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Emotional Regulation Is Strength (S5) S8:E5 · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well, hey guys, good afternoon.
0:26
I'm coming to you live from Montclair State
0:30
University.
0:30
I'm actually right side of the Student Recreation
0:33
Center.
0:34
Just finished lunch, just here at Sam's Place.
0:38
Today is Ash Wednesday.
0:39
For those of you who don't know, and
0:41
those of you that observe Ash Wednesday, time
0:44
to get ashes.
0:44
But also, I'd reflect, and also the most
0:47
important thing is to not eat meat.
0:49
To make sure you abstain from that today.
0:51
So that's why I'm way out here.
0:53
Normally, I eat at another place, which is
0:54
a little closer on campus to my class.
0:56
But because they didn't have fish, I went
0:59
all the way out to Sam's Place.
1:01
All right, guys.
1:01
So welcome, everyone.
1:03
So you know, I'm actually leaving tomorrow, but
1:06
you know, I still keep doing the show.
1:07
So I wanted to get this show in,
1:09
because I have to be up very early
1:10
tomorrow morning, like 2, 3 a.m. in
1:11
the morning, to catch a flight to Florida.
1:14
All right, guys.
1:15
Again, welcome.
1:16
This is your very first time with me.
1:17
I want to say welcome and thank you
1:18
for joining me.
1:19
If you're coming back, I definitely want to
1:20
say welcome back and thank you so much
1:22
for being here.
1:23
We are on campus, so sometimes we might
1:25
get some stagnant noise.
1:27
We might get people talking.
1:28
We might get people walking behind me.
1:30
But again, we're not on a closed set.
1:32
So just understand that.
1:33
I'm here at Montclair University.
1:35
I'm here at the Student Recreation Center right
1:37
here in Montclair, New Jersey.
1:40
Guys, if you're hungry, feel free to go
1:41
grab yourself something.
1:43
I don't know whether that's a tuna today,
1:45
grilled cheese, or a slice of pizza, or
1:47
what I had was a fish Provencal, which
1:51
was really good, with like a tomato, so
1:53
that's really, really good.
1:54
If you're thirsty, feel free to go grab
1:56
something for yourself as well, healthy or not,
1:59
that's up to you, but probably abstain from
2:00
meat if you guys do follow Lent.
2:04
And then after Lent, 40 days, we have
2:06
Easter.
2:07
All right, guys, don't forget to check out
2:09
BelieveMeAchieved.com right after the show is over.
2:11
You can do that 24 hours a day.
2:12
Without any further ado, guys, I'm not going
2:14
to spare you.
2:15
I'm going to get right into the show.
2:16
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is Inspirations for
2:18
Your Life.
2:19
This is series five.
2:20
We're on the air now, our fourth year.
2:22
This is starting our fifth year, series eight,
2:25
episode number five.
2:27
And yeah, welcome back to Inspirations for Your
2:30
Life.
2:30
I am John C.
2:31
Morley, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
2:36
podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student, and
2:38
a passionate lifelong learner.
2:40
And yes, guys, I'm going to be an
2:42
author very soon.
2:44
Like mid-May or June.
2:46
So I'm actually going to be starting writing
2:48
chapter seven.
2:49
The book has somewhere around 12 or 15
2:51
chapters.
2:51
I haven't really ironed all that out yet,
2:52
but I've been doing a lot of work
2:54
on it every day.
2:55
So really excited about the book coming out.
2:57
It's a motivational book.
2:57
No, I'm not going to share with you
2:59
what the book is, but it is about
3:01
two things that changed my life.
3:03
So definitely going to share that with you
3:04
guys.
3:04
So today's episode is titled Emotional Regulation is
3:08
Strength.
3:08
So in this episode, I'm going to explore
3:11
how mastering your emotions turns calmness into power.
3:15
It builds confidence and drives unstoppable momentum.
3:18
By regulating your reactions, you gain clarity, focus,
3:20
and control over outcomes in life and of
3:23
course in work.
3:24
And I'll share some examples of this.
