Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / 82: why is it taking so long?

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82: why is it taking so long? · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

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Why is it taking so long?
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Why is it taking so long?
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If you are like me, you have been asking yourself this question with respect to something that
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you are calling in, creating, craving at this time of your life.
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Are you trying to be patient?
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You are trying to lean into a deeper knowing, a divine timing that you know is beyond your
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ability to understand or predict.
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You are trying to affirm that everything comes at the perfect and most aligned and divine
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moment.
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And yet it can be so challenging when we have seen the visions, when we have tapped into
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the energy, the frequency of our, the energy, the frequency of our becoming, the energy,
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the frequency of our becoming.
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It can be so challenging to reconcile what we are living now with what we know and feel
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is possible.
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What we know and feel is inevitable.
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And yet sometimes our hope can quiver, can shake, can feel out of reach.
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I've been experiencing a lot of this feeling of waiting for an arriving that feels like
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it is actually not going to come.
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And it's been very painful and it's manifested through my healing journey with my voice.
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So in around February I started to have issues, challenges, pain, vocal strain with my voice
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and things that used to feel completely natural to me in a way that I didn't even think
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about such as being on a phone call with friends or being in a conversation or channeling
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wisdom on YouTube or on or channel or creating or speaking my or speaking my soul's purpose
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into the ether that all felt so natural to me.
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There were obviously challenges like in anything, but I never had to think about the physical
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aspect of that process.
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And through this journey, it has been a very grief filled experience of losing access
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to what feels so intimate to me, losing full robust juicy abundant access to it.
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It came to a time where I had to be like how many, it came to a time where it felt like
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I had just a few minutes of vocal power each day and I had to be so thoughtful about how
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I used those minutes.
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And there was some days I actually had no minutes.
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And so there was this deep feeling of exile removal from myself because so much of my identity,
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how I understand myself, who I understand myself to be was all facilitated through my voice.
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It was my voice.
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I thought that is who I was, that was who I was.
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And so when I was removed from that, you know, when I was separated from that and the
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ego death involved of like, okay, so who am I without this thing that I thought was me?
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There was a lot of trying to predict when it would end, trying to predict when healing
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would come.
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And we have this manifest in so many different ways.
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If you think of how our ancestors and even, and there are so many ways that this manifest,
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how it happened for me was every month I would tell myself, oh, next month will be the
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month.
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So in February, I was like, oh, my word, by March, this will be a thing of the past.
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In March, I told myself by April, I know I'm going to be healed.
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I would think about it so clearly it by May, I would think about it so clearly I could
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feel it, I could touch it, I could taste it.
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And this is the thing with being a visionary, you can collapse timelines in your consciousness.
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We all can as human beings, we all have, we're all visionaries.
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I think some people, it's like a dormant capacity that some people have tapped into and unlocked
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and unleashed more.
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But it feels so tangible almost that the pain of how tangible it isn't can be really
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heartbreaking.
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That gap we experience between what we know is possible and then what feels accessible
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to live in this moment.
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So in this whole journey, I've had to surrender to this greater timeline that I don't even
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fully understand.
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And I've had to try and trust that everything is happening in its divine moment, even if
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I don't fully understand what that moment is or why it had to take quote unquote so long.
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And of course, in our society and culture where we have been conditioned to believe in instant
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gratification in many different ways, where if you have a question, it was unheard of
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before that you could just get the answer immediately, you know, if I wanted to know, I was thinking
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right before the sole session.
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I was thinking about the earliest women to be pregnant on earth, like the first people
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of earth, indigenous people, black people, brown people, the first people of earth, you
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know, and their experience holding the uncertainty of when the child would come.
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Like now we just know as though it's the most obvious thing that it takes roughly nine
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months for a baby to come into, you know, its fullness within the womb.
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But those earliest people, they didn't know that imagine like the first person to be pregnant.
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The first woman to be pregnant, she didn't know, oh, in nine, what even is a month?
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That was not even a concept.
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Our relationship to time is now way more rigid.
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And I think used to be far more fluid and there was not a rigid understanding of today's
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Monday, today's Tuesday, that is through colonialism and this imposition of a rigid relationship
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with time, whereas time is inherently fluid.
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So I was thinking, wow, they just had to hold that uncertainty.
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And so that means that resilience, that ability to hold the unknown, it's a capacity we
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all have, it's ancient, it's ancestral.
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Many of our ancestors didn't know when the harvest would come, when the rain would come,
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when food would come, you know, days and days of not having access to food.
