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Can narcissists CONTROL THEIR ACTIONS? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people Today we're going to be
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  talking about can narcissist control their behaviors?
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  Do they have? Any type of control or power
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  over what they do and how they treat you.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Hey, hey. I told you I love.
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  I love the intro music. Yeah, I do.
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  I do. I love it.
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  I love it. I love it.
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  But yes. Can narcissistic people control
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  their toxic behaviors? Is it possible for them to
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  control it at all? Or is it just a ploy?
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  Like is everything that they do it's out of control?
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  Do they have no power over what they do and how they treat you
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  and whatnot? Before we hop deep into today's
• 1:00
  episode, y'all, if you have not already, if you don't know, I
• 1:03
  have written a kids book, me and my wife tag team on the kids
• 1:06
  book. Always remember it's not your
• 1:07
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• 1:09
  you talk to your kids. A conversation starter about
• 1:12
  toxic relationship dynamics, having a toxic parent tell them
• 1:15
  the truth. You know, body positivity, all
• 1:17
  the other good stuff. Y'all, it's available on Amazon.
• 1:19
  It's got remember, it's not your fault.
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  But yes, yeah, Yep, Yep, Yep. Narcissistic people, can they
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  control it is. It is it possible that they?
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  Have no control. Yeah, It it is true that a lot
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  of narcissists could not have control over what they do and
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  how they treat you, right? There are certain things when
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  they have psychotic breaks or they lose control of their
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  actions and behaviors, they treat you a certain type of way
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  that that could absolutely be true, right?
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  But. Me, this is kind of show you
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  there's proof that some narcissists can't absolutely
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  control their behaviors. There's proof that proof of that
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  is the fact that they don't do it in public a lot.
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  That's proof. The proof the the proof of the
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  fact that they can control that they have some type of control
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  is the fact that not a lot of them don't behave the same way
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  in public that they do in private.
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  That's proof that they do have some type of control over what
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  they do and how to behave. That's proof that they, you
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  know, that they can act a certain type of way in public
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  can get can get the public people can get public people on
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  their side and things like that, right?
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  There's proof that they can absolutely do these behaviors in
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  public, Active behave in public, but soon as they get in the car
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  they lose their damn minds. Soon as they yeah, soon as they
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  step they stinking asses in that car or soon as they get they
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  stinking asses in the house, they want to switch it up an.
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  Active Active food. They want to act a monkey soon
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  as they get home. That's proof that they can
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  control it, that they there is a form of they.
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  Do have? A They do, they can.
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  Control it a little bit, at least you know.
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  It is true that some narcissists.
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  In the moment, in the heat of the moment when they're
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  experiencing an episode of narcissistic rage that they lose
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  control over everything. Would they have narcissistic
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  grades, You know, with a psychotic break, they could lose
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  control of all their behaviors. They could forget what they
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  said, They could forget what they do.
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  There is some truth to that right there, but they're also
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  the truth that they can control it because they.
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  Don't do it in public this way. A.
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  Lot of times when you decide to break up with your narcissistic
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  partner, people be like. I thought y'all were perfect.
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  Y'all had to y'all. Y'all were relationship goals.
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  If y'all did, if y'all didn't make it, I don't have any faith
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  in anybody. Making it anymore.
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  Y'all were the IT couple, we just thought y'all would go make
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  it blah blah blah Boo Boo Boo Boo BB.
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  That happens. Because narcissistic people can.
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  Cultivate a good. Image of themselves, so they
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  have. Such a good reputation that
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  people think that there are good people, but behind the scenes,
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  they're out of damn control. Behind the scenes.
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  Soon as they shut the door, they were like, hey, all right guys,
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  I'll see you later. We'll talk to you later.
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  It was a great night. See you guys later.
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  Boom. Soon the door closed.
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  Like boom. Why'd you act like that?
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  Why you embarrass me like that in front of people?
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  Why do you behave like that in front of people?