3:27
Number one is calm always outperforms reaction, right?
3:31
Staying steady produces better results than impulsive results.
3:35
We've learned that before.
3:36
When we act with true, you know, intent
3:41
and we're calm, we can be calm.
3:45
We can have more clarity, right?
3:46
And we're not going to get all, you
3:49
know, rustled over things that might be minor.
3:51
Like people always say, you know, don't sweat
3:52
the small stuff because everything is all small
3:54
stuff, right?
3:55
All right.
3:56
Number two, emotional control builds authority.
4:00
Yes, it does, guys.
4:02
Composure inspires trust and respect from others.
4:04
So I was getting a call today, yesterday,
4:09
from some bogus number, okay?
4:12
And you know, when I looked at my
4:13
phone here, if I have the number here,
4:15
I don't know if I have it, I'm
4:15
not going to give you the phone number,
4:16
but when I look at the phone and
4:19
I was actually going, you can see here,
4:20
I'm looking at my phone and I was
4:22
getting a phone call from, oh boy, I
4:26
was getting a phone number from some weird
4:27
place in New Jersey.
4:29
And I'm saying, you know, this is, oh,
4:31
Newfoundland, New Jersey, okay?
4:32
And the thing is, Newfoundland had nothing to
4:35
do with the person that was calling me.
4:37
So they were calling me multiple times.
4:38
Like they called today, they called yesterday, they
4:41
called the day before.
4:43
And you know, then they were texting me
4:45
the text I got, all right?
4:47
But you know, the thing is, this was
4:48
annoying.
4:49
So then what happened was, well, I called
4:52
who I thought it was because I went
4:55
back to one of the texts, I called
4:56
them and, you know, immediately I recognized the
4:58
automated recording.
4:59
I said, oh, I know who these people
5:00
are.
5:01
Apparently, there was some kind of an update
5:03
on my credit card that had to be
5:04
updated with this place and no problem.
5:06
But again, rather than having a human being
5:09
call me, they had a dilapidated, I don't
5:13
wanna use the word AI, but unfortunately, dilapidated
5:16
AI system that was not properly tuned or
5:19
keyed in and actually just frustrated me even
5:22
more.
5:23
So what I did, guys, is I wrote
5:27
a letter, which I'm gonna send them a
5:28
little bit.
5:28
And you know, I got a very nasty
5:31
response from them.
5:34
And you know, I was not happy with
5:37
the response.
5:39
And so I am sending this to them.
5:41
And it just says, to clarify, I do
5:43
not have an issue with being contacted when
5:45
necessary.
5:46
If the matter is urgent or time sensitive,
5:48
a staff member may call me during normal
5:50
business hours at this phone number and this
5:52
extension.
5:53
A direct call from a person is not
5:54
a problem.
5:55
I do not want a call from a
5:56
machine.
5:57
The issue has been that the automated calling
5:59
system makes repeated outbound calls, texts without any
6:02
human follow up.
6:04
And after I specifically request a return call,
6:07
I don't get one.
6:08
In addition, the calls did not clearly identify
6:13
your business on the caller ID, and it
6:14
appeared to originate from a rotating bank of
6:16
phone numbers, including locations not associated with your
6:19
facility.
6:19
This made it difficult to recognize the calls
6:22
as being legitimate and unnecessarily disruptive.
6:25
To avoid further issues, I prefer routine communication
6:28
be handled by text or email, with phone
6:31
calls only being made by live human beings,
6:34
not an automated bot or some calling system.
6:37
I have also scheduled additional time to repair
6:39
for transition.
6:40
We're going to be, this is like a
6:41
storage place.
6:42
And I have to tell you, so that
6:44
was kind of how I closed it.
6:45
I didn't get emotional with it.
6:46
You have to stay in control, even when
6:48
other people get emotional, even when their stuff
6:50
doesn't work.
6:51
You have to.
6:52
Unfortunately, you can't call people on the carpet.
6:53
And I knew that this is a temporary
6:55
thing.
6:56
So I know that getting excited over it,
6:58
first of all, it's not going to do
6:59
anything for me.
