Latest / The Chris and Mike Show / #117 - Steve Feldman - Author/Recovered Addict

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#117 - Steve Feldman - Author/Recovered Addict · The Chris and Mike Show

• 0:01
  And we're live now. I will tell you, Mr. Dunham, the
• 0:08
  people that are listening on YouTube live, whatever you do to
• 0:13
  the music, we can talk over the top of it.
• 0:16
  They can hear it. I went I went and listened to
• 0:18
  the live version. Yeah.
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  It's perfect. I just stayed there.
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  So for sure I wish it worked that way on the export.
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  There we go. Steve.
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  Please. Oh, maybe we did.
• 0:46
  Go see the machine. Oh, Steve.
• 0:48
  Yeah. What?
• 0:52
  Steve will be back, Yeah. Little boys and girls, it's the
• 0:55
  Chris and Mike show. We're having technical
• 0:57
  difficulties. We are, we are having technical
• 0:59
  difficulties today. We have a guest named Steve
• 1:01
  Feldman that's here, but he disappeared and he'll, I'm sure
• 1:04
  he'll come back because you know, that's how it happens when
• 1:07
  you're having fun with technology.
• 1:09
  Yes. So why we're waiting anxiously
• 1:13
  for Steve to return? How are you, Mike?
• 1:16
  Well, I'm just getting over being sick, and let me tell you,
• 1:19
  when they say summer colds suck, they're not kidding.
• 1:24
  I had it for exactly a week. Oh, that is terrible.
• 1:28
  Yeah, today's the first day I feel like a halfway human being.
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  Right on. And it was just like a regular
• 1:35
  cold. Nothing.
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  Nothing crazy. Yeah, one of those stupid upper
• 1:38
  respiratory infections. I had no energy though.
• 1:40
  It's like every time I get sick now since I had COVID, Yeah.
• 1:43
  It just zaps every amount of energy I have in my body for
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  like 3 days. Four days.
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  I yeah, I, I can, I can be in touch with that because it
• 1:51
  happens when I get colds, too. It's like, what the hell,
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  Where's this coming from? Yeah.
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  Can't move. It's crazy.
• 1:58
  It's crazy bizarre. I'm a fair weather, feeling good
• 2:02
  kind of guy, you know when I don't feel good, I'm a I'm a
• 2:05
  typical male. I'm fucking dying.
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  It's all over because when every guy gets sick, it's the end of
• 2:10
  the world. Is my is all my stuff good?
• 2:12
  My volume with everything. You know what?
• 2:15
  I I should watch yours better? Yeah, Hello.
• 2:17
  Hello. Hello.
• 2:18
  You can turn up a little bit. How is that?
• 2:24
  That's perfect. All right, so, so friendly
• 2:27
  voice. There you go.
• 2:28
  So again, we have a guest on the show, but he he bounced for some
• 2:31
  reason, probably technical difficulties and what not.
• 2:35
  As I can see us now we're streaming upwards at 96%.
• 2:38
  So we're styling. So while we wait for Steve to
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  come back. So obviously you've you've
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  you've heard of the flood, right?
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  That happened in Texas. Unbelievable man, right?
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  So did you hear, did you hear the story about the one Coast
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  Guard rescue swimmer that was on scene before anybody and saved
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  165 people? I just read that article right
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  before I went to bed last night. Crazy, right?
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  Talk about being at the right place at the right time, right?
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  Absolutely and not to I mean everybody who passed away is
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  tragic. It's you know, senseless, but
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  Mother Nature something happened back in like the in the same
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  area previously because I saw something come up with Peter
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  Jennings talking about a flood in that Texas area.
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  So you know the one catch up being having those camps along
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  Riverside, right? Because you want to have water.
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  Nick and I talked about you want to have access to water for all
• 3:30
  the fun watery things. That's one of the side effects,
• 3:32
  right? You have crazy torrential
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  downpours. Yeah.
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  And you, I mean you can't imagine that you're going to
• 3:39
  have that's probably a hundred 100,000 year, that's probably
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  not 1000 year event, you know that probably happens once every
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  10,000 years. Sure.
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  Absolutely. Which is insane, yeah.
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  Look at all the years that these people that are in television
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  saying I went to that camp and they're in their 40s and 30s
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  and, you know, generations of kids went to that camp and no
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  problems. But when it rains a billion
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  gallons and like what, 24 hours, 30 hours, something just a crazy
• 4:12
  short amount of time. The Kansas City Chiefs owner
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  lost a nine year old daughter. Oh, that's terrible.