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When freedom would come, black people have been holding the uncertainty of that for centuries
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and it's still holding that question.
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Palestinian people, like holding this unknowing, knowing it is possible for Palestine to
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be free, but having to sit in a conditioned impossibility through the colonial and just
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grotesque, horrific, sadistic violence from the state of Israel against Palestinians.
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Take a moment there.
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And across the world today, there is this holding of this question, when will this end,
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when we know it's possible to create heaven on earth?
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When we know we have everything we need on earth, there is an inherent abundance yet
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systems such as capitalism, white supremacy, colonialism, imperialism, sexism, patriarchy,
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homophobia, transphobia, all of these systems are to officially create a gap between us
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and that possibility of heaven on earth.
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Okay, so we have in our bloodline the ability to hold uncertainty or we wouldn't be here.
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If ancestors, you know, if you think about how there were people in the collective who refused
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I'm sure to be uncertain, but did those lineages survive?
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You know, and I'm not saying that only there's many reasons why lineages don't survive primarily
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the systems that I've just been naming, but if we think about it, we have the ancestral
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gift.
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There's a lot of focus in the collective on ancestral trauma, which is extremely important
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to talk about, but I think it's a one-sided conversation if you're not also willing to
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talk about ancestral gifts.
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We have the ancestral gift of being able to hold uncertainty, of being able to hold the
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void, of being able to say, I don't know when this is going to come, I don't know when
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food will come, I don't know when freedom will come, I don't know when the dream that
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I'm dreaming will come.
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Will it be in two generations, will it be in four generations, like some of us are
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living out dreams that were from like ten generations prior maybe, like in terms of
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the frequency of the dream, the ability to, for example, experience freedom, you may
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be living that perhaps, and that was a dream ten generations before, but they still believed
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it was possible, they held the void, right?
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So we have this capacity within us, and I believe this experience you're going through
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that has called you to this video, that has called you to this sole session to this transmission
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is that you're being invited to remember and come home to the fact that you are a bigger
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vessel than this uncertainty.
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You can hold this uncertainty.
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You can surrender the need to know, but even more than you come from a lineage of people
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who have been waiting, and in one sense you are exactly what they've been waiting for.
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In another sense, the waiting is as much part of the journey of the manifestation as
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the manifestation itself.
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We like to over-identify with when something has dropped in, when something has landed,
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but it's the darkness that creates the condition for the light.
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There's a roomy quote that says it's the darkness that makes the candle, it's not a perfect
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verbatim by verbatim.
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It's not a perfect quote, but basically there would be no candle if it weren't for the
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darkness.
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There could be no moonlight if it weren't for the darkness.
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Contrast creates experience.
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So this room you are in is a sacred place to be in.
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I was thinking also about, imagine, you didn't know how long it would take for a baby to grow.
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And the universe said, okay, you're going to have a baby, human being, but I'm not going
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to tell you how long a baby takes to come.
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So then it gets to one month and you're like, oh my word, this is taking ages.
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Why is it taking so long?
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I can barely sleep.
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I'm having all these symptoms.
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This is horrible.
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I want this to end.
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I just want the babies to come.
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I don't want this unfolding.
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I don't want this pregnancy.
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And the universe says it's not time.
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Then two months comes.
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You said, come on, this is double the time I thought it would take.
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This is still not happening.
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What's going on?
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The universe says it's still not time.
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Now obviously to you as a person who knows how long a baby tends to take or takes, really,
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you think to yourself, well, that doesn't make sense.
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I would just know that it's nine months.
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But this is how it is with each of the things that we are calling in.
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There is a whole set of conditions that need to be true for us to hold that and receive
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it like the womb isn't ready for the baby to be ready to be born.
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The womb is not ready.
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The mother is not ready.
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The parent is not ready.
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The person with the womb is not ready.
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There is a greater knowing of readiness, of rhythm, of ritual that's unfolding.
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And so what you are creating, if you're writing a book, if you are calling in financial
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freedom, if you are calling in a dream partner, what you are specifically manifesting has
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never been manifested before.
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Because there's a specific relationship between you and that creation that doesn't exist
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anywhere else in the universe.
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So we don't know what your version of nine months is because you are the mother.
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You are the parent.
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You are the father.
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You are the parent of this becoming.
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So there is no standard timeline because it is your path you are working.
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So you're making it up as you go.
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So I cannot tell you, the universe cannot tell you, oh, this is supposed to take three
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years.
