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SMNTY Fiction: Terminus Part 3 (Chapter 1) · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm come stuff. I
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: never told you production of iHeartRadio. And we're back with
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: our Sminty Fiction segment, which is a once a month
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: thing that we do. Currently it's an ongoing thing. We
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: are on the third of a trilogy, the Final Terminus,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: so it is ongoing. I mean, if you want to
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: start here, go for it. But this is you might
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: be a little confused. This is a sequel. So, as
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I've said before, I wrote all of these for National
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Novel Writing Months, which oh my god, is right now? Wow? Well, anyway,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: this one I was clear. I remember when I wrote
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: this one and I was in I wrote it in
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: like wild weekend when I was in Savannah. So I
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: don't edit these that much because I kind of like
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: looking at what was going through my head? Why did
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: I write this as someone who's never had a child,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: and so much of it is about motherhood, But this
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: what this chapter? I was like, Oh, you were you
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: were running, you were trying to get the work out.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: So I did edit this one a little bit more
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: than I typically do. Also, we're going to talk about
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: this a bit more at the end. This one has
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of I can tell what I was going
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: through during this time. It's actually kind of oddly appropriate
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: for what I think a lot of us are feeling
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: right now after the twenty twenty four election. It's a
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: very like you have you have just gotten beaten down?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: How are you going to move on from this? So I,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: for simplicity just calling this terminus three. It was called
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Finite Children of Children, And again I remember a lot
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: of specifics about writing this. I have a friend who
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: loves music, is very moved by music, uh in a
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: way that I'm kind of as someone who's also moved
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: by a lot of things. I'm like, Wow, you were
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: feeling this really powerfully. It's often like tears involved. One
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: time I was at his place and I was telling
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: him about these feelings I was feeling, and he was like,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I have this song for you, and I'm going to
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: play it, and so he gets it out and it
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: was this song called Children of Children by Jason Isbel
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: and it has this line in it. I was writing
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: on my mother's hips. She was shorter than the corn,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: all the years I took from her just by being born,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: And that was kind of I think what I was
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: grappling with when I wrote this of just feeling guilty
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: about a lot of stuff that my mom had been through.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I felt somehow that it was my fault. So something
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: to keep in mind. I guess as we read this.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: As we go through this, he did cry at the end.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: It was a nice moment. I like it stood out
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: to me anyway. Content warning for non explicit suicidality at painkillers, injuries,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: internalized shame, just a general hopeless vibe starting at the
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: top on this one. But yeah, so that's because it
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: ended in a pretty hopeless place. So so far we
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: have been following these two characters, Tilda and Madison, in
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: this world that is dying. Humanity is dying because of
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: this disease that you later find out was manufactured by
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: a religious group. But because of all of that, and
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: because the religious group called arm works with the governments,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: there is a board for better parenting and they decide
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: where if a child is born in rare occasion, they
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: decide with the child goes. Tilda had her son, Madison, illegally,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: and she they were going to take Madison from her,
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: so they've been she escaped with him, and they've been
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: on their run for eight years at this point, and
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: they find out they find a resistance is trying to
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: make a vaccine that turns out the resistances of what
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: they quite thought it was. And then they find out
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: that the leader of arm the leaders are Madison's grandparents,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and so there's a big confrontation that they have, and
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: then Tilda gets a vaccine and gives it to Madison
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: as one of only two, and she escapes after broadcasting
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: over their national broadcast system about what happened in the
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: truth of where this came from, and they've been on
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: the run ever since, and there's been a lot of
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: questions of do what do we do now that Madison
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: has been given the vaccine and kind of Madison wrestling
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: with that and feeling guilty, and Tilda feeling guilty because
