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Boundaries are Medicine · Remember Why You Are Here

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Boundaries are medicine because they help us become aware of what we are here to
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cultivate and who we truly are.
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Hello and welcome back to Remember Why You're Here,
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a podcast for seekers and sensitives where you can relax, receive,
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reconnect to yourself and remember that most important thing of all,
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why you're here. I'm Asia Suler, author, teacher,
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Earth Intuitive. And in this episode today,
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I wanted to return to a recording I made several years ago now
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called Boundaries as Medicine.
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If you listen to the intuitive reading for this month of September
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2026,
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you'll know that I talked a lot about one of the energies and
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opportunities up this month is this energy of
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protecting what has newly come online for us.
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I spoke in August about this idea of these spontaneous soul retrievals
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happening, these parts of ourselves coming back online,
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these tender pieces coming home. And now in September,
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there is this vibe here of really giving ourselves the
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kind of protection and shelter that we need as we
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continue to integrate these tender parts of ourselves,
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these aspects of ourselves that we're bringing back and reintegrating into the
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whole.
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And so one of the best ways to protect
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ourselves as sensitives is boundaries.
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So I remember at some point growing up thinking that
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boundaries always looked like you were drawing a line in the sand or
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you're about to get into a fight with the rival gang,
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but boundaries really are about distinguishing what is
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you and not you.
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And this is incredibly important for sensitives and empaths.
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So I thought we would revisit this recording boundaries as
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medicine in case you're someone that needs the reframe,
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that it's actually okay for you to set boundaries. It's important,
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it's life giving, not only for you, but for the world around you as well.
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Boundaries are what make healthy relationships possible.
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They're what give you the space that you need to integrate all
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aspects of yourself,
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to feel safe at your center and to create what you're here to create in this
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lifetime. So when you're ready, go ahead and settle in.
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We're going to drop into this recording boundaries as medicine and at the end
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I'm going to walk you through one of my favorite practices for
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just coming back home to myself when I feel scattered,
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when I feel like my boundaries have slipped.
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This practice always really supports me as I
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am someone who is constantly learning and updating my awareness of what
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boundaries are.
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And this is something that a lot of us sensitives and empaths are doing.
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This is part of our journey.
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It will be different layers and aspects of learning every single time
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we have to set a new boundary.
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And so this practice will really help you with that. Okay, let's dive in.
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Summer is a season of endless expansive possibilities, blooming,
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flowers, fruit, parties.
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Summer is also one of the best times to learn about boundaries.
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In particular, because summer is such a boundaryless time,
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it's one of the most perfect times for us to begin to practice and understand
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where our boundaries are and why holding boundaries is so important for growth.
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At its most basic,
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boundaries are about learning what is self versus non-self.
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Now, of course, this is always shifting, right?
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When we're very, very young,
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we often identify ourselves with our caretakers.
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Fast forward to our teenage years and one of the ways in which we know ourselves
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is through disidentification with our parents or caretakers.
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So know that this boundary between self and non-self is something that is always
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shifting and always in the process of being clarified and figured out.
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I think this is important because sometimes we think setting a boundary is about
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realizing one hard steadfast rule, and that's not really how it works.
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So you might be invited to a potluck one week and have it feel awesome,
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and you might be invited to a potluck the next week and have it feel draining.
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This is because your boundaries of where self and non-self are have
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shifted.
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So I remember hearing once this definition of evil as just that
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which is not you and doesn't belong within your sphere.
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And it really liberated me and sort of took some of the fear out of the idea of
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good and bad and the fear around the protection of boundaries.
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It's just about recognizing what's you, what's not you.
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And if it's not you and it's inside your boundaries,
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it's time to ask it to leave. Really,
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boundaries is about continually looking towards our subtle edge and where is
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that subtle edge moving? Think about a garden bed.
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If you didn't hold the boundaries of what could grow there and couldn't grow
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there, you wouldn't have a garden. You'd have a wild space,
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which is beautiful unto itself. But if we want to grow certain kinds of herbs,
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vegetables, flowers,
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or even certain ways of being aware of ourself or certain kinds of
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experiences in our life, we need to be able to have boundaries.
