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Finding The Story You Live By · Your Thoughts Your Reality

0:02
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Michael is a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
0:46
SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: We got, we have, and we have one of the most charismatic.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: How do you say that?
0:57
SPEAKER_01: Charismatic.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: That's the word.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: Here, now you know we're live.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: Man that I know and happy to have him in my life.
1:03
SPEAKER_01: We have um Aaron Lloyd on today.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: He is a theater and film actor, turn performers, performance coach who helps people find their voice and own the room.
1:13
SPEAKER_01: He's a certified dual elite neuroencoding specialist.
1:16
SPEAKER_01: He can fill in how many stars in a minute.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: Applying brain-based tools to accelerate confidence and behavior and change that works with actors, entrepreneurs, and high performance, uh high performers to align identity.
1:31
SPEAKER_01: He is known for story craft, and we're gonna talk about this big time today, state management, which bridges uh mindset, embodiment, and practical rep.
1:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, and of course, he is always here helping us uh serve veterans and their family.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: So, with that said, my friend, tell us a little bit more about yourself and how many stars.
1:49
SPEAKER_03: What's going on, Mike?
1:50
SPEAKER_03: It's a pleasure to be back on.
1:52
SPEAKER_03: I'm a two-star dual lead no-unquoting specialist, originally from Bridgeport, Connecticut, which is an inner city in Connecticut.
1:58
SPEAKER_03: Um, single parent home, oldest of three.
2:01
SPEAKER_03: Um, lost my father when I was a one-year-old and kind of went through some some challenges in terms of navigating, navigating the inner city, then getting to college and and navigating a sense of who I am and and and what I have to offer into the world and that gap between what I always envisioned versus where I was and what I was living.
2:19
SPEAKER_03: So that's kind of where we are now, and things are shaking up, and I'm I'm excited about it.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and anybody not following Mr.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Aaron Lloyd, um, check him out.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: He's doing some really amazing, cool stuff in all aspects of life, man.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: So um, you know, and we'll we'll talk about how to reach out to him and connect with him uh at the end of the show.
2:37
SPEAKER_01: So uh before we really start rolling, just want to remind everybody on the top left-hand corner of your screen, there's a blue QR code.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: Scan that if you're on the uh the podcast forums later on, it's empower performance strategies.com.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: Again, empowerperformance strategies.com for all of those who want to get involved, uh join the mission.
2:59
SPEAKER_01: We have uh free free ebooks, we have uh Facebook groups, we have we have a whole community.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: So come join us.
3:05
SPEAKER_01: And with that said, my friend, um I want to start off a little bit um before we we jump into questions because um I I want to know, and I know we talked about it before, but people new to seeing you, what what got you into this realm?
3:20
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know acting it you can talk about that as well, but also the just the self-development.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: You know, what what said I need something different?
3:30
SPEAKER_03: Man, so how did I get into self-development?
3:34
SPEAKER_03: I was I've always had a bigger vision for my life, I've always wanted to get better.
3:40
SPEAKER_03: And my avenue into that when I was in high school was football.
3:44
SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, discipline, things like that, get into football and sports.
3:47
SPEAKER_03: And then once I got into college, obviously that's acting.
3:50
SPEAKER_03: And acting for me is something I'm gonna do for the rest of my life.
3:53
SPEAKER_03: And what I want for my life is more holistic.
3:55
SPEAKER_03: I want something beyond acting.
3:57
SPEAKER_03: I want my life to be more than acting, I want my life to have more purpose than that.
4:01
SPEAKER_03: And there's purpose in acting, don't get me wrong with that.
4:03
SPEAKER_03: But the way self-development came through was I was living in the Bronx.
4:07
SPEAKER_03: And if you've heard this story before, I didn't have a bed.
4:10
SPEAKER_03: I was sleeping on the floor in the Bronx.
4:12
SPEAKER_03: And, you know, this is a time in my life where like my card was getting declined trying to buy a jar of peanut butter.
4:17
SPEAKER_03: How I got this way, I don't know.
4:19
SPEAKER_03: Just no financial literacy.
4:20
SPEAKER_03: I was I was working, but the money would go out sooner than I was making it, you know.
4:25
SPEAKER_03: So I found myself sleeping on the floor and I knew I was doing right or trying to do right with what I had.
4:30
SPEAKER_03: I wasn't robbing people, I wasn't doing anything like that.
