Latest / Jess Ask / Why Good Women Are Still Single (Real Talk) | FT K Boogie | EP 152

Transcript

Why Good Women Are Still Single (Real Talk) | FT K Boogie | EP 152 · Jess Ask

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Yo, it's your girl, Jessica as Smith, and you already
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: know that you've entered the safe space for influencers to decompress,
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: have fun and just ask God.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: For another Do you already know what it is?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And then you know it's about to get real, So
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: be sure to.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Show your girl the love and like com subscribe God.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: For another day?
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: Hey, hey, I know we could be another way.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: It's a new WEEKND just asked the podcast the safe space,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: what transparency meets transformation. I'm your girl, Jessica as Smith,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: and I do nothing without my girl. Does a rate? Hey?
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Does a rate? Hey? Does a rate? Does a rate?
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Does a rate? Does a rate?
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Does a rate?
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Oh? I like that? I like that.
• 0:54
  Speaker 5: I like that.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: This is how she acted church to y'all. Y'all just
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: wouldn't even believe it, Like, yeah, I don't know what
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: she thinking. Her shoulder's gonna do. They're not leaning, they're shaking.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: They're selenium, selenium, to be free of.
• 1:07
  Speaker 6: My worship child, very free, very list.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: The Lord is good, the blood is good, and it's
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: mercy uh endure forever.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: How you doing?
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: I'm good?
• 1:18
  Speaker 6: How are you Jessica?
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: She's so funny. I told her one time she forgot
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: to ask me how I was doing, and now she
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: tried to be smart. I'm well, I'm blessed and I'm excited.
• 1:34
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm excited too.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Are you excited?
• 1:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah, we have a dope guest today.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Dope is an understatement.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Dope.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Dope is if you if you hear the voice, you
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: already know who it is because he is so popular, Like,
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: yes he is, Yes he is. Listen y'all. I met
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: this guy, well, I seen him before I met him, right,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: and I see him and I kind of like, it
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, she's on he's doing his thing,
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: he has a podcast, he's doing, he's outside, you know,
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: he's vibing and all that good stuff. And I was
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: very interesting. And so I got to meet him at
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: El Hudt's Eden greet and it was a mutual type
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: of vibe. Like it was like I was excited to
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: meet him, he was excited to meet me, and I
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: was just like, okay, cool and it was off from there.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: And so today might be a payback for what I
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: did on his on his on his platform, and his
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: platform is the one of the best platforms I've been on. Yes,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: one of the best platforms just because he's a great conversationalist.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: He's very inquisitive in the right in the right way.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: And so I want to introduce the hosts. The creator
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: of Talk Vibe Hustle podcast, my brother k Boogie Yard.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Look at my friend.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, did you put you?
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: You put on your bess. I'm happy and nervous. I
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: don't know. I don't know what I'm about to about
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: to get from you, Okay, But so tell them what
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: happened on your platforms.
• 3:10
  Speaker 5: All right, So we're gonna go ahead and get into
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: this real quick with my camera locking in on y'all.
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: So I asked Jessica to come be a guest on
• 3:17
  Speaker 5: my show, Talk Vibe Hustle. Essentially my show, I interview
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: the person that comes on about their journey, their life
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: and the things that they're going through right now, and
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: to talk about the journey and to where they got
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: right now.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Right We end up talking about me for an hour.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: It would have been longer.
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: It would have been longer had everybody and I had
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: a schedule. But and that wasn't supposed to happen, nor
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: has it ever happened on my show before. I've never
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: been interviewed on my show, and quite frankly, other than
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: one other podcast, I've never been interviewed by anybody else before.
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: So I'm honored to be here. I appreciate you wanting
• 3:49
  Speaker 5: to have me on your platform, but I'm definitely finna takeover.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, so y'all already know that I don't just allow
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: anybody to take over like this. But it was not intentional.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I think we were just so vibing and Trey was like, Okay,
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: we gotta start record. We gotta start recording because y'all
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: just keep talking, and the conversation was so good, y'all.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: One of the things I love about Carrie is that
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: he loves his wife. That's probably my favorite thing outside
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: of him being love of God. We understand that, but
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: how he loved his wife, y'all, women singles, he the
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: hope for us. We got hope because he ynged you
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: thirty one, ain't you, y'all? Mary? Eight years thirty one?
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Got a cute baby girl. You know what I'm saying.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: When I say love his wife, I'm around him. He
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: goes my wife, heeds all. I gotta get this for
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: my wife, or I gotta do this for my wife, like,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: there is no no contradiction of that. You get what
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, and so I'm excited. I haven't met her yet,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: but I can't wait to meet her. Excite about that. Yeah,
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: he'd have to. I don't know how this is gonna go.
• 5:05
  Speaker 5: It's gonna go nowhere. I was just gonna touch on
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: that a little bit. I'm just very forward about leading
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: with my life, you know what I'm saying. And I
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: think that's something that most married men, depending on the
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: type of person they are, they don't do that enough.
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: In my opinion, I think, especially in this industry and
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: this world, that when it comes to content creation and
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: just meeting people in general. I'm upfront about what I
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: got going on because I don't want nobody else to
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: also like catch that vibe and think that it's something different.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Than what it is because you are a friendly person exactly. Yeah.
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: I'm super friendly, easy to talk to, engage in conversations.
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: I'm intent for about friendships, I'm intent for about conversations.
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: So it's hard not to be like to my horn,
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: but it's not. It's hard not to catch that vibe like,
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: oh wait he liked it.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, this ain't that. You know what I'm saying.
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: This ain't that I'm in a very happy, comedyy relationship
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: with the Lord and my wife.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, The Lord and his wife?
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Did you catch them?
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: To catch that?
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Okay, it doesn't right because sometimes the folks be forgetting
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: that that third chord is there. Yeah, yeah, that third
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: cord the Lord.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: You have to you have to consult him.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: I don't think that I have a traditional relationship with
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: the Lord, but I don't think that you're supposed to.
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: I think your relationship is your relationship, no matter.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: What it looks like.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: What's a traditional relationship with I think.
• 6:17
  Speaker 5: A lot of people think of traditional relationships is showing
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: up to church, showing up to all of these other
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: things that make you deem you more in the word.
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: And I'm not. I'm not that type of person. I
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: see counsel through people who do that.
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: And at the same time, I'm just trying to live
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: a blueprint that I think Jesus left behind, and it's
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: to do unto others. Be a good person, Treat everybody
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: like you want to be treated. I treat everybody like
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: I want them to treat My mama you know what
• 6:41
  Speaker 5: I mean, because that's the last thing I want to
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: hear somebody dispat my duke's you know what I'm saying on.
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: The way, Yeah, yeah, that part the way. I don't
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: play by my mom's.
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: I don't play by my mom's and I got four
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: sisters as well, so uh well I got three sisters now,
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: but I don't play by my sisters either, you know
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: what I'm saying, And so I don't know I'm intentional
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: about leading with my life when it comes to that.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, I think it's interesting. I appreciate you bringing
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: it up because that's also been a thought of mine.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Like I'm curious to know, Like for people I got
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: what Illhood called me the other day, a church lady,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: a church lady. But I don't take it as disrespectful
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: because I lead my life leads with like you know that.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: I'm very vocal about that. But like for people like you,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I'm more Sometimes I concern myself if that comes off
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: as like intimidating or whatever, because I don't want to
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: seem like the churchy person that you cannot connect with
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: or whatever. So what what is your like distaste with that?
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: The culture of church now?
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: I think the distaste comes from a lot of the
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: personalities that you run into and a lot of the
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: way people are living their lives as a facade inside
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: of the church, and the way that you approach relationships
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: with other people matters just as much as you approach
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: your relationship with God. It should come with the same
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: grace and understanding. And through growing up, I just had
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: a few experiences where the people that I thought, especially
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: in the church, that were gonna treat me a certain
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: way after certain things happen, a lot of trauma built up,
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: and then you go into the church to seek family,
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: love and acceptance, and you met with comments and sly
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: comments like don't come around just because it's Christmas.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: Meanwhile, this is the first time I'm able to deal
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: with my trauma enough to be around y'all, you know
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: what I'm saying, And so like, moments like that made
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: me realize that not everybody that is necessarily in the
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: church doesn't necessarily live that same blueprint. And so I
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: just like, you know what, I'm cool. I'll show up
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: for the stuff that I need to show up for.
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: I'll talk to the people that I need to talk to.
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: But as far as going into the church on a
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: regular basis and showing my face that it's not something
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: that I necessarily subscribe to, so.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: It wouldn't be something like the reason why you don't
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: go to church is something like what we saw with
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Drew Ski Nah.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Nah, even though what I mean like that's that's very
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: prominent as well.
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I went to a Bishop Eddie Long's church
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: when I was young, and funny, hilarious story I went
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: and his like prime just when when we moved to Georgia.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: He was like the church was really becoming mega church.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: It was a lot going on.
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: And my cousin was a longtime member of the church,
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: and she was like, Hey, you need to join his
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: program for the young fellas. He was like, she said,
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: it's a really good program. They travel the country, this,
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: that and the third. And I was like, I don't
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: know about that. He do too much in my opinion.
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: But he pulled up in a Bentley and I just
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: something about that didn't feel right to me, and so
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: I told I told her about that. Even like what
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: was it like five or six years later they came
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: out that he was touching them boys and their program
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: and stuff like that. And I was like, something told me.
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying. Something told me to stay
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: away from there. Something told me that that's not something
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: I wanted to be a part of.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Do you believe Holy Spirit? Oh?
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Ondred percent.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: So I want to challenge you on something. You're something
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: told you is your Holy Spirit.
