Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why is No Contact With A Narcissist so hard?

Transcript

Why is No Contact With A Narcissist so hard? · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So why is no contact with a narcissist such a tough thing to
• 0:05
  do? Why is it so hard for people to
• 0:07
  just cut ties with this person and be and call the relate, call
• 0:11
  it quits with a narcissistic person in a in a toxic
• 0:15
  relationship overall in general? That's what we're talking about
• 0:19
  today, y'all. Of course, if you're new here,
• 0:21
  my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist
• 0:23
  myself. Here to give you an inside look
• 0:26
  at the mind of a narcissist and how a narcissist mind really,
• 0:29
  really works in these times right here.
• 0:32
  But also help survivors and thrivers too though, y'all.
• 0:34
  So let's take, let's let's hop right into it.
• 0:36
  No look, no buffer, no waiting around, no nothing.
• 0:40
  First off, y'all narcissistic people make it extremely
• 0:44
  difficult to leave. I'm just going to keep it hot.
• 0:46
  Look, I got to keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's
• 0:48
  pizza right here. Narcissistic people absolutely
• 0:52
  will make it difficult for you to leave them.
• 0:54
  And this is just the crux of it because I, like I myself as a
• 0:59
  diagnosed narcissist, have some true abandonment issues, right?
• 1:03
  I don't want people to leave me. I hate when people leave me.
• 1:06
  I hate the thought of people leaving me.
• 1:07
  Because if I have nobody else around, then I can't get that
• 1:10
  validation. Then I can't get that
• 1:12
  narcissistic supply. Then I can't get I, I, I damn,
• 1:16
  they make me feel. It makes it feel pointless to go
• 1:18
  on, right? Narcissists have extreme
• 1:22
  problems with self validation. So if they are, if you are
• 1:26
  dealing with them and you are in a relationship with them,
• 1:29
  they're going to use you for their validation.
• 1:31
  So they're going to make it extremely difficult to leave.
• 1:34
  They're going to give you everything that you want at
• 1:37
  first, right up front at first over or it could be over an
• 1:40
  extended period of time. They're going to love bomb the
• 1:42
  hell out of you, right? To make it extremely hard to
• 1:46
  leave them to make you feel bad. If you yeah, if you have the
• 1:49
  thought of leaving them or wanting to leave them, they're
• 1:51
  going to make you feel bad about it.
• 1:53
  You make they'll make you feel bad about wanting to leave them
• 1:56
  for something horrible that they've done to you.
• 1:58
  And does it work? Yeah, it it absolutely.
• 2:02
  It absolutely works. This one of those things right
• 2:04
  here that happens to so many people, so many, so many
• 2:07
  survivors that you get in a meshed immersed in this
• 2:11
  relationship with this narcissistic person and they
• 2:15
  y'all, they just throw it on you.
• 2:16
  They put it on look, they lay it all up front for you.
• 2:19
  They lay it over, they go over the top with it.
• 2:21
  They do so many different things to you, around you, about you,
• 2:25
  for you just to make your life peaceful.
• 2:29
  They make your life happy. Like like they complete you.
• 2:32
  They complete your life at 1st and then they start taking
• 2:35
  pieces away from you, right? That's what ends up happening to
• 2:38
  so many people. A narcissist makes you feel
• 2:40
  complete, then they start taking pieces away from you to make you
• 2:44
  feel incomplete, Right. So when the relationship is
• 2:46
  over, and it's this, it is, the relationship has reached its
• 2:49
  peak. It has reached its climax.
• 2:52
  Like Usher said, we've reached the climax.
• 2:56
  You don't. It's hard to let that go.
• 2:59
  It is so many, there's so many creators out there.
• 3:03
  They just when they when the relationship is over with a
• 3:05
  narcissist and you're asking how to heal, one thing that they'll
• 3:08
  tell you just move on. Just block them.
• 3:10
  Go no contact. Like it's easy.
• 3:13
  Like it's an easy thing to do. And did I used to be one of
• 3:16
  those, one of those creators? Absolutely yes.
• 3:19
  I was absolutely one of those creators that would tell you to
• 3:22
  move on and really, really fast. I would say if you don't get
• 3:25
  your ass out of that relationship and go heal and
• 3:27
  grow and thrive, what are you doing right?
• 3:30
  I was one of those people, but I didn't understand the inter
• 3:34
  dynamics of how how tough it is in a relationship with an
• 3:38
  artist. I didn't realize how deep it
• 3:40
  got, how deeply embedded they got into your life.
• 3:42
  So it's hard to cut somebody off that you've been with for 40
• 3:46
  years, Yo, come on now. It's hard to cut somebody off
• 3:50
  that you've been dealing with or in a relationship with for 40
• 3:54
  years, for 10 years, for five years.
• 3:57
  If this person, if y'all have kids to this person, business is
• 4:00
  with this person, life experiences with this person.
• 4:02
  Yeah, yeah, it's going to be tough.
• 4:04
  Be easy to yourself. Be not easy.
• 4:08
  Be kind to yourself, please. So many people get in the habit
• 4:14
  of beating themselves up and it when you're dealing with a
• 4:16
  narcissistic person because they because you want you, because
• 4:21
  you don't know in your brain you just like, maybe I could have
• 4:25
  did this. Maybe I could have done that.
• 4:26
  Maybe I could have said this. Maybe I could have said that.
• 4:28
  Maybe I could have tried harder. You did everything you could do.
• 4:32
  And sometimes y'all right? Sometimes it it's it's not
• 4:37
  enough because nothing you do for a narcissist will ever be
• 4:40
  enough. So yeah, it's hard.
• 4:44
  You got to go understand that you can't just turn your
• 4:48
  feelings off. Let's be real with it.
• 4:51
  You can't just 86 your your feelings and turn them damn
• 4:55
  things off like nothing happened like this person didn't exist.
• 4:58
  That's not how your mind works. That's not how it should work,
• 5:02
  right? Your mind shouldn't work like
• 5:04
  this to where you can turn your feelings off.
• 5:06
  You're not a narcissist, are you?
• 5:09
  I'm just joking. Give yourself some space and
• 5:14
  some grace to heal. Like seriously, so many people
• 5:17
  out here or dealing with abusive, manipulative, toxic ass
• 5:22
  narcissistic people, right? And when you are trying to go no
• 5:26
  contact with them, everything around you reminds you of them.
• 5:31
  Like let's just say you go no contact with your narcissist,
• 5:33
  you and your your narcissistic ex, right?
• 5:36
  You in the room cleaning and they just happen to love Kobe
• 5:38
  Bryant. Are you not going to be
• 5:45
  triggered? Are you not going to miss them
• 5:49
  in that moment? They love Kobe, right?
• 5:52
  They love blue hats. They blue is their favorite
• 5:56
  color. Like they a Carolina fan.
• 5:58
  So the balls are Carolina blue in here, right?
• 6:00
  It's my sons room by the way, Y'all everybody got it.
• 6:02
  I can't. I have no other rooms to fill
• 6:03
  me. I got to film my sons from ain't
• 6:05
  crazy. But yeah, this is where it goes.
• 6:09
  I'm just telling you, you got to be prepared for this type of
• 6:11
  stuff right here. You have to understand that
• 6:14
  narcissistic, toxic ass people are going to continuously do the
• 6:17
  same type of thing over and over and over again.
• 6:20
  Because at the end of the at the end of the day, it benefits them
• 6:24
  greatly to do this. It benefits them to behave this
• 6:27
  way. It benefits them to act this
• 6:29
  way. It benefits them to just treat
• 6:31
  you a certain type of way to keep you stuck to them.
• 6:34
  And you have to understand that they're going to be a lot of
• 6:36
  things that trigger you when you or when a relationship is over
• 6:40
  the the something something like you going to look at like y'all,
• 6:42
  you might go outside, you might be taking the trash out one day.
• 6:45
  You like trash day is Thursday, right?
• 6:47
  It's Thursday morning. You wake up you feeling great,
• 6:50
  you feeling amazing on Thursday. You like, I've been no for a
• 6:53
  whole 3 months. I feel amazing.
• 6:56
  Let me go take the trash out and you're pulling the you put you
• 7:00
  wrap your hands around the trash can, the little the little bar
• 7:03
  at the top. You're rolling it down and you
• 7:06
  look at the trash can and you be like, damn, this trash reminds
• 7:10
  me of them. Damn, even even the trash
• 7:21
  reminds you of them and you going to miss them.
• 7:24
  You going to miss them. The smell of this trash is they
• 7:27
  they they have horrible hygiene they stink the trash can stinks,
• 7:30
  they stink. You see what I'm saying?
• 7:32
  But this is this is a not everybody wants to talk about
• 7:34
  this stuff right here, right, because it could be a tough
• 7:36
  subject to talk about. It could be a tough subject to
• 7:39
  discuss right, but you're going to miss them understand.
• 7:43
  It's understandable that you miss a person that you be spent
• 7:45
  time with you shared a life with this person.
• 7:48
  It's understandable to to it's going to be difficult to go down
• 7:51
  contact, especially y'all. Especially when, like I say,
• 7:55
  y'all have been together for a long time.
• 7:57
  Y'all had plans for the future, and now those plans have
• 8:00
  seemingly died overnight, right? Damn.
• 8:02
  Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's understandable to
• 8:04
  feel that way. Seriously.
• 8:07
  I say, I would like to say this. Give yourself a break.
• 8:09
  When you miss the person, ask yourself a quick look.
• 8:12
  Don't just try to shake it off like most people do.
• 8:14
  You start to miss the person. You try to shake it off, right?
• 8:17
  What you're actually doing is planting that, planting it.
• 8:20
  You're not dealing with it, so you're planting it so it's going
• 8:22
  to grow later on and you going to think about it again.
• 8:25
  Ride the wave. Why are you missing this person?
• 8:29
  What is it about this person right now in this moment that
• 8:31
  you're missing and understand that whatever you're missing
• 8:34
  about this person, like I said, I'm not saying it was fake.
• 8:37
  Was it all fake with the narcissist?
• 8:38
  I'm not saying it was all fake. That'll be tomorrow's video.
• 8:40
  Was it all fake? Was it all fake?
• 8:43
  I'm not saying that it was all fake, but this is something that
• 8:45
  you do have to understand that narcissistic people can be
• 8:48
  extremely manipulative. They can be extremely they they
• 8:51
  can lead you on for a very long time, but it's understand you
• 8:55
  miss this person because like it it, it's OK.
• 8:58
  Everything you miss about this person, I'm not saying it was
• 9:00
  fake, but you can get this from yourself.
• 9:03
  Everything that you did with this person, you can supply that
• 9:05
  yourself. You can find somebody else to
• 9:07
  treat you better that deserves you and that treats you just as
• 9:11
  the valuable piece that you are, the valuable piece, the valuable
• 9:14
  person that you are. So that I say all that to say
• 9:18
  this again, y'all, It's understandable to miss someone
• 9:21
  that hurts you. It's understandable to miss
• 9:24
  someone that treated you badly. It's understandable to not want
• 9:28
  to talk to someone you had a lot of inside jokes with.
• 9:30
  You had your favorite TV show, a favorite song, a favorite movie,
• 9:34
  a favorite soda, a favorite place to eat, favorite food,
• 9:37
  favorite Kamasutra position favorites upon favorites upon
• 9:41
  favorites. It's understandable to miss all
• 9:43
  of that stuff, y'all, but you got to like, say, get out there
• 9:48
  and do something for yourself when you're missing this person
• 9:51
  and you're crying and you're wallowing in sorrow.
• 9:53
  Get get up and go stand outside, y'all, and breathe.
• 9:56
  I'm not saying it's not OK to cry.
• 9:57
  It's OK to cry. I can't believe it's been too
• 10:00
  much and I'm still crying over them.
• 10:02
  Yeah, some people might be crying a year later when you
• 10:05
  remember something that you remember a lie that they told
• 10:09
  you or something funny or something stupid that they did
• 10:12
  like something ignorant that they did some a lie that they
• 10:14
  told that the truth just came to the surface might trigger you or
• 10:17
  might make you laugh, you lying bastard.
• 10:19
  You got me. It really just depends on where
• 10:22
  you are in your on your healing journey.
• 10:25
  But going no contact is going to be tough for so many different
• 10:27
  reasons y'all and I hope hopefully I covered a lot of
• 10:29
  them in this video. I want you to understand that
• 10:31
  you're not alone and there's no contact journey.
• 10:33
  If you need help, check my website outmentalillness.net
• 10:37
  www.mentalillness.net to all your questions answered.
• 10:42
  My one-on-one calls on there, my zoom calls, my phone calls, my
• 10:45
  support group, the mental illness is on there.
• 10:47
  My courses, my five star highly rated courses, Finding Your Why
• 10:52
  and Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic
• 10:55
  Relationship are both on there and they're both available at a
• 10:57
  discount into the code Mothers or Fathers for 50% off of my
• 11:02
  courses, y'all. I look forward to speaking with
• 11:05
  y'all and helping y'all out on this journey.
• 11:06
  Hit the subscribe button y'all as we eat closer to a 500K if
• 11:10
  you made it this for y'all. I'm sending the stories.
• 11:13
  I've got a couple stories I'm sending to my editor.
• 11:15
  Story time with Lee is coming soon.
• 11:17
  Y'all hit the subscribe button and I'm out.
• 11:20
  Peace.