Latest / Dear Son, / Why Your Ego Must Die Before Marriage | Better Together | Ep 3

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Why Your Ego Must Die Before Marriage | Better Together | Ep 3 · Dear Son,

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_04]: Man, they don't put me on blast with y'all I already know what time they're y'all now tuned in with your guys Better the yellow better the gather baby.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_04]: I got a lot of names on my man I don't even know where to start your forms and I actually was having a conversation with somebody other today and they said to me Where you going?
• 0:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: You're gonna have to start making decisions that's best for the other person before yourself
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: considered the worst best for the other person before you say, this is what I want to do.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_04]: I looked at him like he would cry.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: I felt him though.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Glad to hear that before I do.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now it's the time to do my job, you know?
• 0:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because both of them this is, that's what it's going to take, yeah.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: As a man though, I do feel and think at times like,
• 1:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: because I've done so much on my own, and I've watched so many women in my life be independent and do things on their own, like make choices for themselves.
• 1:13
  [SPEAKER_04]: And now what I think is best for us, I still have to have a conversation to make sure what I'm thinking is best for us.
• 1:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: when you have to have dual thinking, that's where you go, see right now, you have an accomplished anything as a couple, you have an accomplished, anything as a parent, you have an accomplished and that's not saying anything negative, you know what I'm saying?
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: It just sometimes broke.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Marriage is a monster when it comes to the sacrificial part for men and husbands, bro, because we, you know, especially for a cat who got as much ambition as you do, who got as much drive, because it's as easy to leave your spouse and your people standing still, man, why you shoot off.
• 2:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: What does it look like when I realize or think this decision we need to make together you don't understand?
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Before we get in all that, who are y'all?
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: Who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with you, who is with
• 2:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's why I was good to say that I lied.
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: As he said it, I was like, I'm taking a partnership.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm taking panel, I'm taking endeavor.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then you apply the same thing to relationship.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it, it, like you said, there is a duality.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like the principles as it pertains to household and marriage and moving forward in relationship.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: But also the question of let's say, for instance,
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: you're looking at a partnership or or hey, we come in together and we've been a Japanese project together.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Do I step back, take a step back and yield a bit for his pace to kind of check the room and see what the pace is.
• 3:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes that could be detrimental though, because think about pace setter, you know, like in NASCAR they got the
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: like we normally move at this pace, collectively.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: In our own respective areas, but then even collectively, we bring that same pace to the table.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you like, hey, man, let's jump out and do this and look at this.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: And perhaps it's like, yeah, let's let's.
• 4:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now that's needed, and it's still functioning and productive.
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: And then it's kind of a no-brainer like why not.
• 4:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: So if the perhaps that show strength or one of the
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes it's good, like dropping on the table, see how that thing move, and that could be a self-check for the rest of the people that they're table in the room to come along and catch along in the relationship as well though, like sometimes it's like, hey, I don't know that you all the way understand what I'm about to do or try our attempt.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: some things I'm just going to tempt any way and and that's a good meter stick for me though because I maybe perhaps you'll catch it quicker than me than I thought you would and you may pick up the baton and pass me and go further along with it than I even originally thought in my mind like I'm thinking here and I'm here I am worried about you catching on to what I'm present but you take it and you catch on to a quicker than I even had and have a better idea
• 5:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: How stuck are you in your ways?
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cause you're much later in the game than all of us.
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
• 5:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got married at 25, I turned 26 a few months after.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I was still, was your front, your front alone is only developed at 25 for some, depending on who's advice you take.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I wasn't really,
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Stuck in my ways, I don't have everything figured out, but sometimes I consider if the more mature me would have been better for the family and I don't go far down that road because then you start undoing everything that has been done and I consider my life to be a blessing, all things considered.
• 6:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I wonder about those things, but you were 38, moving into it, first time, you know, are you, are you even aware of, you know, most definitely, it's just certain things my mind want to say as a man make this decision.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: even running their buyer, I want to run their dead.
• 6:25
  [SPEAKER_04]: This is what's going on, right?
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: Not even, I want to hear what you think or what you think we should do.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm a numbers guy.
• 6:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: I know my woman.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: She's not a numbers woman, right?
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: So I've already done the numbers.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: I've already looked at what this may look like if it goes this way.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: I've already made all of these calculations.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_04]: On other things, I know her when it comes to the emotional side, when it comes to the family side, when it comes to certain things like that, I know to be emotionally available and include her.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: Right.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's certain things when it comes to the business that it's big.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's just like what her.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_04]: I appreciate you bringing it to me.
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_04]: We're doing this with the family A, B, and C, and X, Y, and Z.
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: But she, no, I'm just gonna be like, that's what's up.
• 7:17
  [SPEAKER_04]: You could have written one of made that decision that not even told me, but I just get dressed.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: This is where we're going.
• 7:22
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 7:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: But her, I've learned so much.
• 7:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: Everything I got to hit the table.
• 7:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's good.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: No early because.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I carry that assumption of what I thought my father did, I did.
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: We didn't get brought in on the conversations and that wasn't that generation and that that I bring up my children and every conversation nail.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: but what you saw was what you saw.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: It won the whole line of explanation about, you know the other day when X, Y, Z happened.
• 7:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, whatever I got from X, Y, Z happened is what I cared.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I took that into my marriage thinking that if I do these things and I said a bunch of times, if I do these things, it's gonna, you're gonna get this result.
• 8:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: A conversation with the help of us early.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like we, we,
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think we both were operating all of the assumptions and the just the high of us being together for years, and things were slowly creeping up like
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't agree with that, but I don't really want to make it a big deal because this thing may change.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: The things that are and continue to be will continue to be, if you don't use your voice, use your words, rather, and that was part of my challenge was me thinking I'm understanding how she feels about a thing that happened to conversation, so like you said, you
• 8:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I want to go on to this and say this is how it is.
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: You want her to agree to it.
• 8:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Have a conversation about why she wants to be advised by everything.
• 9:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: It may be tiresome, maybe that's what she saw.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or there may be some other issue that you didn't call, but it's part of the environment that you're in now.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: So like, great thing we're having to compensate is here.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm big hypocritical.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I admit that right now.
• 9:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Big hypocritical in terms of starting the marriage.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why why why you like this?
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: You use better words in that Use better words in that but like why why does Why does this strike you that way or I noticed that I'm thinking it's this what do you think it is?
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_04]: I went for years without that conversation question go here.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: I want to have it not bro Both y'all got great points, bro, and what I learned
• 9:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: And this being my 25th year, Mary's bro, it took a lot of failure in the space.
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Common courtesy is what keeps you from or keeps you in the leadership lane and keeps you out of the dictatorship lane.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Right.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, a lot of us going back to Deja's point, a lot of us came up under dictatorships.
• 10:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: And they weren't bad dictatorships.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: You just didn't get to ask no questions.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: There wasn't no conversations.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't no dialogue.
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And for our generation that
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: but for us, our children, our wives, common courtesy, bro, is a huge leadership too.
• 10:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot of times, man, all our wives is asking for, and all we ask them for.
• 10:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: See what you just described with your old lady, she just saying, like, listen, I'm gonna give you the common courtesy to tell you what's going on over here, here, here.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Even if you are saying,
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You could have just told me we could have just showed up.
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: I could have got dressed.
• 10:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: But what happens is the one or two times that she don't say something.
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you already got something on the agenda.
• 10:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: You already got something on your mind or whatever it is.