7:00
And in my new pattern of the way
7:02
I've been doing things the last, well, 7,
7:04
8, 9, 10 years, is that I don't
7:06
get upset over these things.
7:07
I address them.
7:09
I get control back.
7:10
Number three, guys, regulation creates confidence.
7:16
Mastering your emotions empowers decisive action.
7:20
I have a phrase I use.
7:21
It's called, money comes to me easily by
7:26
the actions that I take.
7:28
And I think when we can truly sit
7:30
and be clear and calm, right, a lot
7:34
of people don't want to hear that their
7:36
stuff is not good, right?
7:37
They don't want to hear that.
7:38
But how do you say that in a
7:39
nice way?
7:40
So I was very polite in this letter.
7:42
This is the problem with AI, is that
7:44
you throw it at the wall, okay?
7:46
And they rudely basically text me back, didn't
7:49
even call me.
7:50
They just texted me back.
7:51
That's how they are.
7:52
And they said to me, oh, you know,
7:54
we're never going to provide you help again.
7:56
We didn't own.
7:58
And I wasn't rude on the phone at
8:00
all.
8:00
I was just talking to them about, you
8:02
know, what had happened.
8:03
Again, keep in mind, we are at a
8:04
live campus, so we will get people walking
8:06
behind me, around me, inside of me.
8:08
We're not in a closed studio.
8:10
So again, just understand that if we get
8:12
people talking, walking around me or by inside
8:14
me, that's really not too much I can
8:16
do about that.
8:16
So pausing improves.
8:18
Number four, outcomes.
8:20
A brief pause prevents mistakes and regret.
8:22
I tried to put myself off to the
8:24
right here of the Sports Center, which most
8:25
people should be in class, so they probably
8:27
shouldn't be over here anyway.
8:28
But so that's why I try to get
8:29
out of the way.
8:30
I'm not really on the beaten path.
8:32
So pause prevents mistakes and regrets.
8:35
And it also gets us to think.
8:37
We have to realize that before we open
8:39
our lips, right, because lips sink ships.
8:42
And if we think before we open our
8:44
mouth, before we act, we can avoid regret,
8:47
all right?
8:47
Number five, emotional discipline builds resilience, okay?
8:55
Consistent control strengthens endurance.
8:58
And that's important.
8:59
It's not you doing something one time.
9:01
It's not you doing it tomorrow.
9:03
It's not you doing it just today.
9:04
It's you doing this on a regular pattern.
9:07
I'm very happy I did not have to
9:08
wear gloves today.
9:09
It is a lot warmer here.
9:10
I think outside, I usually don't talk about
9:12
the weather, but it has been very, very
9:14
cold.
9:15
Happy the snow is starting to melt, so
9:17
really happy about that.
9:19
I always joke with some people, it's like
9:20
summer, so I'm going to put a bathing
9:21
suit on.
9:22
Well, not really, guys, but you get my
9:24
point, right?
9:25
Number six, calm responses create trust, steady behavior.
9:31
And that steady behavior from the trust earns
9:34
something called reliability.
9:36
And so reliability happens when we can actually
9:39
understand that somebody is not a risk.
9:42
Somebody is not a threat.
9:44
Somebody is not going to be a problem.
9:46
In fact, a lot of times, schools, whether
9:48
it be Montgomery State University, whether it be
9:50
Fordham, Drew, Yale, Rutgers, wherever, they look at
9:54
when a student has an issue.
9:56
They look to see, is the issue something
9:58
that's going to be threat-based?
10:00
Is it something that has a high risk
10:01
to the university or to the staff or
10:03
to anybody there?
10:04
If it does, they take immediate action.
10:06
If it doesn't, then they just kind of
10:08
let the system kick it around until something
10:10
else happens.
10:12
All right, guys, number seven, regulation reduces conflict.
10:17
Measured reactions prevent unnecessary tension.
10:22
So I think that's a very interesting one
10:24
to think about when we say that it's
10:26
about tension.
10:29
Because so when people have reactions, when people
10:31
get nasty, you know, they fight off something
10:34
because they have a big ego.
