Latest / Three Rebel Souls / Episode 4: Stacey Sloane's Story

Transcript

Episode 4: Stacey Sloane's Story · Three Rebel Souls

• 1:18
  Hey,
• 1:19
  how's
• 1:19
  it
• 1:19
  going?
• 1:20
  Hi,
• 1:21
  guys.
• 1:22
  Hello.
• 1:22
  Hello.
• 1:25
  So
• 1:26
  happy
• 1:26
  to
• 1:26
  be
• 1:26
  here
• 1:26
  again.
• 1:28
  Looking
• 1:28
  forward
• 1:28
  to
• 1:28
  today.
• 1:29
  Saloon.
• 1:31
  Well,
• 1:31
  now
• 1:31
  you've
• 1:32
  got,
• 1:32
  you've
• 1:33
  got
• 1:33
  yours
• 1:34
  out
• 1:34
  of
• 1:34
  the
• 1:34
  way,
• 1:34
  so.
• 1:35
  Yeah,
• 1:35
  I
• 1:35
  feel
• 1:36
  good.
• 1:36
  I'm
• 1:36
  good.
• 1:37
  No
• 1:38
  pressure
• 1:38
  for
• 1:38
  you.
• 1:38
  Yeah,
• 1:39
  no,
• 1:39
  not
• 1:39
  for
• 1:40
  a
• 1:40
  little
• 1:40
  while.
• 1:41
  That's
• 1:41
  the
• 1:42
  next
• 1:42
  time
• 1:43
  out.
• 1:43
  The
• 1:43
  hot
• 1:44
  seat.
• 1:47
  All
• 1:47
  right,
• 1:47
  one
• 1:47
  word
• 1:48
  check
• 1:48
  in.
• 1:48
  How
• 1:48
  we
• 1:49
  feeling
• 1:49
  today?
• 1:49
  I
• 1:50
  don't
• 1:50
  know.
• 1:53
  Tired.
• 1:54
  Feel
• 1:54
  like
• 1:54
  the,
• 1:54
  the,
• 1:55
  the
• 1:57
  that
• 1:57
  full
• 1:58
  moon.
• 1:58
  Like
• 1:59
  I'm
• 1:59
  really
• 1:59
  feeling
• 1:59
  it.
• 1:59
  Oh
• 2:00
  my
• 2:00
  God,
• 2:00
  Yes,
• 2:00
  I'm
• 2:00
  really
• 2:01
  feeling
• 2:01
  it.
• 2:01
  Like
• 2:02
  so
• 2:02
  funny,
• 2:03
  I
• 2:03
  was
• 2:03
  wondering
• 2:03
  why
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  was
• 2:04
  so
• 2:04
  emotional
• 2:04
  yesterday
• 2:05
  and
• 2:05
  I'm
• 2:05
  like,
• 2:06
  oh,
• 2:06
  it's
• 2:06
  Pisces
• 2:06
  season
• 2:07
  and
• 2:07
  there's
• 2:07
  a
• 2:07
  full
• 2:08
  moon.
• 2:09
  Yeah.
• 2:10
  So,
• 2:10
  you
• 2:10
  know,
• 2:12
  world
• 2:12
  events,
• 2:12
  all
• 2:12
  of
• 2:13
  that.
• 2:13
  You
• 2:13
  know,
• 2:13
  just
• 2:13
  contributing
• 2:14
  to
• 2:14
  it
• 2:15
  all.
• 2:17
  But
• 2:19
  you
• 2:19
  know,
• 2:20
  even
• 2:20
  though
• 2:20
  all
• 2:20
  that's
• 2:21
  going
• 2:21
  on
• 2:21
  and
• 2:21
  all,
• 2:22
  like,
• 2:22
  I'm
• 2:22
  just
• 2:22
  excited
• 2:23
  to
• 2:23
  just
• 2:23
  keep
• 2:24
  doing
• 2:24
  what
• 2:24
  we're
• 2:24
  doing
• 2:25
  to
• 2:25
  just
• 2:25
  looking
• 2:26
  forward
• 2:26
  to
• 2:26
  what's
• 2:27
  coming.
• 2:29
  Like
• 2:30
  the
• 2:30
  good
• 2:30
  stuff.
• 2:33
  So
• 2:33
  that's
• 2:34
  where
• 2:34
  I'm
• 2:34
  at
• 2:34
  today.
• 2:35
  Finding
• 2:35
  the
• 2:35
  good.
• 2:36
  Yeah.
• 2:39
  And
• 2:39
  spreading
• 2:39
  the
• 2:40
  good.
• 2:41
  Yes.
• 2:43
  That's
• 2:43
  why
• 2:43
  we're
• 2:44
  here
• 2:44
  today.
• 2:46
  We'll
• 2:46
  see.
• 2:47
  I
• 2:47
  feel
• 2:47
  messy.
• 2:50
  Okay.
• 2:51
  I've
• 2:51
  been
• 2:52
  all
• 2:52
  over
• 2:52
  the
• 2:52
  place,
• 2:54
  up
• 2:54
  and
• 2:55
  down.
• 2:55
  And
• 2:56
  yeah,
• 2:57
  it's
• 2:58
  definitely
• 2:59
  a
• 2:59
  water
• 3:00
  influence,
• 3:01
  I
• 3:01
  think,
• 3:01
  like
• 3:02
  just
• 3:02
  trying
• 3:03
  to
• 3:03
  ride
• 3:03
  the
• 3:03
  waves.
• 3:04
  It
• 3:04
  is
• 3:04
  interesting.
• 3:07
  Yeah.
• 3:07
  I'm
• 3:08
  feeling
• 3:09
  buzzy.
• 3:11
  Tbd.
• 3:12
  If
• 3:12
  it's
• 3:13
  related
• 3:13
  to
• 3:14
  the
• 3:14
  moon
• 3:14
  or
• 3:15
  the
• 3:15
  world
• 3:15
  or
• 3:16
  the
• 3:16
  two
• 3:16
  cups
• 3:16
  of.
• 3:16
  Coffee
• 3:17
  I
• 3:17
  had,
• 3:18
  the
• 3:18
  lack
• 3:18
  of
• 3:19
  sleep,
• 3:19
  just
• 3:21
  say
• 3:21
  exactly.
• 3:22
  That's
• 3:22
  what
• 3:22
  I'm
• 3:22
  saying.
• 3:23
  All
• 3:23
  of
• 3:23
  the
• 3:23
  above
• 3:24
  for
• 3:24
  sure.
• 3:24
  Exactly.
• 3:25
  But
• 3:25
  I'm
• 3:26
  feeling
• 3:26
  very
• 3:27
  buzzy
• 3:27
  today.
• 3:30
  And
• 3:30
  I
• 3:30
  have,
• 3:30
  I've
• 3:31
  been.
• 3:31
  Yeah,
• 3:32
  I
• 3:32
  need
• 3:32
  to
• 3:33
  really
• 3:33
  focus
• 3:33
  on
• 3:33
  my
• 3:34
  boundaries
• 3:35
  because
• 3:36
  I
• 3:37
  tell
• 3:37
  you,
• 3:37
  yesterday
• 3:40
  someone
• 3:40
  came
• 3:40
  in
• 3:41
  the
• 3:41
  room
• 3:41
  and
• 3:42
  I
• 3:42
  was
• 3:42
  like,
• 3:42
  anxious,
• 3:43
  like
• 3:44
  flipping
• 3:45
  a
• 3:45
  switch.
• 3:46
  I'm
• 3:46
  like,
• 3:46
  what
• 3:46
  the
• 3:47
  actual.
• 3:48
  And
• 3:49
  I
• 3:49
  was
• 3:49
  like,
• 3:49
  oh,
• 3:49
  that's
• 3:50
  not
• 3:50
  me.
• 3:51
  Okay.
• 3:51
  And
• 3:51
  so
• 3:52
  I
• 3:52
  was
• 3:52
  like,
• 3:52
  woo,
• 3:53
  Boundaries.
• 3:53
  Boundaries.
• 3:54
  Boundaries.
• 3:56
  Energetic
• 3:57
  boundaries.
• 3:57
  Oh
• 3:57
  my
• 3:58
  God.
• 3:58
  Yeah,
• 3:58
  it
• 3:58
  was
• 3:59
  crazy.
• 4:00
  I'm
• 4:00
  like,
• 4:00
  why
• 4:01
  do
• 4:01
  I
• 4:01
  feel
• 4:01
  like
• 4:01
  this?
• 4:02
  Oh,
• 4:02
  it's
• 4:02
  not
• 4:03
  me.
• 4:04
  Gotcha.
• 4:05
  Right?
• 4:07
  It's
• 4:07
  funny
• 4:07
  like
• 4:08
  that,
• 4:08
  you
• 4:08
  know,
• 4:09
  you
• 4:09
  saying
• 4:09
  that
• 4:09
  like
• 4:11
  it's
• 4:11
  something
• 4:11
  that
• 4:12
  I've
• 4:13
  kind
• 4:13
  of
• 4:13
  also
• 4:14
  been
• 4:15
  trying
• 4:15
  to
• 4:16
  work
• 4:16
  through
• 4:17
  myself
• 4:17
  is
• 4:18
  because
• 4:19
  it's
• 4:19
  so
• 4:20
  easy
• 4:20
  for
• 4:20
  me
• 4:20
  to.
• 4:20
  Same
• 4:21
  thing,
• 4:21
  just
• 4:21
  take
• 4:21
  it
• 4:21
  on.
• 4:22
  Like,
• 4:22
  oh
• 4:22
  my
• 4:22
  God.
• 4:22
  All
• 4:22
  of
• 4:22
  a
• 4:22
  sudden
• 4:22
  I
• 4:23
  feel
• 4:23
  like,
• 4:23
  oh,
• 4:23
  it's
• 4:23
  me.
• 4:23
  And
• 4:23
  then
• 4:24
  I'm
• 4:24
  like,
• 4:24
  oh,
• 4:24
  wait
• 4:24
  a
• 4:24
  minute.
• 4:25
  Snot
• 4:25
  me.
• 4:28
  Yeah,
• 4:30
  gotta,
• 4:30
  gotta
• 4:30
  work
• 4:31
  on
• 4:31
  that
• 4:31
  muscle.
• 4:32
  Well,
• 4:32
  it
• 4:33
  sometimes
• 4:33
  even
• 4:33
  just
• 4:33
  takes
• 4:34
  me
• 4:34
  a
• 4:34
  moment
• 4:34
  to
• 4:34
  realize
• 4:35
  or
• 4:36
  to
• 4:36
  discern,
• 4:36
  like
• 4:37
  what's
• 4:37
  mine
• 4:37
  and
• 4:37
  what's
• 4:38
  not
• 4:38
  mine.
• 4:38
  Because
• 4:39
  it
• 4:39
  all
• 4:39
  feels
• 4:39
  like
• 4:39
  mine
• 4:40
  initially,
• 4:40
  but
• 4:41
  it's
• 4:41
  not.
• 4:41
  Yes.
• 4:42
  It's
• 4:43
  very
• 4:43
  easy
• 4:43
  to
• 4:44
  pick
• 4:44
  up
• 4:45
  on
• 4:45
  that
• 4:45
  from
• 4:46
  others.
• 4:48
  Yeah.
• 4:48
  Well,
• 4:49
  I
• 4:49
  feel
• 4:49
  like.
• 4:49
  Yeah.
• 4:50
  Again,
• 4:50
  that
• 4:50
  watery
• 4:51
  thing.
• 4:51
  Right.
• 4:51
  Like,
• 4:52
  it
• 4:52
  kind
• 4:52
  of
• 4:53
  dissolves
• 4:54
  my
• 4:54
  natural
• 4:55
  boundaries
• 4:56
  that
• 4:56
  I've
• 4:56
  been
• 4:56
  working
• 4:57
  on.
• 4:57
  So.
• 5:01
  But
• 5:01
  this
• 5:01
  was.
• 5:02
  This
• 5:03
  was,
• 5:03
  like,
• 5:03
  so
• 5:04
  striking
• 5:04
  that
• 5:05
  it
• 5:05
  was
• 5:05
  kind
• 5:05
  of
• 5:05
  easy
• 5:06
  to
• 5:06
  detect
• 5:06
  because
• 5:07
  I
• 5:07
  was
• 5:07
  just
• 5:08
  sitting
• 5:08
  there
• 5:09
  chilling,
• 5:09
  and
• 5:10
  all
• 5:10
  of
• 5:10
  a
• 5:10
  sudden
• 5:10
  it
• 5:10
  was
• 5:11
  just
• 5:11
  like.
• 5:13
  Like
• 5:14
  what
• 5:14
  the.
• 5:16
  Oh,
• 5:19
  creeping
• 5:19
  in.
• 5:20
  But.
• 5:20
  Yeah.
• 5:21
  But
• 5:21
  even
• 5:21
  recognizing
• 5:22
  that
• 5:22
  it
• 5:22
  was
• 5:22
  happening
• 5:24
  in
• 5:24
  myself,
• 5:25
  I
• 5:25
  mean,
• 5:26
  is
• 5:26
  like,
• 5:26
  whoa,
• 5:27
  I
• 5:27
  feel
• 5:30
  a
• 5:30
  lot
• 5:30
  right
• 5:30
  now.
• 5:31
  What
• 5:31
  is
• 5:31
  going
• 5:31
  on?
• 5:33
  Nothing.
• 5:34
  I'm
• 5:34
  just
• 5:34
  sitting
• 5:35
  here.
• 5:36
  Oh,
• 5:37
  that
• 5:38
  thing
• 5:38
  changed.
• 5:40
  That's
• 5:40
  what's
• 5:41
  going
• 5:41
  on.
• 5:41
  It's
• 5:41
  not
• 5:42
  me.
• 5:42
  It's
• 5:42
  that.
• 5:43
  Gotcha.
• 5:45
  Interesting.
• 5:46
  So,
• 5:47
  yeah.
• 5:48
  Happy
• 5:49
  that
• 5:49
  I've
• 5:49
  made
• 5:49
  that
• 5:50
  much
• 5:50
  progress
• 5:50
  anyway.
• 5:53
  Just
• 5:53
  recognition.
• 5:54
  Yeah,
• 5:54
  Just
• 5:55
  at
• 5:55
  least
• 5:55
  the
• 5:55
  recognition
• 5:56
  and.
• 5:57
  Yeah.
• 5:57
  Ability
• 5:58
  to
• 5:58
  move
• 5:58
  through.
• 6:00
  That.
• 6:01
  Yeah.
• 6:01
  The.
• 6:01
  The
• 6:02
  time
• 6:02
  it
• 6:02
  takes
• 6:05
  my
• 6:05
  not
• 6:06
  having
• 6:06
  my
• 6:07
  brain
• 6:07
  start
• 6:07
  telling
• 6:08
  some
• 6:08
  story
• 6:08
  about
• 6:09
  what
• 6:09
  I'm
• 6:09
  feeling.
• 6:12
  Yes.
• 6:15
  That
• 6:15
  is
• 6:16
  huge
• 6:16
  progress.
• 6:18
  Yep.
• 6:18
  Those
• 6:18
  are
• 6:18
  the
• 6:19
  moments
• 6:19
  when
• 6:19
  you
• 6:21
  see
• 6:21
  the
• 6:22
  work
• 6:22
  working.
• 6:23
  Yeah.
• 6:24
  Right.
• 6:28
  Well,
• 6:29
  it's
• 6:29
  all
• 6:29
  about.
• 6:30
  It's
• 6:30
  all
• 6:30
  about
• 6:30
  you
• 6:30
  today,
• 6:31
  Lady
• 6:32
  Sloan.
• 6:33
  Where
• 6:33
  would
• 6:33
  you
• 6:34
  like
• 6:34
  to
• 6:34
  begin?
• 6:35
  Shall
• 6:35
  we
• 6:36
  begin
• 6:36
  with
• 6:38
  Sloan?
• 6:42
  I
• 6:42
  feel
• 6:43
  like
• 6:43
  I
• 6:43
  have
• 6:43
  to
• 6:45
  introduce
• 6:45
  yourself.
• 6:46
  Yeah,
• 6:47
  yeah.
• 6:48
  Tell
• 6:48
  us
• 6:48
  about
• 6:48
  that
• 6:48
  journey.
• 6:51
  Well,
• 6:54
  why
• 6:54
  Sloan?
• 6:54
  So
• 6:55
  you
• 6:55
  will
• 6:55
  hear
• 6:57
  Erica
• 6:57
  and
• 6:58
  Adriana
• 6:58
  refer
• 6:59
  to
• 6:59
  me
• 6:59
  as
• 6:59
  Stacy
• 6:59
  because
• 7:00
  that
• 7:00
  is
• 7:00
  my
• 7:00
  birth
• 7:01
  name.
• 7:04
  And
• 7:04
  it's
• 7:06
  apparently
• 7:06
  more
• 7:07
  appropriate
• 7:07
  than
• 7:07
  I
• 7:08
  thought
• 7:09
  because
• 7:09
  it
• 7:09
  means
• 7:09
  resurrection.
• 7:12
  My
• 7:12
  north
• 7:12
  node
• 7:13
  is
• 7:13
  in
• 7:13
  Capricorn
• 7:14
  in
• 7:14
  the
• 7:14
  eighth
• 7:14
  house.
• 7:16
  The
• 7:17
  eighth
• 7:17
  house
• 7:17
  is
• 7:17
  about
• 7:18
  rebirth,
• 7:19
  so
• 7:20
  that's
• 7:20
  part
• 7:20
  of
• 7:20
  my
• 7:20
  destiny.
• 7:21
  But
• 7:23
  why
• 7:24
  am
• 7:24
  I
• 7:24
  using
• 7:24
  a
• 7:25
  different
• 7:25
  name?
• 7:28
  I
• 7:29
  was
• 7:29
  sitting
• 7:29
  down
• 7:29
  to
• 7:29
  think
• 7:30
  about
• 7:30
  how
• 7:30
  to
• 7:30
  talk
• 7:31
  about
• 7:31
  this,
• 7:31
  and
• 7:32
  I've
• 7:32
  always
• 7:33
  wanted
• 7:34
  to
• 7:35
  choose
• 7:35
  a
• 7:35
  name
• 7:35
  for
• 7:36
  myself,
• 7:36
  like
• 7:37
  always
• 7:40
  a
• 7:40
  way
• 7:41
  to
• 7:41
  separate
• 7:42
  the
• 7:42
  private
• 7:43
  me
• 7:43
  from
• 7:44
  the
• 7:44
  public
• 7:45
  me.
• 7:46
  And
• 7:48
  more
• 7:49
  astrology.
• 7:50
  This
• 7:50
  might
• 7:50
  be
• 7:51
  because
• 7:51
  my
• 7:51
  sun,
• 7:52
  moon,
• 7:52
  Venus,
• 7:52
  and
• 7:53
  Mercury
• 7:53
  are
• 7:54
  all
• 7:54
  in
• 7:54
  the
• 7:54
  12th
• 7:54
  house,
• 7:56
  which
• 7:56
  is
• 7:56
  very
• 7:56
  private.
• 8:00
  It
• 8:00
  just
• 8:00
  feels
• 8:01
  safer.
• 8:02
  I
• 8:02
  don't
• 8:03
  know.
• 8:03
  And
• 8:03
  I
• 8:04
  don't
• 8:04
  know.
• 8:04
  It
• 8:04
  just
• 8:04
  feels
• 8:05
  right.
• 8:05
  I.
• 8:05
  I
• 8:06
  can't
• 8:06
  explain
• 8:06
  it.
• 8:06
  It
• 8:07
  just.
• 8:07
  That's
• 8:07
  how
• 8:07
  it
• 8:08
  feels.
• 8:08
  So.
• 8:09
  But
• 8:10
  that's
• 8:10
  just
• 8:10
  a
• 8:10
  way
• 8:11
  for
• 8:11
  me
• 8:11
  to
• 8:11
  create,
• 8:12
  like,
• 8:13
  a
• 8:13
  boundary,
• 8:14
  I
• 8:14
  guess.
