Latest / Why I Believe / Karen Robinson: Trusting God Through It All

Transcript

Karen Robinson: Trusting God Through It All · Why I Believe

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome back to Why I Believe.
• 0:03
  I'm your host, Michelle Von Ruden.
• 0:05
  And today joining me is Karen Robinson.
• 0:08
  Karen, how are you doing today?
• 0:10
  I am great, Michelle, how are you today?
• 0:12
  I am doing well, thank you so much for asking.
• 0:16
  Can you just give us a brief introduction into who you are what you do?
• 0:21
  Absolutely.
• 0:22
  I am Karen Robinson.
• 0:24
  I am a complex trauma survivor, but now I'm also an expert in the field of trauma healing.
• 0:32
  I am happily married with three amazing children and I love reading as well as travel.
• 0:41
  I love that.
• 0:43
  Awesome.
• 0:43
  So complex trauma survivor.
• 0:46
  That started when you were a baby.
• 0:50
  Probably in utero, actually, yeah.
• 0:53
  yeah.
• 0:54
  I know you told me that you had, when you were a baby, you got your last rites and then you survived.
• 0:59
  Tell us about that.
• 1:01
  Yeah, at one point, I think I was a toddler.
• 1:05
  I'm not even sure how old I was between one and two maybe.
• 1:10
  My kidneys were failing.
• 1:13
  I was so sick they couldn't find the cause of what was happening.
• 1:19
  And as I was dying, my grandmother, I had two grandmas growing up like most of us, but both of them were pretty religious or spiritual.
• 1:29
  One was a Bible thumper, called her, Pentecostal grandma.
• 1:34
  And the other grandma was Roman Catholic.
• 1:37
  And so my Roman Catholic grandmother, she called in a priest and requested last rites.
• 1:44
  The priest came in and, because I was not baptized as a baby like most Catholics were, so my grandmother was really concerned about what would happen to me if I were to pass.
• 1:54
  And so the priest did the last rites and then I got better, like right afterwards.
• 2:01
  So.
• 2:02
  So that's a pretty cool story about my beginnings of uh spiritual healing.
• 2:07
  I've actually been baptized more than twice.
• 2:14
  Yeah, so there was no, that priest didn't record their last rites or baptism.
• 2:21
  And so older, as an older uh teenager, when I ran away from home, uh I also was baptized again.
• 2:32
  So yeah, long stories, but everybody wanted to baptize me.
• 2:38
  then my Pentecostal grandmother, of course, wanted to baptize me as well.
• 2:41
  So there you go.
• 2:43
  Okay, wow, yeah, so I am surprised.
• 2:48
  So when you had your last rites, did you say they did baptize you and didn't record it or they didn't baptize you at all?
• 2:54
  no, part of the last rites is being anointed and is considered like a baptism for people who aren't baptized yet and are dying in the Catholic faith.
• 3:03
  And so basically he didn't have my parents' permission to do that and he's passed.
• 3:10
  Like he died shortly after and there was no record in the church of it happening.
• 3:17
  So that's why I had to get baptized again before I could get my other sacraments in the faith.
• 3:23
  Yeah, I was curious about that because I had an emergency baptism because I was also dying and but they didn't we weren't Catholic at the time so they didn't do the last rites they
• 3:33
  just did the emergency baptism and again better so
• 3:38
  Well, I don't know.
• 3:40
  I think they're one and the same if you're dying.
• 3:43
  Yeah, well I wasn't Catholic at the time so they wouldn't, yeah.
• 3:47
  yeah.
• 3:48
  So, well good, so I'm so happy you're still with us.
• 3:51
  uh You got through the baptism a couple times, you said you ran away and that um you've walked through a lot of things, right, and that you believe in miracles.
• 4:02
  What miracles have transpired in your life that you've gone through?
• 4:06
  Why do you believe?
• 4:08
  Yeah, well, the last rites is like the beginning of that.
• 4:12
  And then I remember at four years old, being home alone.
• 4:17
  I don't know where my parents were.
• 4:18
  And that often happened.
