Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a New Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've just been promoted to manager for the first time. Maybe you've got three direct reports, maybe ten. Your first instinct, if you're smart, is to find a mentor. But here's the problem: most of the mentors you'll find are useless for this specific moment. Luna: Useless is a strong word. But I think I know what you mean. They give you generic leadership advice that doesn't map to your actual situation. Lucas: Exactly. The senior VP who's been managing directors for twenty years? She's going to tell you about vision and strategy. You need to know how to run your first one-on-one without it being awkward, or how to handle the employee who's older than you and resents your promotion. Luna: Yeah, that's a very different conversation. So what should a new manager actually look for in a mentor? Lucas: First, someone who managed a team similar to yours in size and function. If you're leading a team of four software engineers, don't go to the head of sales. Find someone who managed four engineers five years ago. The dynamics are specific. Second, this person should be two to three levels above you, not five. They need to remember what the job actually feels like. Luna: That's a really practical filter. I've seen people go straight to the C-suite and get platitudes instead of tactics. Lucas: Right. And here's something I've noticed: the best mentors for new managers are often people who made mistakes themselves early on. They're not afraid to say, 'I completely botched my first performance review.' That honesty is gold. Luna: I remember my first management mentor told me she cried after her first team meeting. She was twenty-six and her team was all forty-plus. That vulnerability made her advice land so much harder. Lucas: Exactly. And that ties into something we talk about a lot on this show. If episodes like this help you think through a career move or a leadership challenge, one way to keep the conversation going is to support the show directly. We keep it ad-free, and listener support on buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo is what makes that possible. No pressure, just an option if you find value here. Luna: Yeah, absolutely. It's a small way to keep this resource available for everyone. Now back to the new manager challenge. I want to talk about the trap of relying on your predecessor as your only mentor. Lucas: Oh, that's a big one. Your predecessor knows the team, knows the landmines. But they also have blind spots. They might have tolerated mediocrity or avoided certain conflicts. You need a fresh perspective. Luna: So what's the alternative? You don't want to ignore their experience entirely. Lucas: No, use them for context. But find a separate mentor for judgment. Someone who can say, 'Your predecessor let that behaviour slide for years. You don't have to.' Without the emotional baggage. Luna: That makes sense. And what about the timeline? When should a new manager start looking for this mentor? Lucas: Day one. But not the frantic kind. Block out the first sixty days as a learning period. Use that time to identify two or three potential mentors. Schedule a thirty-minute coffee with each. Ask them specifically: 'What do you wish someone had told you in your first ninety days as a manager?' Luna: That's a great opening question. It's specific, humble, and it gives them permission to be honest. Lucas: And listen for whether they talk about systems or about people. If they immediately jump to process and metrics, they might be a good sponsor but not a great mentor for the human side. If they talk about how they handled a difficult conversation or built trust, that's a signal. Luna: So you're distinguishing between mentor and sponsor again. We touched on this in episode 120, but for a new manager, which one matters more? Lucas: You need both. But in the first year, mentor trumps sponsor. You're still learning the basics. A sponsor who puts you forward for a big project before you're ready can actually hurt you. A mentor who helps you build the skills first is safer. Luna: That's a counterintuitive take. Most people think sponsorship is the fast track. Lucas: It is, once you're established. But as a new manager, your biggest risk isn't being overlooked. It's being exposed. You need someone who'll tell you, 'Don't take that cross-functional role yet. Master your current team first.' Luna: Let me push back a little. What if your company is very competitive and you feel like you need to show quick results? Doesn't a sponsor help you get visibility? Lucas: Fair point. In a competitive culture, you do need some visibility. But you can get that from your direct manager, not necessarily a sponsor. The mentor's job is to help you figure out which results actually matter. New managers often burn out chasing the wrong metrics. Luna: Okay, so mentor for judgment, sponsor for opportunity, but only after you've built a foundation. That's a solid framework. Lucas: And one more thing: don't limit yourself to one mentor. Have a portfolio. One person for technical management skills, another for navigating politics, maybe a third who's a peer manager you can commiserate with. Luna: A peer mentor is underrated. There's a safety in talking to someone who's in the exact same boat. You can say 'I have no idea what I'm doing' without fear of judgment. Lucas: Exactly. In fact, some of the best mentorship for new managers happens in informal cohorts. A group of four or five first-time managers meeting every two weeks. No senior leaders, just honesty. Luna: I've seen that work really well at a few companies. It creates a support network that outlasts any individual mentor. Lucas: So to sum up: find a mentor who's managed a similar team, not just any senior leader. Start the search on day one. Ask about their own mistakes. Cultivate a small portfolio of mentors, including peers. And don't let your predecessor be your only guide. Luna: And if you're listening and you've been managing for a while, consider becoming that mentor for a new manager. It's one of the highest-leverage things you can do. Lucas: Completely agree. The first year of management is when people either build good habits or pick up bad ones that last a career. A good mentor can tip the scales.