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How to Have a Merry Christmas (Backed by Actual Research) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:06
Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast. It's beginning to feel
0:08
Speaker 1: a lot like Christmas and today a doctor's desk episode.
0:11
Speaker 1: Researchers have looked at what makes Christmas merry and bright
0:14
Speaker 1: and what makes it a little less so smiling faces
0:19
Speaker 1: are big on that list. Missus, Happy Families.
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Speaker 2: Well, I'm just thinking about a question that somebody posed
0:25
Speaker 2: the other day. Yep, they asked me which of my
0:27
Speaker 2: children was the hardest?
0:29
Speaker 1: What's it good to raise Christmas? You're just taking me
0:32
Speaker 1: on a tangent. Which of our children? I feel like
0:34
Speaker 1: you're setting me up here. Which of our children I
0:36
Speaker 1: can just look for to look on your face. It's
0:38
Speaker 1: like this, this is not part of the podcast. You're
0:40
Speaker 1: just throwing this at me in the intro, which of
0:43
Speaker 1: our children? We have six daughters aged eleven to twenty six,
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Speaker 1: which of our children has been hardest to raise? Oh?
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Speaker 2: I actually told them it was my mother in law's.
0:51
Speaker 2: He's pretty you.
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Speaker 1: How to have a merry Christmas, according the research. He's
0:58
Speaker 1: next on The Happy Family's pod cast. Stay with us,
1:03
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us. This is the Happy
1:05
Speaker 1: Families podcast, Real parenting Solutions, every single day. We are
1:09
Speaker 1: Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We love that you choose
1:11
Speaker 1: to listen to us and today on the pod, as
1:14
Speaker 1: we do every Thursday. I'm not letting it go just
1:16
Speaker 1: because it's December. Kylie. We are talking Christmas. We're talking
1:20
Speaker 1: research and what data tells us about having the happiest Christmas.
1:25
Speaker 2: Well, I'm really curious.
1:26
Speaker 1: Are you really, because you know you're not.
1:29
Speaker 2: I'm just saying it for your sake, right, Okay, can
1:32
Speaker 2: you tell me in that research, does it tell us
1:35
Speaker 2: what predicts more Christmas happiness?
1:39
Speaker 1: Okay?
1:39
Speaker 2: So yes, I just brought a cushion the other day
1:42
Speaker 2: that says very merry, very merry. Yeah, yes, I would
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Speaker 2: like more Mary in my house Christmas.
1:49
Speaker 1: I just I love you at Christmas time. Tim Kasser
1:52
Speaker 1: and Ken Sheldon to researchers that I've admired literally for
1:56
Speaker 1: decades in two thousand and two, So I'm going back
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Speaker 1: at twenty five twenty something, the years I can't do
2:01
Speaker 1: live matth twenty three years publish a journal an article
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Speaker 1: in the Journal of Happiness Studies that was looking at
2:07
Speaker 1: what makes Christmas merry and bright for some people unless
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Speaker 1: so for others. So your question was directly answered by
2:14
Speaker 1: this study and let me go through the list and
2:16
Speaker 1: interrupt me at any time. Please not as well. This
2:19
Speaker 1: was a North American study, but I think that there's
2:21
Speaker 1: probably going to be some crossover in Australia. Number One,
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Speaker 1: family and religious experiences were particularly predictive of Christmas happiness. Now,
2:31
Speaker 1: Australia is a really secular country, so I'm not sure
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Speaker 1: how strong the religious element would be, but we have
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Speaker 1: faith it's not.
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Speaker 2: So much about religion or do you think that it's
2:41
Speaker 2: actually about having purpose and meaning to your Christmas?
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean if you're Hindu or if you're Muslim,
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Speaker 1: then you're probably not going to find Christmas to be
2:49
Speaker 1: a time of great joy, satisfaction, meaning and merryness. Right,
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Speaker 1: So this is very much about purpose. This is about
2:55
Speaker 1: tying in with values, which means that you don't have
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Speaker 1: to be religious to find that the message of redemption
3:02
Speaker 1: and forgiveness and joy and good will towards men and
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Speaker 1: women because it's twenty twenty five.