• 8:15
  It's
• 8:15
  funny,
• 8:15
  we
• 8:15
  were
• 8:15
  just
• 8:15
  talking
• 8:16
  about
• 8:16
  boundaries,
• 8:17
  but
• 8:18
  this
• 8:18
  container
• 8:19
  where
• 8:20
  I
• 8:20
  can
• 8:20
  find
• 8:23
  and
• 8:23
  grow
• 8:24
  this
• 8:25
  creative
• 8:25
  part
• 8:25
  of
• 8:26
  me
• 8:27
  that
• 8:28
  I
• 8:28
  haven't
• 8:29
  made
• 8:29
  space
• 8:29
  for
• 8:31
  previously.
• 8:34
  You
• 8:34
  know,
• 8:35
  I'm
• 8:36
  52,
• 8:37
  so
• 8:37
  I've
• 8:38
  spent
• 8:38
  most
• 8:38
  of
• 8:39
  that
• 8:39
  time
• 8:39
  playing
• 8:40
  roles
• 8:41
  that
• 8:42
  required
• 8:44
  filters
• 8:46
  and
• 8:47
  a
• 8:47
  of
• 8:47
  lot
• 8:47
  level
• 8:47
  of
• 8:48
  keeping
• 8:48
  it
• 8:48
  together.
• 8:49
  For
• 8:49
  other
• 8:49
  people.
• 8:52
  And
• 8:52
  Sloan
• 8:53
  is
• 8:53
  just
• 8:53
  a
• 8:53
  place
• 8:54
  for
• 8:54
  me
• 8:54
  to
• 8:54
  be
• 8:54
  me
• 8:56
  on
• 8:56
  my
• 8:56
  own
• 8:56
  terms.
• 8:58
  But
• 8:59
  as
• 8:59
  I
• 8:59
  was
• 8:59
  going
• 9:00
  through
• 9:00
  this
• 9:00
  process,
• 9:00
  I
• 9:01
  also.
• 9:03
  It's
• 9:03
  helping
• 9:04
  me
• 9:05
  confront
• 9:05
  some
• 9:06
  things
• 9:07
  that
• 9:07
  I'm
• 9:08
  still
• 9:08
  struggling
• 9:08
  with.
• 9:09
  I
• 9:09
  spent
• 9:09
  a
• 9:10
  lot
• 9:10
  of
• 9:11
  my
• 9:11
  life
• 9:12
  trying
• 9:12
  to
• 9:12
  find
• 9:13
  the
• 9:13
  perfect
• 9:13
  words
• 9:15
  so
• 9:15
  that
• 9:16
  other
• 9:16
  people
• 9:17
  would
• 9:17
  understand
• 9:18
  me.
• 9:20
  But
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  think
• 9:22
  I'm
• 9:22
  starting
• 9:23
  to
• 9:23
  realize
• 9:23
  that
• 9:24
  my
• 9:24
  people,
• 9:25
  like
• 9:26
  my
• 9:26
  tribe,
• 9:27
  if
• 9:28
  they
• 9:28
  don't
• 9:28
  already
• 9:29
  understand
• 9:29
  me,
• 9:30
  they'll
• 9:30
  be
• 9:31
  curious.
• 9:31
  They
• 9:32
  will
• 9:32
  seek
• 9:32
  to
• 9:33
  understand.
• 9:34
  Up
• 9:34
  to
• 9:35
  now,
• 9:35
  a
• 9:35
  lot
• 9:35
  of
• 9:35
  people
• 9:35
  have
• 9:36
  just
• 9:36
  refused
• 9:36
  to
• 9:37
  understand.
• 9:37
  They
• 9:38
  don't
• 9:38
  want
• 9:38
  to
• 9:38
  understand,
• 9:39
  or
• 9:40
  they're
• 9:40
  not
• 9:41
  even
• 9:41
  in
• 9:41
  a
• 9:41
  place
• 9:41
  where
• 9:41
  they
• 9:42
  can
• 9:42
  understand.
• 9:43
  And
• 9:44
  I
• 9:44
  don't
• 9:44
  want
• 9:44
  to
• 9:44
  spend
• 9:45
  any
• 9:45
  more
• 9:45
  time
• 9:46
  trying
• 9:46
  to
• 9:46
  meet
• 9:46
  people
• 9:48
  halfway
• 9:49
  when
• 9:49
  they
• 9:49
  can't
• 9:50
  or
• 9:50
  won't
• 9:50
  even
• 9:51
  take
• 9:51
  one
• 9:51
  step
• 9:52
  towards
• 9:52
  that
• 9:53
  middle
• 9:53
  ground.
• 9:55
  So
• 9:55
  while
• 9:56
  I
• 9:57
  aim
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  be
• 9:58
  completely
• 9:58
  authentic
• 9:59
  and
• 9:59
  transparent,
• 10:00
  not
• 10:01
  everyone
• 10:01
  deserves
• 10:02
  access
• 10:03
  to
• 10:04
  certain
• 10:04
  parts
• 10:04
  of
• 10:04
  me.
• 10:05
  And
• 10:06
  part
• 10:07
  of
• 10:07
  what
• 10:07
  I'm
• 10:08
  still
• 10:08
  learning
• 10:09
  is
• 10:09
  to
• 10:10
  stop
• 10:10
  trying
• 10:10
  to
• 10:11
  justify,
• 10:11
  to
• 10:11
  find
• 10:12
  myself,
• 10:12
  to
• 10:12
  make
• 10:13
  other
• 10:13
  people
• 10:13
  more
• 10:13
  comfortable.
• 10:15
  Love
• 10:15
  that.
• 10:16
  You
• 10:16
  know,
• 10:17
  it's
• 10:17
  funny,
• 10:17
  stood
• 10:18
  out
• 10:18
  to
• 10:18
  me
• 10:19
  is
• 10:19
  you.
• 10:20
  You
• 10:20
  saying
• 10:20
  finding
• 10:21
  the
• 10:21
  words
• 10:21
  to
• 10:22
  help
• 10:23
  people
• 10:23
  understand
• 10:23
  you.
• 10:24
  And
• 10:24
  I
• 10:24
  was
• 10:24
  like,
• 10:24
  oh,
• 10:24
  so
• 10:25
  Gemini
• 10:25
  rising
• 10:26
  of
• 10:26
  you.
• 10:29
  Well,
• 10:30
  it
• 10:30
  reminds
• 10:30
  me.
• 10:31
  So,
• 10:31
  like,
• 10:31
  that's
• 10:32
  a.
• 10:32
  That's
• 10:32
  a
• 10:32
  thing
• 10:32
  that
• 10:32
  can
• 10:33
  be
• 10:33
  so
• 10:33
  challenging
• 10:35
  for
• 10:36
  the
• 10:36
  deeply
• 10:37
  feeling
• 10:38
  souls.
• 10:38
  Right?
• 10:39
  It's
• 10:39
  that,
• 10:40
  like,
• 10:40
  it's
• 10:40
  hard
• 10:41
  to
• 10:41
  articulate
• 10:42
  your
• 10:42
  inner
• 10:43
  world,
• 10:44
  and
• 10:44
  it
• 10:44
  gets
• 10:45
  dismissed
• 10:45
  a
• 10:45
  lot.
• 10:46
  Right.
• 10:46
  So
• 10:47
  there's
• 10:47
  this.
• 10:48
  I
• 10:49
  think
• 10:49
  I
• 10:49
  saw
• 10:49
  this,
• 10:49
  like,
• 10:50
  on
• 10:50
  a
• 10:50
  post
• 10:51
  somewhere
• 10:51
  at
• 10:52
  some
• 10:52
  point,
• 10:53
  but
• 10:53
  I
• 10:54
  just
• 10:54
  found
• 10:54
  it.
• 10:54
  It
• 10:55
  said,
• 10:55
  I
• 10:55
  hope
• 10:55
  you
• 10:56
  find
• 10:56
  someone
• 10:56
  who
• 10:56
  speaks
• 10:57
  your
• 10:57
  language
• 10:57
  so
• 10:58
  you
• 10:58
  don't
• 10:58
  have
• 10:58
  to
• 10:58
  spend
• 10:59
  a
• 10:59
  lifetime
• 10:59
  translating
• 11:00
  your
• 11:00
  soul.
• 11:02
  That
• 11:02
  I
• 11:02
  love.
• 11:03
  That
• 11:03
  I
• 11:04
  think
• 11:04
  speaks
• 11:04
  to
• 11:04
  that.
• 11:05
  Like,
• 11:05
  when
• 11:05
  you
• 11:05
  find
• 11:06
  your
• 11:06
  people,
• 11:07
  they
• 11:07
  either
• 11:07
  already
• 11:08
  understand
• 11:08
  or
• 11:09
  help
• 11:09
  you
• 11:09
  find
• 11:09
  the
• 11:10
  words.
• 11:10
  Yeah,
• 11:11
  exactly.
• 11:11
  When
• 11:12
  you're.
• 11:12
  You're
• 11:12
  at
• 11:12
  a
• 11:13
  loss
• 11:13
  for
• 11:13
  words,
• 11:13
  or
• 11:14
  they
• 11:15
  will
• 11:15
  get
• 11:15
  curious
• 11:16
  with
• 11:16
  you
• 11:16
  and
• 11:17
  walk
• 11:17
  through
• 11:17
  it
• 11:18
  with
• 11:18
  you.
• 11:19
  And
• 11:19
  that's.
• 11:20
  That
• 11:20
  is
• 11:21
  really
• 11:21
  cool.
• 11:23
  Can
• 11:23
  you
• 11:23
  remind
• 11:23
  me
• 11:23
  again
• 11:24
  before
• 11:25
  we
• 11:26
  move
• 11:26
  on
• 11:26
  from
• 11:26
  this?
• 11:27
  Why
• 11:27
  did
• 11:28
  you
• 11:28
  choose
• 11:28
  Sloan?
• 11:29
  Was
• 11:29
  there
• 11:29
  something
• 11:30
  in
• 11:30
  particular
• 11:30
  in
• 11:30
  that
• 11:31
  meaning
• 11:31
  that
• 11:31
  gave
• 11:32
  it
• 11:32
  that,
• 11:32
  like,
• 11:34
  full
• 11:34
  body?
• 11:34
  Yes.
• 11:35
  From
• 11:35
  you,
• 11:36
  the
• 11:37
  meaning?
• 11:37
  No.
• 11:37
  The
• 11:38
  word.
• 11:38
  Yes.
• 11:39
  Okay.
• 11:41
  In
• 11:42
  my
• 11:42
  Gemini
• 11:42
  rising,
• 11:43
  I
• 11:44
  love
• 11:44
  words.
• 11:45
  Like
• 11:46
  words.
• 11:47
  I
• 11:47
  love
• 11:47
  using
• 11:48
  words,
• 11:48
  lots
• 11:49
  of
• 11:49
  different
• 11:49
  words,
• 11:50
  knowing
• 11:50
  the
• 11:50
  meaning
• 11:51
  of
• 11:51
  them.
• 11:51
  When
• 11:51
  I
• 11:51
  saw
• 11:52
  the
• 11:52
  meaning
• 11:52
  of
• 11:52
  the
• 11:52
  word
• 11:53
  Sloan,
• 11:53
  which
• 11:53
  was.
• 11:57
  What
• 11:57
  was
• 11:57
  it?
• 11:58
  All
• 11:58
  I
• 11:59
  can
• 11:59
  remember
• 11:59
  is
• 11:59
  sleek
• 12:00
  and
• 12:00
  warrior
• 12:01
  and.
• 12:02
  And
• 12:02
  strong.
• 12:03
  Strong,
• 12:03
  sleek,
• 12:04
  warrior.
• 12:05
  And
• 12:05
  I
• 12:05
  was
• 12:05
  like,
• 12:05
  e,
• 12:06
  I
• 12:06
  don't
• 12:07
  know.
• 12:07
  That
• 12:08
  feels
• 12:08
  too
• 12:09
  big
• 12:09
  for
• 12:09
  me.
• 12:10
  But
• 12:12
  I
• 12:12
  think
• 12:12
  that
• 12:12
  is
• 12:12
  exactly
• 12:13
  you.
• 12:17
  But
• 12:18
  when
• 12:18
  I
• 12:18
  Saw
• 12:18
  Sloan.
• 12:19
  Yeah.
• 12:19
  It
• 12:19
  was
• 12:20
  really
• 12:20
  like,
• 12:20
  yeah,
• 12:21
  my
• 12:21
  Aries
• 12:23
  warrior
• 12:24
  was
• 12:24
  like,
• 12:25
  that's
• 12:26
  it.
• 12:29
  I
• 12:30
  feel
• 12:30
  like
• 12:30
  that's
• 12:30
  a.
• 12:31
  I.
• 12:32
  I
• 12:32
  like
• 12:32
  that
• 12:33
  you
• 12:33
  didn't
• 12:33
  hesitate
• 12:34
  to
• 12:34
  say
• 12:34
  that
• 12:34
  feels
• 12:35
  like
• 12:35
  exactly
• 12:35
  you.
• 12:36
  Because
• 12:36
  it
• 12:36
  does.
• 12:37
  Because
• 12:37
  we
• 12:37
  recognize
• 12:38
  that
• 12:39
  warrior
• 12:39
  doesn't
• 12:39
  always
• 12:40
  have
• 12:40
  to
• 12:40
  be
• 12:40
  loud
• 12:41
  and
• 12:41
  in
• 12:41
  your
• 12:42
  face.
• 12:43
  Sometimes
• 12:44
  warriors
• 12:45
  are
• 12:45
  quiet.
• 12:45
  Quiet
• 12:46
  and
• 12:46
  strong.
• 12:47
  It
• 12:48
  does
• 12:48
  feel
• 12:48
  like
• 12:48
  it
• 12:48
  fits
• 12:50
  very
• 12:50
  much.
• 12:50
  Feels
• 12:50
  like
• 12:50
  it
• 12:51
  fits.
• 12:53
  Okay,
• 12:54
  so
• 12:54
  we
• 12:54
  know
• 12:54
  where
• 12:54
  we
• 12:54
  are
• 12:55
  right
• 12:55
  now
• 12:56
  in
• 12:57
  this
• 12:57
  journey,
• 12:57
  but
• 12:58
  let's
• 12:59
  talk
• 12:59
  a
• 13:00
  little
• 13:00
  bit
• 13:00
  about
• 13:00
  the
• 13:00
  healing
• 13:01
  journey
• 13:01
  to
• 13:02
  get
• 13:02
  to
• 13:02
  this
• 13:02
  point.
• 13:03
  Well,
• 13:04
  I've
• 13:04
  been
• 13:05
  through
• 13:07
  a
• 13:07
  few
• 13:07
  bouts
• 13:08
  of
• 13:08
  depression
• 13:08
  in
• 13:08
  my
• 13:08
  life,
• 13:10
  and
• 13:10
  when
• 13:11
  I
• 13:11
  was
• 13:11
  younger,
• 13:12
  it
• 13:12
  seemed
• 13:13
  simple
• 13:13
  to
• 13:13
  just
• 13:14
  push
• 13:14
  through.
• 13:14
  You
• 13:15
  know,
• 13:15
  just
• 13:15
  keep
• 13:16
  putting
• 13:16
  one
• 13:16
  foot
• 13:16
  in
• 13:16
  front
• 13:17
  of
• 13:17
  the
• 13:17
  other
• 13:17
  until
• 13:18
  I
• 13:18
  felt
• 13:19
  better.
• 13:22
  Not
• 13:22
  that
• 13:22
  it
• 13:22
  was
• 13:22
  instantaneous,
• 13:23
  but,
• 13:23
  you
• 13:24
  know,
• 13:24
  like,
• 13:24
  it.
• 13:25
  It
• 13:25
  felt
• 13:25
  more
• 13:26
  like
• 13:26
  climbing
• 13:26
  a
• 13:26
  mountain,
• 13:28
  if
• 13:28
  that
• 13:28
  makes
• 13:28
  sense.
• 13:29
  Like,
• 13:29
  just
• 13:30
  steady
• 13:31
  progress
• 13:31
  towards
• 13:34
  better.
• 13:37
  But
• 13:37
  my
• 13:37
  last
• 13:37
  round,
• 13:38
  about
• 13:38
  eight
• 13:38
  years
• 13:39
  ago,
• 13:39
  was
• 13:39
  a
• 13:40
  very
• 13:40
  different
• 13:41
  experience.
• 13:43
  Was
• 13:43
  already
• 13:43
  unhappy
• 13:44
  in
• 13:44
  my
• 13:44
  marriage,
• 13:47
  and
• 13:47
  what
• 13:48
  pushed
• 13:48
  me
• 13:48
  over
• 13:48
  the
• 13:48
  edge
• 13:49
  was
• 13:49
  a
• 13:49
  growing
• 13:50
  distance
• 13:50
  between
• 13:50
  a
• 13:51
  longtime
• 13:51
  friend
• 13:52
  and
• 13:52
  then
• 13:52
  a
• 13:53
  sudden
• 13:53
  ending
• 13:54
  of
• 13:54
  a
• 13:55
  friendship
• 13:55
  with
• 13:55
  someone
• 13:55
  that
• 13:56
  I
• 13:56
  saw
• 13:56
  every
• 13:56
  day.
• 13:58
  So
• 13:59
  I
• 13:59
  had
• 13:59
  no
• 14:00
  one
• 14:00
  to
• 14:00
  talk
• 14:00
  to,
• 14:01
  Just
• 14:01
  the
• 14:02
  voice
• 14:02
  in
• 14:02
  my
• 14:03
  head
• 14:04
  that
• 14:04
  deduced
• 14:06
  I
• 14:06
  was
• 14:06
  unlovable
• 14:07
  and
• 14:07
  unworthy.
• 14:08
  And
• 14:12
  I
• 14:12
  think
• 14:12
  this
• 14:12
  is
• 14:12
  similar
• 14:13
  to
• 14:13
  what
• 14:14
  Adriana
• 14:15
  brought
• 14:15
  up.
• 14:16
  On
• 14:16
  the
• 14:17
  outside,
• 14:17
  everything
• 14:18
  seemed
• 14:18
  fine,
• 14:19
  right?
• 14:19
  I
• 14:19
  had
• 14:20
  a
• 14:20
  house.
• 14:20
  I
• 14:20
  had
• 14:20
  a
• 14:21
  husband
• 14:21
  and
• 14:21
  a
• 14:21
  daughter,
• 14:22
  A
• 14:22
  job.
• 14:24
  But
• 14:24
  I
• 14:24
  was
• 14:25
  in
• 14:25
  a
• 14:25
  hole
• 14:27
  so
• 14:27
  dark
• 14:28
  that
• 14:28
  I
• 14:29
  couldn't
• 14:29
  see
• 14:29
  the
• 14:29
  light.
• 14:30
  And
• 14:31
  I
• 14:31
  was
• 14:32
  lucky.
• 14:32
  Really,
• 14:33
  really
• 14:33
  lucky.
• 14:35
  I
• 14:36
  was
• 14:36
  very
• 14:36
  lucky
• 14:37
  to
• 14:37
  find
• 14:37
  a
• 14:38
  job
• 14:38
  where
• 14:38
  I
• 14:38
  got
• 14:39
  to
• 14:39
  help
• 14:39
  other
• 14:39
  people.
• 14:40
  I
• 14:40
  became
• 14:41
  a
• 14:41
  coach.
• 14:42
  And
• 14:43
  I
• 14:44
  won't
• 14:44
  say
• 14:44
  that
• 14:45
  it
• 14:45
  was
• 14:45
  a
• 14:45
  quick
• 14:45
  turnaround.
• 14:46
  It
• 14:47
  was
• 14:47
  far
• 14:48
  from
• 14:48
  it,
• 14:51
  but
• 14:51
  it
• 14:51
  helped
• 14:51
  me
• 14:51
  start
• 14:52
  to
• 14:52
  believe
• 14:52
  in
• 14:52
  myself
• 14:53
  again.
• 14:54
  That
• 14:54
  if
• 14:55
  I
• 14:55
  could
• 14:55
  be
• 14:55
  valuable
• 14:56
  to
• 14:56
  others,
• 14:56
  then
• 14:58
  maybe
• 14:59
  my
• 14:59
  belief
• 15:00
  that
• 15:00
  I
• 15:00
  was
• 15:00
  worthless
• 15:01
  wasn't
• 15:01
  true.
• 15:02
  So
• 15:02
  much
• 15:02
  so
• 15:04
  started
• 15:04
  believing
• 15:05
  in
• 15:05
  myself.