• 10:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Now like the John Sand, you might go months and years into a resentment over something that just could have been cancelled out with some common courtesy.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: And let me slide a little piece in there.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: both of y'all are equally doing something that's healthy and taught and y'all probably doing it with the subconscious mind of I move in this lane, I'm showing you how to deal with me.
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like you're equally, she's communicating on a level that she wants to be communicated with from you and you're
• 11:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: like keeping it light on the communication side because you won't have to keep it light on the communication side with you.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: So y'all are both showing the other one.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is this me, this my land, this is my method of communication, this is my love language, if you will.
• 11:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like when it comes to information,
• 11:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: you're showing her I give you the absolute necessary is the necessities this is a need to know item here you go other than that I'm not going to hit you with the numbers and the details that's outside of your interest scope and she's in you with hey you may not be interested in this but here's a through the showing you like hey
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm sure on you, I'm giving you A through Z, I won't A3 through Z.
• 12:20
  [SPEAKER_03]: You like, hey, it is ABC.
• 12:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: And you won't hear the ABC you.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'll have to look at the model, exchange.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: She asked to adjust what you showed her, but you also have to adjust a bit to what she showed you as well.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_04]: I was good.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't get with that.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_04]: Get the M. Yeah.
• 12:37
  [SPEAKER_04]: What for y'all get the M?
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:39
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't put it.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can't put it.
• 13:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: yeah controlled or or having controlled being controlled.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: So when you say what is the thing that makes her do that?
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can answer it.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_04]: I've heard them conversations.
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_04]: I identify the thing that makes her do that.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_04]: do I enable her when I continue to do what we just now discussing?
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, that's good.
• 13:25
  [SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_04]: So as I'm listening, it's great advice.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: Parts of me is saying, but I'll enable her because I know where it comes from.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: I know why you need.
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: it's a level of reassurance.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's a level of approval and validation.
• 13:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's certain things why you always need to know that byproduct.
• 13:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: So where is the honesty when I see that?
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_04]: I've addressed it.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: When do you actually say what it is though?
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_04]: And then let me know what I've been trying to tell you.
• 14:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's bigger than you just want to, I ways to know.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who was your response to it though?
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said you had a conversation and she communicated to you.
• 14:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: It comes from this.
• 14:11
  [SPEAKER_04]: Who was your response to my response to her saying that?
• 14:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: She ain't willing to admit.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_04]: It ain't got to the point where she's saying.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: because I don't want to put other people involved in this.
• 14:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: You don't feel you have the whole story.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: My level of vulnerability is different.
• 14:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: Period.
• 14:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: What I only expose about myself and other people I'm connected to of some people have not reached.
• 14:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, that level, that level of self-awareness is a super power.
• 14:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: But my question is, do you see it as a red flag?
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: No.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: So now I'm gonna pivot.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's where you have to, you have to take inventory on how big of a deal that is.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, that's what I'm saying when you, when you're saying, do I enable her, you don't really enable her unless it's a real flat.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because if it's something that you don't see as a red flag, it's not going to hinder you in doing, letting her know this is this is how this is what this look like this will we got going on just to appease because because one thing about people bro me and women children, nobody is ever going operate at a hundred percent.
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 15:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: So understanding the things that you know what?
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can live with that without feeling like that's controlling me.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: See the red flags are the things that's gonna feel like man, I feel a little bit controlled, man, cause you know what I'm saying?
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: I get this echo just, let me slide a piece in there cause I can relate.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: What I mean is my wife,
• 15:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, she, she, no, I feel this way.
• 15:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: My opinion of my wife's personality is she's a control free to a next day.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: Not to the point of it's a rear-flay.
• 16:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: But to the point that to me and my personality it's an aggravation.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 16:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: So we're constantly working through that.
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: So again, saying scenario, she often wants to know as much detail about a thing as possible.
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: And sometimes I'm just,
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: You my sound and bored as well.
• 16:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: So if I come home and say, man, today I had this go on and it really frustrated me.
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: She go into problem solve mode.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, see this what you could do.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: I didn't ask for a solution.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that's not to diminish who you are.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: Your problem solving skills.
• 16:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: But that's not to diminish my either.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like I'm trying to have a conversation with you about it or this upcoming thing.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going into this
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: She won't interview me, almost like she needs to approve my business plan.
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that's frustrating to me because the background and how I've moved in the past, I've had to learn to include because this is my wife, this affects us both.
• 17:12
  [SPEAKER_03]: I do need to have an open conversation, so you're aware of what we're doing.
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: But sometimes the extra detail it leads me to ask in the moment, what you're going to do with that information?
• 17:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: And so if you can't, and I learned that from my uncle, if a person's asking you a question, and you feel like there's a nosey people question, ask them, respectfully, what you're going to do with that information?
• 17:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: And if they are responses, I just want to know.
• 17:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now we're dipping into the the aggravation portion of it because if you're like, hey, I just want to.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: It'll ease my mind.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: It'll help me feel more secure about the decision we're about to make.
• 17:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
• 17:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, you have a valid reason for asking that question.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's a discussion we can absolutely have right now about that because you need more clarity for your comfort, say, for us to be on the same page with making this decision.
• 18:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if you just want to know for the sake of wanting to know, so that you don't feel like,
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I just feel left out because I don't know everything about it.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but why do you need to know that there's two people that have a tire plough like how you keep getting all these brand new tires on the trailer?
• 18:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Let's know overhead involved.
• 18:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: So we know it's not costing the company in the money.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: I feel like that's a justified response to that question, but she'll be like.
• 18:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, no, like where did they come from?
• 18:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like how do you get them?
• 18:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, we're on time number 12 and you still have, oh, easy.
• 18:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now, what you're going to do with that information?
• 18:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: So red flag?
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_03]: No, aggravation.
• 18:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's a fine line, but because I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bath water.
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like you said, Red Flag, like, how you trying to get this information and control me and dominate me.
• 18:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: And now that's going to conflict with who I am as a man and as a husband as a future father.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: I have to, I have to review that.
• 19:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to allow you to play with me like that.
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: But Jay Black, you, you say in the right words, because if, if, if, if we agree that you don't need to know that information, you just want to know that information.
• 19:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I'm saying?
• 19:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that's how you really come back.
• 19:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: That, man, my mama liked that.
• 19:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 19:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like shit.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like my wife, you don't need to know that.
• 19:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And respectfully, I'm not gonna give you that information because it's not something that you need.
• 19:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: You just wanna know the information, especially in certain windows, right?
• 19:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 19:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: If I'm frustrated and you just want some information,
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm probably ain't got problems.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Probably ain't gonna give it to you.
• 19:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: But again, on us understanding each other, you know what I'm saying?
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, I understand the game, just one side.
• 19:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, on us understanding each other, you gotta know like listen man, I can't control them in this situation because I don't need that information.
• 20:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: With Reggie's last point, what's taking is what my mind was kind of floating, the entire conversation, this last portion of it,
• 20:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: was understanding when I asked you about like the why she is like that, even with the even with the aggravation point, I'm, I can see that that's a real feeling I've had to look at me as like why am I aggravated about it though.
• 20:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the same thing I'm asking you to ask about her, I find myself having to ask more recently, which was earlier, more
• 20:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why am I, I can answer it for me?
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, go ahead.
• 20:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, if you, cause if you can't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: There have been times with that extra question, save me a lesson, and I realized that I believe I have thought of everything.
