Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 88: How-to Start a Discipleship Group for kids

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Episode 88: How-to Start a Discipleship Group for kids · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: So join me, Jenna Zint, habit coach, teacher, and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Habit Lab.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: This is Jenna Zint, and I am here with my wonderful friend Brandi.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm staring at her cute face.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, fun fact, when you first sit down, I was like, she's gonna age so well.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I imagine you were like 60, I was like, Yep, she's gonna be stunning.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, regal.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I will take it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Brandy is a local friend.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um, we've been knowing each other the last year, but y'all, her rap sheet of wonderfulness is absurd.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: She was an attorney, right?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: And her husband is too.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: She went to law school.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: You had babies while you were in law school, right?
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: You told me stories of like studying for things, and I was like, wow, if that doesn't instantly give you us insight into who this woman is, it's cool.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: She's our um Christian School's vice principal, she's an author, she loves teaching the Bible.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, she speaks, speaks, she travels and speaks.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Her family went to Europe this fall to speak, and she's also our bar instructor, which is actually where I met you.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I think on some level, I'm like, if that doesn't say you're the full package, I was like literally attorney, disciple the nations, Bible, take care of your temples.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like we like to live a full life for sure.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Full life.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the cool part for us were our crossovers.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: We were doing bar, and that's how we got to know each other.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then you invited me in, and we'll have you cast um, but to do this discipleship group with our oldest daughters.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the timing, I don't even know if I told you, was so cool on our end because Aaron had just read Intentional Fatherhood, and it's this book about taking your men, your discipling your sons from you know kids to men, kind of and he was like, babe, I really want to do this, I think it's essential, but it can't be me.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: You have to do this with Audrey.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: I get to do this, Wesley, and I was like, Yep.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Can you do it?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't like he doubted my like character, but it was like the consistency to like plan ahead.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: So then when you invited me into this, it was this stunning like solution to oh yeah, what I've learned in my habits is anywhere that I'm doing it with friends.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: One, we share the workload so longevity is possible because we're splitting it up.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Two, I have more buy-in because I like your daughters.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just it's not just something on the calendar between me and my daughter that I could blow past or reschedule.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a standing commitment, which is great because last weekend was so full and I hosted.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if it was just me and Audrey, I would have rescheduled what we did.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I think there's something about like leaning into group accountability, and then um, even the the stunning part of having so many women pour into my daughter versus just me.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like one of the ladies, well, we'll give in the logistics, but she taught them how to change a tire.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And guys, I do not know how to change a tire.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So that was something that she could only give my kids.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: So um we've been doing it since August.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: So we at least have like six months, is that?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: About six months?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: So that's where, but I am no way the expert, and I was like, I've gotten a lot of questions on Instagram about our girls' discipleship group.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, can you sit down with me, Brandy, and pour all your wisdom and the logistics so that they can duplicate this?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because that would be the goal.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Not that you're impressed with our little friend group in Red.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: The goal is you duplicate this because it's actually so doable.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it is so doable.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay, well tell us the history.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: How'd you because you were like, you have a long history.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: I did not with discipleship.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Give us, give us a well, I grew up in the Midwest, and discipleship's a thing in the Midwest, although I wasn't discipled and I wasn't raised in the church.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: My family, um, I went to uh I got saved and baptized when I was five years old.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then my family left the church.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I wasn't raised in the church, I was raised with a Bible in my bedroom.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh Jesus and the Holy Spirit teaching me the word of God, um, which would make sense because the word is so important to me as a grown-up, right?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: And then um I went away to college, uh, do all the Christian groups.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: I led Bible studies and stuff like that.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then I meet this godly man who later became my husband.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: She put a ring on it.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: He put a ring on it, and I'll take it.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: And um, and then uh we got married and um he started bringing me into his life.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: And his life, um, part of that was being introduced to the woman and the man who led his youth group growing up and the and and discipled him.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: And um, their names were Ann and Scott Manley, and they are legends in the Oklahoma City area, just legends.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: And um uh I later in my marriage, I also attended a woman's Bible study by um another legend in the Oklahoma City area, her name's Cynthia Hefmeyer, and she leads beautiful, godly women in the Lord.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: And a bunch of the women that were in that Bible study um were also from the youth group and discipleship era that my husband was from, from the same church.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I noticed a characteristic in these women is that no matter if their life was going great or not, um uh if they were walking in sin or not, it if they were, if they were seeking Jesus or not, um they knew they were the Lord's.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: They they they knew his love for them.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, hold the phone, something's different about this.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_02: Something, hold on, wait a minute.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I had got been getting close with Anna over the years.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: She's a she's just phenomenal, um, very strong, knows herself, um, conquers the world a little bit like I do.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like Anne does not have a day off.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um and what I had learned is part of the the agreement that the kids make when they went into discipleship was that they will be discipled for their high school years, and then later when they're grown-ups, they'll have to give back into the discipleship program because that's how it works.