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10: What is Executive Presence And How it Differs for Women · SisterSmart Leadership

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  Jill Avey: Would you like to have more influence to create the changes
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  that you see need to be made?
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  Like one of my clients: she's a program manager and works in a
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  large hospital system, and all the senior leaders are doctors.
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  They are the most open-minded to the opinions of those
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  under them, shall we say.
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  After intentionally working on her executive presence for quite some
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  time, she sent me an exciting DM to say that her boss finally took
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  her advice on how to run a meeting.
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  In this episode, we're going to decode executive presence and what it actually
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  means and how increasing it will help you increase your influence at all levels.
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  I'm Jill Avey, a career success coach, and this is Sister Smart Leadership, the
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  show that explores how women can rise from director to vice president and beyond
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  by fully leaning into their feminine energy as their biggest advantage.
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  Let's get you one step closer to the recognition and promotion you deserve.
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  Since it's hard to explain, most women don't get direction on executive presence.
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  More than one client has been told that they don't have enough EP,
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  and yet no manager has been able to help them understand what it is and
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  what they need to do to change it.
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  It can be an awkward conversation between a man and a woman as well, given the "Me
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  Too" era that we're in, where men are increasingly sensitive to not wanting to
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  overstep what they're saying to women.
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  And so you can imagine that they are probably hesitant to even
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  have this conversation at all.
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  As well, we don't fit into traditional male leadership models, so it can be hard
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  for people to understand what feminine executive presence looks like, even
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  if they might understand it a little better from a traditional male model.
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  Executive presence can be hard to describe.
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  It's basically that special something about people that tells you that they're
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  in charge when they walk into the room.
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  And what is that like?
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  Even the scholars don't agree on how to explain executive
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  presence, and most of them don't do a very good job of it either.
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  I like the model of Sylvia Ann Hewlett.
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  She describes executive presence as communication,
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  plus gravitas, plus appearance.
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  And I find that to be a really simple model that we can use
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  to get an understanding of what executive presence is.
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  I've got a more complicated model that I use in my Sisters in Leadership program,
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  and we'll cover that in a different video.
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  But for this introductory video, I wanted to stick with the simple model.
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  So we'll just do the communication plus gravitas, plus appearance.
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  A big misconception about executive presence is that it
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  should just come with authority.
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  Like I'm in charge.
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  I have the leadership, don't I?
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  That's not true.
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  Authority does not equal executive presence, unfortunately, because because
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  when we're influencing through our authority, we get what we call compliance.
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  I I think of this as like my cat.
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  You know, he'll do the right thing when I'm in the room, but as soon as
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  we leave the house, the house is his.
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  And it's kind of the same way.
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  When we get compliance with our authority, then we'll find that
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  things aren't being done to how we would like them to be done, not to
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  the standards, not to the timelines.
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  And you'll start to wonder why things aren't happening.
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  Instead, when we can use our executive presence to influence without power,
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  then we gain buy-in and we can start to see alignment and everybody moving
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  in the same direction because they want to, because they've bought into where
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  you're going and how you're leading them.
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  So with executive presence, we can lead at any level and we
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  can lead when we're not there.
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  These are the two main important things.
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  So I'd like to share my screen and show you a little model
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  that we can think about here.
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  We can look at how executive presence changes over time with these quadrants
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  developed by Dagley and Gaskin.
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  So on the two axes, impression versus evaluation, we can say that someone has
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  a dark presence if our initial impression of them is low and it decreases over time.
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  So evaluation is how it changes over time.
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  We all know somebody that fits into this category, don't we?
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  Next, we can have an unsustainable presence if we have a really
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  strong impression, but our impression decreases over time.
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  So this is something that can happen to charismatic leaders and maybe you've known
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  a leader like this where they came off really great, you just love them at first.
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  But then as you got to know them, you found that maybe they
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  weren't that good at their job.
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  Maybe they took the company in a direction that didn't work.
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  These things can really degrade our executive presence.
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  And as well, we have the unexpected presence.
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  And a lot of women fall into this category where their first
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  impression might not be as strong.
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  Also this can happen sometimes with appearance.
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  If your appearance isn't quite up to snuff, then your impression
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  can be a little bit lower when someone first meets you.
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  And then it can rise over time.
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  This is a quadrant that a lot of people are in.
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  Really easy to fix this one.
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  Really easy to make those improvements so that your first
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  impression can be just as strong.
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  Then we have the positive presence.
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  So this is really the quadrant that we're all shooting for, where we have a strong
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  first impression and our impression continues to improve over time, and
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  that people continue to have that strong impression of our presence over time.
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  So, how does executive presence build your influence?
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  So first, it helps you to foster a positive environment and culture.
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  It promotes ownership and accountability in employees.
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  It helps you to win both the hearts and the minds of your followers.
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  People want to follow you when you have good executive presence, and
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  you'll get your message across better because people want to listen to you.
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  You're more inspirational and you'll feel more confident and more in control.
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  I'm reminded of one client who had great results when she
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  worked on her executive presence.
