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4 Things You Should Never Say To A Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So come on, come on in here y'all, come on.
• 0:03
  What are four things that you never say to a narcissist?
• 0:08
  I know y'all gonna have your own list.
• 0:10
  I was actually scrolling through YouTube, right and one of Doctor
• 0:13
  Romney's videos popped up and there was the there was the
• 0:15
  title of her video and I'm going to link it in the description.
• 0:18
  It says 4 things to never say to a narcissist, right?
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  I saw that. I was like, oh and somebody put
• 0:25
  the list of the four things in the comments section.
• 0:27
  So y'all go watch her video for her perspective.
• 0:29
  But I'm going to yell my perspective on the four things
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  she said don't say to a narcissist.
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  And she goes over the reasons why I'm a diagnosed narcissist
• 0:38
  and I'm going to tell you why or why you should not say these
• 0:41
  things to a narcissist, right? Because he probably won't get
• 0:45
  you anywhere. The first thing she says don't
• 0:49
  call them a narcissist. Simple, straight to the point.
• 0:55
  Calling them a narcissist won't help.
• 0:58
  And the crazy name out of there. Y'all if y'all know me, that's
• 1:01
  part of my story. That's part of my story right
• 1:04
  there. My wife literally called me a
• 1:05
  narcissist and then she left. She was like it's so damn hard
• 1:09
  to live with a narcissist. I was like, wait, what
• 1:13
  narcissist? You're a narcissist.
• 1:15
  Of course, of course I called her a narcissist back, right?
• 1:17
  But she that's what she called me.
• 1:18
  She's like so damn hard living with a narcissist.
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  And I just thought narcissist was a buzzword or just you,
• 1:23
  you're cocky. You conceded.
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  I was like, look, I can't help how I look.
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  You are a narcissist. And it just started me.
• 1:29
  So me because I'm super inquisitive and I have my own
• 1:32
  long journey about how I found out I was a narcissist.
• 1:35
  I looked it up and it helped me understand who I was.
• 1:38
  That normally does not work. Most times that will not work.
• 1:42
  Calling a narcissist A narcissist will weaponize the
• 1:45
  word against you. Typically it, it ends up you end
• 1:49
  up weaponizing that, that word that you use to help you help
• 1:53
  you understand what you're dealing with or who you're
• 1:55
  dealing with. Typically now they use that same
• 1:59
  word against you. They're going to call you a
• 2:01
  narcissist. They're going to call you toxic.
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  They're going to call you a liar or manipulator.
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  They're going to start to mess with you.
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  And that's how it typically works right there.
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  Because now you don't have your fail safe anymore.
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  Narcissist is now going to be used against you.
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  Now the word is going to be used against you.
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  It just is. Now the word narcissist is a
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  weapon for them. That's why I don't think you
• 2:23
  should call them a narcissist because it doesn't serve
• 2:25
  anybody. It this is your protection right
• 2:27
  here. This is how you can look it up
• 2:28
  and understand who you're dealing with.
• 2:30
  You can kind of learn your opponent.
• 2:32
  It's kind of white. Like if you're in the sports,
• 2:34
  it's kind of like watching the other teams film to learn their
• 2:38
  plays. You're not going to tell them
• 2:39
  that you know their plays, right?
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  I know your plays. Why would you do that?
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  Then they're just going to switch it up.
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  You see what I'm saying? Once you call them a narcissist,
• 2:46
  you're going to switch it up like you really will.
• 2:49
  And if you call them a narcissist and they start to
• 2:52
  tell their family and friends, their family and friends are
• 2:55
  100% going to be on their side, aren't they?
• 2:58
  Their family and friends are going to be on their side and
• 3:00
  started the enablers and the flying monkeys will come to
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  their defense and be like, no, you're not a narcissist.
• 3:07
  Your partner is. We never liked them from the
• 3:09
  beginning. We want we warned you about her.
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  We warned you about them, we warned you about them.
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  You should have knew that, right?
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  You already knew who they were. That's the type of stuff you're
• 3:23
  going to be dealing with and battling when you're dealing
• 3:25
  with an abusive, manipulative person.
• 3:27
  So don't yes, I truly believe that.
• 3:29
  Do not waste your time calling them a narcissist because they
• 3:32
  will not help you out in the end.
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  Believe your wife called you what and then she left.
• 3:36
  She called me a narcissist and she left.