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like you receive and then you invest.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, totally.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and they they know that expectation's coming.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: Well, when i i Nathaniel and I had been married for years and years, and then um it came time kind of for his turn to help lead a discipleship group, but um uh Scott had passed away and Anne was leading a woman's discipleship group, and she said, Brandy, you can take Nathaniel's turn.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: Get up, come lead this group with me.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so it was amazing.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: So we read we led some high school girls through four years of discipleship, and I gotta really walk Anne's.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: She had created curriculum, and I had known her really well.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, um, I mean, she does fancy dinners and like teaches life skills and just uh when I say discipleship, I mean discipleship to the max.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Takes the girls on missions, takes the girls on life trips, um uh walks the girls through housekeeping and a dress.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, Ann Manley's got the best closet known to man, and she teaches the girls how to fill the closet in a way that is very attracted to their body, but also honoring to the Lord.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: Just you name it, Anne taught it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so I gotta go that, I gotta help her lead that for four years.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then we moved out here um to California, and our children were growing up, and it got to be the time where um our church has a youth program, and I didn't want the youth program to be my daughter's identity.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted my my daughter's identity to be in Christ, and we do lots of stuff around the house to help form that.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like we have habits that we do, including um reading blessings in the evening, helping the kids know who they are.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: But uh preteen and teenage years are different, they're different.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta up your game.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't want my up game to be the youth group.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I'm okay with the youth group, that's not a bad thing, but there's too many kids for you know the ratio.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: The ratio, it's a problem.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: I almost think youth group is great to see peers and then encounter the Lord, but I think like the life discipleship and mentorship, unless you're at a different at our church at least, the ratio can't happen.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: If something happens, it's just not it's almost not the format for that.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's a different thing, it feeds a different thing.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's a good way to put it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: It feeds it something else.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but if we're not proactive, that becomes the thing.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't want it to become the thing for my daughter.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: So um, because we have a boy, I mean, sorry, a girl, boy, girl.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: So our oldest was first, which both of our oldest daughters are Audrey, which is so great.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I reached out to Ann and I was like, Ann, help me.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: Give me your materials.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Can I do this?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Can I, whatever?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so uh we went back and I grabbed a bunch of her materials.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: We met and we talked about it, and she guided it, you know, we Anne and I touch base back and forth.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I brought the idea to a group of moms who hopefully were gonna be willing to take on the burden that it is because it's a it's a holy burden, but it's a burden.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I wanted to point out is the four-year commitment.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, it almost feels like our culture is at a time period where we're allergic to something more than a season.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like a soccer season, or that's like our limit for capacity.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I think what was cool is knowing that it's our kids on the line.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you had asked me to commit to a four-year for adult group, yeah, I would have been like, I actually can't do that.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: I would be in it for a season, we'll see if it grows.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: But with my daughter, it was like, it was actually almost like, oh, this is I know it's gonna be worth the cost.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Even to the overwhelm I felt at thought of thinking of doing it by myself versus I was like, Oh, I don't feel overwhelmed for the long haul if we're doing a group with this versus solo.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think I think the vision is something like for me, the vision is something like this.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like um, Anne's, I would think probably her vision is just knowing her so well, would be to teach people Christ, right?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, mine's a little bit different.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um I I want to dis you know, Paul said, follow me while I follow the Lord.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: I I need to place women and peers in my daughter's life that will help her and that she can help follow the Lord, right?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because sometimes there's gonna be a point when my daughter doesn't listen to me.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I need other godly women that she trusts that she can run to and be.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't care if she's complain, I don't know what, you know, teenage angst, right?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: I need her to have a safe place to run because teenagers are are tumultuous.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: A hundred percent.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm not going into this thinking all of our girls are gonna be pristinely perfect little girls, right?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like the discipleship group that I led.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: Lots, lots of life stories, huh?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, life stories, broken families, lots of things go happened in that four years.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: I do want to say though, what I like you saying about this, like what you wanted to do and then like to have someone that they could go to.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think we think about wanting the fruit without what how to steward that so that when you need it, your daughter has been walking with women for years that she has somewhere to go versus oh dart.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I like it's almost like what's the idea of you when's the best time to plant a tree 20 years ago versus like well then start now.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: But you need history for them to feel comfortable and actually get good input.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: So the idea of like four years, it's actually history building so you can withdraw in these critical times.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and and that I can test the moms and the moms can test me back and forth because the kids will pick up on that.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_02: They'll see what do you mean by test?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, like um the Bible says that you know, test the spirit.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so first of all, when we picked the when we invited the group of moms and girls, um, they weren't all from the same church, they weren't for all from the same school.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: We're going for moms and children with similar hearts.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: They don't all have the same learning style.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, they're not they're not even all in the same grade, right?