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Now, just like in gardens,
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there's no right or wrong in terms of boundaries.
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It's all about what you are wanting to cultivate.
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So I learned this lesson really strongly when I moved into the
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first house that I bought. The garden there was completely overgrown.
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At one point in time,
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it had been a beautiful oasis tended by a master gardener and it had been
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basically left for about five years before I moved in.
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And the first year I just watched everything to see what was there and what was
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growing. The second year I started to make some boundaries.
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I basically had to make the decision,
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what do I want growing here versus what do I not want growing here?
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There was no right or wrong answer. It really just came down to what I liked,
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what worked for me,
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and what I thought would be most beneficial for the larger landscape.
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A weed is truly just a plant that's growing in a space where you'd prefer to
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grow something else. So something that someone else might call a weed,
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you might call medicine.
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The same is true for the things in our life that are crossing our
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boundaries and taking our attention away from what we truly want to cultivate.
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So whether that's a relationship in your life or whether that's even a thought
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form or an idea or a looping pattern of thinking that keeps coming
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back into your mind,
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this too is a boundary violation and it can be taking you away from that which
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you really want to cultivate in your life.
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So this is why boundaries are medicine because they help us become aware of what
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we are here to cultivate and who we truly are.
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And the way that we know who we are as individual people in this vastly
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connected whole is to know where our boundaries are.
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Drawing boundaries is essential for healing,
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whether that's drawing a boundary to take a sick day when you're not feeling
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well,
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or whether that's literally drawing a boundary between you and a pathogen that's
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entered into your body.
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If we can take this example of healing on a physical level and expand it out to
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this more energetic or esoteric way of thinking about
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healing,
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we can see that boundaries are actually what create the container for us to know
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ourselves and be able to fill out this vessel that we've been
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given.
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And that truly is why we're here to fill out this person,
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this individuality, this personality and give our gifts to the world.
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And we can't do this without boundaries.
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The amazing thing is that when we connect into boundaries,
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it literally can begin to change your consciousness.
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I like to say that boundaries are psychedelic.
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When I draw strong boundaries,
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because of the way in which it actually helps me curate where my thoughts and
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awareness is going and also where my energy is going,
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I draw boundaries when I feel like I'm being energetically depleted,
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I then have more energy for my life, for the things that feed me.
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I have more energy for the moment. So for me, this feels like time slowing down.
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It feels like the ability to luxuriate in life's moment to moment
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joys. Colors are more vivid, experiences are deeper,
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all of this happening just from drawing boundaries. Now, of course,
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it's hard at first to begin drawing boundaries and before we get to the numinous
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psychedelic experience of being immersed in our own energy and all of the power
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that that could bring to us, we're probably going to be dealing with guilt,
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shame, or worry, and that's fine. Just know that when those feelings come up,
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that's the precursor to being able to get to a space where you feel
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comfortable and good in asserting your boundaries. And again,
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your boundaries are always shifting too.
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So the more you practice saying no in a certain realm or drawing a certain
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boundaries,
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the more you'll feel comfortable with that and then actually be able to expand
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the ways in which you are holding a container for your energy and your life
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purpose.
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So one of the things that I like to do is I just say to myself,
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"I'm going to hold a boundary with that." And it comes in oftentimes when I
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start worrying about something or I start future tripping or I start going into
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the past and sort of going down that rabbit hole.
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I will literally say in my mind or sometimes out loud, "You know what?
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I'm going to draw a boundary with that." It's funny.
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It shakes up my train of thought and it really helps me realize that one of
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the first and most important places that I can set boundaries is within my own
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thoughts. Now,
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if you're interested in working with plants to help you hold boundaries,
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I highly recommend working with any thorned plants.
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So you can work with any thorn plants just talismatically by
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bringing in a representation of that plant into your spiritual practice,
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meditating on the idea of that plant or taking a flower essence from that plant.
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One of my favorites for this is blackberry.
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Blackberry is a plant that will often grow in after an area has
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been cleared or clear cut.
