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Healing Takes Time Part 2 · 4 The Exchange

• Alfred: What's going on? It's Mr. Big Bite himself, Gofredo. And listen, we got my partner here, Kev. And look, wait a minute. Who is that? That looked like the fourth member of the crew, Layla Dow. What's going on? How you feeling, Pat? LayTheDon: How y'all doing? How y'all doing? Great to be here. Alfred: Chillin', chillin', chillin', chillin', chillin'. Just to let y'all know, I'll you know, third member slash other fourth member. Kobe couldn't be here today. Work schedules got tightened up. But listen, y'all know the show don't stop. And we got Layla Dyne here. So, man, let's let's let's just dive right into it. Layla Dye, listen. This is Hillin' Takes Time, part two, because we got so much good feedback. So let's ask you the same question we started with. What's your viewpoints on relationships in 2026? Let's get into it. LayTheDon: Whew alright. So Alfred: Yeah. LayTheDon: relationship twenty tw you wanna talk about it, we're gonna talk about it. I think relationships is different depending on Alfred: That's what the people wanna know? LayTheDon: I think relationships is different depending on the age range. It depends on what age you in in life. With with with like the older generation found love a little harder because we want somebody younger but all the younger ones. on their BS. Then the young ones, they too soft. So it's just like depending on the generation, i i it don't work the same as it used to. Like we we used to the old school, you know, you go out to the club, you find a you know, a nice joint, whatever. Now Tinder is where it's at right now. That's what it seemed like to me. Tinder Tinder is popping. Alfred: Online dating is going is in a whole new different era right now. Whole new different era. Now wait, now let me ask you this. So yeah, when you said something that that I want us to dive into more, because we we didn't get to talk about this on last episode, but I'm I'm loving the female perspective of what you're saying. You said like the age gap is different. So you think older's going for young and young going for older, like you think that people not even standing in the same age group now? LayTheDon: Absolutely. So it's like the older women I mean the younger women are looking for older men. The older men looking for younger women, but the younger women it i it the younger men, they want the older wom the older women and then the older women they just want something to t to sh be by their side basically. It ain't nothing too crazy. So like it's like for example my situation, I got fifteen years on mine. Fifteen years. Don't don't don't don't judge me. Don't judge me. But I Alfred: Yeah. LayTheDon: got 'cause we got fifteen years on it, but I'm loving it here. But I definitely know that if I was to try to go with somebody around my age, I'm not gonna like it. It it ain't it don't hit the same. Like, Kevin: Thank you. LayTheDon: as I'm slowly approaching thirty, don't As I'm slowly approaching thirty, I realize don't Alfred: Hey, what'd he say? Bam! LayTheDon: do t don't don't do too much. as I'm slowly approaching thirty, I realize like nothing under thirty pretty much impresses me. So it's just like Alfred: Mm. LayTheDon: me being young, I need something older. Kevin: Talk to him, Monty. Talk to him. LayTheDon: Clock Kevin: I LayTheDon: it. Anyway. But Alfred: Ha ha. LayTheDon: Yeah, no, it's just it's it's this generational guy with all the young people trying to go after the old ones, the old ones want the young ones, but like it's everybody's in this different mind frame of love that like it it don't hit the same like a you two back in the day. Nowadays you gotta you really gotta actually try hard. I told you tend to be popping. Alfred: So you so you do you think that from your perspective and you being in a relationship with somebody older than you, and I've known you for years now, so I know that you always gone for somebody older than you. Is it is it a ma maturity thing that you think that when you talking to a guy around your age or maybe younger than you, is it like a maturity thing that you shoot for? Is that what it is? LayTheDon: At first, yes. But I learned a lot of these mature dudes or mature people in general are stuck in their ways and they don't necessarily change with the times. That's where I fought this. Now, as far as my perspective, my mom, my dad, my brothers, we all have all been we older women. Every woman my dad has been with has been older. Every woman or man my mom has been with has been older. So it's I think for me it was more of like a I was following their footsteps. But apparently I originally I was looking for the maturity, but sometimes the maturity ain't what you expect it to be at that old age. But that's usually what you looking for. Alfred: Mm. So you just LayTheDon: But you gotta think about when you get st when you start getting up to like the millennials and, you know, the older generation, they didn't live their whole life, so they got stuck in their ways. And it's kinda hard to turn tell a forty, fifty year old, like, Hey, I need you to change. Alfred: Mm-mm. They've been the same way for forty, fifty years. That's kinda that's kinda hard. That's kinda Kevin: Yeah. LayTheDon: Yeah, it's a little so hard to do that. Just just a little bit. So so you gotta it's it's just when you start Alfred: Doesn't have it all right. LayTheDon: when you go start dating into ages that are a little older than you and you understand that the generations Alfred: Mm-hmm. LayTheDon: are different, you gotta learn how to actually adapt and that's what I've had to do as far as like me dating an older person, learning to adapt actually helps. Whether you're dating a younger person or older person, that age gap, learning to adapt is where it has to come into play. Like you gotta be able to give have a give and take in regards to what you want to change, what you want them for them to change and what you want them to change for you forward to work basically. Otherwise y'all gonna be in this never Alfred: It sounds like patience is key. LayTheDon: ending a tsh hold on. I need a drink for that one. Kevin: Heh. Alfred: Hey boy. LayTheDon: You ain't never lied on that one. You ain't never lied on that one. Alfred: That's what hey look, that's what it from from you talking and everything that you're saying, it sounds like patience take key for but I think it's from like you said, it's from both parties. I think it's from the older person understanding that the younger person hasn't gone through the same life experience as you have. And so it's gonna take time for them to get that. But also for the older person that that, you know, like you say, stuck in their ways to what to a certain extent, gotta change for their partner that they, you know, they seek and that's younger. So I'm I'm agreeing with you. I think I LayTheDon: Mm-hmm. Alfred: think patience and any relationships take key. But at the same time, definitely when there's an age gap, patience and communication is two of the big, you know, two big, two big stars for me, if I'm being honest. Those are two main ones in my Kevin: Okay. LayTheDon: Yeah. Alfred: opinion, when there's an age gap. But hey, before before we, you know, Kira, before we have you clock in, we gotta Kevin: Thank Alfred: ask her. It's only right, right? That we asked her if she healed. We got to ask our question, Kevin: yeah, yeah. Alfred: so it's only right. LayTheDon: Hold on. Alfred: Hey, what Kobe say on a scale of one to a hundred, cause bro went from I thought it was one to ten, bro went to one to So the scale of one to Kevin: What's 100? Alfred: one to a hundred. How he'll die you, cut. Talk to the people. Let them know. Take your time, take your time. LayTheDon: Alright, so this gonna sound bad. This gonna sound bad. I'm not I I can honestly say I've never Alfred: here you go. Let's run into the LayTheDon: been quote unquote broken. Kevin: Take another sip if you need one. LayTheDon: I've never been broken. Broken I'm the gotta heal from. Let me talk about it. I'm gonna talk about it. This is what mean. Alfred: hold on. Now I need to share it. Let's talk let's talk about it. Let's talk and Kev, let's talk about it, man. Let's talk. Let's LayTheDon: I'm not I'm not exactly the one that needs healed. I'm the one you gotta heal from. That's that's that's that's what it comes down to. So I don't want them people where like, yes, I'm a female, I can offer female perspective, but I've also grown up with a bunch of men. And I do have that male insight as well as a female insight. So I'ma act like a lady, but I'ma think like a man. In a sense, I'm one of them people where like things ain't going right, I'ma cut you off. Things ain't Alfred: Come on now. Now she on her Kevin Hart Steve Harvey stuff. Now she Kevin: Thanks. LayTheDon: going right, I'ma I'ma cut you off. I'ma Alfred: Yeah, okay. LayTheDon: ghost you. I'ma disappear do my own thing. I'm one of people that like to set things straight in the beginning of said situation. And if I don't like the situation, I'm a dip. I'm not doing all that extra. Alfred: Okay. LayTheDon: Now And that's how I was in the past. That's how I was in the past. Even though I've matured as the w you know, as they say, or whatever. And I do know that there was Alfred: Mature, okay, okay. LayTheDon: a one point in my life where I did have to relearn what's the word I'm looking for. I had to relearn commitment because after my last relationship, you know, my last relationship was five years, eleven months. To me, I'm not gonna say that it was a waste, but for some reason I feel like deep down it was a waste and it did mess up my commitment issues for a while, to the point where I feel like I after my last relationship, it was just situations. for physical that was it. That's all it was. I wanted for the love. I wanted for the relationships. I won for none of that. So a lot of times, you know, I'm I'm out here I'm not gonna say I was lying to dudes. I actually was working. But a lot of men that I was talking to always thought I worked twenty four seven 'cause I wasn't committing to nothing. Alfred: Kev, hold on. So we got a little technical technical difficulties on Lay side. Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: But listen, Lay hilarious. I want you to know that Lay is hilarious. I've known her since I've known her a long time since college as well. Man, my homegirl had I'm gonna let her tell her saddle story when she comes on. I'm gonna let that's her story to tell how she used to play the game and whatnot. But she definitely I I love her perspective of what she's saying. Kevin: Hmm Alfred: We had some issues with her with her camera. So once she gets back on, I definitely wanna we definitely get a number. We definitely gonna get a number on how hill she is. But I'm I'm I I what you Kevin: yeah, yeah, yeah. Alfred: but let me ask you, Kev, while she's getting herself situated, what do you what's your thoughts on her perspective when she's saying like, you know, older older dating young, being patient? Like what's your thoughts on what she said? Kevin: You know, I agree with what she was saying. It's funny. Like I thought about it. Like at this age, could I date someone 10 years younger than me? Probably not. Probably not. And I say Alfred: Mm-hmm. Kevin: that because, so I ain't gonna say how old I am, I ain't gonna say how old I am. But if I'm dating someone, now I'm dating somebody in their early 20s, I'm not doing what somebody in their early 20s is doing. Alfred: Mm-mm. Kevin: I got, you know what saying? It's like, I got a career, business, stuff like that. I don't party like that. You know what I'm saying? They just able, you just able to walk in the bar, you not somebody. Alfred: Come on now. Kevin: wanna hang it like that. That's just, you know, cause I don't even go to the bar like that. That's my thing. You gonna be wanting to do that all the time. Yeah, no, that's not for me. Alfred: And and look, you wanna be honest Kevin: Friday night, Alfred: with you? Kevin: I'm going to bed, bro. Friday night, I'm going to bed. That's tight time, I'll be your old man. Alfred: Yeah. He Kevin: You know what saying? You get older and you're like, won't go out no more like that. Not late night, you be like, let me get a brunch. You know I'm saying? Happy hour, something like