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: she doesn't know what to do, hearing her mom over
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: the system telling her like, please come back because things
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: are different now, and not trusting that. They had a
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: pretty dangerous encounter with a moving group of people, and
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: then they found another group of people that seemed like
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: they were nice, but Tilda was still unwilling to trust them,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: and then as they parted ways, Tilda and Madison were
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: attacked by people in tanks and Madison was taken from her,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: and she was pretty brutally injured and shoved down a
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: hill to die. And she doesn't know what she's gonna be.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Her whole life has been defined by Madison, so she
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: doesn't know what she's gonna do or be or anything.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: So that was where it ended, and that is where
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: we'll pick up right now. The world fell into place
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: in pieces. First was the smell mildew and leaves heavy
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Intilda's nose. Then the cold in the air and in
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: her clothes and in her skin, in her bones, apart
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: from her hot and swollen face, throbbing pain and pulsing
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: agches permeating every part of her body. Her right knee
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: pulsated with agony, her left ankle pounding, her wrist throbbing
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: with every heart beat, her ribs tight, fiery, her throat
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: burned from screaming, her nose surely broken and impossible to
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: breathe through. Memory came last, and when it did, it
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: was like a live wire being placed against the base
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: of her spine. She jolted up and instantly regretted it,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: crying aloud at the soreness Madison. They'd taken Madison. She
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: didn't know who they was, but her mind had a
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: ready supply of dreadful possibilities. The force they'd used to
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: take him did not lend her to be optimistic. Panic
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: ballooned inside her so rapidly she struggled to breathe made
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: more difficult by the mess of blood clogging up her nostrils,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: spots erupting in her vision as she fought to hang
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: on to her only recently one grasp on consciousness. Clumsy
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: legs collapsed when she bolted to her feet, and she
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: fell gracelessly into a heap of heaving flesh and bones.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: The sharpness in her chest was to such a degree
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: that for a moment she thought she might die, not outright,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: but slowly, as she was nowhere near medical care. A
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: broken rib could be inching its way towards her lung,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: and there would be nothing she could do about it.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: While the thought frightened her, what truly scared her was
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: the relief the idea of death gave her. No more
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: struggling every day, no having to figure out how she
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: was going to find Madison and save him. One frail
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: young woman against what appeared to be a small infantry.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: But that was cowardly, and Madison needed her, so she
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: sucked in several bracing breaths, and gradually, this time pushed
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: herself to her knees, wincing as her pack pulled at
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: her shoulders, resting there for a moment and combating the
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: blackness at the edge of her vision. When Tilda had
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: regained her hold on the world again, she slid one
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: foot out from under her, wincing as she placed it
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: on the forest floor. With herculian effort, she hoisted herself
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: up her other foot, clumsily stumbling out to the side
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: to catch her weight. For a moment, she swayed, panting
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: with her eyes closed. Her arm came up to block
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: out the light. When she squinted open her eyes her
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: shoulder blades. Screaming in protest, she choked back a sob
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: of pain, hopelessly looking at the hillside she'd rolled down,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: leading back up to the road. Desperate, Tilda search for
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: another path back to the road, one that didn't involve
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: her much abused body climbing up a hill she'd only recently,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: if the light was anything to go by, fallen down
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: when she barely had the strength to stand. But of
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  Speaker 1: course there was none, not one that she could see.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Swallowing with difficulty, with almost comical carefulness, she pivoted on
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  Speaker 1: her heels to examine the woods behind her, looking for
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  Speaker 1: any other alternate path, But all she found was a
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: tangle of trees and h Reluctantly, she turned back to
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: face the hill in the darkest parts of her mind,
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: wondering if it was possibly worth it, What were the
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: odds she'd ever be reunited with Madison again. Here was
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: a guiltless out, as ugly as it was. Madison would
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: never know, and nor would anyone else. But then she'd
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: have to face herself, something she hadn't had time to
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: do since giving birth to Madison almost eight years ago.
