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Resilient Leadership: How Women Lead with Strength, Clarity, and Calm · Rock My Finances

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Rock My Finances Show on k FORHD
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Speaker 3: Radio and Talk for TV, where we put the fund
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Speaker 3: in finance joint powerhouse Jeffer josp CDFA CMC and Private
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Speaker 3: Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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Speaker 3: control and confidence with your money, your web. It's not
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Speaker 3: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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Speaker 3: find out now. Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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Speaker 1: Welcome to Rock My Finances, Glad you're all here today,
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Speaker 1: I have an amazing guest. I'm so excited to introduce
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Speaker 1: her to you. It's all about resilient leadership. And if
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Speaker 1: you know anything about me, or my story or my past,
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Speaker 1: anything that we talked about on this podcast, you're going
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Speaker 1: to know that I am one resilient woman. And so
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Speaker 1: I cannot wait to have Michelle on here. We're going
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Speaker 1: to have a great conversation. Come on in, Michelle. Great
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Speaker 1: to meet you.
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Speaker 4: Hi, Jennifer, Thank you so much for having me. I'm
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Speaker 4: thrilled to be here.
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Speaker 2: This is going to be a great talk.
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Speaker 1: So Michelle did a ted X y'all ted X talk,
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Speaker 1: which you know is so amazing, So check her out
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Speaker 1: there for sure. But let me get to some nitty
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Speaker 1: gritty with you. Michelle, tell me about what got you
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Speaker 1: into resiliency leadership, all the stuff that you talk about
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Speaker 1: mental health, everything that you're spending your life doing.
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Speaker 2: What got you into that?
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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it's been an evolution to arrive at resilience
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Speaker 4: as a topic. But I will say it started with
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Speaker 4: growing up with my mom who is bipolar, and caring
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Speaker 4: for her and hanging on for the roller coaster ride
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Speaker 4: of her emotions as a little one, absorbing those emotions,
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Speaker 4: going through my own healing journey as an adult to
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Speaker 4: figure out how that affected me, and then honoring her
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Speaker 4: by wanting to proactively help people feel better without waiting
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Speaker 4: to hit burnout or waiting to hit depression. So it's
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Speaker 4: been sort of a labor of love, right, Like I
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Speaker 4: had a story. I told my story on the TED
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Speaker 4: stage about my mom. What that was like? It led
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Speaker 4: me to write a memoir about my mom. But then
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Speaker 4: ultimately I was like, why are we waiting to talk
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Speaker 4: about this? Why are we not talking about it ahead
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Speaker 4: of time? And why didn't my mom do things proactively?
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Speaker 4: Why did she just wait until she hit you know,
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Speaker 4: a manic episode or you know, a breakdown. So yeah,
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Speaker 4: so I decided to flip it on its head and say,
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Speaker 4: let's start talking about what we can be doing, what
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Speaker 4: we have agency over every day to preserve our well
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Speaker 4: being and take better care of ourselves.
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Speaker 1: I love that, and I'm going to dive in with
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Speaker 1: that word agency. So I have friends that use it,
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Speaker 1: friends that have no idea what it means. What is
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Speaker 1: your definition of agency?
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Speaker 4: I think it's just to remember where the line in
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Speaker 4: the sand is that you have control over where you
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Speaker 4: have empowerment versus what is on the other side of
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Speaker 4: that line that you don't have a say in. So
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Speaker 4: it's really reclaiming what is ours is how I see it.
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Speaker 1: I like that, So I would say it's my responsibility. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: agency is something that I can control my emotions, I
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Speaker 1: can control my words. I can control my behavior and
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Speaker 1: my actions, my thoughts, feelings, all that, that's my responsibility.
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Speaker 1: I just had a friend the other day tell me
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Speaker 1: she was complaining about her friends and she was saying
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Speaker 1: he made her do this and he took all her
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Speaker 1: power away, and I thought, no, he didn't. She gave
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Speaker 1: him her power. He can't make her do anything like
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Speaker 1: she chose to do that. Yeah, so he's not claiming
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Speaker 1: her own agency. Does that make sense?
