Latest / The Cyclical Doula Podcast: Fertility Awareness, Charting Cycles, and Reproductive Health Education / Navigating Feeding with Body Trust: Kelly Cox on Prenatal Preparation, Mental Health, & Community
Transcript
- Kelly Cox: my number one piece of advice is that babies are really cute and really tiny for a long time. There is no reason to invite anyone over it that you don't want over. emmamma: Welcome to the Cyclical Doula podcast. I'm Emma, your Cyclical Doula. I'm a certified fertility knowledge collective educator, SymtoPro instructor, and a miscarriage Doula And this show is for fertility and reproductive health education from menarch to menopause and all the different types of motherhood in between. If you're looking for a natural science-backed way to understand your cycle, manage your fertility, or simply connect with your body in a new way, you're in the right place. Each week I sit down with experts in their field so that you can walk away with the tools, knowledge, and confidence to thrive in your unique journey. Quick disclaimer, this podcast is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice or individualized charting support. The views of the guests are their own, and for specific guidance, please consult your healthcare. professionals or a fertility awareness instructor. All right, let's dive into it. Welcome back to the Cyclical Doula podcast. I'm your host, Emma, and today we're joined by the incredible Kelly Cox. Kelly is a birth doula, a prenatal yoga teacher, and a licensed clinical social worker who has dedicated her life to supporting families throughout the beautiful yet challenging journey of pregnancy, birth, and parenthood. With her unique blend of expertise, especially in prenatal breastfeeding education and emotional well-being, Kelly's voice is so important for anybody navigating the complexities of feeding and postpartum experiences. Thanks so much for being here, Kelly. Kelly Cox: I'm so excited. Thanks for asking me. emmamma: I also like know that you do so many more things than I just read in there, but tell me more just about who you are as a human being so we can get to know you a little bit more. Kelly Cox: I absolutely fell in love with pregnant women, which if you know me at all, that's my friends think it's so funny. I have never ever considered having a baby. I've never had my uterus talk to me. I spent my I started my professional career as a clinical social worker. I worked with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. I absolutely loved the work, but after six years I was really burnt out, not with the subject matter or the people I was working with, but more like the systems I was working in. And I just felt like I wasn't able to make as much of a difference in a system that quite figuratively is just broken in a lot of ways. And so At the time, I when I was considering, you know, a career change, I had no idea what I was gonna do, but a good friend and I had just started our yoga practice and it's all all we could talk about. And so she was teaching second grade at the time, and I was working in therapy, and so we were talking about how we use this in the classroom or how I used it in therapy. And then we just got really geeky and we're like, what if we started a yoga studio just for children? Well, two very educated women quit their jobs and did just that. And I will tell you, it's the worst idea that anyone's ever had. Because because emmamma: That's good know. Kelly Cox: children are there's tennis, swimming, lacrosse, soccer, travel teams. Like they could just never come. And so we had this emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: expensive lease and another prenatal yoga teacher in the area came to me and said, I really think you should teach prenatal yoga and my first thought was, I don't know that I like pregnant women. Like I don't think that's what I wanna do. But we had a lease to pay and and then other people in my community my friends were getting pregnant and so I was like, and it took me I think four prenatal trainings before I completely fell in love with it. So Now I've been teaching pre and postnatal yoga for twenty years. I train, I have an upcoming training coming up. That's my f one of my favorite things I do. that same woman came to me a couple years into having the studio and said, Hey, she's a doula in town. She said, I I really need help with my doula work. Can you I think you should be a doula? And I was like, Absolutely not. Like I have zero time and even less interest. And she was the doula for one of my best friends, and she called and said, Do you wanna come over? Cause she's in labor. I was like, and then I followed them to the hospital and I remember watching someone I love meet their baby and then I left the hospital. I was like, crap, now I have to be a doula emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: So I always say that my life is just like career-wise, one happy accident. And so I was I was running the studio and teaching yoga, which to me is easy. I kind of comes second nature. But I also had that therapist hat on about what are my mamas actually going through? Like, are