Latest / The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast / Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Transcript

Walking in a Winter Wonderland · The Lesbian Loudmouth Podcast

0:00
Hello, friends. How's it going? Yeah. I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay.
0:08
Yeah. Uh-huh. No, that's cool. Yeah, I'm happy for you. Yeah.
0:12
Yeah. 49 days till spring, so that's great.
0:15
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Me?
0:19
Oh, well, okay. I've got a story I could share with you if you're interested.
0:25
Oh, man. Maybe I should wait till I'm high. I'm not high at all right now.
0:31
Hang on. I'll explain. Okay, just wait. Okay, so picture it.
0:35
Winnipeg, Wednesday, January 28th, 2026.
0:41
It started just like any other morning in my house. I got up. I had a cup of coffee.
0:47
I went out to walk the dog very early.
0:51
It's like, you know, it's like, well, not that early. I guess it's 7.30.
0:53
Is that early? I don't know. It was a little bit late for my household.
0:57
But yeah, oh, I'll get the dog walk done before I drop the kids at school.
1:03
And that'll free up a little bit of time for me later so I can have some breakfast.
1:08
And yeah, so I did just that. I got Coco Stanley all bundled up in his little
1:11
booty suspenders and his 70s themed parka.
1:15
Because it's very cold here. It was very cold. It's like in the minus 30-somethings,
1:19
and I had opened my door, and I encouraged Coco to turn right,
1:25
because that's like the way we go when it's the short way, because I didn't have a lot of time.
1:28
I only had like 20 minutes, because I still had to pack lunches,
1:31
and yeah, he didn't want to go right, but I insisted. I insisted that we go that way.
1:38
And we did. We went that way. And Coco Stanley's like kind of afraid of other dogs.
1:45
So some dog was barking somewhere and he's like, he looked at me and he's like, let's roll.
1:49
So then he started a light jog. And I also started a light jog.
1:52
And I don't know, maybe you live in a place that doesn't ever have snow,
1:56
but it snows here quite a bit.
1:58
And if they don't clear the snow, like scrape it down to the concrete and there's
2:04
like a big puff of blown in snow, it just keeps getting compacted as cars drive
2:08
over it, and it gets really polished and shiny and slippery and also bumpy.
2:14
And yeah, so, you know, we're starting to pick up a tiny bit of speed,
2:18
and yeah, I went, I went, what do they call it, ass over tea kettle or something like that?
2:25
Yeah, I slipped, and I just, I broke my fall with my hand, which is attached
2:30
to my wrist, and I heard this crunching sound, and I was like, oh shit.
2:35
But I bounced right back up. I'm like, nope, nope, we're good, we're good.
2:39
And then I kept walking. I'm like, just everything's fine, everything's fine.
2:43
And then I slipped again and I fell again.
2:45
And don't worry, Coco dragged me for a little while because he's like,
2:48
get the fuck up, man. We're on a walk. Like, what are you doing?
2:52
And I thought, fuck. And then of course, you know, I fell in front of a car.
2:57
I don't know how I got myself up the second time. I think it was just like embarrassment
3:01
or maybe, like, just a sense of self-preservation.
3:05
And I just really didn't want that car to get, those people to get out of that
3:09
car and help the old lady up off the ground.
3:12
Because I am 46 years old now, you know. Oh, I gotta adjust.
3:16
Right. Okay, great. And I'm like, okay, well, something is really,
3:19
you know, seriously wrong with my hand and my right hand, of course,
3:23
because I'm a terrible person and I deserve terrible things.
3:27
And yeah, and we're starting to double back and Coco's like,
3:30
what the fuck, man? Like this, I didn't poop yet. Like, what are we,
3:33
why are we going back home?
3:34
And I didn't know how to say something's terribly wrong with my hand and my wrist.
3:39
So we're just going to go back real quick.
3:42
But he wasn't happy. He was kind of pissed off. He didn't even really pee.
3:46
He was just kind of miserable that I had ruined his day.
3:49
Little did he know how my day was going to continue. Yeah, we get home and Sarah
3:55
started this new job where she can work from home on occasion, like two days a week.
3:58
And I walk inside and, you know, I'm calm. I'm cool.
4:02
You know how calm and cool and relaxed I always am at these types of situations.
4:06
And I walk in, I'm like, hey, can you come upstairs for a sec?
4:09
And she comes up and I'm like, listen, I just wiped out.
4:13
Something's wrong with my hand. And first of all, I need you to take off my
4:17
neckerchief because I had one of those like fleecy Velcro neck warmers on because it's so cold.
4:23
And she did. And she's like, well, what's going on? I said, something's wrong
4:26
with my hand and I'm scared to look at it. And she's like, okay,
4:29
do you want me to look at it? And I said, no.
4:30
And then she made an attempt to touch it. And I, I, I, I'm like,
4:34
no, not doing that. So I brushed my teeth.
