Latest / All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr / The Frazzled Parents Guide to Less Stress with Kristen Evans

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The Frazzled Parents Guide to Less Stress with Kristen Evans · All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Purposely, your life, God's purpose. More podcasts at Purposely.com. And
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: when we say no, you know, even to our child
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: about doing an extracurricular activity, in the long run, they
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: are going to be happier because that's more time they
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: get to spend fully present. And so that is another simple, simple,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: easy way to lower our stress.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: If there is one word that sometimes describes how you
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: likely feel, how I often feel, it's the word frazzled.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad you're here, friend. I'm Julie Liles Carr.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: This is the All Mom Does podcast, part of the
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Purposely Podcast Network. And my friend Kristen Faith Evans is
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: back on today because she wants to really help moms
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: and she knows how many of us truly just feel frazzled.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Frazzled.
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  Speaker 2: I love that word because it just captures all of
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: it so well. The feeling of you've got to be
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: 10 places at once, you're spending a million plates.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Frazzled is definitely on the emotional dashboard for me today.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: So I want you to welcome Kristen. Kristen, thanks so
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: much for.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: Being here today.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much, Julie.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Now, you've been on in the past with your husband
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: talking about marriage, but give the listener a little reboot,
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: a little refresh as to where you are, what you do,
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: where you live, all that.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. Yeah, so when we had our second child, Bethany Grace,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I began to experience stress levels that I never could
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: have imagined. And where this story for this book begins
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: is I declined into a mental health crisis because I
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: didn't know how to cope with the stress. So I
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: began my journey of being determined to learn how to
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: cope with the stress because our family was suffering. And
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I began my own personal journey of therapy, learning how
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: to cope. And then I decided I wanted to help others.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: So I went back to graduate school, got my master's
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: in social work. I'm a licensed master social worker and
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: begin to research. And I continued. I just came to
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: a place I wanted to full-time learn how to help
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: other parents, other moms learn how to cope with stress.
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  Speaker 2: It is one of the top things that I hear
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: moms talk about is just the stress level because you're
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: not only trying to get to a place where you
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: can regulate yourself, but you do have kids who are
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: needing you to be the person to model for them
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: what regulation looks like. And when we're struggling in that way,
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: it means they're going to struggle too because You know, Kristen,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I love that you're so open about talking about the
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: struggles that you've been through because.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: You love Jesus deeply.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that I have found in
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: so many times and places and seasons of my life
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: is people who are following God who feel like they're
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: doing something wrong. If they are experiencing stress, if they
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: are grappling with emotions that they don't know what to
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: do with.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I got tickled.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: I saw recently a meme where it's this incredibly frazzled
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  Speaker 2: looking Barbie, hair just fried, sitting up, looking like this
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Barbie has been through it. And she says something along
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: the lines of, oh, hey, are we still telling Christians
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: that they should just push through their, you know.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Postpartum depression.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: And the next picture, her again, frazzled plastic smile on
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: her face. Hey, are we still telling people who follow
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: God that they should never, ever experience this kind of
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  Speaker 2: feeling or that kind of feeling?
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  Speaker 3: And I thought, oh, this is right in the.
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  Speaker 2: Center of what Kristen and I are going to be
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: talking about.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Why do you think it is.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: That we still, 2026, are so resistant to being just
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: honest about the human experience? Why are we still in
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: this place that we sometimes have this undercurrent of, well,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: if you really follow God, if you really love Jesus,
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: then you're never going to feel this way or that
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: way or the other.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Can you unpack that for me a little bit?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. A big part of it is we are so
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  Speaker 1: polarized between the church and faith and the mental health community.
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  Speaker 1: And just there is just a small fraction of churches
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  Speaker 1: and ministries that are beginning to work to educate both
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  Speaker 1: ways because it's not only what we know with our
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  Speaker 1: faith research shows faith and mental health are interlaced you
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  Speaker 1: cannot separate the two and when we struggle with our
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  Speaker 1: mental health we struggle in our faith we struggle with
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  Speaker 1: shame we're told if you pray more your faith is
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  Speaker 1: weak um you know you just need to have faith
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  Speaker 1: god will heal you well mental health disorders are a
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  Speaker 1: health neurological chemical disorder um And we're, you know, we
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  Speaker 1: can be told in the faith community and even in society,
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  Speaker 1: it's not just the faith community. The stigma is still
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  Speaker 1: very real, even in the secular society. And there, there
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  Speaker 1: is a big jaded stigma. There's this disconnect and we
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: have to help the church and the mental health community
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  Speaker 1: come together because ultimately we Even if you're not a Christian, spiritually,
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  Speaker 1: if there's a disconnect there, we're not going to recover.