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Speaker 2: Which just generosity and kindness.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's right. So those principles that underpin what
3:12
Speaker 1: Christmas is about and frankly what Christianity is about. If
3:16
Speaker 1: we have a focus on that at Christmas, then it
3:18
Speaker 1: will give us the same level of purpose. It's really
3:20
Speaker 1: interesting going off topic just a bit, but I read
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Speaker 1: a research paper just recently about religion, and what it
3:25
Speaker 1: highlights is that religion. This will probably upset people who
3:29
Speaker 1: are secular who are very happy, but religion does tend
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Speaker 1: to have a positive association with well being relative to
3:35
Speaker 1: not being religious at all. But it doesn't matter what
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Speaker 1: religion you are. Religion just has a general positive impact
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Speaker 1: on well being. Of course, weret know religious people who
3:42
Speaker 1: are miserable, and we know plenty of atheists still are
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Speaker 1: very very happy. So we're not talking about causation, we're
3:46
Speaker 1: talking about correlation. But back to the research paper for here,
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Speaker 1: the more we can focus on positive family relationships, and
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Speaker 1: the more we can focus on the meaning and purpose
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Speaker 1: of Christmas, particularly if we have a faith foundation, the
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Speaker 1: more likely it is that we'll have Christmas happiness. Worth
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Speaker 1: also highlighting here, if your family is fractured, if there
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Speaker 1: are relationships that are not going so well, and we've
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Speaker 1: certainly had our fair share of that over the years
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Speaker 1: as well, it really does put a damper on your Christmas.
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Speaker 1: It does make it that little bit less joyful. Merry
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Speaker 1: and satisfying because you look around the table and you
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Speaker 1: think there's somebody not here, or there's somebody who's here
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Speaker 1: under dures which they weren't here kind of thing. And
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Speaker 1: so relationships, they're at the heart of our well being
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Speaker 1: and they're also at the heart of a merry Christmas.
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Speaker 2: Were there any other things that would add to a
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Speaker 2: more merry Christmas?
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Speaker 1: I have a list of a few more things that
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Speaker 1: came up in the research. They found that engaging in
4:41
Speaker 1: this blows me away, by the way, but engaging in
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Speaker 1: environmentally conscious consumption practices was apparently associated with greater happiness.
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Speaker 1: I don't know if this is politically motivated or not.
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Speaker 2: Wow, but so does that mean.
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Speaker 1: No plastic straws and you'll be happy?
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Speaker 2: I was kind of say, brown paper a kid forrap?
5:01
Speaker 2: Did you know you can't actually recycle printed paper?
5:05
Speaker 1: I didn't know that yet. It's got to go, and
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Speaker 1: it's got to go on the trash heap. A funny
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Speaker 1: story about plastic straws. Incidentally, a few years ago, when
5:11
Speaker 1: the federal government here in Australia said, oh was it
5:13
Speaker 1: a state? I don't know whoever it was, the government
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Speaker 1: said no more plastic straws.
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Speaker 2: Are you going to tell you a story about your mum? My?
5:17
Speaker 1: Mum went out and she I think she.
5:20
Speaker 2: Brought up every last plus she went for all.
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Speaker 1: I went to the wholesaler and she bought a box
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Speaker 1: of like ten thousand plastic straws.
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Speaker 2: So every Christmas we get together and the kids get
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Speaker 2: to have milkshakes with a plastic straw.
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Speaker 1: And you know what's so funny. I mean, Mum was
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Speaker 1: incensed by this legislative thing. But the funnier thing is
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Speaker 1: that now when we do drink out of a plastic straw,
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Speaker 1: we kind of go, h don't like this, Like it
5:42
Speaker 1: feels kind of weird in your mouth, and I'm just
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Speaker 1: not loving it anyway. Apparently in the research that was
5:47
Speaker 1: associated with it, take that for what it's worth. There
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Speaker 1: are a couple of other things.
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Speaker 2: So it does mean no paper plates.
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Speaker 1: I mean, if you use paper plates, is that environmentally
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Speaker 1: conscious or is that bad for the involvement.
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Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. I know, no plastic or paper
6:01
Speaker 2: plays because that's just adding to the film.
6:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know. But then if you're using cropery it.
6:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, and environmentally friendly detergent, then that's going to be
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Speaker 2: a way better environment.
6:14
Speaker 1: This was meant to be such a simple doctor's desk.
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Speaker 1: I'm so confused now.
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Speaker 2: I don't think it's going to make me any happy.
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Speaker 1: I mean they didn't they didn't explicitly.