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  Speaker 1: Not only that, she'd had to find a way to
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: live with her decision, and she doubted she had the
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: strength to do it, which meant she had to find
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: the strength to climb up this hill. Concentrating on putting
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: one shaky foot in front of the other, she approached
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: the incline, her breast loud and harsh in the silence.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Her shoes, long without tread, slipped instantly at contact with
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  Speaker 1: the incline, and she fell to her hands and knees
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: with a pain to shout. Long seconds passed where she
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: could only think of dragging one agonized breath in after another,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: her tenuous hold on reality tunneling in and out. Madison
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: the only thought anchoring her, the purpose to pull herself
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: out of the gray world of non being in the
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: back of her mind that she so wanted to retreat
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: to the thought of standing again was laughable and simply
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: out of the question. So instead she did what was
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: left to her and crawled forward on her hands and knees.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: The hill became an insurmountable mountain in her eyes. For
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: every painfully earned foot she slipped backwards, almost equally as
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: much and as painfully as much. Tears pricked her eyes,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: but she refused them. Frustrated with her lack of progress
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: and unwilling to give up so quickly. Tilda's fingers dug
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: into cold dirt, tore into dead leaves, the toes of
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: her shoes buried into the dirt. Each push forward up
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: the hill care carefully calculated, and braced forlor into sheer
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: force of will. Ever so slowly she made her way
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: up the slope, the pain numbing her body, her breast
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: coming in a high pitched breathy gasp. A little after
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: halfway up, her arm muscles gave out, and she slid
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: down several feet, losing a lot of ground. Tilda pressed
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: herself against the earth, afraid of slipping again, on the
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: verge of hyperventilating. For a long time, she listened to
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: the sounds of the woods around her, the chirping of birds,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: rustling of leaves, her own raspy breathing, Willing some strength
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: to return to her arms. Her eyes closed as she
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: summoned the trigs of her energy and pushed herself forward,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: locking her gaze on the road at the top of
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: the hill, on her goal, and she strove for it,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: not thinking of anything else. With the placement of her
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: feet the grip of her hands, Tilda almost sobbed with
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: relief when she pulled herself up over the sprawling out
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: onto the road. Out of the corner of her eye,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: she saw the unmoving, crimson splotched body of Scout, and
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: she shuddered. Though she refused to look, she could not
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: ignore it, a carcass fighting for her full attention. For
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: a long time, she lay there, her whole body trembling
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: with effort and heaving with whistling breaths. Her mind went blank,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: her only focus on sucking in each agonizing breath after another.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Her hand reached out blindly along the cool asphalt, searching
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: automatically for Madison, before remembering with a terrible rush that
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: he had been taken from her. Adrenaline shot through her
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: and jilted her upward, but the pain almost instantly caused
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: her to curl in on herself, wrapping her arm around
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: her middle, as if abruptly finally realizing something that had
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: been there obvious all along. Everything was hopeless. Madison was gone,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: and she had no way to find him apart from
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: a general direction. She'd been stupid to ever think she
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: could protect him. It had only been a matter of
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: time before he was taken. For who knows what purpose
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: would his captors put together that Madison was the child
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: whose return came along with a hefty reward that the
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: resistance was actively seeking and broadcasting about, and if they didn't,
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: perhaps the last chance humanity had of recovering from the
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: edge of extinction at creating a viable vaccine could be
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: badly used or possibly even killed. It crashed over her,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: almost overwhelmed her tild it brought her hand up to
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: her mouth and bit into it to hold back the
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: tide of grief, the never ending, bone deep cries that
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: threatened to rip up her throat and never stop until
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: she was nothing more than a corpse, the victim of
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: lack of will to go on. But because there was
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: nothing else to do other than wasted away on the
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: side of the road, Tilda stood shakily, wobbly, fighting for
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: her balance and for her thin grasped on consciousness. After
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: a time, many factors more than what it usually took,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Tilda was upright, body warped like a tree alone in
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: the desert for one hundred years. With terrible caution, she straightened,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: one arm still braced around her midsection down the road.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Hazel eyes searched, her stringy hair whipping in front of
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: her face. The asshalt stretching in front of her gave
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: no clues as to Madison's location or what lay ahead
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: on it desolate. What would she do when she got there,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: if she ever did, She did not want to think
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: about it, because if she did, she feared she would
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: not continue the truth. If she dared face it was,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: she had no real chance of rescuing her child, unless
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: she somehow found a stash of weapons or some other