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: I just finished two changed book. The voice in my
• 10:10
  Speaker 5: head is God. That's what he said in the entire book.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: You did tell me about that book. I need to
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: get that book.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: I finished it in one night.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: I believe you.
• 10:18
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I'm very big on intuition. Yeah, I'm big
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: on I don't know. I always tell my wife, I
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: think the women have the ability to have foresight. And
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: it's always we always hear it as women's intuition, but
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: I think it's more foresight. Y'all are able to see
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: and feel and understand things well before men are able to.
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: And I think it's just because we don't listen to
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: our intuition as much, because it's too much ego in
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: a way as well. Yeah, and so I also believe
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: that once you get tapped in with the right woman,
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: you you can tap into the energy of being able
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: to have better intuition about things. Now, I'm not saying
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: that mine is the best, but I think I have
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: great intuition when it comes to making different moves. I'm
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: building my platform on talking to the right people, getting
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: in the right spaces. It's putting me where it's supposed
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: to be. Yeah, so I understand that I hear a
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: lot of the voice is definitely God.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely what you just said does a raide just
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: showed me? What was that video with keV Kevi on stage?
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: He was talking about Melissa and why he don't cheat
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: and he was talking about like it was like what
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: are boobies? And you know, but when you got somebody
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: that can tap into like business and business ideas and
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: help you with your life, Like what is going to
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: going to bed with somebody different gonna do? He said?
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: I get that, plus that like I'm gonna be committed
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: to my marriage and so in what ways does your
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: wife help you with your business?
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: So my wife is very good. She has a really
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: good discernment. It's amazing.
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: And sometimes it takes me to not listen for me
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: to start listening more, you know what I mean, Because
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: I'm very hard hitted. But I also I'm a firstborn.
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: You know, I think I know it all, but they
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: take another first born to just slow me down on it.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: She first born as well, but she has this discernment
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: and her decision making skills are amazing, and so when
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: I come to her with dilemmas and conversations that I
• 12:21
  Speaker 5: want to have, it's very easy for me to say
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: exactly what's on my mind. And she is the perfect mirror.
• 12:27
  Speaker 5: There's not a crack, not a chink in it. She's
• 12:29
  Speaker 5: always honest with me. She's always upfront about it. And
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: she also tells me about what my ego is getting
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: in away and my pride is getting away. She's like,
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: you're being a little proud for right now.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: Go check that.
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: Cool say listen, I'm gonna go check it. Because I've
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: had moments where I'm a proud man. I'm a very
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: proud man of myself. I'm proud of what I've accomplished
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: with my life at the age I am. I'm just
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: proud of it all. And so sometimes it does come
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: off as an ego and her having the ability to
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: be like, yo, hey, it's a been much like okay, hey,
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: I understand because I'm not all always the most humble.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Gut in the world, you know what I mean.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: That's a surprise though really, but yeah for me because
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: like what I've experienced from you is like, yeah, you
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: know yourself, but like you're not trying to be like,
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, I'm him. You know what I'm saying, Like
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: you known I would not talk to you if when
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: you were doing all of that. You know, I can't
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: sand people, but I just don't. I just I can't
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: do that, like because I just never been been that way.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: But I'm really curious to know, is like, how did
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: you were you always liked that with her to where
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: you was like, Okay, I can do that because I'm
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: seeing I've seen in marriages to where it's marriages have
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: ended because either the wife or the husband couldn't resolve
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: the ideal. Is I'm helping you be the better version
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: of your soul.
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: I think, to be honest, that's the reason why I
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: was so eager to marry her is because I was
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: able to be the best version of me while we
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: were together. I was able to pursue the best versions
• 13:55
  Speaker 5: of the me I won't carry as much as I
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: can one hundred percent what it looks like. And she's
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: able to create a floor for me to do that.
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: So that's honestly, like, that was the reason I ran
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: back to it just was broke up a year.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: They gonna y'all will have to go.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: Episode that.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Listen, you would get a lot of context of this
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: conversation because we're not we would take too long trying
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: to revisit that conversation. It was our he's and this
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: is somebody that's going to be back on the show.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: So don't worry. Don't worry. This home. Like just like
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: I'm finna go back over there. I'm about to come
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: up over because I owe you. I owe you really,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: Oh you real bad. But so I'm curious. I'm about
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: to let you do something. So Carrie and I have
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: hung out, you know, we've been in spaces together and
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: more recent more recently, but recently. As you get to
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: know people, you get to see different sides, you know,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: you just get to pick up the bar, right, And
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: so he's been learning me. And it's so interesting when
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: men learn me, you know what I'm saying. When women
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: learn me, they be like okay, But when men learn me,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: and they okay, with just being my friend. Let's let's
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: start that we can stay friends.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: As you're learning me, something came up while we was
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: outside just chopping, chopping it up. And so because we're
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: talking about marriage, I want to be married one day.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: I've made it very clear. Does a raise close very
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: close to being married, like very close, like tomorrow we
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: could wake up and she go elope somewhere like I.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: Did it, he did it.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: But I would like to be married one day. And so,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: since you've been around me and I'm about to put
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: myself on the chopping block, what do you think would
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: be the hindrance to somebody like seeing Jessica as their wife.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: I don't think there's a hindrance. I think it's a
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: time thing with you more than anything. I think you're
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: a great person. I think you have a great mind.
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: I think that you would make somebody a great wife,
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: for sure. I think it's just you ain't ran into
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: that person that's able to match your energy. You got
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: a lot going on, but at the same time, you're
• 16:14
  Speaker 5: very organized, detail oriented, and you you got your in order,
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: you feel me, and so with that comes a lot
• 16:23
  Speaker 5: of responsibility for a man. You know what I'm saying
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: because I feel like oftentimes men come into relationship with
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: some guys, I don't know about everybody, but they come
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: into a relationship with somebody like that, and it's intimidating
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: because you want to step into the role of being
• 16:38
  Speaker 5: a leader, but at the same time, this person has
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: already leat herself so far, which honestly was like the
• 16:45
  Speaker 5: case with me and my wife.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: To be honest with you, she older than me, you
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. No, No, I wish.
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: She already know. That's what got right there said, Yeah,
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: she's four years older than me. Four year Yeah, she's
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: four years older than me.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: Love that, but.
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: It's uh, yeah, I just think it's a time thing
• 17:09
  Speaker 5: for you for sure. And I think oftentimes, like I said, guys,
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: it's harder for guys to step into a role of
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: not necessarily having to lead you the same way. You
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: know what I'm saying, And that looks different from for
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: every relationship as well.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Do you think it's important for somebody like me like single,
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: because a lot of women watch this show right between
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: the ages like twenty five forty four right, shout out,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: child age is in the coming. If you single, if
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: you single and ready to man go go ahead and
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: put it in a compan.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: Which you died.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: But you know, we're talking about a lot of women
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: that are that want to be kept by men, you know,
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: be mayor or whatever, but do look like me, and
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: they are striving to be better. They're leading themselves. How
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: would you, in your in your shape, form and fashion,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: suggest that they date and find? Like, how can I
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: know that somebody is mature enough to manage someone like me?
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: That's a great way to put that. Manage is funny.
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: Manage is very funny.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: What word would you use?
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: Co exists?
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, so maybe I just need to change my language
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: from managed to COEs.
• 18:37
  Speaker 5: No, Well, it makes sense, But at the same time,
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: it's it's a it's a you don't want nobody that
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: had much too much control over you, and nor do
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: you want nobody telling you what to do with the
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: life you built for yourself already. And that's something that
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: I don't I don't subscribe to. I ain't gonna tell
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: nobody how to do nothing. My old lady want to
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: do something, go for it, baby, You don't want to
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: build the expertise behind doing it?
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: So why am I?
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: Why do I have anything to say. I'm here to
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: support you, not to take over. That's not my job.
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: But as far as it goes when it comes to
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: I don't know, put yourself out there more. I think
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: oftentimes women don't know, uh, they're putting yourself out there.
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: Guys are more shot than you think they are, you
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: know what I'm saying, Like, I think dudes don't even
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: talk to girls no more in the club and in
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: public spaces, which is crazy to me. That's so great, Like, dude,
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: I don't think dudes got game like they used to.
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: I think that's what it is.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: I think, who is that?
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: The game the rapper he put somebody's screenshot out, like
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: a group of girls screenshot at his him shooting his
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: shot in the d m s and his shot was
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: F three and they was like huh And he was like, oh,
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: I thought it was a vending machine because I see
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: a snack.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: The game the rapper. Are you serious?
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: No, you went to them, you snuck out, but yeah,
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: the game the rapper. Yeah, And that was like He's
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: go to line and then like a bunch of girls
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: start replying to this post with the same screenshot at him,
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: like doing the same thing. He was like, fifteen twenty
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: girls and so like, I just don't think dudes are
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: like game. No more so women like y'all put y'allselves
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: out there. It's a lot of bomb women in the city.
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: I thought I was telling somebody this the other day.
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: I was like, bro, this is mind blowing to me.
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: How many single girls I went into that are really
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: good girls, really good catches, amazing women. And I'm like,
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: this is crazy, Like what are y'all doing? And like
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: the dudes that I know, a lot of dudes single,
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: and I'm like, bro, what are y'all doing? Like y'all
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: not doing it right? Y'all not doing it right? Like
• 20:35
  Speaker 5: what are we doing? It's some bonb women in the city.
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: I think dating the dating pool is definitely dookie, but
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: at the same time it is I just seen, Hey,
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: look I got some homeboys that's still out there.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying to He was like, I
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: know him, but I don't think I would give you.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: I would tell seeing them their way up.
• 20:55
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't do that, thank you, I would do that
• 20:57
  Speaker 5: to you. I like my wife always say, but of
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: a feather, I'm like, that's not true. No, that's not true.