4:37
And I got in the car, which was, you know, hindsight being what it is,
4:41
not a great choice, not a great choice when you're in a lot of pain to be driving.
4:44
And I hit every fucking red light on the way to the hospital.
4:50
Okay. I'm Canadian too, in case you were wondering, I'm in Canada,
4:54
like, and I know Americans, I know, I feel terrible for you.
4:57
I will pay, I think you guys pay more in health insurance than the taxes it
5:01
would cost to cover universal healthcare.
5:03
But you know, I'm about to tell you a story and you may be like, fuck that.
5:07
I will gladly pay for health care.
5:11
Compared to the story I'm about to tell you. Okay, here we go.
5:15
I park the car. I pay for parking. I pay for 24 hours of parking because who knows, right?
5:20
I could be in here two hours. I could be in here for a whole fucking day.
5:23
I don't know what's about to happen to me.
5:25
I do know that I'm having uncontrollable tears, which, you know,
5:29
I'm not a frou-frou lesbian.
5:31
Like, I'm not a big, like, burly, I don't know the next word I should say.
5:36
I'm not, like, a super tough lesbian, but I'm not, like, wearing makeup.
5:40
I guess chapstick, would you call me? I don't know. I was just watching I Kissed
5:43
a Girl on Crave, where it's, like, dating kind of competition show,
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and they had all different kinds of words to describe different ways to be a
5:51
gay woman, and I didn't understand any of them.
5:54
Like, golden retriever, and then there's a black cat. Like, I don't understand the fuck.
5:59
Like, I'm more of, like, a muskrat, I guess, you know, or a prairie dog.
6:04
I don't know what any of those words mean. Okay, look, I get in there,
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I check in, and I'm barely holding it together.
6:10
Like, this fucking hurts. Like, on a scale of, like, I've broken my shoulder
6:15
before, and I felt that that was very, very painful, but this is, like, otherworldly.
6:21
And I don't know how to, if I tolerate pain well, because I'm only in my own body.
6:27
I don't know. I get there, I check in and they have a nurse that like,
6:31
she calls you up and she's like, oh, what's going on? And I'm like,
6:34
I, my wrist really hurts.
6:35
And she pulled up my sleeve and I, I'm like, no, no, no, no,
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no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's like, I have to see what's wrong.
6:40
And she pulled it up. She's like, oh yeah, that's a fracture.
6:43
And I still haven't looked. And then she asked me a lot of questions about what
6:47
happened, blah, blah, blah.
6:48
And she took mercy on me and she gave me two T3s, which are,
6:52
have codeine, I guess. I don't know what you call them in other parts of the
6:55
world, but they have codeine.
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And I'm like, oh my God, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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And I took them and she's like, okay, sit down.
7:02
And I thought, okay, I'm going to go sit down.
7:05
And there were lots of seats next to this one particular gentleman because look,
7:09
he was homeless and it's fucking cold here.
7:11
I don't know if I've mentioned that, like the windshield at night,
7:14
if you're outside, it gets well past minus 40, which is the same Fahrenheit as it is Celsius.
7:18
And I think you can figure that out. Like, oh, not good.
7:22
And he's sitting there with his entire foot out and it looks like he tried to
7:26
climb Mount Everest barefoot like there.
7:29
And I'm not a foot person. I don't know if you've picked up on that because
7:32
every single time I talk about feet, I kind of gag a little bit.
7:35
But I thought, fuck it, I'll sit next to his moldy old foot.
7:38
I don't give a shit. I just want to sit down and I don't want to be near anyone.
7:41
And he was keeping other people away. It worked for me. I don't give a shit.
7:44
He can't have bedbugs. They'd all freeze to death. I'm a bad person. Okay.
7:49
And I don't think you're supposed to say homeless anymore. But you know what? Fuck off, all right?
7:53
Unhoused, what are you supposed to say? This poor motherfucker sleeping outside
7:55
so much that his toes were turning black.
7:57
Call it whatever the fuck you want. It didn't look like he was having a great time.
8:02
And I sat, you know, and I sat, and I sat, and I sat, and I was there so long.
8:08
Like, after four hours, they do a recheck where you come back up and they,
8:11
like, take your temperature and ask you how you're doing and all this shit.
8:14
And I was there for four hours.
8:15
And at about the three-hour mark, the shine had wore off. like the T3s weren't
8:20
doing a fucking thing anymore.
8:21
And the ice I had brought from home that Sarah so lovingly packed for me in a bag was all melted.
8:28
And I'm trying to keep my composure because no one wants a screaming lunatic
8:34
in their urgent care waiting room. And these people are all tired.
8:39
Nobody wants to hear from me. And I go to the reassessment. I don't know who,
8:43
that's probably not a nurse. Who's that? I don't know who it is.
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She sits down and she asks me what my pain level is. And I'm like, this is like a nine.
8:51
This is very painful. I'm like, can I please have more T3s?
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And she's like, okay, I'll look into that. And I'm like, and some more ice.