10:36
And people's big egos are the death of
10:39
them, just to be honest with you.
10:41
And these egos can cause all kinds of
10:43
problems.
10:44
They can cause them to disassociate with themselves,
10:46
to disassociate with financial positive things, to disassociate
10:50
with friends, with relationships, and even their own
10:53
health things that can help them be a
10:54
better and wonderful person.
10:57
All right, guys, number eight, number eight, moving
10:59
along here.
11:01
Emotional stability creates clarity.
11:04
Composure enhances decision making.
11:07
Emotional stability creates clarity.
11:10
Composure enhances decision making.
11:12
That's important, guys, very important.
11:15
So we think about emotional stability for just
11:18
a moment.
11:19
It creates clarity.
11:20
We said before that when we know what
11:23
we want to be, when we know the
11:25
emotions we want to have, okay, we get
11:29
clarity.
11:29
Sometimes the emotions we get don't align with
11:32
what we're expecting.
11:33
And then what do we have to do?
11:34
We have to change.
11:37
Einstein said something a very long time ago,
11:39
that if you do the same thing over
11:41
and over again and you expect different results,
11:43
you know what that is?
11:43
That's insanity.
11:45
Yeah, that is insanity.
11:46
It is a beautiful day out here, by
11:48
the way.
11:48
It is not too cold here.
11:50
And the sports center is usually a pretty
11:53
quiet place.
11:53
If I pivot my camera over here, you
11:54
can kind of see the beautiful sports center
11:57
here, okay?
11:58
And so, but not to get into that.
12:02
Anyway, number nine.
12:06
Number nine is calmness improves judgment and focusing
12:10
clarity beats impulsive choices.
12:13
Now, I know you might do something impulsive.
12:14
Maybe you're in the store and say, oh
12:15
gee, I want a candy bar, or I
12:17
want one of those stupid things that are
12:18
at the register, right?
12:19
You don't actually need those things at the
12:21
register, but the marketing people are very coy.
12:24
They put it there because they know it's
12:26
going to create an impulse.
12:28
And I'm going to say a good eight
12:29
out of 10 people are probably going to
12:31
respond, right?
12:32
Because, oh my mommy, I want a gun.
12:34
Oh my mom, I want a toy.
12:35
Oh my mom, I want this.
12:36
Oh dad, yeah, yeah, I want this.
12:37
I want other, and they give it to
12:38
them, let them be quiet.
12:39
But as people get older, then they start
12:42
to realize that they can check that, they
12:45
can keep that in temper.
12:47
But when they're younger, they kind of just
12:49
give them what they want.
12:50
Is that a good thing?
12:51
Not really.
12:52
Because then that gets ingrown with them, and
12:54
then you have to break that habit later
12:56
on.
12:56
Number 10, guys, regulation prevents regret.
13:01
So if you can regulate your own behaviors,
13:03
you can't regulate others, but if you can
13:05
regulate your own behaviors, you'll prevent regret on
13:08
yourself time and time again.
13:10
Mindful responses will reduce second guessing.
13:13
Second guessing happens because we're so much in
13:16
a rush to make a decision.
13:18
Let me give an example.
13:20
Maybe you're trying to work on something for
13:21
a party, and you decide to do a
13:23
last minute because you're just busy.
13:26
And that's not good.
13:27
And then, I don't know, maybe you order
13:29
too much food or not enough food, or
13:30
you order the wrong kind of food, or
13:33
you pick a venue that's not conducive.
13:36
So there are lots of things you could
13:38
be doing wrong because you're doing things on,
13:41
let's say, impulsive desires, as opposed to what
13:45
the realistic desires will be.
13:47
And you'll be doing things that you want,
13:49
but not things you actually need.
13:50
Does that make sense?
13:51
I hope it does, guys.
13:52
So regulation is a key, guys.
13:54
I don't care if we're talking about health.
13:55
I don't care if we're talking about finances.
13:57
I don't care if we're talking about academics.
13:59
Regulation is key for us to excel in
14:02
any of those areas.