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: So we did try to get, I think, 10 and 11, right?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: We tried to keep it.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, close to close in the similar age range.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because I think that's helpful for cognitive because 100%.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: The lesson makes sense to all of you.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, but not like uh I I didn't want like little perfect girls.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: I we want it to look like life.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: That's why you invited those in.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: But you need a little bit of not perfect.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: I was great.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: I needed the fun, but I wanted it to look like life, but life with all in agreement that we're heading the same direction.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's good.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: So, like how that works is us moms are getting to know each other too, right?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I but I do like it's a slow burn.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think sometimes we just dump, jump into the deep end.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: It feels like we're taking steps at a pace that feels like it matches like our commitment and our intimacy.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, because that's you you don't you do not grow intimacy just because it's like the tree you were talking about.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: Intimacy, you have to have to be very intentional.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: And you have to it it's it a testing doesn't mean like I'm hoping someone's gonna fail.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: A testing is um testing the spirit and seeing how we approach problems, girls, situations, what we teach, what's our heart posture towards the Lord um as we go along this.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: So, like, for example, last week I taught scripture, you taught habits.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um not only am I watching closely the content you're teaching, which was fantastic, but I'm also watching closely how you steward the girls.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: So, like one moment that was impactful for me is um so for anyone listening, our discipleship, I usually come every every time we meet just because I teach the Bible for a short portion.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then we trade out moms who teach life skills.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it's fantastic, like they're like amazing.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so last week we were teaching the life skills of creating healthy habits that help us get where we want to get in life, which was so great.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I'm there, right?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: So my little Audrey, she doesn't have the gift that the other girls have, which is a time away from mom, right?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Mom's in the midst of it.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so there was a point in the middle of the lesson where um Mew Jenna had been like, if you need help, let me know.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: And I had, I hang, I hung back a little bit.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: And Audrey made I, my Audrey made eye contact with you, not with me.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: And you got up and you went over and you discipled my girl.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_02: Now I gotta witness it, but I per I was out of it.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm trusting, I'm I'm testing and growing in trust with you to disciple my little girl because there's gonna be a day if we continue this where I'm not in the room and my girl makes eye contact with you and she she opens up her heart about something.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I need to know how you are gonna approach that.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: And vice versa, with me, you need you need to test me and figure out how I'm going to disciple your child as we go.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it almost feels too also like iron sharpening iron.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: I remember when I was sitting there listening to you teach the Bible.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: I maybe would have shut a few things down, maybe silliness or maybe lack of attention.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: But like I watched you not, and then I watched the fruit from it.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then I literally thought when I was making my habits, okay, make your little mom moment and needing it to be more attentive, let go of some of that.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Cause did you see the fruit when when Brandy didn't dial things or like require as tight of a ring?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: So even like learning from each other how they teach and how they interact, you're like, Oh, I actually like that.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna try that next.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like trying on some of your things, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and also um like the goal of discipleship is not perfection.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it's you get a bunch of sweet girls together who all whose mommies are all sweet and we're all running towards Jesus, and it can look like a perfect thing.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_02: And we got to be careful because we're not into performance, we're into pursual.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: I want to pursue the heart of Jesus.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: I want my daughter and your daughter and our girls to be held in the hand of the Lord and know no matter what life throws at them, they are held in the hand of the Lord.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_02: And to do that, we have to be a little bit messy.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: We have to not strive for protect perfection, but also like because if you watched, they were actually listening, even though they were giggling and being that's why I was like, look, it works.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they were actually they they were they were um bringing up things that mattered.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: They were on point, they just weren't they were as interested in their highlighters at point.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes, they were also interested in the highlighters, and and it's so sweet.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you watch the girls because they're learning to highlight their Bible, the whole section of what we read.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just like, but this is the stage.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like they need to go through this, and I don't want to correct them.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Let them highlight the whole thing.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: Let them enjoy practice, like all the things, and because then they're gonna grow and then they're gonna look back and they're like, oh, I I realize I highlighted what I read.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: But now maybe I highlight what stood out to me and what I read.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: And they learn to engage with the Bible.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: But if I'm micromanaging them, they're not gonna, they're gonna try to be like me.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: And we don't need to be me.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or you'll even kill the enjoyment.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I found.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Where I'm like, oh, it's actually important for this to take roots at a baby form for you to enjoy, or we'll never upgrade, you know.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: And that's also a gift that I think we have as a group is the moms have different personalities and different strengths because uh the joke in our house is I'm not the fun one.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: My husband's the fun one, I'm not the fun one.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so if there's something that the kids want to do that's a little extra, they know who to ask.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're going to dad.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: If there's something, if there's a cuddle or a something, a care that they need taken care of or an organization help or something like that, they come to me, right?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: They know.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like in this group, we have really like I I would consider you one of the really fun ones.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: Shelle, one of the really fun ones, Rochelle, one of the really fun ones.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Dal's actually super funny and goofy, that have these strengths that I don't, I don't naturally carry.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: Just like we were talking the other day about hosting, like the strength of it, like you were asking such a great question.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: You were saying, I because correct me if I'm wrong.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: I because I thought about your question later.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I wonder if her her concern is this.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_02: I wondered if your concern was I don't want this to end.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, 100%.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I asked, whoops, spilled my water.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: I asked her when she came, but I jumped in mid-thought ADHD instead of framing the question.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: No, but I went backwards and figured it out.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, good job.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: I um but the question for like if you ever need a break from teaching Bible, we would be happy to like it was almost like in the first six months it was helpful because we all felt a little tentative or maybe insecure, but you had seen it.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: So we were following your lead in that sense.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: But then I just wanted to let you know, like, I'm enjoying this so much that if you doing the Bible every time we meet would be almost like a like end this because you can't keep going.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: Please let us know and we'll pivot and and pick up the Bible.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're like, oh, I'm happy to share it.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, I mean, I actually would rather you do it if you want to, but I don't want you to hit burnout thinking that we couldn't hop in and and figure things out too.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: And that was a great reflect, like a mirror for me to reflect on because actually I don't burn out by teaching the Bible.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_02: I fill up by teaching the Bible.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: It is what I am made to do.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: But then we were able to talk about, but actually, hosting would burn me out.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: Which I love when you said that.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, that's wonderful.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because then it's almost like it feels like a potluck of strength, like you said.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Where it's like, what are your, what's your strength?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: What's my strength?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not glamorous.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like even when we were making some of the list, we're like, do we have any more strength after the first round of planning?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: We're like, I don't have any more strengths.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: But then you just get, you're like, oh, that could be a strength.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like someone's gonna teach them journaling, like things that you would not on paper probably list as your top five strengths.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And this potluck mentality of there's no too small of offering, there's nothing not weird, but you know, obviously that we preempted.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: But like journaling's not less than.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Nor I taught them how to ask questions one time.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, oh, that's helpful for conversation because we want to be the kind of people that engage and see others, not ourselves.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: But when you oversimplify it, you're like, is question asking a disciple?