• 3:37
  She didn't call me a narcissist hoping that I would change and
• 3:41
  go through the you can tell she tell look at my on my channel.
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  She tells her story, not one point on there, not one part on
• 3:48
  there in my story and in her story that she's like, I called
• 3:51
  him a narcissist hoping that he would change.
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  No, she called her because she was angry and she was leaving.
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  So you're calling them a narcissist won't help.
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  It actually turned it actually hurt you because they'll use
• 3:59
  that against you. You'll be the narcissist.
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  They'll look up, they'll go look up the word narcissist.
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  They'll be like, hey, look, thanks so much for opening your
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  mouth and calling me a narcissist the other day in such
• 4:08
  a disrespectful way. You actually made me look it up
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  and he helped me realize that. Drum roll, please.
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  You're the narcissist. You're this, you're that.
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  You see what I'm saying now? Your now your safety word has
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  been it's going to be used against you and you don't want
• 4:23
  that. You don't deserve that.
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  The next thing right here, the next thing #2 She said don't
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  tell them that they are gaslighting you.
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  I feel like this is going to goes with the same, this kind of
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  goes with the same flow as not telling them that they're a
• 4:39
  narcissist because you give them a new word.
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  You're arming them, you're giving them the bullets, the
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  metaphorical bullets to shoot you with when you give them this
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  word gaslighting, mandate. If they, if they've never been
• 4:53
  introduced to the word gaslighting and now you do it
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  mandate they going to, they going to lose their damn minds
• 5:00
  on you. If you, if they've never heard
• 5:02
  the word gaslighting before and now you're calling them a
• 5:04
  gaslighter, now you're accusing them of gaslighting you, they're
• 5:07
  going to look it up and they're going to become better
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  gaslighters. Like even if they already had
• 5:14
  the bullets to metaphorically shoot you with, you just gave
• 5:17
  them some hollow points because now they're going, now they're
• 5:20
  going through your vest. They got hollow points.
• 5:23
  Now they going through the vest. Now there's no shielding
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  yourself against these bullets, you know what I mean?
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  There's no shielding yourself. Now, you gave him the bullet, so
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  don't call it. You're gaslighting me.
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  It doesn't help you in the long run.
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  Some of y'all have my already done this job.
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  If you already done it, don't do it again, right?
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  Hopefully they'll forget. Hopefully, like hopefully they
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  like they got a mind of a goldfish, little narcissistic
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  goldfish. They swim, they swim around the
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  tank and it hit the wall and they forget.
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  They swim, they go swim, they go swim the other way, you know
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  what I mean? Hopefully they'll forget
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  gaslighting just arms them, y'all 'cause then they'll start
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  really gaslighting you or claiming that you're doing it to
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  them. They blame the the blame,
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  deflect. They pass it back to you.
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  I promise you, they'll tell you all the way that you've been
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  gaslighting them for years. You've been gaslighting me for
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  years. And I'm so glad you woke up.
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  You, you woke me up when you said that I knew it.
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  I prayed to God one night. God, give me a sign other than
• 6:24
  other than me cheating and not getting caught.
• 6:26
  Give me a sign to see if I'm supposed to be with this person.
• 6:28
  And you called me, you said I was a narcissist and you said I
• 6:30
  was gaslighting you. And God was like, gotcha #3
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  don't tell them that you think that they never can change.
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  Don't tell them that you don't think they'll ever change one
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  narcissistic people. I just in my mind right here.
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  If I heard that statement, I will automatically think that
• 6:54
  you think I'm a bad person. I don't want you to perceive me
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  as a bad person, regardless of what I've been doing to you,
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  regardless of what I've put you through, regardless of what we
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  what you've suffered through. I don't care if you tell me you
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  don't think I can change. Guess what?
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  Now I'm now I'm going to attack you because now you tell me I'm
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  a bad person. Now you've hurt my ego.
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  Now you've made you criticized me.
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  This is literally object criticism.
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  You've now criticized me. You told me I can't change.
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  You told me I'm going to be the same person I'm ever and that's
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  going to make me feel this big as well.
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  Excuse me? That's going to make me feel
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  this big. You never going to change this?
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  Damn, they're saying like this. Damn.
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  They're telling me that I'm just like the parent that abandoned
• 7:38
  me. You just like your daddy?