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  She wanted to move up.
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  Yet her skip level manager had given her feedback that she wasn't ready yet.
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  And when she asked why, he cited that she needed to level up her executive presence.
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  So she only needed to shift a few things that made a huge impression.
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  First, she worked on how she spoke up in meetings and then how she
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  prepared for meetings, which also helped her to speak up better.
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  She also shift how she used humor.
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  She used humor to soften her messages, but not to be funny, and she worked
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  on her appearance to level up to be dressing at the next level above
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  her instead of at her current level.
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  And it's worked out really well.
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  At her new job, she was told by one of her colleagues that she had the best executive
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  presence and was asked how she got it.
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  A lot of leadership training is going to tell you that you need to
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  be a certain way to be a leader.
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  You have to fit into the mold that they're describing.
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  And often that mold has been shaped by masculine leadership models that were for
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  centuries, the only leadership models.
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  I don't think this is how women should become better leaders.
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  And in fact, I think it works against them, not for them.
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  The way we define EP is the same for men as it is for women.
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  We all need to have these qualities to lead, but that's
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  where the similarities end.
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  I want to talk about gender for a moment.
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  When I talk about gender, I'm going to be using generalizations.
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  Otherwise, this video would be hours long.
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  Of course, not all women are the same and lots of men have these strengths
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  too, but for the sake of learning, I'm going to talk in general terms
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  and use some stereotypes here.
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  Because of gender bias, it can be harder for women to navigate
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  executive presence because we face a lot of double binds that men don't.
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  Double binds that women face with executive presence.
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  So the first one that always comes to mind for me is the
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  assertive versus aggressive bind.
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  So women are told to ask for what they want.
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  I've heard this my whole entire career.
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  Women need to ask for what they want more.
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  They need to be more assertive and there's assertiveness training, but the problem is
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  for women that can get you into trouble.
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  So here we face a double bind where our gender socialization says that women need
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  to be pleasing and nice, and yet, to be seen as a leader, you need to show teeth
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  sometimes and even use anger at times.
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  So, this is where we have a place to navigate.
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  Our 2nd double bind is appearance versus demeanor.
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  Well, this is really do you show up looking ready for the game?
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  But that's really all it takes for men, but for women, there's a never
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  ending debate about how we look.
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  When I did the research before developing my program, I heard from
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  everyone about how women should look.
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  I heard about necklines too low.
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  I heard about necklines too high.
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  I heard about heels too high.
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  I heard about skirts too short.
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  I heard about too much makeup, hair and accessories, everything.
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  Everyone had an opinion about how women should look.
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  And this is very different from what men deal with.
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  Usually there's a sort of an outfit for whatever workplace.
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  It used to be the suit, but now it can be jeans and a t shirt in some places.
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  There really isn't that much for them to navigate here, but take one look at
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  politics and you can see how much women get criticized by what they wear and what
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  they wear is really first and forefront when people are making a first impression.
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  So the third thing is fake it till you make it confidence.
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  So confidence comes differently for women than men.
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  And this is something that is really important to understand.
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  Women take about 10 years longer than men to really develop their confidence.
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  And it comes from many different areas.
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  So I've identified at least six different areas that confidence comes from.
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  And this fake it till you make it can feel really inauthentic to women.
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  That's just not how we were raised.
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  We were raised to learn and then do.
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  And men are raised to do and learn by doing.
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  And so this works much better for men than it does for women.
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  Our next bind is authenticity because we want to be our
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  authentic selves when we lead.
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  This is very important to build trust.
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  Without authenticity, it's hard to build that trust that you need for your team
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  to perform at the best that it can.
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  Yet, we often feel like we can't bring our whole selves to a workplace.
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  Of course, this depends on the outside pressures that you're
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  facing, and it can be highly culture dependent in your organization.
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  And thankfully, there are a lot more organizations that are
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  embracing diversity and inclusion.
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  And so we are able to bring up more of our authentic selves
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  and have that be embraced.
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  Our next double bind is composure and restraint versus getting angry.
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  So men are allowed to express anger.
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  And in fact, in their gender socialization, they're given a double
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  bind of where we want them to express their feelings, but anger is really
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  the only acceptable form of emotion for men to display in our culture.
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  And for women, it's not okay for us to express anger at all.
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  And yes, sometimes it may be completely appropriate.
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  So this is a place where we want to choose those times when we're expressing
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  anger and express it strategically and thoughtfully rather than blowing up.
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  It's not all bad news, though.
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  Women, on the other hand, are socialized to do really well and other traits
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  since our socialization for us is to look out for the group, a lot of
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  women have executive presence skills that come very naturally to them.
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  What's easier in general for women is first concern: demonstrating
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  interest in others and encouraging adaptive development and promoting a
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  healthy and sustainable work culture.
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  This comes totally naturally to us.
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  Integrity.
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  As Brené Brown defines it, integrity is choosing courage over comfort, choosing
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  what is right over what is fun, fast or easy and choosing to practice our values
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  rather than simply professing them.