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: But it is, it actually is because we we take that's that's what I learned from Ann is there's actually nothing too small to teach.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_02: We can't we can't take like I I work at a Christian school and we are prepping for baptism season in anticipation of Easter, which is a beautiful time.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: But I would be remiss if I assume all my students have heard and understand the gospel message.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: We teach Bible every week.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: They could have been at our school for five years, but for me to assume that their heart has grasped and understood the gospel message would be an oversight.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure many of them have.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: I know many of them have, but the likelihood that maybe many of them haven't is high.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I need to reteach that.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: I need to re-offer it again before we head into baptisms because I need people to be seeking the heart of Jesus, right?
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: Not seeking a performance or seeking to get something done.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm supposed to be baptized, here's what I do, right?
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: So similarly in discipleship, like I uh I can't assume that these girls know how to do something just because maybe I do.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: A good example of this is when when I was younger, I m my birth mom, she didn't have the skills to teach me how to like do makeup and do my hair.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um were you adopted as um later in life I was.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: But um at at this time growing up, I still lived with my birth family.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um and my mom um she didn't she just didn't have the skill.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: She didn't have the skill.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: Her she didn't have a mom who taught her when she was little.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: When I was growing up, uh we didn't have that wasn't there.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: The the ability to teach wasn't there.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then God was so good.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: When I was like 12, I had gotten approached by a modeling agency or something, and they do it maybe it was like a six or a nine month course.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, pause.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_01: See, I told you she's pretty.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: And they taught me things about how to take care of your hair and appearance, hair, makeup, eyebrows, how to stand, how to pose.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: How to um clean my face, how to um take care of my nails, how to uh put a belt on.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: What the the way to put a belt like all these things that you would have thought as a 12-year-old I might know because like kids my age were doing it, but I didn't, I had no clue.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I walked away from that time period.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Developed, right?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: I was it was a God gift.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: It was a God gift to this day.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: I now now I'm equipped to teach my daughters how to do makeup, not to cover their face, but to enhance their beauty.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean?
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: Or to um work with like work with the body I have, work with the face that I have, not the one that I am trying to create or something.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: But I think people I think probably my mom and I assumed of me that I should just know these things and didn't know what I didn't know until I got into class.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, oh my gosh, I didn't know that.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like 100%.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's so, but I love the idea of like one, it almost reminds me of the concept like all things are sacred, and a sense of like taking care of your skin because it's your temple.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: And not in a way where I think maybe okay, so I grew up in the south, so there's cotillion and performance.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, sometimes you can I actually I attended a class for manners and etiquette, and it was kind of like discipleship without the Jesus piece.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, but it was called pretty me.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: Something that would not be named such in the 2020s.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: But the idea of all these things and but without the like God approach of grace and identity that is not impacted by these.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: They're not like things we're earning to unlock to be better or worthy.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's just more care for, and then you get to choose your level or what it's at.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: We're not saying you have to wear makeup every day or this, but it's more of like, here's a skill set of how we care, make it your own.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I like the idea that in my limited capacity, you guys can cover strengths that I don't have versus being all things to everyone, you know?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's actually permission to be like, I don't feel shame that I'm not the tire-changing girl.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: I feel grateful that you're the tire changing girl.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Michelle, is that's not me?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: So teach my kiddo how to change the tire.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_01: I do want to say, can I quickly lay out the logistics role?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, but hold on.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_02: Before you do, let me let me can I explain real quickly what um what what you were just describing?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because and Anne Manley describes this.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_02: The woman who taught us discipleship originally, she says these life skills, because we uh she's also when I used to teach um high school, she drove all the way down to Texas and taught my high schoolers etiquette.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like she's taught etiquette and I've and I've taught etiquette with her a couple times over the years.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um but the makeup, the etiquette, the being able to change attire, the being able to and all the things.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: She says, This is why we do it.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: She goes, because Jesus wants us to be there you are kind of people.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: And when we're insecure about an area of our life, we become here I am kind of people.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so there you are is others focused.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_02: Others focused.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: And when and it we might not mean to be a self-centered focus, but fear and anxiety lead to self-focus every time.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so if we can equip ourselves with life skills that allow us to be confident so that we can be other focused.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's so good.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: If I know how, if I feel confident in being able to host set a table correctly and um make a space that's enjoyable for people, I don't have to be concerned, oh my gosh, did they like it?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_02: Did I do it right?
