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What would your ideal funeral actually look like…? · Anele and the Club on 947

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake up with a bang and the club on nine
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: four seventh. Every single one of us has a family
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: member like this, and for the longest time, this family
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: member has been judged and judged and judged and judged.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: But if we're being honest, you want to take a
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: page out of their book. Right, we all have a
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: family member that has planned their funeral.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Well, don't they say that you've got to You've got
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: to do these things. I'm obviously you create a world, right,
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: and then in the world you've got the opportunity to
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: say what you would want to have.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: What do you want?
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: What song you want to play? I know everybody has
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: a funeral song, like this is the song that I
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: want to play at my funeral. Most people have that,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: But there are people out there who planned the entire thing.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: What hymns will be sung by the choir, what food
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: will be served, how much food will be served, how
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: long the service must be? What beginner? Whon't you say
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: you were giving us specifics about what car you want
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: to be taken in.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: Listen, do not put me in an h one. I
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: want those you know, those durban herses where it opens
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: like the batmobile. Okay, on both sides and it's got
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: glass little mechanism where it spins your coffin around before
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: they take you out. So like a ballerina, you exp
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: one last work for the boys on the way to
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: the cemetery. Check a little booty on your way out.
• 1:28
  Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, one eight thirty eight, nine four seven
• 1:35
  Speaker 5: zero eighty four double zero, double zero ninety four seven.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: You judge them, but secretly you want to be them.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: What are you die hard about when it comes to
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: something that must be done at your funeral?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I think because I think the thing is I mean,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: it's this is life, right. So we all attend funerals,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: and recently I attended someone's funeral and it was lovely,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, wonderful, but it's like a wedding. You take
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: tips so you go. So for me, no, definitely for me. Yeah,
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: for me, I was like, okay, cool. That part of
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: the funeral was okay, it was six out of ten.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: And what I do this funeral specifically, what was wonderful
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: about it was the eulogy, Okay, because they did they
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: did recorded messages.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: From the family, from the family that was there.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: But it gives everyone the opportunity to be to say
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: you know, so you don't have too much blubbing at
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: the podium, so it is okay, Well, I mean, you know,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: we can blob, but then at least the message is
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: coming through clear, so.
• 2:38
  Speaker 6: You can blood, but just not at Frankie's funeral. So now, Frankie,
• 2:41
  Speaker 6: are you wanting something small and intimately?
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: No?
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: No, no, no no, beg guys. I for me, we
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: are going out with the bank funeral. Yes, absolutely, we're going. Firstly,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: you're going to learn a dance, okay, choreography, yes, slash.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: There's going to be a flash mob, right for me? No, well,
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I mean I can't reveal all secrets. Right, you'll find out,
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Sindy because your name is there as well. And then
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: and then it's going to sing a song for us?
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Why am I singing?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Why not fair?
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: You're so close?
• 3:10
  Speaker 6: What is she singing?
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: What is that?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: The answer? I was there, I.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Was, I was, I loved I loved that one.
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: I can actually hear the melodious sounds of your or
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: some loftis.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Fas spelling emotional to sing, frank But that's the moment,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: that's me. So to ma get a different doesn't want it?
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: H one?
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: You want to say see through coffin.
• 3:36
  Speaker 6: That no, no, no, not a sea through coffin.
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: Well, once you Sam Pickers kicked in, we can hazard
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: a see through coffin. Sorry you asked. I did say
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: once many years ago, when Katie Catapurtus was my TV boss,
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: that if it did happen before, like I hope it
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: doesn't happen soon. But I do want to lie in
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: state on set, you know, on my TV show, and
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: what file passed for three hours on the SABC? What
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: if I'll be working move around a lot.
• 4:05
  Speaker 6: We must all file past your yes.
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: For three hours. I think it'd be great.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: And man and them are sitting with you in the background.
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: So and I want Liane to do it like she
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: did Medieva, and.
• 4:17
  Speaker 6: I don't want to. I don't want to burst your bubble.