4:33
SPEAKER_03: So I was like, well, what's going on?
4:35
SPEAKER_03: So I started jumping into books and podcasts and things like that.
4:40
SPEAKER_03: Les Brown and and and Joseph and all these people.
4:44
SPEAKER_03: And it came to a point where I just knew things.
4:47
SPEAKER_03: I forget I must have been like 24, 25, and I was like, things have to change.
4:50
SPEAKER_03: I can't keep on living this way.
4:51
SPEAKER_03: It's that breaking point.
4:52
SPEAKER_03: And change doesn't happen from saying, oh, it's gonna change and it happened.
4:56
SPEAKER_03: It happens from a decision in the moment, and then life is never the same after that.
4:59
SPEAKER_03: So I went to this conference and I didn't even have enough money for the whole the hotel room.
5:04
SPEAKER_03: And there was a blizzard that weekend, but talking about a decision, I said, I don't care, hell or high water, I'm going to this thing because what else do I have to lose?
5:12
SPEAKER_03: I have nothing else to lose.
5:13
SPEAKER_03: I just go into the hospital, like I think like um that two weeks prior because something clicked on my back because I was sleeping on the floor so long.
5:20
SPEAKER_03: So I was really, really in a in a place where I have to make something change.
5:24
SPEAKER_03: And I went to that event, and by the grace of God, like um the hotel didn't matter.
5:29
SPEAKER_03: Somebody let me stay in their room, and and the rest has been history.
5:32
SPEAKER_03: I've and it's personal development, it will continue to always happen.
5:35
SPEAKER_03: There's always something to work on.
5:37
SPEAKER_03: There's there's no perfection.
5:39
SPEAKER_03: It's like what Joseph said, it's personal development's like zero to infinity.
5:43
SPEAKER_03: You're you're you're never gonna get to infinity, but you're further away from zero.
5:47
SPEAKER_03: So that's what we've kind of been joining with that.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: And and you know what?
5:51
SPEAKER_01: We we don't we don't stop.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't say we, most people, and and I'm guilty too, we're so caught up in in what we're doing that we don't stop and think about wow, this is where I am now compared to where I was then.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, we all have we we I'm gonna say we almost all have a story like this, right?
6:13
SPEAKER_01: And I just want I I'm very big on presence, and I just want people to maybe just take a second and think back.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: Not right now because Aaron's got some more stuff to tell us, but think back and just say, man, where was that pivotal moment?
6:27
SPEAKER_01: What was it that changed the trajectory of my life?
6:32
SPEAKER_01: And and for me, I can go back, and I'm not gonna spend a bunch of time on this, but I can go back, you know, when you when you do presentations, you do public speaking, you you have you know stories that you come up with, and you go back, and I can be like, okay, well, this age, this age, this age, and you you really go back and you look at all those different aspects and those moments.
6:51
SPEAKER_01: When we joined NEI for both of us, I guarantee was a big pivotal moment, right?
6:56
SPEAKER_01: And what brought us to that, and and so on.
6:58
SPEAKER_01: So I just want people to go back and think just for a minute, uh, so you can um so you can create that gratefulness for yourself for just a minute of wow, that's where I was, that happened.
7:08
SPEAKER_01: But look at the door that was open because of it and where I am now.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: It's a beautiful thing to think about.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: Um so with that said, I know we we have some questions, and unfortunately, my my teleprompter isn't working, so I'm gonna read them from the paper.
7:25
SPEAKER_01: That's line was all over the place earlier.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: We're live, man.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: So we're just gonna roll.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: So we're gonna probably do one question and then we're just gonna end up talking because that's what generally happens just because we love organic conversation.
7:41
SPEAKER_01: But um, so on stage, a character's backstory drives choices in real life.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: How can someone rewrite their backstory?
7:49
SPEAKER_01: And this is so important for so many.
7:52
SPEAKER_01: Um, so that trauma informs them but doesn't define them.
7:56
SPEAKER_01: Yes, because it's it's it's a scary thing when it defines you and it becomes your your true story.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, we're not gonna get into secondary gain and all the other things that happen from there, but um, tell us about that if you will.
8:09
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's that's incredible.
8:11
SPEAKER_03: For for acting, one of the first things that we're taught as actors is you have the given circumstances.
