Latest / I Choose Me with Jennie Garth / I Choose...To Do My Best with Busy Philipps

Transcript

I Choose...To Do My Best with Busy Philipps · I Choose Me with Jennie Garth

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, everyone,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. So
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  Speaker 1: my guest today is brave and bold. She is unapologetically
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: who she is. Not to mention, she's spunky, which is
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: my favorite kind of lady. You know her from roles
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: in Freaks and Geeks Dawson's Creek, I Feel Pretty. I
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: happen to love her in Cougartown opposite Courtney Cox. Her
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: show Busy this Week on QVC Plus is so fun.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I know because I was just on it. She is
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  Speaker 1: also the co host of her own podcast, Busy Phillips
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  Speaker 1: is doing her best. Please welcome Busy Phillips to the podcast. Okay,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I am so happy to have you on the podcast.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: This is really fun.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: We've spent some time together now, I know, yes, because
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: I was just on your show.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It was a blast.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: And I got to know so much about you, which
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: is crazy.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: We have so much in common, which is crazy.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Much like it keeps happening and we talk more about it.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I did more than I mean I knew.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: I knew you were from Arizona because I remember being
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: a kid wanting to be an actor and knowing that
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: you were from Arizona, like you and David Spade. That
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: was that was like the two people on television from
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: where I'm from is yeah, ten then David's Paige.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: And look, and then you ended up in Hollywood. Yeah,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: out of Arizona.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: There must be something in the water. There's definitely something
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: in the water. I think it's the proximity.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: I'm not even kidding, Like I feel like, I don't
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: know if you've I feel felt like Phoenix was like
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: a suburb of Los Angeles kind of in a weird way.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can get there close. Yes, there's no traffic
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: on that highway.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: No, there's not. Well now they're probably the desert. Well yeah, yeah,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: you just do it, you just fly.
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  Speaker 1: I loved it. Well, I love being there, and I
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: loved living in the desert. There's something so settling and
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: grounding about the desert for me.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, me too.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: I'm Casey who's my producer on the talk show says
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: that I'm like a heat seeking lizard because I will
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: like lay down on hot rocks. We're so good, I know,
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: but it's so funny. It's like, I don't know, I
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: just I missed the heat and I miss the warm.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Do you get back there? Do you go?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: No, I haven't been in a while.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: You don't have family there or anything.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: I have a brother half brother there, but I haven't
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: seen him in so long. Yeah.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Kind of a great place to vacation. I'm not gonna lie.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: And you were just there.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta go hiking there too. So lovely. Yeah, Okay,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: you're just out there. You're challenging the norms. You are
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: sharing deeply personal stories and things that have happened to you,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: and you're standing up for what's right. I'm curious, were
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: you always, even as a kid, someone who wasn't afraid
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: to use her voice or did that come to you
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: later in life because you're so outspoken. Yeah, that's one
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: of the things that I really admire about you.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Thanks so much. Yeah.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think that speaking out about issues that
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: are important to me was always something that was valued
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: in my household and something that I saw my mom
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  Speaker 3: doing and being very vocal about things that she was
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  Speaker 3: passionate about, and and especially values like you know, the
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: things equality and and especially because you know, I grew
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: up in the like nineties, like gay marriage, like even
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: you know back then, like you know, my mom say
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: you know, and being very vocal about that kind of stuff.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: I don't know, And so then I think it was
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  Speaker 3: just yeah, I was always sort of out there. But
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: then you go to Hollywood and you want to fit,
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  Speaker 3: you want to get jobs. You're a woman, you want
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  Speaker 3: to end, you want to yeah, you're a young woman,
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  Speaker 3: and you really quickly learn that the way that you're
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: going to continue working is to be a good little
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: girls to be is to shut up and hit your
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  Speaker 3: mark and say your lines and like. And I was
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  Speaker 3: also able to do that part of it, you know,
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  Speaker 3: I was like because I wanted the jobs so bad.
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  Speaker 3: I wanted to do this thing that was my dream
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  Speaker 3: that I had loved doing since I was a little
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  Speaker 3: kid and had envisioned.
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  Speaker 2: For my life.
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  Speaker 3: So I was very much able to let that side
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  Speaker 3: of myself in those early years in the business when
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  Speaker 3: I was a kid and you have no power and
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  Speaker 3: you know that you're it's very clear that you're expendable
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  Speaker 3: to just like fall in line and not really make
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: too much noise because you know, as an young woman
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: in the nineties, late and.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I was like started my first.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: TV show was ninety nine, so like yeah, early two
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: thousand and then through the early two thousands. You know,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: there was the rough time to be a young woman
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  Speaker 3: in the entertainment industry.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, we were talking about that on your show. Actually,
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  Speaker 1: how it's a miracle that we've survived and you know
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: made it this far because there was so many weird
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: messages and there there was really nobody out there watching
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  Speaker 1: out for us.
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  Speaker 3: Oh and it was so ingrained in the culture too.
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: You know, you had like I don't know, even legitimate
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: at the time, like legitimate journalists like Matt Lauer like yeah,
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: asking Britney Spears if she's a virgin, you know what
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, And like it's like Britney Spears is seventeen
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  Speaker 3: years old?
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  Speaker 2: Sor what are you do? You know what I mean? Like,
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: and we culturally were all just like okay, yeah, like
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: let's this is the way that it goes.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, anything went yeah, celebrity.