14:03
So part two today I want to talk
14:04
about is presence and leadership.
14:06
So I want to tell you right now
14:07
that leaders are not born.
14:09
Yep, surprise, surprise.
14:10
They're not born.
14:11
They are made.
14:12
That's right.
14:14
One example, being an Eagle Scout, and there's
14:15
other things like Brownies and Girl Scouts, so
14:18
you don't get born and you become an
14:21
Eagle Scout, or born and you become a
14:22
girl, right?
14:23
You become this brownie or this gold.
14:25
I think they call it a gold.
14:26
And Brownies, they call it a gold, I
14:27
think, a brownie gold.
14:29
So emotional mastery builds presence.
14:33
Confident composure draws attention and influence.
14:36
Now, I've talked to you guys about this
14:37
before.
14:37
It's not about being loud.
14:39
It's about being quiet and carrying a big
14:41
stick.
14:42
That's an important thing because you influence when
14:46
you're quiet and you know what you're doing.
14:49
People will pay attention to that, all right?
14:53
Number 12, guys, a calm feeling will create
14:56
influence day in and day out.
14:58
And steadiness amplifies your voice and the impact.
15:01
So if you're doing something and your voice
15:03
is all over the map, first thing you
15:05
need to do is take a deep breath.
15:08
Inhale for, what did I always say?
15:10
You can inhale for three.
15:12
You can hold it for four.
15:15
Exhale for six.
15:17
You could do an inhale for two, hold
15:21
it for three, exhale for four.
15:22
Just keep that pattern going and you'll see
15:24
that you will become a lot more calm.
15:27
Number 13, guys, regulation strengthens leadership.
15:33
Self-control precedes leading others effectively so that
15:37
when we're in check, when we can control
15:39
ourselves, when we can keep ourselves in congruence,
15:43
guess what?
15:44
The people we lead, the people that follow
15:47
us will stay in congruence because of how
15:49
we keep ourselves in check.
15:52
A lot of times when people are interviewing
15:53
for either a job or maybe they're interviewing
15:56
for a show or a play or something
15:59
that's gonna be a big deal, Broadway, a
16:02
lot of times what they will do, or
16:03
even a client, they wanna see how you
16:05
keep your personal life because a lot of
16:07
times they can tell by your personal life
16:09
how you're gonna manage your corporate life.
16:11
Now, that's not always the case, but if
16:13
you're organizing your personal life, you're usually organized
16:15
in your business life.
16:18
Now, I do know one case where there
16:20
was this attorney that I met many years
16:21
ago and he was extremely unorganized in his
16:24
personal life.
16:25
I mean, he would just throw things on
16:26
the floor.
16:27
He would just be like, he didn't care,
16:29
all right?
16:29
When he got to the courtroom, it was
16:31
like he was a different person.
16:34
Now, that's a laziness issue.
16:37
And I can say the same thing about
16:38
people going to the gym, right?
16:39
Some people will be committed to going to
16:41
the gym every day, like we do workouts
16:42
every day or every morning.
16:44
Some people just say, well, gee, what am
16:46
I getting out of it?
16:47
When you start doing it and saying, you
16:49
know what, I'm enjoying it, it's fun, that's
16:51
when you start to notice the difference.
16:53
If you're saying, hey, I'm working out, what
16:54
am I getting?
16:55
Well, then don't do it.
16:56
Don't do it to say, what am I
16:57
gonna lose?
16:58
You wanna do it until you like working
17:00
out, till you enjoy working out, until it
17:01
becomes a part of you and like, hey,
17:03
wait a minute, look how much weight I
17:04
lost, right?
17:05
That's how it works.
17:06
Number 14, guys, emotional balance builds endurance.
17:10
Steady emotions sustain high performance.
17:13
Let me say that again, emotional balance, okay?
17:17
That's you staying on the balance beam basically
17:21
at where you wanna be, happy, all right?
17:25
Steady emotions will sustain high performance.
17:28
So if you stay happy, if you stay
17:30
positive, guess what you're gonna keep attracting in
17:32
your life?