that. You know I mean? Alfred: Hey boy, a Sunday brunch do numbers. A Sunday brunch do numbers. Hey, you wanna Kevin: That late night? Nah, I'm cool. Alfred: be honest with you, bro? I I've I've I've I've thought about that, and I know me and you had this conversation before and we got we got later done back. though maybe, maybe, we gon We're gonna see. I'm finna cut up on her too. Tell her to pay her Wi-Fi bill. Kevin: She ran a minute. Alfred: Hey look, hey look Hey hey look y'all this is what happened when you're using your neighbor's wi fi This is what happened when you use your neighbor Wi-Fi Kevin: Let's get back. Alfred: Yeah. Hey Hey, we got it back, we got it back. See look y'all, this is what happened when you use your neighbor's wifi. This is what happened, y'all. LayTheDon: Wow. Alfred: But no, but LayTheDon: You're wilding. Alfred: but no, no, let me stop playing. before we let you down back here like what Kev was saying was the basically the same thing. Like I was asking him his perspective on like his views of Dayton Dayton younger or from his age. And he was just saying, like, you know, it's a little bit harder because he's not living the same lifestyle they're living. And I ain't gonna lie to you, I agree with that. Because it's almost like it's almost like you you taking a gamble. Because we also know it's an exception to the rules. You know, Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: not all twenty two, twenty-three, twenty-one year olds like to go out and party and everything like that. But at the same Kevin: Sure. Alfred: time, it's almost it's also like you taking a chance on that. Like you taking a chance on trying to find that and whatnot. So it's like Kevin: Yeah, right, right, right. Alfred: t I think at at our where where we're at in our age length, age length where we're at in our age gap, it's more to me it's more older. for us that it is younger because where we're at and then like we also did the partying, the going out to the club, staying up until three, four in the morning and going to work at six and whatnot, rolling into work after partying at the bar. Like we all know that experience. So it's Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: just like like Kev said, like I I you know, I could do it, but like consistently like I once did, nah. It ain't even and I feel Kevin: Mm. Alfred: like I probably could do it consistently, but at the same time I don't really feel like it, to be honest with you. Like Hey man, listen, I ain't gonna lie to y'all. I don't care what age you is, a good nap. Listen to me, a good nap do wonders. A good nap do wonders. Kevin: But listen, it's crazy. LayTheDon: Yeah, I'm at that age. I'm at that age where if I don't take a nap before we go out, and Alfred: Come now. LayTheDon: you don't remind me that we going and you Kevin: or he have LayTheDon: don't remind me that we going out, I ain't going out. Alfred: We ain't going. We ain't going out. Hey, listen. If you tell me, Hey Freder, we're going out to have drinks, be ready by ten. What time? Hey man, you ain't got nothing sooner. You ain't trying LayTheDon: If you don't text me by 9 30 to remind me that we're going out at 10, they ain't going out at 10. That's how that works. Alfred: Come on now. Come on now. Come on now. I Kevin: Thank Listen, Alfred: still pop out where it once in a while. Kevin: you know how many fits I don't waste it? I'm sitting there waiting, I'm sitting on the couch with the fit on ready to go walk out the door. Alfred: Hey look y'all, we ain't gonna make we ain't gonna make it sound like we old in here, but you know, a good nap do numbers. LayTheDon: Edu, Edu. Alfred: So late, let's let's let's let' a care was talking once you got back. We wanna hear a number. Miss Miss you need to get healed from me. what is your heel number? Cause you was you was talking crazy in the in the in the in the Kevin: Okay. Alfred: she was texting me crazy talking about I ain't a honey. So I wanna know where she is. LayTheDon: I said I may never had a unheeled moment. Like it it's I've been the person you had to heal from, basically. Like I'm not the type of person that, you know, is gonna put myself too inve emotionally invested or anything into you unless I really, really like you. And if I if if I feel like it ain't working, I'm just gonna cut you off. I'm gonna disappear. I'm gonna go do me. Alfred: Mm. I'll give you that. That's true. You've been like that for since we since I met you in college. That's true. Kevin: feel that, but what would... LayTheDon: So like like I said, the the longest relationship I was in was four years, eleven months. And like you held up the line for four years, eleven months. I could have been living my best life out there. You know, that was my early twenties. Like what we talk about? Alfred: Hey, she said that man held the line though. Kevin: Right. me ask you this though. Let me ask you this. What would the men that dated you say about you being healed? LayTheDon: so Kevin: What would the men say? What would the men say? I got your perspective. What would the men say? LayTheDon: okay. So Alfred: Ooh. LayTheDon: the men would use the word toxic. Alfred: There we go, here we go. There now we finna get good. I'm finna take a sip. Go here. LayTheDon: But their form of toxic is not toxic. Kevin: That's it. LayTheDon: Just cause I like to do my own thing. I like to pay for my own stuff. I don't really like to ask for help for anything. I don't need your money. I got my own everything. Like me being so freaking independent seems to be threatening to them. So most men feel threatened by my independency and then all of a sudden now it's a problem. When I tell you, no, I don't need you to do X, Y, Z for me, I can do it myself. They think, I'm just, I'm just being an A-ho. And I'm just like, no, I I don't need you. I don't want you to ever think that I need you for anything. And then when you start feeling like I need you for something that bad, I'm just gonna kick you to the curve and I'm gonna show you that why I didn't need you. Alfred: Mm. So LayTheDon: It's one of them type situations. Alfred: you know what it sounded like to me, Kev, when we had our conversation about masculine and