8:58
Could I please have some more ice?
9:00
And she said, okay, ice I can get you. I'll go ask about the T3s.
9:03
And I hear her go and ask the nurse. And she's like, it's too early.
9:08
And I can hear that. I'm like, okay. So The girl comes back with the eye.
9:11
She's like, I'm sorry, I can't get you the T3s. And I'm like, okay, okay, I can wait.
9:16
I can wait. I can wait. Because I'm thinking, hey, you know, I'm looking around me.
9:20
I don't know why the fuck half of these people are here. They all look relatively calm and...
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Like, I don't, I know you can't see what people are feeling,
9:31
like, what is really happening, but there's no one in there that looks like
9:36
they are having an emergency.
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They're just relaxed, they're sitting in, like, you know, a lazy boy,
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some of them, staring at their phones, sighing, and I'm like,
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I think I'm in more pain than them, which is a selfish thought, sure, but.
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Yeah, I was not there for fun. I'm just crying.
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I'm just openly, like, shamelessly have tears running down my face because I'm
10:00
having a hard time handling the pain.
10:03
Because, you know, my wrist is fucking broken, which I didn't know at that point,
10:08
but I came to find out very soon.
10:09
I didn't look at it. I was scared I was going to throw up if I looked at it.
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And I have some suggestions coming in from friends. They're like,
10:15
oh, you're still there. You're still waiting. And I don't know why I thought
10:18
that I would take kind of priority.
10:20
Like, I know I'm not having a heart attack or anything and I can breathe and all of that.
10:24
But like, I think a broken bone over someone who's clearly calm and fine with
10:30
an air cast that they probably bought at a garage sale for their foot came in
10:34
and says, yeah, you know, I think it's my appendix.
10:36
Like I'm ahead of that lady, right? Because it's not your appendix.
10:40
It's not because you'd be on the floor, like you'd be writhing in pain,
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screaming like I want to do, but I didn't do it.
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I didn't do it. It's fine. and I get a suggestion like, hey,
10:48
there are other clinics where you can go.
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They call them minor injury clinics. And I looked it up and I'm like,
10:54
oh, I can go here. And hey, they have appointments available. Fuck this place.
10:58
I'm like, all right. I go up to the front desk and there are nurses.
11:02
And then there are like, I don't want to say receptionists, but women who aren't trained medically.
11:10
They are not nurses. Whatever they are, they are not nurses. And I
11:12
go up there and I'm like hey and I give her my
11:15
name and I said I can get in at this minor
11:18
injury clinic in 45 minutes should I go
11:21
there I said I I cannot stand this much
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longer I'm going to freak out really soon like this really hurts and she's like
11:28
well there's like six people ahead of you so so if I were you I'd go and I'm
11:33
just like okay see ya I booked an uber the guy was there in like three minutes
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took me 15 minutes to get to the other place I get in and I she's like oh you're early And I said,
11:43
yeah, listen, I'm going to cry soon.
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So could you, like, is it possible to get in a little early?
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This really hurts. And she's like, oh, I'll see what I can do.
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And I was like, okay, okay, all right.
11:55
Okay. And I'm telling myself this whole time, I'm like, okay,
11:57
half an hour, you can do half an hour.
11:59
Half an hour is going to be super easy. Just do half an hour.
12:01
You just have to breathe.
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You're a stubborn, old, tired sack of shit.
12:05
You can handle this. This isn't a big deal. I don't know what your pep talks
12:08
sound like when you're talking to yourself, but mine are like,
12:11
hey, you're dumb. You can handle this. Just tune out.
12:14
Disassociate. I do it all the time. Why is this any different?
12:18
And I guess they looked at the x-rays that I had taken at the other hospital,
12:23
and they were like, oh shit.
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And I got in real quick, which should have told me something was afoot,
12:28
right? Still haven't looked at my arm.
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I get in there and they've got the x-rays up and the doctor comes in,
12:35
this little woman, and she's like, I'm so sorry.
12:38
I can't help you. And I looked at her and I just ugly cried.
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I just like, I'm like, no, I'm like, you have to help me. She's like,
12:47
no, I can't help you with that here.
12:49
She's like, your wrist is broken and it's dislocated.
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She's like, I can't, come look at the x-ray. I'm like, no, I'm going to puke if I look at the x-ray.
12:58
And she said, I can't do that here.
13:01
I'm like your website says fractures she's like yeah
13:03
fractures this is dislocated she's like you need someone
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to knock you out pull your hand away
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from your wrist and smash your wrist back down
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into place so it's in line and I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried I
13:19
think for like a minute straight I could not get a hold of myself and I just
13:22
said like look I can't I can't go back there they're gonna put me at the bottom
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of the list I'm gonna have to wait for 12 hours like this I'm like I can't do it anymore.
13:30
I can't take the pain anymore. I can't do it. I'm like, can you give me something?
13:34
Oh, we don't have anything strong enough for you here. We'll give you naproxen. Oh yeah.