8:16
SPEAKER_03: So if I'm doing a play or a script, given circumstances means if the script and the playwright or the screenwriter has written that this takes place in Albuquerque and it's during the 1930s, I as an artist and can't say, oh, I want this thing, you know, I'm gonna use my art, and now it's suddenly taking place in the 2000s and and it's taking place in in somewhere else like Utah or something like that or or New York or whatever.
8:38
SPEAKER_03: I can't do that.
8:39
SPEAKER_03: I have given circumstances.
8:41
SPEAKER_03: The given circumstances for anybody's life is the trauma, is the things that you've gone through.
8:46
SPEAKER_03: Let's say you fell down and scraped your knee.
8:48
SPEAKER_03: You can't change the fact that you fell down and scraped your knee.
8:51
SPEAKER_03: That that happened, that's in the past.
8:53
SPEAKER_03: How you relate to the past, and we're talking about reframing a little bit, that can change.
8:57
SPEAKER_03: What you make something mean can change.
8:59
SPEAKER_03: What do I mean by that?
9:01
SPEAKER_03: Means that if you fell down and scraped your knee, you could say you could sit there and say, Oh my God, my knee is bleeding.
9:06
SPEAKER_03: Or you can say, Hey, look at my body.
9:08
SPEAKER_03: Look how incredible it is it healed.
9:10
SPEAKER_03: Look how much more resilient I am.
9:12
SPEAKER_03: And now you have a different feeling about that thing.
9:14
SPEAKER_03: And it's always think, feel, do, have.
9:17
SPEAKER_03: So if you feel differently about the things that you have, then you're gonna re you're gonna react in the future differently and have a different level of uh awareness and discipline concerning that.
9:27
SPEAKER_03: So how you shift that, you we as neuroencoders, we have a tool called changing personal history, and it's something that changes and relates and changes and shifts you on a cellular level, how you relate to that thing.
9:38
SPEAKER_03: So you really get it encoded in your body, it's not really gonna affect you anymore.
9:42
SPEAKER_03: But if you needed to do something right now, I encourage you to write down what happened.
9:47
SPEAKER_03: If you can, you know, talk to your people if it's not gonna be too traumatic and things.
9:50
SPEAKER_03: I know we're working with veterans and things like that here.
9:53
SPEAKER_03: Um, and if you thank you for your service to anybody who has, if you've you've served the country and and gone out and and and you know, put your your life on the line, things like that.
10:02
SPEAKER_03: That's you know, but what I encourage you to do is to write down what happened, if you can, if you feel you have the ability to, and then re-reflect on what this means for you.
10:12
SPEAKER_03: Look at look at how courageous you are, look at look at the the the relationships that you built and make it mean something differently, and then you can go build on other tools on top of that after that.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely love that.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: And thank you for bringing it back to veterans, of course.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: And this this tool that that Aaron's talking about, you can use it for anything though, right?
10:31
SPEAKER_01: So it could be it could be um I let I I got let go from my job.
10:36
SPEAKER_01: It can be uh because that's that can be trauma for people, right?
10:41
SPEAKER_01: And and rightfully so until you figure it out, you know.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: So um I love I loved how you how you talked about that.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: So can can I ask even even deeper?
10:50
SPEAKER_01: So how do you really uh integrate that?
10:54
SPEAKER_01: So you you went through and you've done the exercise.
10:57
SPEAKER_01: How do you really integrate that into your your nervous system, if you will?
11:01
SPEAKER_03: By shifting your identity.
11:03
SPEAKER_03: Everything is via identity, and this brings up a I'll share.
11:06
SPEAKER_03: So identity drives everything.
11:07
SPEAKER_03: There's a difference between saying, I've done something stupid, I believe something stupid versus I am stupid, right?
11:16
SPEAKER_03: There's a there's a huge difference in that.
11:18
SPEAKER_03: So if you if you relate to yourself differently in terms of like, oh, I've done something stupid, or I had this mistake or whatever, or this happened, and you shift it in your identity, then your identity is going to drive your behavior, which is your self-concept, your self-image is so important.
11:31
SPEAKER_03: And then how you let other people put whatever they did, whatever it is that they put on you in terms of what your past what's your potential is, is also important to realize.
11:40
SPEAKER_03: There's a story of um uh a scorpion and frog.
11:44
SPEAKER_03: And a scorpion was at the riverbank and wanted to get to the other side in order to get to his family, and the scorpion can't swim.
11:51
SPEAKER_03: So he said, Hey, Mr.