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Speaker 2: Is that a right?
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Speaker 4: Stay correct? Absolutely? Absolutely.
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Speaker 1: I want to learn how to use that word agency
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Speaker 1: better because I know it's coming out a lot more.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great.
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Speaker 1: And growing up with a bipolar mom, Wow, you were
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Speaker 1: flip flop, flip flop.
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Speaker 2: You'd had no idea what was going to happen.
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Speaker 1: So I grew up in an alcoholic, hom dysfunctional home,
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Speaker 1: so I can absolutely relate with you on that. I
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Speaker 1: had no idea what I was going to walk in
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Speaker 1: to the door with.
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Speaker 2: What I came from school, when I woke up.
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Speaker 1: In the morning, when they came home at night, I
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Speaker 1: had no idea what was going to happen. So I
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Speaker 1: just want to pat us on the back because we
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Speaker 1: survived and we're awesome and we I have some amazing
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Speaker 1: traits from that dysfunction, and I love that you're putting
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Speaker 1: it to good to good works here as well. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: so I read you, I read your website, I read
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Speaker 1: your did your ted talk and everything.
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Speaker 2: Let me ask you, what is identity shifting?
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Speaker 4: Identity shifting? So it's really recognizing the future state of
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Speaker 4: where you want to be and pulling yourself through to
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Speaker 4: that before it's your reality. So when I say when
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Speaker 4: I think about identity shifting, it's it's being your future
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Speaker 4: self now, even if even if it's not your reality,
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Speaker 4: you're being that person now and that's going to shift you.
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Speaker 1: I love that, Okay, So I've never heard it put
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Speaker 1: that way. So I had a coach back in the
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Speaker 1: day who helped me just tremendously, and she called my
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Speaker 1: higher self the priestess. The priestess just absolutely knows why
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Speaker 1: she's here and what she's doing, and she sees her
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Speaker 1: future self. So I named my little Star. So my
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Speaker 1: little priest's name is Star, and that is my future
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Speaker 1: self that knows all, and that knows why she's here,
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Speaker 1: and she is like my manifestation of my best life.
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Speaker 2: Is that the thing?
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Speaker 4: Oh for sure? For sure? And whenever you visualize that,
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Speaker 4: you're pulling yourself to that reality.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, Sonie, to spend more time with Star, I can
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Speaker 2: hear that.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, for sure, I love that.
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Speaker 1: And innate personal insight is that kind of like intuition.
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Speaker 4: I feel like it is. I feel you know, so
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Speaker 4: many people that I talk to they're not quiet, they
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Speaker 4: don't get quiet enough to hear their inner voice because
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Speaker 4: they're at the effects of a very busy and very
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Speaker 4: loud and confusing world that we live in. And yeah,
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Speaker 4: I would say, you know, and most people are waiting
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Speaker 4: for their external circumstances to be different instead of realizing
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Speaker 4: that it can come from within by just going and
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Speaker 4: getting connected to that inner self and that inner guidance
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Speaker 4: and that peacefulness that we forget is easily accessible to
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Speaker 4: us if we just.
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Speaker 1: Turn off the noise, which is not easy, right, it's
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Speaker 1: a practice, and it's.
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Speaker 4: A dopamine hit to continuously be hit with information and
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Speaker 4: correspondence and whatever it's it's giving us that dopamine fix.
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Speaker 4: So it's really hard to go within and be quiet
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Speaker 4: and connect to your inner voice that knows exactly what
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Speaker 4: knows exactly what the next step should be for you.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true. It's scary.
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Speaker 1: I started meditating and it took me so long because
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Speaker 1: you're right, all the thoughts and feelings. My thing is
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Speaker 1: the F word, right, it's all about the feelings. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: And it's about how you feel about it, and so
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Speaker 1: those feelings do pop up when you're sitting still, yeah,
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Speaker 1: and you're quiet. So I think it detours people. So
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Speaker 1: that makes total sense. And the personal insight. And I'm
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Speaker 1: a single woman. I've been seeing for a long time,
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Speaker 1: and my requirement of a partner, if I ever did
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Speaker 1: that would be you need to know yourself because I
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Speaker 1: have no time to be figuring you out. You need
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Speaker 1: to know yourself like I know myself.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, Oh absolutely. I mean there's there's something so beautiful
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Speaker 4: about two people who are self aware coming together and
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Speaker 4: co creating something from a place.