• 15:05
  So
• 15:06
  much
• 15:06
  so
• 15:07
  that
• 15:07
  I
• 15:07
  took
• 15:07
  a
• 15:08
  wild
• 15:08
  leap
• 15:08
  and
• 15:08
  invested
• 15:09
  thousands
• 15:10
  of
• 15:10
  dollars
• 15:10
  in
• 15:10
  myself
• 15:12
  to
• 15:12
  become
• 15:12
  a
• 15:12
  life
• 15:12
  coach,
• 15:13
  which
• 15:13
  is
• 15:13
  huge,
• 15:13
  as
• 15:13
  a
• 15:14
  Taurus,
• 15:14
  FYI.
• 15:18
  But
• 15:19
  that's
• 15:19
  where
• 15:19
  the
• 15:19
  real
• 15:20
  work
• 15:20
  began.
• 15:21
  I
• 15:21
  started
• 15:21
  working
• 15:22
  with
• 15:22
  all
• 15:23
  those
• 15:23
  big
• 15:23
  and
• 15:24
  little
• 15:24
  voices
• 15:25
  in
• 15:25
  my
• 15:25
  head
• 15:25
  instead
• 15:26
  of
• 15:27
  trying
• 15:27
  to
• 15:27
  block
• 15:28
  them
• 15:28
  out
• 15:28
  or
• 15:29
  shove
• 15:29
  them
• 15:29
  down.
• 15:30
  And
• 15:31
  sitting
• 15:31
  here
• 15:32
  today,
• 15:33
  I
• 15:33
  can
• 15:34
  see
• 15:34
  that
• 15:34
  the
• 15:34
  light
• 15:35
  was
• 15:35
  always
• 15:35
  there.
• 15:36
  It
• 15:37
  was
• 15:37
  always
• 15:37
  around
• 15:37
  me
• 15:38
  and
• 15:38
  in
• 15:38
  me.
• 15:39
  And
• 15:39
  that
• 15:40
  kind
• 15:40
  of
• 15:40
  leads
• 15:40
  me
• 15:41
  to
• 15:41
  the
• 15:41
  why.
• 15:42
  For
• 15:42
  me,
• 15:42
  doing
• 15:42
  this
• 15:42
  podcast,
• 15:46
  having
• 15:46
  been
• 15:46
  that
• 15:46
  person
• 15:47
  that
• 15:47
  was
• 15:47
  so
• 15:47
  disconnected
• 15:48
  from
• 15:49
  myself
• 15:49
  and
• 15:49
  others,
• 15:52
  just
• 15:52
  feeling
• 15:53
  so
• 15:54
  lost
• 15:55
  and
• 15:55
  so
• 15:55
  alone,
• 15:58
  I'm
• 15:59
  finally
• 15:59
  in
• 15:59
  a
• 15:59
  place
• 16:00
  where
• 16:00
  I
• 16:00
  know
• 16:00
  that
• 16:00
  I'm
• 16:01
  not
• 16:01
  alone.
• 16:02
  And
• 16:02
  I
• 16:02
  want
• 16:02
  others
• 16:03
  to
• 16:03
  feel
• 16:03
  that
• 16:04
  too.
• 16:06
  Even
• 16:06
  in
• 16:06
  healing,
• 16:07
  you
• 16:07
  know,
• 16:07
  life
• 16:07
  happens
• 16:09
  and
• 16:09
  it's
• 16:09
  gonna
• 16:10
  keep
• 16:10
  happening
• 16:10
  until
• 16:11
  we
• 16:11
  die.
• 16:11
  Right.
• 16:12
  So,
• 16:13
  you
• 16:13
  know,
• 16:13
  people
• 16:13
  leave,
• 16:14
  people
• 16:14
  die,
• 16:15
  they
• 16:15
  hurt
• 16:16
  you,
• 16:16
  you
• 16:16
  hurt
• 16:16
  them.
• 16:17
  All
• 16:17
  of
• 16:18
  that
• 16:18
  doesn't
• 16:18
  change
• 16:19
  just
• 16:19
  because
• 16:19
  you're
• 16:20
  more
• 16:20
  self
• 16:20
  aware
• 16:21
  or
• 16:21
  spiritually
• 16:22
  aligned.
• 16:23
  Right.
• 16:24
  I
• 16:24
  mean,
• 16:26
  are
• 16:27
  there
• 16:27
  days
• 16:27
  that
• 16:28
  I
• 16:28
  just
• 16:28
  want
• 16:28
  to
• 16:28
  go
• 16:28
  back
• 16:29
  to
• 16:29
  being
• 16:30
  completely
• 16:31
  unaware
• 16:31
  and
• 16:32
  just
• 16:33
  moving
• 16:33
  through
• 16:33
  life
• 16:34
  on
• 16:34
  autopilot
• 16:35
  or
• 16:35
  take
• 16:35
  a
• 16:36
  break
• 16:36
  from,
• 16:39
  you
• 16:39
  know,
• 16:39
  all
• 16:40
  of
• 16:40
  it
• 16:40
  all
• 16:41
  just
• 16:41
  knowing
• 16:43
  some
• 16:43
  of
• 16:43
  this
• 16:43
  stuff?
• 16:44
  Yeah,
• 16:44
  but
• 16:45
  life
• 16:46
  is
• 16:46
  messy,
• 16:46
  messy,
• 16:47
  messy.
• 16:48
  I'm
• 16:50
  sitting
• 16:50
  in
• 16:51
  a
• 16:51
  huge
• 16:51
  messy
• 16:52
  life
• 16:52
  right
• 16:52
  now,
• 16:53
  but
• 16:55
  getting
• 16:55
  more
• 16:56
  comfortable
• 16:59
  with
• 16:59
  being
• 17:00
  uncomfortable
• 17:01
  in
• 17:02
  the
• 17:02
  unknown.
• 17:05
  That's
• 17:05
  where
• 17:07
  beauty
• 17:08
  and
• 17:09
  sovereignty
• 17:10
  and
• 17:10
  connection
• 17:12
  to
• 17:12
  yourself
• 17:12
  and
• 17:13
  others
• 17:13
  can
• 17:14
  be
• 17:14
  found.
• 17:16
  Yeah,
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  mean,
• 17:17
  for
• 17:17
  a
• 17:18
  long
• 17:18
  time
• 17:18
  I
• 17:18
  thought
• 17:18
  I
• 17:19
  was
• 17:19
  doing
• 17:19
  the
• 17:19
  work.
• 17:21
  The
• 17:21
  goal
• 17:22
  of
• 17:22
  doing
• 17:22
  the
• 17:22
  work
• 17:22
  was
• 17:23
  to
• 17:23
  like
• 17:23
  reach
• 17:23
  a
• 17:23
  place.
• 17:24
  Like,
• 17:25
  now
• 17:25
  I'm
• 17:26
  safe,
• 17:26
  now
• 17:26
  I'm
• 17:27
  certain.
• 17:28
  But.
• 17:31
  I'm.
• 17:32
  I
• 17:32
  have
• 17:32
  found
• 17:33
  out
• 17:34
  now
• 17:34
  that
• 17:36
  there's
• 17:36
  something
• 17:37
  better.
• 17:38
  It's
• 17:39
  the
• 17:40
  spaciousness,
• 17:41
  it's
• 17:42
  the
• 17:42
  ability
• 17:43
  to
• 17:43
  sit
• 17:43
  in
• 17:44
  the
• 17:44
  middle
• 17:44
  of
• 17:46
  a
• 17:47
  massive
• 17:47
  life
• 17:47
  shift,
• 17:49
  having
• 17:49
  no
• 17:49
  idea
• 17:50
  where
• 17:50
  I'm
• 17:50
  going
• 17:51
  or
• 17:51
  how
• 17:51
  I'm
• 17:52
  going
• 17:52
  to
• 17:52
  get
• 17:52
  there
• 17:53
  and
• 17:53
  realize
• 17:54
  that
• 17:54
  as
• 17:55
  messy
• 17:55
  as
• 17:55
  it
• 17:55
  is,
• 17:56
  I
• 17:57
  am
• 17:57
  no
• 17:57
  longer
• 17:57
  boxed
• 17:58
  in
• 17:58
  and
• 17:58
  trapped
• 17:59
  by
• 17:59
  my
• 17:59
  own
• 17:59
  fear.
• 18:01
  I
• 18:01
  have
• 18:01
  enough
• 18:02
  room
• 18:02
  inside
• 18:03
  me
• 18:03
  now
• 18:03
  to
• 18:04
  hold
• 18:05
  the
• 18:05
  grief
• 18:06
  of
• 18:06
  the
• 18:07
  life
• 18:07
  that
• 18:07
  I
• 18:07
  had,
• 18:09
  the
• 18:09
  excitement
• 18:10
  for,
• 18:10
  the
• 18:10
  life
• 18:10
  that
• 18:11
  I'm
• 18:11
  building,
• 18:12
  and
• 18:12
  every
• 18:12
  other
• 18:13
  emotion
• 18:13
  that
• 18:14
  pops
• 18:14
  up.
• 18:16
  And
• 18:17
  so
• 18:17
  I've
• 18:17
  started.
• 18:19
  Stopped
• 18:21
  trying
• 18:21
  to
• 18:22
  find
• 18:22
  the
• 18:22
  exit
• 18:25
  and
• 18:25
  just
• 18:26
  started
• 18:26
  enjoying
• 18:27
  the
• 18:27
  expanse.
• 18:31
  Excuse
• 18:32
  me,
• 18:32
  little
• 18:33
  birds.
• 18:33
  My
• 18:33
  goodness.
• 18:34
  Okay,
• 18:36
  I
• 18:36
  don't
• 18:36
  even
• 18:36
  want
• 18:37
  to
• 18:37
  ask
• 18:37
  follow
• 18:37
  up
• 18:37
  questions,
• 18:38
  my
• 18:38
  goodness.
• 18:39
  Except
• 18:40
  that
• 18:40
  I
• 18:40
  have
• 18:40
  about
• 18:40
  a
• 18:41
  thousand
• 18:41
  and
• 18:42
  I'm
• 18:42
  going
• 18:43
  to
• 18:43
  give
• 18:43
  you
• 18:43
  options
• 18:44
  and
• 18:44
  then
• 18:44
  you
• 18:44
  can
• 18:45
  which
• 18:45
  thread
• 18:45
  you
• 18:46
  want
• 18:46
  to
• 18:46
  pull
• 18:46
  on.
• 18:46
  Okay.
• 18:48
  Because
• 18:48
  there's
• 18:49
  a
• 18:49
  lot
• 18:49
  in
• 18:49
  there.
• 18:51
  Yeah,
• 18:52
  you
• 18:52
  said
• 18:54
  like
• 18:54
  eight
• 18:54
  years
• 18:55
  ago
• 18:56
  there
• 18:56
  was
• 18:56
  just
• 18:57
  this
• 18:57
  sort
• 18:57
  of
• 18:57
  general
• 18:58
  unhappiness.
• 19:01
  What
• 19:01
  was
• 19:02
  the.
• 19:03
  What
• 19:03
  was
• 19:04
  the
• 19:04
  root
• 19:04
  of
• 19:04
  that?
• 19:04
  And
• 19:05
  maybe
• 19:05
  you
• 19:05
  didn't
• 19:05
  know
• 19:05
  at
• 19:06
  the
• 19:06
  time,
• 19:06
  but
• 19:06
  like
• 19:06
  now
• 19:07
  in
• 19:07
  retrospect,
• 19:08
  right?
• 19:08
  Like
• 19:08
  was
• 19:08
  it.
• 19:10
  Was
• 19:10
  it
• 19:10
  shoulds
• 19:11
  or
• 19:11
  just
• 19:12
  that
• 19:12
  it
• 19:13
  felt
• 19:13
  like
• 19:13
  it
• 19:13
  wasn't
• 19:13
  yours?
• 19:14
  Or
• 19:14
  was
• 19:14
  it
• 19:15
  something
• 19:15
  else?
• 19:17
  Or.
• 19:19
  I
• 19:19
  guess
• 19:19
  I
• 19:19
  also.
• 19:20
  So
• 19:20
  here's
• 19:21
  option
• 19:21
  two.
• 19:21
  I
• 19:22
  also
• 19:22
  want
• 19:22
  to
• 19:22
  know
• 19:23
  how
• 19:23
  did
• 19:24
  that
• 19:24
  opportunity
• 19:25
  to
• 19:25
  become
• 19:25
  a
• 19:25
  coach
• 19:26
  even
• 19:26
  come
• 19:26
  across
• 19:27
  your
• 19:27
  lap
• 19:27
  and
• 19:28
  what
• 19:28
  made
• 19:28
  you
• 19:28
  say
• 19:28
  yes,
• 19:29
  even
• 19:29
  in
• 19:30
  the
• 19:30
  midst
• 19:30
  of
• 19:30
  that,
• 19:30
  like,
• 19:31
  kind
• 19:31
  of
• 19:31
  darkness?
• 19:32
  Choose
• 19:33
  your
• 19:33
  own
• 19:33
  adventure.
• 19:34
  That
• 19:34
  one's
• 19:34
  easier.
• 19:35
  Okay.
• 19:36
  The
• 19:36
  other
• 19:36
  one
• 19:36
  might
• 19:36
  be
• 19:36
  a
• 19:37
  good
• 19:38
  podcast
• 19:39
  topic
• 19:40
  episode.
• 19:41
  Yeah,.
• 19:45
  That's
• 19:45
  nine
• 19:45
  giggles,
• 19:46
  by
• 19:46
  the
• 19:46
  way.
• 19:47
  So
• 19:47
  just
• 19:49
  not
• 19:49
  keeping
• 19:50
  tally
• 19:50
  marks
• 19:50
  on
• 19:50
  my
• 19:52
  nine.
• 19:52
  Nine
• 19:52
  nerve
• 19:53
  for
• 19:53
  me.
• 19:53
  Giggling.
• 19:54
  Nine
• 19:54
  nervous
• 19:54
  giggles.
• 19:55
  That's.
• 19:57
  I
• 19:57
  love
• 19:57
  that
• 19:57
  you're
• 19:58
  counting
• 19:58
  them.
• 19:59
  It's
• 20:00
  one
• 20:00
  of
• 20:00
  your
• 20:00
  most
• 20:00
  endearing
• 20:01
  qualities.
• 20:02
  Yeah.
• 20:02
  How
• 20:02
  you
• 20:03
  talk
• 20:03
  about
• 20:03
  hard
• 20:03
  things
• 20:04
  with
• 20:04
  a
• 20:04
  little
• 20:04
  giggle.
• 20:05
  Well,
• 20:06
  that's
• 20:06
  how
• 20:06
  I
• 20:06
  roll.
• 20:09
  We
• 20:09
  like
• 20:09
  it.
• 20:11
  Yeah.
• 20:12
  I.
• 20:13
  It
• 20:13
  was.
• 20:17
  I
• 20:17
  now
• 20:17
  realize,
• 20:18
  having
• 20:18
  studied
• 20:19
  some
• 20:19
  human
• 20:20
  design,
• 20:20
  not
• 20:21
  studied
• 20:21
  human
• 20:22
  design
• 20:22
  in
• 20:22
  general,
• 20:22
  but
• 20:22
  for
• 20:23
  myself,
• 20:24
  my
• 20:24
  networking
• 20:25
  is
• 20:26
  how
• 20:26
  I
• 20:26
  succeed
• 20:27
  or
• 20:27
  do
• 20:28
  things.
• 20:28
  And
• 20:29
  someone
• 20:29
  I
• 20:29
  know
• 20:31
  that
• 20:31
  I
• 20:31
  worked
• 20:32
  with
• 20:33
  came
• 20:34
  up
• 20:34
  to
• 20:34
  me
• 20:34
  and
• 20:34
  was
• 20:35
  like,
• 20:35
  hey,
• 20:35
  we're
• 20:36
  doing
• 20:36
  this
• 20:36
  thing.
• 20:38
  Like,
• 20:38
  it's
• 20:38
  all
• 20:38
  volunteer
• 20:39
  right
• 20:39
  now,
• 20:40
  but
• 20:40
  I
• 20:40
  think
• 20:40
  you'd
• 20:40
  be
• 20:40
  really
• 20:41
  good
• 20:41
  at
• 20:41
  it.
• 20:42
  And
• 20:43
  it's
• 20:44
  a
• 20:44
  coach.
• 20:44
  It's
• 20:44
  a
• 20:44
  team
• 20:45
  coach,
• 20:45
  essentially.
• 20:48
  And
• 20:48
  they're
• 20:49
  like,
• 20:49
  I
• 20:49
  think
• 20:49
  you'd
• 20:49
  be
• 20:49
  really
• 20:50
  great
• 20:50
  at
• 20:50
  it.
• 20:50
  And
• 20:51
  I
• 20:51
  was
• 20:51
  like,
• 20:51
  sure,
• 20:53
  I'll
• 20:53
  shadow
• 20:54
  you.
• 20:54
  You
• 20:54
  know,
• 20:55
  like,
• 20:55
  see
• 20:55
  what
• 20:55
  it's
• 20:56
  all
• 20:56
  about.
• 20:56
  And.
• 20:59
  And
• 20:59
  then
• 21:00
  when
• 21:00
  they
• 21:00
  actually
• 21:03
  created
• 21:04
  the
• 21:04
  team,
• 21:04
  like,
• 21:05
  for
• 21:05
  real,
• 21:05
  not
• 21:06
  just,
• 21:07
  like,
• 21:07
  testing
• 21:07
  out
• 21:08
  if
• 21:08
  it
• 21:08
  would
• 21:08
  work,
• 21:09
  and
• 21:09
  when
• 21:09
  they're
• 21:09
  like,
• 21:10
  yeah,
• 21:10
  this
• 21:10
  is
• 21:10
  fantastic.
• 21:11
  Let's
• 21:12
  do
• 21:12
  it,
• 21:12
  and
• 21:12
  they
• 21:12
  posted
• 21:12
  the
• 21:13
  position,
• 21:13
  I
• 21:14
  got
• 21:15
  the
• 21:15
  job.
• 21:15
  That
• 21:15
  was
• 21:16
  it.
• 21:16
  Networking.
• 21:17
  Like,
• 21:17
  somebody
• 21:18
  I
• 21:18
  knew
• 21:18
  said,
• 21:19
  you'd
• 21:19
  be
• 21:19
  good
• 21:20
  at
• 21:20
  this.
• 21:22
  How
• 21:22
  long
• 21:22
  were
• 21:22
  you
• 21:23
  doing
• 21:23
  that
• 21:23
  before
• 21:23
  you
• 21:23
  decided
• 21:24
  to
• 21:24
  take
• 21:24
  the.
• 21:25
  The
• 21:25
  coaching
• 21:25
  course?
• 21:27
  That
• 21:28
  was
• 21:28
  in
• 21:28
  2018.
• 21:29
  Well,
• 21:30
  that
• 21:30
  actually
• 21:31
  they
• 21:31
  offered
• 21:32
  me
• 21:32
  the
• 21:33
  shadowing
• 21:33
  thing,
• 21:35
  so
• 21:35
  I
• 21:35
  voluntarily
• 21:36
  did
• 21:37
  the
• 21:37
  team
• 21:38
  coach
• 21:38
  for
• 21:38
  a
• 21:39
  year,
• 21:39
  so
• 21:39
  2017
• 21:40
  to
• 21:40
  2018.
• 21:41
  And
• 21:41
  then
• 21:42
  when
• 21:42
  did
• 21:42
  we
• 21:43
  do
• 21:43
  this
• 21:43
  school?
• 21:45
  2023.
• 21:46
  Three
• 21:48
  y.
• 21:49
  So
• 21:50
  six
• 21:50
  years.
• 21:51
  And
• 21:51
  I
• 21:51
  had
• 21:52
  been
• 21:52
  learning
• 21:53
  things
• 21:54
  there.
• 21:55
  Like,
• 21:56
  you're
• 21:56
  never
• 21:56
  not
• 21:56
  learning.
• 21:59
  That's
• 22:00
  true.
• 22:00
  But
• 22:00
  I
• 22:00
  mean,
• 22:01
  like,
• 22:01
  coaching
• 22:01
  teams,
• 22:02
  like,
• 22:03
  it
• 22:03
  was
• 22:03
  a
• 22:03
  work
• 22:03
  thing.