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: Instead, I can look them in the eye and and hope that they enjoy what's before them.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: I can pay attention to them because I'm not insecure about my lack of know-how.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: It almost slips it on the head.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_01: These skills aren't to to make you feel like you have more worth.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost to so like let's put aside things that usually poke holes in your bucket so you can be present, but they don't add to your value or worth.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because even the first week we taught, we talked about hosting, but it was the opposite of Pinterest pretty parties.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: It was more like have a simple signature snack.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: Michelle said cut up apples.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: But then the rest of it was how to be others focused when you host.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: See and make space, how to be warm, how to be like thoughtful.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, it try it really is more mindsets behind it versus something to achieve.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about bettering us.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, go ahead.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: You were gonna put out the layout.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I want this to be attainable.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_01: I loved, I'm I actually remember, I'm just gonna speak to my experience.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: I when you were telling me about what it looked like in Oklahoma City, my instinct was overwhelmed because I was like, I can't, if that's what you're asking me to do, I couldn't do it.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: But what I loved is we you had gave us permission, like even like you said, the difference between some of Anne's goals versus your goals.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: So as you're listening to this, if you're interested in doing a group with your kiddos, you have permission to define what your goal is for the group.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then you have permission to decide what you want to teach and what you emphasize.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: The goal isn't to copy and paste our themes or our skills.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: It would be like, oh, here's a format of literal logistics that you and your friends get to almost like, you know, like coloring pages, everybody could color it differently.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's what it feels like.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, if you want to make the hair green, go make the hair green.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Ours, ours is yellow, no problem.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: But so what she did first was you asked a few of us, like maybe four or five, and then a few next round, or how many?
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we we we gathered about five, and I said, Hey guys, here's an idea.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it was via text.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna get real practical.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's via text at first, right?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: Or did you say it personal in conversation?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: I might have run it by a couple of you girls, because okay, so how it really started was um me and two others who had talked about this for years because they knew my background and they were like, when it gets time, just so you know, tap us in.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: Tap us in.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: So we had been talking about it, and one of the girls who who does all of our admin Dow, yeah, she just kept pressing the button because she was like, Hey, I can see my oldest is ready.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: Let's get going.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then I reached out to a couple of you guys at bar because I knew that the age range.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's the studio workout right now at 5 45 in the morning.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a bar, it is a sweat Pilates situation.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, right.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_02: And um a few of you that I knew had similar hearts or I suspected had similar hearts, and I knew I knew your girls fit the age range.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um reached out to you guys, and then we put it together in a text thread.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_02: And at that point, then we did a meetup.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_02: We did a very casual, low, low stakes.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I but I think I you did really well is you gave us a ton of time.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: I think you probably started it six months before maybe four months before we started.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: Actually about four months before we started initial conversations, then the text to Clarity, like, hey, this is when we're gonna meet in person and answer questions and kind of like hash this out without our girls.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_01: Was that maybe two months after the initial?
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to remember the timeline.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I had I went I went all the way to Oklahoma, grabbed some of Ann's materials, and came back.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: So by the time we met in person and were hashing things out, it was probably a month before we got started.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well then, so then we did an in-person mom only to see like you what I liked, it was low stakes.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like the idea that for your commitment is a commitment.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think you what did you ask?
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Did you ask for one year or two years?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how how it goes is like um we we lay out the vision, right?
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: But then, because we no one knows, right?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_02: And you don't know if it's gonna work or not.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: You lay out the vision, you grab the group that's willing to follow the vision and you commit to one full year.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: And and and isn't that doable, guys, for those of you who are like four, like, ah, but it was one.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: And really it's nine months because you take the summer off, you do fun things in the summer, but you don't necessarily quote unquote lead like discipleship and Bible study during the summer.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_01: And we largely took probably four weeks off December, January.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I think the flexibility, I think uh what I want you to hear, is like you're able to make it fit with your life.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to do something that's tiring or exhausting.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: We only do it, we typically do it twice a month.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: Not every other week, guys, just twice a month.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: Just twice a month, and we only do it for two hours now um on a Sunday.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: But it sometimes it goes a little late if the girls are hanging, which we love.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like we want them to grow in relationship.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: But the time commitment, like Audrey and I had to leave sketch out a little bit early last week.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: And someone dropped their girl off early beforehand because there are things which is it's wonderful.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_01: So then I want to get back to it.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: Then we had our girls together before we actually kicked it off.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: When we decided who was gonna be, you're like, let's do almost like a mixer where they met.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then we were intentional, we didn't plan like games or anything.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think we had some questions, but it was like let them feel each other out, let them get more comfortable when we're not doing Bible or anything yet.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then did we pitch it to them at that point around the table?
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we that was, and that's when we had about eight.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: To eight or nine, I think we had nine together, and we kind of pitched the idea as a whole.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: And the girls were very excited about it.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: We had some that were nervous.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_02: Your Audrey was nervous, do you remember?
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she was then went home and she's like, Is it this week?
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_01: Can it be next week?
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: Can it be every week?