• 21:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you asked me about something, I haven't thought of, I opened it, benefit.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I will go into a situation having known so much, having thought so much through a thing that
• 21:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: I, I dare you, you, this is airtight, you know, it, it, it'd be a small thing like, did you, I have to be mindful now to turn my, my frustration into a thing.
• 21:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's really not hurt.
• 21:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's all I'm saying.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just coming from a place where it's for the sake of, for the sake of, I'm with you.
• 22:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's a conversation to have.
• 22:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm still at a point where I can only say the same thing so many different ways.
• 22:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're saying that.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_04]: So then I'm going to come up with my ambition, scares the hell out of it.
• 22:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, just like most people that I've been around right my ambition makes them feel like eventually I'm going to continue.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to outgrow them.
• 22:22
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm on going to leave So that's the thing we had a conversation.
• 22:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's a wild bag you said She could be thinking these five things.
• 22:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: I've only been saying I won't these two
• 22:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It kind of, that was public, that was a public opposite.
• 22:41
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, that was, it was, it was kind of, it was kind of one of them things.
• 22:49
  [SPEAKER_04]: Like, I ain't saying I don't want to include you, but I know when you're doing the thing.
• 22:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: I got you there.
• 22:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: Do you, do you, do you?
• 22:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: What verb is you use and when you're speaking on this ambition, though?
• 23:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because if you like, who I'm about to?
• 23:03
  [SPEAKER_04]: Then I'm on.
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: Okay, DJ, I asked me about the business we started.
• 23:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yes.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_04]: When we started the business, I'm thinking future.
• 23:11
  [SPEAKER_04]: When I bring it to her, I know it's so how much money needs to be spent, the wedding is coming up.
• 23:19
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm still thinking future.
• 23:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: We.
• 23:22
  [SPEAKER_04]: So we have in this conversation, but I've been round of a two years.
• 23:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: I know in the inside, she probably thinking,
• 23:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: She still whipped me, but it scared her before the wedding.
• 23:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: It scared her.
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_04]: But I'm saying, this is me thinking after I do.
• 23:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: But when you also surrounded by people, family members, friends or whoever who might hit me, what, before the wedding, nobody has had that level of ambition.
• 24:00
  [SPEAKER_04]: Now you ask me to turn off a piece of me that's actually
• 24:06
  [SPEAKER_04]: and sometimes I'm like, and then conversations, I'm feeling controlled.
• 24:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is she asking you to turn it off?
• 24:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or she still just doesn't understand.
• 24:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: You know how women body language and things can be said, can then send you a way to think.
• 24:18
  [SPEAKER_04]: I love her to deal.
• 24:19
  [SPEAKER_04]: So she could, it's a look, just like my mama, it's a look.
• 24:23
  [SPEAKER_04]: There is something about her that just lets me know, she don't like the money easy with this time.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I,
• 24:31
  [SPEAKER_04]: will shut down the man in me to make that hard decision based on how she feel.
• 24:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's an answer, bro.
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: I promise you, as D. John's talking, as you talking, as they black talking, the answer to everything even what you was talking about is that it's manhood.
• 24:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: It chips, that's the male ego that's getting aggravated.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's the male ego that's getting frustrated with
• 24:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: people not understanding your level of ambition, bro.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's the, all of us have it to wear the same thing that just happened before we started to show.
• 25:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you asked these young, like, maybe you checked everything that's down the third.
• 25:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: If that's our wives, the male ego going kick in, be like, me, why you ask my guy to come to control?
• 25:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I do this.
• 25:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: You, you see, I'm saying the same thing with you.
• 25:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: If me and you talking about the same, if me and you got the building we're about to do in this down the third,
• 25:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: the male ego understands that level of ambition.
• 25:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: It ain't going to cause me the same fear that it's going to cause your old lady.
• 25:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: But for us, when anything chips away at that male ego, that's when you see that aggravation go up, that's when you see that irritation coming, that's we see that frustration coming in because and especially when you talk about matters at a heart and we talked about this a few weeks ago, see somebody who got a certain level of your heart,
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: the same level of belief and devotion and like not love is a different thing.
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: That don't mean that don't mean she's gonna she gonna go all in with her heart but with her brain she's still like, hold on bro we got this wedding we got this going on we got that going on
• 26:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: And a lot of times, bro, we don't recognize in that moment, like, man, I just need to turn down the ego a little bit.
• 26:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because again, it ain't even necessarily that she don't believe in you, it ain't necessarily that the people around her don't believe in.
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: They just don't have, like you said, the same ambition, and they don't have the logic around that ambition.
• 26:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: you disturb you describing my control, my submission to somebody else's fear, that's not ego to me.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, no, I'm not telling you, then J.
• 26:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't get it wrong.
• 26:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not, I'm not telling you to submit to it.
• 26:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm telling you how to understand.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, yeah, you're for sure, for sure, for sure.
• 26:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, no, I'm not saying to do anything different.
• 26:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm just saying, like, listen,
• 27:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm just really telling you how to categorize.
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 27:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: So therefore, you're not even listening to them outside of voices, you're not listening.
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: You ain't even really that disturbed about her body language.
• 27:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because what happens in the future, bro, after about the fifth time, mm-hmm.
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: She witchy.
• 27:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: She witchy, she like, man, I don't see this.
• 27:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't see this movie ten time.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: But we own number 10.
• 27:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, but you all number 10, pre-marriage.
• 27:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: You said two years, two, two.
• 27:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And think about what the wedding means to her, versus what the wedding means to you.
• 27:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I don't care, you can be on a male team about a wedding.
• 27:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you still only own a female, two.
• 27:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said you said two years and all of this talk is coming from 20 plus years of experience of being on the other side of being in the marriage the wedding is
• 28:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: This ain't gonna go over where the wedding is a low barometer, come on.
• 28:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: The wedding is darned here for everybody else.
• 28:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you'll rewatch a wedding to experience it.
• 28:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: In most cases, you spent 36 years understanding you before you met her.
• 28:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: We don't say her, he's, I don't know, but she spent that amount of time understanding and being hurt.
• 28:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's why I kind of framed the question in the beginning, you're so far into it.
• 28:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you're convinced about you at 25.
• 28:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was kind of certain about me, but what did I know?
• 28:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's 25.
• 28:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: 20 years later, I got some data and I got some, yup, that was, that was me night.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was actually you and we can have conversations about you.
• 28:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have everything right now.
• 28:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I do is based on what you, what you've experienced at that point, marriage is based on what you believe were happening after.
• 29:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Biggest thing stood out that Rhea said was belief in devotion.
• 29:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: And as I, as I play in my mind, the difference in the two of, when I present something, like when I'm, when I'm, when I'm in the past have been all go on my own, just like D. John said, I've not already said
• 29:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: and I've picked it apart to a point where tonight's a goal.
• 29:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: So at the point that I say it's a goal, anything that pops up that's a hiccup, I cross that bridge when I get to it, because I'm going fix it, because we are all in, it's a move, as I am made.
• 29:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: However, when I presented to my wife and your first stracer,
• 29:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: And she's like, that's just don't make sense to me, that the ball my blood, but she's just, I get it.
• 29:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: The truth is the truth, and then just like he said, when she pointed out that needle in the haystack.
• 29:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: What did you consider that, the zoning?
• 30:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like I was about to grab this building and run a car dealership.
• 30:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: I meant for me to get my dealers license, so I can do this.
• 30:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is at a whole, I went found the building, found this, found this, it's its own for cars over there.
