Latest / Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators / [Part 5 of 5] The ADHD Holiday Survival System: The 3-Phase Plan That Stops Meltdowns, Sensory Overload & Dopamine Crashes

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[Part 5 of 5] The ADHD Holiday Survival System: The 3-Phase Plan That Stops Meltdowns, Sensory Overload & Dopamine Crashes · Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

0:00
Apryl: This is it.
0:01
Apryl: This is the episode that we've been building up to for the last five episodes.
0:06
Apryl: Now, this is episode number five in our holiday series.
0:10
Apryl: And this is the one where we are giving you the step-by-step holiday system.
0:15
Apryl: This may be my favorite podcast episode that we have done so far on the show.
0:21
Apryl: We are going to give you the step-by-step how to make your hot your holidays doable and enjoy time with your kiddo or kiddos again.
0:32
Apryl: So let's dive in.
0:36
Apryl: Welcome to Raising ADHD, the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids.
0:42
Apryl: If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed, or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone.
0:48
Apryl: I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and alongside my husband, Dr.
0:54
Apryl: Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies, and support you've been looking for.
1:01
Apryl: Every week we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions, and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom.
1:10
Apryl: So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place.
1:16
Apryl: Hey everyone, welcome back to Racing ADHD.
1:20
Apryl: This is it, Brian.
1:21
Apryl: We've made it to the grand finale of our holiday series.
1:25
Apryl: And we're almost to Christmas, too.
1:27
Brian: So close.
1:29
Brian: Two more days.
1:30
Apryl: A few more days, a few more.
1:32
Apryl: Well, next week, when this releases, Christmas will be like a week and a half away.
1:37
Brian: It's almost time for me and all the other ADHD people to start our holiday shopping.
1:42
unknown: Yes, it is.
1:44
Apryl: Actually, Brian's pretty good at that.
1:45
Apryl: He's pretty on top of it.
1:46
Apryl: I'm more of the like wait till the last moment.
1:49
Brian: I plan all year long and forget to actually like execute till it's way too late.
1:55
Apryl: True.
1:55
Apryl: I'll have mine all wrapped and ready to go before school lets out.
1:59
Apryl: It'll be good.
2:01
Apryl: Okay, let's try dive in because we are giving you the step-by-step system that takes you from barely to surviving to we actually enjoyed it this year.
2:11
Brian: Yes.
2:12
Brian: So this one is not about perfection.
2:15
Brian: This is just about regulating and getting you through the holidays.
2:20
Brian: So we've kind of been setting this up, but these are the three phases.
2:24
Brian: We're going to call this the three phases of holiday dopamine.
2:27
Brian: So if you can understand these phases, you can understand the meltdowns, why they're happening, why the shutdowns are happening, why the emotional crashes are happening.
2:38
Brian: And it'll also help you understand wait, why is everything calm right now?
2:42
Brian: So, phase one, this is the setup.
2:44
Brian: This is where we're going to be externalizing executive functioning.
2:48
Brian: That way you're not burning out before the holidays even begin.
2:52
Brian: And then we're going to talk about phase two, which is the actual event.
2:55
Brian: This is where you're going to be regulating sensory load.
2:58
Brian: We're going to talk about some social expectations and the emotional needs that are occurring during the chaos.
3:06
Brian: And then one thing that I feel like is underrepresented is the landing.
3:11
Brian: And this is preventing that dopamine crash that happens after.
3:15
Apryl: Yeah, it's definitely one that it's not even talked about.
3:18
Apryl: Like it's just like, okay, just survive the event.
3:20
Brian: We just skip over this.
3:21
Apryl: What's cool about what we're talking about is not only will this help your kid, but as we know, if you if your kiddo has ADHD, you probably have a high likelihood, or your spouse has a high likelihood of having ADHD as well.
3:38
Apryl: So these phases are going to help you.
3:41
Apryl: If you implement them not just for your kid, but for you, you're gonna find that they're super helpful too.
3:46
Apryl: So let's dive in to phase number one, the setup.
3:52
Apryl: This is outsourcing executive function.
3:55
Apryl: And the first thing is a visual preview strategy.
4:01
Apryl: So as we know, the ADHD brain struggles with time blindness, right?
4:06
Apryl: So telling your kid we're going to grandma's on Thursday, it you might as well be telling your kid, hey, or we're gonna go to Mars sometime soon.
4:15
Brian: Because to them, there's no like there's no boundaries right there.
4:19
Apryl: Yeah, they don't get it.
4:22
Apryl: Yeah.
