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Why Do Arguments With Narcissists Last So Long? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So why do arguments with narcissist take so Dang on long?
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  Why? Why does an argument that starts
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  at 5:00 PM continue to 5:00 AM? What?
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  What's going on in the mind of a narcissist when this is
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  happening? This we talk about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom, Welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  Second video of my new camera. This one is already see it a
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  little bit smoother. The the transitions are a little
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  bit crispier now, so let's hop right into it.
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  Arguments with narcissist last can last forever.
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  Now when I say forever and when I say arguments with narcissist,
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  I also mean the silent treatment.
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  Do you feel me? I'm also talking about the
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  silent treatment as well because that's part of an argument,
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  that's part of a disagreement. That's part of something that's
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  actually going on with this narcissistic person as well,
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  right? Am I right?
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  Y'all You, you get it. We we here right now.
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  We here, right? So as the agreements, as
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  disagreements go, narcissistic people want to win.
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  Let's just get y'all. We got to keep it.
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  If we're going to keep it hot and ready, we got to keep it hot
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  and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza, right?
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  We have to these arguments with narcissists and toxic people
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  like they want to win. They want to achieve some type
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  of victory. Well, Lee, what the hell does
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  victory look like to a narcissist?
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  I'm glad you asked. Victory to a narcissist can look
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  a few different ways, right? Sometimes victory means you
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  apologizing for something that they did, right.
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  Sometimes a victory to a narcissist is literally you
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  apologizing to them for something that they did to you.
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  Like they This is the simplest example, right?
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  Like you quote them in a huge lie, right?
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  And instead of taking accountability, they gave you
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  the silent treatment and, and communication is key with you,
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  right? You want to communicate.
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  You like to talk you, you are, you are a communicator through
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  and through, right? You get it.
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  You want to talk to this person, you want to communicate.
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  You want to just be able to move forward.
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  But that narcissistic person doesn't.
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  They don't want to communicate. They know you want to
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  communicate. They know that's your love
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  language. They know that's how you
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  operate. That's they know that's how you
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  move, right? And because they know this is
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  how you move, they use it against you.
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  And so they just become silent and they ignore you for days
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  until guess what? You walk up to them and you say.
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  I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you not talk to me.
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  Can you please talk to me? I'm so sorry.
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  And then they just like, thank you for your apology or or they
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  just keep ignoring your ass because they don't care, right?
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  They just keep ignoring you. They want to punish you.
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  They want to achieve some type of victory over you, whatever
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  that looks like to them. Like seriously, they want to
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  achieve victory over you with whatever that looks like to
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  them. In these situations, they
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  absolutely do. So you in these scenarios have
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  to ask yourself like, OK, I want to win.
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  I want to achieve greatness. I want, I know I said you
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  should, you should think about it like this, but if you're
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  dealing with a narcissist and you're trying to stay in this
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  relationship, you want to stay in this relationship with them,
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  you got to cut sometimes you got to start thinking in terms of
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  wins and losses as well, right? So a win for you, you have to
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  transition on what a win looks like for you because sometimes
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  they won't, they will refuse to talk to you for days, weeks,
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  I've heard months. I just didn't.
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  Matter of fact I just did. A post war man didn't talk to
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  his wife for 20 years, gave her the solid treatment for 20 years
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  and somehow during his 20 years of solid treatment they still
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  had another damn baby. They literally during his 20
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  years of silence had another baby.
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  I like where the baby come from. Where the hell the baby Who who
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  had this? Who who?
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  Well, right, that's the type of situation that so many people
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  end up dealing with. When you're got when you, when
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  you have this going on with a highly toxic, narcissistic
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  person, it truly is like they wouldn't, they didn't talk to
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  you for 20 years, but they got it.
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  You had another kid, huh? But this is the situation like
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  they want to punish you. They just want to everything to
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  to go their way. They want to achieve victory in
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  some way, shape or form with what it whatever that looks like
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  to you, to them, right? They want to cheese.
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  They want to punish you. This is why it's not always
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  about the silent tree, but This is why sometimes something
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  small, something you feel like it's very tiny, very minute turn
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  into a damn overnight argument. They want to punish you.
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  Y'all ever hear the Pavlov's? Pavlov's dogs, whatever they
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  like the bells when they they taught the dogs how to salivate
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  when they run the bell for food. That's what narcissists are
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  doing to you. They are conditioning you to not
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  bring stuff up. It's kind of like Ding, Ding,
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  Ding, Ding, Ding. You heard that?
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  You heard your path lost empath, right?
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  You're now, you're now Pavlov's empath.
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  You are now conditioned to not bring things up because you know
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  how you you think it's going to affect you in a negative way.
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  You hear the bell ringing. You like, should I bring this
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  up? This, this irks me, but I know
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  if I bring it up, there's going to be an argument.
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  I know if I had, I know if we have this conversation or we
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  start talking about this, there's going to be a fuss and
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  we're going to fuss and fight. I'm not trying to do that.
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  That's where you are with this situation right here when you
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  are dealing with a narcissist. Like you hit a little bell
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  ringing in your head because now you're conditioned to not bring
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  things up because you got to work tomorrow, you got
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  something, you got stuff, you got to do tomorrow.
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  You want to deal with this? Like who?
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  Yeah, be real. Who the hell want to argue about
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  somebody not taking the trash out at 5:37 until 5:37 AM,
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  right? This is what they'll do to you.
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  And sometimes, y'all, they'll keep you up late at night or
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  they just argue with you so long because they don't want they
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  want you to fail the next day. Sometimes they'll make something
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  small, turn into something large turn into something huge just
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  because they want to punish you for the for the next day.