13:39
No, that's, that's cool. Great. Like, fuck, just fuck.
13:44
And I said, well, can you, do you think they're going to make me wait?
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Like from the beginning all over again?
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She's like, I don't know. I'm like, can you send me with a note or something?
13:51
Can you do something for me?
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She's like, I'll send you some paperwork. Don't worry, but you need to get a
13:55
temporary cast on that because if you're not getting proper circulation,
13:58
that's very, very bad. And I thought, fuck.
14:02
Okay. And I get back there. This guy's like, come with me. Come with me.
14:05
We'll get you in a room. You can have some privacy. And I guess because my crying
14:08
maybe was upsetting the other patients.
14:11
I have no concept of how loud I was being. I don't know. I just fuck and fuck.
14:18
All right. This nice young man gets me in the little room. He's like,
14:21
okay, take your jacket off.
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And I'm like, nope, I can't. I can't take my jacket off. So he slides.
14:27
I was wearing one of my work jackets with the patches cut off because they're
14:30
really warm, but they're so fleecy inside. So it was just sticking.
14:33
And he's trying to help me get it off. And I'm like, ah, I'm not.
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And then I have this like 15-year-old Costco hoodie, which has so many holes
14:40
in it. It's just an ugly piece of shit.
14:41
He's like, oh, no, I'm going to have to cut this off you. And I was like,
14:44
well, you know, my wife will be happy. She's trying to get me to throw this
14:47
thing out five years ago.
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And he was like, oh, okay, no problem then. So he cuts that off.
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And then he pulls up. I have three layers on, actually.
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I have t-shirt, long johns, hoodie, ugly hoodie. He cuts off the ugly hoodie.
15:00
And then I'm like, oh, I like this hoodie, though.
15:02
Don't cut it, okay? And he's like, okay, pull it up a bit. And I pulled it up.
15:05
And he's like okay I need you to put your arm on this armrest like you're gonna arm wrestle me,
15:10
okay and then I got a good look at at
15:13
what had happened and I want you to look down at your arm right now and look
15:19
at how your wrist connects to your hand it's straight right it's straight yeah
15:24
mine looked like a question mark it was it was ungodly and I looked at it I
15:29
gagged a little And I'm like, oh, no.
15:32
He's like, yeah, like you, we can't do that here.
15:36
You need to be like knocked out and we don't have those kind of drugs.
15:39
I'm like, oh, my God, your website says fractures. He's like,
15:43
yeah, fractures. This is...
15:45
And I was like, yeah, okay. Okay. And then he's, you know, he's trying to be
15:50
nice and make some jokes and I was doing okay.
15:53
I like, I apologized. I'm like, I'm sorry. I freaked out. I'm just really frustrated.
15:57
And this really hurts. He's like, oh yeah, for sure. Don't worry about it.
16:01
And he starts putting the things on. He's like, yeah, you know,
16:03
we'll get some champagne going in here.
16:05
We'll get a beer, some peanuts. And I looked at the woman who was with him.
16:09
I'm like, he said peanuts, right? Peanuts?
16:12
Not, and then the guy looks at me, he's like, hey, whoa, whoa,
16:15
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
16:16
And it was, I was, you know, it was okay. He, he, he got it.
16:20
He got it. He bandaged me up and he's like, I'm sorry. And they paid for my cab fare.
16:24
I guess they thought I was homeless because of my ugly hoodie with all the holes.
16:28
And they're like, okay, good luck. And I thought, oh, fuck.
16:31
I just, cause I heard there were a few people that left. Like once you leave
16:35
this hospital, you're going back to the bottom of the list if you come back.
16:39
And I, I was thinking that and crying all the way back to the original hospital that I had left.
16:45
And I go back there and there's a woman who looks like a Muppet.
16:49
I just, I don't understand.
16:51
Sometimes I see people and I'm like, okay, like I'm ugly and old and wrinkly,
16:54
right? But what are you doing? Like, what is happening here?
16:57
She looked like she had a, like a very dark black wig that was just.
17:04
Man, like she must've looked in the mirror and been like, no, more volume.
17:07
I need, this very high eyebrows black skin extremely pale fake eyelashes yes
17:13
red lipstick absolutely all
17:16
right let's go to work in a dingy shitty hospital with terrible lighting.
17:21
So I go I go up to this Muppet and I'm like hi I was here and my wrist is broken
17:28
and of course I had the new cast that the young man had put on me and I pointed to it because you know,
17:33
proof, right? I'm not just talking. And I just, am I going to have to,
17:37
am I going to have to wait like from the beginning?
17:40
She's like, I'll put you back in the queue. And I took that to mean,
17:43
we'll get you in there where you were before. And I was like,
17:46
oh my God, thank you so much.
17:47
Thank you so much. I'm so sorry. Thank you. And I just, you know,
17:51
yeah. I was like, okay. She's like sitting in the orange chair because that's the admitting chair.