4:23
Apryl: So we use a visual timeline.
4:27
Apryl: So you can use pictures, you can use icons, or we have just right off our kitchen a year calendar where we can write, like it's a dry erase calendar, so we can write on it.
4:41
Apryl: So if we're going to grandma's house, I would write like going to grandma's house.
4:45
Apryl: And then we could every morning put like X's on it to do a countdown to grandma's house, very visual.
4:52
Apryl: And then your kid can count, like, oh, one, two, three, four, five.
4:55
Apryl: There's five more days until we go to grandma's house.
4:57
Apryl: Kind of like an advent calendar, right?
4:59
Apryl: So it you want to make it visual for them if you have an event coming up.
5:06
Brian: Yeah, and this takes the abstract because time in an ADHD brain is very abstract.
5:11
Brian: Like there's it, it doesn't make sense.
5:14
Brian: But when you can make it concrete like this, like, okay, this, these are days, and there's five of them.
5:21
Brian: I can see that.
5:22
Apryl: Yes.
5:23
Brian: Instead of like, oh, you know, next week we're going.
5:25
Brian: All right, that's either tomorrow or like a week from now, or I don't know, it's gone.
5:30
Apryl: Yeah.
5:31
Apryl: I think another like phrase that helps too is like we have five more sleeps till we go to grandma's because kids know, like, oh, I went to sleep.
5:40
Apryl: Okay, we're going to sleep tonight.
5:41
Apryl: How many more, how many more sleeps till grandma's?
5:44
Apryl: Okay, you go to bed tonight.
5:45
Apryl: There's only four more after tonight.
5:47
Apryl: Things like that are helpful too.
5:48
Brian: Sleeps or school days or or something that's a main event for them.
5:52
Apryl: Yeah.
5:53
Apryl: So, except school is letting out.
5:55
Apryl: So that can be tricky.
5:58
Apryl: Um, this next one is one of my very favorites.
6:01
Apryl: It's the no surprises gift rule.
6:04
Apryl: So let's talk about gift giving because it can be one of the biggest meltdowns.
6:10
Apryl: And it's a meltdown point not just for kids, but for adults too.
6:13
Apryl: The pressure to pick a meaningful perfect gift is the recipe for number one, procrastination.
6:22
Apryl: Because it's like, oh, I gotta find the perfect gift, and there's all that pressure, right?
6:26
Apryl: I feel like I struggle with that sometimes.
6:28
Apryl: And then the RSD spirals.
6:32
Apryl: So, you know, like it's like, oh, they didn't like my gift.
6:36
Apryl: If you don't know what RSD is, go back to the episode about like why your child's melting down.
6:42
Apryl: Might be something, I can't remember.
6:44
Apryl: It's just a few episodes back.
6:45
Apryl: It might be the one right before the holiday series, but it's rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria, and it's where your kids feel like, oh, they didn't like my gift, they don't like me.
6:56
Apryl: Or, you know, like they didn't respond to my gift the way so they don't like me.
7:00
Apryl: So use the no surprises rule for your immediate family.
7:07
Apryl: So what does that look like?
7:09
Apryl: Wish lists only.
7:12
Apryl: So you have a wish list, it's clear, it's predictable, and there's no emotional roulette.
7:19
Apryl: So it's like, you know, if they write a letter to Santa Claus or something like this, that's you're shopping off of that, and you're not surprising.
7:29
Brian: I will say this.
7:30
Brian: So this may sound like it's taking the fun out of Christmas.
7:33
Brian: It doesn't.
7:34
Brian: It's still a surprise, it's still which one am I gonna get?
7:36
Brian: You're not saying here's three things that I want, you're saying here's ten things that I like.
7:42
Apryl: Yeah.
7:43
Brian: And it still allows, like, oh, and and there's minimal risk of, oh, what is this?
7:49
Brian: And I go put it in the corner and move on and oh shoot, now we feel like we did something wrong.
7:55
Apryl: Yeah.
7:55
Apryl: And so when you're like, you know, buying for we our family does like cousin gifts and we do like gift swaps, so we draw names for cousins, things like that.
8:07
Apryl: Same thing, like, okay, um, Johnny, here's what he wants for Christmas.
8:12
Apryl: Let's go to the store.
8:13
Apryl: And you can choose which gift he wants, which gift you're gonna buy him.
8:17
Apryl: Here's his wish list, which one do you want to buy?
8:20
Apryl: And that way too, then it's like Johnny's gonna love it because it was on his wish list, and then your kid is gonna feel great because it's like, oh, Johnny loved his present that he got because guess what?
