Latest / Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder / Just be yourself??? What does that even mean

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Just be yourself??? What does that even mean · Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder

• 0:00
  What is going on?
• 0:01
  LnM Family, Jesse here coming at you with my very first solo cast.
• 0:07
  So if you've been here before, welcome back.
• 0:09
  And if you're new, this is the learnings and missteps podcast.
• 0:12
  What we typically interview amazing people that have built careers in the construction industry.
• 0:18
  For the purpose of enhancing the image of careers in the trades.
• 0:23
  And so we're testing now running a couple of experiments.
• 0:26
  And, and this solo cast is the first of many to come.
• 0:31
  And yeah.
• 0:31
  So what I want to talk about.
• 0:33
  Is the phrase, just be yourself.
• 0:37
  I'm not sure if anyone's ever told you that, but I've heard it.
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  I've even told people that in my patch, I like people that are caught up stuck, frustrated.
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  With where they're at in life.
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  And the best thing I could tell them is we'll just be yourself.
• 0:51
  now.
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  I know when I've heard that, it's like, what in the world does that even mean?
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  Um, so I've been thinking a lot about that.
• 1:01
  Especially.
• 1:01
  Cause I was like, okay, I'm going to do a solo cast or I want to infused solo casts into, the menu of what we've been providing through this podcast.
• 1:11
  Uh, and, and.
• 1:13
  For a hot minute, those dots came in, like, what should it be?
• 1:16
  What are people going to say?
• 1:18
  What are people going to think?
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  So on and so forth.
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  And that brought me to the idea of, well, just be yourself.
• 1:25
  Well, like again, what does that mean?
• 1:28
  and so to start.
• 1:30
  The thought that helped me get some traction around how can we help each other?
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  Understand what we mean by just be yourself.
• 1:39
  And for me.
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  It's really a matter of me not making decisions.
• 1:44
  Based on what I think.
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  Other people might think it's like the operative words there are think, and might write.
• 1:55
  'cause, I don't really know what anybody else is gonna think.
• 1:57
  I can't know what people are going to think.
• 1:59
  I can make some assumptions about what they possibly may think about whatever it is I'm doing.
• 2:06
  Um, or what it is they think about me.
• 2:09
  But I don't know.
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  so the likelihood that they're going to think the absolute worst thing possible, the worst situation that I'm concocting in my head is very, very low.
• 2:23
  Uh, and the only way to know is to do the damn thing, right.
• 2:26
  Now the problem with getting caught up in what other people might think is it's like all consuming.
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  Because there are so many variations of what anybody can think.
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  and for me, Uh, I'm going to assume that some of y'all out there are like me or have been in this situation where you start down that road of.
• 2:46
  Well, what if so-and-so is going to say this and what if this and what if that, and, and then the road just gets more slippery.
• 2:53
  Uh, as we start considering all of the things that could possibly be from a negative perspective.
• 3:00
  and then when I actually do the thing, right, so now I've said, okay, what's everybody think, what are they going to say?
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  What should I wear?
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  How did.
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  And then I contort my behavior.
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  To attempt to avoid all of those.
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  Um, negative consequences of the action.
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  And then I get feedback because we're always going to get feedback.
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  Sometimes the feedback is in the form of like the side-eye, right?
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  Like what.
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  They kind of squinch their eyebrows.
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  You're like, oh man, they're judging me right now.
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  and inside me, when I see that it hurts.
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  I don't know why they're squinching or eyebrow, but.
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  Because I contorted my behavior and my thinking and my direction and my message and everything else.
• 3:40
  I am now like super hypersensitive.
• 3:43
  Why?
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  Because I did all of those acrobatics to gain approval and any signal other than approval Hertz.
• 3:52
  Uh, and creates a void, right?
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  It starts chipping away at my self-esteem starts chipping away at my confidence, and leaves me in a state of feeling like I'm just never good enough.
• 4:02
  Now importantly, let's stay on track because I don't want you to go into them.
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  Dark places.
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  The fact is all of that began with me.
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  It all started by me.
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  Uh, attempting to fit some.
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  Mold.
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  That I'm assuming.
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  That I created in my own mind.
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  And so what does that mean?
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  Well, it means that I can actually create any mold that I want.
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  Right.
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  So yes, things can be negative.
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  Things can be horrible.
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  We can be embarrassing.
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  And what else could also be true?
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  It could be awesome.
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  It could be impactful.
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  It could be meaning it could be inspirational.
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  So, all I have to do is learn how to do that.
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  Now that's a little tougher.
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  Like that one, I don't have the secret recipe for.
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  What I do know is that I've gotten better about it through repetition.
• 4:59
  Getting the reps in doing it funky.
• 5:02
  I had a conversation with my buddy, Sean Moran, shout out Sharelle was so baby boomer.
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  And we were talking about this, you know, the amount of energy and effort we put into polishing things up so that they can be perfect.
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  And everybody's going to be blown away.
