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Mother Wit: Black maternal mental health week special · Mother Wit

0:01
Hey guys, welcome to Liverpool's Black Maternal
0:03
Health Podcast. I am Azina. I am a mum of two
0:06
girls, Talia and Alaya, who are five and seven.
0:10
Hi guys, I'm Arstella. I'm a mum of one, Elias,
0:14
a little boy. How has your week been? It's been
0:17
alright. It's been nice and chill, calm. Not
0:20
much going on. Sun's been out, so yeah, we've
0:23
just been relaxing. How's yours? It's been alright.
0:27
A bit busy. Bands and act between. The no of
0:31
a toddler. No, no, no. And just life in general.
0:35
I don't think that no changes. Just saying. I
0:39
thought you were my friend to be like, does it
0:42
get better and easier? They come into themselves.
0:45
A little bit. Mine is still like, no. And if
0:50
I tell them no, it's like, why? That's why. Thank
0:53
you for the reassurance. No, honestly, thank
0:56
you for the reality check. Sometimes as mums,
0:59
you feel like you're there alone. You're in your
1:01
own little bubble, you know, you and your children
1:03
or child. And it's nice to actually hear other
1:06
mums' experiences because you're definitely more
1:08
in there than I am. I'm two years in, you're
1:10
seven years in. Yeah, still in the trenches though.
1:13
Them trenches just change direction, I think.
1:16
I don't think you ever leave the trenches. Hard
1:18
work. But it's great. But that brings us on to
1:22
today's discussion of the idea of motherhood
1:26
being an ongoing battle. So let's start off with
1:29
something important. What emotion are you feeling
1:32
right now? Chills. Kids are with their dad this
1:35
weekend. House is on top. Need to sort out the
1:39
laundry pile. The same laundry pile that has
1:44
been building. Oh, clean. Just need to fold it
1:47
up and put it away. But yeah, relaxing little
1:51
weekend. So what's your emotion of the day? I
1:55
am feeling excited. I'm just excited for the
1:59
weekend. Got a few things planned. Weather dependent,
2:01
fingers crossed. But overall, just really in
2:05
a good place. Okay. But what exactly are you
2:10
feeling chilled about? Is it just today or in
2:13
general? No, just in general. Kids have been
2:17
all right. when the kids are cooperating and
2:20
the house is on top and work life everything's
2:25
going smooth that's when everything's chill do
2:29
you know what i mean you can just kind of put
2:31
everything else to one side and be like okay
2:33
top couple things are done sorted so i'm good
2:37
that's not to say it's like that every day though
2:40
or every week so many different things but overall
2:45
yeah If only it was like that every week, like
2:49
motherhood would be a breeze. Yeah, 100%. So
2:55
what would you say? Your top, what should we
3:00
say? Should we name five emotions? Yeah, think
3:03
fast. And go from there? Yeah. Go on then. You
3:05
can start. Okay, my five emotions are excited,
3:11
definitely. I'm excited. I'm a bit nervous sometimes.
3:17
A bit afraid. Mm -hmm. Vexed. It's vexed. How
3:24
many am I on? Was that a three? I thought that
3:27
was four because I was excited. Oh, yeah, excited,
3:29
scared, nervous, vexed. Powerful. Ooh. Okay,
3:34
I feel like we should delve into all of them.
3:37
Bring it, bring it. So, excited, let's go with
3:39
that one. I'm excited for the new growth. I feel
3:43
like me and Elias are definitely in a different
3:45
stage. He's becoming slightly more independent.
3:48
He wants to do more. He's definitely trying to
3:51
push boundaries. It's me slowly letting go and
3:54
having that space. It's definitely been an exciting
3:57
time to let go of him, not have the reins as
4:00
much. You can do this. That's cute. What was
4:06
my second emotion? Scared. I'm scared to let
4:08
him go. He's still my baby. I'm like, oh, I know.
4:12
Like, I still want to cuddle you and protect
4:15
you and bubble wrap and help you with that bubble.