17:33
More positivity.
17:35
What we focus on is what we become.
17:38
Very important, guys.
17:40
Number 15, when we have a sense of
17:44
calmness, it reduces our mistakes.
17:46
Our clarity, guys, I don't know if you
17:48
know this, prevents unnecessary errors.
17:50
So you might've heard this, and I share
17:52
this from what my grandfather told me many
17:54
years ago.
17:55
He died when I was in second or
17:55
third grade.
17:57
He had cancer of the larynx, so he
17:59
smoked about four or six packs a day.
18:02
One of the reasons that I don't smoke.
18:04
But what I wanna tell you is that
18:06
the way he did this, the way he
18:08
motivated me, the way he helped me to
18:11
understand the control, the way he helped me
18:14
understand errors, and he said, John, you need
18:16
to measure twice and cut once.
18:19
So what was he saying?
18:20
He was saying, look, if you're gonna cut
18:23
something, because he was a carpenter, and if
18:25
you're gonna just cut something you're not gonna
18:27
measure properly, well, you could make a mistake.
18:29
And there's one thing we can't do.
18:31
If you ever gone to a store and
18:32
you cut rope or you cut wire, there's
18:34
one thing you can't do.
18:35
You can't make the wire bigger again, right?
18:37
You can only make the wire smaller.
18:40
So this is why it's important to understand
18:43
what you're doing whenever you cut something away.
18:46
Number 16, guys.
18:47
Number 16 is about regulation builds inner safety.
18:50
Self-control provides mental and emotional stability.
18:54
So if you can build an inner safetiness,
18:58
you will find that you will get self
19:00
-control, and then you'll also get mental and
19:02
emotional stability, kind of like a pillar on
19:05
the table or on the chair.
19:08
If you don't have three good pillars, right,
19:11
what's gonna happen?
19:11
The chair's gonna fall over.
19:12
You need four pillars for the chair to
19:14
really stay if you have somebody that has
19:15
a lot of weight.
19:16
So what I wanna tell you is that
19:17
regulation will build inner safety, self-control, and
19:21
you'll get the mental and emotional stability as
19:23
you move on.
19:24
Don't be in a rush to get on
19:25
a chair that only has one leg, because
19:26
you're gonna go on the floor.
19:27
Number 17, emotional awareness increases control and noticing
19:32
feelings before reacting enhances power.
19:34
In my book that's coming out in May,
19:36
you will see what I'm talking about, how
19:39
this can relate to some awareness.
19:41
I don't wanna give away the book now,
19:42
but the book is coming out in late
19:45
May, early June.
19:46
And again, it's about two things that happened
19:48
in my life that have changed my life.
19:50
Number 17, emotional awareness increases control.
19:53
Noticing feelings before you're reacting, enhancing the power.
19:57
A lot of life is showing up.
19:59
The other part of the 80% of
20:01
showing up is noticing what's happening in life.
20:04
If you can just be aware of everything
20:06
around you and just stop, you'll notice that
20:09
you have more control than you thought you
20:11
did because you're actually plugging into where you
20:14
are.
20:14
You're plugging into the community.
20:16
You're plugging into your environment.
20:18
So many people I know, they have a
20:19
big ego and they don't wanna necessarily plug
20:21
in because I'm better than the world.
20:23
I'm better than everybody else.
20:24
That's not a good idea.
20:25
Number 18, guys, a calmness will create credibility,
20:30
reliability, and composure.
20:32
And all those things, guys, will help you
20:34
earn true respect.
20:36
It's not about putting a show on for
20:38
somebody.
20:39
It's not about you doing something to impress
20:42
somebody.
20:43
It's about you living your life.
20:45
And when you live your life and what
20:47
you do in secret that no one sees
20:49
actually winds up showing up in your public
20:53
life, which is what people revere you for
20:55
every day.
20:56
Number 19, regulation prevents burnout.
21:00
Managing emotions preserves energy for what matters.
21:04
There's regulation in school.
21:05
There's regulation in government, right?
