Latest / The Inspired Speaker Network / The Power of Surrender: How to Let Go and Move Forward featuring Danielle Benzon

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The Power of Surrender: How to Let Go and Move Forward featuring Danielle Benzon · The Inspired Speaker Network

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You are listening to The Awakening Woman On The Rise.
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If you are a woman who is seeking to live a more authentic life,
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but are feeling not enough to step out fully just yet, you are in the right place.
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If you are a woman who is looking to live your personal truth
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and make the impact you truly desire, you are in the right place.
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I'm your host, Wendy Yacboski. Let's step out in this together.
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So welcome to session two, and I have a wonderful surprise for you.
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And that is that I am joined by a very good friend and colleague, Danielle Benzon.
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And we are discussing day-to-day topics that not only come up for us,
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but I bet they come up for you too.
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So I invite you to listen to each episode, see what sparks for you.
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And take it from there.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to the final and the last Wisdom Wednesdays with Wendy.
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I am so sad that this is coming to an end, but I have enjoyed these conversations so much.
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And Wendy, you're going to start us off with a quote today.
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I am because we are talking about surrender today.
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And I was reminded of a quote by Joseph Campbell, which I think is so powerful.
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And he said, we must be willing to let go of the life we planned
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so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
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You know, and I'm just going to jump straight into this here,
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because we've been building something.
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We've been building a podcast network.
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And I've been talking a lot to people about kind of doing before you're ready.
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And real is always so different from how we imagined it.
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But it's always so much better too.
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And I mean, in everything, not just in business, not just in projects.
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But when we imagine something, I don't think we can get the complexity that realness has.
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You know, when you imagine a perfect relationship,
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or you imagine your perfect home, or you imagine your perfect job,
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it's always kind of two-dimensional, even when it's perfect.
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You know, whereas reality, even though it comes with,
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you know, little failures and bits and bobs here and there,
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it's always so much better.
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And I don't just mean because it's real.
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I mean, it's better because it's more textured.
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It's more full.
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It's more, it's got more depth.
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You know what I mean?
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Yes, I do know what you mean.
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And something else that's popping into my mind right now
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is the difference between AI, naked, and us showing up as ourselves, right?
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So AI can perhaps give us a perfected idea of something.
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But if it doesn't have our heart and soul, then it has no impact.
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So being real is actually what has the impact
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because real people respond to that.
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You can't have empathy with something that doesn't have emotions, you know?
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And you can't facsimilate, facsimilate?
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Does that work?
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You can't replicate emotions.
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You can pretend, you can try, but it never works, you know?
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No.
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And that's the kind of difference between just letting yourself be
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and trying to show something.
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When I was in acting training, there was always this kind of,
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you know, you can tell the people who work from the outside in
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because they're trying to build something from observation.
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And it's always too general.
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It's always like really stereotypical.
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It's always kind of two-dimensional
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because human beings are so complex.
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It's impossible to replicate human behavior
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because we're so chaotic and we're so unpredictable
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and we're so weird that it is impossible.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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And when I think about how everything is energy,
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that's what I believe, that it takes energy to connect with energy.
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And in a way, when I think about surrender,
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it's not that it's a release of energy,
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but it is more inviting a greater energy.
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I'm reminded of how I used to believe
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that what surrender meant was the white flag.
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The white flag.
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Oh, like submission.
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Yeah, sort of like not just surrender,
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but giving up like we're done, like, you know, you win.
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Whereas I have a new meaning of surrender
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or certainly a new sense of surrender,
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which is where it's a win-win, not a win-lose.
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And it takes, surrender, I believe,
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takes going within to remember the truth of who we are
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and open to sort of what the next phase,
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the next chapter, the next step is.
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Yeah, well, I think it's kind of the opposite of control, right?
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Because control is like you're fighting your circumstances
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to try and create something else.
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I don't think of surrender as giving up or giving in.
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I think of it as going with the flow.
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You know, I'm not trying to fight anymore.
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I'm not building a dam, I'm building a raft
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and I'm gonna go down the river and see what happens.
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You know, hopefully I don't go in a waterfall.
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But I think of that like surrender is more about
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kind of going, okay, what is, is.
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And like radically accepting that
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and not saying that it's, not excusing things that aren't okay.
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But accepting that this is where we are.
