Latest / ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women / 172 // How Will You Respond to Rejection in ADHD

Transcript

172 // How Will You Respond to Rejection in ADHD · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

• 0:00
  Whether we like it or not, rejection is a part of life.
• 0:04
  Now, the real question is, how do you want to respond to rejection?
• 0:14
  Like you're not good enough the way you are? In this podcast,
• 0:17
  I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence so you can know
• 0:20
  in your heart that you do belong.
• 0:22
  You are enough and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
• 0:26
  Hey, I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom.
• 0:41
  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey Spronk.
• 0:46
  And today we're going to talk about the question, how do you want to respond to rejection in ADHD?
• 0:53
  Now, I wish we could just remove rejection, we could take away rejection sensitivity.
• 0:59
  But the fact is, whether you are neurotypical or neurodivergent,
• 1:04
  we all experience rejection, and not just once, but often, unfortunately.
• 1:11
  And the thing here is, is that we can't control other people's actions,
• 1:16
  their thoughts, their responses to us.
• 1:19
  We can only control how we are going to respond.
• 1:23
  So in today's episode, stick around to the end if you want to know what five
• 1:27
  questions you can ask yourself to help you figure out how you want to respond to rejection in ADHD.
• 1:35
  Now I want to share something here to kind of give us some context.
• 1:38
  In Matthew 7, 17 to 20, it says, likewise, every good tree bears good fruit,
• 1:45
  but a bad tree bears bad fruit.
• 1:48
  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.
• 1:52
  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
• 1:57
  Thus, by their fruit, you will recognize them. What is the point of all that?
• 2:02
  My point is saying that if someone is unkind, they are rude,
• 2:07
  they are condescending or putting you down, by their fruit, you will recognize them.
• 2:14
  You will see it by their actions and their responses. And guess what?
• 2:17
  That reflects on them, not on you.
• 2:21
  Now the second part is, what is the fruit that we're going to show?
• 2:26
  How are we going to respond?
• 2:29
  Like I said earlier, we don't get to choose other people's choices,
• 2:33
  their thoughts, or their reactions. We only get to choose our own.
• 2:38
  The other day at the coffee shop, I was working on some of my podcasting stuff,
• 2:44
  working on the course, the confidence course for you guys, and talking with
• 2:48
  a friend, and everything was going really well.
• 2:50
  And then I went to leave and there was another,
• 2:55
  couple there and I was I knew them and I was talking to them and I was standing
• 2:59
  across from somebody who was sitting by themselves now keep in mind this is
• 3:03
  a very small coffee shop you are all very crammed together
• 3:06
  very close to the people beside you so I was standing across from this other
• 3:10
  lady that I didn't know and.
• 3:13
  A minute into the conversation. I didn't stay for long.
• 3:16
  I said to her, hey, sorry if I'm in your way or in your space. And she didn't respond.
• 3:23
  She didn't even say anything to me. And then a second later,
• 3:27
  she looks up and scowls at me and says, if I wanted to be here with somebody,
• 3:33
  I would. Can you leave, please?
• 3:35
  And I was so taken aback. I was so shocked, first of all.
• 3:41
  But my point in this situation is that this was an example of blatant rejection
• 3:46
  that felt awful. It felt like a punch to the gut. I didn't know this person,
• 3:52
  but it felt completely uncalled for.
• 3:55
  And in this moment, I was there with my son, and he's seven.
• 3:59
  In this moment, I had a choice. Was I going to engage and say all the awful
• 4:05
  things that I was thinking after that?
• 4:08
  Or was I going to decide to walk away? Now, by the grace of God,
• 4:12
  I did decide to walk away, which I felt good about.
• 4:15
  But the point here is that rejection is going to happen, and it sucks.
• 4:21
  I don't think any of us enjoy it. But when we can prepare for how do we want
• 4:26
  to respond when we receive rejection or perceived rejection,
• 4:31
  it's not always as obvious as it was that day for me.
• 4:35
  We get to decide.
• 4:37
  Because you know what? At the end of the day, her response to me doesn't define
• 4:41
  me at all. Her rudeness doesn't define me.
• 4:44
  What she thought about me or thinks about me, that does not define me at all.
• 4:49
  I want to remind you, you have value because you are made in God's image.
• 4:54
  Because we are his, we have value and you are not made wrong.
• 5:01
  Something that can be so tempting in the face of rejection is to feel like it's because of who we are.
• 5:09
  And I want you to know it's not because of who you are.
• 5:13
  It is that person's decision it is the the fruit that they are showing of who
• 5:19
  they are or who they are in that moment i know sometimes,
• 5:23
  maybe that lady was having a hard day or a hard week or month or year or hard life,
• 5:29
  but i want you to know that what somebody says or does does not define who you are.
• 5:37
  Now, I have some questions for you here. So these ones are the question that
• 5:42
  you want to think about when you're thinking about how you want to respond to
• 5:45
  rejection is who do you want to be or who do you want to become?
• 5:49
  Because you get to make that choice.
• 5:51
  When we get caught in bitterness and anger and shame about who we are or whatever
• 5:59
  it is, is that who we want to become?
• 6:02
  The other part of this is what do you want to focus on? And this is really hard.
• 6:07
  Like this instance with this lady completely threw me off and I had a horrible afternoon,
• 6:13
  but because I have been working for years on building my confidence on Christ,
• 6:19
  on building my confidence on my unchanging worth and value in being made in God's image, I knew,
• 6:26
  that that person didn't get to decide how I felt about myself.
• 6:32
  In this instance here, I got to choose, did I want to focus only on her?
• 6:37
  Or I could also focus, which is what I worked on, was focus on the kindness
