love the conversation tonight,
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: we love the interaction, and we want you to come back,
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: come back and join us for let the healing begin.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: We will see you guys on the first Sunday. Have
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: an awesome, awesome night in a great week.
• 56:39
  Speaker 8: To let the healing begin.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: Where we heal, growing Rock. We pray tonight show bless
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: your heart.
• 56:49
  Speaker 8: Now let the healing continue. You came in head carry
• 57:06
  Speaker 8: in the pain.
• 57:10
  Speaker 7: But God stepped in and called your name.
• 57:15
  Speaker 8: What was broken he can restore.
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: He's opening healing like never or tears madefaul.
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: But joy Wah.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: Paid his way again up inside every wound, every scot
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: every heeding thing.
• 57:46
  Speaker 4: Laid at the feet of the king. Let the heal
• 57:51
  Speaker 4: it again, let the peacefully, let the let restart so welcome,
• 58:02
  Speaker 4: Let the hear it again.
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: Let your heart be freeze.
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: God is thinking to your home.
• 58:11
  Speaker 3: Just be leave where he threw the word with st