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  Yeah, yeah. Which I mean, the one, I mean,
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  it's, you know, tragedy is tragedy, but that will shine
• 4:25
  more light on it because of that, you know, and as far as
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  people jumping on the bandwagon, like, I saw this thing and I'm.
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  I'm all about helping people and giving back, you know, that,
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  right, The heart's in the right place.
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  All that kind of jazz. But Blake, Blake Shelton and
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  Luke Bryan. OK.
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  They took a photo opportunity in the back of a truck with all the
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  supplies. Oh, we're going to do some good.
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  Like, OK, you do good without the cameras, man, Right.
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  Because all because all it was was promotion.
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  All it was was, oh, look at us. I'm Blake Shelton.
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  I'm Luke Bryan. We're in the back of this pickup
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  truck and we're going to we're going to take stuff to the to
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  the folks in dire need. Well, do it without the camera
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  man, right? So just do it.
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  Can you hear me? Are we still talking?
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  Go for it. Yeah, We're still.
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  We're live, man. We were just waiting for you to
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  come back. So we were talking about the
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  tragedy that happened in Texas and.
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  We. Referenced the, the, that rescue
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  swimmer from the Coast Guard that, that pulled 160 people to
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  safety, 165 people to safety. Amazing.
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  And then, right. And then I brought the fact that
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  Blake Shelton and Luke Bryan did a photo op in the in the back of
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  a truck, like, OK, give to give, man, don't give to sell records.
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  Because that's how that comes across to me.
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  Me look. At us, real people look.
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  At us, right? Right.
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  Real people in the in the in the pit doing it, man.
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  Exactly, they're the one like that Coast Guard guy being the
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  first one on scene that that dude deserves the ACT, but he's
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  just doing his job. But still that's, you know, 165
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  souls. I mean that that dude can do no
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  wrong for Oh my. God.
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  Man, you can't. No, I bet he gets a lot of
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  Christmas cards. I bet.
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  Yeah. Free dinners.
• 6:01
  You know, tacos. So again, this is that we just
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  this will kind of start how we usually start.
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  Hey, this is a Chris and Mike show.
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  We're streaming right now live on YouTube and Twitch.
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  We have Steve Feldman as our guest.
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  So Steve, give us a little elevator spiel about who you
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  are, what you're all about. So we know how we're going to
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  dive into this conversation because it's always real, raw,
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  and relevant. Well, man, well, this is
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  awesome. I appreciate you guys allowing
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  me to get on here man. And.
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  Very nice to meet you. Thanks for coming on.
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  Yeah, nice to meet you guys as well.
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  So yeah, I'm just starting this journey, man, fulfilling my
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  purpose of helping people free themselves, their lives up from
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  addiction and and hopefully bringing them closer to Christ.
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  That's my that's the plan. And for me, I started out at a
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  young age, what I had I thought was a normal family.
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  And I'm the youngest of four, an older brother and two older
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  sisters. And when I was very young, like
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  12, I had back surgery. I had a slip vertebrae from
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  playing baseball and that put me out of Commission for a whole
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  summer. I had a full body cast, whatnot.
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  And but once I went back to school, I had to wear this this
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  body brace. Ohh yeah, you know, and.
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  I I've seen though, yeah, well, your legs were kind of out, like
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  you kind of walked funny with your legs.
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  No, no. That was no 'cause I had, I had.
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  Straight up and down kind. OK, 'cause I had a, I had a,
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  yeah, I had a friend in, in elementary school.
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  He fell off the monkey bars and then something happened with his
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  spine. So he had this weird little get
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  up where it was like like it was the torso but his he had to walk
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  like. That I know what you mean, man.
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  Yeah. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why
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  I asked. Yeah, yeah, because.
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  We like to get a visual for the people that are.
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  Sure, man. Yeah.
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  Watching and listening. So OK, so body cast.
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  Yeah, it was just a little thin, thin plastic urethane thing, you
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  know, my waist up to my chest. But man, I had AI felt
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  embarrassed. I would wear, you know, a vest
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  or a jacket. And yeah, so I kind of just at
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  that point, I gravitated towards a different crowd of people.
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  You know, when I was at that point after the surgery and all
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  that had happened. And, you know, my I, I was the
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  youngest. So my brother and sisters had
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  boyfriends and my parents were very social.
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  So my mom was an alcoholic and my dad didn't drink.
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  So that created a lot of riff in the home in itself?
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  Of itself, sure. So you're so you're 12 when you
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  had the surgery and then so you mentioned your siblings had
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  boyfriends and girlfriends. So what's the age gap?
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  Well my brother is like 5 years older than I am and then 7-8
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  years sisters OK. So so you were legit the baby
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  like you were were you a whoops, Steve?