• 30:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why you can't just eat like this right when you go I'm a zone I'm a zone and I'm a zone I'm a feeling if I act I'm just can't grab your pump on It's up on the wagon to be like we feel here this thing let's go baby let's go
• 30:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: I looked into it and it wasn't zoned for what she was absolutely right.
• 30:39
  [SPEAKER_03]: But in the moment that male ego and pride, which is a drug, it set me off that, and still you just going along to get along in the moment, celebrate with me for a second, your mind
• 30:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: What did you consider the numbers?
• 30:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: The background, we'll critique that thing to death because of how we typically run the ship and the businesses.
• 31:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now when they do it, it'd be like, you don't even do this, yeah, but the thing that I do do, I know to ask certain courses that speak to them,
• 31:15
  [SPEAKER_03]: which is why they joined that show here.
• 31:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: Now that that's an extra set of eyes, that's an extra set of ears, that's a second brain to where now I didn't think of that.
• 31:26
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now I have to be, even if I have to be receptive enough to hear it, I still may say, hey, because to your point of getting the jump, if I'm so dead set and concrete built on how tight this is,
• 31:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: Come on talk to me about it.
• 31:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: There's nothing you can throw at it to shake it.
• 31:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's just like when people be like, I don't mind talking to other religions when they want to come talk.
• 31:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: Foundation would be my foundation so tight.
• 31:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't, I don't shun any conversation that come at me because you can't rock me off my square.
• 32:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: However, people that be like, no, I don't have them kind of conversations with nobody.
• 32:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: How solid are you in your foundation then?
• 32:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't care who you are.
• 32:11
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't care what your title is.
• 32:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: You can't move me.
• 32:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: So it's the sign with your wife.
• 32:16
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you come to me and you ask me a question, if it's tight, as I think it is, I should welcome the question.
• 32:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: Easier said than done, yet it look good in front of these cameras, but it really ball my blood.
• 32:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 32:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's my grandfather used to tell me all the time, and this is when I first got married, man.
• 32:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: like, man, nobody wants to be your copilot if you ain't going to ever let them fly.
• 32:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Oh, you know what I'm saying?
• 32:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, and that's the thing that's hard about the male ego, that's the thing that's hard about who we are, you know what I'm saying, especially with a extraordinary entrepreneur spirit.
• 32:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bro, again, my wife and my kids, man, my wife for maybe a couple of years seeing me work for somebody, but my kid is my kid is going to be 20 years old.
• 33:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: They ain't never seen me work for nobody, they just think business is just magically just...
• 33:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean, doing this, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_04]: You said, y'all let your copilot fly.
• 33:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: What if your copilot is in need of rate?
• 33:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: Is intoxicated?
• 33:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I'm going to use intoxication as trauma.
• 33:58
  [SPEAKER_04]: There are certain things.
• 34:00
  [SPEAKER_04]: Everybody in here know about the woman they come from.
• 34:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: Cause that's where I'm at.
• 34:06
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 34:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: It ain't, I don't, I don't mind you flying.
• 34:11
  [SPEAKER_04]: But let's get to the rule of what these things are, so you can fly straight though.
• 34:16
  [SPEAKER_04]: I got to retrain you.
• 34:17
  [SPEAKER_04]: If I got to sit in my lap, I got to retrain.
• 34:19
  [SPEAKER_04]: What are some things if you are willing to, that you know
• 34:24
  [SPEAKER_04]: over time you've watched, you know there's a specific thing that come from your parents, they come from your upbringing, they come from, and I can't continue to enable where that came from.
• 34:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: You said that a few times, man, and I'm glad you said it the way you said it, because you also had to step on in the choice to do that.
• 34:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Good, you feel strongly about a good.
• 34:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I
• 35:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: My wife and my mother-in-law have so much in common now that they live here at this love of the maturity, and it's not about bad that it came from that I'm like, that's what it is.
• 35:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's not that it's accepted in enabling it's now I know how to frame it at least in
• 35:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Before it's just frustration, you're doing this thing.
• 35:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I told you I don't like this thing.
• 35:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: You keep doing this thing.
• 35:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you keep doing this thing, knowing I don't like it now, now you're aiming at me.
• 35:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So who ain't gonna fire back?
• 36:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: We start to understand like, you're gonna spend the money, the funny thing is, you're gonna spend the rest of your life law willing to learning this person.
• 36:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's not a today answer about what you're gonna know 10 years from now.
• 36:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: It wouldn't even be fun that way.
• 36:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there are things that may come up in her because of Mary's because she's never been in one.
• 36:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it'll reach back into what she saw when she was 14.
• 36:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: But nothing has ever triggered that before because she's not in this, she's now in this committee relations.
• 36:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like all these things, after I do you are as ready as you want to be.
• 36:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was as ready as I wanted to be tears and all after I do something change.
• 36:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was like wait a minute.
• 36:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like the weight.
• 36:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: What happened?
• 36:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like whoa.
• 36:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh no.
• 36:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, I still want this, but my jeez, like it's all of these things that I signed up for, you don't realize and until you start the job, like it is, it's theory right now.
• 37:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just like we talked about counseling, most people go to counseling after they propose.
• 37:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So you go to counseling a confirm that y'all agreed to what wasn't pre-counsel.
• 37:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: So does it even work?
• 37:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I like how y'all, you know, I know your situation and how and take y'all a word, but I'm just giving you my lens and bro.
• 37:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I mean, I wish I knew the name of this book, but I'm gonna get it for you.
• 37:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: But the mean require respect.
• 37:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: women require love, right?
• 37:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: So if your co-potted has a thing that keeps you from loving her the way she wants to be love, that's what'll change that thing.
• 37:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not for not just by you identifying it, that's not going to change the thing.
• 37:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if you tell her again, man, the reason why I can't let you fly is because you, that thing, right there, same thing with respect.
• 37:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: If you're doing the thing that keeps her from respecting you, she got to be able to say, like, listen, man, Joe, I need you to tweak this thing because that's why I'm still.
• 38:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: not respecting you like you say you want to be respected.
• 38:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I'm saying?
• 38:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: So and a lot of times we will look at it kind of one side.
• 38:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 38:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like man, it's just the she on do this and she on do that like yeah, but the mirror is on us too.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because whatever level of respect and honor that you desire from your wife, you have to
• 38:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: All of us come in with with with at least one bag if not 50 50 I got 50 so so if if we not all working to one pack our bags
• 38:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we waiting on each other to unpack back.
• 38:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's where you're going to see, man, everybody got an upbring and everybody got a trauma.
• 39:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Everybody got strongholds.
• 39:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Everybody got ups and downs.
• 39:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: But when you're talking about somebody that I'm saying, I'm going to commit this covenant in this covenant too.
• 39:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's not about fixing them.
• 39:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's about encouraging them to fix themselves.
• 39:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: I agree.
• 39:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Man, Jim Wong, don't want to cast out listen to a lot too.
• 39:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Jim Wong said the philosophy should be, I'm going to work on me for you if you work on you for me.
• 39:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And bro, I promise you, like, it's that ain't the philosophy.
• 39:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: You, you meant I spent a lot of time and I might not even need to be saying this.
• 39:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've spent a lot of time in trying to fix my wife.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And bro, it, it, it, it, again, and then even from a spiritual standpoint,
• 40:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've spent a lot of time only looking at my wife as my wife instead of God's daughter.
• 40:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like see some work ain't for me.
• 40:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Just because I'm your husband and just because we going through this thing and we to make some kids that steal his daughter.
• 40:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: So it's still some daddy work got to be done.
• 40:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Not husband work.
• 40:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: And vice versa.