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  Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to act like
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  this? Why do you have to say this?
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  Why? Why?
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  Why? Why?
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  Why? They'll behave differently
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  behind the damn scenes. They can see on the shows.
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  This shows you right there that there is the ability to control
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  what they do, how they do it, what they say they have that
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  ability, when they when they. Pick and choose, there's a lot
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  of them that have the ability. To say and do a lot of different
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  things, but they pick and choose when to say and do it.
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  They pick and choose. When to behave they?
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  Pick and choose when to be on the.
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  Best. Behavior.
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  They can't be somehow, some way, shape or form.
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  They can't. Be on the.
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  Best behaviors with you? But all of a sudden, they're on
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  the best. Behaviors with everybody.
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  Else but other people around they're on their best behavior
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  and you and you be like you look you you looking like this.
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  What the hell you do? Like wait, why aren't you
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  yelling and screaming like somebody?
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  Like somebody will do something? The exact.
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  Same. Thing that you.
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  Did to get yelled at, but you see somebody else in public do
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  it and they're like you and they don't yell at all.
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  It's OK, everybody makes mistakes.
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  I'm I can be clumsy at times. You have a good day though, but
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  you but you did the exact same thing that you like.
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  What are you doing, you idiot? You're you're, you're.
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  Worthless. You're useless.
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  You're a useless bastard. You blah blah blah.
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  They were yelling, screaming. You were like wait wait, wait,
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  wait hold up, hold up, hold up hold up wait, wait a minute,
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  wait, wait a minute, hold up, wait a minute.
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  Y'all are always finished. Why did you yell at them?
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  You yelled at me for the exact same thing.
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  Why ain't you yell at them? I know a lot of people, I know a
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  lot of people think that right there, right?
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  I know there's a lot of people who have who who have that same
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  type of mindset, who behave that same type of way, who think like
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  that. Like and they they won't have an
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  explanation, they'll just. Say you deserved it.
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  They can't. Explain to you.
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  Why they behave differently with you?
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  They'll tell you that you deserve that.
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  You make me behave in certain way.
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  You bring out the worst in me, they will tell.
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  You. That you.
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  Bring out the worst in them while they're being the worst to
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  you, they'll be treating you the worst, right?
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  But they'll somehow, some way, shape or form, tell everybody
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  that you bring out the worst in them, like your behaviors or why
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  they treat you to say this. Treat you a certain type of way,
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  like you did this to me, like you made me do this, like the
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  reason I yell at you is because you deserve to be yelled at.
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  The reason I'm, I act this way towards you because you deserve
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  to be I, I, you deserve these type of behaviors exhibited
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  towards you. Like you deserve this.
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  They will tell you that you deserve it.
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  They'll blame you for every single thing, like very little
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  accountability on their part of what they're doing and how
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  they're treating you. But damn it, they'll tell you
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  directly to your face that you deserve it.
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  Like you bring out the worst in me.
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  I only get. This way with you.
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  I only behave. This way with you.
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  I only do. This with you, this is how
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  things have to go. This is how things are need to
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  be planned. You mean this is the mindset of
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  a lot of toxic narcissistic people.
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  And I tell you like they're always as long as y'all stay
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  with them, they're always going to have a reason to blame you.
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  They're always going to be able to put it on to you.
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  They're always going to say, hey, hey, look, this is what's
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  going to happen to you right here.
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  You know, this is what's going to this is what they're going to
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  do. This is what we're going to do.
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  This is how we're going to handle those things.
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  Like I want, yeah, I want y'all to win.
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  This is this is me being realistic with you.
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  I want y'all to win so bad. But as long as you're in this
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  types of relationship, you have to learn how to navigate around
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  this person because they're always going to act this way,
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  like they have some type of control.
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  And if you bring it up that they fact that they control and they
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  treat other people differently. They will always.
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  Find a way to tie it to you. They will because everything,
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  every time you bring it up in a certain type of way or any type
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  of way, they're. Going to just say hey look.