8:30
Apryl: It was something Johnny wanted.
8:32
Apryl: It wasn't just like, oh well, let's go to the store and try to figure it out.
8:35
Brian: Yeah, it removes the what if they hate it out of the out of the ADHD brain.
8:41
Brian: You're just minimizing that risk of RSD.
8:43
Apryl: Yes.
8:44
Apryl: Um, the next one is wrapping gifts.
8:48
Apryl: Wrapping gifts can be a torture.
8:50
Apryl: Key number one, don't do it alone on Christmas Eve.
8:54
Brian: No, that's that's terrible.
8:56
Apryl: Brian's been there, done that.
8:57
Brian: That makes it miserable.
8:58
Brian: So literally with this, use body doubling.
9:01
Brian: And I know that we've talked about it before.
9:04
Brian: You've you've heard this term like numerous times.
9:07
Brian: It's still underutilized.
9:09
Brian: Use body doubling.
9:10
Brian: Go when you when you wrap gifts, go get your spouse, be like, we're wrapping the kid gifts together or whatever it is.
9:16
Apryl: Yeah, or invite, I mean, you could literally make it so fun.
9:19
Apryl: Like invite a friend over and be like, hey, well, the kids are at school.
9:22
Apryl: Let's like put on a Hallmark movie and wrap gifts.
9:25
Apryl: Um, you can hop on Zoom if you know you're far away.
9:28
Apryl: Like hop on Zoom with your sister or whatever, and like we're gonna do this.
9:31
Apryl: And another cool thing, I had never heard of this.
9:34
Apryl: Brian, tell me if you've heard of this.
9:36
Apryl: There is a it's like a website called Focus Mate.
9:40
Brian: No, it's not so familiar.
9:42
Apryl: You can literally sign up.
9:44
Apryl: Um, it's pretty much like you get on Zoom with someone and you tell them, like, this is my goal by the end of our session, and they're your body double person.
9:53
Brian: You're just zooming a body double.
9:55
Apryl: Yes, it's called focus mate.
9:58
Brian: So if you're struggling, actually, yeah, like I've got to get my notes done, and as soon as they're done, I gotta go home, but my double mate's gone for the day.
10:06
Apryl: Yeah, that'd be nice.
10:07
Apryl: Yeah, it's literally focus mate.
10:09
Apryl: If you just Google focus mate and it's one word, there you go.
10:13
Apryl: So this obviously it's that external accountability and it helps you start and finish without the executive function collapse, which I know, Brian.
10:23
Apryl: I feel like you sometimes have that like where you get started and then you're like and you take like very long breaks until it's like, okay, we gotta get going again.
10:33
Brian: Cause I do not.
10:35
Apryl: Is laundry every weekend sure does.
10:39
Brian: Laundry takes a couple hours, but that's like my Zen time.
10:42
Apryl: Oh, okay.
10:43
Brian: It feels so good to be like, oh, look how look how flat these are.
10:46
Apryl: Look now.
10:47
Brian: This is clean, I can wear it this week.
10:48
Apryl: So that's phase one.
10:49
Apryl: The setup, the setup to the holidays.
10:52
Apryl: You're gonna outsource executive function with that visual preview, the no surprises gift rule, and the body doubling wrapping trick.
11:01
Apryl: And it can be more than body doubling for wrapping, it could be whatever you have to do.
11:07
Brian: We've got to make cookies to prepare.
11:08
Apryl: Yeah.
11:09
Brian: We're gonna do cookies and pies at the same time, and somebody's gonna come help me.
11:13
Apryl: Yeah, whatever it is that you have to do.
11:15
Apryl: So let's dive into phase two now, which is the actual event, whether that's the party, the play you're going to, whatever it is.
11:24
Apryl: And we're gonna give you five different tips for this.
11:29
Apryl: So this is, you know, the sensory and social regulation during the event.
11:34
Apryl: So, Brian, you want to start into tip number one?
11:37
Brian: Yeah, so we're calling tip number one the sensory safe zone.
11:41
Brian: And this is when you're at the holiday gathering, and I mean, these are like sensory landmines, they're loud.
11:49
Brian: We've got family, we've got friends, everything's like chaotic, everybody's having all these conversations all at the same time.
11:56
Brian: It's very unpredictable.
11:58
Brian: And so before you even walk inside, like when you pull up to the pull up, before you walk up to the door, you need to identify a safe zone.
12:08
Brian: And so this could be a quiet room, like hey, you know how grandma has that like downstairs room nobody ever goes into or whatever, or the car.