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: I'm the good one at the group, I promise you.
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: But yeah, I don't know. It was just the game
• 21:08
  Speaker 5: ain't the same. But ladies, y'all put yourselves out there.
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: It's a lot of a dope people in the city,
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: a lot of dope women that got a lot for themselves.
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: And I don't know, tell desilreate tell about it. I
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: do you us? Wait? No, So around twenty twenty four,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I started having this conversation with my godfather.
• 21:30
  Speaker 6: He was like, God, baby, you just gotta speak, because
• 21:32
  Speaker 6: you know, I'm kind.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: Of introverted, you know, like I do have like some
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: extroverted tendencies, but pretty much I'm to myself for the
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: most part.
• 21:39
  Speaker 6: So he just kept saying. We just kept having these conversations.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: He's like, God, baby, you just gotta speak because you
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: just never know, like there may be a guy that
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: may be interested and for whatever reason, maybe he's shy,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: or maybe he's had some bad experiences, he may not
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: know that it's okay to approach you. Right, So he said,
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: you just gotta speak. I said, okay, Then what he said,
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: that's it. If they're interested, they will continue the conversation.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: If not, guess what you just you just spoke, right,
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: because I think and and for me that kind of
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: gave me. I'm gonna say permission in a sense, because
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: you know, there's this uh, this conversation about women pursuing
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: men and the conversation you speaking to somebody, isn't you
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: pursuing them? Right?
• 22:18
  Speaker 6: Is you speaking if you are interested?
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: Though?
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: It's hey, how you doing? How you doing? Right? It's
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: letting them know how I'm approachable. I'm open to a
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: conversation and if they and if they catch it, they'll
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: they'll grab on it and the conversation will ensue.
• 22:33
  Speaker 6: Right, So here we go.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: I started noticing this young guy, this young gentleman that
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: was he was looking at my stories, you know.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: He was.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: He was looking at my stories and he would like it,
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: but he would never say nothing like I. I paid
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: attention to this for the scope of a year, right,
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't like an everyday kind of thing.
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: It was just every now and then. I'm like, ah,
• 22:55
  Speaker 6: I don't.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Even know who he is. We was already Facebook friends,
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: but I never remember any type of personal interaction. But
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: I did notice that we had a lot of mutual
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: friends from UAB together. So I was like, okay, obviously
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: probably went to college together, somebody that you know. When
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: you're in college, you just people you ain't know you
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: outside everybody just friending everybody.
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: So here we go January twenty twenty five.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: Everything I posted that week, I noticed that he was
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: looking like and looking like and I was like, I said,
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: you know what, I'm gonna say hello?
• 23:26
  Speaker 6: So I sent the money.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: I jumped into d MS and I said, hey, I
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: see you looking at my stuff. Thanks, I mean cause
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: it's me. I mean, I was like, I said my stuff, yes,
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: and I meant my content right, And I said, I
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: think maybe we've gone.
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: To college together.
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: I just and I hope that you've. I just want
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: to say hello, I hope that your new year has
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: gotten off to a great start. And so he responded
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: back and probably not even out within an hour and
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: we got to wrap it and that's how it happened.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: But once I begin to get to know him, I
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: realized that he probably wouldn't have never said anything to
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: me like he never would have because you know, he's
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: a little different intelligence, he's a little different.
• 24:08
  Speaker 6: Right, So in his mindset.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: It's so interesting because he said when he saw the message,
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: he thought something was wrong because you know, I guess
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: like he's had some experience. Man, he may have said
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: something and like like maybe it was a rejection or
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: they thought that it was more than what it was
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: going to be. So I was like, man, lord, that
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: is that is cool. So I'm agreeing with you that
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: sometimes you know, you just have to just say hello
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: and make yourself available. It's not and that's not a
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: thirsty thing. That's just a hey, how you doing, I'm outside.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: If you're interested, cool, If not, you haven't missed anything
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: like speaking and being nice is not anything speaking to
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: being nice?
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, OG told me when I was younger, you missed
• 24:47
  Speaker 5: one hundred percent of the shots you don't take. Yeah,
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: and so hey when I when I heard that, I
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: was like, oh, I'm still curried. I'm putting him up
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: from everyone.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: So we had to comedy that.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: Hey, hey, hey, I found mine. I got friendly.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: You are aesthetically you know what they call it, esthetically please?
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I was like, what's the word, what's the word aesthetically pleasing?
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: So it's like you got that boundley. So it's like, oh,
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling because I already know I'm fine a real men,
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: you know, but you found that one the lord being
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: in this Clinton game, and you're you're going to like
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: I believe you're well known now, but there's so much
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: more for you to grow into, in so many places
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: for you to be. I'm glad you got a wife.
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: Me too, Me too, Jesus, I'm so happy that Birham
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: is a city should be glad, Jesus, exactly, Jesus, Birmingham
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: is a city.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: Should be glad.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: Like go ahead, go ahead, what you're saying, that's it,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: that's the tweet. But I think I have a I'm
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: nervous about doing something like that, like reaching out to
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: somebody DM, which I'm not DM anybody right now in
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: this season, or looking for somebody to necessarily DM me,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: but I would be. I would be nervous, I think,
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: just because of what I've experienced in the past, and
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: just like well the opposits I had before, I didn't.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: I don't think I did a good job. I think
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: I did a good job. Let's let's not do it.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: That's why, so desert. I don't think I told you this.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: So we went to an event and several of us
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: went out to eat afterwards, right, and so I see
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Caleb at the spot, and so he's with his way but.
• 26:28
  Speaker 6: Carrie, So Carrie, you know how.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: You want to introduce everybody, right, So, not thinking of
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: I was like, hey Caleb, me Carrie, and so he
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: goes not thinking Caleb just walks up on him and
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: like you know, grips him up whatever. He just starts
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: like asking him a question. I was like, oh, he
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: thinks that's that. And I had to say, hey, Caleb, no,
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: he married. And so Carrie responds, he said, I can
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: appreciate that, you know what I'm saying. And one thing
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: I appreciated about both of them that I'm noticing about
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: both of them simultaneously is that now that I, like
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: I have said I want to day, I want to
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: do this, I can see both of them being intentional
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: like who is this? Like am I lying?
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's exactly what he asked me. Questions like yeah,
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: but who are you? That's my brother? All right?
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: It was It was so interesting. I think, why do
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: you why do you feel like that that single women
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: need that type? Uh?
• 27:31
  Speaker 5: I think it's also like it goes to that whole
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: like like I said, I got sisters, you know what
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: I'm saying.
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: And if I could be more involved with my sister's
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: dating life.
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: I would, you know what I'm saying, I would say, like, hey,
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: some of these characteristics ain't laying up my sisters. Don't
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: tell me everything because I'm always honest. I'm always honest.
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: And sometimes folks don't want to hear that. Yeah, And
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: sometimes folks want to hear that that this situationship is
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: actually a good a good time and it's fun and
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: it's gonna be exactly what you want it to be.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: Sometimes people want to hear that I'm not that person.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: Don't call me for that.
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, don't call me to lie to you, don't call
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: me to sugarcoat it. Don't call me for that, because that's.
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: Just not who I am.
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: I wouldn't be your friend. I don't think i'm your friend.
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: If I can lie to you and tell you something
• 28:13
  Speaker 5: that's not good for you, it's good for you. But
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: instances like that, if I mean, hey, hey, oh wait,
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: this system. You know what I'm saying, let me let
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: me let me get the metal to take down real quick.
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying. So, yeah, but now let
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: me see we twenty five minutes and so time for
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: to talk about postle takeover. You know what I'm saying,
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: I'll let you I'll let you get your time.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: I wanted to make sure that you got comfortable in rhythm.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. We got deseiraate with the
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: story drop. You know what I'm saying. It was your show.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: It was your show.
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: But now welcome to an episode to talk about horstle Man.
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: I'm your host, k bugs Man. We got just in
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: the building. I got a couple questions for you, and
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: we can stay on the relationship path right now. Because
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: you've said something to me about three or four times
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: and you haven't giving me much detail on it, which
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: I'm not asking you to give. You give me a lot,
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: but you keep talking about mistakes that you've made in
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: the past, and I'm just super curious. In what way
• 29:09
  Speaker 5: do you mean that Obviously you don't have to give
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: me all the details. Well, no, they didn't got the
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: details on this. They didn't got I'm pretty this is
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: where transparency means transformation. And so I've shared with you
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: privately about the adultery that I was involved in. I
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: take full responsibility of my part, no matter how it's
• 29:31
  Speaker 5: set up. I still when I found out, I just
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: I didn't move, you know, And I think the being
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: gullible has been my weakness.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: I think desiring marriage heavily in an unhealed place was
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: like my default. And I think because I haven't experienced
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: woo uh uh nope, well uh uh no, ma'am uh
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: huh I have. I haven't experienced dating it from a
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: healed space.
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, do you how hell do you think you are? Though?
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: Are you at a space where you feel like you
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: can be completely vulnerable with somebody else and that not
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: be a barrier in between?
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I think I am much better because I'm telling people
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: like you liked about the adultry. I think that's the
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: biggest example, because that's the thing that I was most
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: shamed about, was that I experienced that, and I thought
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: that's who I was like instead of Justa's the one
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: that experience adultery, I said, Justica's the one who's an adulter.