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So blackberry is actually this regenerative plant for helping to
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restore forests. If you've ever gotten yourself into a thicket of blackberries,
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you know why,
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because it keeps people and also other animals out so that these
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tender young shoots can really get a chance. They are land reclaimers,
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they are boundary holders in a really sacred way that then create healing and
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restoration. So if you're interested,
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you can try working with blackberry flower essence or even just get yourself a
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quart of blackberries and really be in presence while you're eating them.
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Invite the energy of that plant in to come help you learn about how beautiful
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and life-giving boundaries can be.
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Now I want to leave you with one practice that can help you as you start to
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implement more boundary setting in your life.
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So this practice is called EFT or emotional freedom technique,
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and it's something that I use when I'm having a lot of emotion come up.
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I find it to be very helpful when I'm trying to draw a boundary,
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but I'm having guilt or worry come up. So in EFT,
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we're actually tapping certain meridian points on our body to create greater
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energy flow.
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This idea that all negative emotional states are actually coming from a
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blockage in energy.
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And if we can just get that flow moving by acknowledging what we're feeling and
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tapping on these places on our body,
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that it can actually help us come into presence and then through that awareness,
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just begin to take the edge off the way in which that thought is controlling us.
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So if you're interested in this,
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there are tons of tutorials on EFT on YouTube or online elsewhere so you
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can look deeper into it,
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but for now you don't have to know anything about EFT to just follow along with
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me with this exercise. Wonderful.
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So let's go ahead and now do this EFT tapping exercise.
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I decided to rerecord this part as the original
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recording was a video because I want to make sure that I'm listing the different
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places that we're going to be tapping here.
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So if you're listening while you're driving,
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you can just follow along in your mind's eye and literally imagine tapping these
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places. But if you do have the space,
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if you're in a place where you can do this,
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go ahead and settle in and we're going to walk through this EFT
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technique.
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So we're using this specifically when you're feeling guilt come up around
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setting a boundary,
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which is one of the biggest emotions that will come up for us sensitives and
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empaths when we do set that boundary.
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But obviously you can use EFT tapping for any
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feeling that is causing you strife,
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any feeling that is causing you pain.
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One more quick note before we begin. A lot of times in EFT circles,
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the phrase is,
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even though I still completely accept myself or
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I still completely love and accept myself.
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One of the things that I have found over time is that if I'm not in a place
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where I feel very accepting of myself or I'm feeling very loving towards
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myself, that it can actually sort of trigger an inner alarm within me.
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So the phrase that I like to use is even though I feel whatever the feeling is
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or whatever the thought is,
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I can still show up for myself because just by tapping
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in that moment, I am always showing up for myself.
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So that's the basic phrase that we're going to use here.
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And you'll notice that the statement might shift over the course of me tapping
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and this is normal and natural.
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What I often find is that as I tap, my feelings change.
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What I'm saying to myself changes.
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And so what I'm saying out loud as I tap will reflect that.
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So if I was doing this for myself right now,
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I would first think about how bad I feel in this moment on a scale
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from zero to 10. This sort of gives me a good recognition of where I'm at,
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where my starting point is. How bad does this guilt feel, for example,
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with this phrase that we're using. Okay.
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And so now I'm going to step into this with the statement,
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even though I'm feeling guilty, I can still show up for myself.
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All right, so we begin here
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by tapping what we call your karate chop point.
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So this is the blade of your hand underneath your pinky right on the
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side of your hand. And so you just start tapping with your fingers.
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You take your other hand, you could use two fingers, you could use three,
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four fingers,
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but you go ahead and start tapping on this side of your opposite hand in this
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karate chop place, and you say your beginning statement out loud three times.
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So even though I'm feeling guilty right now,
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I can still show up for myself in this moment.
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And I normally repeat this about three times.
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Even though I was feeling guilty right now,
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I can still show up for myself in this moment.
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Even though I'm feeling guilty right now,
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I can still show up for myself in this moment.
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And then we move on to the very top of our head.
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So you can follow along with my statement.