• 6:42
  of the people I was talking to, on the kindness of the friend that I was talking
• 6:46
  to before this happened.
• 6:48
  Because we have that choice. We always have a choice. And it doesn't mean that
• 6:52
  it's easy, but we always have a choice. What are we going to focus on?
• 6:57
  Now, don't get me wrong. Did I spend some time thinking about this?
• 6:59
  Absolutely but instead of getting caught in that spiral rumination and catastrophizing,
• 7:06
  I realized something really important that is also really hard,
• 7:10
  I needed to forgive not condone her behavior not saying that the way she acted
• 7:15
  was okay but relinquishing the right to get even,
• 7:20
  so that's another question I have for you where do you need to forgive and let go of the right,
• 7:26
  Now, I want to clarify something here.
• 7:28
  Somebody the other day mentioned that forgiveness means you're okay with what
• 7:32
  happened. That is not the case.
• 7:35
  Forgiveness does not mean that you're okay with what happened,
• 7:39
  that you feel okay about it, that you're letting the person off the hook, so to speak.
• 7:44
  This is not about them. It's about you. It's not about letting people walk over you or mistreat you.
• 7:51
  It's about choosing how you want to respond, who you want to be,
• 7:55
  and about not living in bitterness and unforgiveness that's going to hold you
• 8:00
  back. It's not about the other person.
• 8:02
  It's not about them deserving forgiveness. It's about you saying,
• 8:05
  hey, I'm relinquishing the right.
• 8:08
  I'm giving this back to God and saying, I am not going to try to take this into
• 8:12
  my own hands to do something about it.
• 8:15
  So as an example, if you are struggling with bitterness towards somebody,
• 8:21
  you've experienced rejection, forgiveness can be so incredibly freeing,
• 8:25
  even if it's really hard.
• 8:27
  So in this example, I would say, I choose to forgive the woman who is rude to
• 8:31
  me, to forgive her for making me feel rejected and like I'm too much.
• 8:36
  I choose to release any bitterness or unforgiveness in Jesus' name.
• 8:40
  And I choose to believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made,
• 8:44
  valued, loved, and wanted, even when I'm faced with rejection.
• 8:50
  Now that's just an example. It can sound different. And sometimes we have to
• 8:54
  do this multiple times to feel that freedom. But the thing is, is that.
• 9:00
  In those instances where we feel rejected, we can continue to give that person
• 9:06
  power and say over our lives, over how we feel about our lives and about ourselves,
• 9:13
  or we can choose to relinquish that control and say, you know what,
• 9:17
  I choose to forgive this person and to move on with my life apart from that rejection.
• 9:24
  So I have five questions here that you can ask yourself.
• 9:27
  And in each of these scenarios I want you to ask what is true and how else can
• 9:33
  you view the situation. So number one when you are met with rejection how do you want to respond?
• 9:41
  It's important to think about this now when you're in a calm state as opposed
• 9:44
  to in the moment of rejection when you're feeling sick to your stomach and your
• 9:50
  blood is boiling you just want to you know i don't know react in anger and frustration,
• 9:56
  so when you're met with rejection how do you want to respond what can help with
• 10:01
  this is when you have that moment of rejection remembering what is actually true about you,
• 10:07
  is it true how you're feeling in that moment or do you know a deeper truth about
• 10:12
  your worth and your value,
• 10:14
  another thing as to how else can you view the situation in this example and
• 10:18
  i'm not saying you can think this right away,
• 10:20
  but in hindsight looking at this situation for me in the coffee shop I realized
• 10:24
  this lady was probably having a really rough time maybe something bad had happened
• 10:28
  in her life maybe she's going through a major,
• 10:33
  life trauma or change or something there was probably something else going on,
• 10:38
  the second question to ask yourself.
• 10:40
  When you are met with failure how do you want to respond.
• 10:45
  So once again, what is true? When you feel like you failed, what is true?
• 10:48
  Are you a failure? Do you believe that?
• 10:52
  Is it worth trying again? Is this something that matters to you that you want to work towards?
• 10:58
  Number three, when you are up against a challenge, how do you want to respond?
• 11:03
  And when we can prepare ourselves for these different scenarios,
• 11:07
  it can be so incredibly helpful in preparing us for how we want to respond in the moment.
• 11:15
  Number four, when you are afraid of failing, how do you want to respond?
• 11:20
  We are going to be afraid of failing. We're going to be afraid of rejection.
• 11:25
  How do you want to respond? Do you want to remind yourself of who you are,
• 11:30
  your worth? Do you want to remind yourself of the importance of what you're
• 11:33
  working on, the impact it could have?
• 11:36
  How do you want to respond? Number five, when you are afraid of trying again,
• 11:42
  how do you want to respond?
• 11:44
  In a previous episode, I talked about what it looks like to have courage,
• 11:48
  and this as an example, trying again, even after we've failed or we've been rejected.
• 11:55
  It can be so scary and it takes a lot of courage, but it can also mean that
• 12:00
  we're going to have so much more of a fulfilling life as far as our friendships, our relationships.
• 12:07
  Our work, and our overall life fulfillment and satisfaction.
• 12:12
  And I think that is worth trying again. I'm not saying trying again immediately
• 12:17
  on that afternoon when I felt so rejected
• 12:19
  I needed a little bit of time to recover I needed to be around people who I
• 12:24
  knew loved me and cared about me and that's okay it's okay to take time,
• 12:30
  but what do you want to do when you're afraid of trying again.
• 12:35
  All right I hope this has been helpful or encouraging in some way to help you
• 12:39
  figure out how you want to respond to rejection and ADHD.
• 12:45
  I look forward to being here with you next time, and until then, God bless.