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STSE# 80: Mindset Matters · Sometimes There's Side Eye

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Welcome to Sometimes There's Side Eye, a podcast about two
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friends having real and unfiltered conversations about
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dogs and people listen as we talk about our lives with dogs,
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training, behavior, share some laughs and a whole lot of
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banter. I'm Heather.
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And I'm Christy, what are we talking about this week,
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Heather? This week we are going to talk
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about a positive mindset. Mindset matters, we're calling
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it. I mean, I feel like this one's
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your fault. It is a little bit.
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Why do you feel that one? Because I'm feeling feelings.
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Please define that. I am feeling very positive
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attached feelings to a certain little eye patched white dog.
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OK, so that's not a bad thing. I also don't see how that's my
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fault, no. OK.
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And also I had feelings and attachment, but it has just
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changed. But 2026 has been a very good
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year for Trin and Heather's relationship.
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Yeah, I would agree. Yeah.
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So I'm having feelings and I attribute some of those feelings
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to my mindset about her. OK.
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Like in what ways? You're being very vague.
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I don't know what's happening. Oh God, OK.
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I feel like for well, obviously everyone knows we struggled like
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we have struggled struggle bus big time and there's a lot of
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reasons for that. Some related to trend and some
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just life things. And I feel like some of the life
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things have gotten a lot better for me.
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For example, I change jobs and that has been significant and
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granted that happened last January, but last year was the
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first year of that job and I'm settled in.
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I also feel like she has grown up and I have learned things
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about her somehow. Me making the realization that I
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spent the first like year and a half just keeping her alive and
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that is why we are behind on all the things in my mind that are
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metrics for where I expect to be with a 2 1/2 year old dog took
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so much pressure off me. It was like I just thought to
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myself, oh, you haven't been failing for the last 2 1/2
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years. You just had a very different
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dog and you had to focus on very different things.
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And the reason that you are not at XYZ with Trin at 2 1/2, it is
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not a reflection on anything except that that was like a
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really big deal. And that was something I don't
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even I like said that out loud to someone.
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Oh, is it somewhere class? I was making a joke about it and
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then I was like, wait, like, no, really?
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That's really true. You really felt like you were
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failing with her. Yeah.
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Oh, that's a lot of pressure. I mean, yeah.
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I never felt like you were failing with her.
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I felt. I never.
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Felt that OK. I just maybe.
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Feeling but not good enough. Not good enough.
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I never even felt that with. I knew you were further behind
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than you wanted to be with her, but I never felt like you were
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failing her or not doing right by her, or not doing right by
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yourself or or anything even in that vein.
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Well clearly that was self induced pressure.
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Yeah. But nonetheless having that
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realization. We have very sarcastic friends
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who will say things like, Oh yeah, you're totally failing.
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Oh well, but I would look at that.
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Oh yeah, that's funny. No.
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So I feel like there was already a shift happening.
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I feel like the winter is when things really started to change.
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I, I don't know, I just settled in and was like, you know how to
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do this. It is just very different.
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And different isn't bad. Different is just different.
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And this dog is in many ways what you asked for, some things
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I didn't ask for, but in many ways what you asked for.
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And so she is a smart dog in a different way.
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She is probably the smartest dog I've ever owned.
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Yes, I know Christy's making. A face.
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I'm definitely giving you a look because she, she comes to my
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house and stares at the at the washing machine to let her out.
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And I'm like, that's not the doggy door.
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That's the washing. Machine.
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It doesn't mean she doesn't have dumb moments.
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OK, two things can be true at the same time Christy.
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For example, tonight I'm sitting on the couch.
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My husband is to the left. He is eating protein ice cream.
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Trin is sitting very politely watching him, and out of the
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corner of my eye I see her paw him.
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Just a simple tap on the arm like a cat.
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And I, I just like, catch it. And a second later, and my
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husband gives her some protein ice cream, and I go, did she
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just tap you to tell you she would like some ice cream?
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And he looked at me like I was a moron and said, yeah.
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And I was like, did she train you to tell you?
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Like what, when she wants ice cream?
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He was like, yeah, like it was a normal she.
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She's a good communicator. She is a.