feminine women. I've known Lei for a Kevin: I was just about to say that. Alfred: Yeah, I've known Lei for a long time. She's definitely a masculine woman for sure. She's definitely standing and I look, I'm a living witness. She's definitely standing ten toes on what she just said. Like she's I've I've I've seen firsthand. Kevin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. LayTheDon: Now am I trying, I'm trying, I'm really, really trying hard to get in my princess era. Like I'm really, really trying hard. But it's easier to say, I got it. And it it be messing me up. It'd be messing me up so bad. Alfred: Well let me ask you this 'cause K Let me ask you this though, Late, from a from a 'cause I'm I'm I'm so happy that you were able to you know, tune not tune in but come in on this episode because Kev said something very interesting last week and he was saying that the reason that may be is because we don't have us as men for the majority standpoint that women feel like men are leading as if it was when we were kids. To assist do you think that plays a role in You being the way you are with it? Or like do you think that you kinda always been this way? Or was it you kinda like tried to be feminine to certain men's and they just didn't they just wasn't hitting the bell? Like they wasn't leading the way you wanted them to lead. Like what what was it that kind of steered you to this to this way? LayTheDon: I'm a okay, I'm a this is my personal experience. I don't know about nobody else, but I am Alfred: That's what that's all we ask it. That's all we ask it. LayTheDon: but I am the oldest child in my family of six, and I am the only girl in a family of six with six other boys. So I've had to be the mom, Alfred: Mm. Six? LayTheDon: I've had to be auntie, I've had to be nurse, I've had to be part time teacher, I had to be babysitter, like I've always been in that leadership role where I had to take care of other people. So now Alfred: Mm. LayTheDon: me being older, that's just that's what I'm I'm tuned to do. I've never been told to I've never been tuned to like ask for help. I've always been taught how to get it on my own. I've been like I've always been brought Kevin: Thank LayTheDon: up learning how to be independent. So I don't have to ask anybody for help. So now like if someone offers me help now, I'm honest with you, my my brain don't work. I I don't know how that I don't know how that works. Like I don't I Alfred: Yeah. LayTheDon: don't know what I'm supposed to do with help. Like it don't be it don't be registered. So like Yeah, I've had issues in the past where like dudes were like were offered me like I probably could have a hell of a lot of bills paid in my lifetime had I just said, Yeah, you could do that. But for something in me, it's like somebody doing something for me, I take that as they not doing it for the benefit of hell of me, they doing it for the benefit of t to tell everybody else, yeah, you did this for Lay. And I don't want anybody to ever feel like, yeah, I don't Alfred: you flip it. okay. LayTheDon: Yeah, I don't want ever anybody to be like, Well, I did this X, Y, Z for you. I nobody can't say that 'cause Lay did everything herself. So like when I go into a relationship with someone who's generally Kevin: Thank you. LayTheDon: trying to help me or generally want to be, you know, half of whatever I got going on, I gotta be able to step back and be like, You can definitely help me and actually allow him to, you know, be the man that he wants to be towards me and like, you know, be my protector, be my my Whatever you wanna call it, my my husband, my boyfriend, my protector, my leader. I gotta actually step back and let him actually do that and not try to put myself and be like, I got it, because I got it. It's Kevin: Thank LayTheDon: my favorite freaking phrase, apparently. Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: Yeah, I g I give you two you actually hit some really you actually hit some really good points to be honest with you that it definitely sounded like from from what it hears for me and I'm gonna let Kev chime in and see what he thinks, but to me it was like so has it it sounded like it's been opportunities where guys have like, you know, maybe in the past like looked out for you and then tried to throw it back in your face that they did look out for you. Or or Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: was it just is it 'cause it has it been certain situations where that happened? To where it's just like Maybe and I'm not saying a lot. It could've just been one time. Sometimes one time is enough for me. LayTheDon: There is there there hasn't there hasn't been there's been one situation where someone claimed he did something for me. Kevin: Mm-hmm. LayTheDon: but it it it didn't benefit me for what he did for me, it benefited him basically. but it's also it's more Alfred: That's another one. LayTheDon: of the it it it's more of guys promising or saying, Hey, I'ma do this for you, I'm gonna do this for you, and then never actually doing it. That Alfred: Mm. LayTheDon: Also pisses me off so much. Like, don't make a promise, don't tell me you're gonna do X, Y, and Z, and then it never gets done after you told me you was gonna do it. That's why I did not end up doing it myself anyway. So it's just like I'm not trusting anybody to do stuff for me or want to be my help or want to be in my life for those real reasons, and then it falls apart later. Like I can't, I'm not being to put my whole dependency on somebody else. Like Alfred: Hm. Okay. LayTheDon: that's that's yeah. Kevin: So Alfred: I'm with you on that. LayTheDon: Now I've been in Kevin: you basically LayTheDon: a relationship the for I've been in a relationship now for Kevin: just sat here and don't over deliver. LayTheDon: almost four years and I've learned to actually do that now. I've I've I've I've actually, you know, been trying to get into my princess era now. But if you ever asked him have you ever seen Alfred: Camera. LayTheDon: him in person, it it he will tell you how long it took him to actually let me let him do something. Alfred: It was a wow. It was it was some time. It was definitely some time. I I I was there. I