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  Speaker 1: We're not going to be whole.
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  Speaker 2: I think that we are hopefully making some strides. And
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: then every now and then I'll get surprised by an
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: attitude that I hear or somebody saying something that I think, whoa,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: give me a snapshot of what you know today about
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: the community of faith. the levels of stress, anxiety, overwhelm,
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  Speaker 2: like what's the data around what's happening there? Because I
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: think hopefully this will help put into perspective just how
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: big an.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: Issue we're talking about.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think we realize because we're afraid to
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  Speaker 1: be honest, but the studies, I have over 250 professional
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  Speaker 1: research studies and specifically on stress in parents. And When
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: I began to write this book, I knew it was needed.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: But then I began to read the research, you know,
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: from the CDC and, you know, mental health organizations. And
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  Speaker 1: I was astounded by the research. 80% of parents feel overwhelmed.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: And a majority of parents feel so overwhelmed, they have
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: a hard time functioning. On a daily basis. It's unreal.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: And so I began to become even more passionate about
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: this book. And I was like, oh my goodness, why?
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  Speaker 1: Why in the mental health of parents is declining? The
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: level of depression and anxiety, especially anxiety, is increasing in parents.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: And so I began to dig in to why? And
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  Speaker 1: what helps?
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  Speaker 3: What did you find? What do you think is at
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: the core of this?
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  Speaker 2: Because again, when I look back, I think about, for example,
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  Speaker 2: my grandmother in her early adulthood and when she had
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: my mom. She was born in the beginning of World
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: War I. She came into adulthood in World War II
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: and had my mom. And you know, all of the
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: upheaval of being part of the Great Depression and then
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: all of the unknown of World War II and all
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: these young men she had grown up with who were
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: going off to war and all these different things. And
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: certainly she experienced anxiety and stress in her lifetime, for sure.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: But when I look at today and I think, okay,
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  Speaker 2: we've got all these modern conveniences, we have access to
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  Speaker 2: news and media, so we shouldn't be getting as surprised
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  Speaker 2: as waiting for the morning headline, you had no idea
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  Speaker 2: what was happening until the newspaper arrived on your doorstep.
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  Speaker 3: I keep thinking, I'm trying to.
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  Speaker 2: Figure out, she lived in such a complex world with
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  Speaker 2: far fewer resources and just the physical labor of being
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  Speaker 2: a mom in her era was 10X. And yet here
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  Speaker 2: we have a generation of parents, and this is not
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: to shame anybody. I'm really curious to understand when I
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  Speaker 2: look comparatively at that, I think, okay, what's going on?
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  Speaker 2: Are we just wimps? Are we just like, and I
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: don't think that's the case. I know people are facing
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  Speaker 2: tremendous challenges and I'm not at all trying to shame
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  Speaker 2: anybody for the emotional response they're having. I'm just trying
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  Speaker 2: to get my head around, okay, so what is going
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  Speaker 2: on generationally here? What did you find as you looked
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  Speaker 2: at these 250 different studies as to what's going on?
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  Speaker 1: There are so many factors that are compounding and exponentially increasing,
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  Speaker 1: bouncing back, interconnected. One of the biggest factors is our
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  Speaker 1: coping skills have not kept up with the demands we
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  Speaker 1: are facing. I will say, you know, technology is talked
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: about a lot. It's true. A lot of it is
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: how our brains are being rewired. Progressively, we have become
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  Speaker 1: more and more and more like we're on call. We
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  Speaker 1: get a text message, the expectation. that we need to respond. People,
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  Speaker 1: the expectations of others, they expect a, you know, a
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  Speaker 1: prompt response. You get an email. You're always on call.
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  Speaker 1: The increasing demands of that are placed on us especially
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  Speaker 1: as moms in the many roles we have the fast-paced
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  Speaker 1: society and so it compounds because our children's health and
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  Speaker 1: mental health is suffering and then we feel even more
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  Speaker 1: guilty taking time to care for ourselves and what is
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  Speaker 1: happening is our bodies are in a chronic stress response.
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  Speaker 1: And when our bodies are in a chronic stress response,
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  Speaker 1: that begins to impact our health. When I'm talking to
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  Speaker 1: moms who say, I feel guilty taking time for myself,
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  Speaker 1: I don't have time for myself. You know, as a
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  Speaker 1: mom of a complex daughter who I full-time care give
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  Speaker 1: and coordinate her care, I have always felt like, or
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  Speaker 1: up until a couple years ago, that I can't, you know, it's, it's,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I've got to get her in the therapy and I
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: didn't take care of myself. And so what I tell
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  Speaker 1: moms who feel guilty, they feel like if they take
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: time for their, their selves, they're taking time away from
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  Speaker 1: spending time with their children. And what I explain is
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  Speaker 1: lower your stress, improve your child's health, because a lot
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  Speaker 1: of times that's the only motivation that really gets us
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  Speaker 1: to the point of, oh, it'll help my child. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: then I'll do this. because the less stressed we are,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: better able, we're able to be fully present with them.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: And children mirror our emotions. And when we become anxious
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  Speaker 1: and stressed, that actually increases. Yeah, they do too. They
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: read us. Yeah, which affects their health overall. So yeah,
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  Speaker 1: it's our stress levels, the chronic stress response.
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  Speaker 2: I can see it in myself, Kristen, that I would
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: have told you, six, seven years ago. I mean, I
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: was spinning a gajillion plates. And I can actually look
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: back at pictures of myself and see the level of stress.
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  Speaker 2: The way that stress showed up for me was in
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  Speaker 2: inflammation and in just, I mean, and it's wild to
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: look back and correlate what that looked like compared with
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: what I knew was going on in the background. And
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: there were things that I just had to gut through
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: during certain periods of time. But there were things where
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: I was also sort of just saying, well, this is
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: just how it is. This is just, it's going to
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: be this handful of hours of bad sleep and it's
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: going to be this and that and the other, not
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: correlating what was happening to necessarily the people around me
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: that I love who were only getting this reduced version
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: of myself. What's one of the top things that a
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: mom can do today, a simple top thing she can
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  Speaker 2: do to start releasing some of the stress?
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: So the goal is to activate the parasympathetic nervous system
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  Speaker 1: because we're in we're in that chronic stress state the
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: sympathetic nervous system um is is is activated chronically so
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: there are it's not like we have to take a
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: whole half a day or you know this is extreme
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: but go to the spa i mean that's fantastic to
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: have those breaks which we need if possible um but
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: it takes it can take two minutes a day, literally
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: three or four times out, you know, throughout the day, very,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: very simple exercises. And that's why I'm so passionate about
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: guiding moms in these practical exercises that you can do anywhere. So,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: you know, we talk about deep breathing because it is
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: extremely effective, but we don't know how to breathe properly
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: when we're stressed. we use our chest and breathe with
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: our chest, well, we don't get enough oxygen. We don't
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: fill our lungs enough to exhale properly. So learning, the
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: basic of learning how to do deep breathing of filling
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: or using our diaphragm, filling our abdomen like we're inflating
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: a balloon through our nose. and then exhaling through our
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: mouth like we're blowing bubbles, slowly and longer. Do that
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  Speaker 1: three times. It literally lowers your heart rate, your blood pressure,
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  Speaker 1: your emotions. It calms your thoughts. And doing that five
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: minutes or a total of five or six minutes throughout
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: the day can literally activate your parasympathetic nervous system. That
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: is the most basic. There's other simple things. One of
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: my catch, you know, just one of my advice is
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: say no to yes. You know, our kids say, mom,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: I want to do soccer or mom, I want to
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: go to this. And we don't want to disappoint your child,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: upset her child. But in the long run, when we
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: say no to yeses and take a pause, even just say,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: you know what? Let me think about it and get
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: back to you. especially when, you know, we're asked to
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: play in the games for a party, you know, at school.
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  Speaker 1: We take that pause and then we'll come back and
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  Speaker 1: say yes. And a lot of times we come back
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: and say no. And when we say no, you know,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: even to our child about, do any extracurricular activity, in
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: the long run, they are going to be happier because
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: that's more time they get to spend fully present. And
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: so that is another simple, simple, easy way to lower
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: our stress.
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: You think that you are in the final round of
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: getting all this parenting done. You've got kids who are
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: in high school. You're starting to think about college. And
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: you're thinking, this is it. I'm Julie Lyle's car. I
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: am a podcaster and I'm a mom of eight. And
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: here's what I want you to know about George Fox university.
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: It's a different way of doing college. Why?
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: Because yes, it's all.
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: About getting a fantastic degree to set your kid up
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: for their future.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: They have 60.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Undergrad programs available at George Fox university, but.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: That's not where the story ends.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: It's also about equipping them spiritually.
• 16:37
  Speaker 4: If you get out of college with a degree, but
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: you don't have a closer relationship with God, that obviously
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: is going to deeply impact what your young adult life
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: looks like.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: So for your kiddos, I want you to consider what
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: would it mean.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: For your child to be able to go to George Fox.
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: University, where 93% of George Fox students say they now
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: have a closer relationship with Jesus.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: George Fox University is located in the Pacific Northwest in Oregon.
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: They have 23 Division III athletic programs, and 100% of
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: students at George Fox University receive financial aid. George Fox
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: University is dedicated to their promise. They want every student
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: to be known for who God created them to be.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: So listen, parents, yeah, you are.
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: Getting into some of those final laps, but you definitely
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: want to make these last laps count in a big way.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: When it comes to the legacy of your parenting.
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: So be sure and check out for your student, georgefox.edu.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: That's georgefox.edu.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: I found myself, as you were explaining the breathing exercise,
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: doing it myself, realizing that I was doing very, I
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: was very shallow.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: I was up here and I was like, oh, listen
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: to Kristen's sweet, calm voice. That's right. Take a deep breath.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Let it out.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: That's great.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: And two, I find it's so interesting now in retrospect
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: to look back, Kristen, and realize there were things that
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: my kids asked to do that I immediately said yes
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: to because I wanted to, I had those voices in
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: my head and I appreciate this. I've known parents who say, hey,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I want to say yes everywhere I can so that
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: when I have to say no. My kid doesn't always
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: feel like, oh, you know, mom never lets me do anything.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: And I really grabbed on to that statement. I think
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: there's good truth and wisdom in that statement. However, there
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: were times that I was far too quick to allow
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: the urgency of a last minute sign up for this
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: and not thinking through all of what that was going
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: to mean on the calendar or a friend or some,
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: you know, another parent in the classroom or part of
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: the dance group or whatever the thing was to calling, hey,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I need to know today if you can do X, Y, Z,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: and me adopting their urgency as if this was somehow
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: now my responsibility. So I think there are some of
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: us who have a predilection for over-responsibility. You're already being
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: a responsible parent, but then there is that place in
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: some of us, whether it comes from people pleasing, whether
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: it comes from birth order, whether it comes from the
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: personality God's given us, that we tend to jump in
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: and feel like someone else's problem is ours to solve.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: And that's how we're going to serve. And that's how
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: we're going to take care of.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: People and on and on and on.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: It has been a long road for me to learn
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: balance in that way. And to recognize the stress that
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: comes from something that is not even anything that I
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: generated or I started, but I signed up for before
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I thought through. So I love that advice. Hey, If
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: something has to be immediate, maybe it should just be
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: an automatic no until you build in that 24-hour window
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: or whatever the thing is. I don't know exactly what
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: a mom might need to do in order to. correct
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: this in herself. But for me, it probably would have
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: been very good for me to have said, I'm going
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: to need 24 hours. I think that would have been
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: a very helpful thing. Not convenient for the other person,
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: but probably better for me and for serving my family well.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: You want to help us distinguish.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: There are some terms that have gotten co-opted that I
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: think it's unfortunate that they've gotten co-opted because people will say, oh,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: that's kind of a new agey term or that's a
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: this or a that. And yet they happen to be
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: phrases that we often can find biblically. They can be
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: based on biblical precept and we're just ignoring or pushing
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: them away because we're worried it's going to take us
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: down a bad path. And can I just encourage the listener, hey,
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: you've got the Holy Spirit in you.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: You've got discernment. It is okay.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: So I want you to talk me through, because I
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: think this is something that sometimes gets ignored in faith circles,
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: what it means to be mindful, what mindfulness is from
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: a Christ lens when it comes to what we're letting
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: in our hearts, what's happening with our emotions, what we're
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: signing on for. And I hope that people can listen
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: with an openness to go, okay, what does it mean
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: to be mindful of through the way Jesus means for
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: us to be mindful, because I find places all over
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: scripture where he talks about this. So talk us through
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: and talk us through that helps us on this topic
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: of anxiety, worry, stress.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I am so glad you brought this up, Julie. And
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: I typically preface, especially in Christian communities, you hear that,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: you think Eastern, you think yoga. It is actually, like
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: you said, biblical. Jesus taught us to be in the moment,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: not to worry about today, today or, you know, or tomorrow.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: He was mindful. He went away to pray and to
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: have that space. Now, we often don't have that space.
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: So Christ centered mindfulness. We are so mindfulness, which is
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: one of. the most effective ways to lower stress and
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: anxiety and depression. We are present in the moment where
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: we are. Literally the room we're in, what's happening. We're
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: not thinking about our to-do list. We're not thinking about
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: what happened yesterday. We are present in our bodies and
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: our minds and aware of Jesus, God's spirit, He is
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: there present with us. He is within us. He is
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: where we are. And, you know, we a lot of
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: times separate our bodies, minds, and souls. A lot of
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: times we are not present in our bodies. We are
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: not present in our minds. We certainly have a very
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: difficult time being present in all three. And the ancient
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Hebrew word for body actually means mind, spirit, and body,
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: one whole being. And so my passion is first explaining
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: this is actually not an Eastern. I mean, there's a
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: lot of that's where in contemporary society, that's where it
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: has come. It's actually, it goes back to biblical. It's
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: an ancient Christian tradition, excuse me, to be fully present.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: And so one of my favorite activity, you know, ways
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: to lower our stress is to be in the present
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: moment with Christ. The activity is to clench our fists
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: with what that one worry is, what that one fear is,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: and then we release it to him. And that is
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: being whole. and in the present moment. And that not
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: only deepens our faith, helps us be present with Jesus
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: and the Holy Spirit, it actually lowers our stress level
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: and improves our mental health. Yeah, yeah.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: I do think there are times as moms that we
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: sort of have to check out on what the physical
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: discomfort is. If you yourself are sick and you're having
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: to take care of a child who's sick, you're having
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: to kind of check out on how you're physically feeling.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I know when my second grandchild was born, That was
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: amazing and wonderful. And we also were going through something
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: back at the house with one of our pets that
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: was really difficult and challenging. And I was back and
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: forth between helping take care of my daughter and this
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: new baby and coming back over here and dealing with
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: all kinds of stuff at the house and on and on.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: And I noticed at some point, Kristen, that I had
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: this pain in my foot, but I was ignoring it.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: I was ignoring it. There was too much going on.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: This got into day five or day six of all
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: of this that was happening all at the same time,
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: both all kinds of things that were wonderful and all
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: kinds of things that were hard. And I happened to
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: be swapping out socks and reached down and realized I
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: had stepped on a little bead at some point five
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: or six days earlier that I had continued to ignore,
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: ignore for five or six days. And it was just
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: wild to realize how much it actually hurt, how much
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: I'd been walking around on.
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: This all this time.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: I think it's a great metaphor for sometimes what happens
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: in our mom lives is that, yes, there are moments
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: and times that it probably is really important for us
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: to have that superpower of sort of ignoring what's going
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: on physically. so that we can attend to what needs
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: to happen. The problem is when we're living in it consistently.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: And even to this day, I have this weird little
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: callus on the bottom of my foot from walking around
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: on that beach for five days, six days, however long
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: it was. And so I think that there is something
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: really powerful in recognizing that for some of us, particularly
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: if we have been operating for long periods of time
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: without sleep, without rest, in physical discomfort, on and on,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: you know, our bodies talk to us. They tell us things.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: God designed us to pay attention. And when we feel stress,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: we don't just feel it emotionally. We feel it in
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: our bodies. What have you learned about how frazzled we
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: become when we're ignoring the physical part of our experience?
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad you brought up that we oftentimes are
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: trying to separate out body, mind, and spirit when God,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: at least on this planet, put us together in this
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: way to experience the world in this way. And it's
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: not about trying to separate it all out. It's about
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: experiencing life as this whole human being in this form.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: So what are you realizing about how moms have this superpower,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: but the problem that it causes and what that all
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: looks like physically for us?