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This is where I am in this moment.
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If I want to change it, I can change it.
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But I have to be where I am first.
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And then I can maybe find a path of least resistance to change
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because sometimes, you know, the combative isn't always the best way.
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Yeah, yeah, for sure.
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Exactly.
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Yeah, it's definitely not usually the best way
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because in combat or in combativeness,
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I know that for myself, I tend to retreat.
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I retreat back to where I felt most safe, which inside,
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which doesn't necessarily mean it's my highest self or my greatest self.
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Sometimes it's a protective self, you know.
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And yeah, it's, I agree with you that a true surrender,
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the way I'm hearing what you're saying is more of an opening.
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You know, when I think of spiritually speaking,
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I remember when I used to, and fill in the word God, spirit,
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whatever is right for you and anyone listening.
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But to surrender to that felt like I didn't have my own life anymore.
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That means I needed to listen to this voice that knows everything,
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is everywhere, and all that.
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And I'm just so grateful that we can grow and change, Danielle,
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and that we can look at what we have believed
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and certainly find our way to new beliefs,
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because I don't believe that about spiritually surrendering in that way anymore.
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Like, to me, I feel like my, you know, how can I put this?
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That I only know, really, truly know my past and my present,
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what I perceive about my present.
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But in surrender, if I believe that there is a higher intelligence, which I do,
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that I can be more informed.
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And then I'm at choice as to whether I'm ready,
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whether I want to, and I don't believe there's judgment either,
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or whether I move into it and see how it goes, you know.
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So, surrender is becoming a beautiful thing that I'm trusting more and more.
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Yeah, I don't think of myself as particularly spiritual,
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but I do kind of think of like ego versus, I don't know, like presence?
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Or just, you know, feeling more in tune and less self-conscious.
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And I do feel that in that kind of surrender state, my ego is less active.
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I'm less like, I'm trying to do this thing, you know.
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It's less that and more, it's almost like a flow state for me.
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And the more present I am, the more I feel like I'm surrendering
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to reality, you know.
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And it's not that I don't have agency.
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I feel like I have a lot of agency, but it's almost that kind of like,
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you know, that, you know, it's like a dance with what's going on.
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Instead of kind of going, you will do this, I will move this.
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It becomes, flow is the only word I've got.
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I'm afraid it's kind of overused.
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But I do feel very much that kind of, you know, everything is more fluid
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and there's enough time for everything.
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And you can dodge the things you need to dodge
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and you can do the things you want to do.
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And it's almost like time slows down and I get to be super present and super aware.
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And not aware so much of the past or the future,
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but just right now in this moment, I guess.
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Yeah.
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And for me, that's the more I, I think I confuse sometimes
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presence and surrender for myself.
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Oh, interesting.
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They are different things.
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Sometimes I think of them as the same thing.
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You know, Danielle, that's brilliant.
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You brilliant girl.
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You know, but seriously, the truth is,
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we do need to surrender to be present.
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We have to surrender what was before, what might be after.
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We do.
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I think that's brilliant what you just said.
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What we decided was going to happen.
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What we played out in our heads beforehand.
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What we want so and so to feel or think or say.
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And I think that's, that's also, it's a wonderful way to be
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and like in relationship as well.
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Because instead of making a decision about how someone else is feeling
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or what, what they're saying means before,
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before you even start the argument, you get to be more present
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and really listen and really kind of deal with what's actually there.
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Which is not the same as not attachments, but they're all kind of linked together.
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And I think, I think it's very important to not fight reality.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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Yeah, yeah, it's true.
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So when you say reality, Danielle, are you saying what is,
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is that what you mean by reality?
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Yeah, that's what I mean by reality.
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I mean, like, if I'm, if I want something to be,
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if I want someone to feel a certain way and they don't,
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or if I want, I want it to be sunny and it's raining.
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And me getting upset about it isn't going to change anything.
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I'm not going to make the clouds part because I'm having a little temper tantrum.
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As much as I wish I could.
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Yeah, that's right.
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It's been done before.
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Nevermind.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, not, not the reality I've made in my head,
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not stories, but just kind of, you know, what is.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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And you know, I, I know that, that I've spoken in my podcast before
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about being willing to question what we've believed up until now.
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So when you think of surrender in terms of podcasting, Danielle,
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do you have a thought about that?
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Well, it's that whole one take thing, right?
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That's a surrender.
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All right.
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It's just going to do it.
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You're just going to do everything in one take.
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And if I mess up, I mess up.
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And if I say the wrong thing, I say the wrong thing that,
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I mean, that is a form of surrender for sure.
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Allowing things to be imperfect.
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You know, I have my standards, my standards exist.
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I usually don't reach them.
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That's okay.
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Growing into them, you know, and yeah, that kind of surrendering to.
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Letting go, not really surrendering, but so much letting go of my.
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It is, it's my ego.
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You know, I want things to be a certain way.
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I want things to be perfect and they're not.
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And that's okay.
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In fact, imperfection is one of my values.
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So I do have this very funny little, little war going on inside of me because my ego wants
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everything to be perfect, but my values are like, imperfection is really important to you.
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I'm like, yeah, I know, but can I just be perfect and still value imperfection?
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And the answer is no, I can't.
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You know, Danielle, something that.
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I really appreciate and respect about you is.
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Again, sayings in my mind, just come and go.
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But this saying is shoot for the stars and you'll, you'll get to the moon, right?
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And that's what I see you doing.
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Like with the podcasting, you know, you're shooting for the stars and.
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You know, it doesn't mean it's, it's a failure if we're at a moon phase.
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Do you know what I'm saying?
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And, and I'd really.
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You know, that is a form of surrender in a way that I would like to support people to,
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to go for the best that they can imagine or that they desire.
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Even though there might be a thought that says.
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Or a reminder of someone saying you'll never get there.
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Don't shoot that high.
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Yeah, but, but to actually do it because we don't know what's possible until we actually try.
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We don't really know very much at all.
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And that is something that I've had to learn because, because I do have such high standards.
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And because I, I did used to think very much in black and white.
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Learning to kind of allow myself little stations on the way.
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Instead of shooting for the stars.
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And because, you know, you could just land in the black somewhere and that would be terrible.
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Thinking of maybe more like climbing a mountain and having all these little camps along the way.
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So it's not like I either reached the peak or I died.
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So that's how I used to do things.
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It was all or nothing.
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And some of my projects would crash and burn because I didn't plan.
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Kind of minimum viable products.
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So I didn't go, I didn't allow myself to accept that failure might be an option.
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And now I do.
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And that's much easier because it used to be if I don't get the perfect thing,
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everything crashes and burns and it was all useless, which is a horrible way to learn.
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And I've, I've ruined some relationships that way.
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And I've definitely learned some projects that way.
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But learning to kind of go, okay, well, this is what I want.
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What have we got halfway there?
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What would that look like?
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What if we only got a quarter of the way?
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What would that look like?
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And what are all those little milestones and stepping stones on the way?
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So we can reevaluate, you know, when we're halfway to the finish line,
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we can stop and reevaluate and go, okay, is it realistic to get to the finish line?
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Or what about, what about three quarters of the way?
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Could we aim for that instead?
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And just constantly kind of allowing, I don't want to say like failed things,
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but allowing your success to happen in stages
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so that you don't have to do a hundred percent the first time.
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And then any little increments is enough because it never used to be that way.
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And I hurt myself and other people very badly because of that.
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And because of that kind of black and white thinking.
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So I'm very glad I'm thinking stages now.
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I'm not quite sure when that changed.
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I think I started thinking about minimum viable products and kind of going, okay,
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best case scenario, worst case scenario.
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Like what is my absolute lowest bar?
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That helps.
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You know, it really makes a difference.
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Yeah.
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And something that's popping up for me in all this
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is about the Phoenix rising from the ashes.
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I used to believe that it had to be pretty fatal before the Phoenix arose from the ashes.
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But what if the Phoenix is always arising from the ashes when we don't stop?
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I love this.
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Like the dawn of a new day.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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Oh, I love that.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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What if every time we stop, it's a little stop.
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And every time we start again, it's a new beginning.
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I love that.
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Yeah.
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And the only way, again, that we're going to know that that's true
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is by allowing ourselves to go the distance and have it be where it is.
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And then like surrendering and then opening to something new again.
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Mm hmm.
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And allowing yourself to celebrate your small successes, too.
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Because if it's all or nothing, you don't measure, right?
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You're not measuring all the steps all the way there.
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You're like, I either climbed the mountain or I didn't.
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Instead of, I did 10 steps today.
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Was only 10 steps, but I did 10 steps further than I was yesterday.
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You know, I did one step today, or I did 20 steps.
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Whatever it is.
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You know, acknowledging how far we've come, we're very good at deleting our successes,
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deleting our progress and only looking forward.
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And I think that can be very, very dangerous.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I totally agree.
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And I can totally relate to, you know, oh, my God.
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I remember when I read a book, the name of which I'm not recalling right now.
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But it said, you know, a shift can be like, let's just use physical exercise as an example
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or fitness as an example.
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Even if you do one sit up, as an example, in the evening, and then increase it by one.
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I think it was something about 1%, you know, increasing by 1%.
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Yeah, that it can make all the difference.
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But if we don't do anything on some level, these are my words now, psychologically, it
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diminishes us.
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When we do not even one thing, it will diminish us because there's that part of us that says,
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you're not doing a darn thing.
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Like, hello, you know, but even one says, I'm taking a step forward.
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You know, and yeah, and, you know, it maybe it doesn't take what we think that it does
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to build success.
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Yeah.
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I think we like to do it in the flashy way.
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You know, oh, lots of fireworks.
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We're gonna do it all at once.
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It's gonna be the big deal.
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Whereas really, it's more of the slog.
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It's the everyday when you don't feel like it, just doing something.
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I'm having to really, I'm having to really embrace that at the moment myself.
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I keep coming into all these obstacles.
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And I'm like, you know what?
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As long as I do something, if I do something every day, I'm not getting everything that
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I want to get done, done.
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I'm letting people down still.
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But if I could just keep moving forward, eventually, I'll get there.
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And it's not going to be tomorrow.
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And it may not be next week.
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But eventually, I'll get there.
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And it's slow.
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And it's painful.
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But I think it's very easy.
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And it's very sexy to kind of push yourself for a short amount of time.
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But that's not consistent.
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And then what after that, you know?
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Consistency is something that I've had to learn.
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Yeah.
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Consistency.
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Well, you know, something that I'm thinking about, you know, in terms of surrendering
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is surrendering to our humanity.
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But knowing that we also have high parts, you know?
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Like we also have things that are really good.
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And one thing, I've never been in the position that you are, Danielle, in business up until
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now.
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But one thing I've learned is that when I am feeling like I'm not showing up in life
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the way that I think I should or the way that I want to, when I keep in touch with
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people, you know, when I don't, because I used to, whenever I would make a mistake,
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let's just say if I was learning to do something, whether it was singing a song or playing the
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piano, I would go right back to the beginning.
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Right back to the beginning.
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The whole thing had to happen all again.
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But what I'm realizing is that, so I used to retreat.
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Again, I guess maybe that's something I used to do a lot.
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Because I felt bad about myself, I would hide.
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Hide from others.
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But what I've noticed, especially about you, and if I can just say working with you, you
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are always keeping all of us up to snuff on what's happening.
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You're not, you know, feeling so ashamed that you can't admit that things aren't going the
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way that you would really like them to go and is really your bar.
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And I mean this not only for you, Danielle, but for other people, it happens.
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So, you know, I can only tell you as an example, it warms my heart that you are still in touch
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with us.
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And, you know, when things aren't quite perfect, as you might say.
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You know why?
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Because to me, it's trust building.
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It gives credibility.
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None of us is perfect.
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None of us is perfect.
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But hiding from others in shame, I'm, of course, speaking for myself, but hiding from others
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in shame for being imperfect, nobody's winning.
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Nobody's.
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You know, that's so important for me to hear because, and this is where increments really
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come in, I think, because consistency is still something I'm very much learning how to build.
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And I also, I hide.
25:01
I very much kind of elastic band, socially, especially.
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Uh, and it's funny, it's just funny to me because I have been hiding a lot, but not
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from you guys.
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So I've gotten to the point that my business where if I have an existing relationship with
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a client, I can stay in touch with them.
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But like my social media and people that I don't know very well and all that kind of
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stuff, I, that kind of stuff is so high from.
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So it's just so interesting that there's, for me, there's layers of intimacy and I used
25:37
to hide from everybody.
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And now I have like my very intimate social circle.
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And then I have kind of like my intimate client circle.