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Speaker 2: Of wholeness you know, yes, yeah, absolutely beautiful. I love it.
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Speaker 1: Okay, so many women are juggling so much, and we
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Speaker 1: we don't know that we're on the edge of overload,
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Speaker 1: or we don't know that we actually need to slow
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Speaker 1: down and do that, and we would hear it, we
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Speaker 1: need to meditate, you know, all that kind of thing.
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Speaker 1: But what are some subtle signs or something that women
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Speaker 1: can like go, oh, I really need to shift my
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Speaker 1: thinking and my practices right now. What's something that comes
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Speaker 1: up for people?
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Speaker 4: So this, this for me, goes back to agency because
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Speaker 4: most people are running on autopilot. Yes, they're not intentional
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Speaker 4: about how they start their day. They're not intentional about
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Speaker 4: practices that they know are going to restore and give
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Speaker 4: them a place to recover and recalibrate because they're constantly
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Speaker 4: and I'll speak for you know the women in my
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Speaker 4: life who are constantly in service of other people fit
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Speaker 4: whether it be their children or their work obligations, that
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Speaker 4: they're not being intentional about their time and their practices
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Speaker 4: to reserve some time for them to recharge and recalibrate
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Speaker 4: on the regular instead of waiting until they're thoroughly exhausted.
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Speaker 4: So it's reclaiming agency and creating proactively what is your
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Speaker 4: routine so that you don't get to the point where
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Speaker 4: you're like feeling like you got one foot on a
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Speaker 4: banana peel and you're about to, you know, lose it.
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Speaker 4: So the signs are if you feel like you're just
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Speaker 4: at the effects of your life, and most people do.
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Speaker 4: They just feel like they're at the effects of their life. Right,
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Speaker 4: I have this responsibility followed by this one, followed by
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Speaker 4: this one, and maybe before I go to bed, if
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Speaker 4: I have a minute, I'll watch a Netflix series and
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Speaker 4: that'll fill my cup. But reality is it won't fill
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Speaker 4: your cup. It's not nearly enough for you to do
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Speaker 4: something like that and think that that's enough rejuvenation for
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Speaker 4: the next day.
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Speaker 1: I love that so true so many people right, Oh yeah,
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Speaker 1: And in my coaching program, a certified money coach and
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Speaker 1: I do a coaching program. I'm so glad you're saying
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Speaker 1: what you're saying, because that means I'm good because I
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Speaker 1: have everyone start off with a morning routine, yeah, and
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Speaker 1: then a nighttime routine and then breath throughout the day.
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Speaker 2: I literally had to.
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Speaker 1: Set an alarm on my phone to breathe like it
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Speaker 1: just was so I was exactly what you were saying. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: I just I was out effect of everything and it
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Speaker 1: was scary to slow down.
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Speaker 4: You know. I think most people don't realize how powerful
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Speaker 4: reserving a small amount of time for themselves in the
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Speaker 4: beginning of the day is because it is a signal
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Speaker 4: to your day that I'm the one in the cockpit
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Speaker 4: of my life and I choose to start my day
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Speaker 4: with some intentionality so that I get to say how
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Speaker 4: things go. It's not like, you know, you don't have
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Speaker 4: to do fifteen things. It's just about having a slow morning,
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Speaker 4: a calm morning, and intentional morning. And that could be
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Speaker 4: as little as fifteen twenty minutes just for you to
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Speaker 4: not be at the effects of the noise of the phone,
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Speaker 4: the noise of the computer. But that has a domino
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Speaker 4: effect to your energy and how you show up throughout
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Speaker 4: the day. So it's it's I don't like people to
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Speaker 4: think of it as something that is just something else
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Speaker 4: they have to do to feel good. I want them
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Speaker 4: to realize, no, no, no, try it. Give yourself fifteen
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Speaker 4: minutes just for you in the morning and see the
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Speaker 4: difference yourself of how you feel as you drive to
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Speaker 4: work or start your morning after you've replenished yourself a
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Speaker 4: little bit.