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's so important with beginning to reduce our stress
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: and become healthy. A lot of times we're actually not
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: aware of physical pain especially emotional pain we may be
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: trying to push it away but the irony is when
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: we do that it actually increases in power and affects
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: us even more and so one of the simplest ways
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: we can begin to reconnect and be in our minds
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: and our bodies and spirits it's called progressive muscle relaxation
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: and It's been shown to be one of the most
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: effective ways to lower stress and become healthy. And so
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I teach this every time I speak and everything I write.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: And I just lead people through it. It's basically you
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: can do this anywhere. You can do it one minute.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: You can do it 30 minutes. It's beginning with your
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: toes and tensing your muscles and becoming aware, scanning your
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: body with one part. And noticing, wow, there's something hurting
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: on my toe. And just praying throughout. You move throughout
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: your body, tensing those muscles, becoming aware. And our bodies
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: are trying to tell us. Our emotions are screaming. And
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: we begin to realize the emotions we're holding in our shoulders,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: our backs. There's anxious thoughts that are causing that. Our
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: minds impact our bodies, our actions, our actions impact our emotions.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: And so when we begin to tense each body part
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: and move throughout and scan and pray about it, not
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: only when we tense our muscles and become aware of
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: our bodies and emotions, when we release, it lowers that
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: stress response. It tells our brains, it's okay, the threat
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: is gone. And Here's an example. We get to our
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: shoulders and we become aware of all that stress, maybe
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: that emotional pain, those thoughts, those anxious thoughts. Well, Jesus
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: said he doesn't want us to be burdened. Now, that
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: was more of a spiritual application lesson. I apply it
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: to the mental load we're carrying. And so as we
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: tense our shoulders and those emotions in our neck, and
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: we release, Jesus, please take this burden of this anxious thought.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: We tense and we release those thoughts to Jesus. And
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: we're whole. We're in our emotions. It's worth noting, too,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: that when Jesus said he didn't want our burdens to
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: be heavy, that his yoke is light, he was using
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: a physical descriptor so that we could imagine the emotional relief.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Of not having something so heavy across us, including our
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: physical shoulders. Well, Kristen, I just love how you've unpacked
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: all this for us. I'm so excited for you for
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: this new book. Again, the title is The Frazzled Parent's
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: Guide to Less Stress.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: I am so thrilled that you are talking us through.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: I so appreciate you breathing with us and reminding us
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: to release those muscles along with the spiritual application of
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: what all of this means. Where can the listener go
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: to find out more about you, all the great things
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: that you do, find the book, all of that?
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Yes. So my website is KristenFaithEvans.com. And also I have created.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: lots of professional resources, practical resources on disabilityparenting.com, a blog,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: lots of, you know, practical. We're at other Kristen Faith
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: Evans on Instagram, but also at Disability Parenting. That is
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: the best way you can find me. And the book,
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: there's a link on my website to go to Penguin
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Random House that gives you more information about And all
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: the links. It's available to order. You reserve your copy.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: It's an audio, which I'm thrilled to have been able
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: to record myself and literally guide readers through this. And
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: so that's where you can find me. I would love
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: to hear from you. I would love to hear from
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: listeners in any way I can help.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: Absolutely. Well, Kristen, you're just the best. Thanks for being
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: on the show again.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: I so appreciate your time and all the best as
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: you help all of us just figure out how to
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: go from frazzled to a lot more relaxed.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Julie.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: All right, listener, check out those show notes. The team's
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: going to put together those links for you so you
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: can go right to what Kristen's been talking about and
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: all the great resources that she offers.
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: Hey, grab the link from this show.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: Make sure you subscribe and then grab the link and
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: send it to a friend who you know, would really
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: benefit from having these very practical ways to help lower
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: stress in the middle of really busy seasons in times
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: of feeling really frazzled. Also check out almond does almond does.com
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: and almond does on the socials, because you're going to
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: find a great community there of women, just like you
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: trying to figure out all the things. I love it.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: When you come say hi to me over on Instagram,
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: you hear me say it every week.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: Come say hi, slip in those DMS, tell me the
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: topics and the guests and the questions that you have.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: because that is how we build the show just for you.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: And I'll see you next time here on the All
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Mom Does podcast.