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Speaker 2: Say that's going to hurt my brain.
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Speaker 1: I don't think it's going to make me any.
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Speaker 2: Happier anything else on your list.
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Speaker 1: Sorry, come on, let's just move on. This is a
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Speaker 1: quirk of me before I talk about what else was
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Speaker 1: on the list for what makes apparently for a more
6:33
Speaker 1: merry Christmas. Sometimes I wonder why we need research for
6:36
Speaker 1: this stuff. I'm not sure that this is helping.
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Speaker 2: Doctor's desk seems so crazy.
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Speaker 1: If this is helping or not, I would rather I
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Speaker 1: hate itning off plastic. I hate itating off paper. For me,
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Speaker 1: if I want to have a merry Christmas, I'm eating
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Speaker 1: on a proper plate with real cutlery. None of this
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Speaker 1: plastics ticks me off.
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Speaker 2: Everybody else has a paper play And you get everyone sitting.
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Speaker 1: On the couch and you've got this paper plate on
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Speaker 1: your knees and it's folding as you push the night the.
7:01
Speaker 2: Place, and you go to stab your steak and your
7:03
Speaker 2: poor breaks food goes on the floor. Or you got
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Speaker 2: to stab it and it's a wooden fork and it
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Speaker 2: won't stab.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think can we just don't know if
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Speaker 1: it's environmentally friendly to use the stuff that you use
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Speaker 1: every day or not pull out a nice Christmas Royal
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Speaker 1: Dalton thing if your grabma handed that down to you.
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Speaker 1: I just reckon use real plates, and who cares what
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Speaker 1: the research says. I'm just I'm throwing this doctor's descuess.
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Speaker 1: There's a couple of other things that came up here.
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Speaker 1: Spending quality time with family and friends We've talked about
7:28
Speaker 1: because relationships that are hard of our well being, consuming
7:32
Speaker 1: less and appreciating nature more, and that makes sense. We
7:35
Speaker 1: love going for a beach walk on Christmas Day. That's
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Speaker 1: really nice being older. Being older was also predictive of
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Speaker 1: more Christmas happiness.
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Speaker 2: So I think that that's really true. And as I've
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Speaker 2: looked at the way our Christmas celebrations have matured over
7:50
Speaker 2: the years, I find more joy out of being together
7:55
Speaker 2: with my family at Christmas now because I feel like
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Speaker 2: I've let go of all the tinsel and glitter that
8:00
Speaker 2: was not important. You know, all these years I've been
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Speaker 2: kind of doing things because that's either what I felt
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Speaker 2: was expected or needful to have a merry Christmas. But
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Speaker 2: as the kids have grown older, they've actually been very
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Speaker 2: articulate about the things that matter and the things that don't.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it didn't come up in the research,
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Speaker 1: and it's what I would say is the merry's Christmas
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Speaker 1: just comes from seeing joy and a lot on the kids' faces,
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Speaker 1: and that was in the research. Hey, after the break,
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Speaker 1: let's talk about what predicts less Christmas well being and
8:29
Speaker 1: also a few demographic realities here that I've found fascinating
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Speaker 1: in terms of who has the merrier Christmas. We're back.
8:43
Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast. Thanks so much for
8:45
Speaker 1: being with us the research around Christmas. So far, this
8:50
Speaker 1: Tim casse Ken Sheldon research paper has just given us
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Speaker 1: a lot to laugh about. Kylie, what's your next question
8:56
Speaker 1: about this doctor's desk?
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Speaker 2: So what predicts less happiness? Of all of those things
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Speaker 2: were creating more merry? All right?
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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even know if I agree with this.
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Speaker 1: I mean I kind of do, but I also kind
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Speaker 1: of don't. There's only two things. Number One, what predicted
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Speaker 1: less Christmas well being was when spending money and receiving
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Speaker 1: gifts predominated and number two, when Christmas was focused on
9:18
Speaker 1: spending money and receiving gifts, which is just another way
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Speaker 1: of saying the first thing. So basically, a materialistic focus
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Speaker 1: seems to lead to a less merry Christmas.
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Speaker 2: I would entirely agree with that.
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Speaker 1: See I don't. I don't. It's really really fun when
9:32
Speaker 1: I go out on Christmas Eve, even though we've got
9:34
Speaker 1: no money and I'm not supposed to do it, and
9:35
Speaker 1: I max out the credit card and buy a whole
9:36
Speaker 1: lot of stuff with the kids, and then I watch
9:38
Speaker 1: them open on Christmas Day and they get excited about it.