• 22:03
  Right?
• 22:04
  So,
• 22:04
  like,
• 22:04
  coaching
• 22:05
  teams,
• 22:05
  you
• 22:05
  know,
• 22:06
  like,
• 22:06
  how
• 22:07
  to
• 22:09
  get
• 22:09
  teams
• 22:10
  to
• 22:10
  agree.
• 22:11
  How
• 22:11
  to
• 22:11
  get
• 22:11
  them
• 22:11
  to
• 22:12
  work
• 22:12
  better
• 22:12
  together.
• 22:13
  Like,
• 22:13
  and
• 22:13
  not
• 22:14
  get
• 22:14
  them
• 22:14
  to,
• 22:14
  but,
• 22:15
  like,
• 22:15
  coach
• 22:16
  them.
• 22:16
  Like,
• 22:16
  coach
• 22:17
  them.
• 22:18
  And
• 22:18
  when
• 22:18
  I
• 22:18
  realized,
• 22:20
  even
• 22:20
  today,
• 22:21
  my
• 22:21
  boss
• 22:21
  will
• 22:21
  say,
• 22:21
  hey,
• 22:22
  if
• 22:22
  you
• 22:22
  want
• 22:22
  to
• 22:22
  learn
• 22:22
  how
• 22:22
  to
• 22:23
  code,
• 22:23
  there's
• 22:23
  always
• 22:24
  a
• 22:24
  job
• 22:24
  for
• 22:24
  you.
• 22:25
  You
• 22:25
  know,
• 22:25
  like.
• 22:26
  And
• 22:27
  I
• 22:27
  could.
• 22:28
  Like,
• 22:28
  I
• 22:28
  find
• 22:29
  it
• 22:29
  interesting,
• 22:29
  you
• 22:30
  know,
• 22:30
  building
• 22:30
  things,
• 22:30
  making
• 22:31
  things,
• 22:32
  thinking
• 22:33
  about.
• 22:33
  And
• 22:33
  technology
• 22:34
  moves
• 22:35
  so
• 22:35
  fast
• 22:35
  now.
• 22:37
  It
• 22:37
  would
• 22:38
  definitely
• 22:38
  be
• 22:38
  a
• 22:38
  fun
• 22:39
  challenge,
• 22:39
  but
• 22:40
  people,
• 22:41
  I
• 22:41
  think,
• 22:41
  are
• 22:41
  way
• 22:42
  more
• 22:43
  challenging.
• 22:46
  They
• 22:46
  make
• 22:46
  much
• 22:46
  less
• 22:47
  sense.
• 22:50
  They
• 22:50
  are
• 22:50
  logical,
• 22:51
  usually.
• 22:52
  So
• 22:52
  it's.
• 22:53
  It's
• 22:53
  super
• 22:54
  challenging.
• 22:54
  I
• 22:54
  will
• 22:54
  never
• 22:55
  be
• 22:55
  bored
• 22:55
  as
• 22:55
  a
• 22:56
  coach.
• 22:57
  Okay.
• 22:58
  I
• 22:59
  love
• 22:59
  that.
• 23:00
  I
• 23:01
  love
• 23:01
  that
• 23:01
  it
• 23:01
  came
• 23:01
  about
• 23:01
  by
• 23:02
  someone
• 23:03
  noticing
• 23:04
  something
• 23:05
  that
• 23:05
  maybe
• 23:05
  would
• 23:06
  have
• 23:06
  been
• 23:06
  hard
• 23:06
  for
• 23:06
  you
• 23:07
  to
• 23:07
  see
• 23:07
  in
• 23:07
  that
• 23:07
  moment,
• 23:09
  but
• 23:09
  you
• 23:09
  said
• 23:09
  yes
• 23:10
  anyway.
• 23:12
  Yeah.
• 23:13
  Yeah.
• 23:14
  Just
• 23:14
  being
• 23:14
  open.
• 23:15
  Right.
• 23:15
  Even
• 23:16
  though
• 23:16
  I
• 23:16
  was
• 23:16
  a
• 23:17
  mess,
• 23:18
  I
• 23:19
  had
• 23:19
  almost
• 23:19
  no
• 23:20
  belief
• 23:20
  in
• 23:20
  myself.
• 23:21
  Whatsoever
• 23:23
  I
• 23:23
  was
• 23:23
  open
• 23:23
  enough
• 23:24
  to
• 23:24
  hear
• 23:24
  what
• 23:24
  somebody
• 23:24
  else
• 23:25
  had
• 23:25
  to
• 23:25
  say.
• 23:25
  Well,
• 23:27
  and
• 23:27
  it's
• 23:27
  almost
• 23:27
  like
• 23:28
  I
• 23:28
  think
• 23:28
  for
• 23:29
  me
• 23:29
  sometimes
• 23:31
  the
• 23:31
  reason
• 23:31
  that,
• 23:32
  the
• 23:32
  reason
• 23:32
  that
• 23:33
  kind
• 23:33
  of
• 23:33
  stuff
• 23:33
  can
• 23:33
  work
• 23:34
  is
• 23:34
  because
• 23:34
  it's
• 23:34
  almost
• 23:35
  like
• 23:35
  a
• 23:35
  distraction
• 23:36
  from
• 23:36
  myself.
• 23:37
  That's
• 23:37
  how
• 23:37
  it
• 23:38
  feels
• 23:38
  for
• 23:38
  me.
• 23:38
  It's
• 23:39
  like,
• 23:39
  okay,
• 23:39
  well,
• 23:39
  my
• 23:40
  shit's
• 23:40
  a
• 23:40
  hot
• 23:40
  mess
• 23:41
  right
• 23:41
  now,
• 23:41
  but
• 23:42
  maybe
• 23:42
  I
• 23:42
  can
• 23:42
  just
• 23:43
  busy
• 23:43
  myself
• 23:43
  with
• 23:44
  what's
• 23:44
  going
• 23:44
  on
• 23:44
  over
• 23:45
  here
• 23:45
  and
• 23:45
  I
• 23:45
  could
• 23:46
  feel
• 23:46
  helpful
• 23:46
  and
• 23:46
  useful.
• 23:48
  Um,
• 23:48
  but
• 23:48
  then
• 23:49
  that
• 23:49
  actually
• 23:49
  helps
• 23:49
  kind
• 23:50
  of
• 23:50
  like
• 23:50
  pull
• 23:50
  you
• 23:51
  out
• 23:51
  of
• 23:51
  it.
• 23:52
  Yeah.
• 23:53
  No,
• 23:53
  this
• 23:54
  to
• 23:54
  me
• 23:54
  was
• 23:54
  like
• 23:55
  I
• 23:55
  was
• 23:55
  already
• 23:56
  doing
• 23:56
  a
• 23:57
  job.
• 23:58
  Like
• 23:58
  I
• 23:58
  had
• 23:58
  a
• 23:59
  full
• 23:59
  time
• 23:59
  job
• 23:59
  at
• 24:00
  work
• 24:01
  and
• 24:01
  this
• 24:01
  was
• 24:01
  another
• 24:02
  part
• 24:03
  time
• 24:03
  job
• 24:03
  on
• 24:04
  top
• 24:04
  of
• 24:04
  that
• 24:04
  job.
• 24:05
  It
• 24:05
  was
• 24:05
  literally
• 24:06
  me
• 24:06
  just
• 24:06
  trying
• 24:07
  to
• 24:07
  fill
• 24:09
  the
• 24:09
  hole
• 24:10
  with
• 24:11
  other
• 24:11
  things.
• 24:12
  Yeah,
• 24:13
  yeah.
• 24:15
  Now
• 24:16
  this
• 24:16
  all
• 24:16
  happened
• 24:16
  around
• 24:17
  the
• 24:17
  same
• 24:17
  time
• 24:17
  that
• 24:18
  you
• 24:18
  were.
• 24:19
  Yeah.
• 24:19
  Having
• 24:20
  the
• 24:20
  hard
• 24:20
  time
• 24:21
  like
• 24:21
  this.
• 24:21
  This
• 24:21
  is
• 24:21
  when
• 24:22
  like
• 24:22
  the
• 24:22
  whole,
• 24:23
  for
• 24:23
  lack
• 24:23
  of
• 24:23
  a
• 24:23
  better
• 24:24
  word,
• 24:24
  like
• 24:24
  everything,
• 24:24
  like,
• 24:25
  hit
• 24:25
  the
• 24:26
  fan
• 24:26
  for
• 24:26
  you.
• 24:26
  Oh,
• 24:26
  yeah,
• 24:27
  absolutely.
• 24:28
  Yes.
• 24:28
  But
• 24:28
  it's
• 24:28
  funny
• 24:29
  how.
• 24:29
  Because
• 24:30
  it's
• 24:30
  always
• 24:30
  in
• 24:30
  hindsight
• 24:31
  right.
• 24:31
  When
• 24:31
  you
• 24:31
  can
• 24:31
  look
• 24:31
  back
• 24:32
  at
• 24:32
  things,
• 24:32
  but
• 24:32
  it's
• 24:32
  funny
• 24:33
  how
• 24:34
  you
• 24:35
  feel
• 24:35
  like
• 24:35
  hit
• 24:36
  the
• 24:36
  fan
• 24:36
  and
• 24:36
  everything
• 24:36
  might
• 24:36
  have
• 24:37
  been
• 24:37
  falling
• 24:37
  apart.
• 24:37
  That's
• 24:38
  how
• 24:38
  you
• 24:38
  might
• 24:38
  have
• 24:38
  felt.
• 24:39
  But
• 24:39
  it's
• 24:39
  actually
• 24:39
  falling
• 24:40
  into
• 24:40
  place.
• 24:41
  Right.
• 24:42
  Like
• 24:42
  now
• 24:42
  that
• 24:42
  you
• 24:42
  look
• 24:42
  back.
• 24:43
  Right.
• 24:43
  It's
• 24:43
  almost
• 24:44
  like,
• 24:44
  oh,
• 24:45
  even
• 24:45
  though
• 24:45
  it
• 24:46
  hurt.
• 24:46
  It
• 24:46
  was
• 24:46
  because,
• 24:48
  like
• 24:48
  that
• 24:49
  change,
• 24:50
  even
• 24:50
  though
• 24:50
  you
• 24:50
  can't
• 24:50
  see
• 24:51
  it
• 24:51
  at
• 24:51
  the.
• 24:51
  At
• 24:51
  the
• 24:52
  time,
• 24:53
  how
• 24:53
  much
• 24:53
  it
• 24:54
  hurts,
• 24:54
  but
• 24:54
  it
• 24:54
  was
• 24:55
  like,
• 24:55
  because
• 24:55
  it
• 24:55
  was
• 24:55
  like
• 24:56
  now
• 24:56
  you
• 24:56
  were
• 24:56
  putting
• 24:56
  on
• 24:57
  the
• 24:57
  path
• 24:57
  that
• 24:57
  you're
• 24:57
  meant
• 24:57
  to
• 24:58
  be.
• 24:59
  Yeah.
• 25:04
  Yeah,
• 25:05
  sorry.
• 25:06
  I
• 25:06
  just
• 25:06
  realized
• 25:07
  something
• 25:07
  as
• 25:07
  you
• 25:07
  were
• 25:07
  saying
• 25:08
  that.
• 25:08
  Yeah.
• 25:10
  I
• 25:10
  might
• 25:10
  not
• 25:10
  have
• 25:11
  taken
• 25:11
  it
• 25:13
  if
• 25:13
  I
• 25:13
  had
• 25:14
  still
• 25:14
  been
• 25:14
  friends
• 25:15
  with
• 25:15
  the
• 25:15
  person
• 25:15
  that
• 25:16
  cut
• 25:16
  me
• 25:16
  off
• 25:16
  because
• 25:16
  she
• 25:17
  did
• 25:17
  not
• 25:17
  like
• 25:17
  the
• 25:18
  person
• 25:18
  that
• 25:18
  gave
• 25:18
  me
• 25:19
  the
• 25:19
  opportunity.
• 25:22
  And
• 25:22
  you
• 25:22
  were
• 25:23
  not
• 25:23
  taking
• 25:23
  it
• 25:23
  out.
• 25:23
  Of
• 25:23
  loyalty
• 25:25
  because
• 25:25
  it
• 25:25
  would
• 25:26
  have
• 25:26
  caused
• 25:26
  problems.
• 25:26
  Yes.
• 25:27
  Wow.
• 25:28
  In
• 25:28
  your
• 25:29
  head
• 25:29
  about
• 25:29
  it.
• 25:29
  That's
• 25:30
  interesting.
• 25:33
  So
• 25:33
  the
• 25:33
  universe
• 25:34
  said,
• 25:34
  we
• 25:34
  got
• 25:34
  to
• 25:34
  remove
• 25:35
  her
• 25:36
  because
• 25:37
  this
• 25:37
  is
• 25:37
  for
• 25:37
  you.
• 25:39
  And
• 25:40
  the
• 25:40
  universe
• 25:40
  knew.
• 25:41
  Wow.
• 25:41
  Woof.
• 25:42
  That's
• 25:42
  hard.
• 25:43
  Yeah.
• 25:46
  I've
• 25:46
  never
• 25:46
  thought
• 25:47
  about
• 25:47
  that
• 25:47
  before.
• 25:47
  The
• 25:47
  universe
• 25:48
  works
• 25:48
  in
• 25:48
  mysterious
• 25:49
  ways.
• 25:50
  I'm
• 25:50
  always
• 25:50
  so
• 25:50
  amazed,
• 25:51
  like
• 25:51
  looking
• 25:51
  back
• 25:52
  at
• 25:52
  how.
• 25:53
  Right
• 25:53
  when
• 25:53
  you
• 25:54
  actually
• 25:54
  look
• 25:54
  back
• 25:54
  and.
• 25:55
  See
• 25:56
  how
• 25:56
  clear
• 25:56
  it
• 25:57
  is.
• 25:58
  Yeah.
• 25:58
  You're
• 25:58
  like,
• 25:58
  oh
• 25:58
  my
• 25:59
  God,
• 25:59
  that's
• 25:59
  why
• 25:59
  it
• 25:59
  had
• 25:59
  to
• 25:59
  happen.
• 25:59
  And
• 26:00
  you're
• 26:00
  like,
• 26:00
  thank
• 26:00
  God.
• 26:01
  Right?
• 26:02
  You
• 26:03
  know,
• 26:03
  it's
• 26:03
  like
• 26:03
  I
• 26:03
  was
• 26:04
  so
• 26:04
  hurt.
• 26:05
  Right.
• 26:06
  Yeah.
• 26:06
  Are
• 26:07
  you
• 26:07
  in
• 26:07
  the
• 26:07
  thank
• 26:07
  God
• 26:08
  place
• 26:08
  yet?
• 26:14
  I
• 26:14
  guess
• 26:14
  I'm
• 26:14
  grateful.
• 26:15
  I
• 26:15
  mean,
• 26:15
  I've
• 26:16
  been
• 26:16
  grateful
• 26:16
  for
• 26:16
  a
• 26:17
  while.
• 26:17
  Do
• 26:17
  you
• 26:17
  know
• 26:18
  what
• 26:18
  I
• 26:18
  mean?
• 26:18
  Like,
• 26:19
  because
• 26:23
  I
• 26:23
  did
• 26:24
  realize
• 26:25
  without
• 26:25
  feeling
• 26:26
  like
• 26:26
  I
• 26:26
  lost
• 26:27
  everything,
• 26:27
  that
• 26:28
  I
• 26:28
  would
• 26:28
  not
• 26:28
  have
• 26:29
  found
• 26:29
  the
• 26:29
  other
• 26:30
  way,
• 26:30
  if
• 26:31
  that
• 26:31
  makes
• 26:31
  sense.
• 26:32
  Like,
• 26:33
  I
• 26:33
  would
• 26:33
  have
• 26:33
  just
• 26:33
  kept
• 26:34
  doing
• 26:34
  what
• 26:34
  I
• 26:34
  was
• 26:34
  doing.
• 26:35
  Right.
• 26:36
  Like,
• 26:36
  because
• 26:36
  it
• 26:36
  was
• 26:37
  working.
• 26:39
  I
• 26:39
  mean,
• 26:39
  it
• 26:39
  wasn't
• 26:41
  good,
• 26:42
  but
• 26:44
  it
• 26:45
  was
• 26:45
  okay.
• 26:46
  I
• 26:46
  mean,
• 26:46
  I
• 26:47
  had
• 26:47
  a
• 26:47
  paycheck
• 26:47
  and
• 26:48
  you
• 26:48
  know
• 26:48
  what
• 26:48
  I
• 26:48
  mean?
• 26:49
  Like,
• 26:49
  it
• 26:49
  was
• 26:49
  the
• 26:49
  bare
• 26:50
  minimum.
• 26:51
  Well,
• 26:52
  wait.
• 26:52
  So,
• 26:52
  okay,
• 26:53
  without
• 26:53
  feeling
• 26:54
  like
• 26:54
  you
• 26:54
  lost
• 26:54
  everything.
• 26:54
  So
• 26:55
  was
• 26:55
  it
• 26:55
  like
• 26:55
  a.
• 26:57
  Was
• 26:57
  it
• 26:57
  a.
• 26:58
  A
• 26:58
  moment
• 26:58
  of
• 26:58
  like,
• 26:59
  I've
• 26:59
  got
• 26:59
  nothing
• 27:00
  left
• 27:00
  to
• 27:00
  lose,
• 27:00
  I
• 27:01
  might
• 27:01
  as
• 27:01
  well
• 27:02
  do
• 27:02
  something
• 27:03
  kind
• 27:03
  of
• 27:04
  feeling,
• 27:04
  or
• 27:05
  was
• 27:05
  it
• 27:05
  a.
• 27:07
  Maybe
• 27:07
  a
• 27:08
  little
• 27:08
  bit?
• 27:11
  It
• 27:11
  didn't
• 27:12
  feel
• 27:12
  like
• 27:12
  that.
• 27:12
  It
• 27:13
  felt
• 27:13
  like.
• 27:13
  What
• 27:14
  did
• 27:14
  it
• 27:14
  feel
• 27:14
  like?
• 27:16
  It
• 27:16
  felt
• 27:17
  validating,
• 27:18
  I
• 27:19
  guess.
• 27:19
  Like,
• 27:20
  to
• 27:20
  be
• 27:21
  asked
• 27:22
  to
• 27:22
  be
• 27:22
  worthy.
• 27:22
  Yeah.
• 27:23
  To
• 27:23
  do
• 27:23
  something.
• 27:24
  Like
• 27:24
  when
• 27:24
  I
• 27:24
  felt
• 27:25
  so
• 27:25
  worthless.
• 27:27
  Okay.
• 27:30
  Like,
• 27:30
  I
• 27:31
  see
• 27:32
  your
• 27:32
  value.
• 27:34
  I
• 27:34
  think
• 27:34
  you
• 27:35
  can
• 27:35
  use
• 27:35
  it
• 27:35
  here.
• 27:36
  Like
• 27:37
  that.
• 27:38
  That's
• 27:38
  what
• 27:38
  it
• 27:38
  felt
• 27:39
  like.
• 27:41
  Okay.
• 27:42
  I
• 27:42
  love
• 27:42
  that.
• 27:44
  I
• 27:45
  feel
• 27:45
  like
• 27:45
  you're
• 27:45
  always
• 27:45
  given
• 27:46
  a
• 27:46
  little
• 27:46
  something
• 27:46
  when
• 27:46
  something's
• 27:47
  taken
• 27:47
  away.
• 27:49
  Yeah.
• 27:50
  No,
• 27:50
  I
• 27:50
  was
• 27:51
  giving
• 27:51
  a
• 27:51
  huge
• 27:51
  something.
• 27:54
  A
• 27:54
  life
• 27:54
  changing
• 27:55
  something.
• 27:55
  Yeah.
• 27:56
  Did
• 27:57
  you
• 27:57
  see
• 27:57
  it
• 27:57
  that
• 27:57
  way
• 27:57
  at
• 27:58
  the
• 27:58
  time?
• 27:58
  I
• 27:58
  think
• 27:58
  I
• 27:59
  saw
• 27:59
  the
• 27:59
  potential
• 27:59
  once
• 28:00
  I
• 28:00
  understood
• 28:00
  what
• 28:01
  it
• 28:01
  was.