11:52
SPEAKER_03: Frog, Mr.
11:53
SPEAKER_03: Frog, I'd like if you give me a ride on your back so we can, you know, so I can get across to my family.
11:58
SPEAKER_03: And the frog was like, What do you think?
11:59
SPEAKER_03: I'm stupid.
12:01
SPEAKER_03: Scorpions sting frogs.
12:02
SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm absolutely not gonna do that.
12:04
SPEAKER_03: If you sting me, we're both gonna drown, we're both gonna die.
12:06
SPEAKER_03: And scorpion was like, Absolutely not.
12:08
SPEAKER_03: Why would I sting you if I'd drown with you?
12:10
SPEAKER_03: That makes zero sense.
12:11
SPEAKER_03: Just let me get to my family, let me hop on your back.
12:13
SPEAKER_03: And the frog was like, Okay, fine.
12:15
SPEAKER_03: And midway through the through the the journey, the scorpion sure enough stung the frog.
12:20
SPEAKER_03: And the frog was like, What in the world?
12:22
SPEAKER_03: Scorpion, why why why would you do this?
12:25
SPEAKER_03: Now we're both gonna drown.
12:26
SPEAKER_03: And the scorpion said, I'm a scorpion.
12:28
SPEAKER_03: The scorpions sting frogs.
12:30
SPEAKER_03: So your identity, that's self-sabotage in a way.
12:33
SPEAKER_03: When your identity and your question was like, How do you encode it?
12:36
SPEAKER_03: Is by shifting your identity, how you define yourself.
12:39
SPEAKER_03: Write down every 20, every every 25 times a day in the morning.
12:42
SPEAKER_03: Write down who you are, write down who you are and how you feel, even if you don't believe it at the moment.
12:48
SPEAKER_03: Just write it down in how you relate to yourself, and over time it's gonna change, and then that's gonna drive your behavior and it's gonna shift who you are and your results.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love it.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: And and if I can, I'm I want to add in.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: No, actually, I'm gonna ask you as far as really getting it in your system and encoding it.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: How does celebrations play a part in that?
13:08
SPEAKER_03: Celebration is important, so it's like the the story of if you have a baby, an infant, and that baby looks up at the mom for the first time and says, Ma, the mother doesn't look at the baby and say, You dumb baby, it's mother.
13:20
SPEAKER_03: The baby, the mother is excited, is elated, and that's how the baby learns.
13:24
SPEAKER_03: And that never goes anywhere.
13:26
SPEAKER_03: Celebration, how you praise yourself, even for the minuscule things, the small things in your life, that's super, super duper important because it's gonna teach you, hey, this felt good, I'm gonna keep on doing that.
13:36
SPEAKER_03: And you just keep on running with it, keep on rolling with it, make it a daily practice for yourself of celebration.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: I I I want to just bring up that you know, as neuroencoders, we conditioning the celebration is really important, right?
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Because you are conditioning to lock those things in.
13:56
SPEAKER_01: So how often do you celebrate something and then you're depressed or anxious or have anxiety or any of those things?
14:05
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't happen at the same time.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: You can't be grateful and upset at the same time.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: Physically cannot.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: Can you talk to me a little bit more?
14:13
SPEAKER_01: I see we're already off the questions.
14:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, hey, let's roll, let's roll, let's roll.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: Let's really do.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: This is what we do.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna circle back.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: There's at least one more that I definitely want to touch base on.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, but so so how do you really make that difference?
14:28
SPEAKER_02: Make difference of of the the encoding.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so um, so let me let me go back two steps.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: So, really just um when when you want when you're celebrating and you're grateful, um give give us some more thoughts on keeping that gratefulness so that of course with the celebrations it just gets more and more ingrained, but with with that gratefulness of like for instance, your list, which I love that you talk about, and I I do the same thing.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: So when you're going through that list, um really talk about how you get grateful inside on those kinds of things so that you can encode them in, if you will.
15:03
SPEAKER_03: So you now identify what it's it's I would encourage you to do something like this.
15:08
SPEAKER_03: This is from the acting world.
15:10
SPEAKER_03: When I was when we're studying Shakespeare, something that we use to study this language and get it in our body, because my definition of a great Shakespearean actor or a great actor is if the audience understands language, it's cool that you, as the actor, understands whatever it is that you're you're saying, but you as a Shakespeare actor need to have the audience understand the story, even if they don't understand the words, if that makes sense.