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  Speaker 3: And you remember like it was like the height of
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Maxim Stuff magazine and like.
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  Speaker 2: All of the like gear or whatever.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: I don't even know what all the dude magazines were,
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: but I remember having this conversation with first my publicist,
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: and then I had like a general meeting at a
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: big studio for movies and being told like, well, you know,
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  Speaker 3: all the executives get the Maxim Hot one hundred and
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: they and they, you know, put post it notes on
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  Speaker 3: the girls that they want to see in movies. So
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  Speaker 3: if you're not doing Maxim, you know, your chances of
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  Speaker 3: doing movies is like plummets.
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  Speaker 2: And so yeah, I did.
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  Speaker 3: I put on a bikini and like crawled around on
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  Speaker 3: a like on a steer.
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  Speaker 4: I was.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was in Maximum Stuff magazine. Plainboy, No, you
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: no any of them.
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  Speaker 1: I'm too Midwestern.
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  Speaker 2: Well that's what they love, honey. I don't need to
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  Speaker 2: tell you that.
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  Speaker 3: I don't even put you in some pigtails and some
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: hay and we're good to go. No, But I just yeah,
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: I was like twenty two, I think, and I was
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: on Dawson's Creek at the time, and I remember feeling
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  Speaker 3: like also by the way, I was so not empowered
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: in my own sexuality. It wasn't like a thing that
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: I was doing like in a way that was empowering
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  Speaker 3: to me.
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  Speaker 1: In some way, you were just doing what was expected.
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  Speaker 3: I was doing what I was being told was going
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: to help me get jobs, and like, that's a bummer.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: That was a real bo. That's a bummer in retrospect.
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  Speaker 3: And sometimes you know, the autograph guys will still.
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  Speaker 1: Show you those pictures, ask me to sign those pictures
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  Speaker 1: they bring to you.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I had one photo shoot where I am like dressed
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  Speaker 1: and all greased up and like, look, my hair's wet.
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  Speaker 2: It's very sexualized. And that's the one I always see,
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  Speaker 2: of course, and it's so I mean, to this day,
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  Speaker 2: I'm like, guys, come on, it's been twenty years, get
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  Speaker 2: over it, Like we can't. We gotta find and we
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  Speaker 2: gotta find a more recent pick.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Okay, I'm I am too a straight shooter.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Do you find that you have been celebrated for being
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  Speaker 1: forthright or do you see it as even today? Is
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: it something that makes things more difficult for you?
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  Speaker 3: I think we have to hold both. I think that
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: both things are true. I think I am celebrated by
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: some and I think that it makes things more difficult
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  Speaker 3: in other ways and makes me not appealing to some people.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm not surprised, Like if there are people
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  Speaker 3: that don't want to work with me for that reason.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know, I've never gotten that particular feedback,
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  Speaker 3: but I can imagine that maybe there are. But that's okay,
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  Speaker 3: because I guess I wouldn't really that wouldn't it be
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  Speaker 3: a choice I would want to make anyway at this point?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what you're worth is you know? Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: I love that. A lot of people's a lot of
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  Speaker 1: women struggle with that, I think, and I think that
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  Speaker 1: we're often seen as difficult.
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  Speaker 2: Oh right, well, did you have the moments like I mean?
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  Speaker 3: I think for me it was my late thirties where
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: it was like a scene in Memento where all of
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: a sudden, I was thinking about all the actresses that
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  Speaker 3: I had heard stories about how difficult they were over
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: the years, and then I was.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: Like, oh, they were.
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  Speaker 3: Difficult, so they were just voicing what they needed.
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  Speaker 2: They just had an opinion.
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  Speaker 1: It was so hard back then to stand up. And
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I know for me, Shannon Doherty was one. She blazed
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: the trail for me, and she showed me how it
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  Speaker 1: was okay to stand up for what you wanted and
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: say no to what you didn't want. And I learned
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: that from her, And it was that moment where you're like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: she's not difficult. No, that's how they wanted me to
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  Speaker 1: see it.
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  Speaker 3: Right, Oh she's hard to work with. Oh she's hard
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  Speaker 3: to work with? Or is she telling you exactly a
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: way she needs and what she requires in order for
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: her to do her job. But when a man does it,
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: of course, or a boy like.
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  Speaker 1: A boy like sat yeah, you never see men having
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  Speaker 1: to justify them, like speaking their mind, speaking their truth.
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  Speaker 1: But that's what we have to do.
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  Speaker 2: It is.
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  Speaker 1: It's not fair, but so is life.
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  Speaker 3: I mean honestly, yeah, I think it is, but I
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: think it's better for our girls.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Oh little bit, you know what it's so. I've found
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: it so interesting that you were saying your mom inspired
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  Speaker 1: you to be to you know, stand up for things
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  Speaker 1: and speak, speak your mind, and you're doing the same
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  Speaker 1: thing magnified even multiplied for your daughters. And can you
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: see how strong they are because of that?
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: So strong, so strong.
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  Speaker 3: And a lot of times I feel like people ask
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: like I get like, you know, parenting questions or whatever
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  Speaker 3: when I do interviews, and I always default to I
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: don't think you have to do anything except lead by example.
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: They're always watching you from the time when they're like
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  Speaker 3: baby baby babies. The way that you speak to people
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: in public, the manners you have are the manners they're
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  Speaker 3: going to have.
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  Speaker 2: You want your kids to say please and thank you.
