Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #992 Pillow Fights & Dishy Decibels

Transcript

#992 Pillow Fights & Dishy Decibels · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now.
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  Speaker 2: Today, we're starting the podcast with the story about a pillow.
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  Speaker 2: I promise we're not trying to put you to sleep.
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  Speaker 3: Well, I promise that I won't tell any dad jokes
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  Speaker 3: in relation to pillows. The girls were mortified that you
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  Speaker 3: told that joke last week.
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  Speaker 2: It was such a good joke. It was such a
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  Speaker 2: good joke. I'm doctor Justin Corsner here with my wife.
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  Speaker 2: I am under our six kids. Kylie. Today, I'll do better
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  Speaker 2: tomorrow and we sort of talk about what's worked and
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  Speaker 2: what hasn't worked so that we can be more intentional
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  Speaker 2: in our parenting and help you to be more intentional
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  Speaker 2: in your parenting as you try to be better tomorrow. So, Kylie,
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  Speaker 2: what's the deal with the pillow and why do we
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  Speaker 2: need to talk about it today?
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  Speaker 3: Well, we had a long weekend, yes, a few weekends ago,
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  Speaker 3: and you may have shared last week that you were
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  Speaker 3: in Brisbane and you gave me a phone call because
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  Speaker 3: you'd forgotten your shoes.
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  Speaker 2: You got my shoes, yes, and wanted you to drive
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  Speaker 2: from the Sunshine Coast to Brisbane, which is an hour
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  Speaker 2: and twenty an hour and thirty depending on the time
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  Speaker 2: of day, so that you could bring me my shoes.
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  Speaker 2: You to buy some. I said, what do you think
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  Speaker 2: I am made of money? I just need my shoes
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  Speaker 2: much more politely than that. And then you, you very
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  Speaker 2: kindly did the drive I did. I mean I met
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  Speaker 2: you halfway. We met somewhere around I don't know that
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  Speaker 2: great big Costco Muhammouth. But I got my shoes in
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  Speaker 2: time for my presentation that night. What a wonderful wife.
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  Speaker 3: Well, long weekend comes and I am now stuck in
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  Speaker 3: Bunderberg with a whole bunch of young women from our
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  Speaker 3: church for the weekend. And I get there it was
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  Speaker 3: a girls camp and realize that I've packed everything, like everything,
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  Speaker 3: I had everything.
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  Speaker 2: Except your except for my pillow. And you rang me and.
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  Speaker 3: So might have run you. Yes, we rendezvous somewhere so
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  Speaker 3: you could bring me my pillow.
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  Speaker 2: Three and a half hours, three and a half hours.
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  Speaker 3: Just ask how much do you love me?
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  Speaker 2: I love you so much, But that you did not
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  Speaker 2: bring me my pl No, I didn't. I didn't because
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  Speaker 2: you've got other stuff. You can use it up. You
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  Speaker 2: can use your backpack.
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  Speaker 3: It was the worst sleep I've ever had.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
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  Speaker 3: No you're not.
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  Speaker 2: No, I'm not so Now that I've been sufficiently humbled
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  Speaker 2: today's podcast, I'll do better tomorrow. I'm going to share
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  Speaker 2: something that happened just the other night in our kitchen
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  Speaker 2: while the dishes were being done, because I had a
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  Speaker 2: massive win. And just before we play this, I need
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  Speaker 2: to highlight that you might want to block your ears
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  Speaker 2: at now and then because it's pretty hard to hear.
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  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, what do you think, Emily? Do you
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  Speaker 2: think that they should keep it up or echo professionally?
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  Speaker 2: Can you see them on stage? So that's the first clip,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to be giving
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  Speaker 2: you this glimpse. Here's the second one. Once you watch
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  Speaker 2: actually say you're in a low.
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  Speaker 1: Place, it says sound that was hit ninety decibels, hearing
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  Speaker 1: loss repeated the time generally to permanent damage, considering using
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  Speaker 1: here in the Texonal movie too area.