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: Worth It's two different things. And so now that I'm
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: I see myself as the woman that has experienced adultry
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: versus Jessica the adulter. I feel like you might not
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: like it, but I'm telling you what I've experienced, and
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: so I can't tolerate certain things, or I can't maneuver
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: certain ways or X, Y and Z. That's you know,
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: That's why I moved my in my male relationships, I
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: moved to read. That's why I moved away. I moved,
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, just because I just don't
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: have time for it and I'm not about to put
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: myself in a predicament again to where I'm saying, how
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: did I miss this again? Like? How did I not
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: see the signs again? Like? And so I'm probably, like
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: I said, because I am still I'm learning a newer
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: version of me. It's new, and so I'm asking. I
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: asked a lot of questions. I asked. I'm grateful for you.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for Caleb. I'm grateful for Tyler Anderson. I'm
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: grateful for my younger people. It's one thing when you
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: got old people and they you know, it's not he's
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: trying to call y'all old or whatever, but older people
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: that are married or whatever. But younger people that are
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: like actually happy and married and they love their wives.
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: I'm asking y'all these questions. Hey, can y'all hold me accountable?
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: Can y'all watch me can y'all you know this is
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: what's happening before, and I don't want to do dating
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: and secret. There was another problem. I was like your sisters.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: It wasn't that I didn't want to hear it. It
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: was that I was too a shame to say what
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: I was experienced.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: So that's interesting.
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: First, I want to say, you say you felt shame,
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: and I want you to also be aware that don't
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: feel shame or embarrassment for lessons that only time could teach.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: You.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: Know what I'm saying.
• 32:17
  Speaker 5: Life is about progression and getting to a point of
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: learning a lesson. Some lessons we don't learn until we
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: get to that certain point in time. So don't hold
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: yourself like feel shame for that, you know what I'm saying.
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: Only time gonna teach you stuff like that, because everybody's
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: had their slip ups and issues, and trust me, I've
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: had my You know what I'm saying, I ain't been
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: the perfect husband, but I've also learned from my mistakes
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: and being again, like you just said, leading with my life,
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: being upfront about the things that I am moving with intent,
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: and also being aware of my relationships and how I
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: approach each one of them because at one point I
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: wasn't leading in my life and put myself in a
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: situation I ain't had no business being that. You know
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: what I'm saying, and so I can I can totally
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: understand that definitely, back to my.
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: Show, very clear.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Is a monk No no, no, no no.
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: Like I said, I'm just overfriend, I'm very old friends.
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: And then that also made me want to think to
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: say a quote that I heard a couple of weeks ago,
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: and I think I said it in the conversation we
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: were having the other day, and it's having true discipline
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: is having desires without the expectation of an outcome, And
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: I think, like that has to be the whole definition
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: of how you move right now, I feel because you
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: are in a space where you're gonna have a lot
• 33:49
  Speaker 5: of dope people in your life. You have a lot
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: of dope people around you, but you also have a
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: lot of opportunities to learn from them.
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: People in that space, you know what I'm saying, and be.
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: Able to approach marriage with I think a totally different mindset.
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: So this is my next question.
• 34:06
  Speaker 5: Then when it comes to dating, you just ask me,
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: what is something that you think that you're missing for
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: a good marriage, And I want to kind of flip
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: that question back on you, what do you think it is.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: I'm probably hard on myself, so I think clarity on
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: who I should be looking for, like I thought I knew,
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: but and some people say, look, I gotta see I
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: gotta see you. You know what I'm saying, because, Okay,
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: so there's a situation, some situations I've been in where
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: you know, I messaged or you know, it's like, oh, well,
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: you're interested, and that gets me excited. You know what
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, because I'm being seen right and I'm trying
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: to I want to get to a point where being
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: seen is not enough. So I think there's I would
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: say I'm doing well with my healing journey on that,
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: but I think I still need protection from myself in
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: that way. So I utilize, Like I utilize one of
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: my church members and there's a raised man, Like I
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: text them and be like, Hey, what the you mean
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: do I need to respond to this? How should I
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: respond to this? Like, because I don't trust myself to
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: not get too excited about being seen, and I think
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: that's rooting in my childhood, you know, what I'm saying
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: because I am the oldest, and then I've always had
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: like I wasn't. I wasn't the one that was like ooh, gruls, fine.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: You know they's not saying it not They're like saying
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: but they weren't saying it back then. So it's still
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: they're still like, I don't know how attractive I am
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: because we can say, oh, we want, you know, a
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: god lit bear. I want to I want to shape
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: the fied tie. I want all that, but I won't
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: I want that man to be aesthetically pleasing to me
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: in multiple areas. You get what I'm saying. I want
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: what I want, and so I feel like that I'm
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: in my own way sometimes I think that, but I'm
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: striving to be the better version of me, so I
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: can't say necessarily is one thing because the things I
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: would have said, I've been like healing from and I've
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: been tested in these areas, so I can say I'm
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: healing from it, so I can agree with you at
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: the time. But I also like when I'm asking the
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Lord all the time, like what else is it? Like?
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: Am I missing something? Like what I was gonna say?
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: I thought you was gonna say you remember we was
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: outside and I started.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: Pointing like, yeah, sideway.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: So we were in the middle of conversation and y'all
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: know it's things I don't play about. And we was
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: in the middle of conversation and it got to one
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: of them things I didn't play about. I started like this,
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: he said, My hand turned like this, and I started
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: pointing like this. This is little West Side of Birmingham
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: type of thing, probably a whole Birmingham type of thing.
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: I started pointing. He was like, oh, I can tell
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: you don't play which I in my mind, I'm not
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: gonna lie. I've been thinking about that since we left,
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Like I've been thinking about since. I was like, dang,
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: that might be a turnoff.
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: No, but like I told you, it was I running
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: because right before I told you this, I said, you
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: seem like the person that has a lot of boundaries,
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: but in the best way possible, and you stand firm
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: on your boundaries and you don't play about that. And
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: the conversation we was having was you not playing about
• 37:36
  Speaker 5: your boundary. Any turn to the kill shot and I
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: was like, like I said, like clockwork, so ain't nothing
• 37:43
  Speaker 5: wrong with that? Again, Like I keep saying I don't
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: think nothing wrong with that at all. I think if anything,
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: that's going to allow you to attract the right person,
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: who can that's gonna say deal with that, but be
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: able to coexist with that kind of personality, and that
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: person should also come with the same level of discernment
• 37:59
  Speaker 5: for their boundaries and the things that they got set
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: up in their life as well.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want And this might be crazy to say,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: but I really the men that I have my life,
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: Greg Riley, you, Caleb Tyler, Ryan Jackson, Like I look
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: at y'all. Cadero can't forget about you, brother in law.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: I see how y'all not only love the women that
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: you guys are attached to, especially Cadero with Deserray, I
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: get it firsthand. But I see how y'all are still
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: able to love me in a sisterly fashion to where
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: I want. I want that from my mate, like my partner,
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: my husband. And it's like I don't want to always
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: have to be the friend to the husband that has
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: it right, you know what I'm saying. I feel like
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: I'm up in that space.
• 39:04
  Speaker 6: Okay, So I hear you, and I love it.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: Why because it's just a beautiful picture of we we
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: had a conversation about the rushing conversation, about the waiting
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: conversation and what the Lord is doing because you have
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: done relationship wrong, but you're gonna be honest like you've
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: you've been so used to doing relationship wrong. He's placing
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: men around you to show you what real love is
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: in a in a and and and it doesn't have
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: to look like a because I think sometimes we equate
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: love with six, we equate love with because I was
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: I was getting there, take me through, that, take me through,
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: but I'm nine muths clean, clean, clean clean.
• 39:54
  Speaker 6: What he's saying is just like you're valuable enough, like
• 39:58
  Speaker 6: you're more than that.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: Let me show you what true love is so that
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: when you encounter it, like when you encounter it, you'll
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: know that it's from the Lord because you've had an
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: opportunity to heal through some of the spaces that you've
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: been hurt in because of the men that are around
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: you that loves you unconditionally, because it's you. Because you know,
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: we had conversations about you're worried about somebody gonna think
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: you're too much or try to make you make dumb
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: you down, or water you down on X, Y and Z.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: Well you can behold Jessica, and he's giving you tangible
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: examples of men that love you, that don't want nothing
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: from you. Yeah, and that's the Lord. The Lord loves
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: us and he don't want nothing, He don't want nothing
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: from us, but for us to choose him back.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: That's it exactly. That's a very good point because I'm
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: a firm believer that seeing is believing. Yeah, you know
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying.
• 40:53
  Speaker 5: One of my favorite quotes from the Santa Claus, the
• 40:55
  Speaker 5: first Santa Claus movie, when he was like, you know,
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: the kids don't believe in Santa Claus no more because
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: they don't see him.
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: You know, seeing is believing.
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: So seeing those real life examples, seeing that like real
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: love can be achieved, Seeing what the example of what
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: the type of man that you would want to be
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: in your life. Also it matters as well because when
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: it's time for you to be presented with that ring,
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: you got to know if it's gonna be fake or not,
• 41:15
  Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying, And you're gonna have to
• 41:17
  Speaker 5: be able to inspect the whole situation and be like,
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: you know what, this ain't necessarily the same way that
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: I see it and I want for myself. And then
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: also don't get to the point where you settle either,
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: because again, time ain't waiting on nobody. We are getting older,
• 41:30
  Speaker 5: but don't settle, you know what I'm saying, because you
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: don't want to settle and then look back in a
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: few years and be like, dang, I've really wasted my life,
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. And that's one of the
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: things that I keep very very honest with my wife
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: when it comes to conversations we have when it comes
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: to when we're not seeing eye to eye. Heyt's sit
• 41:48
  Speaker 5: down and revisit this. Because I don't want to be
• 41:51
  Speaker 5: married to somebody who is miserable, nor do I want
• 41:55
  Speaker 5: to be married to someone who doesn't want to be here.