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  You deserve this. I behave this way towards you
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  because you deserve this. You bring out the worst in me.
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  You act like this towards me, so I have to act like this towards
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  you. You absolutely bring out the
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  worst in me, They'll put. It on to.
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  You they, That's what they do to you.
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  They. Will put it.
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  On to you, Willie. OK, I hear you.
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  Like, I hear you. I hear you.
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  But what can I do about it? Like, yeah, yeah, you have to
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  try to find a way to communicate information to a narcissist that
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  makes it not sound accusatory. You have to, you know, because
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  they like, yeah, they're always going to feel.
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  Like they. Can they lose control around
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  you? They like you.
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  Because I've truly believe that most narcissists, right, have
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  limited emotional capacity. Most of them do.
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  They have very limited emotional capacity.
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  They don't have, they don't have enough to go around, right?
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  Narcissists can feel emotions, They can experience emotions and
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  things like that. They just don't have enough to
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  go around a lot of time. This is my belief.
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  So you get the least of it. You get the worst of the
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  emotions, but you get the least of the emotions.
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  Like you get the worst part of their emotions.
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  Like you get the anger, you get the rage, you get the the bottom
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  of the barrel emotions. Everybody else might get love,
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  affection, everybody else might get the effort that they put in,
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  but around you, they feel like they don't need to be in
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  control. They feel they feel like they've
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  gotten you to a point they don't.
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  They don't need to have control around you.
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  They have to have control around everybody else because having
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  control around everybody else helps protect their reputation.
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  Having the having control around everybody else helps protect how
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  they are viewed, helps protect their image and whatnot.
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  But not having it around you, not having it with you doesn't
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  mean anything to it doesn't mean much to them.
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  Like I cannot, I can lose control around you and I can
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  still live the life that I want to live because it's behind
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  closed doors and because I have such a good, good reputation out
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  in public. People not going.
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  To believe you. Unless you have some recordings
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  and. Sometimes, yeah, sometimes if
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  you, even if you have recordings, people are not going
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  to believe you anyway. But even if you have recordings,
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  people still might not believe what you experienced.
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  And it sucks, especially when you, you have a toxic
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  narcissistic partner and with a good reputation and they've been
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  actively abusing you. You have footage.
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  You have footage of being yelled at, scream that hit push thrown
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  around, threatening to be unalived.
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  Whatever it is, you have evidence and people don't care.
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  People like, well, hey you, I'll take them.
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  If you don't want them, I'll take them.
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  I'll dance right up in that household.
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  You don't want my I'll take them.
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  There's other people here to. Make them happy.
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  I'll bend over right in front. Of them what again y'all?
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  And this, like I said, they do have the ability to control it
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  somewhat and they just choose not to.
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  Y'all, I'm just. Telling you they feel like they
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  don't. Have to around you because it's
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  going to sound weird. They have this weird level of
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  comfort. Like home is the comfort zone
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  for a lot of narcissists, right? Home is the comfort zone.
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  Then home inside the bubble. I can take the mask off in
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  public. I have to wear the mask.
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  It's kind of like, you know, it's got like what what Bain
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  said from Batman, like word of mouth.
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  You, you only started the word of mouth, whatever it is, you
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  know, but they have to have the mask on in public.
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  Home is mask. Off.
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  You know, I don't have to have this mask on at home.
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  I can be who I want to be. I don't have to be in control.
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  I can let loose and letting loose a lot of times me letting,
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  letting, letting the abuse flow. And it's it's horrible to say
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  they they do let the abuse flow. They do, they do let the
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  toxicity flow. They do let it just flow and it
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  hurts. It sucks.
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  It's so bad. You know, I hate that a lot of
• 11:01
  people have the experience. I hate that a lot of people have
• 11:02
  to go through this. I really, really do.
• 11:04
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• 11:08
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• 11:18
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• 12:11
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