Latest / Silver FM 100.6 / A financial planner's advice for spending without guilt

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A financial planner's advice for spending without guilt · Silver FM 100.6

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  Speaker 3: What's something that you have felt financial guilt about?
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  Speaker 4: Oh, things that I have felt financial guilt about. There
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  Speaker 4: are so many. I bought a home in two thousand
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  Speaker 4: and four. Then I went and bought another home in
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  Speaker 4: two thousand and six, and basically in two thousand and
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  Speaker 4: seven it was worthless. I held on to that home
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  Speaker 4: until I think twenty seventeen and finally sold it short.
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  Speaker 4: Even all that time later, I did not make my
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  Speaker 4: money back on the home. I ended up having adverse
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  Speaker 4: credit history because I sold the home short. So that
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  Speaker 4: was a pretty embarrassing thing that happened.
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  Speaker 3: Hey, it's Mary el Sagarra. You're listening to Life Kit
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  Speaker 3: from NPR. And that was Lauren Williams. She's a certified
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  Speaker 3: financial planner and the founder of the company worth Winning,
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  Speaker 3: where she helps young people organize their finances. Before her
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  Speaker 3: finance career, Lauren was an Olympian, and not just one sport,
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  Speaker 3: but two.
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  Speaker 4: I am the first American woman to earn a medal
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  Speaker 4: in both the Summer and the Winter Olympics. I did
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  Speaker 4: three Olympic Games in track and field and then one
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  Speaker 4: Olympic Games in Bob's led.
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  Speaker 3: Lauren bought her homes while she was still a professional athlete,
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  Speaker 3: but soon after things shifted.
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  Speaker 4: I didn't have a sustainable lifestyle or career life after
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  Speaker 4: sport that was going to allow me to be able
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  Speaker 4: to pay a mortgage that was as high as it was.
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  Speaker 4: And I learned that pretty quickly after you know, things
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  Speaker 4: started to change sports wise, I had an injury and
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  Speaker 4: the market wouldn't allow me to sell the home. And
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  Speaker 4: so the guilt came from this idea that I am
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  Speaker 4: going to have to get rid of this, that this
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  Speaker 4: is a place where like my family members come and meet.
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  Speaker 4: It has been, you know, a social environment for so
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  Speaker 4: many people. It's been a safe haven. But also the
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  Speaker 4: idea that like, you know, I'm this big time athlete
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  Speaker 4: and people think that I earn and I save in
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  Speaker 4: a certain way. And I actually ended up using the
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  Speaker 4: money I had set aside for my taxes that year
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  Speaker 4: to take out a second mortgage because I did a
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  Speaker 4: poor investment. So you talk about guilt. This house was
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  Speaker 4: tied up in so much of the financial mistakes that
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  Speaker 4: I made over the course of my time as an
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  Speaker 4: athlete that the guilt just kind of piled up, and
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  Speaker 4: it actually became kind of representative of just like guilt
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  Speaker 4: in general.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's almost like it's guilt for like, how did
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  Speaker 3: I not do better? I should have known better. I
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  Speaker 3: should have known this. I shouldn't be in this situation.
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  Speaker 3: I had everything available to me. I can imagine. Those
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  Speaker 3: are some of the narratives that were going through your.
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  Speaker 4: Head exactly, and then they don't allow you to be
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  Speaker 4: able to make other decisions where you can't actually move
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  Speaker 4: forward because you feel so guilty. So I didn't want
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  Speaker 4: to tell anyone that, you know, I made this bad
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  Speaker 4: investment and I no longer you know, I no longer
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  Speaker 4: have my tax money, and now I needed to take
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  Speaker 4: out a second mortgage on my home. I did all
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  Speaker 4: of that secretly, and so the guilt kind of piled
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  Speaker 4: up because I did have a financial advisor that I
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  Speaker 4: you know, I ended up talking to about it eventually,
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  Speaker 4: but I did not initially because of the guilt that
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  Speaker 4: I was carrying. And maybe, you know, some other decisions
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  Speaker 4: could have been made earlier on if I hadn't, you know,
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  Speaker 4: felt so guilty that I wanted to hide those things.
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  Speaker 3: On this episode of Life, Kit, Lauren and I are
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  Speaker 3: going to talk about how to manage financial guilt, whether
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  Speaker 3: it's coming from overspending, not spending enough, or something else.
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  Speaker 3: We talk about guilt free spending buckets, following your own
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  Speaker 3: money values, and having conversations about money related guilt. Well,
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  Speaker 3: it sounds like a common reason for people feeling guilt
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  Speaker 3: is overspending, like I made a bad investment or I
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  Speaker 3: just have like been spending my entire paycheck. I am
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  Speaker 3: have a lot of money on credit cards? Now, how
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  Speaker 3: do you get started with tackling that guilt and moving forward?
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  Speaker 4: So one of the things I think about is this
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  Speaker 4: like idea of you know, the big bad B word budgeting.
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  Speaker 4: I like to refer to it as a spending plan,
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  Speaker 4: but really like mapping out what it is that you
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  Speaker 4: want to spend money on. In addition to you know
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  Speaker 4: what you are spending money on is a great place
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  Speaker 4: to start because the idea for me is that we
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  Speaker 4: create what I like to refer to as kind of
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  Speaker 4: like a guilt free budget. That's like looking into what
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  Speaker 4: your values are. So I value family. I want to
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  Speaker 4: spend time with family. My family lives a far away.
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  Speaker 4: I want to travel to be able to see my family.
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  Speaker 4: That's a very clear thing that you shouldn't feel guilty about.
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  Speaker 4: A lot of times people come to me and they're like, oh,
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  Speaker 4: my goodness, I spent six thousand dollars on travel last year.
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  Speaker 4: I'm a bad person. Actually, the narrative should be the
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  Speaker 4: value is to be able to see my family. In
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  Speaker 4: order to be able to do that, I need to travel,
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  Speaker 4: and so let me organize my budget so that there
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  Speaker 4: is a space for travel, so I don't need feel
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  Speaker 4: guilty when I spend six thousand dollars a year on travel. Now,
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  Speaker 4: when we look at the budget, we do look at
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  Speaker 4: the other things like what does your rent look like,
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  Speaker 4: what does your car note look like? And let's go
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  Speaker 4: through all these other pieces of the puzzle, because, like
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  Speaker 4: I said, the general reason you're coming is that you
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  Speaker 4: feel guilty because of the overspending. But maybe it's like
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  Speaker 4: I don't need a two bedroom apartment. I just got
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  Speaker 4: one because I thought, you know, it was only three
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  Speaker 4: hundred bucks more. But you're not using that other bedroom
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  Speaker 4: at all. And so now we have three hundred bucks
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  Speaker 4: a month, which is almost three thousand dollars a year,
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  Speaker 4: or more than three thousand dollars a year that we
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  Speaker 4: can redirect to the travel budget. And so it's really
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  Speaker 4: about building a budget that is in line with your
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  Speaker 4: values so that you can feel guilt free with the
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  Speaker 4: things that are important to you.
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  Speaker 3: And one thing you noted there. People will jump from
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  Speaker 3: you know, I spent six thousand dollars on travel to
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  Speaker 3: I'm a bad person, which I know. Therapists will often
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  Speaker 3: interrupt that thought and teach us how to interrupt those
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  Speaker 3: thoughts and say is that true that statement I'm a
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  Speaker 3: bad person? Like do I know that to be true?
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  Speaker 3: Is it definitely true? And who would I be without
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  Speaker 3: that thought? I find that to be a really helpful
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  Speaker 3: exercise for myself because then you're like, you know what,
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  Speaker 3: it's actually not true. I traveled because I love it,
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  Speaker 3: I traveled because I went to see my family. Like that,
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  Speaker 3: none of those things point to me being a bad person.
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  Speaker 3: When you can lift some of that off of yourself,
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  Speaker 3: then I feel like you can start to move forward.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah. I always tell my clients, like you need to
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  Speaker 4: separate your mistakes from your self worth. Like a mistake
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  Speaker 4: does not say who you are. A bad financial decision
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  Speaker 4: does not define your character. And so we need to,
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  Speaker 4: like you said, revamp what we're telling ourselves, the narrative
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  Speaker 4: that we're saying, and fix that to say, I am
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  Speaker 4: allowed to enjoy the money that I earn. I am
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  Speaker 4: allowed to spend money on travel to see my family
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  Speaker 4: because that is important to me. And then you work through,
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  Speaker 4: like I said, the other piece of the puzzle of
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  Speaker 4: like what you don't value, and you throw that stuff
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  Speaker 4: away so that you can feel really good about everything.
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  Speaker 3: Take away one if you feel guilty because you've overspent,
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  Speaker 3: remember your money. Mistakes do not determine your value as
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  Speaker 3: a person. They don't define your character, and you can
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  Speaker 3: make changes in the future. It's about making a budget
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  Speaker 3: while still leaving space for some of the things that
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  Speaker 3: bring you happiness. We'll have more on that after the break.
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  Speaker 3: Another thing that I find helpful in terms of guilt
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  Speaker 3: is remembering that there's no one really keeping score. I mean, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: there is a credit score, but it's like, okay, so
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  Speaker 3: you overspent on that that dinner, or you didn't look
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  Speaker 3: closely at the price of something and you just told
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  Speaker 3: your friend to go ahead and buy the tickets and
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  Speaker 3: then you were like, oh, that was way more than
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  Speaker 3: I meant to spend. I didn't realize it'd be that expensive.
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  Speaker 8: You know.
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  Speaker 3: It's sort of like, okay, so, you know, I.
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  Speaker 4: Think that's exactly right for me. It was those Usher
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  Speaker 4: concert tickets recently. Yeah, me and my sister going to December,
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: and she was so excited about it, and I was
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  Speaker 4: just like excited to spend time with her, Like I
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  Speaker 4: don't really care about the concert, to be quite honest,
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  Speaker 4: but I was like, oh, that's gonna be expensive, and
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  Speaker 4: so it mentally I put aside like three hundred bucks
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  Speaker 4: and it was like six hundred dollars. She's like, I bottom,
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: and I was like, oh okay, And so to your
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  Speaker 4: sex hundred exactly, I'm like, are we going to get
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: to like have dinner with bread Usher afterwards? Like how
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: does this work? But I think that's a perfect example
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  Speaker 4: of the idea of hey, go ahead and do it,
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  Speaker 4: and you don't think that it could even be that expensive,
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  Speaker 4: and then afterwards you're like, oh, man, I made a mistake.
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  Speaker 4: What do I do in order to kind of fix
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  Speaker 4: my mistake. It's look at my budget, look at the
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  Speaker 4: spending I have coming up, and just reorganize myself. But
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  Speaker 4: now I got to go find three hundred dollars dollars.
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  Speaker 4: But I don't have to end up in credit card debt.
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  Speaker 4: I don't have to let this be something I pay
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  Speaker 4: for for the next you know, six years. I just
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: have to say, hey, there's something else that I was
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: probably gonna do later on this month or in the
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: next couple months. Because if I said, those tickets are
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  Speaker 4: not till December, where I can cut those out and
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  Speaker 4: I can still come out in the green as long
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  Speaker 4: as I look at it like that, as long as
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  Speaker 4: I'm proactive in thinking about you know, Okay, I did
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  Speaker 4: something impulsive in the moment, let's just regulate going forward.
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  Speaker 4: And so those little small steps, that little bit of progress,
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  Speaker 4: I think makes a big difference. Like you said, it's
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  Speaker 4: one thing that I did that wasn't necessarily right or
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  Speaker 4: within aligned with what I plan to do, but it
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  Speaker 4: doesn't make me a bad person, and it doesn't have
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  Speaker 4: to ruin my whole financial picture. It's not that I'm
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  Speaker 4: not going to retire because I bought these tickets to
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: m hmm. Like we're always like focusing on the guilt
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  Speaker 4: piece of the puzzle, Like what good came out of
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  Speaker 4: the thing that you're feeling guilty about is like a
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  Speaker 4: good first step to take as well, and then like
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  Speaker 4: educate myself so that something like this doesn't happen in
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  Speaker 4: the future and I can feel more confident in my
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  Speaker 4: financial situation going forward.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that focus on the good that came
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  Speaker 3: out of it. One thing I like is this idea
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  Speaker 3: you've mentioned of a guilt free spending bucket. So it's like,
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  Speaker 3: if you find yourself over spending, you do want to
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  Speaker 3: go through and figure out where you can cut back.
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  Speaker 3: But that doesn't mean you have to deprive yourself of
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  Speaker 3: all fun and joy.
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  Speaker 4: I never ever recommend that people deprive themselves of all
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  Speaker 4: fun and joy, even when you're focusing on debt. So
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  Speaker 4: there's some talking heads out there that would tell you, you know,
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  Speaker 4: eat beans and rice, look at the wall, don't leave
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  Speaker 4: the house, you know, just just suffer until you've paid
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  Speaker 4: off all your debt. As an example, that is not
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  Speaker 4: the way that I like the budget. You should all
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: have a space for saving, and you should always have
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  Speaker 4: a space for yourself. You need a discretionary spending bucket,
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  Speaker 4: and sometimes that bucket will be smaller because you're working
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  Speaker 4: on paying down debt because you have other things going
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  Speaker 4: on as far as your priorities. After you've kind of
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  Speaker 4: looked at your budget and said, Okay, these are the
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: things that I want to spend money on. These are
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  Speaker 4: things that align with my values. I want to get
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: my credit card debt done by December or you know,
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  Speaker 4: whatever goal you've set and you've organized things accordingly, but
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: you will leave something that you can put aside specifically
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: for you to be able to go out and do whatever.
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  Speaker 4: And that bucket you like, you spend, like you said,
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  Speaker 4: literally guilt free. Whatever's in it, do what you want
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  Speaker 4: with it.
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  Speaker 3: What do some of your clients put in their guilt
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: for you spending bucket?
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  Speaker 4: Oh, it's shoes, lots of shoes. Travel is usually a
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  Speaker 4: big piece of the puzzle for a lot of people.
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  Speaker 4: And sometimes I say, let's just separate that out all together.
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  Speaker 4: That doesn't have to be your guilt free bucket. Your
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: guilt free bucket is where you can allow yourself to
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  Speaker 4: be impulsive. You know, you're out and about and you
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: see something really cool that you're into. You know, I
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: had a client that really loved mugs, and she's like,
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: I just can't stop buying mugs. I don't even drink
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: coffee or tea, but you know I started collecting them
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: when I was younger, and I just can't pass up
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: a really cool mug. And so, you know, in her
• 13:17
  Speaker 4: guilt free budget, if you just find a random bug,
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: random mug that you want to buy and it costs
• 13:21
  Speaker 4: twelve bucks, even though you're never going to drink out
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: of it, like, have at it as long as that
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: line item is there.
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: Take away too, If you find yourself spending more than
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: you have, it is a good idea to cut back,
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: but that doesn't mean complete austerity. Set up a guilt
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: free spending bucket. Decide what you want to spend money
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: on based on your values, and then let yourself do
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: it guilt free. You'll hear more from Lauren after the break.
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  Speaker 3: So you've got your guilt free spending budget, but you're
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: also trying to figure out what you can cut back
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: on if you do have financial guilt from overspending. How
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: might someone walk through their categories of spending and figure
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: out what they can trim out.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: Pull up your credit card bill from the last month
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: and look at what you spent money on. And so
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: now you're looking over everything and you're saying, Okay, I
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: spent seventy eight dollars on this meal. I didn't like
• 14:43
  Speaker 4: the person that I was eating with, I didn't like
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: the food that I ate, and so you're just like,
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: this didn't align with my values. And so in order
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: to get rid of the guilt, you look at it
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: and you say like, Okay, I don't feel good about
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: what I did. That's where the guilt came in. But
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: what am I going to do going forward? Going to
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: hang out with so and so the next time they
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: invite me out, I'm just gonna say no, thank you.
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: So you're constantly looking at your budget, you're spending your
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: credit card statement to be able to say, like, what
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: did I do that doesn't align with the person that
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: I want to be.
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  Speaker 3: What you're saying is making me think that a lot
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: of what we identify as guilt, that feeling after spending
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: money is actually misalignment. Yes, it's like I spend the
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: money and I didn't enjoy.
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: It, and that's why I feel guilty.
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: Yes, So it's like doing an audit of your spending
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: looking for places of misalignment.
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, and then just realign. You know, it could be
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: from one week to the next, it could be one
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: from one month to the next. It could be one
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: from one day to the next. You're just like, wait
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: a minute, catch yourself in the moment and just say like,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: this is not something that I want to do. This
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: is not align with who I want to be, and
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: so therefore I'm going to you know, pivot to XYZ
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: and do this instead.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: Take away three, do an audit of your finances to
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: see where there's misalignment. What are you spending money on
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: that you don't actually value. That's where to cut back.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: I thought of another type of financial guilt that some
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: folks might feel. If you're in a couple and one
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: of you makes a lot more money than the other one,
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: there could be guilt both ways in that dynamic, right,
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Guilt that your partner pays for more stuff and you
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: feel like you're not holding up your end of it,
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: or guilt that you're the partner with more money but
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: you still want to split things halfway, or you don't
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: want to pay for certain stuff, or you're kind of
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: annoyed that you have more money, and then you feel
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: guilty about being annoyed about that. I feel like money
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: is one of the main things that couples fight about,
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: and guilt probably plays a big role there.
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, No, I think you're exactly right. I've actually had
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: this conversation with my significant other fairly recently. As the
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: breadwinner for our household, like I do it with pleasure,
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: but the conversation sometimes is like how making sure that
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: the other person feels good about how they're contributing. Otherwise
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: there are things that I can't do when I'm working
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: that my partner does, you know, taking our eight year
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: old to soccer. I don't want to go to soccer
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: practice ever, you know, if I can avoid it, and
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: that is so valuable to me. But you're right, he
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: feels a lot of guilt, as you know, there's the
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: stigma of like male versus female, and you know, the breadwinner,
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: and then there's cultural you know, my spouse's Colombian, and
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: there's just you know, so much of I want to
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: be able to contribute and just reminding the other person like, hey,
• 17:41
  Speaker 4: you are contributing, You're just contributing differently. The monetary contribution
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: does not make me more powerful than you. We are
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: a team that are working together and everybody's contribution to
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: this family is very valuable. So having that conversation once
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: again is so important to be able to help your
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: significant other work through that guilt if that is something
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: they're experience.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: Take Away four. If you or your partner are feeling
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: guilty because one of you makes more money than the other,
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: it can help to talk about it. And if you're
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: the breadwinner and your partner's feeling guilty, you might remind
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: them of the contributions they make outside of money, if
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: they take care of the house or the kids, or
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: your elderly parents, or they're the ones who do all
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: the planning or the household finances. Of course, this approach
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: will only work if you do feel like they're contributing,
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: but if not, that's worth a conversation too. Another kind
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: of financial guilt is the guilt you have from not
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: spending more, right from not giving more, for instance, to
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: family members or to friends who have less than you.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: How would you counsel clients who are feeling some of
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: that guilt or responsibility.
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: It's a conversation where we have to just kind of
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: unroll the idea of you know, who are these people
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: that you feel obligated to. Why do you feel like
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: you cannot enjoy what you have just because they don't.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: Why do you feel obligated to help them if that
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: is something that you're feeling, And why do you feel
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: obligated to, you know, to kind of oversave Because that's
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: that's something that I see quite a bit as well,
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: is they're just not spending any money whatsoever because they
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: feel guilty about enjoying, and so now they just have
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: this stockpile of money, not because there's like a financial
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: goal or a big savings goal that they have. It's
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: just like I don't feel good about spending it. And
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: so the way to work through that piece of the
• 19:25
  Speaker 4: puzzle is to think about this, like, Okay, I don't
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: feel good about spending this money, but so and so,
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: you know, fill in the blank with the person that
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: you you know, think is less off. What would they
• 19:38
  Speaker 4: want for you? How do they feel about you when
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: they look at you? They are you thinking that they
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: want to see you fail, that they want to see
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: you suffer. And so asking questions like that sometimes you
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: get the answer pretty quickly. No, of course not. You know,
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: my sisters don't want me to, you know, live in
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: a cardboard box. They want me to have a great life.