• 41:57
  Speaker 5: And life is too short for us to just be
• 42:00
  Speaker 5: here because we got a kid together, because we got
• 42:02
  Speaker 5: a bills, because we got a more that's life is
• 42:05
  Speaker 5: too short for that.
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: Life is way too short for that. I want you
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: to be happy.
• 42:08
  Speaker 5: I want you to find that person that's gonna make
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: you happy, you know what I'm saying. And if I'm
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: not that person, let that be that. I'm okay with
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: that am I okay with that. Like as far as
• 42:17
  Speaker 5: like not being together. Hey, you know, one day I
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: might be, but she always tell me if me and
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: her not meet together meant to be together, then it
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: must be me and God. So I said, I think
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: that you're gonna send me to the upper room. I'm
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: being sent to the upper room.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: It sounds like to me screaming.
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: But to your point, though, it's that's just you know,
• 42:37
  Speaker 5: don't don't don't settle though, you know what I'm saying,
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: don't don't wait too long, but at the same time.
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: Don't sew.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm trying. I feel like I am. I was
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: just telling Desert right this few a few moments ago.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: I think I'm getting to the point where waiting is okay.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: But I'm almost like baby baby is thirty five next year,
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: as I mean, and I try not to because I
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: do believe, and you know, having faith. I've seen, you know,
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: even my own bonus mother. She was in her forties
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: or late late thirties, early forties when she had my brother,
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. But I also saw the
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: struggle that she had with her pregnancy as far as like,
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: you know, just the things that when you're younger, you
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: don't deal with it as much. You know what I'm saying,
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: It becomes high risk. They call it high risk pregnancies
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: for a reason. So it's not like I haven't seen it.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: So I try not to concern my concern myself with
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: those things, you know what I'm saying, Like, I haven't
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: accidentally been pregnant before. So I even cushed and God, like, hey,
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: come on, am I apel doesn't work? Like I have
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: those real questions. I know y'all be having them questions too.
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: Whereas since this hasn't happened by now, what does it
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: look like for me? You know what I'm saying. Like,
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: And so even in settlem, I think of the idea
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: of not even just settling with the fact of a
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: man that might not be for me, but selling the
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: fact that, Okay, I'm just not gonna be married. I
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: don't want to settle there either.
• 44:12
  Speaker 5: I what's crazy? Before I met my wife, I settled
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: on it. I thought I'd never be married ever.
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: Never crazy that was.
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: It was never a point of my mind that I
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: was like, that's something I wanted to do. Never I
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: never wanted kids. It just never crossed my mind and
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: you got all of it.
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: Can live without it.
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: What you said, without your girl, my life is incomplete.
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: Come on, man, come on, say come on man.
• 44:43
  Speaker 5: But I wanted to talk about something you said earlier
• 44:45
  Speaker 5: because it's like something that's happening to me now I
• 44:47
  Speaker 5: can experience it as well as you said that. Back then,
• 44:50
  Speaker 5: folks weren't checking for you. But now that you you
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: feel like you find that you look better now. I
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: feel like that's like what my life has been for
• 44:56
  Speaker 5: the past like four or five years. It's like I
• 44:59
  Speaker 5: don't remember like being somebody that was sought out, like
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: growing up, I don't remember being like the type of
• 45:05
  Speaker 5: dude that like girls really wanted to talk to for real,
• 45:08
  Speaker 5: and so like maybe like the past like three years,
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: it's definitely like one hundred percent change. I've always had
• 45:15
  Speaker 5: a lot of confidence, but as far as like being
• 45:18
  Speaker 5: aware of like who the dude in the room that
• 45:20
  Speaker 5: the girls, all the girls want to talk to, it was.
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: It's never been the top of my mind, and it
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: was me. And so now that I'm in a space
• 45:27
  Speaker 5: where I ain't gonna lie, sometimes i feel like I'm
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: desirable to people because.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: I'm married, and that's the weirdest thing in the world
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: to me. But that blows my mind.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: That is a real thing.
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is not for me.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Let me make that very clear.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: Not for me.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: I don't want nobody else, man, I really don't, you
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. So, but that is a thing,
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: and I'm learning that that that is a very unhealthy thing.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: But I'm told this is when I'm told this is
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: well here in the streets, that because they don't want
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: the responsibility that your wife has, like because I have
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: had experience in adultery and that I was a super
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: saving That's really what got me too. You know when
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: I did find out it was no, this ain't happened.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: This ain't happened. It's dead already. Woh blah blah blah,
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: all these other things. We have to have that conversation.
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: So when I reflect on it, and I'm like, but
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: everything you telling me she complained about, I'm complaining about
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: right now. You know what I'm saying, Like, they can't
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: save you. You need to save yourself, you know what
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: I'm saying. So you got you have women that are
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: you know, want to be super savings like I have been.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: You got women that don't want the responsibility. You have
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: the women that just want the guy, and they want
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: the guy so bad that they don't care about the covenant.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: But the thing about tearing up covenants is that end
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: up tearing you up, like in the in the most
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: interesting way possible. You Like, Lord, did I really plant
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: that for myself? Did I? Did? I just harvest what
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: I just dished out? You get what I'm saying. But
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: women like and men too, she don't get it twisted.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Men like married women?
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think I think that's for different reasons though,
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: Like what and I I really don't rock with people
• 47:29
  Speaker 5: who do this. First of all, I don't rock with
• 47:31
  Speaker 5: people that uh men, especially when they when they prey
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: on the fact that women are miserable in their marriage.
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: That's weird to me. That's weird to me because it's
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: like my OJ used to, I mean, my OG used
• 47:45
  Speaker 5: to always tell me. He was like, man, you mess
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: with a married woman, somebody gonna sleep with your wife
• 47:49
  Speaker 5: one day. That's that's how that carra come back to you.
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: And that Hey, that shook me. That was enough to
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: shook me. Hey, hey, hey, you know what, because if
• 47:56
  Speaker 5: I do decide to get married, that it's like, I
• 47:58
  Speaker 5: don't think that I'm the type of that can handle
• 48:00
  Speaker 5: like coming back to a relationship after that. Yeah, because
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: I already got it in my mind now that if
• 48:05
  Speaker 5: I ever get a divorce, I'm not getting married again.
• 48:07
  Speaker 5: I'm good on that really. Oh yeah, yeah, I don't
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: think I can love somebody as much as I love
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: my wife. I don't think I can commit to the
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: amount of change growth I had to go through the
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: amount of attention a person truly deserves in a marriage,
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: the way that.
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: Somebody really needs you in a marriage. I don't. I
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: don't think I would be able to get at to
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: somebody else. So if you know, right hand on the Bible,
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: I hope it doesn't ever happen. But that's just I'm
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: good on that.
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: And the way you love her though I don't have.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: I highly doubt you're You've already grown with her for
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: the past eight years.
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I'm a dummy. I'm a dummy, you know
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I do stupid stuff.
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: I put myself in situations I ain't got no business
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: being in and not necessarily saying something happened. But even
• 48:53
  Speaker 5: if you in the bank, when the bank get robbed,
• 48:55
  Speaker 5: you still are accomplished in some form of fashion, you
• 48:57
  Speaker 5: know what I'm saying.
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: So I.
• 49:00
  Speaker 5: I try to be better about the things that I
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: say out loud. But me being a podcast whole, say,
• 49:05
  Speaker 5: sometimes I just say stuff without thinking too fast.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: Ye, And I think, let me just put a pin
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: right there, y'all gotta go ahead and walk with if
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: you with somebody that's like a content creator a podcast
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: or anything special podcast, right, because there's a level of
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: transparency that is required to be a good podcaster, right,
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: And I think that it's like I don't want I'm
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: not a know it all. That's why I tell you, Hey, yeah,
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: I've been an adult you twice. You know what I'm saying, Like,
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: this is something I had to overcome, this shame I
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: had to overcome. I just got free from this last
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: year as far as like the idea of being an adulterer.
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: So it's like, oh, okay, cool, So if you if
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: you friends with a podcast and we say just just
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: walk with Grace, ain't nobody, ain't nobody trying anybody feelings?
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, to walk with Grace. It's definitely like tough having
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: certain conversations with people. Like I said, some people just
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: don't like having conversations with because I'm gonna tell you
• 49:56
  Speaker 5: the truth. Yeah, but yeah, I just you know what
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: I'm saying. Sometimes I talk too much, and my wife
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: said I smile too hard and that's enough to get
• 50:03
  Speaker 5: me in situation. I ain't got no business being there.
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: But just long story short, the point I was trying
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: to make is that I don't know just being in
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: a marriage and being with my person, like, I don't
• 50:17
  Speaker 5: see that happening over again.
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: Though I couldn't, couldn't. I'm good on that.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: So does that mean you're gonna fight as hard as
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: you can for this?
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: Uh?
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I gonna throw something No, no, no, no.
• 50:31
  Speaker 5: I ain't the type of person that's finna seeing self
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: sabotaged because, like I always tell her, I got married
• 50:35
  Speaker 5: to get married to stay together forever. I didn't get
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: married just because it sounded fun. Yeah, I wanted to
• 50:40
  Speaker 5: be together forever and if it if it for whatever
• 50:43
  Speaker 5: reason don't work out, cool, But it's like, at the
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: same time, it ain't cool.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: That's my best friend, that's that's my favorite person to
• 50:51
  Speaker 5: talk to. It's my favorite person to get ignored by,
• 50:54
  Speaker 5: to get on her nerves. You know what I'm saying,
• 50:56
  Speaker 5: Raise a family with, go through this life thing together,
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: struggle with, come up with, be back down, be back up.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: It's it's we've done it all, you know what I'm saying.
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: We met.