12:15
Brian: Or, you know, look at the porch.
12:17
Brian: I mean, it's kind of a cool night, nobody's out on the porch.
12:19
Brian: If you need to step out on the porch.
12:22
Brian: So anywhere that your child and you can't escape the noise, this is what you're gonna identify before you even get in there.
12:29
Apryl: Yeah.
12:30
Apryl: So I think I love this idea.
12:32
Apryl: I mean, even like as a neurotypical person, sometimes it's really nice just to escape to the quiet.
12:42
Brian: Yeah, this sounds like, oh, this is kind of weird.
12:44
Brian: But if you think about it, we're already all doing this.
12:46
Brian: When we walk in a party, we're like, okay, when this starts to go, like, where am I gonna go?
12:52
Apryl: Yeah.
12:52
Apryl: I think well, imagine most people when they come home from work and they're so like exhausted, it's like, I'm gonna go, say in quotes, go to the bathroom and sit on my phone for 30 minutes.
13:04
Brian: Yeah.
13:04
Apryl: Same kind of thing.
13:05
Apryl: It's like you're just literally creating that quiet space.
13:08
Brian: I had to go have a bathroom break that consists only of washing my hands for 45 minutes.
13:13
Apryl: Yes.
13:13
Apryl: So tell your kiddo, if it gets too loud, this is where we're gonna go to reset.
13:20
Apryl: And then they just know this is what I'm gonna do.
13:22
Brian: It gets too loud for them.
13:23
Brian: And these resets, they only need to be five minutes.
13:25
Brian: It's not like, okay, you're gonna go there the rest of the night.
13:28
Brian: Five minutes, kind of get yourself reset, get yourself set back in.
13:31
Apryl: Yeah, and they're I'm ready to go back.
13:32
Apryl: And the cool thing about this too is that they're choosing it themselves.
13:35
Apryl: So it's not like go to time out, like you're melting down, go to timeout.
13:40
Apryl: No, it's like, oh, this is getting too overwhelming for me.
13:43
Apryl: I'm gonna remove myself from the situation.
13:45
Apryl: And they can stay there as long as they want, too.
13:47
Apryl: Like you don't have to force them back either.
13:49
Brian: Right.
13:50
Brian: And this is another one you can you can set up like a semi-safe zone.
13:54
Brian: Like, grandma's got a switch downstairs.
13:57
Brian: I can grab my cousin and we can go down and play the switch because I know they get overwhelmed and it'll take away some of the noise.
14:04
Apryl: Yeah, and sometimes it's nice just to have that one friend.
14:08
Apryl: Like I still want to be part of it and social, I just don't want the whole family, the whole chaos.
14:14
Apryl: That's a good point.
14:15
Apryl: Tip number two.
14:17
Brian: Yes, tip number two, the regulation kit.
14:20
Brian: This is the noise canceling headphones, literally a kit.
14:23
Apryl: The kit that you can like just like a little bag that you can make yourself a little bit in your purse.
14:27
Apryl: Yeah.
14:29
Brian: So this is where like fidget toys come from is these regulation kits.
14:34
Brian: So get you a fidget toy.
14:36
Brian: Uh you can do sunglasses if it's if it's lights instead of noise that's bothering you.
14:42
Brian: If it's I just get hungry, put a little small snack in there, a little bag of pretzels.
14:46
Brian: And this isn't rude.
14:49
Brian: This isn't like special treatment.
14:51
Brian: This is I've got some deficiencies in a few things.
14:55
Brian: I don't like the noise, and that overwhelms me.
14:57
Brian: I get hungry easily.
14:59
Brian: And I'm bringing a kid along so that I can still be included and I can still do all the activities and everything else and fill in those you know, deficiencies or whatever the little things are that I need.
15:12
Apryl: Yes.
15:13
Apryl: And we're gonna talk about this in the next phase, but I do just want to say, or well, in not the next phase, but in the next few tips.
15:22
Apryl: But I just am thinking about your family parties and I know your brothers, and there is one brother who just likes to like poke the bear, you know what I'm saying?
15:34
Apryl: And he would be like, Oh, you got your head special too, you got your special kit.
15:40
Apryl: Oh, what you're and that's when you put up boundaries and be like, and don't like let it bother you.
15:45
Apryl: Like, yep, my kid has the special kit.
15:47
Apryl: If that's how you want to see it, like, and you know that it's just fine.
15:51
Apryl: Don't let it like get to you.
15:53
Brian: You know, these are like tools to help us get through life.