they terrified to be pregnant? have they had losses before? And, you know, their wor they carry that into this. are they worried about their career? Are they worried about how their relationships are gonna change? And so I was always thinking with that, like therapeutic hat hat on and then a year into the studio I had a IBC L C come to me and she said, Could we just use your space for a free lactation support group? So for eight years, eight or nine years, every single Friday, we had a free to the entire community lactation support group and it was packed. And I that's when I really started listening to moms and what they were talking about. And I would see moms who had done prenatal yoga with me and then left and would come back to that class with their babies and like sit in the back and feeling guilty bottle feeding or using formula. It was it's kind of the same thing as a doula where it breaks my heart when moms come back and they're like, I had an epidural. Like that that's not a four letter word. Like emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: I and so I really wanted to kind of take that burden off of like how do you feed your baby? And I would have clients come in and say, I have a freezer full of milk, I don't know what to do with it or, you know, the other end. And so for years I would say, there's these popular groups on Facebook, just go to that. And every single time they would come back complaining, they're like, That takes so long. It's so cumbersome. It's so time consuming. But then once you're in the group, it's a forum, right? And so Emma, you go on at six AM, you're like, I have a hundred ounces to to give. And then twenty other people are putting posts above you. And so they didn't have time. So I just became like a little milk broker. And I had I had a studio, refrigerator, usually a placenta was in there, you know, waiting for someone to pick it up. And of emmamma: Mm, of course. Kelly Cox: course, when I do leave the hospital with placentas, I always like buckle it in 'cause I think it's just a really funny picture to send to the family. But people would leave their milk and I would kind of vouch for them. And so In 2017, I got diagnosed with breast cancer and my first thought was, let me get some help with running the studio, and I'm just gonna go quietly and just take care of this. And my friends particularly, but other women at the studio were like, You can't do that. You're you're the one in our community who talks about how resilient our bodies are and and everything they can get through and talking about our beautiful scars. And so I was and I was only forty two, so I was pretty open and loud about it, as I continue to be, especially this month. And so I just was that was my focus. Anyone in the community that had breast cancer, they knew that they could reach out to me and I'd get them breast milk. And so we closed the studio after a decade during COVID. And I'm not very good at just sitting idly. And so I just thought there was this little idea in the back of my mind about how can I just make this easier. And so I formed an LLC and created Share the Drop during COVID. And here we are. emmamma: Yeah, which is amazing. So I know what share the drop is because we've talked about it before. But can you for listeners who don't know what share the drop is, can you kind of explain you kind of give the background to it, but Kelly Cox: Yeah. emmamma: what it actually does. Kelly Cox: Share the Drop is a website a web based app that connects any woman with excess breast milk to any family in need. The key feature is people create accounts using their zip code. A, because babies can't wait to be fed. I want people to find milk timely, but also emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: when you do things locally, you get to meet other families in that same time period of life. And then maybe maybe build more community support and and and friendships. And you know, we used to raise babies in community and that just doesn't happen as much anymore. And so I want you to not only get milk for your baby, but then start talking to the other parent like, well, is your child crawling yet? What preschool are you going to use? Who's your pediatrician? Did you use a doula? And then build up that support that in this day and age we so desperately need. emmamma: Yeah, I love that so much. And I think it's so sure the drop in itself is such a powerful resource for people, but I think that value of like creating community, as you just said, is such a huge need right now of just, and I think especially coming from a post-COVID era. And my babies were born then, like having that community, in-person community is huge and is something that we're all kind of craving, I feel like. Kelly Cox: Yeah, I mean even it's so crazy how many years out we are, but I still see like some of my friends had babies before COVID and then had another baby during COVID and just they'll they'll talk about that time in their life where they couldn't meet and go on mom walks or they couldn't go to a a class and it was just so different. I I think you know, that's the whole reason I think I mean I always talk