• 51:05
  Speaker 5: When we met, we were making one hundred and sixty
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: seven dollars every two weeks at the job we were working. Wow,
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: we got all photos of us sleeping together on the
• 51:14
  Speaker 5: twin mattress, and I'm like, this has never happened now,
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: never happened now, So yeah, we just we've been locked
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: in for a very very long time. I don't see
• 51:23
  Speaker 5: myself even wanting to get up. I don't even think
• 51:25
  Speaker 5: I would date for real, Like I'm not.
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: You can just feel the pain, like when you think
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: about it, yeah yeah, yeah, now about it. It's like
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: it hurt to even say it.
• 51:36
  Speaker 3: Sounded like y'ah. Yeah no.
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: Because I'm gonna tell you the thing that gets me,
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: that makes me no matter what I'm gonna I'm gonna
• 51:43
  Speaker 5: do what I gotta do to stay married and stay
• 51:44
  Speaker 5: in in the happy marriage is I can't. I can't
• 51:47
  Speaker 5: even stomach the fact that my daughter could call somebody
• 51:49
  Speaker 5: else dad. I can't even stomach that I can't stomach
• 51:53
  Speaker 5: that at all. No, absolutely not, because that means that
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: I'm not doing my job enough that he doing his
• 51:59
  Speaker 5: job that you feel the need to call him dad.
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that also means that she probably got married again,
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: Hey we are doing We ain't doing that.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: So I'm curious. I want to know when when men
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: take a while to propose, because how long did it
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: take you to propose? But let's okay, so you were
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: how you were? How old when y'all started dating?
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: It was nineteen and she.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Was and y'all got married when you were twenty three,
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: so that's four years.
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but we we had a little breakup in between
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: them for like a year and a half.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Go to the other episode. Why I'm just saying we're
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: gonna make it. You'll get all the details there. So
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: with that, there are men that are in these long
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: relationships with women at in their thirties. What's why? Why
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: if you if you're in it, and I mean like
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: they may or may not have a family with them,
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: but especially the ones they got a family. Yeah, what
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: what's going on? What would you? What have you experienced
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: being the reason why they just want?
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: You know, I don't know.
• 53:16
  Speaker 5: To be real, I don't know because I'm not like that.
• 53:19
  Speaker 5: Like like after we started back dating. I think I
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: proposed to eight months after we started back dating.
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Do.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: We have to break up with you in order?
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: Sometimes you gotta know what you want, know what you need,
• 53:30
  Speaker 5: and lose it in order to know that that was
• 53:32
  Speaker 5: meant for you, you know what I'm saying.
• 53:34
  Speaker 3: And so I had to go through that. You know
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I lost her.
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: She had dated somebody else, you know what I'm saying,
• 53:41
  Speaker 5: Like full long, got a whole nother boyfriend girl.
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: When new Facebook picces hit the market, Jesus, I thought
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: I had time my voice get the crash.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Boy.
• 54:00
  Speaker 5: Then oh my god, then she posted she was single,
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: and I was like, yeah, she's single.
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: But then like the next picture she posted she was
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: in New Orleans. What you up?
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: That's why you know you got Yeah, Gena, that was me,
• 54:22
  Speaker 2: Oh gino please?
• 54:25
  Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, yeah, Ye're not for real. So yeah,
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: I forgot what we was talking about that I got
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: into that.
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: I had an old God, I had a flashback of
• 54:37
  Speaker 5: that time we went together and I was I was
• 54:39
  Speaker 5: in the sunken place you did.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: That's why you're not trying to go back. When you
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: experience pain, people all say, well, why does God allow pain?
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: Pain is not punishment. Pain is your reminder that you
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: might not want to go back to the place that
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: you just came from. Okay. If somebody touched a hot
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: stole and get burnt and you got a scar, you
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: got a scar to remind you, hey, you might not
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: want to touch their store wise. Okay, So what we
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: were talking about was that, like you, we have these
• 55:10
  Speaker 2: situations where a couples are together a long time and
• 55:14
  Speaker 2: the man is not Uh it's not that they don't
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: want to get married, but they haven't proposed yet. I've
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: been in a situation. I've been in conversations where I've
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: just recently learned that too long ago, that there are
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: several women that I've been in amongst that have proposed
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: to their husbands.
• 55:38
  Speaker 3: That's interesting.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: How did what do you think about that?
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: So my wife's mom proposed to her dad, Okay, yeah,
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: and irp sticks man, it was really one breathing man.
• 55:50
  Speaker 5: Her dad was a real one. He it blew his
• 55:55
  Speaker 5: ego up to the max. You know what I'm saying okay,
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: and honestly, his ego. It was one of my favorite
• 56:00
  Speaker 5: parts about him though, Like that wasn't a room in
• 56:04
  Speaker 5: the world that the walls didn't already have his name
• 56:07
  Speaker 5: on it.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. I really envied that about him.
• 56:11
  Speaker 5: But yeah, so I've never heard it until I met her,
• 56:14
  Speaker 5: and I don't think I'm the type of person that
• 56:17
  Speaker 5: can happen to because again, ego through the room ash.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: And until she proposed to you, my boy, that you
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: ain't doing that. That's how I would look at it.
• 56:25
  Speaker 5: But at the same time, I think women deserve to
• 56:27
  Speaker 5: have that moment because I think, and maybe maybe this
• 56:30
  Speaker 5: is not every woman a woman's perspective on marriage and
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: having that moment, but I think that every little girl
• 56:37
  Speaker 5: grows up thinking like I want to be proposed to
• 56:39
  Speaker 5: somewhere beautiful. I want a man to drop down to
• 56:42
  Speaker 5: his knee and really just asked me to be his wife.
• 56:44
  Speaker 5: I want to have the opportunity to either a have
• 56:46
  Speaker 5: a big wedding or I want the ceremony to look
• 56:49
  Speaker 5: exactly how I wanted to look. There's not a dude
• 56:51
  Speaker 5: on the planet to say, man when I one day
• 56:53
  Speaker 5: when I propose. Already know I'm gonna do it it.
• 56:55
  Speaker 5: I already know how I'm gonna do it with shoes. No,
• 56:57
  Speaker 5: don't dude think about that until you.
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: In that moment.
• 57:00
  Speaker 5: So for women, I think y'all deserve to have that moment,
• 57:03
  Speaker 5: just like I think most women deserve to live the
• 57:05
  Speaker 5: life that they envisioned for themselves. Because I believe that
• 57:08
  Speaker 5: as a husband, once you take that leap and become
• 57:12
  Speaker 5: a husband, you are taking over the duties that her
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: father had. You know what I'm saying. You protect her now.
• 57:17
  Speaker 5: You are the first line of defense. You provide for her.
• 57:19
  Speaker 5: You the first one that she's gonna come to when
• 57:20
  Speaker 5: she needs. And providing doesn't necessarily look like finances. Providing
• 57:24
  Speaker 5: comes with mental stability. Can you come to me when
• 57:27
  Speaker 5: you're having a bad day and I'm not gonna overreact
• 57:29
  Speaker 5: when we are having a bad day? On top of that,
• 57:32
  Speaker 5: am I gonna be able to provide a safe space
• 57:34
  Speaker 5: for you to be happy, be friendly, be able to
• 57:37
  Speaker 5: have a candid conversation with me? Am I gonna provide
• 57:40
  Speaker 5: you the space to be honest with me. Tell me
• 57:42
  Speaker 5: you don't like me today, tell me the way I
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: did something really bothered. You tell me that when I
• 57:46
  Speaker 5: go out and I be with this person X person
• 57:48
  Speaker 5: that person too long, that gets on your nerve. That's
• 57:50
  Speaker 5: a safe space that I provided to make sure that, hey,
• 57:53
  Speaker 5: we on the same page. And so all of those
• 57:56
  Speaker 5: things matter when it comes to the whole being a husband,
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: accepting that role, and some dudes don't want to accept
• 58:03
  Speaker 5: that role because they also see that sometimes when a
• 58:05
  Speaker 5: girl come from a good dad, that's some big shoes
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: to fear. And hopefully I'm doing my job as a
• 58:11
  Speaker 5: father right now that my daughter be like that. At
• 58:13
  Speaker 5: the same time, like, hey, nah, my daddy did everything.
• 58:16
  Speaker 5: I had a ball headed daddy.
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. Hey, every little girl with
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: a ball headed daddy. Hey, my daddy liked that for real.
• 58:23
  Speaker 5: And I want to make sure that I'm creating that
• 58:25
  Speaker 5: image because I don't want nobody, sorry son, to come
• 58:27
  Speaker 5: into my daughter life and break her heart. So again,
• 58:31
  Speaker 5: just going back to that, it's like, you know, some
• 58:33
  Speaker 5: dudes see that and be like, Yo, that's a lie.
• 58:34
  Speaker 5: Your daddy do a lie for you. You know what
• 58:36
  Speaker 5: I'm saying. I can't do that, you know what I'm saying.
• 58:37
  Speaker 5: And that might take a long time, like she got everything.
• 58:40
  Speaker 5: But you know what I'm saying, the second I proposed
• 58:42
  Speaker 5: to her, Daddy gonna stop doing as much. Or maybe
• 58:44
  Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying, the person that she is
• 58:46
  Speaker 5: is not something that he want to fully commit to.
• 58:48
  Speaker 5: But it's fun for right now, and which is in
• 58:50
  Speaker 5: my opinion again, life too short for that. And my
• 58:54
  Speaker 5: mom used to always tell me when I was younger,
• 58:55
  Speaker 5: if you're gonna date, you gotta lead with honesty. And
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: so when I used to date, I tell, hey, I'm
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: talking to her. I talked to her, I talked to her,
• 59:03
  Speaker 5: And if you want to be a party, just let
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: me know. But if not, hey, hey, no no skin
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: off my back at all, because I'm always be honest
• 59:10
  Speaker 5: about what I got going on and how I'm trying
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: to move.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: It's interesting that you bring up. I love the fact
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: that you said you're taking a position of her father, right,
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: because that's the.