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: kind of equipment between now and wherever he was. If
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: she ever found it, Tilda did not linger on the thought,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: knowing she did not have it in her to withstand
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: an onslaught of unrelenting realism, no matter how much wiser
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: it would be to deal with it now instead of
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: before she started what was sure to be a perilous journey.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Maybe I'll die before then. The thought surfaced again hazily
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: as she took her first painful, lurching step, followed by
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: another and another. As she stumbled forward, breathing harshly through
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: clinched teeth, appearing like a zombie, one of those walking
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: dead she'd seen on the covers of books and magazines
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: over the years. A raspy laugh bubble passed her lips,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: rapidly turning into a cough. Tilda felt hyper aware of
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: how loud she was being, her scraping steps, harsh, panting breasts,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: walking exposed down the middle of a slab road she
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: knew was used by violent people. Her wandering mind replayed
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: the events leading up to Madison's capture, first with fuzzy detail,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: and then with brutal clarity. She couldn't help but wonder
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: with morbid curiosity why they hadn't killed her or made
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: an effort to capture her as well. Maybe they'd assumed
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: the fall had killed her. Maybe they considered her not
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: worth the effort. Maybe they were conserving bullets. The landscape
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: of her thoughts was wild and out of control, random
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: memories surging to the forefront and quickly fading away again
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: and being replaced by something else. Little was on her
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: mind other than the singular focus of pushing onward out
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: of habit. Her eyes swept from left to right, hoping
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: she'd be able to recognize something she could use. But
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: on the one side was, of course, the hill she'd
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: only so recently tumbled down and climbed back up, the
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: hill that almost killed her. She hurled at it wordlessly
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: and bitterly. The other side of the road was sparsely
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: populated with drab buildings and overgrown grass. Nothing that looked
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: from for a hidden weapons or food cash. She swallowed dryly,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: the need for water barreling to the forefront of her
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: body's many complaints. Though her neck protested painfully, she swiveled
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: it to judge how far she'd come, and very nearly
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: groaned aloud at the embarrassing lack of ground she'd covered.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: In the distance, she could still clearly make out the
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: dark shape of Scout's body, which she wrenched her gaze
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: away from again in revulsion. Slowly and awkwardly, she maneuvered
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: her pack from her shoulders and undipped it, retrieving a
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: cold bottle of water, and, after a frustrating expenditure of
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: energy opening it, did her best not to guzzle it
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: all down. The liquid burned down her throat and settled
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: uneasily in her stomach, but it did help her sluggishly
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: assuming thoughts chaotic and sickening in their own right. Feeling
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: as though she'd run a long race and would like
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: nothing more than to collapse, she slid the pack gingerly
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: back into place on her shoulders and stiffly started forward
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: once more. The people she was tracking how to tank,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: she thought, with sudden fury. How the hell was she
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: going to catch up with that? She wished with fierce
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: concentration for something to help her. A random memory of
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Tilda's mother answering with simple assuredness Tilda's question of how
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: stories seemed to work out despite all odds, almost magically
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: so that they had to. The author wanted them to,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: the readers wanted them to the God machine, a phrase
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: that stuck with Tilda as something menacing, perpetually watching lying
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: in wig toster things up if they got boring or
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: people got complacent, for its own entertainment, but at the
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: same time as its purpose. That's what made them stories,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Leonarova told her daughter. But this wasn't a story, Tilda
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: reminded herself despairingly as her dragging foot tripped over a
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: ret in the road and sent a flare of panes
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: spiking up her ankle. If the God Machine existed, she
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: figured it was broken down now and no longer properly working,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: instead only churning out more and more misery and nothing
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: to fix it. Pointless, pointless, waste all of it. In
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: a daze, she contemplated turning around and searching out the
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: group she split ways with on their way to DC,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: asking for help from them or the Resistance. But still,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: her exhausted legs carried her towards Madison, thinking of him,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: scared and alone, cringing as he was yelled at, wringing
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: his hands as the sun sank lower in the sky.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: She approached the outskirts of a town at the seat
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: of a range of blue mountains called Shawsville, she'd have
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: to stop. Even though now she'd hit a stride, if
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: it could be called that of shuffling robotic steps, she
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: felt she could keep going forever that stopping and hoping
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: she could find the whole to start again was more misguided. Nonetheless,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: a wound in her side had started to bleed warm
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: blood trickling over the fingers she was using an attempt
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: to stem the flow, and if she even gave a
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: passing thought to the pain in her ankle, she nearly
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: passed out. Tilda had become accustomed to the flavor of