• 4:21
  I remember God saying my name.
• 4:24
  And I was like, I looked all through the house and there was nobody there, right?
• 4:30
  So I remember that and I don't necessarily think that is a miracle, but it just strengthened my faith and it's something, you know, I feel nudges and stuff all the time
• 4:39
  from God.
• 4:41
  And then I had a suicide, well, yeah, I had a suicide attempt and Tylenol in most cases is pretty lethal.
• 4:50
  Most people, if you overdose on Tylenol, you're not gonna survive it.
• 4:55
  And so I survived it, you know, and of course it could have been, you know, no name, it was a no name brand, right?
• 5:02
  It could have been like, it just wasn't as lethal or I like to, I choose to believe it was God that got me through that really tough time of my life.
• 5:12
  Yeah.
• 5:14
  So what led you up to that point to where you felt that was your only answer and then ah how was your faith when you were walking through that before you were saved?
• 5:24
  Yeah, so my parents, neither of them were religious, so was my grandmothers were, and they would take me to church, and I prayed from an early age.
• 5:35
  And so I still had God, but I was also miserable with my life.
• 5:42
  I was miserable as a kid.
• 5:44
  We had food insecurity.
• 5:46
  There was a lot of neglect.
• 5:47
  There was physical violence, sexual, emotional.
• 5:51
  um
• 5:54
  The emotional was the most significant, so it made me just absolutely miserable as a child.
• 5:59
  And so I was like, God, you know, I'm just I just can't do this anymore.
• 6:03
  Right.
• 6:04
  And so I was really upset with God when he didn't allow me to die.
• 6:10
  But then I got thinking, well, maybe there's a reason, you know, because people do die when they attempt suicide.
• 6:17
  Well, maybe there's a reason why I didn't die.
• 6:19
  And so I never attempted again.
• 6:22
  You know, my circumstances did not
• 6:23
  get better in those moments.
• 6:27
  But I didn't attempt again.
• 6:29
  And I chose to think that maybe there was just something I didn't know yet for a reason why I was supposed to live.
• 6:38
  And then shortly after that, I don't have a concept of time.
• 6:42
  It might have been a year, a year and a half, I ended up running away from home.
• 6:47
  And then that's when I really leaned on my faith.
• 6:51
  I attended church more frequently with one of my friends who was Catholic and then I ended up getting all my sacraments.
• 7:01
  And I was Catholic for a long time.
• 7:04
  My first husband was Methodist.
• 7:06
  He tried to get me to go to his church for a while.
• 7:08
  We took turns going to each other's churches, but that marriage didn't work out.
• 7:13
  We did get married in the Catholic faith.
• 7:16
  And so over time, I had some...
• 7:21
  You know, what's the word?
• 7:23
  I wasn't quite feeling the Catholic Church was the best fit for me.
• 7:27
  Although there's a lot of things I do respect about the Catholic faith, but it just didn't feel like the best fit for me.
• 7:33
  So now I attend, you know, the past since 2012.
• 7:37
  Can't do the math right now.
• 7:39
  I've been attending a non-denominational church, which feels like such a better fit for me in my belief system.
• 7:47
  Yeah.
• 7:48
  Yeah.
• 7:50
  So you went through a lot, did you say that you left the house at 15?
• 7:54
  Is that when you ran away and left?
• 7:57
  So from 0 to 15 was quite traumatic.
• 8:03
  Yeah, and I would like to say that trauma stopped then, but at 17 I ended up with a boyfriend who ended up stalking me and almost killed me as well.
• 8:16
  He came racing towards me in his car and he swerved at the last minute.
• 8:23
  So I guess you could say maybe he didn't intend to kill me.
• 8:26
  He intended to scare me and traumatize me and he did succeed at that, right?
• 8:32
  So that happened at 17.
• 8:36
  And then I went on and had unhealthy relationships and marriages where there was like control, power control or emotional abuse issues.
• 8:45
  I wasn't hit.
• 8:47
  But one husband did threaten to kill me as well.
• 8:52
  Not kill me, I'm sorry.
• 8:53
  He threatened to beat me up basically.