know. Hey, hey, clock's still ticking. Clock's still clock clock. Hey, Kale, the clock is LayTheDon: Yeah, you're there for about eight, nine hours. Eight, nine hours you was there. You heard about it? Alfred: the clock is still going. G8 the clock is still going. The clock is still Kevin: The clock's still going, that's crazy. Alfred: going. Hey, Kale, so what's your what's what's your perspective on what Lei had what what Lei has said from like now we get Now obviously this is her personal experience, but what's your what's your thoughts on what Leah said from a female perspective when it comes to, you know, her standpoint on being healed, being a masculine woman as she is and trying to get into her feminine era more? Kevin: You made a couple good points. One thing I'm going say is because we've put a gender role, we've attached a gender role to masculinity and femininity when in reality we really can't do that. We really can't Alfred: Yeah. Kevin: do that because just to your point and I said this last week how you saying you're a masculine woman, they'd be some feminine men out there. Alfred: Yes. Kevin: Maybe some feminine men out there. And I'm not saying feminine in like a, and I don't want that to be taken in the wrong way where I'm saying they're feminine as LayTheDon: Right. Kevin: in like they're, they're, you know, they, belong to a certain, you know, a certain party, you know I'm saying? We Alfred: The LGBTQ plus community. I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. Kevin: don't want to bring that up. We don't want bring that up. Alfred: But I just want I just want to clarify for the people what you mean because it is as a as a man, it is two different things. For us as men, we know it's a difference between Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: like somebody being a part of the LGBTQ plus community and men that are straight, but at the same time they have I wanna say feminine features, but to us as men, they're not masculine. Like we'll other men we don't like. Hey, come on, man. Like, you know, I know what you mean. So I just want to clarify for the people so they understand you. I know what you mean, though. Kevin: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right, right. And I think it's harder in a way though, I'm gonna say this, we're tougher on men about those two, about being masculine or being feminine because the reality is we're expected to do certain things that are masculine. That goes down to even the way you look. Even the way you look, you know what mean? So it's one of those things where like, And I could say this like there's guys that like by guys in the gym, right? Them guys are like really they're like not like I'm really built built like bodybuilders stuff like that I used to go some of these some of these gyms were like, you know, if you couldn't put up 315 you did not belong in that gym, know I'm saying and those are perceived as masculine men, you know, I mean, but there's guys who can't bench anywhere close to that. Are they not masculine? Alfred: Yeah. LayTheDon: When it comes to I Kevin: Good night, LayTheDon: think and to add to to to Kev's point, I think when it comes to masculinity and femininity in a relationship standpoint, just to to touch back on that, I think Alfred: You said masculine? LayTheDon: it's masculinity and femininity, whatever you heck you want to call it, in a in a in a relationship standpoint Alfred: Well, you and Kobe, you and Kobe struggling with that. Kevin: laughter LayTheDon: I think it's to me, I think honestly it's more of a mental thing. And I say this because there's Alfred: Hm. Agree. Kevin: Mm-hmm. LayTheDon: things that female there put like this. If you have a girl that can pay half, if not majority of your bills, a girl who keeps your house clean, this that and the third, you'll love that forever. But just just posing a question, could you 100% be comfortable Kevin: Thank LayTheDon: as a man? And we're gonna say we're at in the time and chart and now. Could y'all 100% Alfred: Mm-hmm. LayTheDon: as men be comfortable with y'all women making majority of the money in the household and taking care of more bills while y'all sit back and chill? Could you 100% mentally be okay with that? Kevin: I'm gonna let you take that one first, bro. you want me? All right. All right. All right, I got you. Alfred: you gonna you crazy you gonna throw you gonna LayTheDon: We not we not say we're not saying a boo cool rich woman. We not saying boo cool rich. We just saying she got a regular, you know, six-figure job. She makes more money than y'all and she take care of majority of the bills of the household. As a man, mentally, do y'all think y'all could really handle it? Alfred: I can go real quick, Quev, I got you. Kevin: Big wave, bro. Alfred: first of all, a regular six figure job is crazy. Cause they don't know too many regular six figure jobs out here. That's one. But if I did come across somebody that did that, it to be honest with you, okay. Growing up, no. And even now to this day, no. Like, don't get me wrong, I've thought about it because I've I've seen men Like I mean, we see how social media is. We know men like this that sit around and play 2K, play Madden, play Call of Duty all day while their girl go out and do X, Y, and Z. And don't get me wrong, as a man, that does look appealing. Like that does be like, man, this man he living good, like, in my opinion. But at the Kevin: Thank you. Alfred: same time also, as a man, y I also think long term. So like how long is that sustainable for? Like how like at some point in time, as a I feel like you gotta have some level of motivation. To do something instead of just sitting down all day playing 2K, playing the game and relaxing. And now I'm not here to judge nobody to each his own. Like it is men out here living good, doing what they gotta do. My bad. Liv doing what they gotta do, whatever the case like that may be. And that's like and that goes to each relationship is different. So I'm not here to judge nobody. But to your question from my point of view, nah. Like not now, don't get me wrong. If handling a business doing something, And like I get laid off from a job or a business venture I went into didn't