Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #237| How to Say No With Ease and Stop Overwhelm Before It Starts
Transcript
- 0:00Michelle Gauthier: If saying no makes you feel guilty or selfish or like a bad person, it's probably influencing you to not say no because who wants to feel that way?
- 0:13Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
- 0:21Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gauthier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
- 0:26Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's Working Woman experiences.
- 0:31Michelle Gauthier: And in each episode, you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease, and relaxation to your life.
- 0:38Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend.
- 0:41Michelle Gauthier: Today we're talking about one of the most complicated, emotionally loaded words in the English language, which is no.
- 0:49Michelle Gauthier: Such a short word, but it packs so much punch and has so much guilt and all kinds of things associated with it.
- 0:55Michelle Gauthier: So if you've ever said yes while your body on the inside was like no, or if you've said sure and then instantly regretted it, or if you know you're overcommitting yourself, but you feel too guilty to back out, this is going to be a great episode for you.
- 1:09Michelle Gauthier: In this episode, you'll hear three types of no and when to use them.
- 1:12Michelle Gauthier: And I'm going to give you nine real life phrases that you can borrow word for word.
- 1:17Michelle Gauthier: So you can save this episode and keep coming back to it to remember how to say no.
- 1:21Michelle Gauthier: And I'll also give you a mindset reframe that makes saying no way easier.
- 1:25Michelle Gauthier: Let me start off by saying if there's a situation where you want to say no and you know you want to say no, and you feel badly about it, just remind yourself it isn't rude, it's honest.
- 1:36Michelle Gauthier: And being honest, in my opinion, is always kinder than being dishonest.
- 1:41Michelle Gauthier: The thing about saying no is it's actually a skill and probably one you were never taught, especially if you're a woman.
- 1:47Michelle Gauthier: You were probably raised to know your quotes, no, that the most important thing was to put other people first or to make sure other people were happy, and that you were seen as likable and easygoing, which means saying yes, even if you don't want to.
- 2:02Michelle Gauthier: The great news is you don't have to master a script for every situation.
- 2:06Michelle Gauthier: You just need a couple go-to categories that help you say no in a way that feels good to you.
- 2:10Michelle Gauthier: Here are the three categories of no, plus three exact phrases you can use.
- 2:16Michelle Gauthier: The first one is the warm but firm no.
- 2:19Michelle Gauthier: This is for when you care about the person and you appreciate the invite, but it's still a no for you.
- 2:25Michelle Gauthier: So for example, your friend invites you to dinner and you don't have other plans, but you've just been looking forward to a quiet night in.
- 2:33Michelle Gauthier: This literally just happened to me, and it's probably happened to you as well.
- 2:37Michelle Gauthier: And you know that you want to say no.
- 2:39Michelle Gauthier: The way that you can communicate that is to say, thanks for thinking of me, I'm gonna sit this one out.
- 2:45Michelle Gauthier: Or that sounds so fun, but I'm just not up for it right now.
- 2:49Michelle Gauthier: Or I wish I had the capacity, but I'm trying to keep things really simple this week.
- 2:54Michelle Gauthier: And here's what not to do in these kind of nos and any kind of nos.
- 2:58Michelle Gauthier: Go into a whole bunch of description.
- 3:01Michelle Gauthier: Like, don't feel like you need to overexplain.
- 3:04Michelle Gauthier: For example, I normally would, but I've had the most exhausting week and I just need to go to bed, and my kids did this and my work was like that, etc., etc.
- 3:13Michelle Gauthier: Most of the time when you overexplain, it's completely unnecessary.
- 3:18Michelle Gauthier: And I think it almost makes you seem guilty when it's totally okay just to say no.
- 3:23Michelle Gauthier: I would rather just stay home.
- 3:25Michelle Gauthier: And of course, along with the warm but firm no, you can always just say no thanks, or even just no.
- 3:32Michelle Gauthier: No can be a complete sentence on its own.
- 3:35Michelle Gauthier: The second type of no and some examples of how to say it is the boundaried no.
- 3:40Michelle Gauthier: So this is where you have a boundary and you know your boundary, and you're just saying a firm, unapologetic no.
- 3:48Michelle Gauthier: It's for when saying yes would cost you your time, energy, or your sanity, or just go against a certain boundary that you've set for yourself.
- 3:56Michelle Gauthier: So let's say your extended family asks you to host Thanksgiving again this year, and you've done it the last three years and you're maxed out and you promise yourself that you wouldn't do it.
- 4:06Michelle Gauthier: Some of the ways that you can say no in this type of situation is to say, that's not something I have space for this year.
- 4:13Michelle Gauthier: I'm keeping my energy really protected this season.
- 4:17Michelle Gauthier: So it's a no for me.
- 4:18Michelle Gauthier: I've already committed my time somewhere else or to something else.
- 4:23Michelle Gauthier: You want to make sure these are true.
- 4:25Michelle Gauthier: You don't need to tell a lie, you can just tell the truth.
- 4:28Michelle Gauthier: So I'm keeping my energy protected this season is really true.
- 4:32Michelle Gauthier: Another one I tell my clients to use all the time, and you're welcome to use this too, is to say, my life coach is teaching me or making me say no to things so that I can have more space in my life.
- 4:43Michelle Gauthier: So I have to say no.
- 4:44Michelle Gauthier: You can totally blame me as you want to, because if you're listening to this podcast, I'm sort of your life coach.
- 4:49Michelle Gauthier: The third category is the no for now.
- 4:52Michelle Gauthier: So this is when you see an opportunity that actually is exciting and you want to do it, but the timing just isn't right.
- 4:58Michelle Gauthier: If you genuinely would like to do the thing, but just not do it right now, then this is the type of no you want to say there.
- 5:06Michelle Gauthier: Again, make sure that's true.
- 5:08Michelle Gauthier: If someone invites you to do something, for example, someone just asked me to be a guest on this panel of women who owned their own businesses, and it seemed really cool and I really like the person who was coordinating it, but frankly, I just did not have time.
- 5:22Michelle Gauthier: If I had said yes, I would have made myself feel overwhelmed.
- 5:25Michelle Gauthier: So I was like, nope, I just can't do it.
- 5:29Michelle Gauthier: If you're in that situation, you can say, I'd love to join, but I can't this time.
- 5:33Michelle Gauthier: Please keep me posted if you're doing this again, which is exactly what I said in this situation, and they said we're never gonna do it again.
- 5:39Michelle Gauthier: And I was like, shoot, I'm sorry to miss the opportunity.
- 5:42Michelle Gauthier: You could say, This is so aligned.
- 5:44Michelle Gauthier: I'm a no for right now, but I hope we can collaborate further down the road, or can you circle back with me in a couple months?
- 5:50Michelle Gauthier: I'd love to talk about this when I have more space.
- 5:53Michelle Gauthier: Only use this when you mean it, because if you say this and you don't mean it, then when they come back to you, you're just gonna have to say no again.
- 5:59Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so those are three types of no.
- 6:02Michelle Gauthier: Each of those I gave you three examples for how to say it.
- 6:05Michelle Gauthier: So you've now got nine verbatim things that you can say depending on the situation.
- 6:10Michelle Gauthier: You will not believe how much space you have available in your calendar and your brain when you say no.
- 6:17Michelle Gauthier: Have a great rest of the week.
- 6:19Michelle Gauthier: Don't forget to practice saying no.
- 6:21Michelle Gauthier: Maybe take one of these phrases and use it once this week and see how that feels for you.
- 6:26Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
- 6:34Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.com.
- 6:40Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.