• 8:56
  Yeah.
• 8:57
  Yeah.
• 8:58
  But now I'm in a healthy marriage.
• 9:01
  I've been married since 2012 and things are great now.
• 9:06
  It took me a minute.
• 9:07
  a turnaround.
• 9:07
  Yeah, I mean you're quite the resilient woman.
• 9:10
  At what point did you realize that you had been saved time and again for a purpose?
• 9:17
  Like there's a reason why you're still here.
• 9:20
  I guess all of those times, honestly.
• 9:22
  um It wasn't long after the suicide attempt too, I kind of knew that I would be in helping profession.
• 9:32
  Even as a kid, I would be the kid on the playground that would try to break up fights and try to get people to get along.
• 9:37
  I was always a little therapist, social worker way back in the day before I got my degrees and stuff.
• 9:46
  And so now you help women, children, men that are going through what you've been through or how does that work?
• 9:52
  Yeah, and also too, like in high school I was in part of this group.
• 9:56
  It was like peer educators and we started a suicide hotline.
• 10:00
  So was helping other students with their suicidal thoughts.
• 10:05
  15, 16 years old.
• 10:07
  It was kind of crazy, like the liabilities are on that now.
• 10:11
  yeah, from, know, then I went to get my bachelor's and then my master's in social work.
• 10:15
  And yes, I've worked with all populations at this point, all age ranges, all ethnicities, all religious backgrounds, all faith.
• 10:25
  And most of my career has been, I've done like school social work, but most of my career has been with the military, the Department of Defense.
• 10:32
  So I've worked with a lot of veterans and service personnel with PTSD, either it's from war related or childhood or military sexual assaults or a combination of all of those
• 10:46
  things.
• 10:46
  Yeah.
• 10:47
  Also too, I've had clients who were in the tsunami.
• 10:51
  I used to work in Japan with the military and I had clients that survived the tsunami and earthquakes that were pretty traumatized from that.
• 10:59
  So once you're an expert in the trauma healing field, you can work with people from any type of trauma because the symptoms tend to be pretty similar.
• 11:11
  Yeah.
• 11:14
  Well, it's great that you were able to turn your trauma and tragedy into your life's work to go and help people that have been in the same situations, same ah or similar
• 11:25
  situations, right?
• 11:26
  Cause they're not always gonna be the same.
• 11:28
  How does your faith play into that?
• 11:30
  Like when you're working with your clients, is that something you talk about?
• 11:33
  Is that something you stress that your faith has kind of kept you grounded through all of this?
• 11:37
  Or how does that play into it?
• 11:40
  Yeah, so I don't push my faith beliefs on any clients.
• 11:44
  It's one of our code of ethics is to respect the dignity of all people, regardless of what faith background they have.
• 11:53
  But when I know that my client is Christian and if they want me to share my experiences.
• 12:00
  um
• 12:01
  And I've also done work as a Christian counselor outside of churches as well, or inside of churches as well, as being on the staff.
• 12:10
  it just depends on the client and their comfort level, right?
• 12:14
  Because I want them to feel like their therapy session is a safe place.
• 12:19
  So when they are Christian, I can adapt my therapy to that that includes their faith.
• 12:30
  Absolutely, well that's good, yeah.
• 12:31
  And I think that's always a fine line that um business people block is when do we include it, when do we not include it?
• 12:38
  Because it's not something you just leave on the back burner, right?
• 12:40
  It's always a part of you and when do you express it?
• 12:44
  Yeah.
• 12:44
  And I've had clients, even when I was a young social worker, they would say to me, know, in your room with you and your therapy, I feel God.
• 12:54
  And I was like, okay, that's a huge compliment.
• 12:59
  And I can't tell you how many times I felt God in session just like watching, over watching the work and guiding the work that we're doing.
• 13:09
  I'm sure one of the big things that you talk about is forgiveness within this.
• 13:15
  How does, is it?
• 13:17
  No, maybe I'm wrong.
• 13:19
  I think forgiveness is very tricky.