• 28:01
  Because
• 28:02
  I
• 28:02
  didn't
• 28:02
  know.
• 28:03
  I
• 28:03
  had
• 28:03
  no
• 28:04
  idea
• 28:04
  what
• 28:04
  the
• 28:04
  job
• 28:05
  was.
• 28:07
  I
• 28:07
  went
• 28:07
  into
• 28:07
  a
• 28:08
  blind.
• 28:08
  Never
• 28:08
  heard
• 28:08
  of
• 28:08
  it
• 28:09
  at
• 28:09
  all.
• 28:10
  And
• 28:10
  it
• 28:10
  even
• 28:11
  caused
• 28:11
  some
• 28:11
  friction.
• 28:12
  With
• 28:13
  who?
• 28:14
  My
• 28:14
  boss.
• 28:15
  My
• 28:15
  current
• 28:16
  boss.
• 28:16
  Oh,
• 28:17
  because
• 28:17
  you
• 28:17
  were
• 28:17
  doing
• 28:18
  other
• 28:18
  things.
• 28:19
  No
• 28:20
  job
• 28:20
  description.
• 28:21
  Not
• 28:21
  my
• 28:21
  then
• 28:21
  boss.
• 28:23
  My
• 28:23
  then
• 28:23
  boss
• 28:24
  was
• 28:24
  like,
• 28:24
  whatever.
• 28:25
  I
• 28:26
  know
• 28:26
  you
• 28:26
  can
• 28:27
  handle.
• 28:28
  Carrying
• 28:28
  whatever
• 28:29
  load
• 28:29
  you
• 28:29
  choose
• 28:30
  to
• 28:30
  carry.
• 28:31
  Like,
• 28:31
  literally.
• 28:33
  I've.
• 28:33
  I've
• 28:34
  been
• 28:34
  very
• 28:34
  lucky
• 28:34
  in
• 28:34
  most
• 28:35
  of
• 28:35
  my
• 28:35
  bosses.
• 28:36
  Very
• 28:36
  lucky.
• 28:38
  The
• 28:38
  person
• 28:39
  that
• 28:40
  went
• 28:40
  on
• 28:40
  to
• 28:40
  hire
• 28:41
  me
• 28:41
  was
• 28:41
  like,
• 28:42
  whoa,
• 28:42
  whoa,
• 28:42
  whoa.
• 28:43
  You
• 28:43
  have
• 28:43
  to
• 28:44
  talk
• 28:44
  to
• 28:44
  me
• 28:44
  before
• 28:45
  you
• 28:45
  can
• 28:46
  just
• 28:46
  bring
• 28:46
  people
• 28:47
  in
• 28:48
  and
• 28:48
  have
• 28:48
  them
• 28:48
  start
• 28:49
  doing
• 28:49
  stuff.
• 28:49
  We.
• 28:50
  We
• 28:50
  have
• 28:50
  to
• 28:50
  talk
• 28:50
  to
• 28:51
  their
• 28:51
  boss.
• 28:51
  We
• 28:52
  have
• 28:52
  to.
• 28:52
  Like,
• 28:54
  it
• 28:54
  was
• 28:54
  really
• 28:55
  the
• 28:55
  person
• 28:56
  that
• 28:56
  invited
• 28:57
  me
• 28:57
  in
• 28:58
  sort
• 28:58
  of
• 28:59
  gotten
• 28:59
  in
• 28:59
  a
• 28:59
  little
• 28:59
  bit
• 28:59
  of
• 29:00
  trouble.
• 29:00
  Not.
• 29:00
  Not
• 29:01
  like
• 29:01
  real
• 29:01
  trouble,
• 29:02
  but
• 29:02
  like,
• 29:02
  you
• 29:03
  cross
• 29:03
  a
• 29:03
  boundary.
• 29:04
  You
• 29:04
  can't
• 29:04
  just
• 29:04
  do
• 29:04
  whatever
• 29:05
  you
• 29:05
  want
• 29:06
  kind
• 29:06
  of
• 29:06
  thing.
• 29:07
  Got
• 29:07
  it.
• 29:07
  So
• 29:08
  it
• 29:08
  was
• 29:09
  really
• 29:09
  more
• 29:09
  a
• 29:09
  Capricorn
• 29:10
  Gemini
• 29:10
  conflict
• 29:11
  is
• 29:12
  what
• 29:12
  it
• 29:12
  was.
• 29:14
  That
• 29:14
  Capricorn's
• 29:15
  like,
• 29:16
  this
• 29:16
  is
• 29:17
  what
• 29:17
  we're
• 29:17
  doing.
• 29:17
  The
• 29:17
  Gemini's
• 29:18
  like,
• 29:18
  hold
• 29:18
  on
• 29:19
  a
• 29:19
  minute.
• 29:22
  We
• 29:22
  need
• 29:22
  to
• 29:22
  have
• 29:22
  a
• 29:23
  discussion
• 29:23
  about
• 29:23
  this.
• 29:24
  So
• 29:24
  I
• 29:25
  want
• 29:25
  to
• 29:27
  ask
• 29:27
  you
• 29:28
  about
• 29:30
  what
• 29:30
  the
• 29:30
  process
• 29:30
  was
• 29:31
  for
• 29:31
  you
• 29:31
  after
• 29:32
  losing
• 29:33
  that
• 29:33
  friendship.
• 29:34
  Like.
• 29:34
  Like
• 29:35
  what
• 29:35
  you
• 29:35
  went
• 29:35
  through,
• 29:35
  because
• 29:36
  that's
• 29:36
  around
• 29:37
  the
• 29:37
  time
• 29:37
  when
• 29:37
  you
• 29:37
  said
• 29:39
  you
• 29:39
  lost
• 29:39
  the
• 29:39
  friendship,
• 29:40
  like,
• 29:40
  you
• 29:40
  were
• 29:41
  unhappy
• 29:41
  with
• 29:41
  your
• 29:42
  marriage.
• 29:42
  So,
• 29:42
  like,
• 29:42
  on
• 29:43
  a
• 29:43
  personal
• 29:43
  Level.
• 29:46
  What
• 29:46
  was
• 29:46
  it
• 29:47
  like
• 29:47
  for
• 29:47
  you?
• 29:48
  Complete
• 29:49
  shitstorm.
• 29:53
  What
• 29:54
  was
• 29:54
  it
• 29:54
  like?
• 29:54
  What
• 29:54
  was
• 29:55
  your
• 29:56
  work
• 29:56
  was
• 29:58
  manageable.
• 30:00
  Let
• 30:00
  me
• 30:00
  put
• 30:00
  it
• 30:00
  that
• 30:00
  way.
• 30:01
  I
• 30:02
  could
• 30:02
  usually
• 30:03
  compartmentalize
• 30:04
  enough
• 30:05
  to
• 30:06
  deal
• 30:07
  with
• 30:07
  work
• 30:07
  enough.
• 30:08
  Oh,
• 30:08
  anger,
• 30:09
  obviously,
• 30:12
  that's
• 30:12
  my
• 30:12
  primary
• 30:13
  response
• 30:13
  to
• 30:14
  any
• 30:14
  type
• 30:14
  of
• 30:14
  emotion.
• 30:15
  I
• 30:15
  was
• 30:16
  pretty
• 30:16
  pissed
• 30:16
  off
• 30:17
  and.
• 30:17
  Or
• 30:17
  crying
• 30:18
  when
• 30:19
  I
• 30:19
  wasn't
• 30:19
  at
• 30:19
  work.
• 30:23
  Those
• 30:24
  work,
• 30:24
  like,
• 30:24
  a
• 30:24
  little
• 30:24
  bit,
• 30:25
  like,
• 30:25
  of
• 30:25
  an
• 30:25
  escape
• 30:26
  for
• 30:26
  you
• 30:27
  also,
• 30:28
  in.
• 30:28
  A
• 30:28
  sense,
• 30:29
  except
• 30:29
  that
• 30:30
  the
• 30:30
  person
• 30:30
  that
• 30:31
  broke
• 30:32
  my
• 30:32
  heart
• 30:32
  was
• 30:32
  at
• 30:33
  work.
• 30:33
  So
• 30:35
  unfortunately,
• 30:38
  I
• 30:38
  didn't
• 30:38
  know.
• 30:40
  So
• 30:41
  there's
• 30:41
  a
• 30:41
  layer
• 30:41
  I
• 30:42
  didn't
• 30:42
  know.
• 30:43
  Yeah.
• 30:44
  I
• 30:44
  mean,
• 30:44
  that
• 30:44
  was
• 30:44
  somebody
• 30:45
  I
• 30:45
  saw
• 30:45
  every
• 30:45
  day.
• 30:46
  Right.
• 30:47
  Oh,
• 30:47
  I.
• 30:47
  I
• 30:47
  was
• 30:48
  wondering
• 30:48
  how
• 30:48
  the
• 30:49
  person
• 30:49
  that
• 30:51
  I
• 30:51
  was
• 30:51
  wondering
• 30:52
  the
• 30:52
  connection
• 30:52
  of,
• 30:52
  like,
• 30:53
  the
• 30:53
  person
• 30:53
  that
• 30:54
  you.
• 30:55
  The
• 30:55
  friendship
• 30:55
  you
• 30:55
  lost,
• 30:56
  was
• 30:56
  connected
• 30:57
  to
• 30:57
  the
• 30:57
  disapproval
• 30:58
  of
• 30:58
  the
• 30:58
  new
• 30:58
  person
• 31:00
  that
• 31:00
  asked
• 31:00
  you
• 31:00
  to
• 31:00
  do
• 31:01
  this
• 31:01
  thing.
• 31:01
  Okay.
• 31:03
  It
• 31:03
  was
• 31:03
  a
• 31:03
  work.
• 31:04
  Work
• 31:04
  friendship.
• 31:05
  Right,
• 31:07
  Got
• 31:07
  it.
• 31:10
  Someone
• 31:10
  in
• 31:11
  the
• 31:11
  same
• 31:12
  city
• 31:12
  as
• 31:12
  you.
• 31:14
  Yes.
• 31:15
  Okay.
• 31:15
  So
• 31:16
  other
• 31:16
  than
• 31:16
  that,
• 31:16
  I
• 31:16
  mean,
• 31:17
  just
• 31:18
  my
• 31:18
  process,
• 31:19
  I
• 31:19
  think.
• 31:20
  Sorry.
• 31:21
  There
• 31:21
  was
• 31:21
  no
• 31:22
  processing
• 31:23
  going
• 31:23
  on.
• 31:23
  It
• 31:24
  was
• 31:24
  just.
• 31:27
  Grief.
• 31:27
  It
• 31:28
  really
• 31:28
  just
• 31:28
  felt
• 31:28
  like
• 31:29
  sitting,
• 31:29
  like,
• 31:31
  at
• 31:31
  the
• 31:31
  bottom
• 31:32
  of
• 31:32
  a
• 31:32
  very,
• 31:33
  very,
• 31:33
  very,
• 31:33
  very
• 31:34
  deep,
• 31:35
  dark
• 31:35
  hole.
• 31:39
  That's
• 31:39
  how
• 31:39
  to
• 31:40
  felt
• 31:40
  like.
• 31:40
  Do
• 31:40
  you
• 31:40
  have
• 31:40
  anyone
• 31:41
  else
• 31:42
  to
• 31:42
  connect
• 31:43
  with?
• 31:43
  On
• 31:44
  it.
• 31:46
  Hmm.
• 31:47
  So
• 31:47
  hard.
• 31:49
  I
• 31:49
  couldn't
• 31:49
  talk
• 31:50
  about
• 31:51
  hurt.
• 31:52
  So
• 31:52
  badly,
• 31:53
  like,
• 31:54
  I
• 31:54
  couldn't
• 31:55
  speak
• 31:55
  about
• 31:55
  it.
• 31:56
  I
• 31:56
  don't
• 31:56
  know
• 31:56
  if
• 31:56
  that
• 31:57
  makes
• 31:57
  sense.
• 31:57
  I.
• 31:58
  Yeah,
• 31:58
  I
• 31:58
  can
• 31:59
  relate
• 31:59
  to
• 31:59
  that.
• 31:59
  Back
• 32:00
  then,
• 32:00
  it.
• 32:01
  I
• 32:01
  was
• 32:01
  so
• 32:02
  vulnerable.
• 32:04
  I
• 32:04
  didn't
• 32:04
  feel
• 32:05
  safe
• 32:05
  enough
• 32:05
  with
• 32:06
  anybody
• 32:08
  to
• 32:08
  bring
• 32:08
  it
• 32:08
  up
• 32:09
  because
• 32:09
  I
• 32:09
  don't
• 32:09
  think
• 32:10
  anything
• 32:10
  anybody
• 32:11
  would
• 32:11
  have
• 32:11
  said
• 32:11
  would
• 32:12
  have
• 32:12
  made
• 32:12
  anything
• 32:13
  any
• 32:13
  better,
• 32:14
  but
• 32:14
  it
• 32:14
  sure
• 32:14
  as
• 32:15
  hell
• 32:15
  could
• 32:15
  have
• 32:15
  made
• 32:15
  it
• 32:16
  worse.
• 32:19
  Yeah.
• 32:20
  I
• 32:20
  feel.
• 32:20
  I
• 32:20
  feel
• 32:20
  like
• 32:21
  I
• 32:21
  can
• 32:21
  relate
• 32:21
  because
• 32:21
  it's
• 32:22
  kind
• 32:22
  of
• 32:22
  similar
• 32:23
  to
• 32:23
  what
• 32:23
  I
• 32:23
  went
• 32:23
  through
• 32:24
  as
• 32:24
  well,
• 32:24
  like,
• 32:24
  with,
• 32:25
  like,
• 32:25
  when
• 32:25
  I
• 32:26
  first
• 32:27
  asked
• 32:27
  for
• 32:27
  the
• 32:27
  divorce,
• 32:27
  that
• 32:28
  I
• 32:28
  didn't
• 32:28
  really
• 32:28
  want
• 32:28
  to
• 32:28
  talk
• 32:29
  to
• 32:29
  anyone.
• 32:29
  I
• 32:29
  mean,
• 32:29
  for
• 32:30
  different
• 32:30
  reasons,
• 32:31
  you
• 32:31
  know,
• 32:31
  but
• 32:32
  it
• 32:32
  was
• 32:33
  because.
• 32:33
  Partly
• 32:34
  because
• 32:34
  I
• 32:34
  didn't
• 32:35
  feel
• 32:35
  like
• 32:35
  I
• 32:35
  could
• 32:35
  talk
• 32:36
  to
• 32:36
  anyone,
• 32:36
  that
• 32:37
  it
• 32:37
  was
• 32:37
  safe
• 32:37
  to
• 32:37
  talk
• 32:37
  to
• 32:37
  anyone,
• 32:38
  but
• 32:38
  also
• 32:38
  because
• 32:38
  I.
• 32:39
  I
• 32:40
  knew
• 32:40
  it
• 32:40
  wasn't
• 32:40
  safe
• 32:40
  because
• 32:41
  I
• 32:41
  just
• 32:41
  didn't
• 32:41
  want
• 32:41
  to
• 32:42
  hear
• 32:42
  their.
• 32:45
  Right.
• 32:45
  Like,
• 32:45
  they're.
• 32:48
  Erica.
• 32:51
  Well,
• 32:52
  you
• 32:52
  don't
• 32:52
  want
• 32:52
  to
• 32:52
  be,
• 32:53
  like,
• 32:53
  number
• 32:54
  one.
• 32:54
  Don't
• 32:55
  need
• 32:55
  your
• 32:55
  opinions
• 32:56
  because.
• 32:56
  Right.
• 32:57
  You
• 32:57
  said
• 32:57
  Adriana
• 32:58
  was.
• 32:58
  Like,
• 32:59
  I
• 32:59
  needed
• 32:59
  to
• 33:00
  be
• 33:00
  alone
• 33:00
  so
• 33:01
  that
• 33:01
  I
• 33:01
  could
• 33:01
  hear
• 33:01
  myself.
• 33:02
  Right.
• 33:02
  Yeah.
• 33:03
  Learn
• 33:03
  to
• 33:03
  trust
• 33:04
  yourself.
• 33:04
  Which
• 33:05
  it
• 33:05
  sounds.
• 33:06
  Stacy,
• 33:06
  like
• 33:06
  maybe
• 33:07
  you
• 33:07
  didn't
• 33:07
  want
• 33:07
  to
• 33:07
  hear
• 33:08
  yours
• 33:09
  as
• 33:09
  much
• 33:09
  as
• 33:09
  Adriana
• 33:10
  did.
• 33:10
  Right.
• 33:11
  Or
• 33:11
  maybe
• 33:11
  you
• 33:12
  did.
• 33:12
  Maybe
• 33:12
  I'm
• 33:12
  not
• 33:13
  just
• 33:13
  making
• 33:14
  assumptions,
• 33:14
  but
• 33:16
  the
• 33:16
  other
• 33:16
  part
• 33:17
  is,
• 33:17
  like,
• 33:17
  I
• 33:18
  don't
• 33:18
  need
• 33:18
  your.
• 33:19
  Your
• 33:19
  sort
• 33:19
  of,
• 33:19
  like,
• 33:20
  canned
• 33:22
  responses.
• 33:23
  I
• 33:23
  don't
• 33:23
  need
• 33:23
  you
• 33:24
  to,
• 33:24
  like,
• 33:24
  placate
• 33:25
  me.
• 33:25
  I
• 33:25
  don't
• 33:25
  need
• 33:25
  you
• 33:26
  to,
• 33:26
  like,
• 33:26
  just.
• 33:27
  Right.
• 33:27
  Exactly.
• 33:27
  Yeah.
• 33:28
  Stop.
• 33:28
  Save
• 33:28
  it.
• 33:29
  I
• 33:29
  need
• 33:29
  honesty
• 33:30
  and
• 33:30
  truth.
• 33:31
  Well,
• 33:31
  because
• 33:32
  I
• 33:32
  couldn't
• 33:32
  actually
• 33:32
  listen.
• 33:33
  Yeah.
• 33:34
  I
• 33:34
  need
• 33:34
  curiosity.
• 33:35
  Yeah,
• 33:36
  yeah,
• 33:36
  exactly.
• 33:37
  Yeah.
• 33:37
  Well,
• 33:38
  because
• 33:38
  I
• 33:38
  didn't
• 33:38
  have
• 33:38
  any
• 33:39
  answers.
• 33:40
  Yeah.
• 33:41
  Right.
• 33:42
  So
• 33:42
  how
• 33:42
  can
• 33:42
  I
• 33:43
  talk
• 33:43
  about
• 33:43
  something
• 33:44
  exactly.
• 33:46
  Right.
• 33:47
  That
• 33:47
  I
• 33:47
  haven't
• 33:48
  figured
• 33:48
  out
• 33:48
  yet?
• 33:49
  Right.
• 33:50
  Right.
• 33:51
  All
• 33:52
  I
• 33:52
  could
• 33:52
  express
• 33:53
  was
• 33:53
  my
• 33:54
  pain,
• 33:55
  which
• 33:57
  I
• 33:58
  did
• 33:58
  not
• 33:58
  have
• 33:59
  the
• 33:59
  capacity
• 34:00
  to
• 34:00
  do,
• 34:00
  or
• 34:01
  the
• 34:01
  skills.
• 34:02
  But
• 34:03
  the.
• 34:03
  But
• 34:03
  also
• 34:03
  the
• 34:04
  people.
• 34:04
  Right.
• 34:04
  Like
• 34:05
  the
• 34:05
  people
• 34:05
  who
• 34:05
  could
• 34:05
  actually
• 34:06
  just
• 34:06
  sit
• 34:06
  with
• 34:06
  you
• 34:07
  in
• 34:07
  that.
• 34:08
  Right.
• 34:08
  Just
• 34:09
  hold
• 34:09
  space
• 34:09
  for
• 34:09
  it.
• 34:10
  Oh,
• 34:10
  yeah.
• 34:10
  Nobody
• 34:11
  could
• 34:11
  do
• 34:11
  that.
• 34:12
  Right.
• 34:13
  But
• 34:13
  also
• 34:14
  the
• 34:14
  mental
• 34:14
  gymnastics
• 34:15
  is
• 34:15
  like.