15:56
Brian: This is like a baseball player taking mitt or a batting glove or his hat or you know, a basketball player putting on his sweatbands, whatever it is, or his basketball shoes.
16:06
Brian: This is what we need.
16:08
Brian: I'm still doing the activity.
16:09
Brian: I'm gonna do it 100%.
16:10
Brian: I need a little extra tool to go along with it.
16:12
Apryl: Yeah, good.
16:13
Apryl: It's a bag of pretzels.
16:14
Apryl: Yep.
16:15
Apryl: Yep.
16:16
Apryl: So don't let Uncle Joe.
16:19
Apryl: I'm gonna call him out.
16:20
Apryl: Don't let Uncle Joe ruin your night.
16:23
Brian: He knows who he is.
16:24
Brian: Yeah.
16:24
Brian: Also, with noise canceling headphones, if you haven't tried them, just just to cancel noise, not to listen to music, but just just putting it in there and cancel the noise.
16:33
Apryl: Yeah, this doesn't it'sn't even AirPods.
16:35
Apryl: Like literally on Amazon, they have kid-sized ones and adult-sized ones, so they're just like little air buds, not air buds, but like earbuds that go in your ears and they're noise canceling.
16:45
Apryl: So yeah.
16:47
Brian: Yeah, they don't have to be electronic, you can just do the mechanical ones.
16:50
Apryl: Yeah.
16:51
Apryl: Um, another rule, I love this rule too, is the two-car rule.
16:56
Apryl: This is just like it sounds if you can take two cars.
17:01
Apryl: So it removes that feeling of being trapped that triggers adult dysregulation too.
17:07
Apryl: It's like, oh my gosh, I can't leave.
17:08
Apryl: I can't get out of here.
17:09
Apryl: I know I've felt that way at your family Harris before.
17:13
Brian: Yeah, I've I've never felt that way at yours, so it's just his family.
17:19
Apryl: So one kid melting down does not have to end the night for everyone.
17:24
Apryl: Because I know that's another thing that's like can be very hard for some families.
17:28
Apryl: It's like, you know, only one kid gets dysregulated, but then the rest of the kids have to, and I'm gonna say this in quotes, suffer for the other child.
17:40
Apryl: So this makes it so it's like, oh no, these kids can stay, this parent and the this kid or these kids are going home, and we can all enjoy our night.
17:49
Brian: Yep.
17:49
Brian: This is also really good with teens.
17:51
Brian: If you take two cars and your teens like, I I mean, I'm done, I like I'm toasted, it's over.
17:58
Brian: Let your teen drive home.
17:59
Brian: I mean, obviously, this is gonna depend on where you're at and how old your teen is, but yeah.
18:04
Apryl: And I mean, yes, it obviously depends on your situation.
18:08
Apryl: But yeah, yeah.
18:09
Apryl: I mean, our teen, I mean, he's a young adult now, but I would have totally been like, Yeah, you can go.
18:15
Apryl: Because I trust him.
18:16
Apryl: I know that he wouldn't be like, see you later, go and hang out with friends.
18:21
Apryl: Ditching the family party.
18:23
Brian: Yeah, I mean, you can't just be like, hey, we brought the car so you can leave whenever you want.
18:27
Brian: And they're gone.
18:29
Brian: Yep.
18:30
Apryl: Yeah, but no, that is a really good one because that trap filling is the worst when it's like, I can't leave.
18:36
Apryl: And then make sure that you park somewhere that you can actually get out.
18:40
Brian: Oh, yeah.
18:40
Brian: Don't park at the front of the driveway and then all your family parks behind.
18:44
Apryl: Also an issue that we've maybe had in the past.
18:48
Brian: Hey, Joe, you you gotta move your car because I need to leave because you're you're too much.
18:54
Brian: Why are you leaving?
18:55
Brian: Uh, it's you.
18:55
Brian: It's not you, it's not me, it's you.
18:57
Apryl: Exactly.
19:00
Apryl: Okay.
19:03
Apryl: Oh, he knows.
19:05
Apryl: Social scripts.
19:06
Apryl: Speaking of Joe, this is where social scripts come in so good.
19:11
Brian: Right.
19:12
Brian: ADHD brains like to overexplain under pressure, and the scripts solve that.
19:17
Brian: I'm sure you've noticed on here when I get a little stressed out or a little anxious, the explanations get longer, like this.
19:24
Brian: So, what do you do with overstimulation?
19:28
Brian: Here's your script.
19:30
Brian: I'm gonna step outside for a quick minute, I'll be right back.
19:33
Brian: Unsolicited advice.
19:34
Brian: We're working on that with the doctor.