4:18
And I don't want to let go. And I sometimes don't
4:22
actually know how to let go. So when you say
4:25
let go, what do you mean? Say, like, letting
4:27
go going to school, letting go going to someone
4:31
else's house. It's all for letting go. It's like,
4:34
we've never been apart. Like, I've only just
4:37
started thinking about staying with other family
4:40
members. That makes me a bit nervous. Not because
4:44
I'm thinking something, I'm just like, oh, but
4:46
I'm not there to comfort you. Yeah. Because it's
4:48
always been me. Yeah. So you've never had a night
4:51
away from him? No, he's always been there. Oh,
4:54
wow, okay. So that's definitely a bit of a change.
4:58
But I think this is the time now. I feel like
5:00
he's definitely, and I'm more prepared for it.
5:03
I'm still, in the back of my mind, still a bit.
5:06
yeah and then when you get past that it's great
5:08
to be like bye kids see you in a few days and
5:11
just reset it is hard yeah the first couple of
5:15
times are hard i mean i remember my first time
5:19
away from talia she went to an aunt's and i think
5:23
that was more around when i was pregnant having
5:25
a layer to get into that thing she loves going
5:28
to an aunt's eyes like no worries kind of in
5:30
that sense but it is still that thing of like
5:31
leaving your child for a little bit And then
5:35
when I broke up with their dad, that was harder
5:37
because that's more of a sense of like full days
5:40
or two, three days. And that's completely different,
5:46
especially with like the trust that I had in
5:50
that dynamic, I should say. But then you do,
5:54
you get used to it. And then their first time
5:56
when they went to the caravan for five days,
5:59
girl, I sobbed every day. that is so sweet because
6:03
it's like all the kids like are gone obviously
6:06
they're coming back and whatnot but for that
6:08
long period of time to be no it wasn't they went
6:11
to the caravan for five days and then it was
6:13
also their dad's weekend so it was a whole week
6:15
full seven a full week i cried my eyes out oh
6:20
yeah but that as i said you get over it and now
6:24
i'm like bye But it was a build, definitely,
6:26
from your story you just shared. And thank you
6:28
so much for sharing. It's given me that bit more
6:30
reassurance to know my feelings are valid. And
6:34
it does get easier with time, you know. It is
6:36
baby steps of building up to maybe a week. Because
6:42
my mum would love that. Glammy would love that,
6:45
to take him away on holiday. And Grandad, definitely,
6:48
they'd live it up. yeah it does it gets to that
6:50
stage where you start to see it as less of leaving
6:54
your child more of that time that you need for
6:56
yourself do you know what i mean you can you
6:58
know the kids are away for these days you can
7:01
go out with the girls or you can go here or you
7:03
can do something or you can book something for
7:04
yourself it will change the dynamic eventually
7:07
but that is so important in itself of having
7:11
me time not just constantly being mummy i am
7:14
still my own person i still want to hang out
7:17
with my friends or do things or just have a long
7:19
time literally we are just girls no definitely
7:25
because at the end of the day yeah you're a mum
7:28
first but we still are ourselves so we do need
7:31
that time true and if you've got those days or
7:34
whatever it is Even if you don't want to do anything,
7:36
that's also still important, by the way. You
7:38
don't have to do something when your kids are
7:40
gone. True. You can have that time to just be
7:43
you. They're my favourite days where you just
7:45
do nothing and you're not put under any pressure.
7:48
You're just like, I can lie here, I can sit here
7:50
and just be with myself and my thoughts. It's
7:53
really refreshing. I think every mum, parent
7:56
needs a couple of minutes, hours, days or whatever
7:59
you can tolerate for yourself. Yeah, definitely.
8:03
Right. We've spoken about my emotions. Okay,
8:06
we didn't go fully through it. Do you want to
8:08
go to the next one? Or are you throwing it back
8:10
to me? No, no, let's go to the next one. Nervous,
8:13
was it? I think my nervous and scared are quite
8:15
similar. I'm scared about that, but I'm nervous
8:18
about moving forward. Maybe it's the unknown.
8:22
I don't know what's going to happen, where I'm
8:25
going. I feel like I'm in a bit of a limbo, to
8:29
be honest. You don't get to 30, you think you
8:32
get it together. And it's like, no, 31 coming
8:35
up and still haven't got it together. Yeah. I
8:38
used to think, yeah, I'll be 30 with all these
8:40
kids that I want. Happily married. Oh, yeah.