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Speaker 1: I love that, what are some things that they should
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Speaker 1: start to test out? Because I know some things work
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Speaker 1: for other people. But in that fifteen minutes.
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Speaker 4: You know, it's funny like Jay Shetty talks about how
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Speaker 4: you shouldn't listen, you shouldn't grab your phone when you
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Speaker 4: wake up, and it's a little thing like that come on,
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Speaker 4: like there's a lot of noise, whether it's social media,
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Speaker 4: your email, your brain is just waking up. It's very
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Speaker 4: tender in those moments. It oftentimes if you don't look
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Speaker 4: at your phone and you go and you take a shower,
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Speaker 4: you'll have brilliant ideas. But those brilliant ideas would never
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Speaker 4: surface if you were like checking out the news for
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Speaker 4: forty five minutes, because it would get lost in the sauce.
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Speaker 4: So you know, for me, it's like, take fifteen minutes,
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Speaker 4: don't look at your phone. Maybe sit down and have
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Speaker 4: a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. Maybe
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Speaker 4: reflect on three things that are going well in your life.
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Speaker 4: Because if we reflect on the things, if we give
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Speaker 4: that our attention to start the day, we're giving ourselves
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Speaker 4: a shot at having a good day versus being at
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Speaker 4: the effects of the new use and all the things
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Speaker 4: you can't impact, the things that piss you off, Like
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Speaker 4: give yourself a shot to have a good day. Just
13:06
Speaker 4: sit down, have a cup of coffee, light a candle,
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Speaker 4: think about some things that really make you feel good,
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Speaker 4: that are going well, you know, and give yourself that
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Speaker 4: oxygen mask.
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Speaker 2: I love that.
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Speaker 1: I love that I have been doing and mine shifts
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Speaker 1: throughout the years. So I have it's so cold here
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Speaker 1: right now in it's wintertime, so I'm staying in bed
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Speaker 1: and I'm doing my red light therapy in the morning.
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Speaker 1: I do like a five minute of journaling, five minute
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Speaker 1: of music, and then five minute of movement. But I've
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Speaker 1: changed all that to my red light therapy right now,
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Speaker 1: and you're right, the ideas are amazing.
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Speaker 2: I have my phone in the other room, so I
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Speaker 2: don't pick it up.
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Speaker 1: Is that that, like you said, just blows it all out.
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Speaker 2: You just never know what's going to happen after that.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
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Speaker 2: I love that.
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Speaker 1: So what does Let me ask you this, do you
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Speaker 1: see a difference when you are training these people know
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Speaker 1: you have huge credentials and you're going to corporate and
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Speaker 1: you're helping corporate figure out resiliency and just mental health
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Speaker 1: goes along with all of that. Do you see a
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Speaker 1: difference in men and women that are stepping into the resiliency.
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Speaker 4: I see a difference in that when I first start,
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Speaker 4: for example, to coach someone, they often don't have any
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Speaker 4: structure in their life to fill their cup and just
14:27
Speaker 4: giving them micro shifts. I'm all about micro shifts, like
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Speaker 4: don't try to boil the ocean, just kind of do
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Speaker 4: one or two things, see how that feels, and do
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Speaker 4: it consistently, and then come back and talk to me.
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Speaker 4: So I see the greatest difference is, like, is in
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Speaker 4: something as simple as the morning routine and being held
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Speaker 4: accountable to that, right, like being held accountable to try
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Speaker 4: that three times for the first week, and well, if
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Speaker 4: that went well, then maybe next week you do it
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Speaker 4: for five, Like it's completely up to you. But giving
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Speaker 4: them a chance to feel different and feel better is
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Speaker 4: amazing because they do they and so if you can
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Speaker 4: get that foundation in place, then it's like, Okay, well,
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Speaker 4: what else could I be doing that's going to help
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Speaker 4: me feel good? I think we we forget how good
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Speaker 4: we can feel because we've become so you know, on
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Speaker 4: the hamster wheel of responsibility that you know, we think
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Speaker 4: that what we're tolerating is is okay. But I reintroduced
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Speaker 4: to people like, no, you can and you should feel better,
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Speaker 4: you know, and you can do that just by doing
15:31
Speaker 4: small little things.
