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The Words You Need To Know When Dealing With a Narcissist (Part 1) · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  The AB CS of narcissism, the narcissistic alphabet, that's
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  what we're starting today, y'all.
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  We have a four video series coming up about the AB CS of
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  narcissism. Why assign each letter?
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  Each letter is going to be assigned a word or words that
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  are associated with narcissism or narcissistic abuse, right?
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  To help you understand it, to help you dig into it a little
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  bit deeper, right? Each video is going to have 6
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  letters. The last two will have 7.
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  So today we're going from A to FA to F.
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  We're going to hop right into it.
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  Y'all A stands for Apple. Uh, uh, apple.
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  No, I'll just get it A the letter A stands for
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  accountability, right? Narcissistic people cannot out
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  yo, you want to see a narcissist kryptonite, try to hold them
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  accountable for something that they have done.
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  You hear me? For something that they have
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  actually done. You hold them accountable.
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  You break up accountability. You try to just mention it in a
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  in a in sentence form. That narcissistic person is
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  going to feel attacked. They might shut down, they might
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  lose their minds on you and they might try to come for you,
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  right. This is part of it right here.
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  So a can stand for accountability or, or, or
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  there's always an or right? Or, and or it can stand for
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  abuse because I would say most narcissists in, in relationships
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  become abusive in some way, shape or form, right?
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  When I say abuse, everybody tends to kind of sway towards
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  the physical abuse, right? They're like physically abusive.
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  The narcissist can be physically abusive.
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  It's not just physical abuse. Narcissistic abuse is
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  psychological. It's deep, right?
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  It's not just surface level stuff.
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  It's not just physical abuse. I'm not, I'm not saying physical
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  abuse is just surface level, but it's deeper, right?
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  It's physical abuse, it's emotional abuse, it's
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  narcissistic abuse. Abuse is abuse, right?
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  Verbal abuse, all the abuses, a melting pot of abuse, of the
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  cauldron of abuse. So A can stand for
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  accountability, but it can also stand for abuse.
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  Now what else could a stand for? Y'all can drop some, some some
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  suggestions for the series coming forward as well.
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  Y'all, y'all have a thought? Drop it in the comment section.
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  Seriously. Now we're going to have to B B
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  stands for boundaries, right? Because again, I know I
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  mentioned an A, how accountability is a narcissist
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  kryptonite, but so are boundaries bound.
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  Y'all boundaries narcissistic people narcissist.
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  When you set a boundary on them, they try to make you feel like
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  you're trying to take their life.
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  You said a simple boundary on a narcissist.
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  They make it. They make it seem like you like
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  you don't did, like you've done the worst thing imaginable to
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  them, like you don't try to take they cookies or they candy or
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  something like that. They make it seem like you don't
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  just you a horrible person for standing up for yourself and
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  saying, hey, I don't like this. Hey, I don't want to do this.
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  Hey, this is not my cup of tea. Hey, don't, don't talk to me
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  like that. Hey, don't come over here this
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  time of night. Hey, we are just, we are just
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  communicating for the kids. They hate that type of stuff.
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  Boundaries make narcissists feel like bad people and boundaries
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  make narcissists feel like they're out of control as well.
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  The word control is going to come up later out, but B can
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  also stand for blame shifting. Not only can B stand for
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  boundaries, it could also stand for blame shifting.
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  Because you know, as most of us know, that narcissists are going
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  to shift the yeah, they're going to move the goal posts, shift
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  the blame, do whatever it takes to avoid a accountability,
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  right? They're going to shift the blame
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  in order to protect themselves, in order to protect our inner,
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  our internal narcissist like so we are going to shift the blame.
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  We're going to blame deflect. We're going to deflect the blame
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  back to you. We're going to look, this is
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  where the what about isms come in.
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  What about what you did right? What about this?
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  What about that? What about what you did 17 years
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  ago, Huh? We both met.
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  We both made mistakes. There's another B word right
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  there. Both.
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  We both made mistakes because they go, Yeah, they go play.
