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Relationship Gods Way-Communicate · Brewing Better Marriages

• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I've been looking for you.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I've been looking for you.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Brewing Better Marriages from T South Dakota with Philip and Debbie Sanders.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: If these podcasts have been a help to you, pass it on to others.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Let us know with an email, and also include any questions you might have on the subjects that we cover.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: A word that you will hear often is honorable, which means Honorable means honored, esteemed, precious, costly.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And what we're saying this for is this is combating the spirit of our age, a non-committal attitude.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Make a commitment to your marriage.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Those are some of the things that we've been discussing over the last several podcasts, and we're going to continue on some of those things today.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about a responsibility that you have to give your marriage to God.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because God is the author of a marriage.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the little triangle that we illustrated?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: You have you on one side, the man on one side, the woman on the other side, and then you have a God up above.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And the closer that you get to God, then the closer that you will be to others.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you take the responsibility with God and what God has, then it will lead you into romance, a very romantic relationship, right, Deb?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Psalms 23.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's even in romance, isn't it?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sure it is.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we discussed that.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: We even gave some personal illustrations along that line.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you have a res do it as a responsibility God's way, then you have romance in your marriage.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Then you come with a reward.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Reward is not just sexually.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Reward has to do with what?
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Reward has to do with a home complete with unity and peace, a husband and wife loving each other and the children.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to step on ahead just for a little while on this podcast.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: We may not get through all of this, but we want to talk about having a relationship God's way.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is vitally important to every one of us.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the perfect ways of having a relationship the way God wants us to have it is found in the Word of God, and it is communication.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: What does Proverbs say about that, Deb?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Proverbs 18 24 says, A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Does that even go along with marriage?
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I have to show myself friendly to you all the time.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess that'll work if you get friendly back then.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll be more friendly as it goes.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then what does Ruth say about this?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Ruth 213 says, Then she said, Let me find favor in thy sight, my Lord, for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaids.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: A friend loveth at all times.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that what the scripture says?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And also a friend is born for adversity.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So if these are true where our marriage is concerned, then we must communicate friendliness to each other.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: What's some of the ways or that we don't?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do we carry we I think we discussed some about carrying baggage into our marriage?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Did you know that the majority of homes that are divorced come from homes that are divorced?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: You follow that through.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: A majority of alcoholics are from alcoholic parents.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: A majority of drug addicts are from drug addict parents.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so therefore, we bring that luggage into our marriage, a lack of communication.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're not careful, we just we just kind of exist.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: We don't communicate.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that's not the way a friend is.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've got some friends that I may talk to what, once, twice a year, maybe three times a year.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we still are friends and and our conversations last a long time because we have to catch up on things.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But then there are real friends that uh I talk to uh on a weekly basis.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and man, if your wife, if your spouse or your husband is your true friend, how often should you talk to him, Deb?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Every day, I would hope.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, not in a bad way, but it should be in a communication way.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh just saying, I love you, I care about you, um, hey, I'm running down the store, et cetera, et cetera.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: But communication is a key to any relationship.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: A relationship with a boss, uh in business, a relationship in pastoring a church, a relationship in your marriage, even a relationship in raising your children, which we will get to at a further point.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to have a quality relationship if you're going to uh have a good marriage.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And this comes with communication.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Men are what?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: What do men do?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Men compartmentalize.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and women.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Our expressive response.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: There's a book out there.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: What is it called, Debbie?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh men are like waffles, women like spaghetti.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Amen, amen, amen, amen.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't communicate properly.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in order to understand that, Eggridge says it's not wrong.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Wrong, it's just different.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And and sometimes men in compartmentalizing, in that book, it talks about men are like the little squares in a waffle.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And women uh can multitask like spaghetti, okay?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um what's an illustration, Debbie, of of of women in spaghetti?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, uh you could be talking on the phone, washing the dishes, have the laundry going, uh, and if you've got little ones, you're still tending to them, but it it's you're doing multiple tasks at the same time.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas men And men, you know, ladies, I'll illustrate this way.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, your husband, you've got a door that's hanging, and you've got a faucet that's dripping, and tongue in cheek, you've just been asking him to fix those for the last, oh, you know, maybe two days.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh six, eight months, maybe, year.