Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / Managing a Boss Who Is Never Wrong
Transcript
- Lucas: So, Luna, I want to start with a quote from a former colleague of mine. She once said, 'My boss is never wrong. He's just occasionally mistaken, and then he forgets he was ever mistaken.' Luna: Oh, that's painfully accurate. I've had a boss like that. It's exhausting because you can't even have a normal disagreement. Lucas: Right. And that's what we're talking about today — managing a boss who is never wrong. Not the micromanager, not the credit-stealer, but the one whose ego is so tied up in being right that any correction, any alternative idea, feels like a threat. Luna: And let's be clear, this is different from the boss who's out of their depth or the one who changes priorities all the time. Those are about competence or chaos. This is about something deeper. Lucas: Exactly. At its core, it's a psychological pattern. And there's actually some research that gives us a handle on it. There's a concept from MIT's Sloan School of Management called 'psychological safety' — the belief that you won't be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, or mistakes. Luna: And a boss who's never wrong destroys that safety in a second. Lucas: Completely. In teams with low psychological safety, people stop sharing ideas. They stop flagging risks. They just nod and implement. And that's when things start to go wrong — quietly, until they blow up. Luna: I remember at a previous job, we had a manager who would literally rewrite the agenda after a meeting to reflect that he had suggested things we actually proposed. It was like gaslighting on a team level. Lucas: That's a classic move. And the problem is, when you call it out, you don't just lose the argument — you lose credibility. So what do you do? You start keeping receipts. You document everything. Luna: But how do you document without sounding defensive? Like, if you write an email that says 'As per our conversation...' doesn't that just make you look like you're covering your tail? Lucas: It can, if you do it wrong. The trick is to frame it as a summary for alignment. Like, 'Just to make sure we're on the same page, here's what I understand we agreed to.' That's not defensive — it's good practice. And if the boss revises history later, you've got the paper trail. Luna: Okay, that's useful. But what about the moment of disagreement itself? If your boss says something wrong, and you correct them, it's a minefield. Lucas: Yeah, you have to be strategic. The worst thing you can do is say 'You're wrong' — even if you're right. It triggers a threat response. Instead, you want to turn your correction into a question. 'I'm curious — how would this work if we factored in X?' Or 'I might be missing something, but what about Y?' Luna: So you make it about your own understanding, not their error. Lucas: Right. It's a little bit of humility theater, but it works. The boss saves face, and the idea gets on the table. Luna: But there's a line, right? At some point you're not managing up — you're just managing the boss's ego, and that's a full-time job. Lucas: That's where you have to ask yourself: is this a battle worth fighting? If the stakes are high — like a compliance issue or a major client relationship — you have to speak up, even if it costs you. But if it's a minor preference, sometimes you just let it go. Luna: And a lot of the time, bosses who are never wrong are actually deeply insecure. They're afraid that if they admit a mistake, they'll look weak. So they double down. Lucas: There's a term for that — it's called the 'backfire effect.' When your core beliefs are challenged, you actually cling to them harder. And for someone in a leadership position, their identity is wrapped up in being the one who has the answers. Luna: So when you see that, you can stop taking it personally. It's not about you. Lucas: That's a huge step, honestly. When you recognize it's a defense mechanism, you can change your approach. Instead of arguing, you can appeal to what they care about — usually, looking good to their own boss. Luna: So you frame your suggestion as a way for them to shine. Lucas: Exactly. You say 'If we do this, you'll be the one who caught this risk.' Or 'This will make your quarterly numbers look better.' You give them the win, and you get what you need. Luna: But eventually, doesn't this wear you down? You're constantly managing a personality disorder, basically. Lucas: It does wear on you. And that's why you need to protect your own energy. Set boundaries. If the boss is going to take credit for your work, don't fight it every time — instead, make sure the people who matter see your contributions. Find a mentor above the boss, or in another department, who can vouch for you. Luna: Honestly, that's the career version of building a safety net. Lucas: And sometimes the safety net is your resume. Look, if you've tried all the tactics — the