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  I'm not, it's not funny. But y'all, I I think most people
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  who've dealt with a narcissist have heard them say something
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  like that. We both made mistakes.
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  It's not just me. What about what you've done?
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  You know, it's not my fault. It's my mom's fault.
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  My dad's fault, my brother's fault.
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  My boss's fault. It's our our gerbil, our
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  hamster. It's the hamster's fault.
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  It couldn't have been me. It wasn't just me.
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  OK, the letter CCII have a few written down for CEO, but I'm
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  not going to spend a lot of time on it.
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  C could stand for control. We know, you know, narcissist
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  love control. We love control so much because
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  we lacked it in childhood. We didn't have a lot of control.
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  A lot of us didn't have a lot of control over our own lives when
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  we were younger. We didn't have a lot of like we
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  lacked control. So because we needed it, we
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  wanted it so much in our youth, we grow up wanted it more right
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  now. So we guess what?
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  I couldn't control things when I was younger.
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  So guess what I'm going to spend a lot of time doing in my
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  adulthood controlling every damn thing I can.
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  Absolutely anything I can control, I will control not.
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  I want to know a narcissist's biggest fear is the loss of
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  control, right? The loss of control control is
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  huge with narcissist. I also have C standing for
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  calculated, right? Because a lot of narcissists are
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  calculated. They like to calculate, they
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  like to analyze. They become very analytical and
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  they calculate a lot of things that they're going to do to you.
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  Like they they the very calculated people, very cool,
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  calm, collected, calculated people, right?
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  I also have C standing for competing because narcissist the
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  typically you want to, but you want a partner.
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  You don't want a competitor. You want a relate a partner in a
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  relationship. You want a supporting parent
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  where narcissists like to compete with you.
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  Regardless of whatever the relationship dynamic is, they
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  love to compete with you because they like to pull you down a
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  notch because this is how narcissist mind works.
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  We love to compete and competition allows us to be in
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  control. We calculate the competition to
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  be in control. And the last thing I have for
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  see y'all is drum roll. Please covert the covert passive
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  aggressive narcissists. Not all narcissists are loud,
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  boisterous, annoying ass people. They can be annoying, but not
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  loud and boisterous. You have a lot of covert
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  narcissists out here, right That are very covert that are very
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  quiet, cool, calm, collected, quiet people.
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  They're still narcissists, but it's just subtle abuse.
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  It's it's the the type of person that people don't suspect to be
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  narcissists. Like I would never saw that
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  coming, but I was damn I was C could also stand for communal
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  narcissist as well. Y'all the communal narcissist or
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  the narcissist. They have the high-ranking the
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  the the jobs that make them look good.
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  The pastor, the priest, the firefighter, the nurse, the the
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  police officer, the jobs in the community donating the charity
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  homeless organizations like no nonprofits, the community
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  communal narcissist use their community to boast their their
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  appeal and things like that. So D devaluation big D not the
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  little one. Devaluation is part of the
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  narcissistic cycle of abuse. It goes from love bombing to
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  devaluation. Devaluation is when they start
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  to devalue you. They take the love away.
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  They saw it. They treat you like crap.
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  They saw it to make you like. They start to withdraw.
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  They withdraw the affection, They withdraw the compassion.
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  They stop being nice to you. They start being nitpicky and
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  mean as hell to you. They treat you differently
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  during the devaluation phase. So D can stand for devaluation,
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  but it also stand for the discard.
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  Devaluation to the discard every.
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  Yeah, to for me, in my course, understanding the seven stages
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  of a narcissistic relationship that you can find that you can
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  find at mentalillness.net, there are two forms of discard.
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  There's the emotional discard and there's the physical
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  discard. Every, I think most narcissist
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  them, their every narcissist emotionally discards you where
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  they disconnect from you during the devaluation stage, right?
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  But not all of them will physically get rid of you.
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  Now everybody, I think most people get get emotionally
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  disconnected from by the narcissist get emotionally
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  discarded, but they will physically keep you around.
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  That happens to a lot of people like the discard phase happens.
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  So the devaluation and the discard phase are typically run
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  hand in hand in the narcissistic cycle of abuse.