8:44
House. Yes. Car, job, all of that. And then life
8:50
comes at you fast. Especially when you have,
8:52
like, your child young. I had my first at 22.
8:55
Yeah. Girl, that's a teen pregnancy. That's a
8:57
teen pregnancy. Yeah, and I'm 31 this year. She's
9:02
about to be eight. And just things do definitely
9:05
just change and you have to kind of reroute,
9:07
remap. I don't think there's any age that makes
9:10
you see motherhood differently. Are you sure
9:12
about that? Like, take out the being a teenager
9:14
and all of that stuff, but I think you get what
9:16
I mean. Like, from your mid -20s, mid -30s, all
9:21
of that stuff. Yeah. It's still the same journey,
9:24
isn't it? We all still go through the same kind
9:27
of initial... battles and fears and am i doing
9:31
it right have i done that wrong yeah this definitely
9:34
is a very interesting journey that you go on
9:38
like it never stops you never really get to the
9:41
destination you might get off at stopping points
9:43
but it's definitely an ongoing growth journey
9:46
with you children but we love it we do no I hate
9:51
it sometimes, I'm not going to lie. I do hate
9:53
being a mum sometimes. Is it being a mum you
9:56
hate or is it specific moments? It's the whole
9:59
build -up when it comes to everything. When you're
10:01
dealing with finances by yourself, you're dealing
10:04
with kids by yourself, physically, mentally,
10:08
cleaning, cooking, going to work. all of like
10:13
your day -to -day tasks when you're doing it
10:15
by yourself and it's it builds up doesn't it
10:17
and it gets to that point and especially if the
10:18
kids are being hard work on top of that with
10:20
behaviors or attitudes oh girl gets to that point
10:24
bedtimes can be a struggle sometimes and it's
10:27
like no actually I hate this right now. The parts
10:30
that I pulled up on is the other parts that you
10:33
have to do. It's managing the household. That's
10:36
the part. If all of that was taken care of, it
10:39
would be a breeze. I'd be able to spend that
10:42
time because I wouldn't be thinking about, oh,
10:43
I've got to do the food shop. What are we going
10:45
to eat? The money, how are we going to pay for
10:47
this? Where are we going to go? It's like all
10:49
of that's taken care of. I can just focus on
10:51
me, myself as a human and my kid. That's an interesting
10:55
one. But no, the ongoing battle of, Being a mum,
10:59
even if you're not a single mum, there is so
11:03
many different overwhelming things, high emotions,
11:06
low emotions. And I do think it's so important
11:10
to say, like, motherhood is not a breezy journey.
11:14
No. From pregnancy, even pre -pregnancy, some
11:20
of us prepare, some of us don't. but that whole
11:24
journey itself pregnancy childbirth and then
11:27
rearing and looking after your child and all
11:29
of that you were talking about like some people
11:32
prepare some people don't prepare i don't think
11:34
you can ever be prepared as much as you think
11:36
you are you can do all the meal prep and have
11:39
all the people and still things might change
11:41
the curveballs might come and you might not even
11:44
have the birth that you wanted and that's all
11:46
whole different different conversations entirely
11:50
you know you might not have support when you
11:52
give birth or you might have other children and
11:55
that's a whole different hurdle to be looking
11:57
after a small child as well as growing another
12:00
one but there is the highs of being a mother
12:03
oh share me the highs give me the highs i think
12:06
definitely being proud of your child when your
12:08
child has passed certain things or just the way
12:11
they behave and their little mannerisms and how
12:13
they are as their own little individual I'm so
12:16
proud and I say this all the time like I've always
12:20
taught my kids affirmations and the power of
12:22
understanding themselves and their emotions and
12:25
things like that and I've always said to them
12:26
there's nothing you cannot do and the baby says
12:28
it now she said to her sister she's like come
12:30
on Talia there's nothing you cannot do you've
12:32
got this come on mum even in like um the soft
12:36
play and they want me to go down the slide and
12:39
I'm like oh I can't do it no mum you can't you
12:42
know why there's nothing you cannot do so it
12:46
hits it like bites back at me but still seeing
12:49
that and like how they are like I said and the
12:52
things that they pass in what they do that's
12:55
100 % a proud moment of being a mum and I think
12:57
that completely surpasses all of the struggles
13:00
because we can sit here all day every day and
13:03
talk about the struggles of being a mum oh yeah
13:05
But it's the little things, isn't it? And it
13:07
is the little things of happiness like that,
13:10
that completely, for me anyway, outweighs the
13:13
hard days. Is proud one of your emotions? Yes.