9:40
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, my goodness, materialism is way better
9:43
Speaker 1: than I always thought it was.
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Speaker 2: And then tomorrow then.
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Speaker 1: I'm regretful and miserable. But that's not Christmas anymore. That's
9:47
Speaker 1: not Boxing Day. So that's Boxing Day's problem. That's tomorrow
9:52
Speaker 1: Me's problem.
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Speaker 2: It takes the glitter and joy of Christmas. And I
9:57
Speaker 2: think too often, you know, when our children grow up
10:01
Speaker 2: with this more and more and more mentality. I remember
10:03
Speaker 2: in the early days, your mum is a gift giver.
10:06
Speaker 2: She loves giving gifts, but not only just because she
10:10
Speaker 2: loves giving gifts, even the smallest item has to be
10:13
Speaker 2: wrapped separately, so the kids would get a pile of
10:18
Speaker 2: presents instead of you know, a couple.
10:19
Speaker 1: Of kid kid you not like, there would be between
10:22
Speaker 1: ten and fifteen gifts for each child.
10:24
Speaker 2: Now we have six children, so imagine me sitting on
10:27
Speaker 2: the couch number one, trying to actually just follow what
10:31
Speaker 2: each child received so I knew who got what. I
10:36
Speaker 2: felt awful. I felt like this, you know, kind of
10:38
Speaker 2: I don't know, hovering helicopter, but I desperately wanted to
10:43
Speaker 2: know who got what from who so that I could
10:46
Speaker 2: give thanks for who gave what to who. And my
10:49
Speaker 2: sister in law, we both sat on the couch one
10:52
Speaker 2: day and the pile next to us, because we both
10:55
Speaker 2: have six children, was taller than us seated on the couch.
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Speaker 1: I mean, the kids were going nuts. They were loving it,
11:00
Speaker 1: but you know, but bar go ahead.
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Speaker 2: As I watched, there was just this like literally incessant
11:07
Speaker 2: need to open.
11:08
Speaker 1: The next That's what I was going to see. They
11:09
Speaker 1: went nuts, but there was no joy in it. It
11:11
Speaker 1: was just what else have you got me? What else
11:12
Speaker 1: have you got me? And they'd open one thing and
11:14
Speaker 1: literally toss the paper in one direction, tossed the new
11:16
Speaker 1: toy or book or gift or whatever it was in
11:18
Speaker 1: the other direction and grab the next one and do
11:20
Speaker 1: that as well.
11:21
Speaker 2: So we went the complete opposite. It now means that
11:24
Speaker 2: Christmas gift giving takes forever because we insisted that each
11:28
Speaker 2: person open up a present and everybody watch it so
11:32
Speaker 2: that it could take joy in it. And they still
11:35
Speaker 2: love doing it. And now we've got lots of children,
11:37
Speaker 2: and it's a lot, but it really gave us an
11:41
Speaker 2: opportunity to just kind of break things up and enjoy
11:45
Speaker 2: the materialism of you going shopping on Christmas Eve.
11:48
Speaker 1: So let's wrap this up. Basically, what the.
11:50
Speaker 2: Data show is, it's so funny, I like unwrapping.
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Speaker 1: Basically, the research show is that a materialistic focus under
11:58
Speaker 1: mine's well being, which is, there's this thing in the
12:02
Speaker 1: theory of psychology that I really work hard to share
12:05
Speaker 1: with people. There's this thing called goal contents theory. What's
12:08
Speaker 1: your goal if you've got intrinsic goals or if you've
12:10
Speaker 1: got extrinsic goals. Right, So what we're talking about here
12:13
Speaker 1: with the materialistic focus is a classic extrinsic goal orientation.
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Speaker 1: Family and spiritually related materials support intrinsic needs and that
12:23
Speaker 1: tends to lead to better outcomes. There was a quote
12:26
Speaker 1: in the paper that said this wrapping presence generally yields
12:30
Speaker 1: fewer inherent rewards than spending time playing games or conversing
12:35
Speaker 1: with family. So that's really the take home message here.