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  What you just like your mom, what you see what I'm saying
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  that's an attack. And also when you say stuff like
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  that, when you say I don't think you're ever going to change,
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  man. If I put my if I put my
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  narcissist hat on, y'all, if I put it on right here, if I hear
• 7:56
  your statement, I don't think you're ever going to change now
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  because I heard that statement also.
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  You could also just now, if I accept that you said that
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  statement, I like OK, you don't believe in me.
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  You're attacking me. You don't.
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  You don't. You really don't believe in me.
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  Guess what? Now I feel like now you've
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  opened the door for me to go cheat.
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  Now you've opened the door if I'm not already cheating, now
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  you open the door for me to feel better about the cheating that
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  I've been doing. I don't even feel bad no more.
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  Now you open the door for me to go out and try to step out and
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  find somebody else that does believe in me, because you don't
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  believe in me. Now I'm going to go tell my
• 8:31
  older flying monkeys and my friends and family that you
• 8:34
  don't believe in me. Regardless if it's true.
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  You can be what you said because absolutely be true.
• 8:38
  I'm never going to change. Yeah, I'm probably not going to
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  change, but you didn't have to say that I'm not stupid.
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  That sound, I'm probably definitely not going to change,
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  but you absolutely did not have to say that to me.
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  How dare you? How dare you?
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  I know it sounds stupid, doesn't it?
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  It really does sound ridiculous #4 the last one on her.
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  Let me take my narcissist head off.
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  I'm I was in narcissist mode too long.
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  Don't tell the narcissistic person that you don't forgive
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  them. Don't say you don't forgive
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  them. Oh, that's the interesting one
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  right there. That's very interesting.
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  Do not tell them that you don't forgive them, but don't tell
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  them that you do right here. So it's just kind of like
• 9:19
  leaving your forgiveness ambiguous, like having a little
• 9:22
  bit of ambiguity with your forgiveness if they do something
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  horrible to you, right? If they do something horrible to
• 9:29
  you, don't tell them that you don't forgive them.
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  Don't even bring the word forgiveness.
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  Because if you tell them that you forgive them, of course
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  they're going to think it's OK and they're going to keep doing
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  it over and over again. But if you don't tell them that
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  you forgive them now, they're going to say you.
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  You never get over anything. You hold grudges.
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  You're living in the past, right?
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  It's just in this space right here.
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  You have to make a plan. Well, I if, what if I do forgive
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  them, Y'all? Everybody has their own
• 9:55
  religious belief. You are entitled to your own
• 9:57
  religious belief wherever you are.
• 9:59
  Everybody that doesn't share that belief system.
• 10:02
  So if you like, if you, if forgiveness is a part of your
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  belief system, then you can forgive them internally.
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  But you don't have to reconcile with them.
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  You don't have to get back with them.
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  I'm telling you, because if you tell them that you forgive them,
• 10:15
  they will absolutely run with it.
• 10:17
  They will run with it and they will never let it go like that.
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  Like a damn like, like the baton in the in the Olympic race, in
• 10:25
  the 4 by 4 Olympics. Boom.
• 10:29
  They will never let it go. But if you tell you to tell,
• 10:32
  tell them you don't forgive them, they'll be begging,
• 10:35
  pleading, they'll attack you. You probably go through the
• 10:38
  cycle of narcissistic abuse very fast, right?
• 10:41
  Very, very fast. Like you go from love bombing to
• 10:44
  devaluation to discard to hoovering, all in a in a day,
• 10:48
  all in an in an hour. It go, yeah, it could go very,
• 10:52
  very quickly for you with the love bombing stuff.
• 10:55
  It really, really good. So anyway, y'all, I'm going to
• 10:58
  link Dr. Romney's video so y'all can go check it out.
• 11:00
  Personally, if you're interested in my coaching, my courses,
• 11:03
  anything like that, y'all check out my website,
• 11:04
  mentalillness.net for all things Lee Hammock.
• 11:07
  The website is in the bio, but it's in the description of every
• 11:10
  video and podcast that I do. Hit the subscribe button and I
• 11:13
  am out. Peace.
• 11:16
  What's going on, beautiful people.
• 11:17
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:19
  I'm so grateful, so grateful. While you're here, go ahead and
• 11:23
  click on the screen to watch my latest upload or watch the video
• 11:26
  that is best tailored for you. Video pic for you.
• 11:31
  Anyway, y'all, thank you again, I'm up.
• 11:32
  Peace.