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  Were you like having another one?
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  They never said it like that. They said I was their favorite.
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  Right on. I don't know man.
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  That's what I tell my son. You're my favorite son and my
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  daughter's like what I'm like. Well, you're my favorite
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  daughter's guy, so. One in one, right?
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  Yeah. Buddy, it's away, man.
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  Yeah, So, yeah, man. So that's it.
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  My I So my, my. I saw a lot of partying with my
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  sister's boyfriends and they introduced me to a joint when I
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  was 12 and I thought it was the coolest thing ever.
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  And there was drinking, always going on booze in the house.
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  And so you know, my first drug and drink was at 12.
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  So, so this is going to be fun. You're not the youngest one.
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  We had a guy on the show that his first experience with pot
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  was when he was 6. Come on.
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  Hippie. Hippie.
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  Like he posted a picture. Yeah, hippie.
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  Parents. Yeah, hippie parents.
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  And then he gets pulled from that and goes polar opposite to
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  like an evangelical Midwest Bible thumping in Minnesota.
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  In Minnesota, we. Went from California to
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  Minnesota. In the In the Time of the
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  hippies man. And this is a friend of Chris's,
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  so we know that this is a true story.
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  Yeah, yeah, this is just. Some guy that we didn't know.
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  This is an actual friend of Chris's.
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  He's known for years and we didn't know that we're both.
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  Holy crap, six years. Old Yeah, man.
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  So. So you're the second youngest at
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  12. Congratulations. 12, man,
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  Appreciate it. Yeah.
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  Wow. Yeah, 1212's bad enough, right?
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  OK, so we're partying, we're drinking.
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  We got introduced to pot and beer when we were 12.
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  There's all kinds of parties going on around you with the
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  older siblings and you know, pick it up from there.
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  Yeah, so my parents, they're hard workers, man.
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  Just just multiple jobs, entrepreneurial spirited, you
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  know, they, we had a little ice cream store, nice little corner
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  store, pizza place and stuff and my family is was very deep into
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  bowling. OK, all right.
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  We're all bowlers so and. Where are you from?
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  From originally Rochester, NY and now I'm in, I'm near
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  Syracuse, NY right now. I took 20 years in Pennsylvania,
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  had a bowling center and stuff there.
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  But so you know, we are always into bowling and bowling is
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  drinking and and having fun and right so we, my parents got
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  asked to manage a bowling center in Rochester, NY and not a
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  bowling center. It was like in a Moose club.
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  It was a little downstairs place they, you know, so they, they
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  enjoyed it, but there was a bar in there.
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  And so I was able to continue sneaking things around at a very
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  young age and. And for those that aren't
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  familiar, Moose lodges were private clubs so you can get
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  away with murder in those places.
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  They gambled, they drank pokers and blah, whatever.
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  Pokers and blah. Probably a lot of that went on.
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  Two boats. Boats.
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  And. Boats.
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  It depends on the age demographic of the people who
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  were frequenting the Moose Lodge.
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  It sounds like his was a younger crowd.
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  Ours was an older crowd, so OK, not a lot of that.
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  Going on. So not a lot of not a lot of
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  like Eyes Wide Shut stuff going on, just.
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  It was an it was an older crowd to, you know, to start out.
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  OK. I appreciate that, Mike,
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  clarifying that for Chris, man. But yeah, so that that was our
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  start to the bowling business and they turn that around and
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  really enjoyed it. So a couple, two, couple years
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  in, you know, they wanted to take it further by their own
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  bowling center. So we packed up and went to
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  Skinny Atlas New York, which is outside.
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  That's Skinny Atlas. Skinny Atlas.
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  Yeah, that's a legit name. Yeah, it's a, it's a sweet
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  little town, little resort that's cool, beautiful lake,
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  cool. And so we moved there and I was.
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  And before I moved there, I was fortunate enough to have a, a
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  family member turn me on to cocaine.
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  Oh, yeah. So that was at 16.
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  Fortunate. OK.
• 13:10
  So now that's the youngest we've had somebody come on that has
• 13:12
  had cocaine because I don't know anybody else that's had cocaine
• 13:15
  at such a young age. Yeah.
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  So, and it was. The cocaine from Cuba or was it
• 13:19
  Colombia? Colombia.
• 13:20
  Bam bam. I think that was City City Coke.
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  But it it was. It was a it was AI just thought
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  everything was fun, man. You know, I was young and more.
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  Likely so. And so the, and then I was got,
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  we got submerged into a fun industry and the bowling and the
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  bar business. So we moved to Skinny Atlas and
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  I'm the new guy in town and I don't think I have any problems.