• 40:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's still some daddy work got to be done with me.
• 40:24
  [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.
• 40:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: That she can fix, but if the, and I'm telling you this, bro, on air, I would don't spend a minute trying to fix your old lady.
• 40:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't spend one second trying to fix your old lady, bro.
• 40:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: It definitely don't say that horribly that trying to fix them.
• 40:45
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can honestly say I'm not trying to fix it.
• 40:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: This conversation is about one specific thing.
• 40:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: Don't fix it literally.
• 40:52
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's one specific thing that she won't confront.
• 40:56
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I ain't trying to force that.
• 40:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know when it's hindering us for growth, but now you just say what it is, bro, that's the thing that's going to cause her to deal with the thing that's hard to deal with is because I do want this relationship to flourish.
• 41:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I do, especially man, if it's ever
• 41:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
• 41:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: So once you start really working in massage in that heart muscle man, you're gonna see some things bro that it just changed like that.
• 41:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's dope that I always say you have so far where you are, and I know you know it, but man, just the level of intentionality that you have going into this marriage.
• 42:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I see that it bothers you, but I don't even think it's a negative thing.
• 42:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think you want it, you want it to be on the other side.
• 42:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: So bad that it's like, let's, let's, let's, can we get there and you will get there?
• 42:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll look back on that five years later, it may, it may be some other, like, it'll be a thing on the bus, y'all are signing up to do life together and as a whole lot of figuring things out.
• 42:25
  [SPEAKER_04]: Thank you.
• 42:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: you will, you will know very quickly that you haven't figured you out.
• 42:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what the over on the is.
• 42:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: We want to push a number of songs in here, but like when after I do, because I know you serious about marriage, there's going to be some things reveal to you that you got to do the, the daddy word that he was talking about like those things.
• 42:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know that there's a guideline or the sub principles that I can give you a this collective of anybody that can actually give you that will substitute for what you're about the experience.
• 43:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's not saying to be scared, it's a beautiful thing if you're open to seeing who you really are.
• 43:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
• 43:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're on the roller coaster.
• 43:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: All of us can get on the same roller coaster and take in and have a different ride.
• 43:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 43:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: You don't like when to go up slow.
• 43:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't like when to come down.
• 43:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: Say you don't like when to go up side down.
• 43:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Do you don't like waiting in the line?
• 43:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: We all got on the same right, but had a different experience, man.
• 43:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's the beauty of marriage and fatherhood and entrepreneurship and business.
• 43:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 43:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bro, we can give you
• 43:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: all the tools and the tricks of the trade and what we've learned in relationships or in fatherhood or in whatever it is, bro.
• 43:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: But the thing is, just like you can give me all the tricks of
• 43:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: social media or, you know, whatever the case may be, bro, like being 38, you know what I'm saying?
• 44:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm looking at it like, man, how do I do all that stuff Joe T doing?
• 44:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: And this doesn't.
• 44:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you can give me all the game in the world, bro and don't none other work for them.
• 44:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 44:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I have to experience that thing for myself and marriage is different because we are all married to four different women.
• 44:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 44:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've never worked on that bottle.
• 44:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 44:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 44:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what I do.
• 44:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't need a wrench.
• 44:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know where it goes.
• 44:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: I work on electricity.
• 44:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a plumbing problem.
• 44:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 44:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: That thing leaking, I don't know what to do.
• 44:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: But that's the beauty bro of being in a space where we're.
• 44:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: we truly are trying to make each other better together.
• 44:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 44:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because individually, we can all accomplish a lot.
• 44:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: We don't all have, we have accomplished a lot individually.
• 44:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
• 44:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: But God has aligned things to say, like, man, let's see what these cats can do collectively.
• 44:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's in everything, man.
• 44:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like I'm looking forward to y'all marriages, much as anything, man, because I love to see a young couple.
• 45:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: who can be vulnerable enough to say, listen man, we're gonna succeed and fail together.
• 45:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: Facts.
• 45:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 45:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's gonna be the beauty of everything.
• 45:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: Whatever little thing is bothering you, well, man, like man, that thing gonna be so beautiful because you're gonna look back on it and say man, that thing in the name matter.
• 45:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.
• 45:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: And a lot of the things that you're gonna get in a put dressing,
• 45:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: is going to be time-based.
• 45:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: I know you have a certain amount of time together, but the time in your union under the same roof and on the same page, you're basically going to be
• 45:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: this word now going to be received well in the world, but y'all trying in each other.
• 45:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 45:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's absolutely.
• 45:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: So good.
• 45:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: We're going to have any is as I move like this.
• 45:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: She going to be like, okay, when I don't go to care like this, he, he's receptive in this way.
• 46:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: When I act this way, he gets a little dry and detached.
• 46:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: So she's going to start to adjust.
• 46:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: And as she adjust, and you respond accordingly to the
• 46:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: the bail ringing or the whistle blowing or the advice versus when when you start to act this way and I move this way okay now when I'm gonna give her two more little tidbits of information or engagement that she's seeking and then you may fall in love with the response you get like
• 46:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: I like that and I'm a slater too low-biscuit.
• 46:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's always the same thing.
• 46:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
• 46:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see what I mean?
• 46:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see what I mean?
• 46:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see what I mean?
• 46:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see what I mean?
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see what I mean?
• 46:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: You see what I mean?
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
• 46:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: You see what I
• 46:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: We want to show up day after the wedding.
• 47:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like, hey, this is my idea of what this marriage is going to be and what it looks like.
• 47:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it's going to be strong and productive.
• 47:07
  [SPEAKER_03]: Get to it, they say it do it.
• 47:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
• 47:21
  [SPEAKER_03]: five years from now, y'all might be like that.
• 47:24
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's blank.
• 47:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, I don't want that, I get no more.
• 47:28
  [SPEAKER_03]: Neither one of you.
• 47:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: So again, the joy, like they say, enjoy the ride and the change of it because it's gonna get there.
• 47:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: You have to believe it's gonna get there.
• 47:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you're both want it to get there, you're gonna do the work, but it's gonna be work and that sounds, sometimes that discourage people like me, and see what I'm talking about.
• 47:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: You will have somebody jump in these comments.
• 47:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: We've said it.
• 47:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm never getting married.
• 47:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: You hit this crap.
• 47:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: You got to have to tear him out of work they're doing and coercing and convincing.
• 48:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's the whole human being over there, man.
• 48:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: It was like, you don't know what it takes to make me tick.
• 48:06
  [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know what it takes to make you tick.
• 48:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: I learned some things.
• 48:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I liked the responses that I got from some of the things that I've learned in the short time I've had with you in vice versa.
• 48:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: your culture shot to her and her family.
• 48:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: Like you say for you to jump out and go, I'm gonna start this business right now.
• 48:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: They're like, well, we're not going to have to do it.
• 48:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's culture shot.
• 48:29
  [SPEAKER_03]: Perhaps that's not how y'all would have done it.
• 48:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is I a role?
• 48:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: She noted about me or she wouldn't be here.
• 48:35
  [SPEAKER_03]: She noted about me already as an easy, as it made maker.
• 48:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: She didn't that thing though?
• 48:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: She's trust me.
• 48:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: We've all dated less than what we ended up with.
• 48:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: And apparently that just didn't work for me.
• 48:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because I'm not over there.
• 48:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: I'm over there.
• 48:52
  [SPEAKER_04]: No.
• 48:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Is it what I mean?
• 48:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 48:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm going to let it be discouraged and I'll break it.