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then Wesley's like, I want to go to girls' group.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh buddy, yeah, you hear that sentence.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: Not right.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so then we kind of pitched it, and then from that point, we we said, okay, we need a a year commitment.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: And it was hard because then people get the word gets out a little bit and people want to come into the group, and it's not a we're better than you're better.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: But there is, I know that's the hard part about groups that are lidded, you know, like have a lid.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: If you get too big, it actually breaks down the functionality.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and like it's not producing the fruit you need.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: So you do have to have a limit, but then there's maybe hearts that are hurt.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think kindness and clarity, but like even empowering someone once you hit your limit, being like, please go start one.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like there are and I'll share what we have.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like, definitely.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so that then we ask for a year commitment, and at the end of this year, we're we'll have a big celebration, and we will leave it open for girls to leave if this if this was not their if this did not work or will not work in the future going forward for them.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's a great exit time to feel successful and be graceful and you know, do celebrate it.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_02: And then we'll start year two.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: And you year two is typically when we like dial the people in dial it in.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: But okay, what I like is we we had one girl who's admin, and she did send out a sign-up, but really simply we went through when we picked the two Sundays a month through we started in August, we did it through I think December, and we just alternated who was gonna teach a life skill, and then Brandy taught Bible.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: There's some weeks that she wasn't, and it was really simple.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know she has curriculum, but frankly, she just broke down Matthew quite well.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because I actually am not following the curriculum.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't think so.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because I I brought it back and it's great curriculum, but I I I always put things before the Lord.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: I laid it before the Lord, and what I felt like the Lord said is first introduce them to me.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, right, forgot.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was just gonna go straight into teaching.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Jesus.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I said, How do we want to do that?
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_02: He said, The book of Matthew is a great start.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: So we are reading through Matthew together.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually think that would be some of the formula I'd like them to try.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you feel overwhelmed with the Bible, we probably do half a chapter of Matthew.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: Not even, oh no, sometimes we do like four verses, which I love because that's so much more bite-sized than I had thought.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like taking down the overwhelm really strategic.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then she just talks about it for maybe 15 to 20 minutes, right?
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: Because I try to keep it, I can't try to keep it under 20 minutes.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like we're talking about fifth, sixth, and seventh graders.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like they don't know.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: But I love that you do that versus the whole hour needs to be a Bible study.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think the other thing that was attractive to me when I thought maybe like Southern Discipleship Group, I thought rigid, I thought labor-intensive, I thought more learning and less fun.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: But we purposely, you purposely cast the vision of stacking connection at the front.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: Then we transition to either life skill or Bible, depending on who needs to go or when.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then we do life skill and then more hangout time because we want it to be fun enough that it's not just feels like a class where they don't want to go.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: We want them to buy and they love it.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I think if we were like too intense, other than those, there would not be the excitement looking forward to it.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: It'd be a bit of dread problem.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: And they will naturally, as they get older, the group will get more intense because they're the life issues are gonna get more intense.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: So, like um, when we talk about like this year we talked about body image, but we didn't go too deep into like puberty and all those fun things.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_02: Although we're all touching the the corners of it, right?
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: Next year or the year after, you watch the group itself will dive deeper naturally.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: Then, you know, the boys' thing as we get older, the uh the the hard the hard things in friendships that we get old older, as the girls see their friends do walk in sin and see the see like the um consequences of sin and the heartache that they have, it it the group will naturally go deeper and it'll get more serious, but because we have an establishment of fun, it's not like a requirement, it's just it becomes a safe space for them to go deeper.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: Good word.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: I also was gonna say, because we have a really full social calendar and Audrey has a lot of friends.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe one of my other kids having connection would be more a value for discipleship group.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_01: But what it wasn't necessarily why we said yes, but the flip side of it, I love watching.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yes, Audre has plenty of friends, but because this is discipleship group, there's an awareness that we're gonna talk about the Bible.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: There's an awareness that we're gonna talk about vulnerable things, there's an awareness that we're gonna grow versus a just freeform hangout.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a positive peer pressure because it's almost sacred versus, you know, we're at dinner.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: Is this different than the dinner we had last time?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: Or are we are we gonna go deep or is it just casual hangout?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's set aside and they're clear.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I love to, oh, it's so cute.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_01: The positive peer pressure, all their Bibles, because then we expect them to bring their Bibles and they um they there's a lineup of Bible bags on my my figure.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I love this because practically we don't always bring them to church.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: But for them to physically like get comfortable with the habit, expect and see other peers doing their Bibles, seeing an adult, like the literal scene feels so forming in all the best ways, too.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then even too, the um Audrey's listening to people's life skills in a way that if I was trying to have a conversation with her, she would blow me off or tune me out, especially maybe she'd be like, talk about it later, mom, but I'm really tired after school.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: But because it's someone else's mom, yes, and it's a sacred space, I see she was so excited when she came home about the spare tire.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, this is hilarious that she made me, she pulled me out of the house when she got home to show me in my car where the spare tire was.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, there are zero chances if I had talked to her about a spare tire, that I would have gotten that reaction.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like the benefit of peer pressure and the benefit of sacred space that we know what we do here versus just casual, like shooting the priest.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it totally does.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, that's a great example of us not taking for granted that they know, like, so the word says that there's a verse in the Bible that says we we we approach the word daily, we study the scriptures daily.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if I if I lay that foundation for my kids, I'm remiss if I assume they know how to do that.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_02: How do reading the Bibles?
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_02: There's tons of ways to read the Bible.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_02: You can read it thematically, you can read it um, you know, historically, you can like there's so many ways to read the Bible read the Bible.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: But even you can catch attitude from peers in a way that may feel like a task just for moms.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_02: But then, but we go through it without being like, okay, girls, this is how we read the Bible.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we we we sit, we open the Bibles, we tell them where the books are.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: They get it, we wait for everyone to find their place in the book, then we tell them the verse, and then they read it.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't read it.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_02: They read it out loud.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: All these nuanced little practices, right?
