Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / Why New Managers Fail The Feedback Loop
Transcript
- Lucas: The most dangerous trap for a new manager isn't making bad hiring decisions or missing revenue targets. It's letting feedback pile up until it becomes a weapon. I recently spoke with a director in the software sector who described his first year as managing a 'landmine.' He would wait for quarterly reviews to deliver criticism, hoping to bundle it with praise so it felt fairer. Instead, his team stopped sharing problems because they feared the quarterly audit. Luna: That makes total sense. If people know you're keeping score for a future judgment call, they stop being honest in the moment. They just start hiding. Lucas: Exactly. And by the time that quarterly meeting arrives, the issues are no longer small behavioral tweaks. They are structural failures that require a performance improvement plan. The damage is done long before the calendar date hits. We see this pattern constantly across industries where individual contributors get promoted without training on the rhythm of conversation. Luna: Right, because their instinct is to fix the big problem, not the daily friction. But fixing the friction is what prevents the big problem. Lucas: Let's look at a concrete example from a manufacturing operations manager named David. David had a high performer who consistently missed deadlines on minor deliverables. For six months, David said nothing because the person delivered the major projects on time. Then, during the annual review, David listed the missed deadlines as a primary reason for denying a promotion. The employee was shocked and left two weeks later. Luna: Wow. That feels like a betrayal of trust. The employee probably thought the minor stuff didn't matter since David never brought it up. Lucas: It wasn't just surprise; it was a violation of implicit contract. In any professional relationship, silence is interpreted as approval. When David finally spoke, he wasn't correcting behavior anymore. He was delivering a verdict. By then, the relationship was already broken. The key insight here is that feedback must be immediate, specific, and separated from evaluation. Luna: So how do you separate them? You can't always have a formal sit-down every time someone sends an email with a typo. Lucas: You don't need a formal sit-down. You need micro-interactions. Think of it like physical therapy for team habits. If a runner has bad form, you don't wait until the marathon to tell them. You correct their stride in real-time. David should have sent a quick message saying, 'Hey, I noticed the report was late again. Is there a blocker I can help remove?' That opens a dialogue. It doesn't shut it down. Luna: I love that framing. It shifts the manager from judge to coach. But what if the behavior is personal? Like attitude or communication style? Lucas: Those are actually easier to address early because they are visible. Attitude leaks out in meetings. If someone interrupts three times in a ten-minute stand-up, you can address it right after. Say, 'I want to make sure everyone gets airtime. Let's pause on that point and hear from Sarah next.' It's public, it's neutral, and it sets a norm. Waiting for a private one-on-one to discuss rudeness makes it feel like a personal attack rather than a team standard. Luna: That’s a good distinction. Public norms versus private corrections. It keeps the focus on the team system rather than individual personality flaws. Lucas: Precisely. Now, let's talk about the structure of those one-on-ones. Many new managers treat the weekly check-in as a status update. They ask, 'What did you do this week?' and 'What are you doing next week?' That is data collection, not management. It turns the employee into a reporting device. The purpose of the one-on-one is development and alignment. Luna: Okay, so if you aren't asking for status updates, what are you asking for? Because if you don't track progress, how do you know if things are slipping? Lucas: You track progress through other channels. Slack, project boards, email threads. Save the one-on-one for the human element. Ask, 'What is frustrating you?' 'Where do you feel stuck?' 'How can I unblock you?' When you shift the question from output to experience, you gather better data. You learn about the bottlenecks before they become crises. You also signal that you care about their experience, which builds the psychological safety we mentioned earlier. Luna: It sounds like you're suggesting the manager does more listening and less directing. That feels risky for someone who got promoted because they were decisive. Lucas: It is risky, but it's necessary. High performers often over-manage because they are anxious about losing control. They think if they aren't giving orders, they aren't leading. But leadership is about creating conditions for others to succeed. If you are always directing, you become the bottleneck. Your team stops thinking because they are waiting for your instruction. You have to create space for them to solve problems. Luna: So the goal is to make yourself redundant in the decision-making process? That’s a weird kind of success metric. Lucas: It is the only sustainable metric. If your team cannot function