about prenatal yoga being important for only three reasons to make your body physically comfortable when you're pregnant, to help to help prepare. for labor and to build community. To when you meet when moms when moms sit on their mats next to each other and then they leave and then they're lingering in the in the lobby and then sometimes I have to push them out and close the door and then they're in the in the parking lot talking and then I hear about them they have these mom groups. I'm like that's that's how we're gonna save families, I think. I mean parental paid leave and all that stuff. But yeah. Yeah. emmamma: Yeah, that's good too. And very, very important. Yeah, absolutely. That's so good. And I think it's so true. I think that was I had with my first I actually did some prenatal yoga in the area that I was in. And that was it was great. I was meeting these people and then like I went to one postpartum yoga class and then everything got shut down. But it it's is cre like that that's how you build those friendships and that's how you build the community is getting getting out there, which is sometimes hard for people, but It's really important. let's chat about breastfeeding and feeding babies as a whole. I think you kind of had mentioned teaching people like before giving birth about breastfeeding. What does that look like and how can somebody listening like kind of know how to even start? Kelly Cox: Well, you think about how much time we put into birth plans. First of all, let's call it a wish list because there's one human in charge of how the birth goes. That's the baby. You know, they don't they don't tell us a lot before. but we do spend all this time working on that, but we don't work on feeding plans. And so for my doula clients, I say, I really want you to go see an IBCLC while you're still pregnant. Most insurance companies will pay for a prenatal visit, sometimes too. Go do that and I say do it like week thirty-six so things are fresh. Take your partner to that class. is there a yoga studio in town that has a lactation support group? Go sit in there while in real time when there's mothers who have newborns, two months old, and and think about listen to what they're talking about because maybe it's night four, your home, your milk comes in, you might remember something that came from that. and and it's a great time to ask questions. we have La Leche League meetings all around the country. Find your local meeting, go to That while you're pregnant, take a breastfeeding support class and have your like all the hospitals have them. You can do it in person, you can do it online. But if you don't know what you're walking into, you're I mean, the more we know, the better success we can have. but and having I'll tell you what, I also have my if I have doula clients who like don't come from a family of breastfeeders, like have your your parents have your in laws take a baby basics class or a breastfeeding basics class because you know, if I told my mom Mom something, she would just know better. But if an expert told her, right? And so, like kind of taking away those emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: those barriers of we can't tell our moms, well, we don't swaddle babies like this anymore, babies can't sleep like this. Well, that's how we always did it, right? Having an expert do it. But the more you can prepare yourself, the better. And and talk to your friends who've breastfed and ask any questions. Like I, as a doula, my philosophy in working with someone is there is not a single question I've ever come across you couldn't ask me if I don't. Don't know I'm gonna find it. I have my clients like, can I send you a picture of my nipple? Absolutely you can, right? But like, but like let's start, emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: let's start talking about this stuff, but just prepare. Like, really, breast emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: breastfeeding education before I think is crucial. And and if you if you know you can't breastfeed or you don't want to, then what what formula are you interested in? What what ingredients, what companies do you like? And are you gonna be able to find them on the shelves? Like, you know, it's not just as easy as go get a formula. Because maybe your baby doesn't agree with it. But just walk in with as much knowledge as possible so that you are successful as successful as you can be. emmamma: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Knowledge is definitely power in all of these aspects of just parenting and being a human being and all of those things. But yeah, that's so helpful. And I think like the more you know and the more that you can like kind of make plans. I think even for those people who are planning on breastfeeding, having like a general knowledge of how formula works or what options there are out there is helpful too. I know from my experience, like I I had a hard time breastfeeding emotionally and switching to formula was one of the best things I did for my mental health, but also like it helped my second so much. but knowing going into it, like I was like, I don't even know, like