17:55
And I sat there and then the same nurse that saw me like, I don't know,
17:58
five hours previously is like, oh, what happened? And I'm like,
18:01
well, Misericordia, you know, they can't help me.
18:04
They did this cast temporary thing. And she's like, ooh.
18:08
I'm like, can I please, please have more T3s? Please, can I have it?
18:14
And she took mercy on me and she gave them to me. And the girls at the Misericordia
18:19
where I went to the minor injury clinic, they were like, oh,
18:21
why did they let you leave? They shouldn't be giving you medical advice.
18:24
She's just a receptionist. And like, yeah, I get it.
18:26
I get it. Everyone had good intentions. But I just feel like,
18:29
did no one look at the x-ray that they took, like, an hour after I got there?
18:35
There was an x-ray. Like, I'm assuming they triaged people.
18:37
Like, how do you, how do you decide who's getting in and who's fucking waiting?
18:41
I don't know what these other people were there for, because it's none of my business. And...
18:46
All I know is, like, if I had looked at that x-ray as a doctor and been like,
18:50
whoa, shit, like, that's, whoo, that's, like, if you can't get me in,
18:54
can you at least dope me the fuck up? Like, I shouldn't have to beg for drugs
18:58
if I'm going to be there for, like, eight hours.
19:00
Like, could somebody just fucking, just give them to me and not make me fucking
19:03
beg? I just, I get really frustrated.
19:06
And I sat, she was like, yeah, okay, here's your T3s, enjoy.
19:10
Yeah, that's pretty bad. And I'm like, can you see the x-ray?
19:13
Like, would you, as a trained nurse, would you have told me to go to the other clinic?
19:20
And she's like, well, I can't see your x-ray. And I'm like, okay,
19:23
but would you have suggested I leave? And she's like, well, I can't answer that question.
19:27
And I think she was worried that maybe I was going to do some,
19:30
like, explosive TikTok live from the hospital waiting room.
19:34
And I'm not. I just, I did not want to cause any trouble.
19:38
And I asked her, I'm like, look, I know I'm not having a heart attack.
19:41
And I am not like critical, but like, I have a broken bone and I'm in like pretty intense pain.
19:50
Can you, like, am I going to have to wait here for 12 hours?
19:53
She's like, I can't answer that question.
19:55
And like, you know, yeah. I said, well, are there like 50 people ahead of me?
19:59
And she's like, no, not 50.
20:01
She didn't tell me how many, but not 50. And I was like, okay, yeah. Okay.
20:07
I guess I'll go cry over there for a while and she's like yeah okay.
20:12
I'll try I'll try to get you in a bit earlier because you were here before and
20:15
you did try to seek care elsewhere but I'll I'll see I'll see maybe if they
20:20
look at the x-rays and I'm like yeah my god can someone fucking look at this
20:23
x-ray please like fuck I'm not here for fun like I I'm not just like hanging
20:29
out at the hospital because I have nothing to do,
20:32
I have other things I'd like to be doing, anything. I'd like to do anything other than this.
20:37
And I go sit down and my old crew is there, you know, all the people I was there
20:42
with five, six hours ago, still there.
20:46
There was another Sandra who kept going up when she, like, you know,
20:50
they'd say Sandra, so she'd go up and it would be for me.
20:53
And then we did that a couple of times because we both got there at the same time.
20:57
And I just nicknamed her other Sandra. And she was like, oh,
21:00
hey, what happened? And which like, she didn't talk to me at all really before.
21:04
She's like, what happened? And I explained the story and I'm like, yeah, it's not good.
21:08
And she's like, did it happen at work? And I said, no, I wish.
21:11
But I texted the guys at work and they said that they would come pick me up
21:14
and just roll me onto someone's lawn so I could get paid for it.
21:18
And they laughed and laughed. And then one of the ladies were just having banter.
21:21
You know, I was delirious from pain and the T3s are starting to kick in.
21:24
And the other woman in her lounger is like, oh, you should go ahead of me.
21:28
Like, you're way worse than I am. and she laughed and I'm like
21:30
why the fuck are you here why are any of you fucking here
21:34
this is terrible I know okay it's terrible I sat
21:37
there some more and then Sarah came and she brought me a coffee and she
21:40
offered me snacks and I hadn't eaten I hadn't eaten it was now what 3 30 I had
21:45
been there since 8 15 or 8 30 in the morning I hadn't eaten since last night
21:49
at 8 and I'm still not hungry because pain's fun and t3s are more fun and we
21:55
sat there till about 4 35 o'clock and then finally the nurse comes and she called Sandra.
22:00
And I looked, I'm like, I looked at other Sandra and I turned my shoulder and
22:03
I'm like, which one of us?
22:05
And then she's like, you, you're coming with me. And then they applauded.
22:09
The other women applauded. They're like, good for you. Oh, that's so great.
22:13
I'm so happy for you. And I was like, thanks guys.