work out and everything like that and I'm trying to get back on my feet, that's a different story. But for for just sit there LayTheDon: Mm. Alfred: and just have a nah, cause at the end of the day I'm competitor too. Like I'm a healthy competitor. See I'm out, if my woman making six figures, that I'm about to make something happen to make six six figures plus just because of it. And then I want Kevin: it. Alfred: her to be the same way, like okay, I don't want her to get comfortable, not in a relationship, but get comfortable in her position. Like I'm the type of person, like y'all know me for years. I'm the type of person that, okay, I'm looking at the next big opportunity I can get to. And I'm going to go grab it and make it happen. So to me, nah. As because that's also I was raised too. Like, like I said last week, you a man before you anything. Like that I'm old school man. Like you a Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: man before you anything at the end of the day. And that comes with so many different things. So I will love a woman that makes six figures because that would grind me to make six figures. But I'm gonna let KF go now. Kevin: It's one of them things you made some good points on that bro It's one of them things where I think that it's enough. So first I'm gonna say this It's a it's a no for me. Like I don't think that's sustainable for me and for a lot so And like you know to your point bro, it's one of them things There's a lot of guys that are comfortable with that, you know, I'm so depends on your mentality I'm not cooled it because I think that deep down and I say this because I grew up in an all women's household where I think that deep down most women eventually want to go into what they call that soft girl era. I think they want that somewhere deep down. They all want to go into that soft girl era. So how is that going to happen LayTheDon: Yeah. Kevin: if I'm not doing what I need to do? That's just the bottom line. So Me knowing that that Alfred: Mm-hmm. Kevin: eventually you want to go into that soft girl error means I need to step my game up So if she's handling business and one day she decides like yo like I want to be taken care of you got a problem, bro You got a real problem if you're not able to business. So I just don't think it works Alfred: You wanna be honest with you? Another thing too, bef before I spin it back to you, Lei, or either one of you can chime off this as well. I think it's a respect factor as well. Like I also believe that especially because social media plays such a big role in relationships and people can now go like when we was growing up, it wasn't social media wasn't what it is today. So like for the guys that was doing this, you was able to fall under the radar very, very well because all that woman had was just her community. And then realistically, like she like, girl, you don't understand what he does for me, da-da-da this, that and the third because he's gaslighting her or what he's doing, X, Y, and Z. But now because you got social media now, you able to facts. So now you got social media now to where you can you can see it, and you can see like, you know, the the men not handling their business, or you or a woman that's at a certain stature can go see what she can achieve or what other man she can get because okay. This guy just laying around a house. And now I I tell you this, you know, and when me and Kev was talking, prefor me and Kevin Coach talking a week priest before it's just like the guy that's doing that nine times a day, n nine times out of ten, he ain't bringing nothing to the table, but he's bringing lumber to the table, if y'all get the gist of what I'm saying. But now we at this point in society where that can only get you so far. Yeah, it's like only get you so far. Because you got men laying lumber LayTheDon: Lumber ain't enough. Lumber ain't enough. Lumber ain't enough. Alfred: and paying bills. Like so now you got a whole different story now. LayTheDon: All right, so a question from that. I got a question Alfred: Okay, go here. LayTheDon: to pose. So we're gonna say we're gonna we're gonna do it both ways. So if you say if you are the man in the house, you make majority of money. We'll say the bills is I don't know, ninety ninety ten. That's how y'all split it. You pay ninety, she little small stuff. Kevin: Thank you. LayTheDon: And that in my in my in my eyes, I see that I'm not gonna say I see that as a Kevin: you LayTheDon: On a scale of power, but like, is it okay whenever he wants to go out and do X, Y, and Z, go out with the friends, go on boys' trips with no problem because he he pay all the bills, he he makes the most money, like he is the head Kevin: you LayTheDon: of the household. But if it was the other way around and the girl making most of the money, why why does the men usually have problems whenever they out with their girls? Like she she the boss of the house. She made all the money. And that's the thing in in my in in my question is why is It seems like most of the problems in finan most of the problems in relationships come with financials because things they boys did men dish out, they can't pay back. Kevin: Okay. LayTheDon: Like if I pay majority of the bills, or even if I'm paying half the bills, I should be able to still go do whatever I want. However, if you paid 100% of bills, it am I supposed to do every single thing you say because you paid 100% of the bills? Is that is that should how things should be? And vice versa. If the girl paid 100% of the bills, And she allowed to go do whatever the heck she wants. How do y'all? Alfred: Can I c can I Kevin: No, you still gotta come home and make dinner for me. What you talking about? It's like, no, let stop. Let me stop, let me stop, let stop. You got Alfred: Kev, can I can can I get that one? Can I can I get that one? Can I get that one? Kevin: it, you got it, you got it. Alfred: Hey, look, hey Lay, hey, hey, Miss the Don. You done lost your ever loving mind. What she took talking LayTheDon: Yes, sir. Alfred: about she talk. You lost your mind. You thought you'd go No, let me stop playing. No, real talk. The reason to be honest with you is because the I I think it's more of a