• 13:23
  I have a lot of strong opinions about forgiveness, about clergy and about therapists pushing clients to state that they're gonna forgive an abuser too early, right?
• 13:40
  And so I do think forgiveness has a place, of course, obviously in religion, and it can have a place in therapy.
• 13:48
  I just feel strongly that clients need that space to really work on doing it when it's right for them.
• 13:56
  When they feel pressured to do it, I don't think it's authentic.
• 14:01
  I don't think it's healthy, and I don't think it's going to help them with their healing.
• 14:06
  You know, they feel like almost guilty for having
• 14:10
  Thanks
• 14:11
  mixed emotions and anger, know, and resentment towards their abuser.
• 14:16
  I think it's healthy to have resentment, anger, and even hatred towards your abuser.
• 14:21
  You've got to sit in that for a bit and work through those strong emotions and not feel judged.
• 14:28
  And then perhaps you'll be at a position where with God's help that you are able to forgive.
• 14:35
  But I do feel strongly that people should not be pushed too hard into that.
• 14:40
  absolutely, yeah I wasn't insinuating that because we have to go through the stages of grief and trauma because you can't just skip them, right?
• 14:49
  You have to...
• 14:50
  people try and sometimes they feel like their therapist either pushes them too hard or they're clergy.
• 14:56
  You know, they feel like bad Christians if they don't immediately forget, you know.
• 15:02
  Yeah, no, I think that I'm with you on this.
• 15:05
  There's time and a place and you know, from the speaker side of things, like we even talk about that when we're talking about the things that we've been through on a stage, you
• 15:14
  have to have worked through this before you just come on stage and talk about it.
• 15:18
  You can't just bring it out on stage and use the room as your therapy session, right?
• 15:22
  And so there is definitely a time and a place and you have to walk those stages.
• 15:26
  You have to go through them and your pace.
• 15:29
  and not anyone else's if you really want the true transformation that the therapy can give, right?
• 15:35
  Yeah, and we all know too, once we're able to forgive, especially starting to forgive ourselves for whatever, because a lot of survivors take on too much responsibility for
• 15:48
  whatever role they have in the trauma, even if it's a small role.
• 15:52
  And so usually forgiveness starts with self-forgiveness, right?
• 15:56
  And, know, teaching clients that the person that you're healing and helping the most with forgiveness is yourself, right?
• 16:07
  sure and I think that's when you forgive you don't necessarily have to forget right it's just we're forgiving it so we can move forward with our lives in the way that's best for
• 16:16
  us yeah so you've really relied on your faith through getting you through all the trauma through working with clients and now you're going to be going out of pilgrimage in
• 16:27
  September
• 16:29
  I forgot I told you that.
• 16:30
  Yeah.
• 16:30
  Yeah, so tell me about that.
• 16:32
  What does that look like?
• 16:34
  What are you excited for?
• 16:36
  yeah, I'm very, very excited.
• 16:38
  I've been wanting to go for the past three years and the original pilgrimage was going to be through Israel.
• 16:46
  And I have a client who's a diplomat ah who was there and they encouraged me to reconsider.
• 16:54
  Even though things are getting better, there's still a lot going on and you know behind the scenes and it's not the safest of places Now I have clients who are Israeli who feel
• 17:07
  differently, right?
• 17:08
  But I had to make a decision based on me and I don't like to live my life in fear But when I do travel I want to make good decisions because I do have three children So I'm pivoting
• 17:19
  Israel is still a place I really want to go to and it's on my bar
• 17:24
  list for the future.
• 17:25
  So now the pilgrimage is through Portugal, Spain, and France.
• 17:31
  So I don't know a whole lot of what to expect.
• 17:34
  I do know we're visiting a lot of holy sites, a lot of beautiful cathedrals, and I am really really excited about going.
• 17:44
  And are you doing this through your church then?
• 17:47
  It's a Christian company, but it's not through my church now.
• 17:50
  okay.
• 17:52
  And you've already gone to some of these great amazing cathedrals, like you've been to Notre Dame.
• 17:57
  And where else have you gone?
• 18:01
  What draws you to taking a pilgrimage and going to see these beautiful cathedrals?
