Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 4 - Episode 38 - The Best Friend Problem

Transcript

Season 4 - Episode 38 - The Best Friend Problem · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:01
  Hey everybody, welcome to the good morning from the Chicken
• 0:04
  Coop podcast. My name is Kim Johnson and I am
• 0:07
  a mastermind, set coach, creative strategist, and also
• 0:09
  happened to be a farmer. This is my chicken coop and I
• 0:12
  come out here every day to record a podcast to teach
• 0:16
  distinctions, possibilities, new ways of thinking, and just bring
• 0:20
  some joy into the world. So welcome to the coop and let's
• 0:23
  start your day off in a fantastic way.
• 0:27
  Hey everybody, good morning. Today we're going to talk about
• 0:30
  something that can be a very touchy subject and that's having
• 0:33
  close friends. So this this keeps coming up in
• 0:39
  multiple coaching sessions that I'm doing with multiple people
• 0:43
  and how, you know, maybe it's winter that's bringing it out.
• 0:46
  Maybe it's that it's that, you know, time of the year where
• 0:50
  everybody's looking at their goals and they're they're seeing
• 0:53
  where they're going. Who knows why, but it's a
• 0:56
  repetitive thing and when that happens, I know it's something
• 0:59
  that needs to be discussed. So we've been diving into it in
• 1:02
  our sessions and I want to bring it up to all of you.
• 1:05
  A lot of people are talking about how they don't have close
• 1:10
  friends. They have friends, but they
• 1:12
  don't have close friends and that's bothering them.
• 1:15
  They're feeling that they should have really close friends.
• 1:19
  They should have a best friend. You know, every so often you
• 1:22
  will run into someone who says, I have, I have a best friend.
• 1:25
  And we have been friends since we were little.
• 1:28
  And it's just been us. And they grew up in the same
• 1:30
  neighborhood and they continue to live in the same area, kids
• 1:35
  the same age, and they are just best friends.
• 1:38
  Then this goes for this is not gender specific, OK?
• 1:42
  This is just humans we're talking about.
• 1:44
  So it comes up both ways across the board.
• 1:47
  Everybody has this. But it comes up in both
• 1:50
  conversations when we're talking about the besties, you know,
• 1:53
  like, oh, somebody's got a bestie and they've been that way
• 1:55
  forever. Or they met in in high school
• 1:58
  and they've been besties ever since then.
• 2:00
  And that's not the norm. I really want to express this to
• 2:04
  people. That is not the norm, to have
• 2:06
  that kind of a thing. Most of us have the experience,
• 2:11
  myself included, where I have friends and I have friends that
• 2:16
  I met at different points in my life and they have different
• 2:19
  connections to me. So the people that I knew when I
• 2:22
  was growing up, I have very little connection to now.
• 2:26
  I I don't live in the same state.
• 2:29
  I live a completely different life than the people in the area
• 2:33
  that I grew up with. And when I left, I left behind a
• 2:38
  lot. Now, if I had not left, I would
• 2:41
  not be doing this. I would not have worked for Tony
• 2:44
  Robbins. I would not have gone all over
• 2:45
  the world doing that stuff, and my life would have been very,
• 2:50
  very different. When I was there, I had very
• 2:54
  good friends and I had some what I would call best friends and I
• 2:59
  enjoyed those people when and I was at that point in my life.
• 3:04
  But when I left, people drift apart and we hear that phrase
• 3:07
  all the time. And for some of us, it becomes
• 3:10
  really sad when we recognize how far we've drifted apart.
• 3:14
  And then as you get older and you become settled in your
• 3:18
  relationships and you become settled with your families,
• 3:21
  however those families are shaped and look, we, we take on
• 3:25
  that responsibility. We take on the things that that
• 3:29
  means to us and we focus on that.
• 3:31
  Now, I am an only child, so I do not have brothers and sisters.
• 3:36
  And I know there are plenty of my clients that I talked to that
• 3:40
  they have brothers and sisters and they don't even talk to
• 3:42
  their brothers and sisters. Because I used to think when I
• 3:45
  was little, oh, you know, it'd be nice to have a brother and
• 3:48
  sister, but then I'd realize I'd have to share my father.
• 3:50
  And I didn't want to do that because he was my best friend.
• 3:52
  And that that is funny because he was my best friend.
• 3:56
  He absolutely was my best friend.
• 3:58
  And I was completely OK with that.
• 4:01
  I was completely OK with that. After he passed away, I had very
• 4:07
  good friends, like I said, very good friends.
• 4:09
  And some I would have even called best friends at that
• 4:11
  point in time. And then once I started
• 4:13
  traveling, I made really, really good friends again.
• 4:16
  And just the 2-3 people that I call a best friend in this world
• 4:22
  where I know if I called, these ladies would get on a plane and
• 4:26
  be here to help me. I do, I know that.
• 4:29
  But do I talk to them all the time?
• 4:31
  No. Do I see them all the time?
• 4:33
  No. You know why?
• 4:34
  Because they live in different parts of the country.
• 4:36
  They live out on the West Coast and they're they're not here to
• 4:42
  here all the time and I'm not there to be there all the time.
• 4:45
  But we can pick up and we can just text immediately.
• 4:49
  You know, it doesn't matter. You know, when I text my friend
• 4:52
  in Texas, I just start the sentence where I am in my head.
• 4:55
  It doesn't matter. No salutations, nothing.
• 4:58
  I always kind of joke and say that's how, you know, if you
• 5:00
  have a best friend, can you just start a text in the middle of a
• 5:02
  thought and they're going to get you?
• 5:04
  Yes. But the reason for this and the
• 5:07
  reason we're talking about this today is this is an internal
• 5:11
  game, everybody really internal game, where you have to decide
• 5:16
  that you're going to be comfortable with yourself and
• 5:19
  you're going to be OK being by yourself and not be sad about
• 5:26
  not having a best friend. Because if you are, if you can
• 5:30
  truly answer the question of I'm completely happy and comfortable
• 5:35
  being by myself and I still would like to have connection,
• 5:39
  great. It's not about labeling a best
• 5:42
  friend. It's just about being, hey, I
• 5:43
  just want to have connection. I want to have people I can go
• 5:46
  out with and have a good time and they make time for me and I
• 5:49
  make time for them. Don't put the burden of the
• 5:52
  label on it. A best friend, because nine
• 5:55
  times out of 10, that definition is coming from when we were
• 5:58
  very, very little and oh, you had to have a best friend in
• 6:02
  school, otherwise you were screwed.
• 6:05
  So just make it about connection, and the first level
• 6:08
  of connection is connecting with yourself.
• 6:11
  The very first level is connecting with yourself.
• 6:14
  And if that's not where you are and you're not doing that part,
• 6:17
  then work on that for you first because I promise you,
• 6:20
  everything gets better after that.
• 6:22
  There is nothing as wonderful to me as being, you know, alone.
• 6:27
  And maybe that came from the fact that I am an only child and
• 6:30
  I was able to do that. But when I teach my clients to
• 6:32
  do that and enjoy themselves and be able to take on themselves
• 6:37
  and be their own best friend first boy, it changes how we
• 6:41
  feel about relationships. We become more tolerant of other
• 6:44
  people. We become less label oriented.
• 6:47
  We don't need a best friend. We want connection and that's
• 6:50
  what matters. So I hope this is helpful and I
• 6:54
  will see you guys all tomorrow and have a blessed day.
• 6:56
  Bye.