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  Speaker 2: Guess what you got to say? You have to be
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: a person that says please and thank you.
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  Speaker 3: Like it's just we think that we can tell our
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: kids what to be, but the truth is they're going
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  Speaker 3: to They're going to watch us and learn how to
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  Speaker 3: move through the world.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also, like my early twenty year old,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I think even my older twenties, she's in twenty seven
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: right now, I find that it's hard for them to
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: stand up and be her. Yeah, and that sometimes you know,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: sometimes and I or they'll come to me and talk
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: about it or talk about it to other people in
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: the moment, they don't feel comfortable standing up for themselves.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: And it's so preconditioned in our culture. Yeah.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like systemic. I mean, it's really just crazy.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: It's crazy that we're just still like like trying to
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: bang down these doors.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: And I'm always encouraging them to. I know it's.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: Scary, yeah, but you've got.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: To do it because nobody's going to stand up for you. Correct.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I know, and I think you know,
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: the more girls that get that message and the more
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  Speaker 3: they continue to do it.
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  Speaker 2: You know, we're going to have to just keep going.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: We just have to keep going, push forward, we keep pushing.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: For I want to talk to you about ADHD because
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: now I'm so curious. Okay, you've talked about that. You
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: were recently in recent years diagnosed with ADHD later in life.
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  Speaker 1: That's happening to a lot of women.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: I recently had a conversation with Holly Madison and her
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: autism went undiagnosed until later in her life. She was like,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: it explained so much for me.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, will you look back at the totality of your
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: life and you're like, oh, oh oh, maybe I wasn't
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: an airhead, Maybe I wasn't terrible in school, Maybe my
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: brain just worked differently. No one was really identifying it
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: because as women as girls, ADHD really presented differently than
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: it presented in boys and like, as we know, the
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: medical bias in terms of men versus women like is
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: just it's through your roof for everything, for everything. There's
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: just not as much research done. They really like focus
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: on the experience of men and men's health because we
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: live in this like.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: They put us in the same category. We're just not.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: But it just to be that way.
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  Speaker 2: It just doesn't. It doesn't try. It's not a one
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: for one.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: And so for a lot of men and girls, ADHD
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: presented less like that hyperactive little boy running around, can't
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: stay in the seat thing and more sort of internalized,
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: like the chaos was inside. And then I mean I
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: always think about this, like men and boys really do
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: seem to go outward with their stuff, right, like their trauma.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: They like, fight, they.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: Punch, they get great.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: You know, women do tend a lot of times to
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: really go inward on them, in on themselves and feel
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: terrible about themselves. And so yeah, like my low self esteem,
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: low grit because I I just was like, I know,
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: I am not keeping these things straight. I was always
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: feeling bad about myself. And my older daughter was having
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: just some like learning stuff at school or just you know,
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: the teachers had suggested maybe we get her evaluated for
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: some learning differences. And as the doctor was going through
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: the checklist, I was like, I have every single one
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: of these things that this guy is saying. And afterwards,
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: my Bertie's dad, my now ex husband.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: Was like, that's you.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: I was like, it is me.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: And so I went to the doctor and you had
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: got your own appointment. Yeah, I got my own appointment.
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: I went to another DIY. I went to an adult
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: doctor and he was like, oh, yeah, you have add
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: And I started talking about it on the podcast, and
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: the more I started talking about it, the more women
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: would reach out and just like, I can't I have
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: the exact same story. It wasn't until my twelve year
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: old was being diagnosed that I realized it. My whole
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: life has a different perspective.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: You know. I was sort of always.
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: Feeling like I couldn't get it together, there was something
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: wrong with me, And now I feel such Oh, I
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: feel so much more generous towards myself and my younger son.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I know you feel bad that, Yeah, I kind of
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: robbed your young the little busy inside of you.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, because I feel like I was really hard on her.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Always hard on yourself.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I just like I would hate that for
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: my own daughter.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: You know, you've really paved the way for a lot
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: of women by opening up that conversation. Because I after
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: just talking with you this afternoon, I'm good. I want
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: to go get tested. How do I So it's just testing, Like, well,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: there's like verbal testing or.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Is there blood testing?
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: No, No, they're not blood tests, but they but they'll
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: like ask you a series of questions and stuff, and like,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: you know, there's Look, we're all in a time where
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: there's a lot going.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: On, Jenny, there's a lot on our minds.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean, and like and so I
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: think and not only that, we're in a very particular
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: time in history where like we're getting so inundated with
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: information at a level that no one has ever in
• 15:52
  Speaker 3: history been inundated with before. So you know, I think
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: that there's a lot of things at play. But I
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: do know that they're many, many women, you know, like
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: older millennials, young jen z and who are really finding
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: this like late in life diagnosis to be incredibly helpful
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: and you know, finding ways of managing it better.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, you've enlightened me. And I appreciate that because
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: I you know, I told you before, I bounce from
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: thing to thing all day long. Yeah, and I don't
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: finish projects. Yeah, it takes me like weeks and weeks
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: to finish something, and I leave it in the middle
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: of the living room floor. Ye, walk around it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: One thing for me is just like getting I take medication,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: and taking the right medication really helps me to focus.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: And what's interesting when you say like the tasks, I'm
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: able to sort of prioritize tasks in a way that
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: literally never in my life when I'm when I'm taking
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: my medication, Like, never in my life have I been
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: able to do this. And all of a sudden, I'm like, oh,
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: I know exactly what I have to do, and I'm
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: going to finish this, put it away, and it's no
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: more like piles on the bottom of the stairs, like
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: so many piles.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: The piles. Yeah, the piles were a joke in my home.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: You said, you take medication. Do you mind sharing what
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: it is that you'll take?