• 48:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: But you don't ever do this.
• 48:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: Don't lose yourself trying to be who you think that person wants you to be.
• 49:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was hoping you I was not going to let you move off the training piece because that's the other side of that coin.
• 49:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're training her how to treat you too.
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
• 49:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think we over
• 49:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I haven't spoken to all of me and so I won't talk about that.
• 49:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know I overlooked the importance of that.
• 49:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: So when something did frustrate me, I wouldn't say anything about it.
• 49:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And this was rubbing me a certain way.
• 49:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I thought the move was just taking on the chin and then taking on the chin turned in the resentment.
• 49:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's again, that scoreboard comes up.
• 49:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's not the score you want to keep.
• 49:32
  [SPEAKER_05]: Right.
• 49:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I had nobody to blame for myself to get years in.
• 49:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: would ever set up enough about a thing that was always small in her mind.
• 49:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: But them small deposits compounded interest over years was a big thing for me that I just didn't say anything about.
• 49:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Joe, let me ask you a question, bro, um, do you feel like, and I'm playing devil's advocate a little bit, do you feel like, um, your level
• 50:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: is in any way a trauma response to losing time in the penitentiary.
• 50:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: And do you think your wife might look at it as such?
• 50:22
  [SPEAKER_04]: In the beginning, yes, I've did a lot of healing.
• 50:26
  [SPEAKER_04]: In the last year and the half two years, and I enjoyed doing what I'm doing.
• 50:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: I just hate that I don't have the people that I want her to share with.
• 50:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I do still have an ambition.
• 50:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: of not from prison, but coming up with nothing.
• 50:45
  [SPEAKER_04]: You know, my people still don't have nothing.
• 50:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: I sold dope with ambition because we didn't have nothing.
• 50:51
  [SPEAKER_04]: You know, going to prison and coming home and seeing the condition is still the same.
• 50:55
  [SPEAKER_04]: Just intensified my ambition.
• 50:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: So now I don't.
• 51:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: And what was the other end of the question about her?
• 51:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, how do you think she views your ambition?
• 51:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: Does she?
• 51:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: I guess I'm asking the she think it's trying to make up time or it's just genuinely we trying to make some out of none.
• 51:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I really don't know.
• 51:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just can tell when I'm on 10, she wears it.
• 51:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can tell it's for lack of better words.
• 51:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can tell she feels intimidated because I'm
• 51:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: eight and nine things at once and I feel like she thinks he's just going and I understand and know her so well this for I'm good I promise you whether you got the advice I need right now the business perspective you think I may want from you right now the have you
• 52:08
  [SPEAKER_04]: I know you well enough to just, you could just, but you could, I know you're here, don't feel intimidated, don't feel insecure, don't feel like we're this far apart, I don't need a hundred things, I don't need you comparing this and he needs a partner to let me be me.
• 52:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: this is what I do because I do think she know at this point, if it's heavy, I'm gonna say, man, I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say exactly what I need in that time, and it might just be a foot drug.
• 52:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's really why I'm asking, man, just because it's really beneficial to know her perspective on your ambition.
• 52:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm saying that's gonna take away any of the fear or anxiety that she has behind it.
• 53:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Um, because I know for me, bro, sometimes my ambition and my vision, because I can see things that, that a lot of people can see, including my wife, um, sometimes if I don't stop
• 53:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't even want to ask, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
• 53:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is what this is what the space going to be.
• 53:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is what, you know what I'm saying?
• 53:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like my wife still asks me almost every week, like man, what's the width?
• 53:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: What's going on with the bob shot?
• 53:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: What the bob shot?
• 53:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like listen, but again, pro perspective also is important in that space, too.
• 54:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's really why I ask, man, because
• 54:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think it's important for you to know how your wife sees your ambition.
• 54:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because even if she thinks you're overly ambitious, you need to know that.
• 54:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: So that's the part that you can say like, listen man, this is I'm not being overly ambitious.
• 54:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing me.
• 54:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Or I am, but that's what I am.
• 54:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Or I am.
• 54:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Or again, but see if y'all never really had a conversation to really understand what's causing her fear in that space.
• 54:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: then again, you'll be 10 years from now, and still not have a clear understanding of what the fear is based on.
• 54:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that goes back to the pilot thing too.
• 54:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like man, if you're all ready to get up there, and never really tell you, like man, I'm scared of heights.
• 54:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know that's why I'm drunk that's why I'm scared of I'm making this You know that's real thing and you need y'all to be y'all ten years into the relationship Like you think it on his plane for ten years Yeah, you had no idea and I said you scared of you scared of you scared of heights.
• 55:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: How dope is it that
• 55:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: That she's never had to you, and that's why she doesn't understand you.
• 55:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 55:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, some vice versa.
• 55:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.
• 55:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: How dope is that?
• 55:29
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's it's it.
• 55:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: I have the best woman.
• 55:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: I have the dopest woman.
• 55:34
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, like family.
• 55:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: Like I do it my woman.
• 55:38
  [SPEAKER_04]: Like I love my woman.
• 55:39
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
• 55:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: We have a, we're still getting to know each other.
• 55:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's culture like I guess you can say culture side on both ends of how we operate in certain spaces.
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 55:52
  [SPEAKER_04]: You know what I'm saying?
• 55:53
  [SPEAKER_04]: I just know in this space, they don't, don't.
• 55:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: overtaking them like I'm just I'm in that in that space, you know what I'm just in that space Well the process makes us like, uh, if you've seen something away like your vibe Right, if you've seen something away you said just you've answered all your questions You said we were you came here you were looking at the cup was like, how the y'all why are you?
• 56:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted it
• 56:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right, and she probably wants to trust you when Clinton, not trust is wrong.
• 56:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: She probably wants to understand and be comfortable with who you are.
• 56:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's quite possible, quite possible she's not trying to change who you are.
• 56:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's that she, this is so different.
• 56:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've always gone that way.
• 56:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know that way.
• 56:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Nah, do we all go to the state and we go down there and we'll go around?
• 56:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll still get to the stadium.
• 56:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: But until you go that way with me and enough, you're going to keep going down in the ground because that's what you know.
• 56:59
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I'm honestly enough to say, I'm weak for her in areas.
• 57:04
  [SPEAKER_04]: There's a 50 pound bag that sometimes can make me not make decisions.
• 57:11
  [SPEAKER_04]: I need you to drop that one.
• 57:13
  [SPEAKER_04]: I need you to drop that one because I don't say now.
• 57:18
  [SPEAKER_04]: And I hate feeling that.
• 57:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just, yeah, but instead of again, no, you said you'll say, no, yeah, and that's the, that's the seed I resent me is that you think you're conceited and something that maybe you really don't have to.
• 57:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 57:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And if you stack, if you string enough of them together,
• 57:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: and it is going to happen.
• 57:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: What you're doing now is the with the with the hauling service bro, you are you are making the y'all are making the perfect move by doing it together.
• 57:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 57:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because y'all are going to get to see things even for me and my old lady that we've never gotten to see because you know my old lady is super traditional.
• 58:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 58:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that's just who she is, bro.
• 58:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I love her for that.
• 58:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: But in your all space and in a lot of the concerns that you have right now that a lot of the concerns that she might have,
• 58:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Just imagine, bro, after y'all built a multi-million dollar business, man.
• 58:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Doll, it puts all that to be.
• 58:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: It puts every single, now y'all have a multi-million dollar conversations around entrepreneurship or around what's next.
