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Transcript

Connection Begins With Curiosity · The Strength Catalyst

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Introspective Moments.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Colleen.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you've listened to the Strength Catalyst, you know that I spend my time talking with nonprofit leaders about the real challenges they face and how understanding their strengths helps them navigate those challenges with greater intention.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like to invite you to join me for these introspective moments.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we'll explore one strength at a time so that we can better understand ourselves, use our strengths with greater intention, and notice how they shape our work, our relationships, and our everyday lives.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin with Rapport Builder.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: People often think rapport builder is a strength for extroverts.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: They picture someone who can walk into a room, strike up conversations with just about anyone, and leave with a dozen new friends.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I've learned over the years.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Rap building isn't about being an introvert or an extrovert.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's about being curious enough to discover where connection might exist.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: My daughter Mary Claire reminded me of that just a few years ago.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: After graduating from college, she permanently settled into a city where she had very few peers.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: The friendships that had once come really naturally through classes and roommates and campus life were suddenly gone.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: She could have stayed home in her apartment and hoped friendships would somehow appear.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, she intentionally joined a kickball league.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Later, she joined a volleyball league.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Not because she loved kickball, not because she dreamed of becoming a volleyball player.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: She joined because she wanted to meet people.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Making new friends wasn't something that happened overnight.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Week after week, she found herself standing on the same sidelines with many of the same people.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But she didn't just show up.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: She introduced herself.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: She asked questions.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: She listened for the things they had in common.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: She remembered names, and conversations suddenly became familiar.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Shared experiences gradually turned into friendships.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And from this and other scenarios over the years, I've learned that connection begins with curiosity.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So rapport builder is the strength of finding common ground and helping people feel comfortable enough for a relationship to begin.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Notice that I didn't say deep relationships.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Rap Builder isn't about becoming best friends with everyone you meet.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's about creating the conditions where connection has a chance to grow.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the quickest ways we can begin to feel connected is discovering something we have in common.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a shared experience, a hobby, maybe it's a similar challenge.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Those small discoveries often spark much bigger and more meaningful conversations.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And here is something I've observed in coaching.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: When we're worried about making a good impression, our attention naturally turns inward.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: What should I say?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do I fit in?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't know anyone?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: But curiosity shifts our attention outward.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of wondering how we're being perceived, we begin wondering who this other person is.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And something interesting happens.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure eases.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're no longer trying to be interesting, we're becoming interested.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Psychologist Dr.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Marissa Franco, a brilliant woman, discusses what researchers call the liking gap in her book Platonic.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I highly recommend it.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And study after study has found that after meeting someone new, most people underestimate how much the other person actually liked them.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: While we're replaying the conversation in our heads, wondering whether we sounded awkward or said the right thing, the other person may have walked away thinking, I'd enjoy talking with them again.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: But research only tells us part of the story.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like every strength, rapport builder can be both underplayed and overplayed.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: If starting conversations doesn't come naturally to you, here's something I'd invite you to try this week.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: The next time you walk into a meeting, a neighborhood gathering, or some situation where you don't know everyone well, think of one question that might help you discover something you have in common.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Just one.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become the most interesting person in the room.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Simply become interested.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if creating connections comes naturally to you, here's something else to notice.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you sometimes move quickly from one conversation to the next, collecting conversations instead of really having them?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: If so, maybe you're overplaying your rapport builder strength.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And try lingering just a little longer.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Ask one follow-up question.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Listen without already thinking about who you'll talk with next.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the balance.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Connection begins with curiosity.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity opens the door, and listening invites people inside.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, let's think about that.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Connection begins with curiosity.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Curiosity opens the door, and listening invites people inside.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have a deck of our introspective cards, you might pull out the rapport builder card this week.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: It has a quote, and the quote's from Henry David Thoreau.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And he captures this rapport builder strength beautifully when he says, The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought and attended to my answer.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's why this quote has stayed with me for so many years.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: People rarely remember the most interesting person in the room, but they do remember the person who made them feel interesting.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for spending these few minutes with me.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, take a few moments to be introspective and notice what changes.