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: Yes, I and I work well, so now then I
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: like they reached out and I work with a drug
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: company now, which is amazing. Yes, I mean this is
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: also guys. I mean, let's just be real. We got
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: to diversify, you know what I mean, and at this
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: point in our lives. But it really did work out.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. So
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: it's this medication called Calbery, which is non stimulant. It's
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: a non stimulant ADHD medication. There are several different types,
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: and I just think people need to, you know, obviously
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: talk to their own doctors. I'm not a doctor, but
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: for me, the non stimulant is better because I already
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: have been a person my entire life who has issues
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: winding down, sleeping and getting your brain off, shutting my
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: brain off.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want anything that's going to take me.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Up exactly exactly except like a little bit the stimulant
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: sort of, I guess the ideas with ADHD it sort
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: of counteracts it.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: I think that's what they say.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's confusing.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you just have to really, but you do have
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: to try like different, You just have to you have
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: to see what works and like yeah, and be open
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: to the process and that like it might not be
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: the first thing that you try that makes a difference,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: but they know you'll get there the right thing. You'll know, yes,
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: when you get there, you get there. Yeah, I think
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: with anything, right.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to experience things in order to know, yeah,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: and to learn what doesn't work for you. Yeah. You
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: recently posted a video on Instagram that really got to me.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: It stuck with me. It was so honest and relatable.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: You talked about having a weird day and feeling down
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: on yourself and how when you opened up to your
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: friend you found out that they feel the same way,
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: like they're having those days too. Yeah. I absolutely know
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: how negative talk can't affect my mental health. It can
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: put me in a bad mood. It can kind of
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: derail my day sometimes, and I'm most of the time
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: my own worst enemy. Yeah, and I think it's really interesting,
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: like how do you turn that car around for yourself?
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: Well, it's funny. Look.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I posted this video because I just felt like
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: sometimes I have these moments, especially on social media, where
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: I'm like, if I'm going through this, the chances are
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: there's like a million other women today who need to
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: see this right now, this second. And what had happened
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: was that I was just having this moment where I
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: was like, oh, what is it. I don't like the
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: way I look like I'm so old.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: I'm getting old.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you know whatever, Like I was just going
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: through this whole thing, and I called one of my friends,
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: who's like one of the most gorgeous, most put together.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: We're the same age. Basically, you know, like we're the
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: same age.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: And she I called her, not to not to even
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: vent about this, just to like I just called her
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: and she started going on about how bad she was feeling.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: And I thought to myself, like, Okay, well that's insane.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: And I would see it from a difference, yes, because
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: my perspective, I was like, you were literally the most beautiful,
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: like put together, You've got it all going like you're
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: you've literally never been hotter, you know, all of these things.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: And then I was like, well, I have to remember
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: that for myself, like I need to talk to myself
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: like I'm my own best friend.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: And that was it. I was just like, oh, I
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: have to, I have to. That's that was the switch
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: I had to flip.
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: I'm like, would I say would I say that about
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: my best friend?
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: No?
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: I would never say that about my best friend. And
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: I lost.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: I had told you this earlier because I was sharing
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: the tut about my tattoo. But you know, my high
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: school best friend Kate passed away. It'll be two years
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: in August, and you know, she was like didn't make
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: it to forty six, you know, and and I just
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: like I just hear her in my head like, guess what,
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: you get to still be at the party fucking enjoy it.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like it puts things into prison. Yeah, like we're
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: still at the party. We still get to enjoy it.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: And and on top of it, we're going to look
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: back on this time and I'm gonna be like, oh
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: my god, I was so hot and young.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I know, you know what I mean, because that's how
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: it is now. When I look at my younger self,
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I was so riddled with
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I know, conscious thoughts and hatred inward hatred about one
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: thing or another, and just worrying about things I couldn't control.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: And I think that too, Like I look back on
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: my early twenties and my twenties, my twenties period and
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I and I'm like, oh, that poor girl was like
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: I was so oh remember when I like went through
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: that period of time where I was like trying to run.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Two hours every day, Like what was I doing? Wasting
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: so much time?
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: And I try to apply that same logic to myself now.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: That is the that's the piece. I'm like, Okay, be
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: your own best friend. Think, think what Kate would say
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: to you. And also like, think about how you look
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: at yourself at even thirty two, you know, and I'm like, okay, girl,
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: you're you've got it, like.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: You've got it. You look amazing, everything's great. You're young.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: You're the youngest you're ever going to be again, right now,
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Take advantage of this. Yes, live it up. Yeah, it
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: passes like that. Yes, Or if something tragic happens in
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: your life ends like yeah, yeah, may as well have
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: enjoyed it. Death really puts things now into perspective, majorly
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: when someone you and someone you're close too dies, Yeah,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: gives you a lot of pause to think about things.
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, was that for you with Shannon, like said one
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: of the first people that that really was like your contemporary.