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_02: And we stop and we talk about the verses and we're like, ooh, that's a good word.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me about that.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: And what they don't know is we are modeling for them and teaching them how to read the word.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_02: So by the end of that, just this if the girl only goes through this year of discipleship, they will have had a year of learning to and it was like you you were talking about habits the other day.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_02: You were like, five minutes a day or a week is way better than an hour that you're gonna stop doing.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_02: So every other week for a whole year, these girls are sitting and reading the Bible together and learning how to read the Bible without me verbalizing this is how you read the Bible.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: And they're gonna know how to do it.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's relational.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: It reminds me of literally like apprenticeship.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's relational, it's seeing by doing, it's practicing, it's not needing to be perfect or an expert before it's like you will learn over time, but we're not in a rush.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: We want to like match your mental capacity, your emotional capacity, we'll upgrade.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: But I think the main other takeaway that I was gonna say is that we just sign up for at least hosting once a semester.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_01: We kind of break it into semesters, and then we did another um moms-only meeting in January to plan the spring winter semester.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then we'll go from there.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not heavy planning, and then also it's drop-off, which I think is really important because we get the weeks off.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_01: If we were committing to twice a month adults, all the moms were that would be a lot bigger commitment.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, literally, they drop off and they I wave to the parents as they go.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then when it's their time to host, I do the same thing.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that in decreases the footprint in your life as well, which I think is helpful to think.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_02: And a lot of the moms, like as we're getting to know each other, like I'll pick up we we have a girl in our neighborhood that uh it's easy for me to pick her up on the way or drop her off on the way back.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_02: Then that increases more.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_01: What you're even saying about the Bible, I think it shows this is how we do community.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: We give people rides, we drop them off because we're, I think, I don't know, most of us who are deep Christianity, like right, we Christ-centered, we probably have pretty small circles that we trust with our kids.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: So casual rides places doesn't happen very much for me, which feels ironic because the 90s it was like get in a car, whoever will get you to the home.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no seatbelt.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no seatbelt, like sit in the you know, brothers between the two cars or whatever.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: But so I love the little bits of like, oh, this is almost like practiced safe independence with other people in like bite size, as we can all we both grow.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: So that's my I want we'll shit, we'll end in a second, but I just wanted you hear the logistics of invite some moms, cast, explain low-key what it would be like, have a formal meeting.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_02: Can I say something?
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I I when we met, when we had the meeting, um, I did want to say that this was not a group.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: We like we set very clear standards.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a group for gossip, it's not an exclusive group.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: Although it's a closed group, it's not exclusive.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what I mean?
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like um, this was not a complaining group.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: We're not, we're not coming together to to complain or to gripe.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like we, when we met, we laid down the vision we wanted for this group so that everyone who agreed, we were all agreeing to the same thing.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_02: I just I just want to be clear about that.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like it wasn't just like a hey, we're gonna like this is what discipleship is, let's go.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we were also asking them for a commitment of heart.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: As far as like this is a good thing.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: Which honestly, what you're saying about that culture, that almost like how you said we were modeling and practicing how to read the Bible, that those pieces feel like the modeling practice how to do community well or friendship well.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like all of it, there's a life skill piece that's intentional, there's a Bible piece that's intentional, and then there's the community relational piece that's intentional too.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like slow formation versus rigidity of this is how we do it, this is the formula.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh yeah.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: But I loved, um, okay, so then we met, we decided, we had to have plenty of runway.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm gonna tell you that you probably being a habit coach, I've heard people say they've tried to cast vision and a net for people, and people are allergic to long-term commitments.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: I would say you'll find if you're asking someone to do something for their kids, you get higher yeses.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_01: And if you explain that it's uh like um, this is success one year, we can reassess, they're also more likely versus four years, and then hey, let's just have the conversation, you don't have to commit now.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost all the things you can do to warm people up in our culture that's kind of allergic to long-term commitments, the better.
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_01: And then to not be offended if you have to ask different people too, because it's actually beautiful, it's not a you thing, it's probably their allergy to commitments more than I'm getting rejected.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_01: So please be dogmatic and and keep asking until you'll get enough people and then sharing the load, having a Bible piece and a life skill.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_01: And you you probably don't have a brandy in your group.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: One person doesn't have to be the Bible teacher the other day.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_01: You could choose that you're just going through Matthew and you chunk out the scriptures in advance so that day of, you're not doing a lot of prep.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like it didn't take other than cleaning my house, I didn't do a lot of prep because it's lower stakes, even at the age they're at for the life skill teaching, if that makes sense.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: Because if it was like me committing to teach a formal class, I wouldn't have that capacity.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: But casually, like, yes, I can teach off off the cuff.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, and then the next thing is we just list our life skills and plug them in.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, I think what I noticed in our group was people felt hesitant to say they had things worth teaching, but actually being way more creative, like we said, like someone is gonna teach how to organize at some point, and then I probably want to do one on how to write a thank you, like cards.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that would be so good.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's gonna be so simple, but this idea of like, oh, simple counts, don't discount that you don't have something to teach.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: Grab moms that are varied and enjoy the potluck that you get of life skills for the kiddos.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: Anything else that you would say logistic-wise that's important?