• 34:16
  Well,
• 34:16
  I've
• 34:16
  got
• 34:16
  about
• 34:17
  7,
• 34:17
  000
• 34:17
  different
• 34:18
  explanations,
• 34:19
  but
• 34:19
  I
• 34:19
  don't
• 34:19
  know
• 34:19
  which
• 34:19
  one
• 34:20
  is
• 34:20
  true.
• 34:20
  And
• 34:20
  all
• 34:21
  of
• 34:21
  them
• 34:21
  suck.
• 34:23
  So
• 34:23
  I'm
• 34:23
  just
• 34:23
  gonna.
• 34:24
  Well,
• 34:24
  yeah.
• 34:25
  In
• 34:25
  my
• 34:26
  head,
• 34:26
  they
• 34:26
  were
• 34:26
  all
• 34:27
  me.
• 34:28
  Right,
• 34:29
  exactly.
• 34:30
  It's
• 34:30
  the
• 34:30
  go
• 34:30
  to,
• 34:31
  isn't
• 34:31
  it?
• 34:32
  It's
• 34:32
  a
• 34:32
  go
• 34:32
  to.
• 34:35
  Yep.
• 34:36
  I
• 34:36
  was
• 34:36
  the
• 34:36
  problem.
• 34:38
  Me
• 34:39
  and
• 34:39
  me
• 34:39
  alone.
• 34:41
  Which
• 34:42
  is
• 34:42
  obviously
• 34:43
  not
• 34:43
  true
• 34:44
  because
• 34:44
  every
• 34:44
  relationship
• 34:45
  has
• 34:45
  absolutely
• 34:46
  two.
• 34:47
  At
• 34:47
  least
• 34:47
  two
• 34:47
  people
• 34:48
  in
• 34:48
  it,
• 34:48
  so
• 34:49
  to
• 34:49
  say.
• 34:50
  Is
• 34:50
  there
• 34:50
  anything
• 34:50
  else
• 34:50
  you
• 34:51
  want
• 34:51
  us
• 34:51
  to
• 34:51
  ask
• 34:51
  you
• 34:51
  about?
• 34:53
  Anything
• 34:53
  else
• 34:53
  you
• 34:53
  want
• 34:53
  to
• 34:54
  talk
• 34:54
  about
• 34:54
  that
• 34:54
  we
• 34:54
  can
• 34:54
  ask
• 34:54
  you
• 34:55
  about?
• 34:55
  The
• 34:55
  suggestion
• 34:56
  from
• 34:56
  Gemini
• 34:57
  was.
• 35:03
  You
• 35:03
  talked
• 35:03
  about
• 35:04
  the
• 35:04
  beauty
• 35:04
  found
• 35:04
  in
• 35:04
  the
• 35:05
  mess
• 35:05
  and
• 35:05
  the
• 35:05
  unknown.
• 35:06
  For
• 35:06
  someone
• 35:07
  listening
• 35:07
  who
• 35:07
  is
• 35:07
  currently
• 35:08
  in
• 35:08
  their
• 35:08
  own
• 35:08
  dark
• 35:09
  hole
• 35:09
  and
• 35:10
  can't
• 35:10
  see
• 35:10
  the
• 35:10
  light
• 35:11
  yet,
• 35:11
  how
• 35:12
  do
• 35:12
  you
• 35:12
  balance
• 35:12
  being
• 35:13
  comfortable
• 35:13
  with
• 35:14
  the
• 35:14
  uncomfortable
• 35:15
  without
• 35:16
  just
• 35:16
  spiritually
• 35:17
  bypassing
• 35:18
  the
• 35:18
  pain?
• 35:21
  Woof.
• 35:22
  Okay.
• 35:22
  She
• 35:22
  giggles.
• 35:23
  She
• 35:23
  just
• 35:24
  laughs.
• 35:24
  I
• 35:24
  know.
• 35:26
  She
• 35:27
  just
• 35:27
  laughs
• 35:27
  through
• 35:28
  it.
• 35:29
  Well,
• 35:29
  a
• 35:30
  couple
• 35:30
  reasons.
• 35:30
  Right.
• 35:31
  Woof.
• 35:32
  Because
• 35:32
  a
• 35:33
  shrinking.
• 35:34
  Yeah,
• 35:35
  everybody
• 35:35
  check
• 35:36
  it
• 35:36
  out.
• 35:36
  It's
• 35:36
  great.
• 35:39
  And.
• 35:41
  Well,
• 35:41
  yeah,
• 35:41
  because
• 35:42
  it's
• 35:42
  uncomfortable.
• 35:45
  Okay,
• 35:45
  so
• 35:46
  what's
• 35:46
  the
• 35:46
  question?
• 35:47
  How
• 35:47
  do
• 35:47
  you.
• 35:47
  Okay,
• 35:48
  I
• 35:49
  can
• 35:49
  just.
• 35:50
  Just
• 35:51
  launch.
• 35:51
  Can
• 35:51
  say.
• 35:52
  Just
• 35:52
  talk
• 35:52
  about
• 35:52
  the
• 35:54
  Being
• 35:54
  uncomfortable
• 35:55
  with
• 35:55
  the
• 35:55
  uncomfortable
• 35:56
  and
• 35:56
  not
• 35:56
  bypassing.
• 35:58
  Yeah.
• 35:58
  Not
• 35:59
  bypassing
• 36:00
  is.
• 36:01
  Should
• 36:01
  it
• 36:01
  be
• 36:01
  like
• 36:02
  a
• 36:02
  prompt
• 36:02
  of,
• 36:02
  like,
• 36:03
  what
• 36:03
  do
• 36:03
  you
• 36:03
  like?
• 36:03
  What
• 36:03
  are
• 36:04
  you
• 36:04
  learning
• 36:04
  the
• 36:04
  most
• 36:04
  right
• 36:05
  now?
• 36:08
  I
• 36:08
  feel
• 36:08
  like
• 36:08
  this
• 36:08
  sounds
• 36:09
  like
• 36:09
  we're
• 36:09
  coaching
• 36:09
  her.
• 36:11
  Maybe.
• 36:12
  I.
• 36:13
  I
• 36:13
  like
• 36:13
  the
• 36:13
  spiritual
• 36:14
  bypassing
• 36:14
  part
• 36:15
  because
• 36:17
  I
• 36:17
  think
• 36:17
  what
• 36:18
  I'm
• 36:19
  starting
• 36:20
  to
• 36:20
  learn
• 36:22
  or
• 36:22
  understand,
• 36:23
  let
• 36:24
  me
• 36:24
  put
• 36:24
  it
• 36:24
  that
• 36:24
  way,
• 36:25
  is
• 36:26
  there
• 36:27
  are
• 36:27
  certain
• 36:28
  points
• 36:29
  where
• 36:30
  spiritual
• 36:31
  bypassing
• 36:34
  is
• 36:35
  progress.
• 36:37
  Like,
• 36:37
  it
• 36:37
  might
• 36:38
  be
• 36:39
  necessary
• 36:40
  because
• 36:40
  when
• 36:40
  you're
• 36:41
  in
• 36:41
  the
• 36:41
  hole,
• 36:41
  it's
• 36:41
  hard
• 36:42
  to
• 36:42
  deal
• 36:42
  with
• 36:42
  the
• 36:42
  hole.
• 36:45
  So
• 36:45
  maybe
• 36:46
  we
• 36:46
  need
• 36:46
  to
• 36:48
  skip
• 36:48
  a
• 36:48
  couple
• 36:48
  rungs,
• 36:49
  if
• 36:49
  we
• 36:49
  can,
• 36:50
  on
• 36:50
  the
• 36:50
  ladder
• 36:50
  out,
• 36:54
  lest
• 36:54
  they
• 36:55
  break
• 36:55
  and
• 36:56
  send
• 36:56
  you
• 36:56
  back
• 36:56
  into
• 36:57
  the
• 36:57
  hole.
• 37:00
  And
• 37:00
  then
• 37:00
  Once
• 37:01
  you're
• 37:01
  on
• 37:01
  firmer
• 37:01
  ground,
• 37:02
  you
• 37:02
  can
• 37:02
  revisit
• 37:03
  those,
• 37:04
  if
• 37:04
  that
• 37:05
  makes
• 37:05
  any
• 37:05
  sense.
• 37:06
  Did
• 37:06
  my
• 37:06
  metaphor
• 37:07
  go
• 37:07
  too
• 37:07
  far
• 37:08
  off
• 37:08
  the
• 37:08
  rails?
• 37:08
  I.
• 37:09
  I
• 37:09
  know.
• 37:09
  I.
• 37:09
  I.
• 37:09
  Like,
• 37:10
  I
• 37:11
  understand
• 37:11
  what
• 37:11
  you're
• 37:12
  trying
• 37:12
  to
• 37:12
  say,
• 37:12
  but
• 37:13
  I
• 37:13
  feel
• 37:13
  like
• 37:14
  using
• 37:15
  or
• 37:15
  like
• 37:15
  saying
• 37:15
  that
• 37:16
  it's
• 37:16
  okay
• 37:16
  to
• 37:16
  spiritual
• 37:17
  bypass
• 37:18
  doesn't
• 37:18
  sound
• 37:18
  right
• 37:19
  to
• 37:19
  me.
• 37:19
  Certain
• 37:19
  things,
• 37:20
  I
• 37:20
  feel
• 37:20
  like
• 37:20
  maybe
• 37:21
  everything.
• 37:22
  Right.
• 37:22
  I'm
• 37:22
  just
• 37:23
  saying,
• 37:23
  like,
• 37:23
  using
• 37:24
  the
• 37:24
  term
• 37:25
  for
• 37:25
  me,
• 37:26
  I
• 37:26
  feel
• 37:26
  like.
• 37:26
  Because
• 37:27
  it's
• 37:27
  almost
• 37:27
  like,
• 37:27
  gives.
• 37:29
  Not
• 37:29
  for
• 37:30
  you,
• 37:30
  but
• 37:30
  I'm
• 37:30
  just
• 37:30
  saying,
• 37:30
  like,
• 37:30
  in
• 37:31
  general,
• 37:31
  it's
• 37:31
  almost
• 37:31
  like
• 37:31
  an
• 37:32
  excuse.
• 37:32
  Like,
• 37:32
  oh,
• 37:32
  I'm.
• 37:33
  I
• 37:33
  just.
• 37:33
  I'm.
• 37:33
  I'm
• 37:34
  not
• 37:34
  going
• 37:34
  to
• 37:34
  deal
• 37:34
  with
• 37:34
  that,
• 37:35
  you
• 37:35
  know,
• 37:35
  versus.
• 37:36
  But
• 37:36
  I
• 37:36
  think
• 37:36
  you
• 37:37
  have
• 37:37
  to,
• 37:37
  because
• 37:38
  you
• 37:38
  can't.
• 37:39
  I
• 37:39
  don't
• 37:39
  think
• 37:39
  anybody
• 37:40
  is
• 37:40
  capable
• 37:41
  of
• 37:41
  dealing
• 37:41
  with
• 37:41
  everything
• 37:42
  all
• 37:42
  at
• 37:42
  once.
• 37:43
  Correct.
• 37:44
  Correct.
• 37:44
  But
• 37:45
  I
• 37:45
  guess
• 37:45
  what
• 37:45
  I'm
• 37:45
  saying
• 37:46
  is
• 37:46
  that
• 37:46
  you're
• 37:46
  consciously
• 37:47
  saying,
• 37:47
  like,
• 37:48
  this
• 37:48
  is
• 37:49
  too
• 37:49
  much
• 37:49
  right
• 37:49
  now,
• 37:50
  so
• 37:50
  I
• 37:50
  need
• 37:50
  to
• 37:51
  not
• 37:51
  look
• 37:51
  at
• 37:51
  it
• 37:51
  right
• 37:52
  now.
• 37:52
  Right.
• 37:53
  So
• 37:53
  I'm
• 37:53
  just
• 37:53
  going
• 37:53
  to
• 37:56
  set
• 37:56
  it
• 37:56
  aside
• 37:56
  for
• 37:58
  when
• 37:58
  I'm
• 37:59
  more
• 37:59
  ready
• 37:59
  to
• 38:00
  deal
• 38:00
  with
• 38:00
  it.
• 38:01
  Feel
• 38:01
  like
• 38:01
  saying
• 38:02
  spiritual
• 38:03
  bypassing
• 38:03
  is.
• 38:04
  I
• 38:04
  feel
• 38:04
  like
• 38:04
  that's
• 38:05
  very
• 38:05
  intentional
• 38:06
  consciousness.
• 38:08
  No,
• 38:08
  I
• 38:08
  feel
• 38:08
  like
• 38:08
  it's
• 38:08
  very
• 38:08
  intentional
• 38:09
  to
• 38:09
  saying
• 38:09
  I
• 38:10
  don't
• 38:10
  want
• 38:10
  to
• 38:10
  look
• 38:10
  at
• 38:10
  that.
• 38:12
  You
• 38:12
  know,
• 38:12
  Am
• 38:12
  I
• 38:13
  explaining
• 38:13
  myself
• 38:13
  correctly?
• 38:14
  Like,
• 38:14
  with,
• 38:14
  like.
• 38:15
  I
• 38:15
  hear
• 38:15
  you
• 38:16
  define
• 38:17
  it,
• 38:17
  though.
• 38:17
  What
• 38:17
  do
• 38:18
  you
• 38:18
  mean
• 38:18
  by
• 38:18
  that?
• 38:20
  Me,
• 38:20
  Sloan.
• 38:21
  And
• 38:21
  then
• 38:24
  take
• 38:24
  it
• 38:24
  like.
• 38:28
  But
• 38:28
  see,
• 38:28
  here's
• 38:29
  the
• 38:29
  thing.
• 38:29
  When
• 38:29
  you're.
• 38:30
  When.
• 38:30
  When
• 38:31
  I
• 38:31
  was
• 38:31
  in
• 38:31
  that
• 38:31
  place,
• 38:33
  I
• 38:33
  could
• 38:33
  not
• 38:34
  have
• 38:34
  dealt
• 38:34
  with
• 38:35
  all
• 38:35
  of
• 38:35
  the
• 38:35
  things,
• 38:36
  right?
• 38:37
  Because
• 38:37
  it
• 38:37
  was
• 38:38
  my
• 38:38
  whole
• 38:38
  life,
• 38:39
  right.
• 38:39
  It
• 38:39
  wasn't
• 38:40
  just
• 38:40
  that
• 38:40
  one
• 38:41
  situation.
• 38:42
  The
• 38:42
  one
• 38:42
  situation
• 38:43
  brought
• 38:43
  up
• 38:45
  future
• 38:46
  topics.
• 38:48
  My
• 38:48
  abandonment
• 38:49
  issues,
• 38:50
  which
• 38:50
  are.
• 38:51
  Were
• 38:51
  huge.
• 38:52
  That's
• 38:53
  what
• 38:53
  happened
• 38:53
  to
• 38:53
  me
• 38:55
  over
• 38:55
  and
• 38:56
  over
• 38:57
  and
• 38:57
  over.
• 38:58
  And
• 38:58
  this
• 38:58
  was
• 38:58
  just
• 38:59
  another,
• 38:59
  like.
• 39:01
  And
• 39:01
  it's
• 39:01
  hard
• 39:02
  when
• 39:02
  you're
• 39:03
  there
• 39:03
  to
• 39:04
  say
• 39:04
  without
• 39:05
  any
• 39:05
  tools
• 39:05
  or
• 39:06
  support,
• 39:08
  I'm
• 39:09
  gonna
• 39:09
  deal
• 39:09
  with
• 39:09
  this.
• 39:10
  Right?
• 39:11
  Like,
• 39:11
  that's
• 39:12
  another
• 39:12
  thing.
• 39:12
  If
• 39:12
  you
• 39:12
  go
• 39:13
  to
• 39:13
  a
• 39:13
  therapist
• 39:13
  or
• 39:14
  something.
• 39:14
  You
• 39:14
  know
• 39:14
  what
• 39:14
  I
• 39:15
  mean?
• 39:15
  Like,
• 39:15
  and
• 39:15
  you
• 39:15
  have
• 39:16
  somebody
• 39:16
  there
• 39:16
  supporting
• 39:17
  you,
• 39:17
  giving
• 39:17
  you
• 39:18
  tools,
• 39:18
  helping
• 39:19
  you.
• 39:21
  I
• 39:21
  chose
• 39:22
  not
• 39:22
  to
• 39:22
  go
• 39:22
  to
• 39:22
  a
• 39:22
  therapist.
• 39:27
  Because
• 39:28
  I
• 39:30
  didn't
• 39:30
  think
• 39:30
  anybody
• 39:31
  cared.
• 39:34
  The
• 39:34
  message
• 39:34
  I
• 39:35
  had
• 39:35
  was
• 39:35
  I
• 39:35
  was
• 39:35
  unlovable.
• 39:37
  I
• 39:38
  was
• 39:38
  not
• 39:38
  worthy
• 39:38
  of
• 39:39
  even
• 39:40
  having
• 39:41
  a
• 39:41
  conversation
• 39:41
  with,
• 39:43
  like,
• 39:44
  to
• 39:44
  me,
• 39:44
  which
• 39:45
  is
• 39:47
  the
• 39:47
  worst
• 39:47
  thing
• 39:47
  you
• 39:48
  can
• 39:48
  do.
• 39:48
  I
• 39:48
  would
• 39:49
  rather
• 39:49
  have
• 39:49
  you
• 39:50
  scream
• 39:50
  in
• 39:50
  my
• 39:50
  face,
• 39:51
  then
• 39:53
  cut
• 39:53
  me
• 39:53
  off.
• 39:57
  Sorry.
• 39:58
  I'm
• 39:58
  laughing
• 39:58
  because
• 39:59
  my
• 39:59
  Aries
• 39:59
  moon
• 40:00
  is
• 40:00
  a
• 40:00
  huge
• 40:00
  I'm
• 40:01
  just
• 40:01
  cutting
• 40:01
  you
• 40:01
  off
• 40:02
  thing.
• 40:03
  So
• 40:03
  it's
• 40:03
  totally
• 40:04
  a
• 40:04
  reflection
• 40:04
  of
• 40:05
  myself,
• 40:06
  and
• 40:07
  so
• 40:07
  I
• 40:07
  laugh
• 40:07
  When
• 40:08
  I
• 40:08
  hear
• 40:08
  that,
• 40:09
  that's
• 40:09
  a
• 40:09
  trigger
• 40:10
  for
• 40:10
  me,
• 40:10
  and
• 40:10
  it's
• 40:10
  something
• 40:11
  that
• 40:11
  I
• 40:11
  do.
• 40:14
  Although
• 40:17
  I'm
• 40:17
  better
• 40:17
  at
• 40:18
  it
• 40:18
  now,
• 40:18
  I'll
• 40:18
  have
• 40:19
  a
• 40:19
  conversation
• 40:21
  before
• 40:21
  it
• 40:21
  would
• 40:21
  just
• 40:22
  be,
• 40:22
  nope,
• 40:22
  we're
• 40:23
  done.
• 40:25
  So,
• 40:25
  like,
• 40:26
  I
• 40:26
  think
• 40:28
  the
• 40:28
  path
• 40:28
  isn't
• 40:28
  linear.
• 40:29
  Right.
• 40:30
  So,
• 40:31
  for
• 40:31
  example,
• 40:32
  we
• 40:33
  went
• 40:33
  to
• 40:33
  coaching
• 40:33
  school,
• 40:34
  and
• 40:35
  I
• 40:35
  went
• 40:35
  to
• 40:35
  what,
• 40:37
  six,
• 40:37
  eight
• 40:37
  months
• 40:38
  of
• 40:39
  training
• 40:40
  to
• 40:40
  realize
• 40:41
  how
• 40:41
  much
• 40:41
  work
• 40:42
  I
• 40:42
  truly
• 40:42
  had
• 40:42
  to
• 40:43
  do.
• 40:43
  But
• 40:43
  during
• 40:44
  that
• 40:44
  six
• 40:44
  to
• 40:44
  eight
• 40:45
  months,
• 40:45
  Right.
• 40:45
  I
• 40:45
  was
• 40:46
  using
• 40:46
  the
• 40:46
  tools
• 40:48
  of
• 40:49
  affirmations,
• 40:51
  which
• 40:51
  is
• 40:52
  a
• 40:52
  form
• 40:52
  of
• 40:53
  bypassing.