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  Speaker 3: So I was trying to work out how you were
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  Speaker 3: claiming this as a win. Yeah, I heard your harmonizing
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  Speaker 3: in there.
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  Speaker 2: No, that wasn't me. If it was off key harmonizing,
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  Speaker 2: definitely wasn't me at all. I was terrible. You were there, Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I kind of was.
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  Speaker 3: So.
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  Speaker 2: The reason I wanted to share that is because the girls, well, well,
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  Speaker 2: number one, they were singing so loud that Annie's watch
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  Speaker 2: went off and said you've gone over ninety decibels. You
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  Speaker 2: need to turn it down, which I just laugh. But secondly,
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  Speaker 2: the kids began to complain when I asked them to
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  Speaker 2: help in the kitchen, and then I started singing a
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  Speaker 2: Disney song and then I stopped and they kept it going.
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  Speaker 2: There was about eight a cappella songs. Then the sterea
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  Speaker 2: got cranked up and they they sang and laughed and
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  Speaker 2: had so much fun for taken at least, well, it
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  Speaker 2: took twice as long because they were making so much
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  Speaker 2: noise and having so much fun.
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  Speaker 3: My sister actually showed up halfway through this process and
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  Speaker 3: she looked at me and she said, what is going on?
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  Speaker 3: She said, I feel like the dynamics have shifted since
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  Speaker 3: Ella's left.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and what was going on is we were doing
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  Speaker 2: the dishes. That was pretty much it, and that's my
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  Speaker 2: alder about it tomorrow. It's really that simple, the fact
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  Speaker 2: that you don't have to make chores horrible when you're involved.
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  Speaker 2: When you're finding things that can bring delight and joy.
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  Speaker 2: Even doing the dishes can be great. And it's just
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  Speaker 2: it just felt so good, Kylie. It felt so good
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  Speaker 2: to be in the kitchen screaming with the kids as
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  Speaker 2: we sang Disney songs.
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  Speaker 3: I've actually watched you do this a couple of times.
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  Speaker 3: We were doing a car trip recently and the kids
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  Speaker 3: were getting a little bit antsy in the back seat,
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  Speaker 3: and you just threw when as part of your conversation
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  Speaker 3: the words from one of their favorite Disney songs. Yes,
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  Speaker 3: and looked at me with a massive grin as they
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  Speaker 3: took over and literally broke out into songs. Changed the
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  Speaker 3: dynamics of the car ride instantly.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, fun and music. If you want to do better tomorrow,
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  Speaker 2: they're too central and absolutely necessary ingredients, Kylie. What's your
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  Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow?
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  Speaker 1: Well?
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  Speaker 3: Day one of homeschool for term two was an absolute shocker.
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  Speaker 3: We sat down and Emily needed to do a recount
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  Speaker 3: on a small five minute animated video. She literally had
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  Speaker 3: to recount and retell the story in her own words. Well,
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  Speaker 3: she has decided, for whatever reason, she hates writing, and
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  Speaker 3: so we had a four hour standout.
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  Speaker 2: So you can't get away with that. At school, you
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  Speaker 2: can't say no the teacher for four hours, but when
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  Speaker 2: it's your mum.
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  Speaker 3: Every time I tried to, she just lost it. So
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  Speaker 3: I finally just gave up trying and I just got
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  Speaker 3: on with my day. And each time we'd interact, I'd
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  Speaker 3: just say, Emily, just let me know when you're ready,
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  Speaker 3: and she'd have another big kind of meltdown about it,
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  Speaker 3: until finally she got up and she decided she was
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  Speaker 3: going to get it done, and she actually did a really,
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  Speaker 3: really good job. But what I noticed was, obviously it
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  Speaker 3: totally changed the dynamics of our school day, and I
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  Speaker 3: realized that this is, obviously, for whatever reason, it's a
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  Speaker 3: real sticking point for her.