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: I mean, and of course you guys were kids together
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: as well, so.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: It was actually Luke. Oh yeah, I lost my dad
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: and then I lost Luke, and then the world lost Luke,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: and then Shannon, and both of those my you know, friends,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: my companions for so long gone. It just you wake
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: up and you're like, I'm so lucky and grateful to
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: be alive because literally I could die the next moment. Yeah,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: And it just makes you think about like living your
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: life to the fullest and being happy. Like I spent
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: a lot of time not being happy and like wondering
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: what the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: be happy? And I it just changes everything.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: It's a real perspective shift. And it's also so difficult too,
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: because I think when people haven't lost someone that they're
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: so close to, it's hard for them.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: To get it. It's just hard to get it.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my husband he lost a kind of close friend,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: but someone he went to school with. But that's it.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: He's never lost a parent, a grandparent, you know, never
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: lost so he hadn't no not that he hasn't lost
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: somebody like his contemporary.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: And someone you're really like, really close, so it's been
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: connected to forever. But I still feel like I don't
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: know how you are. But I definitely like Kate is
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: around all the time, and she like sends me signs
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: and like I just feel her presence in my life.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Isn't that a trip? Like when someone you are very
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: close with. I notice this with my dad the first
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: time when he died and I noticed, I thought, Oh,
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: that's it. He's dead. He's gone. I'll never see him,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: speak to him, feel him again. I mourned that so hard,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: and then at a certain point one day, I just
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: remember the wind blew yes, Oh my god, and you
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: just I just instantly just started crying because you knew
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: it was him, because I could feeling like I get
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I'm having the children now too, because you can feel them,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: and I in that moment sort of translated into it's
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: not a loss. It's now they're with you all the time.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: You can talk to them anytime you want. I know,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: like you have full access to.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: You know, I like Kate is around more now than
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: ever when we were you know, like we spent we
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: were kids together and then we spent so many years
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: of our lives apart because I lived in La she
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: lived in Arizona, and then in New Jersey and we
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: had children, and you know, we would try to get
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: together and but I would see maybe a couple of
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: times a year. We'd talk on the phone almost every
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: day at least, and then sometimes once a week if
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: we get we're both busy. But now it's like, yeah,
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: she's with me all the time.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: There's something so comforting about it.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: It's really special and and yeah, and a constant reminder
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: that like, first of all, we don't know anything nothing.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: We have no control over anything, and we know nothing
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: and we don't know how it all works. But I
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: do know that they're here with us.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's comforting. I feel like it's a better
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: way to look at things. Otherwise it's just kind of
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: lonely and sad and just sad about it.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: But I was really sad the other night. I was
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: feeling really lonely.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: It's hard, you know, like being divorced and I'm living
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: in a new city. Really it's like I've only been
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: here since twenty twenty, which is I know, five years,
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: but it's been a weird five years.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and a lot has happened.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: And I lived in LA for twenty three before that.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: And the other night, I was feeling really lonely and
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: I was kind of like waiting for some to call me,
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: and like I was just like bummed, and I was
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: listening to music and Kate's like favorite song came on
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: like out of nowhere, randomly, and it's not a song
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: that comes on very frequently, you know what I mean.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: It's not like on my heavy rotation. It just doesn't happen.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: And I just was like, I'm not alone I get
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: that you're here.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I love you. Oh my god, it's so comforting. I
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: know people Yeah, and people don't really. I mean, because
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: you're a spiritual person. I take you as a spirit person.
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: Spiritual person.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Do you believe in angels?
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: Of course? Of course, obviously there are people that don't
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: believe in angel that's crazy. I mean I talk to
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: them all the time, and I I send them to people. Yeah.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And you know, whenever any of my family is on
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: a flight, yes, yeah, playing with them, yes, And it's
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: such a great feeling because they're there to help you.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have one believe in that. Yes.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Do you think when we die, we our bodies stop, right,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: and then our soul goes on? And then is that
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: the angel that I'm feeling?
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: I think it's yeah. I mean I feel like I
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: actually don't know. I mean I feel like it's like
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: on an energetic level, on a molecular level, and I
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: don't know. I think that time doesn't I mean time
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: doesn't exist right, Like, actually time doesn't exist right.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Somebody made that up, right.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: So I don't know.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: It gets into like quantum physics of it too, which
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: is insane and not something that I can really drap
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: my head around.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: Guys.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: I did drop out of college to be on Freaks
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: and Geeks.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: I dropped out of high school to be on TV.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: So I did drop I did drop out.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: So I can't I can't speak to the quantum physics
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: of it, but I'm interested in that. But I do
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: think there's just I think it becomes like some sort
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: of expanded energy field that like, yeah, that their presence.
• 28:59
  Speaker 3: It's a it's energetic and it's you know, shows up
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: and is able to show up and do things like
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: change your Spotify to play woman's work.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: But I don't shit it, but it really works. So
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: I know you talked about that you have like bad days,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: you're feeling bad self limiting thoughts. Yeah, yeah, what I
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: heard this great thing actually last night from my daughter.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: She was saying, if you talk badly, if you have
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: negative self talk, you have to stop yourself and say
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: three things that you love about yourself.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: So what are what are three things you could say
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: that you love about yourself?