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Speaker 2: I love that you're right and we can and should.
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Speaker 3: We don't.
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Speaker 1: We don't realize that when we do feel better, it's like, wow,
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Speaker 1: how come I haven't felt like this? So that brings
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Speaker 1: me to the word boundary. I know it's overused so much,
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Speaker 1: but it's that's like intertwined with everything that you're saying, Like,
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Speaker 1: when we set better boundaries for ourselves, we can do
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Speaker 1: everything that you're saying.
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Speaker 4: Oh for sure. I mean I think you know, we
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Speaker 4: we forget that when we say Oftentimes when we say
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Speaker 4: yes to other people without thinking about that or the
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Speaker 4: impact it has on us, we are not valuing ourselves
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Speaker 4: in our time. Like sometimes to say no to something
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Speaker 4: an obligation or a nice to do means saying yes
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Speaker 4: to you. And if you need to maybe take inventory
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Speaker 4: and say am I saying yes to me enough? That
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Speaker 4: could be the very first step. You know, we're givers
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Speaker 4: as women, we're givers. Someone asked you to do something.
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Speaker 4: I'm not letting them down, but are you letting you down?
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Speaker 4: So you have to think about that and just create
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Speaker 4: more of a balance with that. And and honestly, people
16:39
Speaker 4: will treat you the way that you whatever you tolerate,
16:43
Speaker 4: right like we teach people how to treat us by
16:46
Speaker 4: what we tolerate. So if someone's constantly, you know, encroaching
16:49
Speaker 4: on a boundary and not respecting you, you know that
16:53
Speaker 4: that's a problem. That's a problem. You have to retrain them,
16:56
Speaker 4: you know. Like I love that saying you're the CEO
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Speaker 4: of your life.
17:00
Speaker 2: Life.
17:00
Speaker 4: You can hire, buyer, demote anyone else around you, but
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Speaker 4: you ultimately are the CEO. You get to say who
17:08
Speaker 4: gets your attention, who gets your focus, who is the
17:12
Speaker 4: most in your ears? Because those ears are precious. So
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Speaker 4: we have to do that, we have to do a
17:18
Speaker 4: better job.
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Speaker 2: I love that. I love that.
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Speaker 1: And then a lot of women, we are leaders. We're
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Speaker 1: leaders at work, we're leaders at home, we're leaders in
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Speaker 1: our community. And then we'll do so much for our community,
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Speaker 1: like you said, instead of ourselves. And the best thing
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Speaker 1: we can do is be a role model of taking
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Speaker 1: care of ourselves.
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Speaker 4: For our community, and that starts with your energy before
17:43
Speaker 4: you even open your mouth. I just did a post
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Speaker 4: on calm energy and calm leadership, like how you show
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Speaker 4: up before you even speak. People pick up on that.
17:55
Speaker 4: You can either create a sense of calm, a sense
17:58
Speaker 4: of confidence within your team, or chaos. Right, So a
18:03
Speaker 4: regulated leader influences people around them. So what does it
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Speaker 4: take to be regulated? Well, you have to fill your cup,
18:11
Speaker 4: you have to be balanced, you have to have had
18:13
Speaker 4: a good night's sleep, you have to have taken a
18:16
Speaker 4: few moments for yourself. Then that gives you capacity to
18:19
Speaker 4: show up as that calm, you know, leader that other
18:22
Speaker 4: people are going to pay more attention to because your
18:26
Speaker 4: presence is loud.
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Speaker 1: I love that because we are, as Oprah said, we're
18:31
Speaker 1: responsible for the energy that we bring into the room.
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Speaker 2: So true, and it's catchy.