15:33
SPEAKER_03: So, how does how does this correspond?
15:36
SPEAKER_03: If you are writing something where it's like, oh, I'm I'm whatever it is that you're working on, I'm I'm courageous, but you've never felt courageous a day in your life, and you're saying, Well, this is bull crap, like I don't, I'm not, I don't feel this.
15:49
SPEAKER_03: The way you kind of do this, and the way Shakespeare actors do it, is you go thought by thought.
15:53
SPEAKER_03: So if it's to be or not to be, that is the question.
15:57
SPEAKER_03: To be or not to be might be the first stanza, the first line, the first I am, right?
16:02
SPEAKER_03: So you do that, but you take each breath.
16:04
SPEAKER_03: So it's to breathe it in, get it in your body, to be, to be or, and you do that after each thing, after each thought, and then you do it again, but then do it 70% down.
16:20
SPEAKER_03: This is also great for memorization, by the way.
16:22
SPEAKER_03: So you do that, and then after each one of those things, you can celebrate.
16:25
SPEAKER_03: I did that, you know what I mean?
16:27
SPEAKER_03: And that's gonna lock it in more.
16:28
SPEAKER_03: So as you're doing your statements or whatever it is that you're doing, it's a matter of slowing it down, integrating it, and then also depending on if you're visual kinesthetic auditory, you find a meditation practice for yourself to really get into yourself.
16:41
SPEAKER_03: What does life look like?
16:42
SPEAKER_03: What does life feel like?
16:43
SPEAKER_03: What does life sound like when you're living the life that you really deserve and that you that you really want?
16:49
SPEAKER_03: Um, what is that?
16:50
SPEAKER_03: And then keep that as what it is.
16:52
SPEAKER_03: It's the carrot on a stick, right?
16:54
SPEAKER_03: Rather than being pushed and motivated into something, what are you striving towards?
16:58
SPEAKER_03: And that's really gonna help you.
17:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely love that.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: And I I did not know that breathing exercise that you just talked about for you know in grading and and memory.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna use that.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: Use it pointing.
17:11
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I'm going to.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: You ever been in the shower and be like, did I already wash my hair?
17:17
SPEAKER_01: You got a couple of years, you'll get there.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: What?
17:20
SPEAKER_01: You're talking about dye?
17:22
SPEAKER_01: Hair dye?
17:22
SPEAKER_01: What's that?
17:23
SPEAKER_01: Hair dye?
17:24
SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
17:25
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, just as you get older, sometimes your memory doesn't as sharp as it is when you're young dye.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: That's all right.
17:33
SPEAKER_01: Got it, gotta um hair dye works too, but no, but you know, you're when you're when you're focused on other things, uh, and I know I'm totally offshooting this whole thing right now, but when you're when you're focused on different things, sometimes you go on autopilot, right?
17:51
SPEAKER_01: And I think this is this is important that we bring ourselves back out of autopilot and that presence is back.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: And when I say that about you know, you're in the shower and you're like, I wash my hair and you're moving on, it's like, did I wash my hair?
18:03
SPEAKER_01: Because you're so on autopilot and your thoughts are so just flying through your brain that um it literally deletes that memory.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: So it it's I think it's really important that you just stop and be present, um, do the do the exercise.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: Um, I was just making a joke about myself about being in the shower and not remembering if I should wash my hair or not.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: So um I think it's I think it's really important just to be present, you know, in that moment.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: So um long story about how I forget to if I washed my hair.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, everybody.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Let's move on, shall we?
18:37
SPEAKER_01: Um so so um I I do want to talk about this, um, because we are very big on not only the veterans but their families, right?
18:45
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, the unsung silent heroes, if you will, that are holding down the fort, that are there for their uh their spouses or brothers or sisters or whoever it is when they come back out of the military, because of course everybody's changed and there's a lot of reintegration that goes on there.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: And so I I really want to talk about the spouses andor caregivers, if you will, as well.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Um, so for them listening, what language helps a loved one expand their self-image without triggering shame or defensiveness?
19:18
SPEAKER_03: I would say these key words.
19:21
SPEAKER_03: I believe in you, I believe in you, and I'll explain why.
19:27
SPEAKER_03: It's I I believe in you and I believe in who you're becoming, would be an even better one, I believe.