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, you know what, I really I have
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: so much that I love about myself.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: That is amazing.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: I am like very generous in all of the ways
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: with people, like with my time, with money, with like
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: anything you need, like resources, connections, other friends, Like I
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: know a person who can help you out, Like you
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: better believe that, like you're gonna get that information. I'm
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: gonna like help if I can see a way in
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: which I can be a helper. I always am doing
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: it or giving someone something or like like literally like
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: oh you like this bacelet here, just take it like
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: I'm just like I'm just very much. Don't come up
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: to me on the street and ask me for my bracelets.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: But but but I do. I do tend to be
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: I love that I'm I love my generosity. I love
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: that I'm in my time and mostly like my time,
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: like I I feel like I'm very generous with my
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: time to things that I care about, and.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I show up for people that I love.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Are you a hard worker? Yeah, I can tell.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: An insanely hard working. We're again Midwestern something yeah, instilled
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: in us from the I think the fields are something.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: I started working professionally in high school. I worked at
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: Calvernia Pizza Kitchen in high school, like a restaurant job.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: I love that place will instill a work ethic like
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: nobody's business totally. But I was always a hustler.
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: I was like always hustling, like I still to this day,
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: I like kind of consider myself a hustler.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: But I also have all of.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: These things that I want to show up for social
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: justice issues and you know.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: All acts of service. All you're doing acts of service.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: It's all about your generosity.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: So I love that. Okay, I love my nose. I
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: have a perfect nose.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Really do what you were born with.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: That it's natural. No nose job ever, guys, nothing nothing beautiful.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Thanks. I really really love my nose.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I was thinking, how beautiful your eyes are?
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I do love my eyes, but my nose is really
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: my favorite of my physical attributes.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: I really love my nose, and and I love I
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: love my well, I love my kids, but like about
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: myself like I love.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: I love how. I love that I'm an open person.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: I love how open I am. It makes me feel
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: less alone. And I love that if it can bring
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: other people some comfort, then that's such an incredible bonus.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: So I really love that too. So those are my
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: three things.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: I love all of those things about you so so much.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: You said you love your kids. You have two daughters.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: I have three daughters.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: My ex husband was like, should I have the third
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: before we got divorced.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, I know, man, damn yeah, threes, three's fun,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: but two is great, two is great. One was real nice.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought it was just gonna be one, one
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: and done. I kind of did because I was young too.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: I mean, you were very young. How old were you
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty four? Twenty four? Oh okay, Michelle was twenty
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: four when she had met told it. I think I
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: was twenty. I had just turned twenty nine when I
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: gave birt I was twenty eight, like my whole pregnancy,
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: and then I had Bertie at twenty nine. But like,
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: having kids in your twenties is a lot when you're working, it.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Is a lot.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: It's a lot to have kids editing point at any point, but.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, being a working mom full time, it was really
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: hard taking that baby a set with you at six
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: a m.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: That's right, That's what I'm talking about.
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: So I was like, well, I don't know if that's
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: going to happen again, and I was on it.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: I was on Cougartown.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: By the way. I love doing that. Thank you, I
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: really really I love that show, but that started.
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: I did the pilot when she was six months old,
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: and then started on her first birthday, so Bertie, So
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: those first few years of her life, I felt totally
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: overwhelmed and underwater, and thankfully had the greatest nanny of
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: all time, Ileana, who made my entire life possible and
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: made Bertie's life very enriched and loved and was able
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: to like schlep her down to Culver City to the
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: studio every day by Nina.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: I call her my Nina. Yeah, she was the nanny
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: as well. She's my best friend, my mom, everything all
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: rolled into one. Oh, she raised my children.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we were in a partner. Yeah, Eleanna and I
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: were partners, and and it really was. She's just she
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: was just such an incredibly important person in my life
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: and in my kids' lives, and uh but I didn't think.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: I was like, I think I can just handle the one.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: And then Bertie like turned four, and I was like,
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: but maybe, yeah, it takes it. I think, you know, no,
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: this is what I do. Because there's three of them.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: I can't remember which is which.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Luca was four or five when I decided, well, Aiden,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: all my kids were happy.
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: Accidents oh, well that's great.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I wanted to have a second one and I
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: went that wasn't happening, and I went to acupuncture and
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: that didn't work. And then of course three months later
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I was pregnant. Of course, so it did work. Like
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: it's still turns out something, yeah, yep. But what do
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: you think when it comes to raising these young women
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: and sending them out to the world on their own? Now,
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: what are some of your biggest fears? Oh?
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: My god, obviously, well, I mean this is like so dark,
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: but my biggest fear is that they'll be sexually assaulted,
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: raped and murdered.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, I mean that is dark, but can happen.
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: And then my second, like my fear one A is
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: that they will be sexually assaulted, raped, or murdered by
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: someone they love. Because statistically speaking, as women, like, that's
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: a well that's a reality, and I know that's really tough.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: No matter how strong we raise them to be.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: Of course, but that's the thing, like, as you've lived
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: your full life, like I'm sure I have had friends
• 35:51
  Speaker 4: who i've then who have later then you know, revealed
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: to me that they were in an abusive relationship or
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: you know, it's not it's not like.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: You just don't know, you just don't know. But I
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: that is like my biggest fear. That is just my
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: biggest fear, period, full stop and always has been. And
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: then I guess beyond that, I'm hopeful, and I think
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: that my ex husband Mark and I have raised them
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: in a way and continue to, by the way, raise
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: them in a way that they feel very secure and
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: safe with us so that they would tell they would
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: be able to come to us with anything in any
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: kind of situation.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: You know, it sounds like you and your ex husband
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: have a good relationship moving forward as far as its
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: co parenting. Yeah, we're doing it.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: We're trying. We did a lot of the we're always easy. Yeah, Yeah,
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: I did it too in there. And it's just so
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: much better when you get to the place where you
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: just accept it and you forgive. Yeah, and you move forward.