without you, you haven't built a team. You've built an entourage. The best managers are the ones who leave a vacuum that the team naturally fills with competence. That takes practice. It requires you to sit with discomfort when you don't give the answer immediately. Luna: I think that's the hardest part. Sitting with the quiet. Letting the silence hang while they figure it out. Lucas: Exactly. Most people fill silence because it feels awkward. But in a coaching context, silence is where the thinking happens. If you jump in too fast, you rob them of the chance to articulate their own solution. You want them to say, 'I think I should try X,' not 'What do you want me to do?' The latter creates dependency. The former creates ownership. Luna: Ownership changes everything. People defend what they build. So if they propose the solution, they fight for its success. Lucas: Yes. And it reduces your workload significantly. You stop being the chief problem solver and start being the chief obstacle remover. That is a much more scalable role. But it requires discipline. You have to resist the urge to fix things quickly. You have to ask, 'Have you considered Y?' instead of saying, 'Do Y.' Luna: That subtle shift in language makes a huge difference. It feels like guidance rather than command. Lucas: It does. And it trains the team to think strategically. Over time, they start bringing you solutions, not just problems. That is the hallmark of a mature team. But getting there requires consistent application of these principles. You can't switch back to command and control mode when you are stressed. That breaks the trust you spent months building. Luna: Which brings us back to the initial point about stress. New managers are under immense pressure to perform. How do they keep this rhythm when everything is burning? Lucas: They prioritize. It sounds obvious, but most new managers fail to protect their one-on-ones. They cancel them for 'more important' meetings. Those meetings are rarely more important. They are the engine of the team's health. If you skip them, you lose visibility. You lose connection. You lose the ability to course-correct. Protecting that time is the first test of your commitment to the role. Luna: It’s ironic. The thing that feels least urgent—the relationship maintenance—is the thing that prevents the fires. Lucas: Absolutely. Prevention is invisible. Fires are visible. Humans are wired to react to visible threats. But smart managers invest in invisible prevention. They show up for the one-on-one even when the deadline is tight. They ask the hard questions even when they are exhausted. That consistency signals reliability. It tells the team, 'I am here. I am listening. We are in this together.' Luna: That reliability is what turns a group of individuals into a unit. People follow leaders they trust, not just leaders who give orders. Lucas: Trust is the currency of management. You spend it carefully. Every canceled meeting, every ignored concern, every delayed feedback session costs you trust. Every engaged conversation, every protected boundary, every timely correction builds it back. You are always balancing the ledger. Luna: I like that. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present and consistent. Lucas: Exactly. Perfection is impossible. Consistency is a choice. And that choice defines your tenure as a manager. If you want to avoid the landmines, you have to clear them one by one. Not at the end of the quarter. Today. Now. In the next conversation. Luna: So the takeaway is simple but hard: stop waiting for the big moments. Start shaping the small ones. Lucas: Yes. Shape the small moments. Build the trust. And the big moments will take care of themselves. Luna: And if the small moments are ignored, the big ones become disasters. Thanks for the perspective, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. Before we go, if today was actually useful to you, the way these stay ad-free is listener support — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: Yeah, it really helps keep the content coming. Even a small contribution makes a difference for us. Lucas: We appreciate every bit of support. It allows us to dig deeper into these topics without chasing clicks. Back to the topic, though. One final thought on the feedback loop. Luna: Right, what’s the last piece of the puzzle? Lucas: Ask for feedback on your own management. Early in your tenure, ask your direct reports, 'What is one thing I could do differently to support you better?' It models vulnerability. It invites honesty. And it gives you a roadmap for your own growth. You are learning the job too. Let them help you learn it. Luna: That’s powerful. It flips the power dynamic in a healthy way. Shows you’re open to change. Lucas: It does. And it proves you aren't just talking about growth. You're practicing it. That resonates deeply with teams. They see a leader who is evolving, not just enforcing. Luna: So the new manager isn't a finished product. They're a work in progress, guided by continuous conversation. Lucas: Exactly. We are all works in progress. The difference is whether we acknowledge it and adapt. Or whether we hide behind the title and hope no one notices. Which path will you choose this week?