I was like, I've seen formula, but like nobody in my immediate circles had had kids yet. And I was like, I I have no idea what even where even to start. so I think that's helpful. Kelly Cox: Yeah. And there's this whole this this whole controversy about breast is best. Well I mean I I just really try to veer away from that. we have to have formula. We we just there's not enough there's not emmamma: Yeah. yeah. Kelly Cox: enough women who can breastfeed. Formula saves babies' life. So that's not I'm not anti formula. I I do think donor milk should be a bigger part of the conversation, but I I when women talk about their mental health postpartumly, that is the most important thing to listen to. And so if taking one thing out and if that's breastfeeding, that that that's gotta go because the health of the mom is the most important. Yeah. emmamma: Yeah, no, but I think that's really important to say and for people to hear. And I think that's why I continually tell people about my experience too. Cause I think it's like it's not I had in the back of my mind, like we have a family history of breast cancer. And so people always told me like breastfeed as long as possible because that's going to reduce your risk. And so there's like this thing in the back of my mind being like, you have to keep breastfeeding because it's like best for the baby and best for me. And then I'm like, but I can't do this. And I think like that's That's a huge piece of it of being able to have those conversations and have the support there. Kelly Cox: Yep. And the sleep deprivation. I mean, we can't emmamma: yeah. Kelly Cox: We when we talk about families postpartum, but especially moms, like sleep deprivation is an actual torture technique. Like this we know this is what what we do prisoners of war. the the you know, you talk about going on medications for any mental health issue, but sleep is also a great medication for that. And so we want moms to be healthy so that they can take care of themselves and mother and if you're just depleted and i I I've seen people work so hard to breastfeed And they it it seriously takes a toll. emmamma: Yeah. for sure. Absolutely. I think having and changing that conversation around that is so helpful. And I think there's not as much I think resources like share the drop where you can easily have access to donor milk and like make those connections is such an improvement of being able to support women and families well of just having those other resources if they're not ready to use formula right then or just want some supplementation or connection with it and all of those things. Kelly Cox: Yeah. I mean, you know, you also think I like to remind people that it's not just for f females or two same sex couples. I mean, think about same sex couples, they may not be able to produce people who adopt or use a surrogate. I got in the very beginning days of Share the Drop, I got a beautiful email from a woman in Seattle that said she was raising her two month old grandson because her daughter was incarcerated and someone from the app brought over a garbage bag full of frozen breast milk. And she was like, I I this is like that was so important. But she couldn't produce it, right? emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: And so thinking outside the box of how babies get fed, it's not just a mother to a baby. And I think that's an an important thing to think about. emmamma: yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's so many situations about why somebody might need milk and and that's all of those are valid and important and good to think through for sure. yeah, what else do you feel like listeners, people who just are kind of in this season of thinking about breastfeeding or maybe just maybe they're just having a baby? whether whether that's coming in through natural birth or just adoption or any any sort any sort of way, how do we kind of reduce that stress around feeding? Kelly Cox: I mean again, going back to just education as much as you can possibly get. Like if you emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: if you adopt or use a surrogate, I would really hope that your care providers are talking to you about what your options are. You know, talking to your partner and your family about what you want because I do think it's very important to well, you have to be able to say things to those people and set down boundaries. So practice with your friends, right? But if you have very distinct ideas about how you want a birth or parent or feed, you have to have those conversations before because it's really hard for two parents who are sleep deprived and, you know, in this crazy time of life just to kind of bring up New things. And so the more you can do, the more you can read, the more you can make out a plan and share it with your team, the better. You know, this comes to mind too with meal trains. So my everyone loves the meal train. I do not, I can't stand the meal train. I've had them offered to me. I'm like, no, I'm one human. I don't want a casserole. But being so specific about these are your dietary needs. do not send food to anyone in a any sort of container that has