questions, the framing, the documentation — and the boss still never admits a mistake, and the environment is toxic, you have to consider your exit. Luna: But before we get to the exit talk, I want to circle back to something you said earlier about psychological safety. Because it's not just about your relationship with the boss — it's about the whole team. Lucas: Right. When you have a boss who's never wrong, the whole team clams up. You get a culture of yes-men. And that's not just bad for morale — it's bad for performance. Google's Project Aristotle found that psychological safety was the single biggest driver of team effectiveness. Luna: So the boss is literally hurting their own results by being right all the time. Lucas: That's the irony. And sometimes you can use that as a framing — not directly, but indirectly. You can bring up a case where another team failed because they didn't question their leader. You can plant the seed. Luna: And what about the moments when your boss is publicly wrong? In a meeting with their boss or a client. Do you correct them then? Lucas: That's the most dangerous situation. You definitely do not correct them in front of others. That's a career-limiting move. Instead, you can say something like 'That's an interesting framework — could we explore it more after this?' Or you subtly redirect. Luna: But if it's a factual error that could blow up in real time? Lucas: Then you have to make a judgment call. If it's a legal or compliance issue, you have to speak up, no matter the cost. But if it's just a wrong assumption, you might let it slide and fix it later, after the meeting, in a one-on-one. Luna: And in the one-on-one, you use the same question technique. Lucas: Absolutely. You say 'When you said X, I was wondering if we had considered Y.' Again, it's about your learning, not their mistake. Luna: This is all great if you want to stay. But what about the long game? If you're constantly having to do this dance, doesn't it burn you out? I mean, we're not therapists, we're employees. Lucas: That's why you have to know your own limit. There's a difference between a challenging boss and a toxic one. If you're losing sleep, if you're dreading every interaction, if the only way to survive is to constantly stroke their ego — that's a sign to start planning your exit. Luna: And when you do leave, you leave with your integrity intact. Lucas: Exactly. You don't want to become the kind of person who just nods and agrees with everything. That's a slippery slope. You have to hold on to your own judgment. Luna: Honestly, listening to you talk about this, I'm thinking of my own experience. And I want to say something — if you're in a situation like this, and you've tried everything, it's not a failure to leave. It's a recognition of your own worth. Lucas: That's a good note to end on. But before we wrap up, let me say this: if today's episode helped you think through your own tricky boss situation — and I know it did for me — consider supporting the show. It's what keeps us ad-free and independent. There's a link on the page — it's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. If today was worth a coffee to you, that's the link. Luna: Yeah, even a small bit helps us keep doing these deep dives. Lucas: And on that note — actually, let's go back to the topic for a second. Because we talked about leaving, but that's a big step. Before you get there, there's one more tactic that often gets overlooked. Luna: What's that? Lucas: You can try to become the boss's ally on the one thing they are actually insecure about. Find something they're genuinely good at, and give them credit for it. Build trust there. Then, when you need to challenge them on something else, they're more likely to listen. Luna: That's smart. It's like building a bank of goodwill. Lucas: Exactly. But it has to be genuine. If you're fake, they'll smell it. So find something real — maybe they're great at presenting to the C-suite, or they have a sharp eye for marketing copy. Praise that. Luna: And then they see you as someone on their side, not someone who's always challenging them. Lucas: Right. And that can make all the difference. After that, when you do bring up a concern, they're more likely to consider it rather than dismiss it. Luna: So, to recap: frame your corrections as questions, document for your own protection, let the small stuff go, and build good will where you can. And if it's still hopeless, start planning your exit. Lucas: That's the playbook. And remember, you're not just managing your boss — you're managing your own career. The goal is to stay true to your judgment while keeping your sanity. If you can do that, you might just outlast the boss who's never wrong. Luna: Or at least, you'll be the one with a clear conscience when you finally walk out the door. Lucas: That's a good way to leave it. Thanks for listening, everyone. Be kind to yourselves — and maybe your boss, too. They're probably scared.