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  Gets you stuck.
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  And then when you do the thing.
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  At the end of the delivery.
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  The really most important thing is, you know, how you performed.
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  I have never been there have been very, very few times that I've done a thing.
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  And was completely content.
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  With my delivery of it the first time.
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  every time I do something, I find something that I can Polish something that I want to make better because.
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  Because I know I can do it better.
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  But the only way to find that out is by doing the damn thing again.
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  So, how do I create the model?
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  The form that I want to take, that's going to bring me.
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  The greatest amount of joy and free me from all of that misery, all of that.
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  Head garbage that's that quickly consumes us.
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  So for me, it's two questions.
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  How do I want to serve?
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  Right.
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  Like what.
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  What is the emotion?
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  What is the impact?
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  Uh, what is the value that I want to deliver to the person or people?
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  What do I want that to look like?
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  And because I have this wild imagination that can paint dark, scary pictures.
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  I can also paint.
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  Awesome, colorful, exciting pictures.
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  And okay.
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  That's what I want things to look like.
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  I want people to be engaged.
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  I want people to laugh.
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  Uh, want them to, to experience some sentiment and I want to be a catalyst for change.
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  Awesome.
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  Okay.
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  That's part one.
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  Part two, what brings me fulfillment?
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  Well, when people demonstrate that I've had the impact that I wanted to have.
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  And so if that's the model.
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  Then all I have to do is put my energy towards that and then really give myself some grace.
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  Because I know that even after I do it.
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  And some of y'all like, if you don't know me, I like to capture video of me doing the stuff that I do because I review it and it helps me get better.
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  I can find things that I want to improve on.
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  And what that does is it takes.
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  All my insecurities, like those little hot buttons that my, my precious, delicate little heart is, is covered in.
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  It takes them away from everybody else.
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  And the only one that can push those buttons is me.
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  And when I pushed those buttons, I can use that as fuel and energy to make the thing.
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  The way I want it to be.
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  And whatever that is.
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  Is it my shoes?
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  Is it my suit?
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  Is it my haircut?
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  Is it the speech?
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  Is it the PowerPoint?
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  Is it the meeting agenda?
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  Like.
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  When I'm making my decisions based on what I'm guessing, other people might think.
• 7:59
  And so next time you hear somebody tell you, just be yourself.
• 8:03
  Maybe these questions will help you.
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  How do you want to serve?
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  And what brings you fulfillment?
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  Uh, so let that little kind of flippant.
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  Just be, you just be your best self.
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  Be a trigger like, oh, how do I want to serve what brings me the most fulfillment?
• 8:20
  because I have experienced.
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  MI like the best version of me.
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  Has come from me finally, understanding.
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  How I best serve.
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  And then putting my energy towards that.
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  Now.
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  like one last.
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  Stinky truth is even though I know how I best serve, and that's how I make my decisions and frame, whatever it is I want to do going up going forward.
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  That doesn't mean everybody's going to like it.
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  Like this Jessie flavor ain't for everybody.
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  And that is okay.
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  And I had to learn how to get okay.
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  With people not choosing me.
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  And guess what?
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  That's okay.
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  So rather than like trying to get everybody to pick me.
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  I know it's like Baskin Robbins out there.
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  There's a bunch of people to pick from.
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  You don't have to pick me.
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  You can pick somebody else.
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  And we could still be friends.
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  We could still be humans.
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  We could still make impact on other people's lives.
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  So I'm wondering how do you best serve?
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  What brings you the most fulfillment?
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  Like how much time have you spent thinking about that?
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  the energy that you put into discovering the answers to those questions.
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  We'll bring you greater reward.
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  And helps you shift.
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  The current dark place or you may have been putting all that beautiful energy of yours.
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  And so another confession, another thing that, that I'm putting out there into the world, that, that I am a little concerned about, but.
• 9:44
  Because I already have proof that it is causing impact.
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  That is being a catalyst for change in people's lives.
• 9:51
  I said, heck with it, I'm going to pull the trigger and it see what happens.
• 9:54
  So here in the very near future today, it's August 24th, 2023.
• 9:59
  I'm going to be tinkering around with creating my very first E book.
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  Uh, it's going to be the electronic version of becoming the promise.
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  You are intended to be.
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  So be ready.
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  I'll be, I'll be posting a bunch of stuff about that.
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  Planning like a pre-order.
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  Thing.
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  Uh, to get some energy out there.
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  I'm going to price it super cheap at like 3 99, because, because it's a digital thing, right.
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  and the purpose of that is to make it super, super accessible to people because.
• 10:31
  the folks that have read the hard copy.
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  A bunch of people who've reached out to me and shared how it's impacting their lives.
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  And some, some of those reach-outs have become very deep.
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  conversations about making significant life changes.
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  and if I can contribute to that into some, in some way, That's what I'm here for.
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  Uh, so be cool.
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  And we'll talk at you next time.