• 58:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: So what we're going to do because now I'm not going to question the same things I questioned before we started this big.
• 58:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: Do you know what I'm saying?
• 58:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: The level of trust is going to come with that thing.
• 58:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 58:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: And here's what you're going to look up, but you're going to be like, what is this?
• 58:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: Ooh.
• 58:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: Why would you want to just say, you know we're going to choose two times to a right now?
• 58:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: They man.
• 59:00
  [SPEAKER_03]: We're like, what?
• 59:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 59:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
• 59:13
  [SPEAKER_03]: If I was when my wife met me, I went to the office and it was, because it's go mode.
• 59:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and she'd be like, I haven't met it.
• 59:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: You feel like I'm gonna do?
• 59:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: But now, now when she see it, so you know, we can pile that on top of that and double-stack it.
• 59:31
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
• 59:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's what you get that from.
• 59:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Which one is that John Vanderbilt?
• 1:00:01
  [SPEAKER_04]: It's been beautiful, buildin' it, buildin' it together so far, man.
• 1:00:06
  [SPEAKER_04]: Man, you said something wild ago, man.
• 1:00:07
  [SPEAKER_04]: If people say, that's why I never get married.
• 1:00:09
  [SPEAKER_04]: I can't understand people having that message.
• 1:00:12
  [SPEAKER_04]: Don't they should?
• 1:00:12
  [SPEAKER_04]: Those people should not.
• 1:00:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: They should not get married.
• 1:00:15
  [SPEAKER_04]: Okay.
• 1:00:16
  [SPEAKER_04]: Before I even said, can I often try to encourage them people, man?
• 1:00:18
  [SPEAKER_04]: You know, if you would never, if you would never don't.
• 1:00:23
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you can't get outside of yourself.
• 1:00:25
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's what that is.
• 1:00:27
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's a person that's so dead set on.
• 1:00:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: You have people that are absolutely content with saying, I never want kids.
• 1:00:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: I never want to sacrifice.
• 1:00:37
  [SPEAKER_03]: I never want to put anything before me.
• 1:00:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: I keep hearing all these parents say, man, my kids come first, I got to enter them because they have an experience that and not willing to,
• 1:00:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: dead in my heart of hearts.
• 1:00:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: I won't be before everything.
• 1:00:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: I won't be above all in any.
• 1:01:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: And that's okay for you to feel that way for you.
• 1:01:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: If that's your thing, I'm not condemning people that say, Parenthood is not for me.
• 1:01:09
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's fine.
• 1:01:10
  [SPEAKER_03]: I respect that more so than a person that becomes a parent and despise their children and the click their children for the sake of this Parenthood.
• 1:01:17
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's what it's for.
• 1:01:18
  [SPEAKER_03]: I need to get 18 and get to heck up outta here.
• 1:01:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: You know, you just hear something, bro.
• 1:01:24
  [SPEAKER_04]: No, I missed majority of my daughter life.
• 1:01:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: I went in and she was four years old.
• 1:01:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: I come on and she was 14.
• 1:01:30
  [SPEAKER_04]: And then I moved down here.
• 1:01:31
  [SPEAKER_04]: So of course, naturally, I want to say, I would have denied myself for my daughter, right?
• 1:01:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: Baby is the first person.
• 1:01:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: Man, we own it.
• 1:01:43
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, that we had to do it.
• 1:01:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: Fabulous.
• 1:01:47
  [SPEAKER_04]: Very person.
• 1:01:48
  [SPEAKER_04]: I have to do.
• 1:01:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, because you might not have been bro, we all have some level of narcissism in us.
• 1:01:54
  [SPEAKER_04]: Let's show.
• 1:01:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: Every every one of us bro, and if you, and if that's the thing you feed,
• 1:02:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:02:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because again, man, even when it comes to hustling or when it comes to the streets or when it comes to, you know, trying to get some.
• 1:02:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And this is what I tell people about the sacrifices of fatherhood, bro.
• 1:02:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: We see a lot of people, man.
• 1:02:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't care whether Shannon Sharp, you know, it's a Stephen A. Smith, a lot of cats who, who sacrificed.
• 1:02:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: their relationship with the with their with their children for whatever reason trying to get to it and you know poverty to do it and and you know all that stuff will make you but just like they just said I will respect you more if you didn't have kids.
• 1:02:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:02:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't think nobody should come out here and and plan to see to neglect it.
• 1:02:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: For whatever reason you can
• 1:02:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: The biggest thing about the sacrificial part of it, bro, is we have to understand if that's not what you sign enough for, whether it be marriage, whether it be fatherhood, whether it be entrepreneurship, if you not sign enough for the sacrificial part of it, bro.
• 1:03:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: then you're gonna get called and one of them, them lanes where man, you know, I think that I was on the call and just a short story.
• 1:03:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And the cat was talking about because he grew up in a single parent, a single parent, home with his mom and then poverty like man, nothing ever come before my mom and man.
• 1:03:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: I can't and bro, you and Tidal do that.
• 1:03:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: don't invite no woman that you call your wife into that though.
• 1:03:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Don't do it, she will understand.
• 1:03:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: I promise you, boom.
• 1:03:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because there's nothing wrong with you saying, listen, nobody will ever be a brother, my mom.
• 1:03:51
  [SPEAKER_03]: And she should not understand that.
• 1:03:53
  [SPEAKER_03]: She shouldn't even try to understand it.
• 1:03:55
  [SPEAKER_03]: Come on.
• 1:03:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: Same vice versa.
• 1:03:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm going to let you off the hook, baby.
• 1:03:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: My dad ain't no man come before my daddy.
• 1:04:02
  [SPEAKER_03]: Well, baby, I can't be yours, but enjoy it.
• 1:04:04
  [SPEAKER_03]: Cause I promise you, if I, if, if an issue hits the table and your first knee jerk response is always, let me call on that's my dad.
• 1:04:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, them days behind, we right here, like, we're about to figure this out.
• 1:04:22
  [SPEAKER_03]: If you, if I suggest something, a plan, and you go behind me, and you go talk to your dad about it,
• 1:04:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: You can call it ego, you can call it pride.
• 1:04:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's a misunderstanding.
• 1:04:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: It is.
• 1:04:34
  [SPEAKER_03]: Because you don't trust me enough on the level that needs to be here, but I should see that while we date him though.
• 1:04:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Or bro, even in the, even in the covenant concept, like bro, the giving away means.
• 1:04:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's mine, she might.
• 1:04:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: The giving away like this man the daddy should understand that that's in the red right like listen man listen You that's in the red right.
• 1:04:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm leaving.
• 1:04:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm giving her away to somebody that I trust to make those It's and Bro it's it's a it's a it's a slippery slope man because because up bringing Is it is is a is a lot of the DNA of a person this But also when you decide
• 1:05:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: to jump the broom, you got to learn how to kill some of the flesh part of you that's still in the nest.
• 1:05:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bro, the nest is a temporary place.
• 1:05:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's what people are understanding about them.
• 1:05:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: They don't know adult spells live in the nest either.
• 1:05:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: But you grow up in these communities and these places, bro, where everybody's still in the nest.
• 1:05:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then when you come along and say, like, hold on man, we, I'm not going over there in the nest with y'all.
• 1:05:43
  [SPEAKER_03]: What opinions?
• 1:05:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
• 1:05:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Don't leave that part on because that's what the, the, the, the, the, the, the festering of the misunderstanding begins because now perhaps I helped the issue or something goes on and now they end law.