to be returned or tracked or anything. but also like put I always tell my parents, put a cooler on the front door, your door stays closed. closed with a nice note, we we are so thankful for this food. We can't wait for you to meet baby Sam. but you don't need to invite everyone into your space because that time is so sacred. but it's the same as like how you're going to feed. You don't have to have everyone's opinions. You have to have support. And so one of my favorite doula clients the They had a large house, they were made downstairs, but they had this big master suite and he sat he set up what he called the Tite Cafe and it was next to this couch and it was like her own little mini fridge so she had plenty of stuff to drink, all her pump parts were there. He would always make sure that they were sanitized and put out for her and then she could put the milk in the refriger in the refrigerator. But they had had long conversations with me before about this is really something that and like she didn't have a lot of history of people breastfeeding and he was like, This is really important to her. So what What can I do? And I was like, how can we set up a station? And then he was so proud when I went over and he's like, take let me take you to the cafe. And I was like, it's so right. But like you have to have these hard conversations before. emmamma: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that's the best way to prepare for anything. And parenting is sometimes just to have some of these conversations beforehand for your with the people that are in your circles and in their day to day. Cause I think that makes such a big difference of having that support in Kelly Cox: Yep. emmamma: how you need it. Kelly Cox: Yeah. And ask your doula if you're if you're using a doula, ask your doula to like, how can I have these hard conversations? Because we do it a lot or we prep for people to do a lot. And so emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: just ask other people. If you're like, I don't know if I can put down these boundaries, can you start the conversation? Yes, sure. That's what I'm here for. emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. I think there's a there's such a benefit to having doulas in in the space of giving birth and welcoming new humans into your life. Cause I think that there's there's just somebody who's like done some of it before and being able to have those conversations and have somebody to reach out to is so helpful. yeah. What else do you do you think is a good way, maybe through yoga or other practices within your dual work, about how people can support themselves in in those early postpartum weeks and months? Kelly Cox: I mean my number one piece of advice is that that babies are really cute and really tiny for a long time. There is no reason to invite anyone over it that you don't want over. Like if you know, we we talk about doula's about like protecting that birthing space. And so if if your mom is not gonna be good, your mother-in-law in the is not gonna be good, we're gonna fiercely protect that. So I think and I think that's pretty common thinking. But I think we have to fiercely protect that thing as well. I I had about my most recent doula clients, they They're on week five. I'm not sure that I've been there once. I think a couple of friends have been once. mother in law came for a few days. That was it. They just wanted to enjoy. It was like this it's this you know, I always talk about There's not a new baby coming. There's a new brand new soul and personality that's gonna meet these other two. And so, like to me, emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: I I w I'm over kind of the the nerdiness of birth and how babies turn and stuff, but to me it's like these these parents are gonna it's a very intimate thing they're gonna do one, two, three times in life. And so the fact that the they let me observe them growing their family is amazing. And so but taking that out of the birthroom and really like those I mean those first forty days, right? Stay rest, emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: make sure your mom is fed and sleeping and and and for partners who think they can't do anything, you can do the laundry, you can do so much. But anyone that enters your space has to serve. Like just walk in. Hello, we're not touching the baby. Go start the laundry. Go do the dishes. Like I have folded all of my friends' husband's underwear. I don't care. I just walk in, that's what I do, and then quietly leave. Like and also no one needs to hold that baby. You know, as a doula, I get invited over, but I'm not holding that baby unless it's delivered like to me. I will go months and months and months. I it's not the mo that baby needs to be with their parents. That's it. And just pr protect that as much as possible because healing mentally, physically after you've had a baby is a huge deal. And so if we can all I mean, I've got a few babies right now that I'm just itching to go meet, but it's not time and I just deal with that, right? It's fine. emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. I think that's such a a change