• 4:19
  Speaker 6: But it probably won't be enough people to file past
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: for three hours, So we're just gonna have the same extra.
• 4:24
  Speaker 6: There will be like paid actors just going around the answer.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: There they are. The mourner is not given much time.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: I tell you, I thought i'd heard it all zero
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: eight four double zero double zero nine four seven. What
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: ridiculous request do you have for your family, for your funeral.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, because this is your last last moment
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: to either mess with them or to have your whatever
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: you want, and.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Specifically what song must we definitely make sure plays. Beyonce
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: is clearly going to have her royalty spike when it's
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: our time to go down, when we go Jesuits changed
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: into the good Night Oh one one eight thirty eight
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: nine four seven. What are the requirements you have of
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: your family and friends on the day we say ashes
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: to ashes, dust to dust?
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Do you have a Spotify playlist?
• 5:13
  Speaker 7: Standing by frank you you're assuming and you're going before.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: What's the plan here?
• 5:18
  Speaker 7: I saw them at home that I've in short myself enough.
• 5:21
  Speaker 7: I've covered myself enough. So I want a funnel.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: That is out of this world.
• 5:28
  Speaker 7: I want people to be speaking about it like two
• 5:32
  Speaker 7: years after my no.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I always fantasize my funeral, you know, high heels, Champagne, cavia,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: you know, as if it's a high end defense.
• 5:41
  Speaker 7: I would basically want them not to slaughter a cow
• 5:45
  Speaker 7: or provide any meat.
• 5:46
  Speaker 8: You guys are going to have little tea sandwiches like
• 5:50
  Speaker 8: it's Hei Ti.
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: That's it, Hei Ti.
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: You see the nand of the high heels are you
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: in the hills there.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: He wants us to throw the turbanly for his funeral.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: He wants to nd ben Polo Darling.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: Good, hope it doesn't rain here because the cemetery is
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: a disaster and he wants.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: It to be at Inanda Polo Clubs, Cathy, Orange Chips. Benjamin,
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: you're in the VA.
• 6:13
  Speaker 9: Good morning, Good morning, and Elia and the club. How
• 6:16
  Speaker 9: are you guys doing.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: We're good, Benjamin. I'm a little shocked by most of you,
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: but we good. Nonetheless.
• 6:22
  Speaker 9: Yeah, Well, my my textament is quite clear. It says today,
• 6:28
  Speaker 9: when I die, I need to be cremated. The cremation
• 6:32
  Speaker 9: needs to be remixed with the paint.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: It needs to.
• 6:35
  Speaker 9: Be painted on the house so I can keep my
• 6:37
  Speaker 9: head on my boyfriend.
• 6:38
  Speaker 6: So yes, yes, Benjamin, and so everybody that's alive is
• 6:45
  Speaker 6: going I feel like he's still here.
• 6:47
  Speaker 9: Okay, So just the idea, that's the idea.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Be Benji, Benji, just so we clear, you would like
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: us to cremate, you take your mix it with paint,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: paint your house so that you can always be around.
• 7:06
  Speaker 9: Always be around. So my eyes just permanently on him.
• 7:09
  Speaker 9: I don't know what's going on.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Benjamin's like, my if I go first, my partner's not
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: having a there's no happiness after me. I will be
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: the last.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and your partner says.
• 7:22
  Speaker 6: What about this, He's got no say.
• 7:26
  Speaker 9: Yes said, we talk about contracts. My testament says clearly
• 7:29
  Speaker 9: if he wants the money to find themselves, it happened.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: Listen, Benjamin, what's the color? Have you thought about a
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: color for.
• 7:37
  Speaker 9: The house, like a gray color? So drives could be gray.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: That kind of matches with ashes?
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Really, but Sot, you're being reasonable because I would have
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: gone for like like turquoise or you know, some kind
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: of some If you're going to force this on him,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: why not go all the way a purple.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: House, Benji, inside and outside of just outside.