• 59:22
  Speaker 5: Whole parts and responsibility, roles and responsibility.
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: Thank you. You see, he corrected me out loud. But
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: I love how you said that because and I think
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: I didn't realize how much that comes out, you know,
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: because I don't know if I told you this or not.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: My daddy raised me and my sister, so we you know,
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: it's easy for us to come off is you know,
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: I can take care of myself type thing. My sister
• 59:51
  Speaker 2: deal with the same thing. I can take care of myself.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: I can do it myself if I'm asking you, That's
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: that's the hard part. The hard part is asking you.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: So when I ask you and you you don't act great,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: You ain't got to where about me asking a gif
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: don't let me ask you something? And it's like you
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: act like you don't have it together. I'm not gonna
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: beg the second time is big. Yes, okay, And so
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: there's something also I probably should work on.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: Like have your standards, have your boundary.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: Okay. So I was talking to a friend and he
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: was bringing he had like randomly brought the fact that
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: he was like, I can tell you was you had
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: your dad in your life. And I was like why,
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: and he was like he brought up the fact that
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: like when I was around, and then like men came
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 2: like men were gathering around him or it seemed like
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: they were having a conversation. I was originally part of
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: the conversation. I would dismiss myself.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: You did that the other day, I did, yeah, oh no,
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 5: continue though, gonna get there, okay, uh huh.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: So I I never recognized that by myself, but I
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: guess subcusely, I'm like, maybe I shouldn't hear that. And
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: to be honest, I only I don't remember my daddy
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: saying teaching me that I had now I wasn't a
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 2: good relationship, one of those adultter relationships. They were separated, okay,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: and he didn't tell me that he was still legally married,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: still legally going through all this stuff like that, And
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: so they ended up getting a voice and we were
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: like full fledged relationship. Is almost lasted like five years,
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: and he was ten years older than me. Yeah, I
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: thought it was I thought we were gonna be married.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: I thought I thought we were gonna be married.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 5: Like that's a whole I know, Yeah, look how much
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 5: time Because every time he said that's like another three questions,
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 5: He's like, okay.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: Go ahead, go ahead.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: So so one of the things I seen him do
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: in front of me, my cousin was trying to have
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: a a very masculine conversation and it was about his
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 2: relationship with some of his frustrations in that relationship and
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: me and my cousin tight, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: So he just thinking, hey, this is my cousin, this
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: is not a woman, you know what I'm saying. And
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: so that we all in the car and he's just talking,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: and several times my boyfriend at that time, my ex
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: at that time, he was trying to shut him down,
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: like not talk about it. And he finally was like, hey,
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: there's certain some conversations I do not want to have
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: in front of Jessica. And it's not that I don't
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: trust that she can handle it. It's just that I
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: just want to protect her because I don't. And so
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: afterwards he came and told me. I said, I said,
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: what made you? What made you say that? Like, cause
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I was I didn't fully understand it,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: and so he said, well, I want to protect your ears.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: I don't want you like certain things I don't believe
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 2: that you should like should hear men talking about So
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: I was like, okay, So I think I think that
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: habit came from that and not being around my dad.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: Even though I didn't hear necessarily conversations my dead you
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, So I didn't notice that I
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: would just walk away out of the room. Yeah, and
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: for that, but he brought it, My friend brought it
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 2: up to He was like, yeah, you was raised about
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: your daddy because you'd be walking over you walk off
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: when men started talking.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: Huh. Okay, so a yeah, you did do that the
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 3: other day. You didn't.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 5: You didn't walk off, but you disengaged from the conversation
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 5: when some folks came out of the venue stand in
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 5: front of me, and you was talking first, and then
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 5: other folks started coming up and I introduced you to them.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 5: We were talking, and then you disengaged in the conversation.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 5: And it was when I was talking to the group
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 5: of dudes that came out as when you fully disengaged
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 5: from the conversation. Granted, I ain't expect you to stay
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 5: within this stupid conversation these fluds, but at the same time,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 5: I peeped it, you know what I'm saying. So that's
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 5: interesting that you say it came from that, and I'm
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 5: so I'm gonna say that's one hundred percent of red
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 5: flag in my opinion. Okay, talked me through it because
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 5: the way I see it, especially when it comes to
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 5: relationship and the relationships advice. I want my lady to
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 5: be in front of me when I'm giving somebody advice,
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 5: because if I'm saying it in a way that I'm
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 5: not performing it, I want you to call me out
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 5: on it.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. Don't let me sit here and.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 5: Tell somebody give some advice on something I ain't even
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 5: doing myself, you know what I'm saying. So when it
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 5: comes to like protecting you, what am I really protecting
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 5: your ears from? You know what I'm saying. What am
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 5: I really finna say that this man that I really
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 5: even if you my safe space is something I should
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 5: have already explain to you anyway.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 5: We've already should be in a comfortable position where me
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 5: and you done talked about it enough that if I
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 5: say it to somebody else, it ain't even battening your
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 5: ear at all, you know what I'm saying. Because there's
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 5: a difference between being honest with somebody in transparent, It's
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 5: a huge difference between the do two. Honesty is telling
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 5: my lady that I'm going out with a group of
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 5: my homeboys, I'm going out with friends. Being transparent is
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 5: telling her that there ain't nothing but girls in this
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 5: group that I'm going out with. If you cool with that,
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 5: making sure that that you're aware of all the details
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 5: rather than the grand scheme of it all. Yeah, So
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 5: in that moment, it seems like he was being honest
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 5: about not wanting to you to hear it, but not
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 5: being transparent about what he was going to say.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: That's good. I never thought about it that way. I
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 2: also never told nobody that I ain't well, you.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: Know, man talked about host Man. We had these kind
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: of conversations with folks. Ain't having everywhere it did this
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 3: is my dude.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 5: But one more questions that it's a real burning question
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 5: to me, And I just really want to know your
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 5: true answer on it. With your past being an adulterer, right,
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 5: do you think that that's going to be a hard
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 5: thing for your future person to get over?
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I honestly don't know. I think about it.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: I feel like, sometimes, okay, so sometimes I think that
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: my honest, my transparency will be held against me, especially
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: I don't want to hear it in an argument. I
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: don't want to hear it as because me being transparent
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: is just like, hey, these these are some things I've
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: experienced because I want you to know all of me,
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: and I want you to know me because I don't
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: want you to find I should you shouldn't have to
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: find out in the street what would happened, you know
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying and intricate details. I want to be
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: able to say that so it won't be a like
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: any confusion. But also so like if somebody were to
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 2: tell you, oh, just because no, no, no, no, she's
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: not like it because she puts this in place, like
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying, and I would hate for
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: somebody to know something about me that you don't, and
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: so but I would hope that it did. It Also
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 2: because one of the men that I was in that situation,
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: adultery situation with usage against me, it's a trigger, it's
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: a trigger thought if I'm honest, Because for one, if
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: I'm honest, I'm like, dude, you kind of like set
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: yourself set it up to be like this, because if
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 2: I knew originally I want to you know, been participating
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 2: in this party, but not only I was invited, I was,
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: I was headlighting it. You know what I'm saying, We were,
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: you know, doing things and to use it against me
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 2: as wild. So I was like, if he used it
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: against me, why wouldn't the person you know, I'm committed
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: you tried to use it against me, so that I
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: think that's why I'm practicing being okay with being transparent
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: about it now, because one, for one, it's how I
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: was able to denounce shame, and two I'm called to
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: something greater, like there are people watching, there are women watching.
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: I've had married women coming to me and say thank
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 2: you for your perspective because I never I never saw
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: it like that. I never thought I thought it was
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: always the homewreck, a fault. You know what I'm saying,
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 2: not knowing, Like, hey, if you really know the situation,
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 2: don't I don't want to better as it. I really don't.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: So me and lie like they lie, real tough lie
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: and withhold. So I wonder that, but I try to
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 2: stay there because it would keep me back into shame
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 2: that I just removed myself from.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, I.
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 5: I really really really want to praise you for being
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 5: transparent about that, because I think moving it into a
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 5: situation is transparent about that as possible, gives you the
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 5: opportunity to see how.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 3: Much grace you're gonna get from your person.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 5: And I think grace is one of the most important
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 5: things in a relationship because we're not perfect. And one
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 5: thing I think most people find out after they get
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 5: married and end up with a person is although this
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 5: person isn't the same person that I thought I was married,
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 5: I'm still in.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: Love with you.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 5: You and this battle that we're gonna go through and
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 5: this growth that we're about to go through together because
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 5: you learn more about everybody the more time you spent
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 5: around them, no matter how much how much time you
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 5: spent prior to that moment.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 5: So, yeah, I hope that that'll be an initial way
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 5: for you to find out how much grace you'll be
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 5: able to have, because again, it's important.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: That's so good. I never thought about it though that way, like,
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: all right, the measure of grace. If you can't give
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: me grace on this and I don't even know what
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: we're finna face, yes exactly.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 3: You don't know what. I promise you.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 5: Some of the stuff that me and my wife have
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 5: gone to gone through, I would have never in a
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 5: million years whether you expected it to happen. But the
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 5: way that we handled some Some things didn't handle get
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 5: handled with grace.