13:16
I am proud to be a mum. That's nice, right? So
13:21
can you give us number two then? Good, bad, however
13:24
you're feeling. You can take it in whatever direction
13:26
you see fit. I'm going to go with loved. In the
13:30
sense of I absolutely love my children. Yeah.
13:33
They are hard work. They are poo bags. I think
13:37
that's the nicest way to use, the most appropriate
13:41
way to use. But it is just me and them. Yeah.
13:44
And the level of love that I also receive back
13:50
from them. And love is not something that is,
13:54
what's the word? You're not entitled, I should
13:58
say. Yeah. To love from your children. You should
14:01
love your children. You should do what's best
14:03
for your children. But that doesn't necessarily
14:05
mean. They might show you love back. If you get
14:08
what I'm trying to say. But I know my kids love
14:10
me. My little broke besties. Oh please. We don't
14:16
say that. You've just spoken lovely about. Affirmations.
14:21
Power of the tongue. That's what I phrase them
14:25
all the time. Because it's like. They think.
14:28
They just think you're rich, don't they? You
14:30
are rich. Affirmations. Me and my rug besties.
14:34
Oh, come on, come on. No, girl, that one, no,
14:36
no, no, that one stays. Oh, okay, okay. But yeah,
14:39
the power, the feeling of being loved by your
14:42
children. Yeah. Not when you go, oh, I love you,
14:45
come here, come give me a cuddle. You know the
14:47
ones when they just come over and cuddle you
14:48
and it's like, mummy, I love you. And just randomly,
14:51
like, you are my best friend. You are the best
14:54
mum in the world. Again, that completely out.
14:57
Even, like, if I've had the most horrible day
14:59
and I feel like I have been the worst parent
15:02
today, all I've done is shout or I've not done
15:04
this or took them there. That, again, that feeling
15:07
in itself, if you could, like, at least wrap
15:09
it up and put it in a bowl. Oh, yeah. you could
15:12
though you could cherish those are the really
15:14
lovely moments of motherhood where you're getting
15:17
those lovely hugs and it's like it's as though
15:20
they know that we need this hug right now yeah
15:23
it's so heartwarming oh i love that come on number
15:27
three number three oh i see i'd say scared again
15:32
like yourself but more in the concept of The
15:36
fear of the unknown. And even though you put
15:38
so much into loving and teaching your child to
15:42
be the best person that they can be. Because
15:43
I say to my kids, what's my job? And it's not,
15:45
oh, mum does this for work. My job is to love
15:48
you, to protect you, to guide you, and to teach
15:51
you to be the best Talia or Alayah that you can
15:53
be. If you say to them, what's mum's job? They'll
15:55
tell you that. And that's based on my opinions
15:59
and feelings as a parent. So I'm going to teach
16:01
you X, Y, Z. I am genuinely scared that them
16:05
kids grow up to be a whole completely different,
16:09
difficult person, I should say. That scares me
16:13
because that's something you can't control. And
16:15
I know there are parents out there that have
16:17
done the best. But respectfully, your child or
16:21
grown adult is such and such. So yeah, that completely
16:25
scares me. But then also, am I doing the best?
16:29
Because my best at being a parent is only what
16:31
I know. based on my childhood and my expectations
16:35
for my kids yeah so is my best really the best
16:38
yeah but as you just like nicely pointed out
16:42
it's from your own previous experiences and it's
16:45
from what you want to do differently you're trying
16:48
to do with your girls And we can all sit there
16:51
and be like, oh, it's my best, my best. But it's
16:53
the best that you're doing currently. You can
16:55
only do as much as you can with the information
16:58
that you have. We're constantly learning. And
17:01
you're learning through them. Like, okay, this
17:03
doesn't work. Let's try it a different way. Somebody
17:05
always says to me, you're already doing better.