19:32
SPEAKER_03: Because that doesn't trigger their past, which is a shame, but it does trigger the future that carried on a stick.
19:38
SPEAKER_03: And I this is this is actually back, I don't know the exact social experiment, but they actually, I think in the military did this where just as an experiment, they had the leader of the platoon, I don't know the language, but the platoon, platoon leader, whoever it was that was kind of in in charge of this battalion over here, versus over here.
19:56
SPEAKER_03: When those soldiers were coming into each group, they would tell the leader of each one of those groups either A, oh, these people are underperformers, these people aren't really performed well, they're uh they're below average, versus the other group, they would say, Oh, these are the the cream of the crop, these are top performers, they excelled.
20:13
SPEAKER_03: And what they found is both the both the so both sides were equal.
20:17
SPEAKER_03: But what they found is because of the way the leaders treated those each group, they rose to the occasion where they didn't.
20:22
SPEAKER_03: So this is super important.
20:24
SPEAKER_03: As a caregiver or spouse, the vision, the the life that you speak into your person is is going to be super important because we all fall short of the mark sometimes, and we all need that that that encouragement.
20:34
SPEAKER_03: We all need somebody to something to believe in.
20:36
SPEAKER_03: So I think as a caregiver, as a spouse, is believing in what your spouse is going to be, who they're who they are, and and and holding strong on that that vision for them because they'll they'll rise to it.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: I I love that.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: It was the Navy SEAL that did that, by the way.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: So thank you for bringing that up.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, so so you know, with that said, um, I also let's talk about the flip side.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: Uh you're the military veteran and your your spouse, whatever the case is, is is changed too.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: And they need the support as well, even though you're going through what you're going through, right?
21:12
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the honeymoon period's great.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: You know, everybody's I'm home, all this is fantastic, great.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: But then real life kicks in, less brown, you know, life be life, and right, as we all know very well, because it is probably one of the most true statements ever.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, so what would you say to the to them, the veterans themselves coming back, uh, to to help reconnect, if you will.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: Aaronny there?
21:41
SPEAKER_01: No, we're gonna hang on a second.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
21:46
SPEAKER_03: Life be lightning.
21:46
SPEAKER_03: Life be life on the right.
21:49
SPEAKER_03: That's the last thing I heard.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: What's that?
21:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh, got it.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: So so from a uh a veteran coming home to the spouse, the family, and so on, just talking about kind of being there for them as well and reconnecting.
22:02
SPEAKER_01: So, other than slowing down, and I I know you just dropped some great gold, but what are some other thoughts that you have um for being present and reconnecting with your spouse?
22:13
SPEAKER_03: I think there's a couple great ways.
22:15
SPEAKER_03: One, there's a great book that one of my mentors gave or recommended to me is there's a great book called Love and Respect.
22:22
SPEAKER_03: Um, I forget who the author is.
22:23
SPEAKER_03: That's a great one.
22:24
SPEAKER_03: Cherish is also a great one.
22:27
SPEAKER_03: And um uh so a great practice is literally eye contact, spending time looking into your partner's eyes, breathing with them, speaking life into them.
22:39
SPEAKER_03: There's something I forget which book it was.
22:41
SPEAKER_03: It might have been love and respect.
22:42
SPEAKER_03: Women want, and it's not to say that men don't want love and women don't want respect.
22:46
SPEAKER_03: It's just what the book found is that women respond more to love, meaning Hallmark cards mention love and how I can love this person.
22:55
SPEAKER_03: Whereas men, we appreciate love, but what will probably bring a man to tears is appreciation.
23:01
SPEAKER_03: Meaning, if you from the beginning of the year, 2026 is about to be here, if you wrote down one thing every day that you appreciated about your partner and gave that to him on during the holidays, he'd probably break down the tears.
23:12
SPEAKER_03: Just the things that you I appreciated that you took out the garbage today.
23:15
SPEAKER_03: I appreciated that you did this.
23:17
SPEAKER_03: You don't even got to tell him then, but if you gave him that as a letter, as opposed to a hallmark card, that would probably hit a man differently.
23:23
SPEAKER_03: And I see you nodding, so you I know that would that would hit me, right?
23:28
SPEAKER_03: Versus for a woman, they need respect too, and they respond to love.
23:33
SPEAKER_03: So it's typically if if you don't love me, I'm not gonna respect you.
23:37
SPEAKER_03: And then a man's like, well, if you're not respecting me, I'm not gonna love you.