21:07
There's regulations in healthcare.
21:10
There's regulations in everything.
21:12
There's regulations in building.
21:13
We call it code enforcement, right?
21:15
So regulation prevents the burnout and it helps
21:18
us man the emotions and it preserves the
21:20
energy because we do what's right, what's gonna
21:22
be safe, and what's gonna create a desired
21:25
outcome.
21:26
Because you know what?
21:27
The people that have created these regulations hopefully
21:29
have many, many years experience.
21:31
Somebody that doesn't have, let's say, restaurant experience
21:33
would not create regulations for health safety for
21:37
a large resort that does lots of banquets.
21:42
Number 20, emotional discipline builds confidence.
21:46
Mastery of self strengthens belief in action.
21:49
Now, you're not gonna become a master overnight.
21:51
I'm just gonna tell you that right now.
21:53
It takes years and the biggest thing I
21:56
can tell you is that your desire is
21:58
one thing, the showing up is one thing,
21:59
but your choice to be aware of everything,
22:03
right?
22:04
Like right now, I can be aware of
22:06
trucks around.
22:07
I can be aware of cars that are
22:08
pulling around, I can hear.
22:09
I can be aware of people stepping, walking
22:12
in.
22:12
I can be aware of the doors opening
22:13
and closing.
22:14
I can be aware of how the little
22:15
bit of the coldness feels against my backside,
22:18
even though I'm sitting on my coat, I
22:20
kind of have the coat off my backside,
22:22
so I can feel a little bit of
22:23
that chill, not ice cold.
22:25
I also can be aware right now of
22:27
how my feet feel.
22:28
They don't feel numb.
22:29
They don't feel 75 degrees, 65 degrees.
22:31
They feel a little cool.
22:33
So if I had to give it a
22:33
temperature, I'd probably say my feet probably feel
22:36
in the 60s, which isn't terrible, okay?
22:38
All right, so number three in the section
22:41
that we're talking is focus and alignment and
22:43
freedom.
22:43
I think everybody wants to have freedom, but
22:45
they don't have freedom because they get pushed
22:48
because of something in the environment.
22:50
Now, when you are calm, it creates a
22:52
space.
22:53
You can pause before you react and allows
22:57
better decision-making.
22:58
So people don't want to pause because they're
23:00
so impulsive.
23:02
They don't want to go back and reread
23:04
their manuscript.
23:05
They don't want to go back and restudy
23:07
again.
23:07
Why?
23:07
Because they're lazy.
23:09
They're tired.
23:10
But you don't get to the top of
23:13
a mountain by just climbing it once.
23:16
One of my guests on the show, if
23:17
you guys remember about a year or two
23:19
ago, Jen Drummond, she actually had many times
23:23
when she had to step down and not
23:25
climb the mountain because she had a very
23:27
interesting saying that I want to share, and
23:29
it comes from her, not me.
23:30
It's called people before peaks.
23:33
And what does that mean?
23:34
It means our priorities are in our people
23:38
first before we look at how high we're
23:41
gonna go with the mountain.
23:43
That's the first time I ever heard that,
23:44
and I thought that was beautiful, and I
23:45
really enjoyed interviewing her.
23:47
I think it was about two years ago
23:49
I interviewed her this past January.
23:51
So not this past January this year, not
23:53
last, but the one before.
23:55
Number 23, guys, emotional balance builds strength.
23:59
Controlled feelings fortify resilience.
24:02
More awareness, I just heard a horn, right?
24:04
Number 24, calmness reduces stress.
24:09
Composure maintains clarity under whatever pressure you have.
24:12
When you are calm, one thing I tell
24:15
people, I've trained people to do with holding
24:17
your fingers and we go through a technique,
24:19
and you can just sit here with your
24:20
fingers held, or your three fingers, which I've
24:22
learned from Jose Silva, that you can literally
24:24
get into a calm state regardless of if
24:27
the roof was on fire around you.
24:29
Now, I know that sounds hard, but the
24:32
more we practice becoming aware, the easier it
24:35
is.
24:36
You can be aware of people walking.