17:08
Like you were already doing your best. Why? Because
17:10
your kids don't have the childhood that you had.
17:13
So the things that you've disliked in your childhood,
17:16
and not to get into my childhood or anything
17:17
like that, because everyone has things in their
17:19
childhood that they disliked. Of course. You
17:21
have learned from that. Yeah. And you're now
17:24
showing your kids something different or teaching
17:26
them something different. So you're already winning.
17:29
So I'm like, okay. True. That is such a nice
17:31
way to put it. And definitely agree. Going further
17:35
back on what you were talking about. When you're
17:38
talking about how they grow up to be quite different
17:40
from what you've trained them up to be, that
17:43
is a big thing to be scared about. But if you're
17:45
scared about that, then you wouldn't have children
17:47
in the first place. True. There's only so much
17:51
we can do as parents, as mothers, because they
17:55
are soon to be influenced by school, their peers.
17:59
other socialization agents come out and i think
18:03
that must be the hardest part where they start
18:05
to have a bigger influence in comparison to your
18:08
home life or mom or just what we're trying to
18:11
do but unfortunately with motherhood specifically
18:15
single motherhood that is going to be quite heavy
18:18
in the back of your mind it all comes down to
18:21
control what you can control at the end of the
18:23
day isn't it and i think as long as you're an
18:25
intentional parent you will have That thing in
18:28
the back of your mind of, am I doing this right?
18:30
Am I doing this wrong? And also looking at how
18:33
you parent and going from that and changing things
18:36
that you think aren't working and stuff like
18:38
that. I'm trying to think, what other emotions
18:40
are more than one? Okay, we've got two more.
18:43
Protective. You just become more protective over
18:46
your children, don't you? You shield them from
18:49
as much as you do when they're little and then
18:51
when they go into the big wide world. You can't
18:54
really stop them, can you? From doing certain
18:56
things. Going back to, are they going to become
18:58
the person that I kind of expect and taught them
19:01
to be? Yeah. So there's that level of protection,
19:04
but then also the physical protection. And then
19:06
you want to protect yourself as well. Because
19:08
what happens if anything happens to you? Life
19:11
insurance. Have you got life insurance yet? Yes,
19:15
we have. Yes. I have got life insurance. Same.
19:18
Don't understand it. Answered a couple of questions.
19:21
Gave them this, that and the other. And I pay
19:24
for it monthly. That's all I know. Please have
19:26
it reviewed yearly. It's very important to just
19:29
check up on things. That's a whole different
19:32
thing of being a single or solo mum. Of who will
19:37
look after my kids when I'm not here? Will they
19:40
be able to look after them to the standard that
19:43
I want my children to have? I don't think anybody...
19:46
No, I don't think that we'd agree anybody would
19:49
really look after them to the standard. Because
19:52
they're not us. True. So true. You might be like,
19:55
oh yeah, they're doing a great job. Nan, granddad,
19:58
dad, whoever. But at the end of the day, no one
20:01
is us. True. But then it's also important to
20:04
give people that grace and realise they're not
20:07
me. They will never be me. They will never do
20:09
what I can do to the standard that I do it. Yeah.
20:12
But can they do it to the best of their own ability?
20:15
And is that good enough for me? That's something
20:18
that I've personally learnt. Yeah. You have to...
20:22
give people that little bit of a break to a certain
20:25
degree. Motherhood's not been an easy journey
20:28
up to now, so it is that whole character development
20:31
and seeing things differently to how you previously
20:35
seen them. True. Learning. True, because you
20:38
can be pre -children and be like, oh, I wouldn't
20:40
do this, I would do that, and you're like, now
20:43
you've got to be like... Who was saying all them
20:46
words? No, no. Things have changed. I'll be doing
20:49
it now. I don't think anyone goes into motherhood
20:51
kind of having this huge plan that goes... the
20:55
way you thought it was going to go? Honestly,
20:57
I think you'd be surprised depending on who you
20:59
talk to or if you end up going to like mummy
21:02
groups and you hear people and they're like,
21:04
oh, I'd love my child. They're already starting
21:06
to talk about primary school. They've just about
21:08
got into nursery. Like, come on, give them a
21:10
bit of grace, let them grow. And they're like,
21:12
oh no, they must be doing horse riding on a Saturday,
21:15
football on a Sunday. It's like, oh, because
21:17
they must go into this type of profession. It's
21:19
like, oh Lord. There's so many dynamics of what
21:22
you might plan and prep for. Even look at like
21:25
childbirth. I know so many mums that wanted a
21:28
natural vaginal delivery and it didn't happen.