of perspective from from like outside of how we should be approaching family new new families in in their spaces. Cause I think that's such a different people are so quick to be like, I wanna see your baby or like whatever. And my friend Literally just had a baby like a week and a half ago and she lives in the neighborhood. And I have like been like, what can I grab you from Costco? And then I just like leave it on the porch because I'm like, I I don't I just saw the baby yesterday from like afar, but I was like, I don't, I would love to be in your space, but I'm not coming in, especially with like all the other little kids around. Like, but Kelly Cox: Yeah. Mm mm. emmamma: yeah, but that that idea of just like being there to support in however they need, but just getting stuff done and serving is so, so good. Kelly Cox: Yeah. I mean, if I can just go on a tangent. baby baby emmamma: yeah, do it. Kelly Cox: baby registries and baby showers. I mean, have a baby shower and commune with your people, but babies don't need shoes. They don't need cute little Nike tennis shoes. they need some diapers, some onesies, two arms, a place to sleep, and a car seat. Really, that's all they need. But moms need Services, pelvic floor services, lactation support services, maybe a postpartum doula. Let's think outside the box of what it's July and you have a newborn and you have to mow your lawn. Well, can someone sign up to mow your lawn? Can someone sign up to come get your dogs and take them on walks? Can someone come to your door, have your toddler run out for a play date? Like all those things that are really gonna help because the really fancy onesies or the fanciest like swaddle things you have, that's not gonna help, right? I mean you might emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: find one thing that's great, but We don't need all the stuff. Also there's too much stuff in the world, but we need support. And so if you emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: you know, if you're I remember when in the beginning days when my friends were having babies, we would all put money together and buy them like the fancy bugaboo stroller. Yeah, they they really appreciated that. And then they would use it and it would get passed down. So those certainly what we got our value out of that. But instead it was us showing up and just quietly walking in, you know, grabbing her water, refilling it, delivering it, doing the dishes, doing the what all this stuff because that's what you need. You need a p you need you might need mental health support. You might need a massage, right? I mean, s someone to send really healthy meals or just pick up your groceries and drop them on the porch. So let's let's let's emmamma: huh. Kelly Cox: continue to gather as women to celebrate that there's a baby coming, but really rethinking all the stuff that we're buying. emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. I would agree a hundred percent. I think it's so so valuable. And I love the like trend that's going towards like people gathering before the baby's born and like prepping a bunch of postpartum meals that are in the freezer or stuff like that. I'm like that's like that's the way to do this. Like just like gather in different ways. But like we I like you said, babies really don't need much stuff at all. Kelly Cox: Mm-hmm. No. emmamma: yeah, some gadgets are fun or whatever, but they really don't need really anything. Kelly Cox: No. emmamma: safe transportation, a few few things, some way to deal with the poop and the pee. But there there's so many different options out there. So there's lots lots of choices. Kelly Cox: Yep. And having I'm having like a a girls' clothing swap tomorrow. My my girlfriend's I do this like three or four times a year because we all have stuff that we're just tired of, but as someone else like, I love this and and again the idea is like let's not fill up the landfills and buying all this retail, but but do that more with your moms. And you know, when you're when a new friend is pregnant at after three of you have already had babies, have that swap be like, I went through all this stuff and here, right? And then even some of my friends, they just track like how old the babies are and the older kids just hand me down to this family, right? And it's it it can be it's that again build. building that community of support because yeah, it now it's winter coming up and do my friends with brand new babies have winter stuff? No, but my other friends do and their kids don't wear anymore, you know? Every every little tiny way we can build community I think is is gonna help solve a lot of problems postpartumly. emmamma: I agree. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, we'll be right back, but let me ask you something real quick. Have you ever wished someone could just sit down with you and magically tell you when your next period is coming or exactly which days you can or can't get pregnant? That is the beauty of charting. Once you understand your cycle, it stops feeling like a random guessing game and starts feeling like a pattern you can actually trust. And I promise it's not as complicated as it seems. Your body is already giving you all the clues. You just need someone to show you how to read them. If you want real support, my six-month program Matriarch walks you through fertility awareness charting, understanding your hormonal shifts, and passing on body literacy on to your kids. You can book a free 30-minute clarity call at MMA.com/slash free, no pressure at all. All right, let's get back into it. we are recording this in the month of October, which is a huge kick for breast cancer awareness. I'm gonna give you the floor of whatever you wanna say as a breast cancer survivor about that. however you it maybe how it shaped your experience or just how you wanna promote. Kelly Cox: Well, first of all, do not skip any tests ever. I you know, as soon as I turned forty, my doctor scheduled mammogram. I went, forty-one, I went. And I remember our I was in her office just for my annual exam and she handed me a card and I scheduled this year's mammogram. And I and I was like, I walk out to my car, I'm like, god, I looked at my calendar, like that that was I was so busy. I was like, I can't do it. So I immediately got home and called the imaging place and they're like, well, we can't see you for six months. And my doctor as kind as she is I don't wanna mess with her. And so I just kept my appointment. And thank God I did, because it it was an early find. and that that me doing the right thing and not rescheduling and pushing something off save my life. but also if you and then I it turned out I had bre BRCA too, so that led to a lot of other surgeries and and screenings that I have to have. do not skip your appointments ever. And find some support. and and do your research. So I it back in this I'm nine years out, nine years breast cancer free. I have had skin cancer, which is part of my BRCA too. but I was tired of implants. I ate my implants were making me sick. I very much believe I had breast implant illness, which of course we don't study and we're not gonna put any money into. but I had my nipples and my implants removed in late March, and I feel fantastic, and it's the best thing I Ever did. Take your time. If you have time, if you're fresh, newly diagnosed, and you have time, it's a very early diagnosis. Like really do your research about what your options are for reconstruction if you want to have reconstruction. that your doctors, you know, make sure this is a huge thing because for me, I was diagnosed on April 11th, and then I was under surgery June 1st, and I had one half an hour visit with my plastic surgeon. before I went under the knife. And I remember saying to him, I don't want I don't want implants, but it was this it was I loved my doctor. Him, other people's society, well you're so young and you're single and don't you want to still feel feminine. I am here to tell you, and I had several surgeries to fix things. I'm here to tell you as flat as I am, I feel more feminine than I have since I had really it's an amputation, right? It's a big deal. And I wish I had taken my time and slowed it down because I may maybe I would have still gone reconstruction, but it you can change your mind. And so it's your body, you only get one. I have really cool scars, so that's great. but but thinking about if you're just if you're not going through this and you're supporting, be really mindful of what you say. you know, some people are like, you got the free boob job. Don't say that. I've had a lot of women say to me, my god, you're so lucky I had to have an oophorectomy. so overaced philippian tubes came out. I went into early immediate onset menopause at forty two. None of my friends were going through this. It was very hard. emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: And someone will say, my God, I can't believe you never have to have a period again. Like the things that you say to anyone emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: going through breast cancer or anything, postpartum moms, really think about what's coming out of your mouth. I also had a hard time with people saying, well my aunt had it and this, this and this happened and then she died. Like don't tell people, right? Unless they ask unless emmamma: That's not helpful. Kelly Cox: they ask you, like I a lot of I'm a part of a big support network here and so a lot of times I'm one of the first people people call. I'm not telling them my story unless they ask. I'm just saying, can I come help you? Can I help you set up your house? I have a cancer bag. You know, also, I can't tell you the amount of people in my life who asked to see my implants after I got them. can I see them? I mean a lot of people saw them. My friend saw them, my doctor saw them, my mom, right? But no, I would just be like, that is such a weird thing to ask people. It's not a No, it's I'm not gonna show you. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't ask emmamma: show and tell. Yeah. Kelly Cox: you like I don't know, yeah. I mean, if you got a testicle implant, I won't be like, Hey, can I see it? I mean, no, it's just like really be thoughtful and understand that even people who are going through treatment, if treatment's over and we rang the bell, there's a lot underneath the surface. And I'm still nine years out and I'll tell you every October I right before October I have a little bit of trauma. Just like how emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: how much I have to talk about it. And then in October I'm really loud because I I think it's so important and especially for the work I do. But if you you know, if I was 67 and I was diagnosed, maybe I would have went quietly and done things on my own. But no, I think breast cancer is an epidemic, and the more we talk emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: with the more we talk about it, the better. And and this is why I created Share the Drop, because Other people in my community were saying, I des I froze eggs, I desperately want breast milk and I can't make it. I was I'll I'll get you breast milk. And one of my best friends went through it a year before and that's where she is. She's trying to decide if she wants eggs and I or if she wants to use her eggs and I'm like, I will get you breast milk. I I did this whole thing for you. I'm I I use that, like, what are you doing for me? I built you an app so you could feed your baby. emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: But also like don't be afraid to talk about breast cancer because we're talking about breasts. You know, like that's one of the issues with feeding is like we're we're talking about a a sexual organ or sexual part of our body, but it's not, it's a biological feature. And so don't emmamma: Mm-hmm. Kelly Cox: be afraid to feed in public, talk about breasts because we gotta take the stigma you know, away from it. emmamma: Absolutely. Well, thanks so much for sharing all of that. There's so many things that we could talk about. But I do like want to reiterate that part of just like, I think it's so valuable for us to just be having these conversations around breast, reproductive health, all of these things, because the more that we just have these conversations with the people around us, the more knowledge base we get. And like we as a society just need to stop. sexualizing all of it and just like deal with the fact that it's by part of our biological nature of like how bodies are made and what things body parts do and like all of these things and that will just help us be a more productive society I think for sure. We could we could for sure Kelly Cox: Yeah. Yeah. We could go off on so many tangents all that, but yes, yes, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. emmamma: absolutely what else do you want to share with listeners today? Kelly Cox: any part of getting pregnant, staying pregnant, delivering a baby, to me it's all natural. So we get hung up on are you doing a home birth, you're doing a hospital birth, are you using an epidural, are you going vaginal? Like it's just like there's there's put down all the crap. Like the if you are trying to get pregnant Get as much support as you have. When you're pregnant, ask for the support you need. When you're parenting, ask for the support. Because we are not meant to have these babies and raise these babies alone. We have always done it in community. And so I know we talk about like takes a village. you know, I always say it does it doesn't take a village to raise the baby, it takes a village to raise the village. And so any way you can support that is great. Like what you're doing, just dropping something off at Costco on the porch, that is part of the village. The knocking on the door and walking in, not so much village mentality, right? And so just like emmamma: Yeah. Kelly Cox: it's a it is a it's a beautiful thing raising babies or or starting your family, however you do it. If you you know, if some peop some people need help. You need a lot of help getting pregnant, some people can't, and they meet their babies through s some another mother. it's all beautiful and it should all be cherished and I think we should Just not let the stigmas get to us. As much as possible. I mean we're all human, but you know, get emmamma: Yeah, absolutely. That's so good. Well, thanks so much for being here, Kelly, and sharing so much about yourself and about what you do. Where can people connect with you specifically? Kelly Cox: the app web app is sharehetrop.com. Anyone can email me. It's Kelly at sharehetrop.com and we are on all socials at share the drop. I have very thick skin. I love feedback. I'll listen to ideas. and I love collaborating. So anyone can just reach out at any point. Thank emmamma: Awesome. Thanks so much for being here, Kelly. Kelly Cox: you. emmamma: Thanks so much for listening in to the Cyclical Duel podcast today. I'm so glad you were here. And if today's episode helps you feel more connected with your body, I'd love for you to share it with a friend or and leave a review. It really helps this podcast reach more women like you. And if you're ready to go deeper, don't forget about my program called Matriarch. You can learn so much more about your body and pass it on to the next genuine. generation. Until next time, keep listening to your body. It's telling you so much more than you realize.