society thing. I think it's more it's more okay for because as a as a man it's okay to be paying ninety percent of the bills, but then at the same time It's almost like a weird thing to as like, girl, how you gonna say something to me if I'm covering all your expenses? Like like you can't really say Kevin: Mm. Alfred: nothing to me because you're you're I'm giving you the luxury to not have to worry about nothing but just groceries and X, Y, and Z. But to answer your question from a So that's what I'm saying, to answer your question to that standpoint, LayTheDon: So how would you feel if it was flipped if she said that to you? If it was flipped. Alfred: because a lot of men understand that standpoint because society has shown us this for generations on generations. But now we're in a different society where women are starting to make more money now. And it's a lot of it's a little flip now. But I think Kevin: Mm-hmm. Alfred: it's more of a, from my standpoint, I think it's more of an insecurity thing because you're not looked Kevin: Thank you. Alfred: at as a man if you're not handling your business when it comes to that. So like now Kevin: Right. Alfred: if you're in a relationship to where you're doing 90, like she's paying 90 and you only paying 10, you look that funny because not only not not look that funny, but as a man, it's almost like she can go get something else. Like she can go get something else and that's gonna make you look a certain type of way. And if she leave and go get something else Yeah. Kevin: Yeah, LayTheDon: He can go get a Peter, a Paul, a Darius, a Kevin, a Alfred, shit. Kevin: yeah, yeah, yeah. Alfred: Come on now. List and you see you you gotta list the thing and now it's not to say for a man it's not the same thing, but Kevin: And. Alfred: but because society has shown us this, like I said, over generations that eat regardless of this situation, these men that have stepped out of their relationship make paying majority of the bills and everything like that, it's just because they given this woman the luxury of a certain lifestyle. So they like you can't really raise your tone in a house that I'm paying the bills in. So what I to sp LayTheDon: So hold on, side question. Is that a reason? Is that a valid reason? So for the men that step out, because they pay, they they the ones are the breadwinners of the family, they make all the money with them. For the men that step out, is being more financially powerful Kevin: Thanks. LayTheDon: within a relationship a real reason to why they should be okay with stepping out? And is it okay if the female does the same exact thing? Alfred: Well, I'm gonna let Kev as it is, but to be honest with you, in my perspective, I think that a lot of men feel that they're able to step out because it's like like I'm just gonna say this men date down and women don't. So because men date down, and and this is just the truth, because men date down, LayTheDon: It is true. Alfred: I'm I'm bringing you up to a different standard. Women, if they date down, a lot of times that women that's making this level a bag that date down. I'm shooting for a man that they can kind of manipulate, move around and kind of do all this other stuff. Because if you Kevin: end Alfred: and it's one of those things where if you like a woman that days down and say this man is a work in progress and whatnot and he's trying to achieve something, whatever the case like that may be. And we've seen these cases and we seen these situations. LayTheDon: Mm. Alfred: A lot of times when it hit like that, you know, a woman ain't a man won't say nothing because it's just like, well, she Kevin: Thank Alfred: of you know, essentially she got the quote unquote power, as they like to say. Kevin: Thank Alfred: You know, and it kind of steers from there. Because like it's more likely for a man to bring a woman up than a woman to bring a man up. And so because society has shown us this, a lot of men don't like to put themselves in that situation. But Kev, what's your thoughts on it? Kevin: Yes, it's not one of them things but first of all the main thing I'm gonna say is if I'm dating you it's I have respect for you so I'm paying all the bills I'm not I'm just speaking on myself I don't put myself in a position to step out because I shouldn't be stepping out on a woman that I respect so that's just the LayTheDon: Mm-hmm. Alfred: Also true. Kevin: that's just that's just the bottom line you know I mean so when you see men doing that, they already had some type of intention of manipulation in the first place, where they were going to step out no matter what you did. So I don't really want to tie a dollar amount or anything like that to it anyway, because they already knew what they were going to do. That's just the bottom line. I you got, so I'm going say this, these days especially, and this is like part of problem with social media, with everything you see on there. There's too many men that have too much of a lust problem, or they don't need to be dating one woman anyway, realistically, they just don't. And that's about mine, I'm not gonna put, I'm not attaching money to it. They had a lust problem when they started. Let's be Alfred: Yeah. Kevin: straight about it. The money made it worse. Alfred: They just won't they just want something to have, that's all it is. Kevin: Money made it worse. Alfred: That's all it is. They just want something to have. Kevin: That's it. Alfred: That's all it is. I ain't gonna lie, Kev, I ain't gonna I to to I agree with you on that one. I think that's more of a I think that's more of a I don't think it's a finance thing. I think it's more of a demand thing. But at the same time, I do know the finances side of it does play a factor in it. So where some men Yeah, Kevin: yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. I agree. Alfred: some men, because they make a certain level of money, they expect a certain level of thing from their woman. If they're not getting it from her, they step out. But Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: I do think it's a lust thing as well. I think Like my my pops always said, excuse my French to y'all people, but my pops always said, A a do the fucking snake if