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You are correct though, she is a very clear communicator and I
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feel like since I took the pressure off I have been able to
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look at her and recognize the things that are really amazing
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in her. And it's like it took a look,
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took blinders off in a way and and like allow me to appreciate
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the things that were stressing me out before, 'cause I like see
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them in a different way. Yeah.
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You don't have tunnel vision no anymore.
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You can see you don't just you're not just focused on
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what's lacking. Yeah, you can see all the like
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beauty around. Yes, yes, totally.
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And it would it's a very significant mindset shift.
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And I feel very strongly that that is a huge reason why we
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have advanced so much in Burn Hunt.
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Because I am trying very hard to figure out how do I make this
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game more for her? Because I don't actually think
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it's her favorite game. I think that scent work is,
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well, let's be real fast. Cat's her favorite game.
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But yeah, but I think she enjoys scent work more.
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And so one I'm trying to figure out how do I make Barn Hunt more
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exciting for her, but also clearer because she she wants
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clarity and she is, she is that level, you know?
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And then I also am step up and saying I find scent work
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extremely difficult, very, very difficult.
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And I am jumping in because this is what my dog wants to do And
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this is what my dog is really good at.
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And I have to like say, you know what?
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I'm going to, I'm going to jump in with both feet and I'm going
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to do this thing because her potential is really, really
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huge. And it doesn't mean that we
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can't do all the things, but I'm just recognizing and seeing my
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dog through a different lens. Sure.
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Yeah. And I think even coming to it
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and being honest, like, hey, this is a really difficult sport
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for me. Take some of that pressure off
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too, like just being honest and not being like, Oh, well, this
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is this is an easy sport, so we'll be fine.
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Or you know, but being honest, I think, well, hey, this is really
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tough for me too. And also like figuring.
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It out. Yeah, and not blaming the dog
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like this is truly difficult for me.
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There are so many things to focus on when you are doing
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scent work and so many things to pay attention to at the same
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time. And my brain is 1000 places at
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once. And I have to calm, I have to
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like center and I have to be there with my dog.
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And I've said many times it's probably the sport I need the
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most. And it's true, but I have a lot
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respect for the sport and I have a lot of respect for the people
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who make it look really easy and it's a very humbling sport for
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me. I, you know, agility is not a
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sport. I do.
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I've done it in the past. I choose not to do it.
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I it's just not fun for me. And I think there's a lot that
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goes into it. It's just Christie's like it's
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lame. It's not.
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I want to love it. So.
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Much I know you do. I know it's just not the sport
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for me right now and my dog would probably be really good at
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it. I also think that you can like
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really hurt your dog if you don't do agility in balls to all
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kind of way responsible way. Yep.
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But I was, I think I was shying away from scent work because
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it's hard. And now I'm like, no, I need to
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raise my game to meet my dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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But it's so there's a couple things that you said in there
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that I want to kind of go back to.
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One, it's raising your game, but still in a way that is fun for
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you. Where you're still.
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Enjoying it, unlike agility or other sports yeah, you're still
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enjoying it so so still choosing something that you enjoy even
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though it's hard for you. But then the other thing you
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said was being honest about hey, it's hard for me and not blaming
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the dog. I think I see in sports a lot,
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which I'm surprised about. I'm I'm always surprised when
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people are unkind to their dog in any in any arena because I'm
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like. In the environment, yeah.
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We're so blessed to have these creatures in our life, and it
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just always takes me by surprise, whether it's out on a
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walk or in, in a trial, when people are unkind to their dog.
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But I often see people blame their dog for mistakes.
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And I don't think dogs are just, like, out to get like, ha, ha.
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I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna tell Heather there's a
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rat there. And then she's gonna screw up.
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And then she loses her $35 for this woman.
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That's not what's happening and people make a big deal of it.
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They really let their dog know who is to blame for that
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situation. Yeah.
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And I've had, I mean, I've had very, very rough, rough trials
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with Trenton and gone 0 for 8 or whatever.
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And I have been very low and very down and I, I am grateful
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for this season because I feel excited about training my dog
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again. And that's in whatever.
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Like I literally took a steady stays workshop with her on
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Saturday. I don't know what the fuck I was
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thinking there, but it went funny.
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And I think like I feel excited about dog training again and
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that, that is nice. It is nice.
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I haven't feel that felt that way in a long time.