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: They want me to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: And you know, I hear it all the time, even
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: now I should work less. We have to like ask
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: ourselves a hard question of like where am I getting
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: this narrative from? And then challenge ourselves so that you
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: can decide, you know, is there really a good reason
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: that I'm doing this?
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah? And how much do I want to set aside
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: for them. Like let's say you have like a niece
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: or a nephew, and I have some friends who are
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: setting aside investment money for their niece or nephew's college,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: for instance. There's probably a more structured way to do it,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: you know, like where you're saying, Okay, I am going
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: to give, but it's got to be part of my
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: budget and I have to be clear with myself about
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: what the limits are.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: It almost always leads back to having a conversation with someone,
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: whether that is a financial planner, it is accountability partner,
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: the person that, like I said, you feel obligated to.
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: But having the conversation and just getting it out there
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: helps you unravel the idea that you're thinking. And once
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: you've said it out loud and someone tells you like, hey,
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: that sounds preposterous, like don't save all your money and
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: never spend any of it because you know, like you're
• 21:14
  Speaker 4: already on track for retirement, like let's go on vacation.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: Like someone's just like even telling you, giving you permission
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: to do so. It's so freeing sometimes and you're like, wow, uh,
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: but where's guilt come from? Frequently secrecy and you're not
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: talking to anyone about what you feel guilty about, and
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: so you're just playing this narrative over and over again
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: in your head when it's actually not true at all.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: Take Away five. If you feel guilt for spending money
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: on yourself when you could be giving it to others,
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: Lauren says, remember that being financially secure is not something
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: to apologize for, and the most productive question to ask
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: yourself in these cases is not do I deserve this?
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: But what am I gonna do with what I have?
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: Make sure your financial foundation is cure before you start
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: giving your money away. She says. If giving leaves you
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: unable to pay your bills, build your emergency fund, or
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: save for retirement, it may not be sustainable. And when
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: you're deciding to give money to family and friends or
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: to charitable groups, ask yourself what causes and people matter
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: most to you, and how you can give in a
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: way that aligns with your values. Also, Lauren recommends that
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: you decide what you're comfortable giving before somebody asks, so
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: your decisions are guided by your values rather than by
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: emotion or pressure in the moment. In one word, what
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: would you say is the antidote to financial guilt?
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: Education? Education? Gives you confidence, and confidence is the thing
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: that allows you to get rid of the guilt.
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: I love that, I would say as a backupward conversation. Absolutely, Lauren,
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: thank you so much for this con Gusto.
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: This has been a great conversation.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: I feel less guilty already.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: Yes, I like it. Mission accomplished.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: I hope you enjoy the Usher concert. I do too.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I'm sure he'll put on a great performance.
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: I think he is a great performer.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: All right, it's time for a recap. Take Away one.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Remember your money mistakes do not determine your value as
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: a person. Take Away two. If you find yourself spending
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: more than you have, you do want to go through
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: and cut back, But that doesn't mean you have to
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: deprive yourself of all joy. Set up a guilt free
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: spending bucket and decide what you want to spend money
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: on based on your values. Take Away three. Do an
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: audit of your finances to see where there's misalignment. What
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: are you spending money on that you don't value? That's
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: where you cut back. Take Away four. If you or
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: your partner are feeling guilty because one of you makes
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: more money than the other, it can help to talk
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: about it, and if you're the bread winner and your
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: partner is feeling guilty, you might remind them of the
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: contributions they make outside of money and take away five.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: If you feel guilty for not giving away more of
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: your money, first make sure you're able to take care
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: of yourself and any dependence financially. Then ask yourself what
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: and who matter most to you, and think about how
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: much you're able to give before somebody asks. You want
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: to make these decisions from a clear headed place, not
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: just because you feel guilty. That's our show. If Life
• 24:23
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• 24:25
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• 24:33
  Speaker 8: See you there.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: Download the NPR app today. This episode of Life Kit
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: was produced by Claire Marie Schneider. Our digital editor is
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: Malica Gharib, and our visuals editor is c. J. Riklon.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor, and Lauren Gonzalez
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tagle,
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Peter Alina.
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: I'm Marie el Sagara. Thanks for listening.
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