23:40
SPEAKER_03: And it becomes this crazy eight thing.
23:41
SPEAKER_03: And we're talking about relationship dynamics.
23:43
SPEAKER_03: So how how do you then, as your spouse, remember that honeymoon period?
23:48
SPEAKER_03: And it's about going back, literally going back maybe to the same places that you've gone, if you have that ability to.
23:53
SPEAKER_03: The place that you first went on a date with.
23:55
SPEAKER_03: Hey, remember when you did this?
23:57
SPEAKER_03: Going polishing those memories, they're called, right?
23:59
SPEAKER_03: So polishing the memories of what drew you to this person in the first place.
24:03
SPEAKER_03: What was it that you saw in this person?
24:04
SPEAKER_03: Because you know this person's soul, you know their heart.
24:06
SPEAKER_03: And to know their heart is to know that nobody's perfect, right?
24:10
SPEAKER_03: We're we're, you know, and the person that you have the most intimacy with, and we're not just talking about physical, we're talking about like the emotional intimacy that you have with this person, you know, their hopes, you know, their dreams, you know, their fears, you know, all those kinds of things.
24:21
SPEAKER_03: They're human.
24:22
SPEAKER_03: So give them a break sometimes.
24:24
SPEAKER_03: And that's hard when you're, you know, why your socks on the freaking ground and why is a toothpaste in the sink and and all this kind of stuff, all those little things that go on, but have some grace because there's things that they could probably say about you too that aren't really the best, right?
24:37
SPEAKER_03: And and it's it's the same thing that the Navy SEALs did.
24:40
SPEAKER_03: See them as you wish them to be and speak that over them and believe in them, and then then you know go from there and re-kindle that from there.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely love that.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: And and I just want to say the books that you I think the titles say it all by itself love and respect and cherish, the books you just mentioned.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, if you keep that in your life, you're winning the game.
25:01
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: I I always tell people when respect is gone, it's very tough to get that relationship back.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, um, when you're being disrespectful, those kinds of things.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: So um I love I love your points there.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Aaron.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: And I want to also say my wife, she's not on here right now, she has something else to do.
25:22
SPEAKER_01: Usually she's watching and playing with us, but um, she will when she leaves to go on a trip or go somewhere or something like that, she'll leave me little love notes all over the house to find, right?
25:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh just saying, saying little sweet things, right?
25:37
SPEAKER_01: And the jar that you talked about, she gave me one of those, you know, with all these little things in there.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: I think it was her Valentine's Day or might have been Christmas.
25:45
SPEAKER_01: It's been multiple years, but we've been together for a few years, so uh celebrating that by the way.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: Um so literally this cute little thing and little little notes of things to take out and read each day.
25:56
SPEAKER_01: Or and I still have it now because I put the notes back in and I still go in and pull out a note, even though it's been 20-some years.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: See, um I it's the the notes are still meaningful, right?
26:10
SPEAKER_01: So when you just have those little things, those little reminders, those little things of hey, this person cherishes me because, or she loves me or respects me, or whatever the case may be because of this, it's a beautiful thing to just when you're feeling it like you need it, to just have it.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: So I love that you brought that up, and and I would encourage other people to to create those little things for each other.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: So when you're feeling down because the damn toothpaste is in the sink again, and you stop and become and get present with yourself, you can pull that and say, Yeah, but she loves me because exactly.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: So just a thought, I'm really glad you brought that up because I've not thought about that in in a while.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: And I'm when we're done, I'm gonna go grab a note.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, do that.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I love it, I love it, man.
26:56
SPEAKER_01: So uh we're almost out of time here.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: So I wanna I wanna ask um, first of all, how do people reach out to the amazing Aaron Lloyd?
27:05
SPEAKER_03: I appreciate that.
27:06
SPEAKER_03: You can reach out to me, Aaron Empowers, Instagram, Aaron Lloyd, LinkedIn, Aaron Lloyd, and those would be the best ways to reach out to me.
27:13
SPEAKER_01: Fantastic.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: And do you have anything you're working on for anybody that may be interested in working with you or anything at this point?
27:21
SPEAKER_01: I know I know you have the the, I'm not gonna say it out loud, but the acting uh stuff that you have going on.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: So why don't you share a little bit about that, if you will?
27:29
SPEAKER_03: Sure.
27:30
SPEAKER_03: I have a couple projects coming out next year.