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I mean, yes, I'm still going to practice and doing all the
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things, but like, it feels different.
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And there's something about that that is all about her.
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And I just clicked, I'm playing with her in a different way.
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I'm excited to be with her in a different way.
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I like everything about our relationship has completely
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shifted and it has been a complete but mind shift, like
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mindset shift, you know? And I'm very glad to be on the
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other side of whatever that was. And I also think something that
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we kind of talked about this weekend before was when you
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start talking positively about your dog, then it opens up to
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see the positive. And then when you see more
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positive, it's easier to continue talking positively.
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And that opens up more positivity.
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And it's kind of this upward spiral of positivity and not
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like in a woo woo way, in a way that it expands your heart
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towards, you know, like you're just able to see it when you
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allow yourself to, you're opening the gate to see that.
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Yes. And you the first year of owning
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trend. In fact, I think we talked about
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it maybe on an episode or something where you said I need
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you to give me like 3 positive things about trend or something
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like that. This has been like 2 1/2 years
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in the making and that might sound fucked up and but that is
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like as real as it gets. That is raw and real and there
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that doesn't mean trend hasn't had a good life for the last 2
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1/2 years, but it our I feel, I feel like there are a lot of
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reasons why that has made a shift.
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And I I think that there is a little piece of that that has to
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do with seeing Tiago aging, trying not.
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Yeah, not to. Tear up.
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He has made had some changes happen in the last few months
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and it's not as bad as what I thought it was potentially going
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to be and he's doing OK. But Thiago has always looked
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like a 2 year old dog to me, even though he was whatever age.
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And all of the sudden Thiago looks 9.
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And so that is very concerning to me and I'm doing everything I
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can to like rewind the clock, but it's not on my side.
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And I think that there is a piece of it because I said from
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the beginning, she has to get me through.
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She has to keep me living. And I think that there is an
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underlying piece of that. That is, girl, you better get
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your shit together and like bond with this dog because you're
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going to need her. And she is stepping right up to
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the task. I will say this dog is like, she
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was like, pick me, pick me, pick me.
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I'll wait as long as you need. Oh, you're going to pick me.
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I'm right here, literally that has been, and I am so grateful
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for her and her patience and her willingness to like, sit waiting
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on deck as long as needed. Yeah, Yeah, absolutely.
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Yeah. And I think one thing that we
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talked about too before was I think the subject came up
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because I revealed to Heather Private that when I got Jackson,
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I made a commitment not to talk poorly about him, not to be
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unrealistic, but to speak positively about him.
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Because with Lucy, I knew she was a lot and I, I felt like I
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needed other people to know I knew she was a lot.
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And so like, I would be like, Oh, she's not that great.
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Oh, she's a lot. Oh, she, you know, throughout
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her life, even though I thought she was a rock star, like, and I
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would say that too, but like a lot of it was, I know she's too
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much. I know she's she falls short in
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all these ways. Like I needed people to know I
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had a realistic view of her and now I don't care.
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I don't care if you think my dog is too much.
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I don't care if you think that he is, you know, I'll behaved or
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whatever. I don't care.
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I just I just want you to know how much I love him and how
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awesome I think he is and I'm impressed with him so much
16:48
everyday. So I but I had, I knew he was a
16:50
lot when I got him, but I said like a lot of everything, like a
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lot of joy, a lot of good, a lot of fun and a lot of little bits
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of naughty. Yeah, all combined to be a lot.
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But I made that commitment that I was just going to speak
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positively about him so that I didn't find myself going down
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this whole of negativity with him.
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Because I at the end of Lucy's life, I was like, I, I wish I
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would have just told people like how amazing she was.
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Instead, I wish like, yeah, you guys knew.
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But I didn't need to tell people that she had shortcomings.
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Like, of course every dog does. You don't have to tell people
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you know their shortcomings, you know?
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Yeah. Do you think that part of that
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was her being a pit bull? That you were like, oh, I know
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what her bad things are, but like, you know.
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Yeah, like feeding. People to the punch.
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Because she was a pit bull, you know?
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Yeah, in some ways, because I never wanted it to be like I, I
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always wanted to be able to say, oh, well, she's good with other
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dogs and she's good with people. So I was like, but I know she's
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not perfect, so she's got all these other flaws.
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But like, there's extra pressure there.