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: agony associated with keeping it in constant motion, keeping it
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: still it conshindoed into something much less manageable, But she
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: knew she must be doing more damage to it, and
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: thus hurting herself more in the long run, as well
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: as undercutting her ability ultimately to be of any use
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: when it came to rescuing Madison. So as on savory
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: as it was, she needed to find some shelter for
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: the night to deal with her wounds, all while the
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: people who had taken Madison got further and further away.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Shawsville was a small town, as with much of this
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: straight and flat highway they'd been traveling on. Tilda could
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: see much of what lay ahead, and thought she could
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: see all the way to the other side of the
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: town as she passed the sign population one thousand, three
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: hundred and one. Most of the town seemed to be
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: concentrated into square to the right of the highway, so
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: Tilda turned that way her hazy vision, skimming signs for
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: the Red Cross that indicated medical supplies. She came to
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: a four way stop. A precursory look at all the
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: options had her turning left further into town, with its
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: buildings with shingle roofs all faded, whites and browns and blacks,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: Strings of lights criss crossing across the street, big red bows,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: now brittle with weather and age, tied around iron lamp post.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: A banner slumped with missing letters hung across the middle
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: of the square reading Welcome to Shawsville. It was all
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: very quaint and sad, and the emptiness left behind by
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: a town that Tilda was sure had either died off
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: or migrated to somewhere else. With more supplies. She hoped
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: that that didn't mean there were no supplies left. Her
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: stomach somersaulted with the anticipation of relief when her eyes
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: landed on a small pharmacy, over praying that it was
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: by some miracle unlocked or the windows already broken out.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: As she got closer, she saw the glass door was open,
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: which was both a good and bad thing. It certainly
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: did not bode well that the supplies hadn't been raided.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: The worn down soles or her shoes slipped on the
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: crushed glass like sand in the doorway as she stepped
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: carefully into the darkness of the pharmacy, ears perked for
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: any sounds of life. As her eyes adjusted, she hovered
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: in the doorway, the pain in her body climbing as
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: she stood statuesque and waited for her vision to clear. Eventually,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: the darkness distilled into shelves, many lopsided, hanging only by
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: a few screws on one side. Some collapsed entirely, but
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: though they had obviously been picked through, they weren't cleared,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: and the pharmacy was larger on the inside than she'd
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: first expected. Being careful not to slip over her glass
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: or old coupon papers that had practically melded into the
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: floor with time. Because another would probably do her in.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: At this point, she walked down the first aisle, snatching
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: up a bottle of pain killers she spotted way in
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: the back of the shelf, some caffeine strips, the few
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: remaining granola bars, and crushed packs of candy. Her arms
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: whole supply, she was forced to slide off her pack
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: and dump them in the front pocket, abandoning all pretenses
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: of organization in her current state. The next aisle produced
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: much less, mostly cheap electronics that no longer had any purpose,
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: and souvenirs she had difficulty fathoming were popular even before
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: HSV five had decimated the population, a small selection of
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: toys that made her stomach clench and worry. Over one
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: aisle was a mix of cold and sinus medicine, which
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: was almost completely cleared out, and a plethora of stomach
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: ailment remedies. Tilda swept whatever was left indiscriminately into her pack.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: After that was a row of feminine hygiene products and condoms,
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: which seemed laughable to her now she had not a
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: period in years, and as for condoms, it was almost sad.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: How wonderful a concept to ever live in a society
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: that would need those seemed to her. The only reason
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: she knew what they were was out of a curiosity
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: of reading the back of the package many years ago,
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: when she had first started out her life on the
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: road and on the run with Madison. At first, she
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: thought she'd misread the instructions the designated use, or that
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: there must be a mistake at misprint, But several inspected
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: boxes and packets later she confirmed that there was no error.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: What a relic these were now a true representation of
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: how life was different after HSV five, the line before
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and after which separated two distinct sets of worries, til
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: to skip this row and too much pain to spend
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: time down an aisle dedicated to useless but fascinating throwbacks
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: to an extinct way of life. At the pharmacist counter,
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: she found a few things that might be of use.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: While almost all the prescription medications were gone, she did
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: find muscle relaxans. Down the second to last aisle, she
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: located a handful of bandages and brace wraps, some antiseptic
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: and rubbing alcohol, some creams that promised muscle relief, as
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: she suspected, the long defunct cooler along the back had
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: been emptied out save for some spoiled milk based products