• 18:06
  What is the draw for you?
• 18:09
  Well, my grandmother, my Roman Catholic grandmother, she was French Canadian and...
• 18:16
  She was born in this place near Quebec called Saint Anne.
• 18:21
  And Saint Anne de Beaupre is a church very well known for miracles and healing.
• 18:28
  And I've been to it a couple times.
• 18:30
  I'm just enthralled with it.
• 18:33
  And I have traveled all over the world.
• 18:36
  I worked in Asia for five years.
• 18:39
  And so I have gone to many a temple, a cathedral.
• 18:44
  uh
• 18:45
  synagogues, like I just really am in all the world's different religions and spirituality in general.
• 18:52
  I don't know, I just feel like a kindred spiritual connection with all the people in those places.
• 19:00
  just, I think it's, they're just so sacred, right?
• 19:04
  Yeah, I don't know what else to say about that other than I just feel.
• 19:13
  peace and joy and serenity when visiting.
• 19:16
  It's a lovely feeling.
• 19:19
  Yeah, no, I agree with that.
• 19:21
  I've started visiting different places too and it's so amazing what happens when you step outside of your home church and visit other places.
• 19:31
  What is one thing that you hope that the listeners take away from today and what kind of lessons did you instill in your children after dealing with everything that you have
• 19:42
  through your life?
• 19:45
  Okay, so I, because of the complex trauma, have memory issues.
• 19:49
  So when people ask me two questions, I'm gonna forget one of them.
• 19:52
  so sorry.
• 19:53
  fair enough.
• 19:54
  So let's start with the first question, which should have been the first question.
• 19:56
  ah How did you, with everything that you've been through, how did you instill certain messages within your children while raising them and protect them at the same time?
• 20:09
  Yeah.
• 20:11
  Such a good question because out of the three, I have one child who is struggling with her beliefs.
• 20:18
  And she's the one that I took to church the most ah in her childhood, right?
• 20:23
  I was a single mom at the time.
• 20:25
  And she struggles with her beliefs and I try to support her with her questioning and her journey of that.
• 20:33
  But she gets to witness me and my work.
• 20:35
  She gets to witness like her brother and sister who are younger than her have much stronger uh beliefs, which is really fascinating.
• 20:44
  So she witnesses that.
• 20:47
  em The two youngest, you know, they sometimes I feel like they're even more religious than I am.
• 20:55
  Like they remember.
• 20:57
  They are.
• 20:57
  It sounds so crazy to say to me, right?
• 21:00
  But they do Bible study daily.
• 21:03
  They they say grace before they eat.
• 21:06
  If somebody in the household curses that they get right on you, like that's not OK.
• 21:10
  You know, don't say that like.
• 21:14
  It's really interesting what God's doing in my household, Even my husband, he's a gentle giant.
• 21:23
  We really like our non-denominational church because it's...
• 21:28
  It's just very good for people who've been through a lot of church hurts or trauma or drama.
• 21:34
  The motto of our church is it's a church for people who don't go to church.
• 21:38
  We accept any and all people to come.
• 21:41
  It just feels safe.
• 21:45
  One of the things that we love is the offering plate doesn't go around a million times.
• 21:49
  We talk to our children too about that.
• 21:52
  When you pick a church, be discerning on how your money is being used, because you want your money to be used in
• 21:58
  you know, you of course you want to support the building of the church and the bills of the church, but you don't want to have your money buying McMansions for eight pastors,
• 22:08
  right?
• 22:08
  Like you want it to go to good works or to help people, you know, to be charitable, right?
• 22:13
  So we do talk about that.
• 22:15
  uh And I think we live a lot around the golden rule, you know, or like, or like Christ, like you treat people like you deserve to be treated.
• 22:25
  So that's something in all three of my kids.
• 22:28
  um, our very service oriented volunteer work.
• 22:33
  Both of the girls were in Girl Scouts and did a lot of service community projects.
• 22:38
  So, well, I think the other thing to say to that is like my children, I feel are really good people.