22:15
Thanks other Sandra. That was really nice of you. I hope you guys get seen soon.
22:19
And I went back there and I laid in their little cot and God help me if I fucking
22:24
remember what happens next. We had a nurse come in and they're like,
22:28
yeah, there's two ways to go about this. They can do local anesthetic.
22:32
And then, you know, push your wrist back where it should be,
22:35
or we're going to use propofol, fentanyl, I don't know what they said,
22:40
amazinol or something like that.
22:42
It was like amazol or something. I'm like, I want all the alls. I want risperidol.
22:46
I want all the vans. I had a van. I'll take an Ativan. I'll take a lorazepam.
22:50
Those are the same, but I want everything.
22:52
And I'm like, okay, all right. And I sat there, and I sat there,
22:57
and I sat there, and I sat there, and I think 7.30 was shift change.
23:00
And then the student doctor came in and he was really nice
23:03
and he was handsome and he was friendly and he's chit-chatting
23:06
and I'm just like the t3s are completely gone
23:09
now they they've worn off this really hurts again I'm like can I have something
23:14
else or should I wait until you guys like you know knock me unconscious and
23:18
then smash my hand yeah you know we're gonna wait we're gonna wait I think and
23:22
I did wait wait I did I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited until I think.
23:30
Like, man, what are you,
23:31
like, 10.30, probably?
23:35
Sarah had to go home and, you know, walk Coco and hopefully not break any bones
23:38
and tend to the children.
23:41
And yeah, while she was gone, they all came in and they're like,
23:45
how much do you weigh? And I'm like, listen, that's not very nice, first of all, okay?
23:49
Second of all, like, I'm kind of at your mercy here. No, no,
23:52
no, we need to know your weight so we can dose you with these drugs that are going to knock you out.
23:57
Okay and then I told them and I could tell
24:00
you but I'm not going to I won't it's none
24:03
of your business either right now I'm a little sensitive about it okay I have
24:05
a heel spur I was not able to be very active and I don't want to talk about
24:09
it it's none of your fucking business okay and yeah I'm concerned that I'm about
24:12
to start my 600 pound life journey again because the last time I broke a bone
24:16
was 11 years ago and I tell you having school-aged children way better than trying to be,
24:22
in pain, drugged up with a three-year-old.
24:25
This is way better, way better. I have all this time to sit and chat to you guys about this.
24:31
Okay, Sarah's gone. She asked before if she could stay when she thought they
24:35
were going to do the procedure in a timely fashion.
24:37
But, you know, as was mentioned to you previously, there's like 30 people back
24:41
there doing what? I don't know, but they all need care.
24:44
And I am not, in fact, the center of the universe. I'm the center of my own universe.
24:48
Hi, Coco Stanley. Hi, sweetie. I know, I'm just talking to myself.
24:51
Don't worry. Everything's fine. He's very sensitive to tone, actually.
24:54
Yeah. And I'm like, I'm scared. I looked around at it. I'm like, I'm scared.
24:59
Guys like this. He's like, oh, don't worry about it. I'm like,
25:01
you do this every day. We do this every day. I've already done two of these today.
25:06
Okay. Yeah. Okay. It's just a Wednesday for you guys. Yeah. This is just scary
25:09
for you. We do this all the time. Right. Yeah.
25:12
Do this all the time. And then the nurses, I guess, sick of hearing me repeat
25:16
myself over and over. Cause like, you know, traumatic day, I'm exhausted.
25:20
I'm hungry. I'm not drugged anymore.
25:23
And this is like, this feels like someone has taken like a cattle iron.
25:29
What do you call that when they brand someone?
25:31
Like it's burning, like it's burning and it's aching and it hurts and not having,
25:37
not having a good time anymore.
25:38
And I'm a tough bitch sometimes on occasion here and there. I've had,
25:41
you know, I was in labor for three fucking days. I had a C-section.
25:45
I've had kidney stones. I broke my shoulder. Like I've been around the block,
25:48
right? I've, I'm not screaming.
25:51
I'm just making really terrible dad jokes pretty consistently.
25:55
And finally the doctor comes back and he's like, okay, we can do this one of
25:58
two ways. And I'm like, yeah, I heard.
25:59
He's like, we can do local anesthetic where we just shoot you full of local anesthetic.
26:06
Sorry. And I'll put it back into place. Or, you know, we can drag you up,
26:09
you'll pass out and we'll do it that way.
26:12
And I was like, okay, okay. He's like, you know what, let's try the freezing.
26:15
And I was like, yeah, okay. So then he comes back an hour later.
26:19
And he's like, let me take a look at this cast they put on you.
26:22
And he started to move it. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
26:25
Which was like my word of the day. And he just looked at me confused.
26:27
I'm like, yeah, it really hurts. I really don't. I don't. He's like,
26:30
you know what? We're going to drug you.
26:32
And I was like, yeah, OK, yeah. He's like, yeah, OK, well, we'll be back.