• 7:58
  Speaker 9: Outside and inside. You need to charatifically everywhere.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: You want to be in every corner and every now everywhere.
• 8:05
  Speaker 9: I want to be everywhere?
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: And have you spoken to Bullders warehouse? Can I do this?
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: I agree with you?
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my word, you like this? Just it's fielding calls
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: all of today. Ha, it's Margaret. Yeah, can we mix
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: my ashes with the paint. It's a fantastic idea I
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: heard on Anili and the cap Sandra, good morning. Oh
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: we're gonna take Sandra afterwards. We need a breather. The
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: bus is corning.
• 8:36
  Speaker 10: My mom is a cyclist, and she always said that
• 8:39
  Speaker 10: when she passes away, we must have her body embalmed
• 8:43
  Speaker 10: and then put her on her bicycle somewhere in the
• 8:46
  Speaker 10: house so that we can see her every day while
• 8:50
  Speaker 10: she sits there on the bicycle. I want a life
• 8:53
  Speaker 10: artists on my funeral, and people must have run to
• 8:56
  Speaker 10: bear me for the two kilometers a marathon.
• 9:00
  Speaker 8: Bet me.
• 9:00
  Speaker 7: I want KFC stdris to a pup to be served
• 9:04
  Speaker 7: at my wedding, I mean, my funeral.
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: You better throw a body on the dayclic.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: You say, you guys, look at that because for some
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: odd reason, and I'm gonna speak on behalf of black
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: people here, we think that when people pass away now
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: we must slaughter five sheep and a cow. And this
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: lady just wants KFC. Hey, so no, really, Why why
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: can't I have my favorite? Why does it have to
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: be funeral food? Samp, pub stew, butternut spinach put it?
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Why Why can't I have what I want? Like ribs?
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: She was clear the wedding and funeral she had.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Streetwise too, with bub mesh and gravy. Sandra, your mother
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: from day, good morning.
• 9:50
  Speaker 9: Good morning, morning people morning.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: What do you want, Sandra?
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: It's not listening to the other people.
• 9:58
  Speaker 9: I'm starting to think.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: She's not too unreasonable. You know, she wants funeral.
• 10:05
  Speaker 10: She wants to put her in.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: A boat, you know, one of those little skip type
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: of things, and push her off the cake point. And
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: then the sun must do the whole burning arrow and
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: the archery and let her burn.
• 10:19
  Speaker 9: And wash her cloaks away into the sea.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: Oh she doesn't.
• 10:23
  Speaker 9: She obviously hasn't thought about the winds at the take point.
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: And you know, stuff like that has given us a
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: lot of thought.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Okay, and Lord Ragatha is it Ragathera from the Vikings?
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Must we invite him to come and do a eulogy
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: or something?
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no, you must just put the coins
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: on her eye and her family.
• 10:42
  Speaker 6: And so she's given us a lot of thought.
• 10:44
  Speaker 10: Look we are I'm quite sure it's illegal in South Africa.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: So I don't know how we're ever going to do it.
• 10:49
  Speaker 9: She says, that's our problem because she's dead, and you know,
• 10:53
  Speaker 9: but she.