19:36
Brian: Thank you for caring.
19:37
Brian: That one's so easy because it's like, guess what, bro?
19:40
Brian: Uh, we got the experts on it.
19:42
Brian: Move it on.
19:43
Apryl: Yeah.
19:44
Apryl: I mean, you could even depending on your family and how snarky you like to be, you could say it that way.
19:50
Apryl: I've got an expert on this.
19:51
Apryl: I don't need your expertise.
19:55
Brian: Yeah, but I mean you you know what situations and what's gonna come up.
19:58
Brian: Just plan a script beforehand.
20:00
Apryl: Yep.
20:00
Brian: Leaving early.
20:01
Brian: Hey, we had a wonderful time.
20:02
Brian: We're gonna head out now just to end the note the night on a high note.
20:06
Apryl: These scripts make it so you don't have to apologize.
20:10
Apryl: There's no defensiveness.
20:12
Apryl: You don't have to get your f feathers wrapped.
20:14
Apryl: Other people won't get theirs feathers wrapped rolled.
20:16
Apryl: Because we know family events can sometimes be tricky.
20:21
Apryl: It's just a clear exit.
20:23
Apryl: Hey, I'm going out to step on out on the porch.
20:25
Apryl: It's hot in here.
20:26
Apryl: It's quick break.
20:27
Apryl: That's all you I mean, literally.
20:28
Apryl: That's they don't even realize they're like, yeah, it is hot in here.
20:31
Apryl: They're smart to go out to the porch, you know?
20:34
Apryl: So right.
20:35
Brian: And so this is one of those that I'm sure you've probably all worked with your therapists and all the therapists are going, like, uh, yeah, we we do stuff beforehand.
20:45
Brian: When you can plan stuff out so you're being proactive instead of reactive, things always go smoother.
20:52
Brian: So you're just you're just planning out scripts.
20:55
Apryl: Yes.
20:56
Apryl: And you've probably been around your family, especially if it's a family party or friends enough that you know these how they're what they might do, that you can prepare that.
21:06
Apryl: Or if it is with a new group of people that you're not, then you know, just kind of think of okay, what's happened in the past at these events, or what do I foresee?
21:14
Apryl: And just kind of getting smites in your head.
21:17
Brian: Yep.
21:17
Brian: Yeah, you know, like your four or five weaknesses of like, I hate when they this is brought up.
21:21
Brian: Yeah.
21:21
Brian: What can I do?
21:22
Apryl: Or your kids or your their teens.
21:24
Apryl: And you can like with teens, this is a really good thing to work on with them before the party, too, because they're gonna be the ones who are probably going to be the ones that need to say it, not you saying it for them like you would with little kids.
21:38
Apryl: So, you know, talking to your teen about it and kind of preparing them beforehand as well.
21:42
Apryl: So, number five, the last one in phase two is the dopamine menu.
21:48
Apryl: And we talked about this in the three mists last episode is that sugar doesn't really cause the hyperactivity, but the novelty, the excitement, all the things, the combination of it mimics the ADHD dysregulation.
22:06
Apryl: So this, what we're gonna do, isn't a restriction, it's an addition.
22:12
Apryl: So we talked about this, and Brian, do you want to remind them?
22:16
Brian: Right.
22:17
Brian: So this is where you can have like protein before the event, or protein with dessert, or milk with the cookies, or just nuts in the car.
22:25
Brian: Things that you can have that will will keep you full, will keep your that like up and down roller coaster of your appetite.
22:33
Brian: Keep that in check.
22:34
Apryl: It's stabilizing the blood sugar, which stabilizes behavior.
22:38
Apryl: You know, we all have heard the term hangry helps you from getting angry, especially if you're like going to dinner somewhere or someone's house and you're not like in control of the timing of the food, and you know that your kid melts down when they're hungry, then giving that protein in for the snack, like we talked about with the regulation kit.
22:59
Apryl: Finally, the one that, like Brian said in the beginning, is the one that is not talked about, but is super important is phase three, the landing.
23:10
Apryl: And this is managing the dopamine crash after the holidays.
23:16
Apryl: This is the post-holiday crash.
23:19
Apryl: And I mean, we see this not just with ADHD kids, but like this seasonal depression.
23:27
Apryl: January hits, and it's like, oh, I've been looking forward to the holidays, all these things, and it's this crash.
23:32
Apryl: So it's not emotional, it's biological.
23:36
Apryl: Your child or you as an adult just went from high stimulation, novelty, excitement to nothing.
23:44
Brian: And this is something that everybody experiences to a degree.