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, And I think for us, our relationship now and
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm sure yours in Peter's obviously is I
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: can't even do the math. But it's been a long
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: time Mark and I have known each other now, like
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: it'll be twenty years in June. You know, it's like
• 37:25
  Speaker 3: a huge chunk of my life like that this person
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: has been in and we have always been deeply committed
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: to the love that we have together for our kids,
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: because we do have love together for our children.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: And you obviously have love for him because I made
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: your children. I do, I do, and you spend so
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: much time with them. Yes, I feel the same way.
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: And you know, and he and I had sort of
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: like an evolution of our relationship and we worked in
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: therapy for a really long time before we actually separated
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: to try to just see what was possible and what
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: our relationship could look like. And so it's it's shifted
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: and evolved and it looks different and like, you know,
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: but I just want I mean what I want for him.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: I know he wants for me, which is ultimately like
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: we want each other to be happy and fulfilled.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: That's beautiful.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's what we should all want for people
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: that we like love in any way at any time,
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, absolutely So. On this podcast we talk about
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. What
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: would you say, looking at your life as a whole,
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: was the most impactful choice or decision that you've made
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: so far? The most impactful that's a big question.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's huge because we make.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Thirty five thousand choices every day at least.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think that we all have real sliding
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: doors moments, you know, And I always think I'm very
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: much like a could have gone either way, you never know,
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: like you could have picked door number two and still
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: I could. I could have picked door number two and
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: still could have ended up right here talking to you
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: through another set of circumstances.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: Maybe this was always meant to be, you know.
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: What I mean, Maybe I was this person you know
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: that I am in this version sitting here talking to you,
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: and maybe the journey would have looked different, you know.
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: I mean I had an abortion when I was fifteen,
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: and I think that, like I've obviously talked very publicly
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: and openly about it, but I think that my life
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: would have looked vastly different had I not been able
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: to make that decision safely and with support. And I
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: get I'm very I am very concerned to continue to
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: be very concerned.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: About the safety of.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: Women and girls in our country, and because it is
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: you know, there are many reasons why women need access
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: to abortion care, but one of them is to be
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: able to control their futures and their lives. And I
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: was able to do that and I'm so grateful for it.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah that's a big decision. Yeah, it was. It was
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: a big decision to have to make a child. Yeah,
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: basically a child. Yeah, Okay, I love that your podcast
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: is called doing your Best.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Busy Phillips is doing your best?
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: What that's all we can do. But what does doing
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: your best mean to you?
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: I mean it totally changes all the time, but doing
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: your best means that you, like genuinely are like, this
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: is what I'm capable of in this moment in time.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: This is my best. I'm doing it.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: And I try to like really show up with my
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: best for people, and sometimes I'm not.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I don't.
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: It's not it doesn't work and I fail, but I
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: really do try. And sometimes we talk about on the podcast.
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm like, you know what I did my best
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: at this week? I got rid of the piles on
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: the stairs. Yeah, look at me, look at me. That
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: was what I was able to do this week. Or
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: I remembered to go pick up my dry cleaning this
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: week and that was a big deal.
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: Just acknowledging those little wins. It is important.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And so like on a daily basis.
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: I mean it's sort of like almost like a gratitude
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: journal in a way too, because I'm like, you know what,
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: I did my best. I did my best at parenting
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: you know today with that situation. Didn't do my best yesterday,
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: But that's okay, Like there's always tomorrow, you know whatever,
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: right right?
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you said before, I know you're really close friends
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: with Michelle. Yeah, and I think she's wonderful Michelle Williams.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: Do you believe in soulmates when it comes to your girlfriend? Oh? Yeah,
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: do you think it's like predestined? Yes?
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: I do kind of.
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: I think Michelle and I were always supposed to meet.
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: We almost did, like several times too.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: But you met way back on Dawson's on Dawson's Creek.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but even before that, like we then I remember
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: at the time when we finally like or when we
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: finally when we first met and like became like instantly
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: new that we were meant to be together for life.
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: We were like, wait, you were in you know, doing math.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: I like you were in London staying in this hotel
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: and this month or this week and this month, and
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: was like, yeah, like we were both in this hotel,
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: like we must have seen you know, yeah, like stuff
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: like that, like did you see Past Lives? The movie
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: the Selene saw movie Past Lives?
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: I think, so I don't remember anything. Okay, sounds familiar.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: But they talk about that idea. It's the Korean idea
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: of a mom. Imma, mom, you're asking me. I don't know.
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: I think it's called mom. But where it's like, oh,
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: Michelle just texted.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Me see see weird See I love those moments.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: I know me too. Well.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: This has been happening to me so much recently, like
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: in such an intense way where like I'll think about
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: somebody and then the text pops up. Two days ago,
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: I was talking about a vitamin that I started taking
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: because a girl that I used to go to soul
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: cycle with in Los Angeles like ten years ago told
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: me about it. And I have not spoken to this
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: girl in forever. And she texted two minutes later, well.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: That's the thing. You know, you're exactly where you're supposed
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: to be when you have those synchronoic cities.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: One hundred percent weight. We have to look up the
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: proper word for this, guys. I'm sorry.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: It's the idea that.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: Every person that you come in contact with you have
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: like past life history with.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: That's kind of nice.