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In these things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And it was definitely a different culture towards
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pitbulls when I got her too. Oh, 100%.
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You know, that's changed a lot. Yeah.
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I mean, there's still a lot of hate for them, but it was so
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much like, I can't imagine people in my life now telling
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me, oh, well, I hope you don't get a Pitbull or like, I if you
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get a Pitbull, I hope you're not having children.
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Yep. That's not the environment I
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think that we're in now until. Yeah.
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So there was a lot on my end trying to buffer that out.
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Yeah, I know she's not. Perfect.
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Yeah, Yeah, she's. She's an OK dog.
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I know she's not perfect, but she won't eat your children,
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right? You know, like that's so messed
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up. I also think that this came up
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because there are some people at practices in Barn Hunt that are
18:58
very, very. Rough.
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Rough, forceful, speak really ill towards their dogs out loud
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and in a very very aggressive manner.
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I was actually practicing with Trin in the big rain, wind night
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and one of the people were in the small ring at the same time
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and it was distracting me from what I was doing with my dog,
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right. And so I, I joke and say things
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about trend, you know, like, ha, she's a bitch, whatever.
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But like we're talking about people who are really, really
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just you, you just want to look at them and say, do you even
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like dogs? Literally do you even like dogs?
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And so we've been talking about that too, and how negative a
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feeling that is even being around it, let alone like living
19:51
in it. And it's very, it's a very, very
19:54
strange space to be in, in my little barn Hunt bubble because
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Barn hunt has never been like a space like that for me.
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And it's just, it's so odd. I just don't.
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I just don't want anyone to ever look at me and think that I feel
20:14
about Tran the way I'm thinking those people feel about their
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dogs. Right.
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That is the last thing that I want.
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It would kill me if someone heard me talking about Trin and
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was like, do you even like her? Like it would crush.
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Me. Yeah, and that's.
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Or not even. I mean, well yes, talking about
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her, but like interacting with her.
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Oh yeah, if they. Saw like if they saw you
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interacting with her, there'd be no question that you love her
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and there is some question when I see these people interacting
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with their. Dogs 100% and I, I think all of
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these things are kind of coming up at the same time.
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And so we're looking at each other being like, well, what is
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different? You know, what has changed, what
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has shifted? And of course, if you're in a
21:04
space where you have real like issues with your dog,
21:09
aggression, you know, family issues, whatever is going on,
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we're not saying like just think positively and it'll all go
21:16
away. That's not realistic.
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But I do think that there's an element and, and a space and
21:23
time where sometimes it's like speaking kindly to yourself,
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speaking kindly into the world about the the living things that
21:32
that are beside you. It does sort of shift things and
21:36
it shifts your world in a more positive way.
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And it's been very interesting. And I don't know, I feel like I
21:46
feel all glowy inside. That's real cool.
21:49
But like, I feel lighter here. Here's the thing.
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It always feels better to be positive.
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Yeah, there are some people at Barnhunt who have who are very
22:00
realistic about where their dogs are behaviorally.
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Yeah, and yet they're not mean to their dogs.
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They 100. Percent.
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I don't see them being saying negative things, but they're
22:13
very clear, like, hey, this dog will eat your dog.
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Hey, this dog, you cannot touch this dog as a human being.
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Like this is not your friend. And yet, there's no doubt in my
22:25
mind that those people love their.
22:27
Dogs 100% and they respect their dogs.
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Yes, because in in a way and being honest about where they're
22:36
at, they're advocating for their dog, obviously, but then they're
22:40
just, there's no, this is what stands out.
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There's not an emotional attachment to that behavior
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issue for them that I see outwardly.
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Like they're not like, oh, you can't touch my dog.
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I know. It's such a.
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Bad. It's just like a statement of
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fact. It's just like, yeah, this is
23:01
just how it is. Like you can't touch my dog, OK.
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And so there's where I would 100% have an emotional, be
23:09
emotional about that statement if it were my dog.
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Yeah, it just makes me wonder too, when someone is at any
23:16
event with their dog and they're in that negative of a headspace
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and they're just living there, you know, why?
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Why do you even have that dog? Why?