• 1:05:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: or the parents come all back in the home with the family and now you can't family your family like you would if it was just that nucleus now you have extended family living there as well which is okay however as a grandparent as an in-law
• 1:06:14
  [SPEAKER_03]: bite your tongue, stop, don't do it because you're about to affect that household because you don't know what resentment will start to build in faster than that thing because you think in your offering sound advice, hey man, don't let them do that.
• 1:06:30
  [SPEAKER_03]: Can I say something?
• 1:06:32
  [SPEAKER_03]: That's like what people say.
• 1:06:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: I ain't trying to get into your business, but you're about to get in my business.
• 1:06:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: What I'll do with I'll do respect.
• 1:06:38
  [SPEAKER_03]: So now when they interject, one of those
• 1:06:44
  [SPEAKER_03]: on her.
• 1:06:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: I go, okay, I can't even read my children.
• 1:06:48
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is the touch of the molding I want to put on my children.
• 1:06:52
  [SPEAKER_03]: But every time we're talking, here come your mom, here come your day.
• 1:06:57
  [SPEAKER_03]: Don't talk to me.
• 1:06:58
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I'll go figure it out.
• 1:06:59
  [SPEAKER_03]: That energy, that approach, that becomes an issue.
• 1:07:03
  [SPEAKER_03]: And it may take six months, it may take two years, six years, for that to finally come out.
• 1:07:08
  [SPEAKER_03]: And they had to present me the whole time.
• 1:07:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: True, Lyle J.
• 1:07:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Black, we want to keep the park here.
• 1:07:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: There been a way to be told now, Bob, what?
• 1:07:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: He needs more episodes.
• 1:07:19
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, that's the whole thing.
• 1:07:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, Lisa, she's in a good day.
• 1:07:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know who thinks about that.
• 1:07:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Until you have a reference for that.
• 1:07:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like watching my parents take care of their parents and now my wife and my covenant, me, you know, stepped in and pitching in, seeing where my mom is, is going through like that's where you, that's where you see what the investment yield is.
• 1:07:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: and not to be doom and gloom, but, you know, many of us decline on our way out, right?
• 1:08:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's, to see as many examples as I've seen, manage that phase of life and how it impacts their life, a grant grant mother moving in, my mom and my dad, watching my dad,
• 1:08:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And my grandmother was very opinionated.
• 1:08:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'd be just hurt.
• 1:08:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, it was, it was your wife, the whole thing.
• 1:08:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I got some more so don't like like cheese, old school like that.
• 1:08:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it was it to be divisive, but like you marry all of that.
• 1:08:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mm-hmm.
• 1:08:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think that's what some people don't care to understand is that it be who's you to actually understand their family.
• 1:08:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, but it.
• 1:08:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, but it.
• 1:08:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: your spouse away from that environment.
• 1:08:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: That environment is coming with your own, bro.
• 1:08:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that, whether you duplicated the night that you married that environment.
• 1:09:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, you gotta have a stick of pain.
• 1:09:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know you do, cause it's like I see me.
• 1:09:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: You overcome everything.
• 1:09:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: That makes sense.
• 1:09:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: When you overcome that, your age, bro, you get the privilege of not being infatuated with the ideology of marriage.
• 1:09:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, a lot of times, man.
• 1:09:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: when before you 30 or 35, we, most of us was indoctrinated with the ideology of Mary, or, you know, and again, this, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this ain't no, this
• 1:09:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: Again, this only my advice.
• 1:09:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, take zero ideology into yo, into yo man.
• 1:09:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bro, if it ain't covenant.
• 1:09:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Don't let it come in that thing, man, because there's a lot of people, man, we got platforms, there's huge platforms, man, we got people that, that's out here out here that are giving people advice on based on ideology, man, and fairytale, man, never been, never done the way, man, that's ideology, and I'm not knocking nobody for nothing, right?
• 1:10:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: But if you ain't talking about covenant or what you know, miss me with it, man.
• 1:10:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't care what you call yourself, what platform you're on.
• 1:10:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: How many followers you got?
• 1:10:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: What kind of check it?
• 1:10:27
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.
• 1:10:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like man, you spewing nonsense.
• 1:10:33
  [SPEAKER_03]: Cause it could be perfect on paper.
• 1:10:36
  [SPEAKER_03]: But if you just not yoked with who I am, you know, this is what I'm on.
• 1:10:40
  [SPEAKER_03]: Come on.
• 1:10:41
  [SPEAKER_03]: And this speak to you like, this is what kind of man I need to be around me.
• 1:10:45
  [SPEAKER_03]: This is what kind of woman I need to be around me.
• 1:10:47
  [SPEAKER_03]: And I built on that.
• 1:10:49
  [SPEAKER_03]: I promise you, it's not going to make me.
• 1:10:50
  [SPEAKER_03]: It's going to be a business relationship a partnership is what is going to be roommates.
• 1:10:54
  [SPEAKER_03]: There chasing people together.
• 1:10:56
  [SPEAKER_03]: We got this bread, we got these assets.
• 1:11:01
  [SPEAKER_03]: when I lay my life on the line for, not so much.
• 1:11:05
  [SPEAKER_03]: And when you realize that, that's unfortunate.
• 1:11:09
  [SPEAKER_04]: Man, would you say that?
• 1:11:11
  [SPEAKER_04]: Heavy, heavy conversation, man.
• 1:11:14
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm talking about it here, I want to, I want to, I want to, I got something to say, I want to come on with it.
• 1:11:20
  [SPEAKER_04]: I'm going to do it.
• 1:11:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: Rapping.
• 1:11:21
  [SPEAKER_04]: Close this out, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
• 1:11:28
  [SPEAKER_04]: They said any man who put his hand to the plow and look back and ain't fit for the kingdom.
• 1:11:32
  [SPEAKER_04]: Ain't fit for the kingdom bro.
• 1:11:33
  [SPEAKER_04]: We're talking coming there.
• 1:11:35
  [SPEAKER_04]: You got to understand once you make that decision.
• 1:11:39
  [SPEAKER_04]: I had to do tell me years ago, I was in prison, youngster.
• 1:11:42
  [SPEAKER_04]: He said, you're in decisive.
• 1:11:45
  [SPEAKER_04]: That still sealed me.
• 1:11:46
  [SPEAKER_04]: So no, when I commit, I commit.
• 1:11:50
  [SPEAKER_04]: Put your hands to their plow and you're on the back and get to it.
• 1:11:53
  [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, and you take what and you carry that crowd with you.
• 1:11:56
  [SPEAKER_04]: You carry what come with that.
• 1:11:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's every man because people think that equally yoke is a biblical turn.
• 1:12:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 1:12:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's a farm turn.
• 1:12:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 1:12:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's used as a biblical reference.
• 1:12:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 1:12:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And what you're talking about is see once you put that yoke on that's just the start.
• 1:12:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Once we once we know that we equally yoke.
• 1:12:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 1:12:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's about doing exactly what you now we gotta go to work.
• 1:12:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.
• 1:12:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: See, people is a lot of people understand the plow, the yoke, all of that stuff indicates work.
• 1:12:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: You don't indicate, oh, I got the plow on my hand, oh, we got the yoke on our knee.
• 1:12:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: Go to work, go to work, go to work, because one does impact the other, you can't I do it, come on, I do it.
• 1:12:40
  [SPEAKER_04]: What that being said, as you all can see, we better together, better than come on, bro.
• 1:12:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm blessed to come to see you again.
• 1:12:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let's see, I knew you'd better stop her.