Latest / Unlocking The Paradigm Portal / Light In The Dark: I See You

Transcript

Light In The Dark: I See You · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:00
  Hey, it's Sarah. I am so glad that you're back
• 0:04
  tonight. And I'm not sure what you're
• 0:06
  feeling or what you're carrying, but think of my voice as a light
• 0:10
  in the dark, shining just a few steps ahead.
• 0:13
  So maybe you feel a little bit less alone.
• 0:16
  And I want you to know something very important tonight.
• 0:19
  I see you. I see the places you don't let
• 0:23
  yourself go very often, and I'm sitting here with you tonight
• 0:27
  because I know those places very well.
• 0:32
  So there's a fear that lives underneath all the other fears.
• 0:37
  And you might feel that fear try to rise up as I'm speaking.
• 0:41
  And that's OK, because I got you.
• 0:45
  And it doesn't usually show up in daylight.
• 0:47
  It waits and it lurks. It's like the boogeyman in the
• 0:51
  dark, and it comes in the quiet moments in the middle of the
• 0:54
  night, or after a conversation that didn't go the way that
• 0:58
  you'd hoped, or when maybe someone looked at you a certain
• 1:01
  way and something in you went cold.
• 1:04
  And that fear might sound like this.
• 1:07
  What if I'm too much? What if I'm not enough?
• 1:15
  What if I'm the difficult 1:00? What if I'm the one who ruins
• 1:21
  things? What if the people who left me
• 1:26
  were right to leave? And you don't say it out loud
• 1:31
  because saying it out loud makes it feel more real.
• 1:34
  Because some part of you is terrified that if you hand that
• 1:38
  fear to someone else, they're going to look at it and say,
• 1:41
  yeah, that tracks. And they're going to validate
• 1:43
  that fear. So then you hold it alone in the
• 1:48
  dark, turning it over and over and over.
• 1:52
  And here's what I want you to know about that fear.
• 1:55
  The fact that you carry it, and the fact that it keeps you up
• 2:00
  and that it makes you examine yourself and that you care this
• 2:04
  much about who you are and what you're doing to the people
• 2:08
  around you, That is not evidence that that fear is true.
• 2:14
  It's evidence of something else entirely.
• 2:18
  Because when you're actually what you're afraid of being, you
• 2:22
  don't lie awake wondering if you are.
• 2:24
  You've already decided you're not.
• 2:28
  And the wondering and the feeling of not being sure, the
• 2:32
  sitting in the discomfort of your own question.
• 2:35
  That is what accountability looks like before it has a name.
• 2:41
  That is what caring looks like when it turns inward and doesn't
• 2:44
  know where to land. You are not the monster in the
• 2:49
  story you're writing at 2:00 AM. You might be flawed.
• 2:53
  You might have hurt people. You might have said mean or
• 2:57
  cruel things. You might have things to own and
• 3:01
  to work through and to grow from.
• 3:04
  And if so, congratulations, you're human.
• 3:08
  But the fear that you are fundamentally, irreparably
• 3:12
  wrong? That fear is not a diagnosis.
• 3:16
  It's a wound, and it's a wound that is asking to be looked at.
• 3:21
  And you're doing it by coming here with me, sitting with me,
• 3:26
  and letting me hold space for that wound.
• 3:29
  You're doing it, and I am so proud of you because I know how
• 3:34
  hard it is to sit with that and to work through it.
• 3:38
  And I see you. So I'm going to leave the light
• 3:43
  right here next to you. And you don't have to resolve
• 3:46
  the fear tonight. You don't have to decide what
• 3:50
  and who you are or what and who you aren't.
• 3:55
  You're just allowed to sit here and know that the asking, the
• 4:00
  caring enough to ask, that means something.
• 4:04
  It always has.