• 10:54
  Speaker 7: She reckons it.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: We really worship on her to try and see she says,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: she's gonna want us if we don't do this.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: So obviously, because Cape Point is a nature reserve, you'll
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: have to apply for certain permits. But Artis, I'm telling
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: you now.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: If you Napcham go away.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Do you think you work for Oh my god, I
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: think aren't there people who are growing and canoeing there
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: by Cape Point? Yes, there's no ways. People must be
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: swimming training for the iron men and then passing your
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: sister like burning going the other directions. Sandra, I'm sorry.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Please tell your sister to reconsider.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Sandra, Please tell her I'm with her. I have a
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: good connection in the Western Cape. Government will get the
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: permit sorted.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Thekay, this is coming from someone who wants he's you said,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: as this government goes down, So just be careful. Kanye,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: you in Albertson, Good morning.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Good morning team, how are you guys.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: I'm a lot is happening here, Kanya, A lot is happening,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: and it's on my birthday. You guys are putting you
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: to the most. I cannot believe it. Okay, I can
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: get talk to you. Guys.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: Have been in there first people, the longest arrangements of funerals.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: You know my funeral, You know those all glee More hashes,
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: the skilled ones to Catchen, Yes, I want that one.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: I wanted Dome having Chapel funeral. As soon as you're
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: done with the seven, take my coffin, go and poke
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: holes or drill holes. Put me in a boat somewhere
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: in the middle of the ocean as you are dropping
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: me off strengths and astroma staters. I did it my way,
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: not anyway, my way.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: Away, I do. I do appreciate that you've thought through
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: the logistics on the Scania, because we'll have to control
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: a whole. Otherwise you'll just be floating back back on
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: the durban beach day.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: You know I've been through the love has been through enough.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: You know need this and can I tell you when
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: I can. What I'm learning this morning is this is
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: the I'm never drinking seawater again. I am literally taping
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: my mouth shut any time I'm blessed with an opportunity
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: to be in the ocean, I am taping my mouth
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: shut because I don't want your toes and my mouth
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: laypy Birthday to us, Annelie.
• 13:20
  Speaker 7: For my funeral, my favorite color is blue, so I
• 13:24
  Speaker 7: want everyone to wear navy blue.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: That's my only request.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: While I'm alive.
• 13:30
  Speaker 10: I am keeping a haunt and terror terrorized list because
• 13:35
  Speaker 10: my funeral.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I would like to have that red out loud.
• 13:38
  Speaker 8: I'm a super sample girl. I would if you can
• 13:42
  Speaker 8: bury me today, bury me today. I don't care who comes,
• 13:45
  Speaker 8: what doesn't come. Use a tomato box if you must.
• 13:48
  Speaker 8: I'd like a pine pine box with rope handles, doesn't
• 13:52
  Speaker 8: bother me. Zero food afterwards, no after tears.
• 13:55
  Speaker 6: My mom has asked to be cremated, and before her
• 13:59
  Speaker 6: cremation and shares asked us to secretly stuff her pockets
• 14:03
  Speaker 6: with popcorn kernels.
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: But I see that the lady there that was talking
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: about the pine box.
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: Nothing, no one, no.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: One, No one must party, no one must, no one
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: must do anything. Okay, lady got you.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: No snacks afterwards, nothing going to be cheap.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: No little pies should.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: Cheap in after life as well. Stop at the restaurant,
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: lady you okay.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: So to wrap this conversation up now, all of these
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: requests that you guys have had, can I just ask
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: what's stopping you from doing it now whilst you're still alive.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Well, it's very difficult to be on a burning boat.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Floating out onto the ocean while you're still alive.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Then just go on the boat now whilst you're still alive,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: and then then we really in and you carry on
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: with your life because you're not going to be there
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: to enjoy any of this. The lady who wants everyone
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: to wear blue invite people to a party now and
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: ask them to wear blue.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Can I quickly run through my my just my highlights
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: from this morning suggestions the I I did enjoy the
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: idea of this Viking boat floating into the ocean like
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: it's a movie, right, I think that's very good. But
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: I think really we can if you've just tuned and
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: you missed the call earlier, we'll put it up on
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Instagram socials for you. The guy who wants his ashes
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: mixed with the paint to paint to paint his house.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, the one time some guy said he'd like
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: his ashes scattered at a Spur because it was his
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: favorite restaurant, and I was like, I don't think Spur's
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: going to allow them all the health standards, But I
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: thought that guy took the cake.
• 15:37
  Speaker 9: No.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: The guy who wants his ashes mixed into paint and
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: then painting his house my friend. You are you are
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: the winner, because also can you ever sell that house again?
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: This is Peter Blue.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Start to making your morning on nine four seven