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  Speaker 2: Just before you go on with that, I remember when
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  Speaker 2: our kids were at a school in Brisbane when we
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  Speaker 2: were living down there, and this particular school had a
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  Speaker 2: policy where all the kids in grade four and grade
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  Speaker 2: five and grade six they did this thing where they
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  Speaker 2: just had to I can't really what it was called.
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  Speaker 2: It was like writing on demand or something like that,
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  Speaker 2: and the kids were literally expected every single day to
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  Speaker 2: pick up a pan, pick up a pencil and write
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  Speaker 2: for ten or fifteen minutes NonStop about anything at all.
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  Speaker 2: They had absolute carte blanche. They could go in any
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  Speaker 2: direction they wanted to. And I remember our kids complaining
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  Speaker 2: about it. They just hated writing, hated sitting there hunched
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  Speaker 2: over a notebook trying to write stuff, especially when they
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  Speaker 2: weren't even given a topic. It just felt like it
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  Speaker 2: was too big. I didn't know what to write about.
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  Speaker 2: So it's not an even though we're homeschooling, it's not
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  Speaker 2: an uncommon challenge for kids to not want to write.
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  Speaker 3: I had some of her school books available to me
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  Speaker 3: to flick through while she was having the smeltdown, and
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  Speaker 3: she kept telling me that she couldn't write and it
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  Speaker 3: was too hard. And I just pulled up last year's
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  Speaker 3: writing book, like her language book, and I started reading her.
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  Speaker 3: Her own words were just exacerbated her mood. She got
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  Speaker 3: so angry that I was kind of like throwing her
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  Speaker 3: words back in her face. But finally we got through it,
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  Speaker 3: and like I said, she did a great job. But
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  Speaker 3: moving forward, I wanted to find a better way for
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  Speaker 3: us to interact with writing because it has been just
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  Speaker 3: so challenging. And you actually shared that remembering of the
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  Speaker 3: kids doing the daily writing and as a young girl,
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  Speaker 3: I kept a journal from the time I was about six,
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  Speaker 3: and I still have that journal. So I actually pulled
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  Speaker 3: it out the next day and I said, em, I
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  Speaker 3: said if you ever thought about writing in a journal?
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  Speaker 3: And she was like no. I said, well, I found
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  Speaker 3: my journal from when I was six, and I said,
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  Speaker 3: can I read you what I wrote? There was very
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  Speaker 3: little detail to it. It was a really short entry,
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  Speaker 3: and I only wrote a handful of times that year,
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  Speaker 3: and then a handful of times the next year, and
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  Speaker 3: a handful of times the following year. But as I
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  Speaker 3: started reading, she started connecting with the things that I
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  Speaker 3: was sharing, and she was like, well, that's really cool,
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  Speaker 3: or I didn't know that was your grandma's name, or
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  Speaker 3: just little things. And I said to her, how do
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  Speaker 3: you feel about writing a journal? Would you like to
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  Speaker 3: do that instead of doing the other things that we've
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  Speaker 3: been doing in school, And she said yeah. So we
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  Speaker 3: went on a hunt for a notebook in the house
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  Speaker 3: because the girls all seemed to collect them and not
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  Speaker 3: use them. And she sat down and she wrote her
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  Speaker 3: first recount of her day, and it was just it
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  Speaker 3: was such a delight. It was an absolute delight to
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  Speaker 3: read and she had a ball writing it.
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  Speaker 1: Well.
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  Speaker 3: The other day we had an experience and she decided
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  Speaker 3: she wanted to write about it in her journal, and
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  Speaker 3: I rang her to ask her if I could share it,
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  Speaker 3: because she read it to you, you when you were
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  Speaker 3: coming back from Adelaide, and what was your impression?
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  Speaker 2: It cracked me up. I loved it. I just genuinely
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  Speaker 2: loved it. I loved hearing her little voice and she
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  Speaker 2: read with so much expression.