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: and energy shots. The last row she quickly deemed is useless,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: one side dedicated to makeup and hair, the other degreeting cards,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: another reminder of a time long gone. Every part of
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: her now clamoring loudly for her attention. She located the
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: bathroom in the back corner, which thankfully had a small
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: window to allow in the rapidly waning light. Tilda folded
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: down the baby changing station. What an unimaginable concept that was, too,
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: and spilled out her spoils, grimacing at the pain in
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: her side. There was a stool in the back corner.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: She wasn't sure what it had been used for, but
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: she was glad it was there. Tilda dragged across the
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: floor and situated it in front of her mind makeshift
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: work area. She did a double taking gasp, catching sight
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: of someone in the room with her, but it was
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: only her reflection in the grimy, rusted mirror. Slowly the
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: tension left her muscles, and she exhaled deeply several times,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: staring at her ghastly appearance. Her face was one massive,
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: bloody bruise, her nose and the left side of it
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: swollen to about twice their usual size. Blood turned black
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: with age and exposure to air, covered much of her skin.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: One of her eyes was ringed with dark purple, the
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: white of it stained with red. Her jacket was stiff
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: with dried blood, as well a splotch of dark on
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: her right side. Streaks of it painted her hair and
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: her fingers. Tilda's throat tightened as she looked away, inexplicably. Ashamed,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: she rummaged through her pack and dug out some antiseptic wipes,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: perching uncomfortably on the stool to give her feet an
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: ankle some relief, which unfortunately translated to a nodiating swell
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: of pain. Swallowing back bile, she extricated herself from her jacket,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: shivering at the cool air, and began the laborious process
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: of wiping the blood off her arms her face, going
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: through several wipes before she even got to her midsection.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: She tried to figure out a way to proceed with
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: her shirt on, but could not, so she wriggled out
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: of it, gasping with the lancing pain in her shoulders.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: And ribs as she did so. The fabric was disgustingly
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: crusty and hard as she laid it out on the
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: changing table on top of her jacket. Next, she slid
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: off her boots and her blood filled socks, almost swalling
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: out of her chair at the sudden agony this caused
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: from her right ankle. No longer being braced, it was
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: comically terribly swollen. Groaning, she stood, keeping her weight off
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: her right ankle as much as possible by balancing with
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: only its toes as she shed her torn and dirty jeans,
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: knowing she'd have to inspect her throbbing knee and place
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: them on top of the jacket and shirt. Taking several
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: steadying breaths, Tilder wiped the blood from her feet and
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: her middle, more than a little disheartened when she could
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: scrub at a particular stubborn patch, only to discover it
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: was just a bruise. It suddenly occurred to her that
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: now would be a good time for some painkillers before
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: she started going about man handling and trying to set
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: sprains and potentially broken bones. A shaky hand deposited three
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: pills into the palm of her other one, and she
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: popped them into her mouth, swaking them down with a
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: large gulp of water. Doing her best not to dwell
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: too much on what she was about to do, she
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: probed her ankle with gentle fingers, experimentally rotating it with
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: not much success, but several curse words. Biting her lip,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: she flexed it, Determining it was sprained and not broken.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: She grabbed from her pile of supplies a brace wrap,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: struggling for several minutes with the packaging. Once she finally
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: opened it, she set about wrapping her ankle, wondering how
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: she possibly could fit this back in her shoe. It
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: took a few times of rewrapping for her to achieve
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: the proper level of tightness so that it stuck but
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: was not cutting off her circulation. From there, Tilda worked upward,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: examining bruised calves and a green and purple swollen mass
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: that surrounded her knee. Unsure of the best way to
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: handle a bust of knee, she cleaned the ugly sice
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: along the outside of it with antiseptic and yet another
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: string of curse words and breath hissed through her teeth,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: then tested the muscle cream on it, which at first
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: was uncomfortably cold, but then suddenly warmed and became soothing.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: This she rapped loosely with bandages. Next, she tackled the
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: explosion of purple and blue and red that was her
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: left side. Touching it gingerly had her whipping back her
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: hand in pain and bending over, robbed of all conscious
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: thought as the pain demanded all of her attention. Not good. Tentatively,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: she straightened again, wheezing tears, squeezing out the corners to
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: her eyes. The light was fading. She had to deal
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: with this now. With her fingers. She examined her ribs
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: for any brakes, but did not discover any. That didn't
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: mean she was free of fractures, but there was no
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: way of testing that that she knew of, not without
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: some equipment. That she was missing. A deep cut just