26:36
I'll go get my tool chest and come back. And I was like, OK.
26:39
And the nurse comes back and she's like, well, we're going to give you like,
26:43
I don't even remember what it was.
26:44
Fentanyl was on there because I was like fuck yeah that sounds great she's like
26:48
I'm like what if I say something stupid if I mean to you guys when I'm like
26:51
kind of like drugged up I'm really sorry okay and she's like don't worry about
26:54
it I'm like it won't be true whatever I'm saying she's like you probably won't
26:56
say anything at all and I thought okay yeah yeah I won't and then,
27:01
doctor comes back and he's like okay give her 75 of this and 25 that and all
27:05
this other shit and I was like they put it in my IV and I just was like staring
27:08
at the ceiling and I was like I feel weird.
27:12
This is weird. This feels weird.
27:14
And I kept talking and talking, just nattering. And then I looked at the lights
27:18
and then I don't remember anything at all.
27:22
Okay. And then I opened my eyes again and the doctor's still in there and the
27:25
handsome student doctor is in there and the nurse is in there and Sarah's in
27:30
there. And I'm like, Hey, when did you get here?
27:33
And then I looked down and I'm like, oh, it's a new cast.
27:36
And then I just started like blathering on about Neapolitan style pizza.
27:41
And he's telling me not to drink. And then I, I said, oh, well,
27:45
I just kegged up a bunch of apple cider that I made.
27:48
He's like, oh, you made it. And then I just like, he's like,
27:52
oh, did you, did you use your own apples? And I'm like, sir, I'm a lesbian.
27:56
We make everything from scratch. I made my own water.
28:00
I just hate myself sometimes. I want to be like a stoic lesbian.
28:05
I just want to frown a lot and be stoic and quiet and subtle and not hint to
28:13
anything, that anything could possibly be wrong. Not Wong.
28:17
That would be racist, and I'm not going down that path.
28:22
Yeah, no, not stoic, just overly chatty and obnoxious.
28:26
Yeah, I don't know, but Sarah's point of view was she was like,
28:28
I came into the room because at first the doors were all shut,
28:32
and I didn't want to go in because, you know, it's a hospital,
28:35
and then the nurse said I could go in, and then I went in, and they were just, like,
28:40
pushing on your arm, and you were, like, sleeping, and they were just pushing
28:44
on it, and he's like, I'm going to ask you to step out, and she's like, yep, no problem.
28:48
And then she left, and she's like, you don't remember that? I'm like,
28:51
nope, don't remember a fucking thing.
28:53
All I know is my eyes were open and then they must've closed because she said I was sleeping.
28:59
And then I opened my eyes again and I looked down and it was like all done.
29:02
Like, thank God. Could you imagine the old days where they'd give you like a
29:06
stick to chew on and then they'd give you a shot of whiskey and just start fucking
29:10
with you? Like, fuck, dude.
29:12
And the part I was the most afraid of, the getting knocked out part,
29:15
was the best part of my entire day. The best part. And I'll tell you what.
29:20
This hurts, but nowhere near as much as it hurt when it was dislocated.
29:26
Nowhere near. I can do this all day long. I'm not even taking the tramadolus.
29:35
I don't know what the fuck it is. It's like something with codeine.
29:39
I'm not even taking it yet.
29:40
I just took Advil. Because in comparison, this feels like nothing.
29:44
Like it hurts, but nowhere near the dislocated part.
29:48
Nope. So I'll take this all day long. And I got to ask you guys, like, I don't know, man.
29:54
I made, I think, one too many jokes about falling and breaking a bone at work.
29:59
Okay? I wanted to be covered from workers' comp.
30:03
The universe only heard the fall down, break a bone part and not the at work part.
30:09
So yeah i also feel like young people
30:12
say things like manifest like did i manifest this
30:15
because i hate myself and i want to blame myself for a freak fucking accident
30:18
which is really the city of winnipeg's fault because put some fucking salt
30:21
and sand down at intersections maybe like
30:24
i work in a completely different area that has been thoroughly sanded
30:27
so much so that i get stuck in my shoes at work but over
30:30
here in the fucking ghetto and i just got my property tax
30:33
assessment oh yeah yeah we get
30:36
sand now like we're paying so much we get sand over here and i i i wrote into
30:40
the city of winnipeg and i told them and i gave them a little tongue lashing
30:44
no i didn't i just said it's slippery i broke my wrist at this intersection
30:46
you guys need to fucking scrape this shit down and sand it okay you fucking
30:50
cunts like we're all paying insane amount of property tax where's that money going anyway i'm sorry.
30:58
Yesterday, I also had another little breakdown because this,
31:01
you know, it's going to be a real rough recovery and financially not great.
31:07
I have to figure that out. My caseworker is going to call me today,
31:09
so don't worry. I'm sure it's going to be fine.
31:11
It's going to be fine. Like, good thing my sister borrowed, like,
31:13
fucking $45,000 plus from me and then ghosted me. And now, like, this happened.