23:47
Brian: So let's start.
23:48
Brian: Number one, the buffer day.
23:50
Brian: This is never return to school or work the next day.
23:54
Brian: So when you get home from grandma's house or whatever it is, I'm gonna jump in here.
23:59
Apryl: I think this is such a great point for travel, especially.
24:03
Apryl: Like if you're planning your travel time, don't plan it like, okay, the kids go back to school Monday.
24:10
Apryl: We're gonna fly home Sunday.
24:12
Apryl: Give yourself this buffer day.
24:14
Apryl: Give your family 24 hours.
24:18
Brian: We've all done this trying to like maximize your vacation where you're like, okay, I'm gonna leave work and meet my family at the airport.
24:25
Brian: And then I can get home late enough that we can just, you know, rush to bed.
24:29
Brian: And then, you know, the next day will be a little rough, but I'll catch up.
24:32
Brian: No, this it never works.
24:34
Apryl: No, like you need to regulate this buffer day, it regulates your nervous system.
24:39
Apryl: So, what does this buffer date look like?
24:41
Apryl: It's not we're gonna go 100 miles an hour, we're cleaning the house, we're unpacking, we're doing all the things.
24:46
Apryl: No, stay in your pajamas, eat leftovers, order out pizza, whatever it is, watch movies and do nothing.
24:52
Apryl: Like, literally let your body re-regulate.
24:56
Brian: Yep.
24:57
Brian: So, even from the hospital, like when we discharge people from the hospital that have been at the psychiatric hospital, we choose a day that they can go back and it goes in their discharge summary of like, you know, a return to school day or return to work day.
25:12
Brian: And it's not necessarily the next day.
25:14
Brian: This can be like, hey, you're leaving on a Thursday.
25:17
Brian: You're free to go back to school on Monday.
25:19
Brian: Here's your doctor note.
25:21
Apryl: It's a re-entry into real life.
25:24
Apryl: So give not just your kids this, but give yourself this too.
25:28
Apryl: I promise it's so worth it.
25:31
Brian: And once you start doing this, you won't go back.
25:32
Apryl: Yeah.
25:33
Apryl: So, number one, your buffer day.
25:35
Apryl: That's gonna help.
25:37
Apryl: And number two is the bridge event.
25:41
Apryl: So we've all hit that weird time between Christmas and New Year's.
25:46
Apryl: It's like all the presents are open.
25:49
Apryl: The excitement's wore off.
25:50
Apryl: At least at our house, New Year's isn't like crazy exciting.
25:55
Apryl: If you don't have a trip planned between the New Year, you know, like in that holiday break, like there's really nothing to look forward to.
26:02
Apryl: And the dopamine falls off a cliff.
26:04
Apryl: What the bridge event is, is to schedule a bridge event, which is two to three weeks after the holidays.
26:13
Apryl: So it could be after school has started.
26:15
Apryl: Um, it could be like a special movie night or a game night or a mini trip or you know, going to the bowling alley or something that like you don't do all the time.
26:26
Apryl: It's just small, but it's exciting enough to soften that landing of, oh, we've had this big buildup and crash, right?
26:34
Apryl: There's still something small to look forward to.
26:36
Brian: I totally agree.
26:37
Brian: We're planning not a vacation in December, but instead one in January.
26:42
Apryl: These bridge events help with that dopamine crash.
26:45
Apryl: They help if you struggle with the seasonal depression, those kind of things, like just having something fun to look forward to.
26:53
Apryl: Like I said, it can be very simple, but it can really help with that too.
26:57
Brian: Yeah.
26:57
Brian: I remember the the day after Christmas or like a couple days after Christmas when she played with all your toys.
27:04
Brian: That like disappointment of it's 363 days until the next day.
27:09
Apryl: Until Christmas again, yes.
27:10
Apryl: Or all your friends were out of town.
27:13
Brian: Yeah, everybody left, and now it's like, oh sweet.
27:15
Apryl: Oh god, is my you know my baseball mitt and and no one.
27:20
Brian: This is my sweet.
27:21
Apryl: Yeah.
27:21
Apryl: So having something to look forward to can really help soften that landing.
27:25
Apryl: The next part of phase three, the landing, is the joy phase of it, which is how to actually enjoy the holidays again.
27:34
Apryl: And remember, the main thing is connection creates joy.
27:40
Apryl: Not your kid complying to everything, doing everything, or that Pinterest perfect holiday.
27:46
Apryl: It's connection.
27:48
Apryl: Brian, do you want to talk about the first tip for this?