• 40:53
  When
• 40:54
  you
• 40:54
  don't
• 40:54
  actually
• 40:55
  understand
• 40:56
  what
• 40:56
  affirmations
• 40:57
  are
• 40:57
  supposed
• 40:57
  to
• 40:58
  be.
• 40:59
  Right.
• 41:01
  Like,
• 41:01
  when
• 41:01
  you
• 41:01
  don't
• 41:01
  fully
• 41:02
  understand.
• 41:03
  When
• 41:03
  I
• 41:03
  look
• 41:03
  in
• 41:03
  the
• 41:04
  mirror
• 41:04
  and
• 41:04
  say,
• 41:04
  I
• 41:05
  love
• 41:05
  you,
• 41:06
  and
• 41:06
  my
• 41:06
  insides
• 41:07
  kind
• 41:07
  of
• 41:07
  cringe,
• 41:08
  that's
• 41:09
  a
• 41:09
  signal
• 41:10
  that
• 41:11
  affirmation
• 41:11
  won't
• 41:12
  work.
• 41:12
  Because
• 41:12
  you
• 41:13
  actually
• 41:13
  don't
• 41:13
  believe
• 41:13
  that.
• 41:16
  Right.
• 41:16
  So.
• 41:17
  But
• 41:17
  at
• 41:17
  the
• 41:17
  same
• 41:18
  time,
• 41:19
  I
• 41:19
  did
• 41:19
  it
• 41:19
  anyway,
• 41:20
  and
• 41:20
  it
• 41:21
  did
• 41:21
  start
• 41:21
  to
• 41:21
  change
• 41:22
  things,
• 41:24
  and
• 41:24
  then
• 41:24
  I
• 41:25
  could
• 41:25
  start
• 41:25
  dealing
• 41:25
  with
• 41:26
  the
• 41:26
  feelings
• 41:27
  that
• 41:27
  were
• 41:27
  coming
• 41:28
  up
• 41:28
  because
• 41:29
  of
• 41:29
  it.
• 41:30
  Does
• 41:30
  that
• 41:30
  make
• 41:30
  sense?
• 41:31
  That's
• 41:31
  what
• 41:31
  I
• 41:31
  mean
• 41:32
  by
• 41:32
  bypassing.
• 41:33
  Like,
• 41:33
  sometimes
• 41:34
  you
• 41:34
  just
• 41:34
  have
• 41:34
  to
• 41:35
  do
• 41:35
  something
• 41:36
  wrong.
• 41:36
  You
• 41:37
  have
• 41:37
  to
• 41:37
  start
• 41:37
  changing
• 41:37
  the
• 41:38
  story.
• 41:39
  And.
• 41:39
  Yeah,
• 41:39
  like.
• 41:40
  And
• 41:41
  little
• 41:41
  by
• 41:42
  little,
• 41:42
  yes,
• 41:43
  you
• 41:43
  can
• 41:44
  start
• 41:44
  actually
• 41:45
  doing
• 41:45
  the
• 41:45
  work.
• 41:46
  Yeah.
• 41:47
  And
• 41:47
  reminder,
• 41:47
  when
• 41:48
  I
• 41:48
  was
• 41:48
  in
• 41:48
  coaching
• 41:48
  school,
• 41:49
  this
• 41:50
  is
• 41:50
  six
• 41:51
  years
• 41:52
  after
• 41:53
  I
• 41:53
  started
• 41:53
  climbing
• 41:54
  out
• 41:54
  of
• 41:54
  the
• 41:54
  hole,
• 41:56
  and
• 41:56
  I
• 41:56
  still
• 41:57
  didn't
• 41:57
  love
• 41:58
  myself.
• 41:58
  You
• 41:58
  still
• 41:59
  didn't
• 41:59
  what?
• 41:59
  Love
• 42:00
  myself?
• 42:03
  Not
• 42:03
  all
• 42:03
  the
• 42:03
  way.
• 42:05
  Yeah,
• 42:05
  but
• 42:05
  you
• 42:06
  were
• 42:06
  loved.
• 42:06
  Certain
• 42:07
  parts
• 42:07
  of
• 42:07
  myself,.
• 42:10
  No.
• 42:12
  I
• 42:13
  was
• 42:13
  much
• 42:13
  nicer
• 42:14
  to
• 42:14
  other
• 42:14
  people
• 42:14
  than
• 42:14
  I
• 42:14
  was
• 42:15
  to
• 42:15
  myself.
• 42:15
  That
• 42:16
  I
• 42:16
  could
• 42:16
  do.
• 42:18
  But
• 42:18
  I
• 42:18
  was
• 42:19
  building
• 42:19
  that
• 42:19
  muscle.
• 42:20
  Right.
• 42:21
  So
• 42:21
  that
• 42:21
  I
• 42:21
  could
• 42:22
  then
• 42:22
  use
• 42:22
  it
• 42:22
  on
• 42:22
  myself.
• 42:23
  Like,
• 42:23
  if
• 42:23
  I
• 42:24
  can
• 42:24
  treat
• 42:24
  Erica
• 42:25
  with
• 42:25
  compassion
• 42:26
  when
• 42:26
  she's
• 42:26
  going
• 42:27
  through
• 42:27
  this
• 42:27
  situation,
• 42:28
  can
• 42:28
  I,
• 42:28
  in
• 42:29
  turn
• 42:29
  treat
• 42:30
  myself
• 42:30
  with
• 42:31
  compassion
• 42:31
  when
• 42:32
  I'm
• 42:32
  going
• 42:32
  through
• 42:33
  the
• 42:33
  situation?
• 42:34
  Yep.
• 42:36
  Right.
• 42:36
  It's
• 42:38
  question
• 42:38
  of,
• 42:39
  like,
• 42:39
  what
• 42:39
  would
• 42:39
  you
• 42:39
  tell
• 42:39
  your
• 42:40
  closest
• 42:40
  friend
• 42:41
  if
• 42:41
  they
• 42:41
  were
• 42:42
  going
• 42:42
  through
• 42:42
  what
• 42:42
  you're
• 42:42
  going
• 42:43
  through?
• 42:44
  And
• 42:44
  then
• 42:44
  you
• 42:44
  compare
• 42:45
  that
• 42:45
  to
• 42:45
  the
• 42:45
  narrative
• 42:46
  that
• 42:46
  you're
• 42:46
  currently
• 42:46
  feeding
• 42:47
  to
• 42:47
  yourself,
• 42:47
  and
• 42:48
  you're
• 42:48
  like,
• 42:48
  oh,
• 42:48
  I'm
• 42:49
  real
• 42:49
  mean
• 42:49
  to
• 42:49
  myself
• 42:49
  sometimes.
• 42:51
  Sometimes.
• 42:53
  Back
• 42:53
  then,
• 42:54
  I
• 42:54
  was
• 42:54
  mean
• 42:54
  to
• 42:54
  myself
• 42:54
  all
• 42:55
  the
• 42:55
  time.
• 42:56
  Yeah.
• 42:58
  So,
• 42:58
  yeah,
• 42:58
  Well,
• 42:59
  I
• 42:59
  think
• 42:59
  it's.
• 43:00
  It's.
• 43:00
  It
• 43:01
  connects
• 43:01
  back
• 43:01
  to,
• 43:01
  like,
• 43:02
  what
• 43:02
  you
• 43:02
  were
• 43:02
  saying
• 43:02
  right
• 43:02
  in
• 43:02
  the
• 43:03
  beginning
• 43:03
  about.
• 43:04
  In.
• 43:06
  In
• 43:06
  that
• 43:06
  opportunity
• 43:08
  you.
• 43:10
  You
• 43:11
  got
• 43:11
  at
• 43:11
  work
• 43:12
  that
• 43:13
  allowed
• 43:13
  you
• 43:13
  to
• 43:13
  help
• 43:13
  other
• 43:14
  people.
• 43:14
  Like,
• 43:14
  sometimes
• 43:15
  one
• 43:15
  of
• 43:15
  the
• 43:15
  best
• 43:16
  ways
• 43:16
  for
• 43:16
  us
• 43:16
  to
• 43:16
  help
• 43:16
  ourselves
• 43:17
  is
• 43:17
  to
• 43:17
  help
• 43:17
  others
• 43:19
  kind
• 43:19
  of,
• 43:19
  like,
• 43:20
  create
• 43:21
  those
• 43:22
  little
• 43:22
  connections
• 43:22
  or,
• 43:23
  like,
• 43:24
  feel
• 43:25
  like
• 43:25
  we're
• 43:25
  having
• 43:26
  an
• 43:26
  impact.
• 43:27
  Like,
• 43:27
  that
• 43:28
  is
• 43:29
  helpful
• 43:31
  to
• 43:31
  Even
• 43:31
  just
• 43:32
  pull
• 43:32
  yourself
• 43:32
  out
• 43:33
  a
• 43:33
  little
• 43:33
  bit.
• 43:35
  For
• 43:35
  me,
• 43:35
  it's
• 43:37
  crazy
• 43:37
  helpful.
• 43:38
  Like
• 43:39
  I
• 43:40
  am.
• 43:44
  I
• 43:44
  like
• 43:45
  to
• 43:46
  make
• 43:47
  progress.
• 43:47
  You
• 43:48
  know
• 43:48
  what
• 43:48
  I
• 43:48
  mean?
• 43:48
  Like,
• 43:49
  I
• 43:49
  like
• 43:49
  to
• 43:50
  see
• 43:50
  progress.
• 43:51
  And
• 43:51
  I
• 43:51
  couldn't
• 43:51
  see
• 43:51
  that
• 43:52
  in
• 43:52
  myself,
• 43:52
  but
• 43:52
  I
• 43:52
  could
• 43:53
  see
• 43:53
  it
• 43:53
  outside
• 43:53
  of
• 43:53
  myself
• 43:54
  because
• 43:54
  of
• 43:55
  me.
• 43:59
  So
• 43:59
  to
• 43:59
  me
• 43:59
  that
• 44:00
  was
• 44:00
  the
• 44:00
  doorway.
• 44:01
  Yeah.
• 44:02
  Even
• 44:02
  though
• 44:02
  I
• 44:02
  didn't
• 44:03
  think
• 44:03
  I
• 44:03
  was
• 44:03
  valuable
• 44:04
  to
• 44:04
  myself,
• 44:05
  I
• 44:05
  felt
• 44:06
  valuable
• 44:06
  to
• 44:06
  others.
• 44:08
  And
• 44:09
  it
• 44:09
  helps
• 44:09
  you
• 44:09
  start
• 44:10
  challenging
• 44:10
  the
• 44:10
  voice
• 44:11
  in
• 44:11
  your
• 44:11
  head.
• 44:12
  Yeah.
• 44:13
  Because
• 44:13
  it's
• 44:14
  building,
• 44:15
  grab,
• 44:16
  building
• 44:16
  proof,
• 44:16
  chipping.
• 44:17
  Away
• 44:17
  at
• 44:17
  that
• 44:18
  like
• 44:19
  that.
• 44:20
  The
• 44:20
  false
• 44:20
  narratives
• 44:21
  that
• 44:21
  you're
• 44:21
  telling
• 44:22
  yourself.
• 44:23
  Yeah.
• 44:24
  Because
• 44:24
  while
• 44:24
  you're
• 44:24
  helping
• 44:25
  others
• 44:25
  essentially
• 44:26
  do
• 44:26
  the
• 44:26
  same
• 44:26
  thing.
• 44:27
  Right.
• 44:27
  Because
• 44:27
  basically
• 44:28
  everyone
• 44:28
  lives
• 44:28
  in
• 44:28
  their
• 44:29
  head.
• 44:32
  You
• 44:32
  start
• 44:32
  to
• 44:32
  see
• 44:32
  that
• 44:32
  you
• 44:33
  can
• 44:33
  do
• 44:33
  that
• 44:33
  for
• 44:33
  yourself
• 44:33
  too.
• 44:34
  So
• 44:35
  it
• 44:35
  helps
• 44:35
  you
• 44:36
  like
• 44:37
  you
• 44:37
  start
• 44:37
  to
• 44:37
  see
• 44:37
  yourself.
• 44:39
  Yeah,
• 44:39
  but
• 44:40
  the,
• 44:40
  my
• 44:41
  internal
• 44:41
  dialogue
• 44:42
  at
• 44:42
  that
• 44:42
  time
• 44:42
  was
• 44:43
  you
• 44:43
  are
• 44:43
  unlovable
• 44:43
  and
• 44:44
  you
• 44:44
  are
• 44:44
  worthless.
• 44:45
  Yeah,
• 44:47
  but
• 44:47
  I
• 44:47
  wasn't
• 44:48
  worthless.
• 44:49
  I
• 44:49
  was
• 44:49
  valuable.
• 44:50
  And
• 44:51
  every
• 44:51
  day
• 44:52
  I
• 44:52
  showed
• 44:52
  up
• 44:52
  and
• 44:53
  did
• 44:53
  something
• 44:54
  valuable
• 44:54
  for
• 44:54
  somebody
• 44:55
  else
• 44:57
  was
• 44:58
  taking
• 44:59
  apart
• 45:00
  another
• 45:00
  piece
• 45:01
  of
• 45:01
  that
• 45:01
  internal
• 45:03
  story
• 45:03
  that
• 45:04
  I
• 45:04
  was
• 45:04
  telling
• 45:04
  myself.
• 45:05
  Right.
• 45:05
  So
• 45:06
  many
• 45:06
  of
• 45:06
  us
• 45:06
  have
• 45:06
  a
• 45:07
  hard
• 45:07
  time
• 45:07
  acknowledging
• 45:11
  the
• 45:11
  stories
• 45:11
  in
• 45:12
  which
• 45:12
  we're
• 45:12
  valuable.
• 45:13
  No,
• 45:13
  but
• 45:13
  like,
• 45:14
  like
• 45:14
  our
• 45:14
  own
• 45:15
  value.
• 45:16
  I
• 45:16
  think
• 45:17
  back
• 45:17
  to
• 45:17
  the
• 45:17
  moment
• 45:18
  where
• 45:18
  someone
• 45:18
  said
• 45:19
  to
• 45:19
  you,
• 45:19
  I
• 45:19
  think
• 45:20
  you'd
• 45:20
  be
• 45:20
  really
• 45:20
  good
• 45:20
  at
• 45:20
  this.
• 45:22
  And,
• 45:22
  and
• 45:22
  I'm,
• 45:23
  I
• 45:23
  was
• 45:23
  just
• 45:23
  like
• 45:23
  reflecting
• 45:24
  for
• 45:24
  myself
• 45:25
  of
• 45:25
  how
• 45:25
  many
• 45:25
  times
• 45:27
  I've
• 45:27
  actually
• 45:28
  said
• 45:28
  that
• 45:28
  to
• 45:28
  myself.
• 45:30
  Never.
• 45:30
  Versus
• 45:31
  the
• 45:31
  number
• 45:31
  of
• 45:31
  times
• 45:32
  I've
• 45:32
  said
• 45:32
  that
• 45:32
  to
• 45:32
  someone
• 45:33
  else.
• 45:34
  Like,
• 45:35
  or.
• 45:36
  I
• 45:36
  think
• 45:37
  a
• 45:37
  lot
• 45:37
  of
• 45:37
  the
• 45:37
  good
• 45:38
  opportunities
• 45:39
  in
• 45:40
  my
• 45:40
  life
• 45:40
  have
• 45:40
  come
• 45:40
  about
• 45:41
  because
• 45:41
  someone
• 45:41
  else
• 45:42
  is
• 45:42
  like,
• 45:42
  I
• 45:42
  think
• 45:42
  you'd
• 45:42
  be
• 45:42
  good
• 45:43
  at
• 45:43
  this
• 45:43
  or
• 45:43
  I
• 45:43
  think
• 45:43
  you
• 45:44
  would
• 45:44
  love
• 45:44
  doing
• 45:44
  this.
• 45:45
  I
• 45:45
  think
• 45:45
  you'd
• 45:46
  really
• 45:46
  enjoy
• 45:46
  it.
• 45:46
  Right.
• 45:47
  Like
• 45:47
  it's
• 45:47
  the
• 45:47
  people
• 45:47
  who
• 45:47
  know
• 45:48
  you
• 45:48
  best
• 45:49
  and
• 45:49
  can
• 45:49
  see
• 45:50
  things
• 45:50
  in
• 45:50
  you
• 45:52
  that
• 45:52
  you
• 45:52
  can't
• 45:53
  always
• 45:53
  see
• 45:53
  when
• 45:54
  you're
• 45:54
  stuck
• 45:55
  in
• 45:55
  that
• 45:56
  like
• 45:56
  inner
• 45:56
  narrative.
• 45:57
  When
• 45:57
  that
• 45:57
  very,
• 45:57
  like
• 45:58
  that
• 45:58
  very
• 45:58
  self
• 45:58
  deprecating
• 45:59
  story.
• 45:59
  Because
• 46:00
  I
• 46:00
  feel
• 46:00
  like
• 46:00
  we're,
• 46:01
  I
• 46:02
  feel
• 46:02
  like
• 46:02
  that's
• 46:02
  also
• 46:02
  part
• 46:03
  of
• 46:03
  our
• 46:03
  conditioning.
• 46:03
  Right.
• 46:04
  Like
• 46:04
  absolutely
• 46:05
  need
• 46:06
  to
• 46:06
  kind
• 46:06
  of
• 46:07
  make
• 46:08
  ourselves
• 46:08
  small
• 46:09
  and
• 46:09
  make
• 46:09
  ourselves
• 46:10
  fit.
• 46:10
  And
• 46:10
  like,
• 46:11
  like
• 46:11
  I
• 46:12
  think
• 46:12
  you
• 46:12
  said
• 46:12
  at
• 46:12
  the
• 46:12
  beginning,
• 46:13
  performing,
• 46:14
  like,
• 46:15
  yeah,
• 46:15
  doing,
• 46:17
  doing
• 46:17
  all
• 46:17
  these
• 46:17
  things
• 46:18
  for
• 46:20
  the
• 46:20
  performative
• 46:20
  nature
• 46:21
  of
• 46:21
  it,
• 46:21
  but
• 46:21
  if
• 46:21
  we
• 46:21
  can
• 46:22
  actually
• 46:22
  tap
• 46:23
  into
• 46:25
  the
• 46:25
  things
• 46:26
  that
• 46:26
  make
• 46:27
  us
• 46:27
  come
• 46:27
  alive
• 46:30
  or
• 46:30
  when
• 46:30
  someone
• 46:31
  shows
• 46:31
  us
• 46:31
  something
• 46:31
  that
• 46:32
  makes
• 46:32
  us
• 46:32
  come
• 46:32
  alive,
• 46:33
  like
• 46:33
  man,
• 46:34
  does
• 46:34
  that
• 46:34
  ever
• 46:34
  like
• 46:35
  change
• 46:35
  things.
• 46:40
  And
• 46:40
  I'll,
• 46:41
  I'll
• 46:41
  say
• 46:41
  too,
• 46:43
  finding
• 46:43
  your
• 46:43
  people.
• 46:44
  Right.
• 46:44
  Like,
• 46:45
  I
• 46:45
  feel
• 46:45
  like
• 46:45
  that's
• 46:45
  very
• 46:46
  helpful
• 46:47
  aside
• 46:47
  from
• 46:47
  like
• 46:47
  the
• 46:47
  other
• 46:48
  people,
• 46:48
  like
• 46:48
  workplaces
• 46:49
  and
• 46:49
  stuff
• 46:49
  where
• 46:50
  they
• 46:50
  see
• 46:50
  something
• 46:51
  in
• 46:51
  you
• 46:52
  finding
• 46:52
  your
• 46:52
  people
• 46:53
  is.
• 46:53
  It's
• 46:54
  just
• 46:54
  a
• 46:54
  community,
• 46:54
  right?
• 46:55
  Like,
• 46:55
  when
• 46:55
  you
• 46:55
  find
• 46:55
  a
• 46:56
  community
• 46:56
  is.
• 46:58
  It's
• 46:58
  so
• 46:59
  helpful
• 46:59
  because
• 46:59
  that,
• 46:59
  like,
• 47:00
  we
• 47:00
  do
• 47:00
  need
• 47:00
  each
• 47:01
  other,
• 47:01
  right?