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And then that's kind of where I'm able to not hide at the moment.
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But then I also have my not intimate client circle, which I do still hide from sometimes.
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And then like the public circle, which I very much hide from a lot.
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So it's just, it's interesting.
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It is, it's, it's building incrementally.
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Like I'm, I'm building my capacity.
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I used to disappear for months and then come back.
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And I still do that, but only on, only on the top layers now, instead of all of the
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layers.
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So, you know, that's, I really like hearing that because that makes me think maybe it's
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possible to get to that point with everybody.
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Wouldn't that be amazing?
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Wouldn't it be great to just show up in my life all the time?
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That would be like, really?
26:31
Yeah, exactly.
26:33
Yeah.
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And I really appreciate you sharing that, Danielle, because to me, you know, I was
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thinking about the credibility and trust I feel with you when that happens.
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But it sounds like there's also a credibility and trust in you, for you that happens as
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a result of keeping showing up in the best ways that you possibly can so that nobody's
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thinking, where's Wendy?
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Where's Danielle?
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Where's, you know, and like, oh my God, have they left me?
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You know, kind of thing.
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And it's, you know, and it's, it's not the, I think this is such an important thing to,
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to keep showing up as much as we can, because we're all human.
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We're all human.
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And it is shame, I think.
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Um, for me, it's, it's shame because, you know, I'm aware that I have so many emails
27:30
in my inbox that I haven't responded to.
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And I'm aware that I have so many emails in my LinkedIn and my Facebook that I haven't
27:36
responded to.
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And I don't want to post until I've responded to them because I feel like that's rude, you
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know, just to kind of be like, hey, I'm here when it happens, you know, and so there's,
27:48
there's so much going on there around politeness and around respect and around shame.
27:54
And I don't have the answer yet.
27:58
But it's something that I find interesting about myself.
28:04
And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
28:07
I think a lot of people feel this way, so.
28:09
No, no, but it's really about.
28:13
At it.
28:14
Yeah, well, exactly what I was going to say, not only keep at it, but make sure that the
28:19
people that we're with the most, where we have that control is the people that know the
28:27
truth of who we are and accept that, that they are human also, so they can have some
28:32
compassion for when others in our circle are, are human.
28:37
And, and the, you know, every moment, honest to God is a new moment.
28:45
Every moment we can choose again, if we're willing, if we're willing to surrender the
28:51
previous moments and any decisions we're going to make when we're willing to surrender
28:57
to now is a new moment.
28:59
I have a choice.
29:02
What will it be right now?
29:06
Oh, Wendy, that's so beautiful.
29:08
I think that's such a beautiful way to end this because letting go of all of the heaviness
29:14
and the garbage and the like, the catching up of the past, letting all of that go.
29:20
Letting yourself be here.
29:22
Letting yourself be present.
29:25
Saying goodbye to Wednesday, Wednesday, wisdom, whatever.
29:32
Wednesdays with Wendy, say goodbye to that and hello to a new season because this is
29:40
the end of our season together.
29:43
Yes, that's right.
29:44
And, um, and also appreciating and kind of waiting expectantly to see what that new beautiful
29:51
Phoenix will be as these flames die down and these ashes cool to see what comes next and
30:00
how exciting that will be and not ruining what comes next by comparing it to what was,
30:04
but just allowing every moment to be its own beautiful self.
30:09
Do you have any final wishes for our listeners?
30:13
I think it's just the wish that each one can build their confidence in looking at something
30:22
that they've believed before that is really actually not working for them and know that
30:30
there is, um, there's another, there's another belief.
30:34
There's another way.
30:35
There's another opportunity and to just keep opening.
30:39
Yeah.
30:42
And surrender to what is so that you can so that you can implement whatever change that
30:49
you want and you can actually start to grow into what you want to be because you will
30:54
never get where you want to go through denial.
30:59
It'll never get.
31:00
Yes.
31:01
So embrace reality.
31:05
Let your, let yourself be human and messy and infallible and move from there because it
31:16
is a beautiful place to be.
31:17
And thank you.
31:19
Thank you for these amazing episodes.
31:22
This has been such a joy, such a, such a rich experience for me.
31:29
Thank you so much.
31:30
You too, Danielle.
31:32
You too.
31:33
I'll see you soon.
31:35
See you soon.