27:51
Brian: Sure.
27:51
Brian: So gamify the boring is the one we're talking about.
27:55
Brian: So playing trash basketball or a timed cleanup race or the holiday scavenger hunt.
28:02
Brian: Some of the things where it's like, yeah, this is gonna be terrible and we've got to do it.
28:06
Brian: So you know what?
28:08
Brian: Whoever gets the most pieces of garbage picked up in five minutes wins.
28:12
Apryl: Yes.
28:12
Apryl: Or Christmas morning when all the presents are open and it's a disaster.
28:17
Apryl: It's okay, let's see who can make the basket.
28:21
Apryl: Dad's gonna hold open the garbage can, who gets the most points for making baskets with the wrapping paper or whatever, just making it fun.
28:28
Brian: Yeah, this doesn't have to be like a big thing.
28:30
Apryl: Nope.
28:31
Apryl: But it makes it fun and creates joy.
28:33
Brian: Yep.
28:34
Brian: So the next one is good enough traditions.
28:39
Apryl: I love this one.
28:40
Apryl: The good enough traditions.
28:43
Brian: So this is where you can have store-bought cookies or lights in your pajamas.
28:50
Brian: You can go see the lights in your pajamas.
28:52
Brian: Or we're gonna just watch a movie.
28:54
Brian: You don't have to have like this big extravagant.
28:57
Brian: Our family tradition is we do this and this and this and this and this.
29:00
Brian: No, it can be guess what we do on the night before Christmas?
29:02
Brian: We all watch Miracle on 34th Street.
29:05
Brian: 34th.
29:06
Brian: I was about to say 43rd, and I was like, oh, that sounds so weird though.
29:08
Brian: Miracle on 34th Street, or the greatest movie of all time, White Christmas.
29:13
Apryl: Your kids may not enjoy that one as much, though.
29:15
Brian: Your kids won't.
29:17
Apryl: Remember, your kids will not remember if you bake the cookies from scratch.
29:23
Apryl: They will remember if you yelled at them the whole night, though.
29:26
Apryl: That's why you make it simple.
29:29
Apryl: Go buy the cookies from the store.
29:31
Apryl: It's okay.
29:32
Brian: Yep.
29:33
Brian: Don't don't try to Instagram this.
29:35
Apryl: No, no.
29:36
Apryl: Jump in the car, put your pajamas on, jump in the car, and go watch Christmas lights.
29:40
Apryl: Call the Polar Express.
29:42
Apryl: Simple and easy.
29:43
Apryl: Like you can create magic with very simple things.
29:46
Apryl: And it's way more magical when mom's happy.
29:49
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
29:50
Apryl: So good enough traditions.
29:52
Apryl: So one thing that I want you to remember out of this whole entire holiday series is that the holidays are built for neurotypical brains.
30:02
Apryl: So when you're like, oh my gosh, my kid melts down every single Christmas.
30:07
Apryl: We can never enjoy the holidays.
30:09
Apryl: I never get to enjoy the holiday parties, whatever.
30:11
Apryl: Just remember that you're not failing.
30:16
Apryl: The system is failing you.
30:18
Apryl: So implementing this plan is going to help a lot of to bring back that joy of the holidays.
30:25
Brian: Right.
30:26
Brian: So you're really just going for the right structure, the right boundaries, and the right sensory, I don't call it safety, but like this the right way to manage your sensations.
30:37
Brian: Everything gets easier with this.
30:39
Apryl: If you want this entire plan, we actually have this all in a PDF for you that you can get at raisingadh.org slash holiday.
30:54
Apryl: And you can get this whole plan for free.
30:57
Apryl: And you don't have to second guess your holidays anymore.
31:01
Apryl: You don't have to white knuckle your way through it.
31:04
Apryl: You can enjoy the holidays and enjoy your family this holiday season.
31:08
Apryl: The best gift you could give us this holiday season is to rate and review the podcast.
31:14
Apryl: We would love, love, love to see your review come in.
31:18
Apryl: And one last thing is if you have a question for us, we have a new way to engage.
31:27
Apryl: If you want your question answered here on the podcast, go to raisingadh.org slash question.
31:35
Apryl: You can fill out your question and we'll answer it in one of the upcoming podcast episodes.
31:40
Apryl: We hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
31:43
Brian: Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD.
31:47
Brian: Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming.
31:50
Brian: Small shifts can make a big difference.
31:53
Brian: If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you'd leave a review, or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support.
32:02
Brian: And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips, and encouragement.
32:07
Brian: Until then, you've got this, and we've got your back.