• 47:02
  Like,
• 47:02
  we
• 47:02
  need,
• 47:03
  we
• 47:03
  need
• 47:03
  others
• 47:04
  to
• 47:04
  see
• 47:04
  the
• 47:05
  things
• 47:05
  that,
• 47:06
  you
• 47:06
  know,
• 47:07
  we
• 47:08
  can't
• 47:08
  see.
• 47:09
  Like
• 47:09
  those
• 47:09
  roadblocks,
• 47:10
  right?
• 47:10
  Like,
• 47:10
  it's
• 47:11
  so
• 47:11
  helpful
• 47:11
  to
• 47:12
  see
• 47:12
  because
• 47:12
  it,
• 47:12
  it
• 47:12
  really,
• 47:14
  like,
• 47:15
  yes,
• 47:15
  you
• 47:15
  have
• 47:15
  to
• 47:15
  help
• 47:15
  yourself
• 47:16
  and
• 47:16
  build
• 47:16
  your
• 47:16
  confidence,
• 47:17
  but
• 47:18
  when
• 47:18
  you
• 47:19
  have
• 47:19
  the
• 47:19
  support
• 47:19
  of
• 47:20
  others
• 47:20
  or
• 47:20
  when
• 47:20
  others
• 47:21
  see
• 47:21
  in
• 47:21
  you
• 47:21
  what
• 47:22
  you
• 47:22
  can't
• 47:22
  see
• 47:22
  in
• 47:22
  you,
• 47:23
  it's,
• 47:23
  it's,
• 47:24
  it's.
• 47:24
  It
• 47:24
  gives
• 47:25
  you
• 47:25
  this
• 47:25
  little,
• 47:26
  like,
• 47:27
  pep
• 47:27
  in
• 47:27
  your
• 47:27
  step,
• 47:28
  right?
• 47:28
  Like,
• 47:28
  it
• 47:29
  just
• 47:30
  helps
• 47:30
  you
• 47:30
  start
• 47:31
  believing
• 47:31
  in
• 47:31
  yourself
• 47:32
  a
• 47:32
  little
• 47:32
  more
• 47:32
  because
• 47:32
  you're
• 47:32
  like,
• 47:33
  oh,
• 47:34
  wow,
• 47:34
  you
• 47:34
  see
• 47:35
  that
• 47:35
  in
• 47:35
  me?
• 47:35
  Like,
• 47:35
  and
• 47:35
  then
• 47:36
  you
• 47:36
  can
• 47:36
  look
• 47:36
  at
• 47:36
  it
• 47:37
  and
• 47:37
  start
• 47:37
  seeing
• 47:38
  it
• 47:38
  in
• 47:38
  yourself.
• 47:39
  It's
• 47:39
  like,
• 47:39
  my
• 47:40
  whole
• 47:40
  point
• 47:40
  is
• 47:40
  that
• 47:40
  we
• 47:41
  just.
• 47:41
  We
• 47:42
  need
• 47:42
  other
• 47:42
  people.
• 47:42
  We
• 47:43
  can't
• 47:43
  do
• 47:43
  it
• 47:43
  all
• 47:43
  alone,
• 47:44
  right?
• 47:44
  Yeah.
• 47:45
  I
• 47:46
  think
• 47:46
  about
• 47:48
  going
• 47:48
  back
• 47:48
  to
• 47:48
  just
• 47:48
  that
• 47:49
  idea
• 47:49
  of,
• 47:49
  like,
• 47:49
  performing
• 47:51
  again.
• 47:51
  It's
• 47:51
  like
• 47:52
  everything
• 47:53
  feels
• 47:53
  like
• 47:53
  it's
• 47:54
  become
• 47:54
  so
• 47:54
  competitive
• 47:56
  and
• 47:56
  there's
• 47:57
  this,
• 47:57
  like,
• 47:57
  performative
• 47:58
  nature
• 47:58
  about
• 47:59
  so
• 47:59
  many
• 47:59
  things.
• 47:59
  And
• 48:00
  we've
• 48:00
  become
• 48:00
  so
• 48:00
  hyper
• 48:01
  independent
• 48:02
  because
• 48:03
  of
• 48:03
  the,
• 48:03
  like,
• 48:04
  the
• 48:04
  competition
• 48:04
  or
• 48:05
  the,
• 48:05
  like,
• 48:05
  needing
• 48:06
  to
• 48:06
  kind
• 48:06
  of
• 48:06
  like
• 48:06
  the,
• 48:07
  the
• 48:07
  keeping
• 48:08
  up
• 48:08
  with
• 48:08
  the
• 48:08
  Joneses
• 48:08
  or
• 48:09
  like,
• 48:09
  putting
• 48:09
  on,
• 48:09
  like,
• 48:10
  having
• 48:10
  the,
• 48:11
  the
• 48:11
  image
• 48:12
  or
• 48:12
  whatever
• 48:14
  that
• 48:14
  if
• 48:14
  we,
• 48:14
  like,
• 48:14
  returned
• 48:15
  to
• 48:15
  this
• 48:16
  state
• 48:16
  of
• 48:17
  just
• 48:18
  admitting
• 48:18
  when
• 48:19
  we
• 48:19
  need
• 48:19
  each
• 48:19
  other
• 48:20
  instead
• 48:20
  of
• 48:20
  competing
• 48:21
  with
• 48:21
  one
• 48:21
  another,
• 48:21
  just
• 48:22
  like
• 48:22
  relying
• 48:23
  on
• 48:23
  one
• 48:23
  another,
• 48:25
  how
• 48:25
  different
• 48:27
  so
• 48:27
  many
• 48:28
  of
• 48:28
  these
• 48:28
  things
• 48:28
  would
• 48:28
  feel.
• 48:30
  Because
• 48:30
  I
• 48:30
  feel
• 48:30
  like
• 48:30
  so
• 48:31
  much
• 48:31
  of
• 48:31
  it
• 48:31
  comes
• 48:31
  from.
• 48:32
  At
• 48:32
  least
• 48:32
  for
• 48:33
  me,
• 48:33
  Like,
• 48:33
  I'll
• 48:33
  just
• 48:33
  speak
• 48:34
  from
• 48:34
  my
• 48:34
  own
• 48:34
  experience.
• 48:35
  I
• 48:37
  suck
• 48:37
  at
• 48:37
  asking
• 48:38
  for
• 48:38
  help.
• 48:38
  Like,
• 48:39
  I
• 48:39
  am
• 48:39
  terrible
• 48:40
  at
• 48:40
  asking
• 48:41
  for
• 48:41
  help.
• 48:42
  So
• 48:42
  it's
• 48:43
  a
• 48:43
  constant
• 48:43
  work
• 48:44
  in
• 48:44
  progress
• 48:44
  for
• 48:44
  me.
• 48:45
  But
• 48:46
  I
• 48:46
  feel
• 48:46
  like
• 48:46
  it's
• 48:46
  because
• 48:47
  I
• 48:48
  was
• 48:48
  sort
• 48:49
  of,
• 48:49
  like,
• 48:49
  taught
• 48:49
  to
• 48:50
  take
• 48:50
  pride
• 48:50
  in
• 48:51
  being
• 48:51
  independent
• 48:54
  and
• 48:54
  figuring
• 48:54
  things
• 48:54
  out
• 48:55
  and
• 48:55
  like,
• 48:55
  whatever.
• 48:56
  And
• 48:56
  I
• 48:56
  was
• 48:56
  also
• 48:57
  sort
• 48:57
  of
• 48:57
  taught
• 48:58
  that
• 48:59
  it's
• 48:59
  better
• 49:00
  to
• 49:00
  give.
• 49:01
  And
• 49:01
  so
• 49:01
  I
• 49:02
  just
• 49:02
  sort
• 49:02
  of
• 49:02
  like,
• 49:02
  adopted
• 49:03
  this.
• 49:04
  I'm
• 49:04
  a
• 49:04
  giver,
• 49:04
  I'll
• 49:05
  help
• 49:05
  everybody
• 49:05
  else,
• 49:05
  but
• 49:06
  nobody's
• 49:06
  allowed
• 49:06
  to
• 49:06
  help
• 49:07
  me
• 49:07
  kind
• 49:07
  of
• 49:08
  mentality.
• 49:09
  And
• 49:09
  there
• 49:09
  was
• 49:10
  shame
• 49:10
  in
• 49:11
  it
• 49:11
  for
• 49:11
  me,
• 49:11
  asking
• 49:12
  for
• 49:12
  help
• 49:12
  or
• 49:13
  like,
• 49:14
  reaching
• 49:14
  out
• 49:15
  when
• 49:15
  I
• 49:15
  needed
• 49:16
  something.
• 49:16
  Right.
• 49:18
  Interesting.
• 49:21
  Why?
• 49:21
  I
• 49:21
  don't
• 49:21
  like
• 49:22
  when
• 49:22
  you
• 49:22
  have
• 49:22
  another
• 49:22
  episode
• 49:23
  about
• 49:23
  that.
• 49:24
  Yeah,
• 49:24
  so
• 49:25
  many
• 49:25
  topics
• 49:25
  here
• 49:26
  because
• 49:26
  so
• 49:26
  many
• 49:26
  topics.
• 49:27
  Performing,
• 49:28
  asking
• 49:28
  for
• 49:29
  help.
• 49:29
  I
• 49:29
  was
• 49:30
  taught
• 49:31
  that
• 49:31
  asking
• 49:32
  for
• 49:32
  help
• 49:33
  never
• 49:33
  changed
• 49:34
  anything
• 49:35
  because
• 49:35
  nobody
• 49:35
  was
• 49:36
  going
• 49:36
  to
• 49:36
  help
• 49:36
  you.
• 49:36
  Interesting.
• 49:37
  Yeah,
• 49:39
  that's
• 49:39
  exactly
• 49:40
  why
• 49:40
  I
• 49:40
  said
• 49:40
  that.
• 49:44
  We're
• 49:44
  gonna
• 49:45
  Put
• 49:45
  a
• 49:45
  pin
• 49:45
  in
• 49:45
  this.
• 49:50
  Yeah.
• 49:50
  I
• 49:51
  feel
• 49:51
  like
• 49:51
  it's
• 49:52
  so
• 49:52
  many
• 49:52
  topics
• 49:52
  here
• 49:53
  that
• 49:53
  I'm
• 49:53
  writing
• 49:53
  them
• 49:54
  down.
• 49:55
  Thank
• 49:55
  you.
• 49:57
  Yeah.
• 49:57
  Well,
• 49:57
  anything
• 49:58
  else
• 49:58
  for
• 49:58
  me?
• 49:59
  Yeah.
• 49:59
  And
• 49:59
  I,
• 49:59
  I,
• 50:00
  I
• 50:00
  would
• 50:00
  like
• 50:00
  to
• 50:01
  know
• 50:01
  where
• 50:01
  you
• 50:01
  are
• 50:02
  today.
• 50:03
  In
• 50:05
  with
• 50:05
  your
• 50:06
  marriage,
• 50:06
  with
• 50:06
  your.
• 50:07
  Yeah.
• 50:07
  With
• 50:08
  your
• 50:08
  relationship.
• 50:08
  Oh,
• 50:09
  um,
• 50:12
  In
• 50:12
  a
• 50:13
  slightly
• 50:13
  uncomfortable
• 50:14
  place.
• 50:16
  So
• 50:18
  we
• 50:18
  are
• 50:19
  getting
• 50:19
  a
• 50:19
  divorce
• 50:21
  and.
• 50:22
  Yeah,
• 50:24
  that's
• 50:25
  it.
• 50:26
  It's
• 50:26
  fine.
• 50:27
  Everything's
• 50:28
  good
• 50:29
  in
• 50:29
  the
• 50:29
  sense
• 50:29
  that
• 50:31
  we
• 50:31
  don't
• 50:31
  hate
• 50:32
  each
• 50:32
  other.
• 50:32
  Like,
• 50:32
  we're
• 50:33
  still
• 50:33
  friends
• 50:33
  or
• 50:33
  whatever.
• 50:35
  It's
• 50:35
  just
• 50:37
  living
• 50:37
  in
• 50:37
  the
• 50:38
  same
• 50:38
  house,
• 50:39
  trying
• 50:39
  to
• 50:39
  sort
• 50:40
  stuff
• 50:40
  out,
• 50:40
  get
• 50:41
  the
• 50:41
  legal
• 50:41
  things
• 50:42
  lined
• 50:42
  up
• 50:42
  and.
• 50:43
  Yeah.
• 50:45
  That's
• 50:46
  why
• 50:46
  I
• 50:46
  don't
• 50:47
  know
• 50:47
  where
• 50:47
  I'll
• 50:47
  be
• 50:47
  in
• 50:47
  six
• 50:48
  months.
• 50:48
  Yeah.
• 50:50
  What
• 50:50
  was
• 50:51
  like
• 50:51
  your,
• 50:52
  like
• 50:52
  your
• 50:53
  breaking
• 50:53
  point
• 50:53
  with
• 50:54
  that?
• 50:54
  Like
• 50:54
  what,
• 50:54
  what
• 50:55
  got
• 50:55
  you
• 50:55
  to
• 50:55
  that
• 50:56
  decision?
• 50:59
  Do
• 50:59
  we
• 50:59
  want
• 50:59
  to
• 50:59
  do
• 51:00
  like
• 51:00
  a
• 51:00
  whole
• 51:00
  session
• 51:01
  on
• 51:01
  this
• 51:01
  for
• 51:01
  the
• 51:01
  three
• 51:02
  of
• 51:02
  us?
• 51:04
  I
• 51:04
  mean,
• 51:04
  we
• 51:04
  could.
• 51:04
  Is
• 51:04
  there
• 51:05
  a
• 51:05
  breaking
• 51:05
  point?
• 51:07
  Yeah.
• 51:07
  Like,
• 51:07
  what
• 51:07
  was
• 51:07
  like.
• 51:08
  I
• 51:08
  guess
• 51:08
  I
• 51:08
  feel
• 51:08
  like
• 51:08
  there
• 51:09
  are
• 51:09
  many,
• 51:10
  if
• 51:10
  that
• 51:10
  makes
• 51:10
  sense.
• 51:11
  Death
• 51:12
  by
• 51:12
  a
• 51:12
  thousand
• 51:12
  paper
• 51:13
  cuts
• 51:13
  is
• 51:13
  how
• 51:13
  I
• 51:13
  describe
• 51:14
  my
• 51:14
  mind.
• 51:16
  I
• 51:16
  think
• 51:16
  there's
• 51:16
  no
• 51:17
  one
• 51:17
  big
• 51:17
  thing.
• 51:18
  It
• 51:18
  was,
• 51:19
  I
• 51:19
  think
• 51:20
  for
• 51:20
  me,
• 51:20
  there
• 51:20
  was
• 51:20
  one
• 51:21
  thing
• 51:21
  where
• 51:21
  I
• 51:21
  was
• 51:21
  like,
• 51:23
  oh,
• 51:25
  yeah.
• 51:25
  Like,
• 51:26
  I
• 51:26
  had
• 51:26
  been
• 51:26
  thinking
• 51:27
  something,
• 51:29
  you
• 51:29
  know,
• 51:29
  like,
• 51:29
  for
• 51:29
  a
• 51:30
  while.
• 51:30
  This,
• 51:30
  to
• 51:30
  me,
• 51:30
  this
• 51:30
  is
• 51:31
  like
• 51:31
  a
• 51:31
  longer
• 51:31
  topic,
• 51:32
  so.
• 51:33
  Okay.
• 51:33
  But
• 51:34
  there
• 51:34
  was
• 51:34
  a
• 51:34
  single
• 51:35
  conversation
• 51:35
  where
• 51:36
  it
• 51:36
  was
• 51:36
  like,
• 51:37
  ah,
• 51:39
  and
• 51:40
  insane.
• 51:41
  Right,
• 51:42
  Got
• 51:43
  it.
• 51:46
  I
• 51:47
  hate
• 51:47
  that
• 51:47
  my
• 51:47
  brain
• 51:48
  works
• 51:48
  that
• 51:48
  way
• 51:48
  too,
• 51:49
  where
• 51:49
  it's
• 51:49
  like,
• 51:49
  once
• 51:49
  I
• 51:50
  see
• 51:50
  something,
• 51:50
  I
• 51:50
  can't
• 51:51
  unsee
• 51:51
  it.
• 51:51
  And
• 51:52
  sorry,
• 51:52
  friend,
• 51:52
  there's
• 51:53
  no
• 51:53
  coming
• 51:53
  back
• 51:53
  from
• 51:53
  that.
• 51:55
  Like,
• 51:55
  there's
• 51:55
  no
• 51:55
  redemption,
• 51:56
  no
• 51:56
  shot.
• 51:59
  I
• 51:59
  mean,
• 52:00
  to
• 52:00
  me,
• 52:00
  it
• 52:00
  was
• 52:00
  really
• 52:01
  more
• 52:01
  about,
• 52:04
  okay,
• 52:04
  I
• 52:04
  can't
• 52:05
  pretend
• 52:05
  anymore.
• 52:07
  Exactly.
• 52:09
  So,
• 52:09
  yes.
• 52:10
  Can
• 52:11
  totally
• 52:11
  relate
• 52:11
  to
• 52:11
  that.
• 52:12
  Well,
• 52:12
  thank
• 52:12
  you
• 52:12
  for
• 52:12
  sharing
• 52:13
  all
• 52:13
  of
• 52:13
  that,
• 52:15
  for
• 52:16
  your
• 52:16
  vulnerability,
• 52:19
  answering
• 52:19
  all
• 52:20
  of
• 52:20
  our
• 52:20
  questions
• 52:22
  and
• 52:22
  giving
• 52:23
  us
• 52:23
  even
• 52:23
  more
• 52:23
  topics
• 52:24
  to
• 52:24
  talk
• 52:24
  about.
• 52:26
  You
• 52:26
  guys
• 52:27
  were
• 52:27
  distracting
• 52:28
  me
• 52:29
  because
• 52:29
  I
• 52:30
  was
• 52:30
  talking.
• 52:30
  Because
• 52:31
  your
• 52:31
  faces
• 52:31
  kept
• 52:32
  doing
• 52:32
  like
• 52:33
  the.
• 52:33
  Oh,
• 52:35
  I
• 52:36
  should
• 52:36
  have
• 52:36
  been
• 52:36
  like
• 52:36
  Adriana
• 52:37
  and
• 52:37
  printed
• 52:37
  it
• 52:37
  out.
• 52:39
  Don't
• 52:40
  look.
• 52:40
  Not
• 52:41
  looking.
• 52:44
  It
• 52:44
  was
• 52:44
  distracting.
• 52:45
  Yeah.
• 52:46
  Ignore
• 52:47
  the
• 52:47
  non
• 52:48
  verbal
• 52:48
  conversations
• 52:49
  happening
• 52:49
  over
• 52:50
  here.
• 52:50
  I
• 52:51
  can't
• 52:51
  control
• 52:52
  over
• 52:52
  what
• 52:53
  my
• 52:53
  face
• 52:53
  does.
• 52:53
  Right.
• 52:54
  I
• 52:54
  always
• 52:54
  make
• 52:54
  a
• 52:54
  face.
• 52:55
  I
• 52:55
  love
• 52:56
  it
• 52:56
  like
• 52:56
  that.
• 52:57
  It's
• 52:58
  so
• 52:58
  engaging.
• 52:58
  Right.
• 52:59
  Like,
• 52:59
  I
• 52:59
  want
• 52:59
  to
• 52:59
  dig
• 53:00
  in
• 53:00
  as
• 53:00
  soon
• 53:00
  as
• 53:00
  I
• 53:01
  see
• 53:01
  those
• 53:01
  expressions.
• 53:02
  And
• 53:02
  it's
• 53:03
  like,
• 53:03
  oh,
• 53:03
  I
• 53:03
  have
• 53:03
  to
• 53:03
  finish
• 53:03
  my
• 53:04
  story.
• 53:05
  Right.
• 53:08
  That's
• 53:09
  awesome.
• 53:09
  All
• 53:09
  right,
• 53:10
  well,
• 53:10
  we'll
• 53:11
  be
• 53:11
  back
• 53:12
  again.