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Why are you there? Why are you going through the
23:31
motions? Like you're literally miserable
23:33
doing this? I mean, the one thing I will say
23:36
is that with all the time and trials and tribulations that
23:41
Tren and I have gone through the last 2 1/2 years, there were
23:44
still many moments of joy and many moments of hope.
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Hope for our future, Many moments of me being proud of
23:52
what she's done. Greatness, did you say?
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Kindness. So greatness would have been
23:58
great too. Kindness.
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Yeah. There were many moments that
24:02
were positive, right? I just wasn't living in a
24:05
positive space. Whereas I feel like these people
24:08
are living in a negative space constantly.
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And I'm like, it just feels exhausting.
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So I don't know. And what's interesting is I
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actually even overheard one of them say, this is my favorite
24:21
dog. And I thought, what?
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The way you hated that dog, you're so mean to it.
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Wow. Constantly.
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And I, yeah, it's just not a way I want to live with my dog.
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And I think that kind of aligns with what we've said through
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through the years through the podcast.
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Like we want to live kindly with our dogs.
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We want to have positive relationships.
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But also, and I know things are tough sometimes, and sometimes
24:53
you have a tough dog, too. It's not like I couldn't talk to
24:57
Lucy the same way I talked to Jackson.
25:00
She needed a little more firmness in her life because she
25:03
didn't take you seriously. Yeah.
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She was like, I don't know if you're serious, like, let me
25:08
test you. But I still felt positively for
25:14
her. And.
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And once I got my act together, spoke positively of her too.
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It's you know, it's hard because for me, I sometimes I feel bad
25:26
because I have been as real as I think is reasonable throughout
25:34
my journey with Trin and with her having to live.
25:38
This is going to come out wrong. And I in competition with
25:42
Thiago, like from from day one, I was like, it's not even fair,
25:47
right? And sometimes I think, oh, like
25:49
you're putting this all out there and Lisa, a transbreeder
25:53
could listen to this and be like, what the fuck did I sell
25:57
you a dog for, right? And judge that right, Which
26:01
that's not even who she is or how she is, but it's, it's
26:05
vulnerable to be so honest about, about how this process,
26:11
you know, but at the same time, I want people to feel, not feel
26:17
alone if they're struggling in a relationship with one of their
26:22
dogs and or two. And I, I don't want people to
26:28
judge themselves because I was being so mean to myself and
26:32
putting so much pressure on myself and I was making it a lot
26:37
harder. And granted, sometimes you can't
26:40
see the forest for the trees, but now I'm on the other side of
26:44
it and I'm like, oh gosh, I was building the really.
26:46
I was like going through the motions.
26:49
I was building the relationship, taking her to class, doing the
26:52
things, training, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
26:54
But like, there was that piece missing, right?
26:57
And now the heart is in, and here we are.
27:02
Yeah. So maybe part of this episode is
27:05
about just hope. Yeah, yeah.
27:08
And if you're, I mean, it's obviously it's more difficult
27:12
and I'm glad you hit on this before too, that you had a lot
27:16
of things going on in your life when you got trained that were
27:19
not positive. So, so you were kind of in this
27:22
toxic scoop, so to speak, no fault of your own.
27:26
You weren't making your life toxic, but that that's where you
27:29
were at and you removed yourself from that situation.
27:34
You got a new job that was fantastic, but things didn't
27:38
change immediately. No, but, and I think that's
27:42
another point to like keep in mind, things don't change
27:46
immediately. Feelings don't change
27:47
immediately. It does take some practice.
27:50
So if you say like, oh, I have a great dog, don't expect that to
27:54
be oh, well, now everything's fixed.
27:56
You know it takes some repetition to start believing.
28:00
That muscle memory. Yeah.
28:03
Yeah, I agree with that. So if you are struggling, let
28:08
this episode be a little bit of hope for you and a little bit of
28:13
glimpse into the other side and find something positive
28:19
anywhere. Just look for it and let that be
28:24
the thing that starts your muscle memory towards
28:27
positivity. Or speaking positivity to
28:30
yourself and your dog. Yeah, being gentle with yourself
28:34
and your dog. If you've enjoyed this episode,
28:39
subscribe, rate and share us wherever you get your podcast.
28:43
Also come on over to Instagram and engage with us at Sometimes
28:47
Their Side Eye. Thanks for listening everybody.
28:50
Talk to you next time. Bye bye.