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Speaker 4: It is it is. But also, like you know, the
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Speaker 4: leaders that inspire you, you're like, wow, why are they
18:43
Speaker 4: so unshakable. It's because they're grounded, It's because they're nourished.
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Speaker 4: It's because they've created that balance so they can show
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Speaker 4: up that way. And I think that's that's kind of
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Speaker 4: how I want to influence the people around me is
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Speaker 4: how I show up and handle scenarios, gives them maybe
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Speaker 4: some inspiration that they can do the same.
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Speaker 2: I love that.
19:05
Speaker 1: And so a morning ritual taking some time for ourselves.
19:09
Speaker 1: Of course, meditation, We've always saying that, but just some
19:11
Speaker 1: quiet time. It could be a walk, it could be
19:14
Speaker 1: like I have a hot tub. I go in the
19:16
Speaker 1: hot tub quite often. That's like my quiet time. What
19:19
Speaker 1: like an evening ritual? I mean because for me, I
19:23
Speaker 1: have to wind down before I can go to sleep
19:24
Speaker 1: in order to wake up the time I want to
19:26
Speaker 1: wake up.
19:26
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
19:27
Speaker 1: Oh?
19:27
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well how about just guarding your sleep most people?
19:30
Speaker 4: Most people don't guard their sleep like I love an
19:33
Speaker 4: evening ritual. But you can have an evening ritual if
19:36
Speaker 4: you're only getting yourself six hours of sleep, because that's
19:38
Speaker 4: what you've been running on and you don't know any different.
19:42
Speaker 4: I would challenge you to say, imagine what you might
19:45
Speaker 4: feel like if you got like seven or eight hours
19:47
Speaker 4: of sleep. So are you protecting your sleep? Because listen,
19:52
Speaker 4: it's inevitable that stress is always going to be there
19:54
Speaker 4: in our day to day lives. The only way that
19:57
Speaker 4: we'll be able to handle stress without it devouring us
20:00
Speaker 4: is that we are feeling good, and that means well
20:04
Speaker 4: rested and ready to like EBB and flow with the
20:08
Speaker 4: stress versus it's taken me down. I've only gotten, you know,
20:12
Speaker 4: five hours of sleep last night. I don't know why
20:15
Speaker 4: I'm so short. Well, I assure you it might have
20:18
Speaker 4: something to do with that. So I say, guard your
20:20
Speaker 4: sleep and try to play around with getting more sleep
20:24
Speaker 4: to see how that affects your energy and your resilience.
20:27
Speaker 1: That's great, And like you said, our emotions like if
20:31
Speaker 1: I'm sleep deprived, I am not going to be nice.
20:34
Speaker 1: I mean there's you can't hold everyone and everything if
20:39
Speaker 1: we don't sleep well. And here's my thing that I learned.
20:42
Speaker 1: My stomach is flat when I get eight hours of
20:45
Speaker 1: sleep because the quarter's all being taken care of.
20:48
Speaker 2: So there's another reason to do it. Michelle saye, I
20:52
Speaker 2: love that.
20:52
Speaker 4: That's awesome. Yeah, I mean you want to be regulated
20:55
Speaker 4: and be able to handle the most challenging situations. You know,
20:59
Speaker 4: give yourself shot comment to the Game of Life, fueled
21:03
Speaker 4: and ready to go.
21:05
Speaker 2: I love it.
21:06
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Michelle, I've so enjoyed our talk today.
21:09
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
21:10
Speaker 2: Everyone.
21:11
Speaker 1: Check out her ted talk. Check Michelle out. She's amazing.
21:15
Speaker 1: The more we can spread this information, the more we're
21:17
Speaker 1: all going to have peace and harmony and calm and
21:20
Speaker 1: clarity in our lives. Michelle, thank you so much for
21:22
Speaker 1: being on the show, and I hope that everybody could
21:24
Speaker 1: put this into place so that when you sit down
21:26
Speaker 1: and do your money date, you can say, hey, I
21:29
Speaker 1: rock my finances.
21:31
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21:38
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21:43
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21:57
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