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 5: Some things, Hey, I'm gonna hang up on you and
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 5: we ain't talking for a few days. Yeah, and then,
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 5: like I told you, I used to travel for work,
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 5: so I would be going for four or five months
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 5: at a time, and so uh, and that leaves a
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 5: lot of opportunity. You know what I'm saying, I don't mind.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 5: Is the devil's playground.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 3: But that's also it taught me again.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 5: Like that quote I told you earlier, is that having
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 5: desire without without acting on them or expecting the outcome,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 5: it's true discipline.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 3: So you know what I'm saying, held it down. But
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: you said you're on a month nine. Been the month nine, mom,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 3: think I hit like one. You know what I'm saying.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 5: Somebody had to get fluid out somewhere. Somebody somebody EMAILK
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 5: coming up soon.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 3: We got a three day y'all. Y'all need that.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 5: But yeah, that was a really a burning question I
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 5: had for you for the while there. I was just
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 5: very curious as to how you thought about it, because
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 5: I don't want it to define you. I want you
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 5: to think that it defines who you are or the
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 5: type of person that you are or how people view
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 5: you doesn't change how I view you. I think you're
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 5: still an amazing human being. Your podcast is amazing, your
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 5: platform is amazing. I love how intentional you are with
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 5: the things that you do and all the moves that
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 5: you make.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: You don't just do something because it sounds good. You
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 3: help me.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 5: You hip me too, waiting for the right moment for
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 5: stuff to happen and letting it come to you because
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 5: like you said, when when me and you were talking
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 5: the very first time, you said you were talking about me.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 5: When you say you want to link with other podcasts
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 5: in Birmingham and crazy enough, I've seen it the clip.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 3: Didn't think nothing of it. And when you said that,
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh man, you could have been DM
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 3: me and.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 5: You was like, no, I wanted to make sure we
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 5: met and we seen each other right when it was
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 5: supposed to happen, and it did.
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 3: It definitely did, and it's Scott.
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 2: I'm grateful for our relationship. It's moving fast, Like I
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: feel like you're one of the people I talk about
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 2: more often now. Just I talked to you about my
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 2: talk to you regarding like with my sister. You know,
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: she's my best friend. There's a ray other people and
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: it's like, where did this man come from? I was like,
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: it's just certain people that you hit it off with,
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: and it's just like it's unexplainable, right, I don't I
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: don't have words, and like as you're seeing me and
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: availed me, like that's I also feel like with people
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: like that, I have to be like, hey, this this
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 2: is what I got, this is what I've done, this
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 2: is you know, if you can't handle that, you're gonna
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 2: you might get mad at me. You might get fresher
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: than me. And I knew then at that table when
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: I was staring at that lady and you looked at
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: me and you was like, get out her business. I
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, he feel to be my friend.
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly what you're doing.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: And he was like, get out her business. And I
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, he feel to be my friend. Okay,
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: when we desate in an hour and thirty minutes, I
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: mean about one twelve, that's crazy word, but desiraate tell us,
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 2: tell us your thoughts, baby, this has been an interesting
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: I don't I don't know if I thought the conversation
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: was gonna be in this space, in this like relationship, because.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 6: You know, you'd be like I don't.
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 2: I'm getting better though, So I'm actually very very proud
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: of you for being open to having a conversation. And
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 2: it's a healthy one, you know what I'm saying. It's
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: a definitely a healthy conversation. And I can only know
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 2: through a lot of what I The wisdom that I
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: have is just because I've lived a lot of things,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: and so I know that the person that the Lord
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: has for you is going to be able to have
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: grace for all of you. But it's also still a
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 2: timing thing. So it's a timing thing for you as
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: well as a timing thing for him as well, because
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 2: it's almost kind of like this parallel space that's happening,
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: like everybody's kind of journeying along, you know what I'm saying,
• 1:13:36
  Speaker 2: And obedience will get you to the place the Lord
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: needs you to be at, not saying that like we
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: have to. And it's my thing. When I was open,
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: when I became a little more open to the idea
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: of being married, because I didn't want to be married, right,
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 2: I just in my heart, I just didn't believe that
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: I had to do or be anything outside of what
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: the Lord was calling me to do to make something
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 2: happen that I already knew was gonna happen. You know
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying, Like I didn't have to like, you know,
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 2: they say go outside, Okay, cool, but I don't have
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: to go to a club, Like that's just not naturally
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 2: who I am. Like, I feel like I could be
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: on my if I if I submit my day to
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 2: the Lord right, and the Lord say, hey, go to
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 2: home depot, Hey go to this restaurant, Hey go If
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: I'm if I'm in alignment with what he's telling me
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: to do on a daily basis, in my life is aligned,
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like at the appointed time, the thing would happen. Right.
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: And so I just I just believe one because I've
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: experienced experienced it, that the person that's for you will
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: have grace for all of you, past, present and future
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: future you And I know that through experience, because you know,
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 2: I have to have shared my journey and relationships and
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 2: also an adulterous one, and I had to share that.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: I had to be open and honest about that when
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: we first met, because we have a thing and that
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 2: we say, you know, we listen and we don't judge.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: And so for us, that's, Hey, I have a this
• 1:14:59
  Speaker 2: is a moment that I just need to share something,
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: to share my heart with you, and it's not.
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 6: And I feel safe enough to do that.
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 2: And so I'm glad we're able to have that conversation
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 2: early on because now there's still a healing journey happening.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 2: And right, it don't mean like you automatically reach this
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: place where you're completely healed. I believe like when you
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 2: begin to meet people, begin to do relationships, like the
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 2: Lord will begin to show you things that a spaces
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: where you have healed from and spaces that you still
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: need healing in. Right, So, if I'm honest, there's still
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 2: there has been maybe like one time where a trigger happened.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah, Right, And I was able to have this conversation.
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 2: Which I'm working on communicating, Right, I was able to
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: have this conversation because I felt safe enough to do so,
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: because I know that the Lord has connected me with
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 2: the right person for me.
• 1:15:49
  Speaker 6: Yeah, And so even in all the workings.
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: Of the mind, and you know, you're like, I don't
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: know what's just gonna happen, da da dah, I just
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 2: trust and believe again that the person that the Lord
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: has for you, it's going to have grace for all
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: of Jessica, Like she's not gonna have to like water
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 2: herself down. She can do the most whenever she needs
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: to do the most. She can be bold, she can
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: be courageous, but she also can be soft, she can
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: be tender, like she can be a woman of Gods,
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 2: she can be from the West side of Birmingham, like
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 2: she can be all of those things, because that person
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 2: it's going to be grace for all of that. Yeah,
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 2: thank you, friend, I love you so much.
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 3: You like she that my dog I'm taking.
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 2: As you can see, we can talk all day like
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 2: this is us off camera, and I just again want
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 2: to just say thank you for just being you. You've
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 2: made it very easy to partner with you, to journey
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: with you, and it's just been a short time. But
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: so I'm really excited to for what this time next
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 2: year looked like because I really see us doing big
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: things together. Like just because we're in the same field,
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 2: we have the same understanding, We're going towards the same target,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 2: and I want I know that we want each other
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: to win, Like I really when you win I win like,
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: that's how I feel at this point, and so yes,
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 2: you're always welcome it, just as the podcast is a
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: safe space for you. So y'all, y'all will see it's
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 2: not a guess y'all the next episode.
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 5: I'm actually saying, for the next episode, I just need
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 5: a little simpley of water, and I'm gonna be here
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 5: for the name.
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: So traditionally, just as we allow our guests to have
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 2: the final word, if there was a lot that we
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 2: talked about today, and so you can either say something
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: that came in, you came in with on your heart,
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 2: or you can just like say, listen, I really everything
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: I want you to say, or everything you heard today.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: I want you to hear this. The floor is yours.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 3: I got you.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 5: It's a quote that I heard, and I'm not going
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 5: to tell y'all who quoted it, because I want you
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 5: to tell people that I said it. Okay, camera, be
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 5: persistent and you will achieve it. Be consistent and you
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 5: will keep it and be humble and you will attract more.
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 5: Just like that, I think that's the perfect way to
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 5: really just wrap up how you should treat your life.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 5: You know, what I'm saying, if you want something, be persistent,
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 5: go after it. Once you get it, be consistent with it.
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying. And that's kind of where
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 5: I am right now in my life. I really wanted
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 5: this podcasting thing really bad, so I've just been incredibly persistent,
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 5: and now that I got it and it's going on,
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 5: I'm being consistent, and at some point or another I
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 5: think I am honestly, I'm attracting positive things because I'm
• 1:18:48
  Speaker 5: being humble about it.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that's what you're good people with.
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 2: That's so good. Listen, my good people. I need you
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: to go over to talk Vibe Hustle subscribe because we
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: got goals. All right, I'm winning. When he went, okay,
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 2: I need y'all subscribe. I need y'all to go watch
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 2: the episode that we did on his platform. Because if
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 2: you enjoyed this conversation, I guarantee you that you're gonna
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: enjoy that conversation and getting to know carry a little
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 2: bit more. But if you enjoy this conversation, I need
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 2: for you to take put your biggest takeaway in the comments. Okay,
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 2: because we're gonna talk, we're gonna chat it up. But
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: until next week. Until next time, remember life could be
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: much more simple if you just ask thank you for
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 2: tuning in to this week's episode.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: Since you've made it this far, you might as well
• 1:19:43
  Speaker 1: connect with us on all social media platforms at the
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: Jessica S.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 2: Smith.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: I know I won't see you back until next week,
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: but until then, remember to love always yourself and always
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: thank thank God for one other day.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 4: Hey, hey, I know we could be another way. Hey,
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 4: pray thank God for another day. Hey hey, I'm just
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 4: thankful for another day. Hey hey, another day? Oh, another
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 4: day wise, another day to get it right, another day
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 4: to rise up, another day living, another day we loved ones.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 4: I always remember hold it down for a ball one
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 4: yeh