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, I uh keep your heart open before the Lord on it.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because it's if okay, so we do it on week one and then you don't do it again until week three.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_02: Usually about Thursday or Friday or Saturday of week three, I'm like, oh, hold on, wait a minute.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, you kind of have that you kind of have that, oh, there's another thing on my calendar.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'd really love to just sit by myself.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know, um, but I'm never ever sorry we've done it afterwards.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the gym, right?
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_01: When you get there, you feel great afterwards.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_02: And the long-term benefits, you you don't get you don't get a strong body from going to the gym once.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: You don't.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's long term, it's repetition, yeah, it's a lifestyle of it.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so just having to push through.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_02: Now, the girls, it's funny, the girls never are like, oh gosh, this is disciplesweek.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: No, they love it.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_01: The girls were always like, Oh, is it happening?
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: Snacks, I should say.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_01: We bred them with snacks is fun.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like that and Audrey's never once been like, mom, no, I don't want to go.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_02: She's always been like, Mom, is it not this week?
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like, remember, we had to like February, maybe we had to do our weeks a little weird, and so they went a little long without seeing each other.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: Audrey was very sad.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, very sad, missing it.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I have to girt up my loins and be like, this is like not only am I so grateful that we have this opportunity, but I'm also committed to it.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so get an extra cup of coffee.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like when you don't want to coach yourself to remind Rhymes.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: When you're talking, I was like, Oh, it's like when someone's telling you, if you're gonna start a college fund your kids, do 20 bucks a month when they're born, and then it's gonna compound the ROI.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: And you're maybe there are months you're so tight, you're like, Do we even have the 20 bucks to invest?
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_01: But you know that you've probably Won't miss it in the same way that you'll be appreciating the interest.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: This is that for that.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: We are investing in their future.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: The oh, I feel so I feel that so strongly.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, we're I actually have to coach myself sometimes when I feel like it's another thing on my calendar.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm investing in the woman she's becoming, it is worth it.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, there's a cost, just like investing, literal investing is, but I know that it's gonna compound to beautiful fruit in the future that I'm gonna trace back to these these Sundays.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we can't we can't expect our children to follow Christ without teaching them how to do it.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like we cannot do that.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_02: To be fair, all life skills like this assumption that you know how to do the things.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_02: You don't.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: How did we learn?
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and and and is there a way that we can make it more grace-filled and more beautiful for our daughters than we had it?
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah like I don't want my girl to learn how to change a tire because she's stuck on the side of the road by herself.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and at the mercy of whoever stops with her.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: I want a girl, I want or or their oil, or um, or I don't want a girl, my daughter, to learn how to do her hair really well because you know, it she doesn't know how to do it, and people point it out often.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, or I don't want people not giving Audrey things because they don't think she's grateful because she doesn't know how to articulate thankfulness.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_01: But she is great, right?
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_02: The just just taking away the assumption that we know and we we probably should do this with adults.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, a hundred percent.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I've given it a little bit of side pulled where I'm like, tell me about that hair track trick again.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_02: And and having creating a group of women that are approachable for that.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like I was driving home from a long trip.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, actually, the woman who taught us how to do tires, and um, I was driving home and I got this sensor on my car.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_02: I called her immediately.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_02: She walks me through it as we go.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_02: We she gives me a stop, you know, a stop measure.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_02: We do the stop measure, it doesn't work.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: Then she she's available to talk me through the next thing.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and there was no amount of like, Brandy, you should know how to do this.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh it was just totally like it was like share letting her strength cover you.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and we that's what we're teaching our daughters too.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think we do as you're saying this, Mike.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think there is that level of you will be formed as well.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's the byproduct, but there will absolutely be something beautiful in you.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I hope you do this.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you have some takeaways.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you want to DM me, you can DM me and I'll ask you.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I'll probably make a little PDF that's really basic of the verbal steps we talked through so that you could take it if you want to replicate this.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: But our hope, like my heart heart after hearing Brandy talk about how much it got multiplied in her community and the long-term difference.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, what if we could just break down the formula and it's a DIY for whatever city you're in, for whatever, like we said, you get to color at whatever phase that was suits you and the women you're gathering, but like just the simple intentionality.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_01: I just can't even imagine what the ROI could be in the next generation.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: She's literally took off hours from being the vice principal to be here.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for that, Brandy.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: I hope there's no messes you're going back to.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do great.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, would you pray for everybody?
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I would love to.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, gracious, Lord, Heavenly Father.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_02: God, thank you that you are good.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you that you have great plans for your children, Lord God.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: I pray that you would, that your grace would fall on us, Lord, that it would empower us to walk towards you.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_02: Lord, let us be sheep that listen for the voice of our shepherd, Lord.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_02: Help us teach our daughters and our children how to have ears to hear and hearts to obey, Lord.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_02: God, um, help us create communities that run towards you together, Lord.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's messy.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_02: Give us um the courage to work through the messes, give us the um stamina to press through the wall that says, Hey, I actually don't want to do this, I'm so tired.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_02: This is just another thing on the calendar, Lord.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because we really do want, we want to bear good fruit, and we can't bear good fruit unless we stay in the vine, right?
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: So help us and help those that we teach, Lord, stay in the vine.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_02: Give us good habits.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I didn't mean to cut you off.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_01: In Jesus' name.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone.