Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 206 | Why Growth Feels So Uncomfortable (And Why You Shouldn't Escape It)
Transcript
- 0:01Erin Gray: Welcome back to Your Money, Your Rules podcast.
- 0:04Erin Gray: Today I want to talk about something that I'm currently experiencing.
- 0:07Erin Gray: I have experienced multiple times.
- 0:08Erin Gray: I'm sure if you're listening to this podcast, this has also occurred within you as well.
- 0:14Erin Gray: Because if you're running a business, if you're going after things that you want in your life, going for your dreams and your goals, you're going to experience this.
- 0:22Erin Gray: And that is something called the gap.
- 0:24Erin Gray: Some people call it the messy middle, the in-between, whatever you want to refer to it as.
- 0:28Erin Gray: But for this episode, we'll refer to it as the gap.
- 0:31Erin Gray: It's the place where you have let go of who you were, of the old identity of who you were, and where you are moving towards, hasn't fully arrived yet.
- 0:42Erin Gray: So let's dive in.
- 0:44Erin Gray: So let's talk about wanting to escape the gap because I think that this is natural.
- 0:48Erin Gray: This is what humans do.
- 0:50Erin Gray: We don't like being in the gap.
- 0:52Erin Gray: We don't like how it feels in our body.
- 0:55Erin Gray: And the gap is that space between what I call it's the difference between what the 3D world, if you were to look at, let's just say your PL or your revenue, if you were to look at your 3D numbers, they don't represent what where you are going.
- 1:11Erin Gray: That 3D hasn't yet caught up with the 5D, right?
- 1:15Erin Gray: You have become someone new, you have a new identity, you are taking action from that new place.
- 1:22Erin Gray: And the results or the 3D world, the numbers in the bank account, the revenue, the body, whatever it might be that you're working on, hasn't yet come to fruition yet.
- 1:35Erin Gray: And because a lot of us aren't used to feeling this way or don't like the way that it feels in our body, we want to do something to make it go away.
- 1:45Erin Gray: So I want you to think about, and this what I'm gonna list off here is you could do some of these things, you could do all of them, you could do one of them.
- 1:54Erin Gray: I just thought about some of the things that I used to do.
- 1:58Erin Gray: I've gotten a lot better at this.
- 1:59Erin Gray: I'm not perfect.
- 2:00Erin Gray: Like I said, I'm currently in this right now.
- 2:02Erin Gray: And I recognized the, I think it was yesterday, I messaged a friend and I was like, I'm sitting here and I'm in the gap.
- 2:08Erin Gray: And I'm just being really compassionate and loving with myself because it's sometimes I think you just get to a point where you're like, what else can you do?
- 2:15Erin Gray: So think about what are your go-tos when it comes to being in the gap?
- 2:20Erin Gray: Do you go to overworking?
- 2:21Erin Gray: Do you get, and I'm air quoting, you know, busy?
- 2:25Erin Gray: Do you take a course or think you need to hire somebody else or maybe even an employee or hire another mentor or advisor?
- 2:34Erin Gray: Do you start making impulsive or or fast, quick decisions?
- 2:39Erin Gray: Do you start feeling doubt?
- 2:41Erin Gray: Do you get pulled back to the familiar and what you're used to doing?
- 2:46Erin Gray: Are you a social media scroller?
- 2:48Erin Gray: You know, like do you zone out and watch Netflix or Apple TV?
- 2:52Erin Gray: One of the things that I noticed I used to do when I was in the gap is I would message my friends.
- 2:58Erin Gray: Yes, I did say I messaged my friend last night, but we were already kind of talking about back and forth some other things, and I was just sharing with her.
- 3:04Erin Gray: But what I recognized a couple of years ago is I would be in the gap and then I would want to text my friends to kind of share what I was going through.
- 3:13Erin Gray: But it was coming from this place of like, I don't like this feeling in my body.
- 3:17Erin Gray: Please give me some certainty.
- 3:19Erin Gray: Let me take some certainty for you so I can feel secure and safe and certain about what's going on.
- 3:25Erin Gray: Like I was seeking their validation, their support because I hadn't yet built that and anchored that into with my own self and my own being.
- 3:35Erin Gray: And I think a lot of us, you know, mistake that this discomfort, this uneasy feeling that we are feeling in our body is a sign that something has gone wrong, or maybe, you know, there's some thread or belief here of like this is not okay.
- 3:52Erin Gray: And I think some of our most deepest potent work that we can do as business owners, as visionaries, is to get really comfortable with being in the gap.
- 4:03Erin Gray: It's like, let me just pull up this chair and let me just settle in and let me just get really comfortable with being where we are or where I am.
- 4:13Erin Gray: Because from what I have experienced, and for my clients, you know, as long as you are running a business, as long as you have these big bold ideas, as long as you are creating the life that you want, you're gonna experience the gap.
- 4:29Erin Gray: And I think what I've learned is that you are at we are actually gonna experience the gap more often.
- 4:34Erin Gray: Like I've noticed the gap is getting, or I should say, like the time between my up levels are getting faster and faster and faster because the more action you take, the more that you really start to focus inward and you start really, you know, like, where do I need to let this go and where do I need to let that go?
- 4:50Erin Gray: You know, I think a lot of times with manifestation or what manifestation people teach you is like, what it, what do you want to feel?
- 4:56Erin Gray: And one of the things that I really started to think about when I was in Rosemary Beach was, what do I need to let go of?
- 5:01Erin Gray: Like, God's just keep showing me what do I need to let go of?
- 5:04Erin Gray: Because that's really, that's really where what we're gonna see, right?
- 5:08Erin Gray: The growth that we are gonna see.
- 5:10Erin Gray: Yes, it's great to like be in the vibration of gratitude and having and and all of those higher vibration emotions.
- 5:19Erin Gray: Yes.
- 5:20Erin Gray: And also, like, I think sometimes it's also important to to ask God, like, what do I need to let go of?
- 5:28Erin Gray: Because it's those limiting beliefs as well.
- 5:30Erin Gray: It's those things that are kind of holding us back or slowing us down from moving towards what we want.
- 5:38Erin Gray: So I like to look at the gap now as information.
- 5:43Erin Gray: Like, what is this gap revealing about me?
- 5:47Erin Gray: So instead of thinking that the gap is a problem, think of what is it revealing to you and about you?
- 5:53Erin Gray: Where does this get to show you where you don't trust yourself?
- 5:57Erin Gray: Where are you still seeking outside validation or certainty?
- 6:01Erin Gray: Where do you say you trust God and have faith, but not really when it comes down to it?
- 6:06Erin Gray: I think a lot of us, you know, say, I trust God, I have faith, but it's easy to have faith when you have plenty of money in your bank account, right?
- 6:14Erin Gray: It's easy to have faith when everything is going exactly the way you want to in your business.
- 6:19Erin Gray: It's easy to have faith when your body's doing exactly what it needs to do.
- 6:23Erin Gray: Really having faith, really having certainty in your connection with yourself and with God comes in those obstacles or those challenging moments or when the 3D world isn't matching up with what you know to be true about yourself and who you are.
- 6:39Erin Gray: So, you know, where are you seeking external validation?
- 6:42Erin Gray: Where is your attachment to certainty outside of yourself?
- 6:47Erin Gray: And when I say certainty, what I mean is not to the outcome, right?
- 6:51Erin Gray: We don't have certainty in the outcome, but we have to have certainty in who we are and that no matter what, we're gonna be okay.
- 6:59Erin Gray: I'm gonna be loving and kind to myself, I'm gonna take care of myself, I'm gonna trust God no matter what.
- 7:04Erin Gray: Like that's the certainty, the internal certainty, not the external certainty.
- 7:08Erin Gray: Where is this revealing your fears?
- 7:10Erin Gray: You know, where is this revealing some maybe of your coping mechanisms or the patterns that you typically go to when you are in the gap?
- 7:20Erin Gray: And you're not able to see this stuff.
- 7:22Erin Gray: Maybe sometimes you might, you know, when when you aren't in the gap.
- 7:25Erin Gray: But I think the gap really starts to show us what are some of those beliefs that we have about ourselves, what are those go-to, you know, like one of mine that still pops up is like there's something wrong with me.
- 7:36Erin Gray: Like that is an underlying belief that I keep coming back to.
- 7:40Erin Gray: And I have to, it's just like, you know, I just keep working on that belief at it at a new level.
- 7:45Erin Gray: So let's talk about how do we support ourselves while we're in the gap.
- 7:49Erin Gray: Like I think all of us as women, one of the things that our souls came here to do is to love ourselves at such a deeper level.
- 7:57Erin Gray: I think I don't think I've had any client yet, including myself, who hasn't had an interesting relationship with her mom.
- 8:04Erin Gray: And I think we are the first generation of women who are doing this for ourselves and then teaching it to our children as well.
- 8:12Erin Gray: Is this this sense of unconditional love for ourselves that no matter what, we're gonna be here for ourselves and we're gonna love ourselves and we're gonna support ourselves no matter what?
- 8:21Erin Gray: So, how do we support ourselves in the gap?
- 8:23Erin Gray: How do we get comfy?
- 8:24Erin Gray: How do we just like anchor in and settle down into it?
- 8:27Erin Gray: I think this is where we can slow down even more instead of speed up, right?
- 8:31Erin Gray: Instead of going to that fight or flight, how can we even slow down even more?
- 8:35Erin Gray: How can we take care of our nervous system and regulate it even more?
- 8:39Erin Gray: How can we ask different and discerning questions to understand what's going on and to see where we are maybe experiencing similar patterns or whatever that might be?
- 8:51Erin Gray: Where have we become maybe disconnected?
- 8:53Erin Gray: And so how can we support ourselves?
- 8:55Erin Gray: Maybe it's through prayer.
- 8:57Erin Gray: Maybe it's, you know, whatever your routine is with being connected with God, how can you take that relationship even deeper?
- 9:05Erin Gray: How can you create even a closer connection that you have with God?
- 9:09Erin Gray: How can you stay even more connected with your body and your intuition and not making fear-based decisions?
- 9:16Erin Gray: And that comes back to like slowing down, right?
- 9:18Erin Gray: Anytime that you are in a rush, we know that that is coming from the mind, it's coming from fear, it's not coming from certainty, unconditional love, and growth.
- 9:29Erin Gray: And also I, too, I think that when you start to ponder, and this can go back to like journaling as well as you can put this in your journal, but like remember the gaps that you've been in.
- 9:40Erin Gray: What was your process?
- 9:42Erin Gray: I think it's really important to kind of, you know, because awareness starts after the fact.
- 9:48Erin Gray: And then, you know, the more aware you become, it happens kind of in the middle of when the thing is actually happening.
- 9:53Erin Gray: And then your awareness can get to the place where before it even happens, like before you actually say what you want to say to your spouse, you shut your mouth and you actually think about what do you actually want to say.
- 10:03Erin Gray: And so that's where awareness happens.
- 10:04Erin Gray: And I think that the more that we can become aware of our patterns, of our processes, how do we support ourselves while we're in it?
- 10:13Erin Gray: So if you can recognize, oh, what did I do the last time that I was in the gap?
- 10:17Erin Gray: And how did I move through it?
- 10:18Erin Gray: And what was my process like?
- 10:20Erin Gray: And you know, even like I've even started to pay attention to like not necessarily how long, as in days, but a little bit of like how long did it take for that clarity to come for me to like when was I a little bit of wishy-washy?
- 10:35Erin Gray: And then how long did that wishy-washy take?
- 10:38Erin Gray: And then that I moved out of that, you know, things like that, just getting really specific with yourself to figure out so that when it does come up again, you have some things that you can go to.
- 10:49Erin Gray: So you're not having to, because I do think when we are in the gap and we're not aware, we are in, you know, an unregulated state.
- 10:57Erin Gray: And so when you can can get back to that regulated state and you can see, like, oh, okay, this is what I typically did.
- 11:04Erin Gray: I would outsource or I would, you know, text friends, but this time when I have that urge, I'm not gonna do it.
- 11:10Erin Gray: You know, just noticing what are those things that you go to so that when it comes time for the gap again, that you change your behavior.
- 11:18Erin Gray: And I think, like I said, I mean, this is our opportunity.
- 11:20Erin Gray: The gap is our opportunity to go deeper and have a deeper connection with God and with ourselves and to love ourselves even more, to get more intimate with ourselves, with our business, with our team.
- 11:34Erin Gray: Just like, how can we take this even deeper?
- 11:37Erin Gray: And I think that with the gap, like there is no.
- 11:39Erin Gray: I remember when I was in therapy when I was getting divorced from my first husband, and she told me, she was like, Erin, there's no getting around this, there's no skipping this, like the only way out is through.
- 11:50Erin Gray: And that always stuck with me.
- 11:51Erin Gray: And I feel like that this is the way that the gap is.
- 11:53Erin Gray: It's like this is the price that we are going to pay in order to have what we want.
- 11:58Erin Gray: Like the gap is part of the process.
- 12:00Erin Gray: So we might as well get comfy, we might as well embrace it, we might as well let it teach us what needs to be, what we need to learn while we are there.
- 12:09Erin Gray: Like there is no skipping, there is no going around or, you know, quickly going through it.
- 12:14Erin Gray: And I will say, if you do quickly go through it, you're gonna be back there learning it again because the lesson will continue to show up for us until we are ready to receive it and to transform it and to transcend it.
- 12:26Erin Gray: So think about over the next week, like when was the last time that you were in a gap?
- 12:31Erin Gray: What did it feel like?
- 12:32Erin Gray: What were the things that you were trying to do or to move away from so that you didn't have to feel it?
- 12:37Erin Gray: I remember I was telling a client we were talking about some of the changes that we were making in our business.
- 12:42Erin Gray: And she said, you know, Erin, this feels really hard.
- 12:46Erin Gray: And I said, it only feels hard right now.
- 12:48Erin Gray: Like, yes, I validated her.
- 12:49Erin Gray: I was like, yes, of course it does, right?
- 12:51Erin Gray: But the but the reason why it feels really hard is because we just haven't been accustomed and it we haven't yet anchored into like this is just part of the process.
- 13:01Erin Gray: If we were just to say, you know what, in order to get to where we're going, we're always going to have a gap.
- 13:06Erin Gray: Like, people don't talk about this part, right?
- 13:08Erin Gray: Like they talk about, oh, having the business that we want or the life that we want, but a lot of people aren't talking about like the gap.
- 13:14Erin Gray: Like this is where things are made.
- 13:17Erin Gray: This is where our soul transforms, or however you want to say it, that we become someone new.
- 13:22Erin Gray: It's like a snake shedding its skin.
- 13:25Erin Gray: Like this is the process.
- 13:27Erin Gray: And so if we can get really comfortable with being where we are here in the gap, like where we're going is like the cherry on top.
- 13:36Erin Gray: So think about this over the next week.
- 13:38Erin Gray: Think about what is your process that you are?
- 13:41Erin Gray: What do you do when you're in the gap?
- 13:43Erin Gray: What do you want to try to avoid or resist or move away from?
- 13:46Erin Gray: Or, you know, what are your go-tos that you try to do?
- 13:50Erin Gray: And then how do you want to support yourself moving forward?
- 13:53Erin Gray: So you know that the gap's gonna come again.
- 13:56Erin Gray: You know, anytime you want to up level in your business, anytime you're changing things within your team or your advisors, your marriage, your children, like it's just part of it.
- 14:05Erin Gray: So, what are the things that you want to do to support yourself so that you can be there for yourself when the gap comes again?
- 14:11Erin Gray: Okay, I will see you in the next episode.