• 43:45
  Speaker 3: You should watch the movie again, I will you. I
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: in yan Inyan Indian Indian, right, it's in Onion, but
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: Indian Indian. Yeah, Indian Indian, and so it's like the
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: idea of Indian.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm gonna look, I'm going to research.
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: You should and you should also just watch that movie
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: again if you did, because it was really good.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: You have a special bond though, with your past from
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: Dawson's Creek, like certain members on that you've still friends with,
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: like Michelle.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: Well, actually we all have been sort of chatting, yeah, recently,
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: because as I mean, I'm sure you really to, like
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: James got a cancer, James Vanderbia got a cancer diagnosis,
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: and I think it really was shocking for everybody.
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: And come back together.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and so we've all been kind of like checking
• 44:35
  Speaker 3: in and texting and reaching out and making sure everybody's
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: doing good and doing all right and where is everyone?
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: And yeah, and Michelle and.
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: I got together with Katie, which hadn't happened in a
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: long time, even though you know, just life like just happened.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, And I had reached.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: Out to Josh after the fires because I knew that
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: he had lost his home anyway, like we had been
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: talking and.
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and reached out. I just, you know, Yeah, you
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: spend a lot of time with these people when you're young, young,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: and that's very formulive those years. Yeah, but I feel
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: that way about the freaks and geeks cast too. I
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: just you know, I can go like literally like year
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: two years without seeing or talking to one of them,
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: and then I run into them or talk call Linda
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: or text her, and then it's just like it's not nothing,
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: not time. Yeah, exactly same as us. Yeah, it's like
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: your high literally guys, like your high school.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: Friends somehow closer because yeah, thrust into these weird situations
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: exactly well before I let you go, Yes, Busy Phillips, Yes,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: what was your last I Choose me moment?
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Well I think my last I Choose
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: me moment, uh was a couple of weeks ago.
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: I was like, this is the thing, Like, I'm like
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: a I told I'm like a person that shows up,
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: I do things.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: But I had I was supposed to go to.
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: LA for like twenty four hours to perform in this
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: live show that was supposed to be. It's a fun
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: thing that I've done for years, this live show, and
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: I love it. But I had had just a really
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: really emotionally taxing like with kids stuff and personal life
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: stuff and probably periomenopause. I don't I don't know, you
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: know what I mean. Like, I was just like very
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: I was like emotional, and we were about to start
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: filming the talk show, so I would have had to
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: fly there. Yeah, And I had just had cricket for
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: spring break and had taken her to the UK, so
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: I was back in New York.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: I was jet lagged.
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: I was going through all this other stuff with you
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: just I don't need to get into, but like, you know,
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: just emotional stuff.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: And I called the guys and I was like, guys,
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: I can't come. I can't come to I'm gonna. I
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: need to choose myself and my mental health.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: I really felt like if I got on a plane
• 47:01
  Speaker 3: for six hours to go perform in two shows, one
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: at six pm and one at nine pm, and then
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: get back on a six am flight back to New
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: York and then film my first show two days later,
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: I would be a mess and I wouldn't be able
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: to do any of those things well. And there's an
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: older version of me that would have been like power
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: through it, suck it up, be it, tripper up. But
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, I'm just going to be honest
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: with my friends about this thing that I had committed
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: to previously when I thought I could do it, but
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: like situations had changed. There was like new information and
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: you know.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: They were disappointed and that was really hard for you.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: But did you feel relief? Well?
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: I felt immediate relief.
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: But I want to say this, like the guys who
• 47:47
  Speaker 3: produce this show, it's this live like stage show that
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: I have done for ten years called The Thrilling Adventure Hour,
• 47:55
  Speaker 3: and they like released it as podcasts too, and they
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: do it with a bunch of other actors and so fun.
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: And the guys who write the entire thing are awesome,
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: but like, just full disclosure, neither one of them have children,
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? And so I sort
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: of was like kind of preemptively like, oh, they're not
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: going to get it, and they're not going to be
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: kind about it.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: They're going to just be mad at me. That was
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: like what I thought.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: And they wrote back with the nicest, loveliest like you're
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: mentally like you're the most important. You're your well being
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: is more important than our show. We'll figure it out.
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: Don't worry about it. Take care of yourself. They yeah,
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: and I was like, oh.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: You guys really are my friends.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really nice.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: That's a good when I hear that a lot, saying
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: notice things. Yes.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: Well, it's a hard thing for people like us to do, I.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: Think, especially when you're a generous Yeah, your time and
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: you're everything, and I want to show up. Yeah, you know,
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: because that's who you are.
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, But I don't. I tend to not I do
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: tend to not over extend. I will say that the
• 49:00
  Speaker 3: canceling last minute was really like, this was a thing
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: that I don't I'm not a person who does that.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: I don't flake, but this was like a step beyond.
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: It wasn't a flake. It was like, if I do this,
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been there. Yeah, I think I've had the
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: nervous break day. But it's so good when you say
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: no to yes, it is Yeah, Well you didn't flake
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: on me today. I didn't flake on you. No, And
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy that our paths crossed. We had such
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: a good day to get Yeah, it was so nice.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I love chatting with you and I love your clothes. Look,
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: look you're wearing my vest. You're wearing me by Jenny Garth.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: It's Me by Jenny Garth. There you go. What are
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: you wearing me?
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: Me by Jenny Garth.
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Thanks.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna go pick up my gut now, Okay,