• 22:46
  And it's so nice to be able to say that about your child, you know, like, you know, they don't steal.
• 22:52
  Do they lie once in a while?
• 22:55
  I'd be lying if I said they never lied, but it's
• 22:58
  There's nothing crazy, right?
• 23:01
  They're really good kids.
• 23:03
  They're very caring people.
• 23:05
  They like to help people.
• 23:07
  So I'm incredibly proud of that.
• 23:09
  Yeah, do you still have teenagers or are they out of the house?
• 23:14
  All my kids are currently in the house.
• 23:16
  My 23 year old em is taking the long path around college.
• 23:22
  She just moved back in from college and she's got a little bit of time left on her degree.
• 23:27
  Then my second daughter is 16.
• 23:29
  She's a junior in high school.
• 23:32
  And then my son is He's in middle school.
• 23:35
  So we get kind of a range there.
• 23:37
  Yeah, that's good though.
• 23:39
  They can help each other.
• 23:40
  They have their own little community within a community, right?
• 23:42
  really do.
• 23:45
  So good.
• 23:46
  So uh if there's somebody listening today that's going through some of the stuff that you've been through, some of the stuff you help people with, what is your advice to them,
• 23:56
  not only around church, but in their life in general?
• 23:59
  Like what can they do to better their position?
• 24:03
  Yeah, I think baby steps in the different pillars of holistic healing.
• 24:10
  And so because your podcast is faith based, I think it makes sense to talk about that pillar.
• 24:17
  Our spirituality is hugely important.
• 24:21
  And I did a, I hosted or co-hosted a summit at my church recently for people that had religious or religious trauma or church hurt.
• 24:32
  And our keynote, he said something very profound.
• 24:35
  He said that all trauma is spiritual trauma, is spiritual hurt.
• 24:41
  It hurts our soul.
• 24:42
  And I really resonated with that.
• 24:46
  And so when we look at healing,
• 24:49
  and looking at her spiritual because people that get hurt they either this is all or nothing and how I'm saying this but a lot of times they turn away from God completely or
• 25:01
  they're all in right
• 25:03
  And so for people that have turned away or questioning, I encourage you to just take baby steps.
• 25:10
  Is there a devotional that you could look at that might resonate with you?
• 25:15
  Is there a prayer that you could try saying?
• 25:18
  And if you're not quite there, maybe you could spend time in nature.
• 25:24
  I believe that God created the beauty of nature and being in nature is very healing.
• 25:29
  And so maybe just being in nature, going for meditation.
• 25:33
  of walks, being outside, being grounded.
• 25:37
  So for me, my spiritual pillar, I work on prayer, devotions, Bible study, going to church, and also doing good works.
• 25:48
  Those things are important.
• 25:51
  And then trying to live imperfectly perfect.
• 25:58
  Trying to make a decision.
• 26:00
  Yeah, trying to make decisions on my faith walk and I mean I can talk all day about all the mistakes I've made and it's not about that.
• 26:07
  Like God knows we are not perfect and that we need his guidance.
• 26:12
  So it's just simply leaning on him to let him guide you.
• 26:17
  So that's what I would recommend is next steps for people that are kind of struggling.
• 26:21
  Thank you, Karen.
• 26:23
  And before I let you go today, again, thanks for coming on the podcast.
• 26:26
  What is your favorite Bible verse that you're living through, walking through this year?
• 26:33
  Yeah, I don't know if this one is my all time favorite.
• 26:37
  It's just one that I'm recently using because I'm in a Bible study that's about our thought life and making our thought life more godly because a lot of us have what's called
• 26:49
  stinkin thinking.
• 26:50
  We get stuck in these negativity traps.
• 26:53
  So this verse is from Second Corinthians 10 five and it's very short.
• 26:59
  We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
• 27:05
  And I think that's step one on working on changing your thoughts.
• 27:10
  love that.
• 27:12
  Well, Karen, thank you again so much for being here today.
• 27:14
  I've enjoyed our time together.
• 27:15
  Thank you for being open and vulnerable and sharing your story.
• 27:20
  Thank you so much, Michelle, for hosting me today.