27:32
SPEAKER_03: I have one domestic that I still can't speak about.
27:34
SPEAKER_03: Then I also have another global project that's coming out next year that's that's that's massive that I'm really excited about.
27:41
SPEAKER_03: So both those are slated to come out in 2026 on the acting front.
27:45
SPEAKER_03: In terms of in terms of uh coaching and speaking, I have a book that I'm currently expanding and working on.
27:52
SPEAKER_03: And as far as the holidays, I'm happy to buy two two sessions with anybody that reaches out to me between now and January.
27:59
SPEAKER_03: Just give them two two sessions to to work through into the new year.
28:03
SPEAKER_03: But that's what I have working on right now, that book, and then the two acting projects that are coming out.
28:07
SPEAKER_01: Excellent.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: And and guys, Aaron is one uh Aaron, don't listen for a minute because I'm gonna talk good about you.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: Just just now, Aaron is one of the most genuine people I know.
28:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, you could sit and just there's no pretense, there's there's just Aaron Lloyd in full integrity whenever you talk to him.
28:28
SPEAKER_01: He's one of the best people that that we know.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: And uh, so if you have a chance to work with him, you should absolutely reach out.
28:34
SPEAKER_01: If you're an actor, you're trying to figure things out.
28:36
SPEAKER_01: He's got he's got memberships, he's got groups.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, I I'm even in there just to pick up some extra tips because you you never know when I might start my acting career.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: Oh, exactly, though, if you have a chance to work with Aaron, you should um check it out, uh, and that kind of thing.
28:53
SPEAKER_01: So, as we wrap up here, you know the drill.
28:56
SPEAKER_01: I need three tips to get veterans in the families further, faster.
29:00
SPEAKER_03: Further, faster veteran tips.
29:02
SPEAKER_03: Love, love, love, love, love.
29:03
SPEAKER_03: It's the foundation of everything.
29:04
SPEAKER_03: Love yourself, love others.
29:06
SPEAKER_03: And if you have a spouse, love them too via however they want to be loved and have a conversation about it.
29:11
SPEAKER_03: Um, check in, check, have monthly check-ins, like where are we in terms of our love life right now?
29:16
SPEAKER_03: And and what do you feel like you need for me?
29:18
SPEAKER_03: Where am I falling short?
29:19
SPEAKER_03: Where can I improve?
29:20
SPEAKER_03: How can I love you better?
29:21
SPEAKER_03: So that's that's that.
29:22
SPEAKER_03: Two is belief.
29:23
SPEAKER_03: Believe in yourself, believe in in who you are, believe in whose you are, believe in that you something greater than you gave you the heart that's beating in your chest.
29:31
SPEAKER_03: You've never heard of heart cancer before.
29:33
SPEAKER_03: That's the power of love, that's the power of your heart, that's the power of you.
29:36
SPEAKER_03: Um, three is polish your memories.
29:40
SPEAKER_03: You something drew you to the military in the first place.
29:43
SPEAKER_03: Those those integrity, valor, um, brotherhood, uh, sisterhood, whatever it is, something drew you there because you have that value in you already.
29:51
SPEAKER_03: So hold on to that because that's still who you are, and just polish those memories in terms of what drew you to that, and then how you're gonna integrate that into your identity now.
30:00
SPEAKER_03: in your civilian life because those values aren't just for the military, they're for regular lives as well.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, bring bring that bring that home with you.
30:07
SPEAKER_01: And uh it there are so many thank you for saying that there are so many um leadership skills and different skills, grit you name it, um that you come out of the military with that people in the military generally it's a job, right?
30:25
SPEAKER_01: But that that work experience if you will transfers into civilian life and can help you thrive.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: So I love that you brought that up Erin fantastic man.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: And with that said everybody um Aaron time is the most precious resource we have my friend we don't get it back.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: So um thank you for coming on and and and spreading so many gold nuggets and and thoughts and and your wisdom with us again.
30:48
SPEAKER_01: So I greatly appreciate it.
30:50
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for having me man.
30:51
SPEAKER_03: Love you.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely love you too brother.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: All right man everybody we're out of here peace thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your thoughts your reality podcast with your host Michael Cole.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.
31:08
SPEAKER_00: To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality visit EmpowerPorformancestrategies dot com remember your thoughts shape your reality so make them count.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: Until next time stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Catch you on the next episode