21:32
They ended up with a C -section again. I feel
21:35
like that's just the start of showing you, even
21:38
though you can plan and prep to every single
21:41
little degree. doesn't necessarily go that way.
21:44
True. Life has this way of throwing a few curveballs
21:48
and it's just about being and seeing how prepared
21:51
you are and how you are able to adapt to change
21:55
when needed. Yes. Come on, you've got one more
21:58
emotion. Is it going to be good? Is it going
22:01
to be bad? How are we feeling with the last one?
22:03
Ooh, let me see. Inspired. Oh, beautiful. Do
22:07
you know, I think Motherhood is... You know,
22:10
when you see somebody else's motherhood journey,
22:12
I should say, it can be very inspiring in seeing
22:16
how they handle things, how they've overcome
22:19
certain struggles, boundaries, and just the way
22:24
their little family is with or not with the other
22:30
parent. i've like i've seen a lot of that i've
22:32
seen a lot of and experienced a lot of families
22:35
that as they would say have hit their rock bottom
22:37
yeah and to come up however many years later
22:40
in a whole completely different dynamic honestly
22:43
it's inspiring because i can say i've been at
22:45
rock bottom within my motherhood journey and
22:48
even now am i inspired by myself do i inspire
22:51
other people yes you do yeah oh yes you do so
22:56
yeah they're my they're my top pointers for the
22:59
battle of motherhood Do you know what I love?
23:01
Love the fact that you ended on such a good high
23:05
to be inspired by other parents or mums and how
23:10
they have overcome certain... things that have
23:13
happened in their lives and it's like oh you
23:15
know there is a pot of gold at the end of the
23:17
rainbow yeah yeah sometimes yeah we do sometimes
23:20
focus on the negative but it is good to have
23:23
positive moments or to be like oh yeah it is
23:26
it is going well or just because we're going
23:28
through certain battles or things now doesn't
23:31
mean that it's always going to be that way i
23:34
think between the two of us we felt similar emotions
23:37
maybe in different ways I love this. It was a
23:41
lovely little chat, wasn't it? I feel like we
23:45
didn't actually delve that much into our journey
23:48
of motherhood up to now. Tell me the story that
23:52
you would give of explaining your journey to
23:56
where you are right now. My pregnancy was easy
24:00
breezy. I had a big baby. I booked in for an
24:03
induction. Induction didn't work. The drip pictosin
24:07
didn't work. Ended up with a C -section. It was
24:11
okay. It might not have been the way that I planned
24:14
to have my first baby, which was okay. But I
24:17
think that was the best thing for me to happen.
24:20
And honestly, one of my favourite moments is
24:24
a photograph that was taken by his dad. And when
24:26
he first came out, you can see him smiling. And
24:29
I was like, is that what you were like in the
24:31
womb? Is that the reason you didn't want to come
24:33
out? You were just happy, you were comfortable.
24:36
I'm a single parent. I'm not with. my son's father
24:41
but we parent quite well we do co -parent he
24:44
has time with him so i don't feel like i'm doing
24:47
everything and it's quite refreshing and for
24:49
us it was very important to be like no we are
24:52
not together however we are parents and it's
24:54
very important to show elias that just because
24:57
you're not together doesn't mean that you can't
24:59
be friends you can't do things together you can't
25:02
have mummy daddy moments and they're actually
25:04
his favorite times yeah we're still trying to
25:08
balance that act oh that's beautiful there we're
25:11
going back to saying about other people's journey
25:13
of motherhood being inspiring yeah i feel like
25:16
your story is really inspiring for the ones out
25:19
here that are struggling because i do feel like
25:21
you hear most co -parenting journeys are hard
25:24
oh yeah our struggles yeah are the trenches yeah
25:28
i mean i can definitely say i have been in the
25:31
trenches Well, on that lovely note, why don't
25:33
you go and show your... My mother -in -law. So,
25:36
first child, Talia. So, she's seven. Didn't plan
25:40
Talia. Pregnancy was fine up until... It was
25:43
about 36 weeks. They said I had pre -eclampsia.