12:38
Speaker 1: There were a couple of demographic things that I just
12:40
Speaker 1: thought i'd share quickly before we wrap it up. There's
12:42
Speaker 1: my little punt again. Being rich, being clever, so IQ
12:47
Speaker 1: and being in a relationship didn't really seem to have
12:50
Speaker 1: much of an impact on how good Christmas was. Also,
12:53
Speaker 1: males were a lot happier and less stressed than females
12:56
Speaker 1: during the Christmas period.
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Speaker 2: I wonder why who sets up the Christmas tree? Who
13:01
Speaker 2: cooks the Christmas lunch? Who wraps all the presents? Who
13:05
Speaker 2: buys all the presents?
13:06
Speaker 1: Just saying, I mean in our home, we both know
13:10
Speaker 1: the answer to those questions.
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Speaker 2: It's so interesting to me you talk about it doesn't
13:15
Speaker 2: matter how smart you are, it doesn't matter how rich
13:17
Speaker 2: you are. I remember back to some of our earliest
13:20
Speaker 2: Christmas and we had very little to put on the
13:23
Speaker 2: table and very little to put under the tree. And
13:26
Speaker 2: one year we decided that we would do a homemade
13:29
Speaker 2: Christmas and buying anything got all of the kids involved.
13:32
Speaker 2: It made my Christmas a lot harder because I had
13:35
Speaker 2: to supervise and help each of the kids. That's one
13:38
Speaker 2: of my favorite Christmas.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, because there's no entitlement there, right, because everyone suddenly
13:42
Speaker 1: understands how much work goes into it, how much effort's required,
13:45
Speaker 1: because they've got to do the work. And then there'
13:46
Speaker 1: suddenly like, oh, these gifts are meaningful because I worked
13:49
Speaker 1: to create this for you, and you don't looking and go,
13:52
Speaker 1: what's that junk you made the paper mashe because you've
13:54
Speaker 1: also gone to that level of work and effort to give,
13:57
Speaker 1: so you recognize and understand that there's one more thing
14:00
Speaker 1: that's worth throwing in here from a different research paper
14:04
Speaker 1: in terms of what to get people if you know
14:06
Speaker 1: them well, the research shows get them something that you
14:08
Speaker 1: know that they'll like because you know them well and
14:09
Speaker 1: you know what they're gonna want. If you don't know
14:11
Speaker 1: them well, you're not the best thing to get them
14:12
Speaker 1: is they.
14:13
Speaker 2: Say it's a gift voucher, but do you know what
14:15
Speaker 2: it's so lame?
14:16
Speaker 1: Well, it's a gift boucher.
14:17
Speaker 2: As a giver, it's so lame. It feels just impersonal.
14:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it is because you don't know them well
14:23
Speaker 1: so that.
14:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'd rather give them cash, and I'd rather
14:26
Speaker 2: find a creative way to give them cash than stick
14:29
Speaker 2: a credit card in a envelope. Yeah.
14:32
Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's not actually about the credit card
14:34
Speaker 1: or the gift voucher. It's about the monetary value and saying, hey,
14:37
Speaker 1: why don't you go out and splurge on something that
14:39
Speaker 1: you know you would like tomorrow on the boxing day sales.
14:41
Speaker 1: That's what it's really like.
14:42
Speaker 2: One year, my sister she gave one of the girls
14:44
Speaker 2: twenty dollars I think, but it was one dollar coins
14:47
Speaker 2: and she'd blown up twenty balloons and stuck the coin
14:50
Speaker 2: in the balloon and they had to pop all the balloons.
14:52
Speaker 2: Like just silly things like that. It just it makes
14:55
Speaker 2: it feel more meaningful.
14:56
Speaker 1: Anyway. That's the paper. I will link to it in
14:58
Speaker 1: the show notes. I don't think anyone's going read it
15:00
Speaker 1: after the conversation we've just about it, and I don't know,
15:03
Speaker 1: maybe it came from the University of Doing because you
15:05
Speaker 1: knew most of it. Anyway, but I think it's an
15:06
Speaker 1: interesting conversation. It's nice to see this and research about it.
15:09
Speaker 1: How to have a meaning for Christmas according to research.
15:12
Speaker 1: A Doctor's Desk episode on the Happy Families podcast, which
15:14
Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media at Mimhammonds,
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Speaker 1: provides research, admin and other support and if you would
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Speaker 1: like more information about making your family happier, visit us
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Speaker 1: at happy families dot com dot a