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: above her hip bone was the source of the blood.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Carefully she cleaned it, crying out as the antiseptic burned
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: like acid. Her tight throat made the already annoyingly difficult
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: task of breathing even harder. Tilda patted the wound, which
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: had begun bleeding again a small eruption of bread, but
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: it quickly stopped, and she had fixed a bandage over it.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Sitting as straight as she could, she awkwardly set about
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: unspooling a length of bandage around her mid section, the
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: whole thing in exercise and discipline. The diminishing of the
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: light infused everything with urgency, which made her slow progress
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: all the more tortuous, her fingers clumsier, sloppier. She ran
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: out of the white gauze before she would have liked.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: A second layer of wrap would have been preferable, but
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: she she didn't have much left, and she still had
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: a wrist to rap, so one layer would have to do.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Tilda gave an experimental twist of her wrist, wincing, touching
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: it with gentle fingers, and concluded that it too was
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: more likely sprained than broken. Overall, she'd been lucky, she
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: thought grimly, a stark recollection of her reflection swimming to
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: the surface of her thoughts. The wrist was more quickly
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: wrapped and with just enough bandage for a secure fit.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Tilda wrinkled her nose at the dirt and blood jammed
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: underneath her nails, reluctantly turning her attention to the mirror
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: and the dregs of the remaining light. She inspected, her face,
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: now free from all of the blood, but not much
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: improved in appearance. Her nose was visibly broken. With cautious fingers,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: she tested the swollen fixture, wondering if she could set
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: it herself, pop it back into place, or if the
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: pain was even worth it. With all the swelling, it
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: was just impossible to tell how much her appearance was
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: truly impacted. But if it was just a superficial thing,
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: bit she care, what did she care for? One more
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: corcos added to a face that already did not meet
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: the standards of conventional beauty. Still, she pressed against it,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: trying to write it, gasping in pain as she did so.
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: Blood gushed out suddenly, and she halted, reaching for the
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: paper towel dispenser above the changing station and pressing the
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: material to her nostrils, pinching the bridge of her nose.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: Just another memento given to me by another, she thought,
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: no big deal, But she could fill her eyes glossing
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: over at the injustice of it, even as she told
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: herself it would do no good to think about it.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: By the time the bleeding stopped, the bathroom with sheathed
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: and darkness for a very tragic moment. She debated if
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: she should trash her clothes or put them back on,
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: but in the end she found herself sliding back into them,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: wincing at both the hardened fabric and the tunging it
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: caused when it came into contact with her bandaged wounds.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: The socks she changed, tossing the old ones, soaked through
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: and stiff with blood, into the trash. They did not
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: change shape as they sailed to the air and hit
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: the side of the bin. Tilda fished into the bottom
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: of her pack and produced another pair of socks, unrolling
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: them and inching them on her feet. Her right shoe
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: would have to stay off for now, she decided. She
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: also pulled out her flashlight and replaced the item she'd
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: collected into her bag in a less haphazard manner, pausing
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: at the bottle of muscle relaxant, but deciding it'd be
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: better to save that for whenever she found a place
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: to sleep for the night somewhere nearby. She didn't have
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: time or the energy to search too far. As she
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: exited the bathroom, afraid the beam of her flashlight would
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: catch the gleam of someone's eyes, she turned down the
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: aisle she so quickly rejected earlier of hair and makeup,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: inventorying the products for anything that might help her get
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: blood out of her hair, picking up something called dry
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: shampoo near the end of the row, promising no water needed.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: She also grabbed a brush, sliding both into a side
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: pocket of her pack, and stepped back out into the
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: to the square, made eerie by the new darkness. Illuminated
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: by a cone of white light emanating from her flashlight
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: sticking to the sidewalk, she read the signs as best
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: she could as she headed deeper into the town center,
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: hoping to find a hotel or bed and breakfast. She
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: did her best to keep her right socked foot and
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: minimum contact with the cold asphalt. Tilda took her right,
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: limping her way down the main thoroughfare, her breath fogging
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: in front of her. The feeling that something was missing,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: like a phantom limb, was unshakable. Without Madison by her side,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: she turned down a residential street dotted with small houses
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: painted with what must have once been flamboyant colors, now overgrown,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: long sporting dilapidated signs and decorations. Ornate mail boxes posted
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: at the end of every driveway. Tilda picked one a
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: little further in on her right, making her way up
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: a stone path and to the door, ridiculously raising her
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: fist and knock on it before sheepishly lowering her hand
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: and testing the knob, powerful relief surging through her like