25:46
So, I initially went in with, like, reduced movements.
25:49
They scanned me. They was like, oh, no. Obviously,
25:52
if you've ever been in like that, they... Like
25:55
you end up getting the test and stuff and baby
25:56
starts moving and it's a bit like, oh, you're
25:58
a liar. You go back in again, oh, baby's moving,
26:01
baby's fine. So I went in the second time and
26:05
they obviously test your urine and everything
26:07
like that and then it come back protein preeclampsia.
26:10
So I was like, oh, okay. So they were like, we
26:13
want to keep you in for monitoring. Stayed in
26:15
for 24 hours and the doctor come back and he
26:17
was like, right, okay, so I'm going to induce
26:19
you. You've got the choice to go home tonight.
26:23
and come back in the morning or we induce you
26:24
now and i was like no i need to go back in the
26:27
morning i haven't got a pram i'm not ready so
26:30
yeah went away got the prime picture from the
26:32
shop went back and got induced so i got the pessary
26:36
at nine o 'clock in the morning yeah um and then
26:40
nine o 'clock at night she was here she was born
26:42
so that was all fine happy healthy no issues
26:47
um And then my trauma, I should say, comes from
26:52
that, is when she was a week old, we ended up
26:55
in Alder High. Yeah, with supposed sepsis and
26:58
meningitis. So she actually nearly died. We spent
27:02
three weeks in there. She was in ICU for a little
27:07
bit, had all her antibiotics, and then fine.
27:12
remember the midwife going i'll see you in 18
27:14
months you know after you have your what is it
27:16
your six -week checkup and all of that yeah six
27:18
weeks no you won't lo and behold a second child
27:24
came along pregnancy was fine birth Fine. She
27:29
was about eight months old when I split up with
27:31
their dad. My journey of co -parenting has not
27:34
been easy. It has been hard. It has been difficult.
27:36
If we're not talking about these things, it can
27:39
be quite lonely. And yeah, don't worry about
27:42
the co -parenting. It's a journey in itself that
27:45
nobody prepares you for. When was the last time
27:48
you shared your motherhood journey? I don't know,
27:52
but I feel like I'm really open with my motherhood
27:55
journey. But I do think it's important that people
27:59
are aware of the reality of motherhood, the reality
28:03
of single, solo, motherhood, parenting, whatever
28:07
the streets call it these days. But at the same
28:10
time, there isn't a lot of spaces where women
28:12
have spoke about their birth, their pregnancy,
28:15
their journey of motherhood. um i was speaking
28:18
to somebody today to be fair saying oh this is
28:20
where i'm coming and this is what i'm doing and
28:22
she was like all right obviously she's a black
28:24
woman yeah what what is this all about and that's
28:26
what i explained she said oh that's amazing like
28:28
it would be lovely to come and have a space where
28:31
i can talk about my highs and lows of motherhood
28:34
black parent needs a space just to really have
28:38
a safe space to be able to speak freely i think
28:41
that's my favorite thing about our group once
28:43
a month when we gather and it's like if i've
28:45
had a bad week a bad day a good week a good day
28:48
i have somewhere to share in a safe space and
28:53
i feel so supported yeah no i agree with you
28:57
and with that i feel like this has been a great
29:00
opening Discussion. I hope the listeners out
29:05
there feel like they could relate and I hope
29:08
this maybe opens more conversations to how you
29:11
guys are feeling and possibly finding that space
29:15
or person that they can go and talk to, whether
29:18
it's pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood, whether
29:21
it's I'm feeling overwhelmed, underwhelmed, stressed,
29:27
vexed. that is a daily word in our house but
29:31
also happy and proud yes and all of the other
29:34
good things so yeah thank you for listening and
29:38
goodbye bye guys bye for now