31:20
So, like, you know, 2025, I thought we left all this bullshit behind.
31:25
And we're just moving forward to 2026. and then this yeah this is how I'm ringing in 2026.
31:32
Fuck but did I do it to myself? Like that's ridiculous right?
31:36
That is ridiculous. You can't call upon the universe for a broken bone.
31:40
That's crazy and they were dumb jokes. I make dumb jokes all the time.
31:44
Like some days I'll look over at Sarah at night and I'm like listen I bought
31:47
a lottery ticket last night.
31:48
If I win I'll leave you a check and I'll see you never.
31:52
And of course I'm joking right? Of course I'm joking.
31:55
Of course. I love my family. I'm very lucky.
31:58
But that doesn't get manifested. But one too many jokes about fucking hurting
32:01
myself during like a shitty winter, that's what I get.
32:06
Yeah, that seems fair. No, you're right. You're right. No, I deserve this.
32:09
Yep. Brought it on myself. Yep. Blame the victim.
32:13
Okay, that's it. That's my harrowing tale. Yeah, so tell me, Americans.
32:18
Like, I imagine what would happen in the States. Like, if I was a mailman in the States,
32:21
I'm assuming that I would have health care coverage because that's a big perk
32:25
of being a mailman in the states I would think if you're American I just think
32:29
I probably could have walked into my hospital that would have been covered and
32:34
I'm imagining I would have been seen or at least had a proper assessment,
32:40
within a couple hours you're gonna have to let me know because I don't know
32:42
how this really works but in my fantasy life dreamland I've created you guys
32:48
have better health care in the sense that you get treated immediately if you have a good plan.
32:53
I don't think I would want to be uninsured in the States for many reasons, but,
32:59
I did not, like, it was a hellscape. I don't know how to, like,
33:03
you know, you listen to people describe things like pain.
33:06
And you're like, yeah, okay, that must have, like, this, like, it, it, fuck, dude.
33:11
I just don't even know how to explain it. It's, it's like, it's like being burned
33:16
alive very slowly in a room full of other people.
33:22
And you ask for, like, someone to put the fire out. And they're just like,
33:26
yeah, it's a little early. Yeah.
33:29
Sniffles McGee here, she was here before you, so, yeah.
33:34
And the woman with the fake air cast on her foot that is pretty sure it's her
33:38
appendix, who looks perfectly fine, yeah, she's also ahead of you, so, yeah, I can't.
33:46
It's too early for more coding. Yeah. Sorry.
33:52
Fuck! Okay, well, that's my story. Hope you enjoyed it.
33:57
I'm going to really try manifesting something good. And I'm just,
34:02
I'm just telling you that I need some moral support right now.
34:06
I, yeah, I just, no, I was just, you know, I'm struggling with a little bit of depression. Okay.
34:12
Like maybe it's seasonal, maybe it's Maybelline. I don't know.
34:15
I just didn't quite need this.
34:18
And, and I just didn't, I didn't, I don't know.
34:21
I don't know what I needed. Like, I guess, I guess I would have been in an alternate
34:24
timeline. I would have been happier going to work and complaining about the
34:29
workload and the cold conditions than this.
34:33
Yeah, I think I would have been happier in an alternate timeline working as opposed to this.
34:39
That's okay. You know what? You get what you get. What?
34:43
Okay, listen. It's okay if I say I brought it on myself, but it's not okay if you say it. All right?
34:49
Like, I could have died.
34:53
I mean, eventually, I guess. I don't know.
34:58
Okay. Well, you know, wish me luck. Don't wish anything shitty on me,
35:02
dude. I can't, I can't do it.
35:03
Like, I can't take anything else. I, I'm good for a while.
35:07
I don't, yeah. Maybe, maybe like a lottery win. Could you do that?
35:10
Like, could I even do that? I just, I don't know. I only ever seem to get broken
35:14
bones and bee stings, you know?
35:17
All right. Thanks for listening. I'm sorry. This was a really long,
35:21
nattering pile of dog shit.
35:24
Yep. Okay. Well, I love you. thank you for everything if you guys have like
35:29
45 000 i could borrow just real quick,
35:32
or like no that would just do it just do actually you don't make it an even
35:36
50 just to get me through the next few weeks that'd be really great i actually
35:40
i do think i get covered 70 of my wage,
35:43
everything's fine you know what i should have just driven to work and like staged
35:46
it if i had been able to think or like yeah you know yeah fraud fraud is the
35:52
way to go right Oh, no, I fell down in the parking lot. Oh, yeah.
35:58
Yeah. Okay. I'm not a good actor. That's true. You're right.
36:01
You're right. I couldn't fake it. Because I'm a lesbian and we don't have to.
36:05
Okay, bye. Okay, I'm so sorry. I got to go. Okay. Okay, love you so much.
36:08
Okay, love you. Bye. Bye, bye, bye. Bye.