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: a drug. When it swung open with a loud, whining sound.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: She stepped into the foyer, listening, shutting the door behind her,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: shining her light around her surroundings. It was just as
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: small as it appeared from the outside, one story, three rooms,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: not much warmer than it was outside, till the thought
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: as another cloud of breath escaped past her lips. The
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: previous owners had taken down their photos, presumably to take
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: them to wherever they evacuated to, but other than that,
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: the place looked largely intact. Further into the house, Tilda
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: ventured slowly, sweeping her light around for any threats or conversely,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: anything she could use, before she would allow herself to
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: lie down on the blue poofy couch she spied in
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: the living room. She had to ensure the house was
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: danger free, and also she wanted to check for any
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: supplies in case she had to leave in a hurry.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: Opening doors along the main hallway. She first found the backroom,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: searching the cabinets under the sink and the medicine cabinet,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: but finding nothing of use. The next room was the
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: master bedroom, The closet cleaned out, apart from some articles
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: of clothing deemed unworthy of saving some ugly sweaters that
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Tilda debated but quickly decided against, dresses what looked to
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: be business clothes. The room across the hall was a
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: child's room, outfitted with twin beds and blue and green
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: colored scheme. Tilda's heart clenched again, and she left and
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: shut the door behind her, not having the stomach to
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: search it. In the kitchen, she also found nothing of use,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: so she stumbled back to the couch and collapsed onto it,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: exhaustion permeating her aching bones. She saw the flashlight on
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: the table and dug out the muscle relaxanse, retrieving too,
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: and swallowed them whole, with a couple of gulps of water,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: replacing everything. Once she was done, her stomach was too
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: unsettled to even entertain the idea of food, so she
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: switched off her light and curled up on her side
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: to ease the pain of her ribs and ankle, pulled
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: the company draped along the cotch's back down and snuggled
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: beneath it. Sleepiness and the need for her body to heal.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: Overcoming the pulsing aches that threatened to keep her anchored
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: to consciousness. Tilda was asleep almost immediately, too tired to
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: be afraid. So that brings us the end of this chapter.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: This was very much an introspective chapter of like, what's
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: going to happen, what's going to happen next, and her
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: trying to grapple with what's going to happen next, especially
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: when what do you do? You don't know where they went,
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: so her trying to deal with all of that and
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: being very very like at the lowest point of the
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: low And when I was reading back over this, it
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: did kind of I mean, this is a really grim chapter.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: It did kind of make me laugh though, because and
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: I apologize to Christina because I kept being like, oh, yeah,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I remember that, but like it was it's a very like, oh,
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: it's that time I broke my ankle, and then had
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: to I was in the woods and I had to
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: keep going, oh it's that time I broke my nose.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Oh it's that time I fell down a hill and
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: couldn't get back up, like it's a very I remember
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: all of those instances. And then the town she like
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: goes into that is that's my small town, Like the
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: Christmas decorationss on the square. I mean, it's not unique
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: to my small town, but that is very much what
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: I was going for in my head. So it's strange.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: That's one of the things that I've found interesting about
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: revisiting these is how clearly I remember, like where I
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: was mentally when I wrote it, but also these very
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: specific in this case, times of feeling like hopelessness or
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm going to do I don't
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: know what I'm going to do next. That it's very powerful,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: powerful feeling. But this, this one, this this part of
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: the trilogy is the shortest part. So without giving too
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: much away, things will Things are gonna happen pretty quick.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: So if you're like, oh God, I hope you don't
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: stay in this moment forever, it doesn't. It doesn't stay
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: like this. So I hope you enjoyed it. I hope
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: you come back and check it out. I'm excited to
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: get to the to the end and hear hear what
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: you all think. Here are any theories if you have them,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: but yeah, in the meantime, huge shout out to Christina
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: as always who does these. These are extra work. She
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: makes them sound of me. And yeah, if you would
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: like to contact us, you can. You can email us
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: at stuff Media, mom Stuff at heeartmedia dot com. You
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok a stuff One Never told You.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: We also on YouTube. We have tea public store, and
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: we have a book you can get wherever you get
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: your books. And yeah, thanks as always too our super
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: producer Christina, our executive producer Maya, and our contribuer Joey.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you and thanks to you for listening Stuff I've
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: Never Told You prodiction of Iyhart Radio. For more podcasts
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: from my Heart Radio, you can check out the heart
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: favorite shows.