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  Choosing courage over comfort.
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  And so integrity is something that also comes more naturally to women.
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  If you look at the statistics for the different corporate
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  scandals, only 8 percent of them have been perpetrated by women.
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  So that's a pretty good track record.
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  So we're not perfect either, but it's definitely better.
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  Humility is our next one.
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  Let's think about humility for a second.
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  A lot of women have a huge strength in humility and that
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  can also hold them back at times.
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  So let's think about what humility really is.
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  It's an awareness of one's strengths and one's weaknesses.
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  It's also an openness to others and a belief that all persons have worth.
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  So this is definitely a strength of women and it's something
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  that we need to use wisely.
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  And not give all the credit to the team is something that can
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  happen a lot with humility.
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  This is where we can bring in our own humility and really be thinking about what
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  are my strengths as well as my weaknesses and that piece of how we treat others.
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  Okay, our next executive presence facet that women are great at is inclusiveness.
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  So we are raised to think about the team and think about
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  how we're impacting others.
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  In inclusiveness, we talk about actively involving others, welcoming diverse
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  points of view, encouraging ownership in the mission and empowering initiative.
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  These are all kinds of things that women are great at because we're
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  raised to always be thinking about the team and the group.
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  Intentionality is our next one.
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  Clarifying direction and keeping action aligned.
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  That's keeping everybody together and moving in the same direction, all
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  without stifling dissent and also without neglecting the needs to adjust course.
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  So, you know, I think, I mean, aren't moms the perfect example of this?
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  You know, you're corralling the kids and getting them all going in one direction.
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  So we really have these innate skills to be doing this.
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  Finding your authentic executive presence is important and feeling
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  secure in it is even more important.
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  So as one of our clients, Carissa, who you might've met in a previous episode, said
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  that when she was taught in her company's leadership program to shake hands
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  like a man, she bristled against that.
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  She said, if I have a soft handshake and that's how I shake hands, I
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  don't want to feel bad about that.
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  So you decide what your executive presence is going to look like and
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  how you want to navigate these double binds that I just talked about.
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  Once you understand the double binds, you can decide to walk on the side of
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  aggressive, when the situation calls for it, and you can decide to lean into your
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  humility and integrity at other times.
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  Finding your authentic leadership style can empower
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  your success and upward growth.
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  Developing our executive presence is different for women as well.
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  So the most important thing to do is to first understand yourself as a leader.
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  So doing a deep dive and really understanding what your strengths
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  are and what you're bringing into the role that you're in.
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  So in my program, we use a 15 point executive presence model.
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  So there are plenty of ways that you can find what's authentic
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  to you in those 15 points.
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  And then accept that you aren't going to be for everyone and
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  optimize on what suits for you.
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  Finally, I would like to give you the suggestion to learn how
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  to soften things with humor.
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  So if you want to apply a little aggression or even a little anger, then
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  learn how to soften that with humor or levity afterwards, because nothing can
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  take the tone down like a, you know, a good smile afterwards, or a little bit
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  of a, a softening a phrase where, you know, you can soften things and really
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  bringing warmth to every discussion that can really make a big difference
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  on how things are received from people.
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  And it, it will cut down the sharp elbow connotation that we often
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  get labeled with as women leaders.
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  So those are some ways that you can get started today in
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  developing your executive presence.
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  Finding your authentic leadership style can empower your success in upward growth.
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  I like to end each episode with three things you can do today
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  to get started on this topic.
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  So for your three shifts today, what are your feminine leadership
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  skills that you can emphasize?
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  Concern, integrity, humility, inclusiveness, or intentionality
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  are all great places to start.
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  Who do you see around you that exemplifies what you would like to have in your
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  own executive presence and identify a mentor that can help you develop
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  your executive presence further?
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  If you want to improve your executive presence, let me know
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  in the comments if you can relate to any of these double binds.
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  Have you ever been told or heard of another woman being told that
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  you're being too aggressive?
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  Have people had opinions about how you dress?
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  Have you ever felt less confident than your male counterparts?
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  Let us know in the comments if you're watching this on YouTube.
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  If you'd like to learn more about how to increase your executive
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  presence, download our executive presence guide for women leaders, 10
• 16:09
  strategies for commanding the room.
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  Each one is something you can implement today.
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  And the link is in the show notes.
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  If you want to dive deeper into women's leadership and how to
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  move up in your career, subscribe either on YouTube or wherever you
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  listen to your favorite podcasts.
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  I'm on a mission to help more women get into leadership and stay there.
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  And if that's aligned with you, I'd love to have you part of this community
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  and tune into more episodes on sister smart leadership that will support you
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  in becoming the leader you want to be.
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  Thank you for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.
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  If you're ready to fully lean into your feminine leadership and get promoted
• 16:45
  from director to vice president and beyond, hit that subscribe button so
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  you'll get all the episodes to come and check out the recommended video here
• 16:54
  to see how women are rising up without playing by the old rules that built these
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  male dominated industries and systems.