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In our ego minds, or influenced by how we've been conditioned to relate to reality, which
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has been hijacked by colonialism, I would say, and by patriarchy and by Western individualism,
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like there is no way to fully separate how we relate to reality from how the colonizer
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related to the colonized.
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That's my belief.
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Let me not call them the colonized, the people that they colonized.
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Or at my ancestors, there's no way to separate in my mind how we relate to what is happening.
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The going on, how we try to bend time to our will, waiting in a line, I'm not going to
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wait in this line.
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Why would I wait in the line?
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Let me make this line what I needed to be, which is escape the line and watch something
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on my phone, do something that allows me to control this experience.
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Now I do this.
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I'm not demonizing us for doing this.
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I'm just sort of making a connection between that doing and this industrialized capitalist
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process of like control.
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Okay, so we don't know how long what you're calling in is going to take because it's never
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come in the way it's going to come to you.
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So trust that there is a version of a rhythm.
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There is a rhythm to what you're calling in.
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So the universe is going like, duh, duh, duh, duh.
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And we're expecting, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh,
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we want something always to be happening, always to be unfolding, quick, fast, now, viral,
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blow up all the time, now, now, now, now.
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And the universe is like, I got you, but I'm trying to hold you with the bigger rhythm.
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I'm trying to hold you with a slower heartbeat.
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That's going to be more sustainable because you know what happens if the heart is racing.
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You can do that for one kilometer, you can sprint, but then what's going to happen?
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You're going to burn out.
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So I'm holding you in a bigger energy.
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I'm holding you in a slower timeline, but the beauty of that is if you sink with me
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and dance with me, what you then receive is something you're going to be more capable
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of sustaining, just like the lottery ticket winners, who, it expands too quickly and
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they can't hold the energy that has been given to them because it didn't grow like a
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womb grows naturally.
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It can't just go from, I'm not pregnant at all to, I'm nine months pregnant, the mother,
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the parent, or the person with the womb would not cope.
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They would actually, I'm not going to say, they would not survive, neither would the baby.
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So now both have been survived.
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So we think we know best, but can we trust a greater knowing?
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That's what I'm telling myself.
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Like I think, as I'm speaking to you, my voice is not fully healed and I'm like, it should
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be healed by now.
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It's been nine months.
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It should be healed by now.
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But who's to say, I know, I don't know, what do, I don't know, I don't know.
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So if I just sink into a bigger rhythm and say, okay, clearly something in my life's
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not ready, you know, like a flower can't grow in soil that's not ready to hold it.
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So it may not even be that you're not ready.
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It may be that everything the ecosystem around you isn't ready.
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What you're manifesting hasn't come in because like three months from now, an editor for
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your book is going to drop in who's going to make the whole process so much easier, but
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they were on maternity leave since we're on that train or they were on paternity leave
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or parental leave.
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And so if your book was finished already, you would have gone with another editor who
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wouldn't have helped you actually circumvent some of the struggles of the process of writing
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a book or publishing a book.
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So you may be ready, but your ecosystem and environment may not be, you know what I mean?
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Like imagine the juiciest flower, but there are no bees.
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There are no bees to pollinate the flower.
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So that flower is juicy, but what's going to happen next, you know?
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But now, okay, now there's a beehive growing, growing, growing, growing.
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Now the flower then is going to be more supported in its pollination, right?
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So can we trust that maybe something is trying to come into our field that isn't ready?
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There's a bigger unfolding, a bigger rhythm trying to dance with you and through you.
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And you're divine and precious whether or not that thing ever comes to life.
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That's another thing, the attachment.
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Like oh, that will make me whole, that will make me celebrated or worth celebrating,
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that will make me worthy.
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And it's also an invitation to find that worthiness at every stage.
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I'm sending you so much love, it's all on its way, but also you are the way.
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And you're not more valuable once that manifestation, desire, goal drops in.
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There's a deeper worthiness that is unconditional.
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So let us try and free ourselves of this conditional worthiness that we've been made to relate
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to ourselves within through because of the systems I've named, trauma conditioning,
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oppressive systems.
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And I'm just sending you so much love.
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Maybe all find the healing, the love, the abundance that we are seeking.
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And at a greater more global scale, may we find healing?
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May we realize as a collective that heaven on earth is possible?
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And may we create a whole new world system that is rooted in love, abundance for all
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and healing?
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May we do those things?
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Okay, I'm sending you so much love.
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I'll see you on the next sole session.
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I love you.
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Bye.