you ought to hear it right. Kevin: That's me. Alfred: He told me that when I was younger and the and look, I'm just being honest, but like if you it we older now. Think of the homies that you've seen, like lay you got men friends. Me and you got same some of the same men friends that we seen. It's just like hold on. What we doing here? What we what we doing here? Like so it's just Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: one of those things and it kind of go from there. There's no disrespect to those women, but it's just one of those things to where it's not about looks. It could be I'm saying like Kevin: Thank you. Alfred: off personality, off all that. Like you dealing with a woman Kevin: Yeah. Alfred: that's like combative, doing all X, Y, and Z, and it's just like, come on, man, what we doing here? Like this not even for the the betterment of you. Like you just doing it just because she, you know, she may not even look good, but she got a nice booty. She ain't she may she ain't she may she know we got how many homies we got like that? She ain't looking good, but she stacked up. Come on. How many how many homies how LayTheDon: Man, man Kevin: Yup. Alfred: many homies you heard say, hey, I'll put a bag over her face and drill it to the wall? Come on now. To take you. That's what I'm saying. That's what that's what it's like. LayTheDon: A couple of them. A couple of a couple of Alfred: You don't really hear women say that about men, Kevin: Yo, yeah, that's a Alfred: like, man, he ugly, but you know, he got a pole. Like you don't hear that as much. LayTheDon: You yeah, this thing you don't hear it because we don't say it out loud. But we say it though. We we say the same thing y'all say this thing is y'all talk too much. Girls be on the quiet about things. It's a lot of things. There's men we literally will just smash just cause the pipe is good. But then we also got a man we only smash cause he paid a rent, one smash cause he gets the kids' clothes for school. We got one for food. We got we got a rail We got we got We just don't talk about them. Because if we talk about Alfred: Yeah, I give you that. That's true. LayTheDon: it out loud. Kevin: Yeah. LayTheDon: When you talk about out loud, then everybody else gonna want it. You gotta keep that on the hush. Alfred: Somebody help by Hey look, that's what be killing me when I see Kevin: It ain't like that for us. Alfred: Vietnam. LayTheDon: Yeah, y'all talk about it and then y'all mess up. Y'all ain't supposed to talk about Alfred: Nah, hey look, we living in a society now where I see LayTheDon: Mm-hmm. Alfred: a lot of now y'all to let me know if I'm wrong, like before we end up closing the show out. Like we see a w we've seen a lot of it now where like women are going social media and like bash their ex and do all this other stuff. And I'm sitting there thinking to myself, Kevin: Thank Alfred: like, you do know you just gassed him up to the rest of these girls in the world, right? You do know you just like LayTheDon: Goofy. Yeah. That's the thing. Women don't Kevin: You LayTheDon: know how to like this thing. Women they're starting to learn now, but back in like back in the day, women used to keep be high Alfred: Early social media. LayTheDon: be it'd be some my little secret. Like sit literally, like they didn't they it wasn't no, you know, confronting nobody. They they did what they did on the hush and they kept it moving. Now all these women want to talk so freaking much, but there's a lot of women who who know what they're doing know how to keep everything on the hush. If you talk about everything, everybody gonna know about everything. And then you're gonna be mad when somebody Kevin: Thank LayTheDon: come take your man because you didn't talked about how good he was on the internet. Or Alfred: Yeah. LayTheDon: for a man, you didn't talk about how like posting your posting your chick, your girl, cool, that's one thing, but you you won't brag about every single thing they did for you. Even if it's just regular religious stuff, how you gonna get mad when somebody come take them? You done told them what it's like. You didn't give them the blueprint on Alfred: I think it do need to be a level of privacy. LayTheDon: how keep them. Alfred: Yeah, I think it do Kevin: it. Alfred: need a little I tell everybody, man, listen, your girl come tell you about I this men or women to be honest with you. They can tell you about all the women that all the women and men that been slated to the DMs, but what about the ones that made it through? Like what about the ones that came through? Like, so you got that. I mean I mean to me I don't LayTheDon: How many how many of them actually know what your bed said look like? How many actually know what your room layout look like? Alfred: Yeah. I think it needs to l be a level of privacy as well, when it comes to it. But you know, we're gonna deep dive a little bit more into relationship with social media. I love that we had Lady Don on here. Kev, what you think about her her first episode, her first appearance to the people. What you thinking, Kev? Kevin: I mean, we've been waiting on, we've been waiting on it. This is worth the wait. LayTheDon: You know, you know, I be I be working all the time, you know, so you know, you know, I don't be available all the time. Kevin: We wait though, is Alfred: Hey, hey, hey, Kevin: a... We in season two. We in season two. Here she go. Alfred: she or her masculine woman stuff, she gotta work, huh? LayTheDon: But Alfred: Hey, y'all. Hey, man, look, check this out. I love this episode too that we have. We got a lot more go coming soon. Hey, look, at one point, one of these days, we're gonna have all four of us on here. One of these days, you're gonna have all four of us on here. Kevin: Hehehehehe Alfred: We're gonna be able to rap. We're gonna be able to talk. We're gonna let all this rotate around. But man, listen, Hill It Takes Time Part 2. I love this. I feel a little bit more healed. Late, I'm at 110 now. I was at 100 before. I'm at 110 now. I'm at 110 now. LayTheDon: Valentine, Valentine. Alfred: None of that ten now. I don't attend now. Hey look, this is for the exchange. We clocking out y'all. Peace. LayTheDon: Is