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  Speaker 3: So I wish she was here so she could actually
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  Speaker 3: share it because it was so hilarious. I'm not even
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  Speaker 3: going to clearly do it justice, but this is what
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  Speaker 3: she wrote. Tuesday is the day I made more cool
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  Speaker 3: dragon puppets. I also did a dot painting, and I
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  Speaker 3: learned about how Aboriginals used the land. Mum was drawing
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  Speaker 3: her gorilla baby and I saw it and I said, girl,
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  Speaker 3: that's amazing. It just needs a more tongue. Lady. That's
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  Speaker 3: as she said it to me, didn't she? And she
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  Speaker 3: goes on to say, after that, I went swimming against
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  Speaker 3: my wheel and I did in brackets deep breath but
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  Speaker 3: iFly breaststroke, freestyle dives, and when I finished, my mum
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  Speaker 3: brought me a lollly snake for me, and going home,
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  Speaker 3: I was on my mum's phone or reading Dragonslayer, then dinner,
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  Speaker 3: bed and sleep, and that was her recount of the day,
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  Speaker 3: and I just I wanted to share that because it
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  Speaker 3: was a couple of things that came out of it.
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  Speaker 3: We share the same art teacher and I had been
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  Speaker 3: working on this piece and she had asked me so gently, Mom,
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  Speaker 3: have you finished this? And I said, well, I said,
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  Speaker 3: I think it still needs some more work, but I
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  Speaker 3: just don't know how to do it. And that's when
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  Speaker 3: she said to me, you just need to work on
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  Speaker 3: your tone. Meant I didn't have enough depth in my picture,
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  Speaker 3: like enough color, And I said, I don't know how
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  Speaker 3: to get there, Emily, And here's my ten year old
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  Speaker 3: telling me. She said, when I get to that point,
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  Speaker 3: she said, my teacher tells me I just need to
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  Speaker 3: push harder with my pencil. So I went to art
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  Speaker 3: class that night and I sat with her teacher. We
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  Speaker 3: share and I said, Betty, this is the conversation I
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  Speaker 3: had with Emily. And she cracked up and she said,
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  Speaker 3: I'm sorry to say it, but.
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  Speaker 2: She's right push hard.
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  Speaker 3: So I was able to sit down and have time
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  Speaker 3: to finish it. But the reason I was sharing this
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  Speaker 3: was just because by thinking outside the box, Emily and
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  Speaker 3: I have created an opportunity for her to write in
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  Speaker 3: a way that feels comfortable and natural to her. And
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  Speaker 3: it's really encouraging her to be creative and expressive in
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  Speaker 3: the way she shares her experiences. And it's made such
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  Speaker 3: a difference because we missed a week, and when I
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  Speaker 3: asked her if she just wanted to write a week's
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  Speaker 3: recount in one entry, she said, no, I need to
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  Speaker 3: write for every day. So we've gone from this kid
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  Speaker 3: who didn't want to write at all to now doing
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  Speaker 3: four entries because she didn't want to miss a day.
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  Speaker 2: You know what you've inspired me to do is pull
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  Speaker 2: out my diaries, my journals from when I was a kid,
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  Speaker 2: and start reading those to the kids. I mean, they
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  Speaker 2: might not be interested, but I am. I think it'd
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  Speaker 2: be interesting to see what I write. And based on
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  Speaker 2: what Emily wrote about her week, I reckon in twenty
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  Speaker 2: or thirty years, she'll look back on what she's written
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  Speaker 2: and be so glad that she's taken the time to
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  Speaker 2: write it. What a wonderful gift. The Happy Family's podcast
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  Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: is our executive producer. If you'd like more information about
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: making your family happier, please visit happyfamilies dot com dot au.
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  Speaker 2: Have a wonderful weekend and hopefully this helps you to
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  Speaker 2: do better tomorrow