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If you have your own statement about something that you are working with right
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now, go ahead and just drop into that. So I'm tapping now with my hand,
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either hand is fine, the very top and center of my head. And I'm saying,
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even though I'm feeling bad about feeling guilty,
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I still can show up for myself in this moment.
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And now I go to the inside edge of one of my eyebrows.
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Either eyebrow is fine.
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We're going to that inside edge where your nose meets your eyebrow,
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tapping here and deepening into that statement.
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Even though I'm feeling anxious about how guilty I am,
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how guilty I feel, I can still show up for myself in this moment.
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And now we're moving to the outside edge of one of our
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eyebrows where your eyebrow meets your temple. And again,
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you might notice that your statement begins to shift here. So for me,
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maybe it might shift into,
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even though I'm worried I might have hurt someone's feelings,
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I can still show up in a loving way for myself.
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So I was able to bring in the love in that moment.
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Now I'm going to move on to tapping the bone underneath one of my eyes.
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Your cheekbones right underneath any one of your eyes is fine.
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Even though I feel heavy right now,
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I can still show up for myself.
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I can still hold space for myself.
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And now we move to tapping between your nose and your upper lip,
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right in that divot right there.
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Even though I'm experiencing heaviness right now,
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I can still hold loving space for myself.
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And now you tap between your lower lip and your chin.
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Sometimes people like to be right on their chin or a little bit up from their
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chin towards the crease.
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Even though I'm dealing with a swirl of
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feelings in this moment, I still love and accept myself.
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So that's where I'm landing with this one.
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And then you move to tap beneath one of your collarbones.
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Sometimes I do both at the same time with both hands underneath one of the
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collarbones,
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but you're finding that notch just beneath the inside edge of your
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collarbone,
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right in the center there of your collarbone on either side.
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Even though I am dealing with a lot of feelings today,
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I still completely love and accept myself and the decision that I made. Ooh,
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it just moved again.
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And now we take our hand and we tap underneath one armpit.
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So this is the final tap and the sequence,
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and this is about four inches below your armpit. Again, on either side is fine,
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and you might find it's a little bit tender.
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So this is the very last place that you're going to tap.
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Even though this decision was hard for me,
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I still completely love and accept myself.
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And you can linger here for as long as you need, but when you're ready,
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let the tapping cease.
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And now you just stop and reassess how you feel about the same
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issue, about the same feeling, remeasure it.
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If it began at a certain number, maybe
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on a scale of zero to 10 of how bad it felt I was at a seven,
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maybe I'm at a six now. Maybe I'm at a five, maybe I'm at a three.
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But just notice what is here. And if it didn't lower at all,
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that's completely fine.
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It's really normal to need to go through this process two or three times.
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Normally I tap for about that long, maybe two to three minutes.
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If it's really something that stuck for me, I might tap for about five minutes.
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If you need a little refresher on these points,
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you can definitely go ahead and just look up EFT tapping.
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There's a lot of places where they list these points.
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And what I find with tapping, especially for us sensitives,
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is that it really brings us back into our bodies.
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And a lot of what happens when we start to feel really guilty about the
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boundaries that we're setting is that we're actually lifting up and out of our
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bodies. We're not inside of ourselves anymore.
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We're getting caught up in other people's feelings,
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worrying about the way other people are in this world, what they need,
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what they're thinking.
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And so tapping really brings us back into our center and from there we can
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really encounter the feeling and allow it to dissolve.
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So this is one of my absolute favorite tools for this,
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and I hope it's helpful for you as we step into this month of
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really bringing a bit more of that protection energy online,
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of reminding ourselves that it's completely normal, natural,
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and needed to set boundaries so that we can create in the ways we want to
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create. We can relate in the ways we want to relate and that we can allow our
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life force to be something that is feeding us, not just feeding other people.
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So as we move even deeper into this month,
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may you be supported in all of the tender new things you are tending
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to right now, all of the things you are growing and pouring your energy into.
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May you remember that you deserve this kind of boundaries,
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these kinds of boundaries of love and protection and healing,
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and may you also remember that most important thing of all,
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why you're here.