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  So D covers a lot of that stuff right there.
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  E hopping right too. We've got E&F, y'all E ego.
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  Narcissists have a we. I'll say all narcissists.
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  Most narcissists have huge egos. They're big, huge egos, but
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  they're fragile as hell. Huge, fragile ass egos.
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  It's crazy to be to portray this this, this air of superiority,
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  but internally be just the softest shaman like person in
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  the damn planet, right? This happens to so many people.
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  So do you get a lot of narcissists out here?
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  They will make it seem like they are super tough, strong people,
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  but their egos are so damn fragile, easy to hurt.
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  They they make it seem like they're just great people, just
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  tough people, but they're easy to hurt fragile, fragile egos
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  egos or just dominate narcissists in our lives just in
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  general. Now another thing I got for E is
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  entitlement. Narcissists feel entitled to
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  every damn near everything on the planet.
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  This is why you, when you do something for a narcissist, they
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  feel they, they might not even say thank you.
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  They might not even seem grateful because they feel like
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  they're entitled to your time, they're entitled to your money,
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  they're entitled to your body, they're entitled to your life.
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  Just in general. They're entitled to be to feel
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  this way about their themselves, even if they don't have the the
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  qualifications. I would say they just feel like
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  they're entitled because they are them.
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  I'm entitled because I'm me is the mindset a lot of narcissists
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  have right there. And the last thing I have right
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  here, y'all for E is excuses. Because we know narcissists make
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  excuses for damn near everything.
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  Everything. It kind of goes back into the
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  blames, deflection and blame shifting right?
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  Excuses for every damn thing possible.
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  It is crazy how many excuses narcissists can come up with.
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  And the last one, the last letter we'd be covering in
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  today, y'all tomorrow will be G fly F flying monkeys.
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  Flying monkeys are the enablers of narcissists, right?
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  I was going to put enablers for E, but I was like, flying
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  monkeys is what you hear a lot of times in the field of
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  narcissistic abuse. On the niche of narcissistic
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  abuse. You're about the flying monkeys,
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  the blind supporters of narcissists, the people who
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  perpetrate the abuse sometimes, like literally flying monkeys
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  are narcissists, biggest supporters.
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  And they really don't even get anything from it.
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  They just are narcissist supporters.
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  Like the flying monkey is a supporter of the narcissist and
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  they're just a horrible, it can be horrible, horrible human
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  beings absolutely can be out. So this is something you have to
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  deal with. The flying monkeys are the
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  narcissist enablers and can be anybody that you know or you
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  might not even know. Could be their parents, could be
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  your friends, could be your family members.
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  Flying monkeys are there to serve the narcissist.
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  And that term comes from the Wizard of Oz, right?
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  The wicked witch had the flying monkeys to do her bidding.
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  In this situation, the narcissist is the narcissist is
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  the wicked which and the fly monkeys are the ones doing our
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  bidding. And the last thing I have for F
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  y'all is false self. False self.
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  Narcissists pretend to be who they're not.
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  We create these false identities about who we actually are.
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  We present this false identity upfront during the love bombing
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  phase, which will come up later out.
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  We present this false identity of who we are to you, but not
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  also to you. We pretend to be.
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  Yeah, we need to put narcissist. We pretend to be someone else to
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  us as well. We are someone else to us as
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  well. It's crazy how that works.
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  But this is literally the mindset and the mentality of
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  narcissistic people. This is how we operate, y'all.
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  So anyway, y'all, if I miss something, just drop it in the
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  comment section. Say hey, Lee, you could add in
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  this. Oh yeah, no, just add it to the
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  comment section. Yeah, the comment section is
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  part of the video. It's part of the podcast.
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  So drop it in the comment section.
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  If you think I missed something or that I could have done
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  something better, right? Just drop it in the comment
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  section. AB, CS and the next video you
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  see will be GHIJK&L so more going from G to L.
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  We have fun with them y'all. Hit the subscribe button y'all
• 13:25
  as we creep closer to 500 K and I am out.
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  Peace.