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let me see if I can shut your mic off at times.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: But uh finally he he starts thinking about that after 2,500 times of being reminded, and he gets his tools out and he starts across the floor to fix that door that's sagging.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, by the way, when you get that door fixed, you got your tools out.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Could you fix that leaking faucet?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: And and there is a problem with uh one of the bathrooms.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: There's a problem in there.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can keep going, but I'll let you have it.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and and the problem with that is we men automatically respond with one statement.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that is what, Deb.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I can only do one thing at a time.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're crowding my little waffle square.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so communication is a key, is being able to see he's a waffle.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But guys, you've got to also look at she is spaghetti.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: She can do multitask.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: But here again, it's not wrong.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's just different.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Say that again.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not wrong.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just different.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, Deb, we're all goodwilled people.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So action versus motive.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: What is the motive of our hearts?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Our hearts is to please our spouse.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I I want to keep I like a home that's peaceful.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I hope everybody else does too.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know she wants a home that's peaceful.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so our motives isn't we're our motive is not to upset each other.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Our motives most of the time is not uh to create confusion or or chaos.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: It is to keep peace within our homes.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: First Corinthians tells us love suffereth long, envieth not, vaunneth not itself, is not puffeth.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay, which doesn't behave unseemingly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, never faileth.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: God's word can really put it to us sometimes.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm glad for it because it makes us stop and think.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And even our relationship.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, you know, we're gonna combat this little s little little saying that goes on in this world today, and that is simply, oh, I fell in love.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you fall in love, Debbie?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, you will to love.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: You will to love.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um just an illustration, my dad before I married my wife, she was in uh Ozark Bible Institute.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was in OCA and then in Ozark Bible Institute.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um I'd go pick her up at the dorm, and she'd come out with that hair, that uh brunette hair all in big curls, bouncing.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And my goodness, she had on some sweet smelling perfume.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And when she got in the car, I mean, you know, her teeth were brushed and her breath smelt good, and uh I mean, she was dressed to the hilt.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, beauty.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: And my dad said to me one day, he said, son, after marriage, you're gonna wake up one morning and her hair's not gonna be curly, and her teeth are not gonna be brushed, and her breath won't be good, and she won't have perfume and all these things.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that is when your will kicks in.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now it was a it was a kind of a crude and rough illustration, but it's vice versa.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I always she always you always catch it.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh well, I had a full head of hair then, didn't I?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to worry about that anymore, no.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: No, we don't.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: And uh and so uh, you know, your will has to be involved in love.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Love is a will.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: When things even get rough with us when we're serving Christ, our will has to kick in and say, I still love him.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Even though it's rough, even though it's difficult, I still love my master.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same way in marriage.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: There are times we we illustrate this in our conference.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you want the in-depth on these things, come to one of our conferences or have your pastor have us at your church.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things we say many times is there are some times in the day we don't like each other.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's been times she said, I don't like you today, but I do still love you.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because your will is causing you to love.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so this this this philosophy, I just fall in love.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: No, you will yourself to love.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the communication, what form of communication is, is breaking down barriers.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: We have to get those barriers broke down.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: We build these walls up and we just let them keep going and keep going and keep going.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever I see that I have wounded her or I've said things, or there are problems that I sense, especially as the husband and the head of the home that's going on in our marriage.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: I try, I don't always, but I try to take the initiative and and just say, hey, let's not let's not do this, let's not live this way.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, let's pray right now.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just kind of hard to still be upset at each other when you pray.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Have you noticed that?
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's true.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever asked me to pray?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: A few times.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: But I told you you needed to pray.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, on that statement, we'll uh we'll kind of start breaking off here, but we want to talk about this relationship God's way, and we in order to have it, we've got to communicate with each other.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's the key to it all.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, once again, I want to say thank you for tuning in to Brewing Better Marriages from T South Dakota.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: We'd like to hear from you.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Our email is sandersministries at gmail.com.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or even better yet, go on our website, download these podcasts, forward them on to somebody else, send in a question with an email.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: You'll find all the information you need to know about us on sanders-ministries.org.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'll say that one more time.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sanders dash ministries.org.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: God bless.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: I hope your marriage is doing good and even better.