Latest / Intentional Guy / The Hidden Battle In Your Teens Phone,
Transcript
- Michael Chestnut: Your son has access to more pornography in his back pocket right now than existed in the entire world when I was his age. When I was a kid, I saw it one time. Today, it's one swipe away every single moment. Stick around because what I'm about to tell you could change how you parent your son. I grew up in a world where a kid stumbled onto pornography was rare. I saw it one time, one time growing up. I was out on a farm somewhere I probably wasn't supposed to be, and I found a stash tuck away. I didn't even fully understand what I was looking at. I just remember thinking, this must be the farmers. This must be something grown men keep hidden out here. That's how rare it was. That's how much distance there used to be between kids and that world. Today your son doesn't need a farm. He doesn't need to get lucky or unlucky. It's already in his pocket. Let's be honest about what's changed. Your son is growing up with a device in his hand that has more access to explicit content than every adult bookstore in America can buy. No barn, no hiding spot, no older kid showing him where to look, just a screen, a search bar, and three seconds. This is not the generation you grew up in. This is not the temptation. you face. And if we parent like it is, we are setting our sons up for failure. I hear parents say it all the time. My son would never betray my trust. I trust him. And I get it. You want to believe the best about your kid. But hear me on this. This was never about trust. The Bible doesn't say your enemy is looking for kids who can't be trusted. First Peter five eight, your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Seeking not the untrustworthy, not the bad kids, anyone, everyone, including your son. Trust is a relationship word. This is a warfare word. Your job isn't to decide. Whether your son is trustworthy enough to be left alone with a loaded weapon. Your job is to protect him from it because he's a target, not because he's a suspect. what does that protection actually look like? Starting with paying attention. Here are the signs something may be going on. He suddenly wants more privacy than usual. Takes the phone into the bathroom. The closet under the cover. He clears his search history or browser habitually or switches screens fast when you walk in. He seems withdrawal, ashamed, or distracted, especially after time alone with his phone. His sleep changes. He's up late, tired all the time, irritable for no reason. He has multiple apps for the same purpose. Or apps you don't recognize, or a second hidden folder. None of these prove anything on their own, but together they're worth a conversation, not an accusation. Here are two tools I'd encourage every parent listening to use. First is an accountability software like Covenant Eyes. It monitors activity across devices and sends reports to a person you choose. It doesn't just block, it brings things into light. Second, and this one costs nothing, every so often with no warning. Say, let me see your phone. Not a gotcha moment, not a trap. But as a parent who has the right and the responsibility to know what's happening in their son's world, you can do this without shame in your voice. You can do it and still be his safe place. But do it because a phone with no oversight is not freedom, it's exposure. So what happens when you find something? I won't pretend there's a formula. You're not raising a cookie cutter kid. But here's what doesn't change. Speak truth. The Bible is not silent on this. Don't soften it into something it isn't. Call it what it is, and call your son to something better. Remind him whose house this is. You pay for that phone. That's not a power play. It's a reminder. That authority in your home exists to protect him, not control him. And don't stop at accountability. Walk with him somewhere. Point him to accountability, to scripture, to a mentor, to you. I know what it's like to struggle with this as a grown man. I've lived it. And even as an adult with a fully formed sense of who I am, what I believe, and what I stand for, this thing had power to knock me down for years. So I can't fully imagine what it's like for a teenager, a young person whose character is still being formed, whose sense of right and wrong. whose maturity, whose identity, none of it is finished yet. If it can take down a grown man who already knows better, what does it do to a boy who's still figuring out who he is? That's exactly why this can't be optional for us as parents. Our sons don't yet have the maturity or the fully formed character to fight this alone. Which means we have to be just as informed as we're asking them to be honest. Psalms 101, David writes. I will set no worthless thing before my eyes. That was David's commitment to himself. Parents, part of our calling is to help our sons make the same commitment before the world makes it for him. Here's your challenge this week. Sit down with your son. Not to interrogate him, to talk with him. Tell him what you're seeing in the world he's growing up in. Tell him why your faith matters to you and why you want it to matter to him. Ask him, really ask him, what's on your phone? Let's get coffee. Let me be your friend. And let's walk alongside of each other.