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  They want to bring some type of pain to you the next day, the
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  next interaction that you have, they're punishing you for that
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  like you had. Let's say you have a big test
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  tomorrow. They have these abandonment
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  issues. They afraid you go, you're going
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  to get a better job and you're going to leave them.
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  You're going to be around more successful, more qualified
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  people than them. So instead of just talking to
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  you, talking about this to you and being vulnerable, they give
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  you decided treatment. They start an argument, they
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  keep you up all night. You fail the test.
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  And then also they're blaming you for failing.
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  They don't want you to succeed. Most narcissists do not want you
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  to succeed because they do have this thing in their head where
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  they're always in competition with you.
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  They are an argument can go on for a very long time because
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  they're competing with you. They don't want they want to
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  fuss and fight. They enjoy it.
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  They enjoy the fussing in the fighting and it's kind of toasty
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  in my office, y'all. Oh yeah, podcast launching soon.
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  Cut like find a little link in my description to plot to be on
• 7:35
  the podcast in person and virtual type stuff coming soon
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  y'all. I got everything set up.
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  I got everything set up. It's coming, it's coming.
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  New new camera to camera. I'll be on the new camera with
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  me. Yay, I'm I'm so sidebar, serious
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  sidebar. I won't let y'all know and I'm
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  so extremely grateful for every single one of y'all that that
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  have joined me along this journey that have trusted me to
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  help you out, that have believed in me that have just kept kept
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  it real with me. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. I'm extremely grateful for you.
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  Everybody who's had a one-on-one with me, everybody who's taking
• 8:05
  one of my courses, everybody who just gave me a like or a comment
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  and subscribe to my channel. I'm just so grateful for you
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  eternally. I'm not here without you.
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  I know people just say well leave you save my life.
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  Your videos help me out so much. Y'all save my life.
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  I'm not. My life is not.
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  I'm just so grateful for y'all. Thank the Lord for y'all.
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  I'm grateful. Sidebar over y'all got me
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  getting emotional. I got to my therapist about
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  this. No seriously man, I'm this
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  again. Narcissist suspected topic y'all
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  I'm sorry. I'm sorry for getting emotional
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  but why? I'm apologizing for my emotions.
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  I'm not sorry for getting emotional.
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  Y'all appreciate me being real, and I appreciate y'all keeping
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  it real too. But yes, this is the mindset.
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  Y'all. I want to fuss and fight and
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  argue through all times of the day, through all through all
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  times of the night, all this other good stuff.
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  I promise you some of them like it.
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  Some of them get off on it. Yeah, I don't think I'll
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  understand that some narcissistic people out here get
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  off on arguing and fussing and fighting with you.
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  Some of them absolutely enjoy it to the umpteenth power.
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  They love to fuss and fight. They love to argue.
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  They love it because at the end of the day, the fussing and the
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  fighting and they're arguing absolutely benefits them
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  greatly. And they know it does like they
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  know it does. Now, what ends up happening
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  sometimes with a narcissist, sometimes they get somebody who
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  like to argue back. Some of y'all like to argue
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  back. I know, I know, I tell y'all to
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  control your reactions and things like that.
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  But some of y'all, y'all, we want to argue, y'all, we want to
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  fight back. And I get it, trust me, I
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  absolutely understand it. I get it right.
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  Some of y'all just like Lee. I ain't no push up.
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  I can't look. I ain't about to let them see
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  why I didn't talk. No talk, nothing.
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  Crazies in the league we get we got had to battle, which I also
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  understand. Y'all, I promise y'all when I'm
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  talking, when I'm sitting here talking to y'all, I'm rooting
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  for you because I want y'all to win these arguments and I want
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  y'all when you're dealing with narcissistic people to pick and
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  choose your battles. If you cannot leave, if you
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  don't want to leave this person or you cannot leave this person
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  right now, pick and choose your battles right is ask yourself,
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  it's kind of like see the future.
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  Like if if I bring this up, I'm going to be arguing and fussing
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  the fighting all night. Am I going to have to go get a
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  hotel room tonight so I can go to a good night's sleep?
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  I might have to go to sleep in my parents house.
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  I might have to go sleep in my car.
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  Ask yourself these questions. I'm not telling you I'm not
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  telling you how to put up a fight not to put up a fight.
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  I'm not telling you not to say anything back to this person.
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  What I'm saying is just understand what happens next,
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  what comes next, what could come next in this situation right
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  here. This person could absolutely be
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  abusive and manipulative and very, very harmful to you.
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  A lot of narcissists can do that.
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  So you have to be prepared for this type of stuff.
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  You know, when the situation arises and how things are going
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  to go. Narcissistic people want to win
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  it by any means necessary, by any cost.
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  And sometimes if they feel like they're losing, even if they
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  out, even if they're wrong, it doesn't mean that they're going
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  to stop arguing. Even if a narcissist is wrong,
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  it doesn't mean that they're going to stop putting up a
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  fight. It doesn't mean that they're
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  going to stop the back and forth stuff.
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  It does not mean that it like even if the narcissist is
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  absolutely 100,000% incorrect in whatever they're doing, they do
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  not care. They will argue till 9:00 the
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  next morning and you have to get up with the kids or you have to
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  go to work or whatever the case may be.
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  They don't care. They'll blame you for bringing
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  it up, they'll blame you for being with them, they'll blame
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  you for trying to hold them accountable or however it is you
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  found out that they were lying or cheating or stealing,
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  whatever, they'll blame that. No accountability, no quarter
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  will be given. So if you're dealing with the
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  narcissist, y'all again, pick and choose your battles.
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  I'm not telling you not to fight back.
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  I'm not saying that, I'm not saying it at all.
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  But pick and choose your battles carefully.
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  Be safe, take care of yourselves.
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  Y'all hit that subscribe button again.
• 11:52
  I'm super grateful for you and it's always y'all been tuned
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  this out. Peace.