24:38
You can be aware of the breeze outside.
24:41
You can be aware of the voice, the
24:43
pitch, the tone, okay?
24:46
You can also be aware right now of
24:49
maybe things in your home or your office.
24:53
Is your fridge on?
24:54
Is there a fan on?
24:55
Is the AC on?
24:56
Is the heat on?
24:58
Is somebody else talking in another room?
25:01
Are you getting an alert from your phone?
25:04
Are you getting that?
25:06
Are you aware of maybe something else around
25:10
you?
25:10
It could be something like, you know, like
25:14
an InstaHot coming on and boiling water.
25:16
Maybe you hear that, or maybe an ice
25:18
maker, you know, starting to make the arm
25:20
go up.
25:21
And it's funny, when I started doing this
25:22
awareness a while back, I was like, I
25:23
never realized all these things.
25:25
They were here.
25:26
I just wasn't aware of them.
25:28
Now, the key is don't let them distract
25:29
you.
25:30
Allow them to get you to either tune
25:32
them out or to choose what else you
25:34
wanna be aware of, okay?
25:35
That is the real key.
25:37
So regulation supports alignment actions, and they match
25:41
your core values when they're controlled.
25:43
When we're not controlled, we're all over the
25:46
map, and nothing we do matches our true
25:49
core values, which is why we're here, what
25:51
we're doing, why we're living, and how we're
25:53
living our life, okay?
25:55
Number 26, emotional clarity improves decisions.
26:00
Understanding feelings guides smarter choices.
26:05
Understanding, but understanding comes from levels of awareness.
26:10
Let's jump into number 27, all right?
26:12
Calmness steadies momentum.
26:14
Consistent emotional regulation sustains progress.
26:19
Consistent, right?
26:22
Consistent, that's the key.
26:23
Number 28, regulation builds trust.
26:28
Composure and reliability earn confidence from others.
26:33
Number 29, emotional mastery builds freedom.
26:38
So when we have learned how to master
26:42
our emotions, guess what we get?
26:44
We get freedom.
26:46
We get control.
26:47
Now, there might be a little structure, but
26:48
we're gonna find that we have more freedom
26:50
to do whatever we want, and you could
26:53
expand your choices.
26:54
See, I think sometimes people think that when
26:56
you set a little bit of a boundary
26:59
that you're gonna get rid of freedom, but
27:00
actually what you're gonna do is you're gonna
27:02
allow something to be a little structured, and
27:04
then you'll have so much more freedom to
27:05
do so many other things that you didn't
27:07
think were possible.
27:08
I was talking to a friend today.
27:09
He's like, John, he's like, I don't know
27:10
how you get this all done.
27:11
I said, I just put it on my
27:14
to-do list, and I get it done,
27:15
and I take that very seriously, but I'm
27:18
not stressed doing it.
27:19
Number 30, calmness is a competitive advantage.
27:23
Saneness gives an edge over reactive peers.
27:25
Remember I said be proactive, not reactive?
27:27
When there's a fire, don't plan for the
27:30
fire when the building's on fire.
27:32
You wanna make sure you plan for the
27:33
fire before the fire is, and our last
27:36
point in closing today in this beautiful day
27:38
out here, as we reflect on emotional regulation,
27:42
it's the secret to turning your inner calmness
27:45
into real-world success.
27:47
Every pause you take, everything that you have
27:51
can be measured in response, and every moment
27:53
of focus compounds in true clarity, and confidence
27:56
and influence, they go together, and by mastering
27:58
your emotions, guys, you create momentum, reduce stress,
28:03
and gain control over your outcomes.
28:05
Remember, freedom, leadership, and impact all begin with
28:07
emotional mastery.
28:08
The calmer and more deliberate you are, the
28:10
more powerful your life becomes.
28:12
Check out BelieveMeAchieved.com, ladies and gentlemen.
28:14
I'll catch you real soon.
28:16
You can get all my content 24 hours
28:17
a day.
28:18
Be well, everyone, and start being aware of
28:21
your emotional surroundings.