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  You know, I think everything's great.
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  And so we have a center there and that just continued on.
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  And I was, it was my senior year of high school.
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  I moved there and you know, shortly thereafter in my first
• 14:08
  marriage. I've got kids, I'm 20.
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  Right, right, right out of high school, right out.
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  Did you go to? College, I didn't go to college.
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  I I did, I did for about 3 months yeah.
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  OK. And that was that was the end of
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  that. I I was in the business world
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  and OK, so. So how how young were you when
• 14:27
  you got married? I was just turned 20, OK, and.
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  When you graduated high school, how old were you?
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  18. OK cool, so you had a 2.
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  Year little party have. Fun, yeah.
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  Yeah, OK. Yeah, and it just continued on.
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  I had two kids, one right immediately and then another 1-4
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  years down the road. 2 boys and. Still in contact with them
• 14:50
  today. Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 14:52
  Cool. Yep, they're, yeah, they're
• 14:55
  they're in my dedication, in my book, the.
• 14:58
  Oh, good. Yeah, right up.
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  It's, it's a book, but it's also a complete, it's more of a, it's
• 15:04
  a complete Christ centered addiction recovery program.
• 15:08
  All right. And it's it's called the process
• 15:12
  and that's set to release in September.
• 15:15
  Nice. Awesome.
• 15:16
  So that's congratulations, thank you.
• 15:19
  Appreciate that man. I'm I'm excited so.
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  And I know what kind of hard work goes into that much, you
• 15:25
  know, writing a book, what Chris will tell you, he's done it.
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  But any kind of artist just knows what amount of work goes
• 15:32
  into that. And I appreciate what you did.
• 15:34
  And to sit here and be able to say that you completed it and
• 15:37
  it's being released, that's a huge accomplishment.
• 15:39
  I appreciate that man. It's thank you for that.
• 15:41
  It's like I don't even consider myself an author, a writer, to
• 15:47
  be honest, the way that all came out and happened because I, I
• 15:51
  mean, I don't know your experience, Chris, but I mean,
• 15:53
  for me, writing, I hated school. I hated writing and how this
• 15:58
  thing went down was pretty was a testament to to God and
• 16:02
  everything to begin with. That's good, but I just I I
• 16:07
  wanted to be a writer when I grew up.
• 16:08
  So when I was going to college, I went for journalism and then,
• 16:12
  you know, did that for a while and realized you don't make any
• 16:14
  money being a journalist. And like any, you know, the
• 16:18
  journalist, I just transferred to major to from journalism to
• 16:21
  theater because, you know, both are such, you know, guaranteed
• 16:25
  successful industries. But that and then so then I
• 16:29
  realized that it later that the the acting and the writing all
• 16:33
  kind of came to a head when I put it with music, because then
• 16:37
  it just it sufficed all of that because I was a different person
• 16:40
  when I stepped on stage than I was walking around, you know,
• 16:44
  chilling out and stuff. So but that's so when I would.
• 16:47
  So I've just always been a writer since senior year in high
• 16:49
  school. All I've done is write, you
• 16:51
  know, is that. Is that what you do?
• 16:54
  No, I sell houses. I'm real estate guy.
• 16:57
  You are the real estate guy. Yeah, what?
• 16:59
  Arizona trademarked everything. Wow.
• 17:02
  That's very cool there. You go.
• 17:04
  I thought I saw that on your on your site, man.
• 17:07
  Yeah, I thought it was just something.
• 17:08
  You threw out there. That's how we knew each other.
• 17:11
  Yeah, Mike and I were at a unbeknownst to either one of us,
• 17:14
  we were at the candle candle box show and and he was in front of
• 17:17
  me. I was behind him and I was
• 17:18
  singing along to the the singer and I this long haired creepy
• 17:22
  dude, you know, Mike kept turning around and looking back
• 17:25
  at me. And so finally, about the third
• 17:26
  or fourth time I'm like, this motherfucker's like mad at me.
• 17:29
  He's going to try to kick my ass from and then half the stage
• 17:32
  power goes out and he turns around again.
• 17:33
  I'm like really bust out a business card.
• 17:36
  I'm in a band looking for a singer.
• 17:37
  You say that. I was like, come on.
• 17:39
  Man, yeah. I totally forgot that part of
• 17:42
  the story. I did.
• 17:43
  I remember asking him if he was a singer, but he's like, no, he
• 17:46
  had a business card and everything.
• 17:48
  Yeah, now he whipped it out like Desperate Angel was the name of
• 17:51
  the band at the time, had his name and his and the phone
• 17:53
  number on there and you know, you know, and 30 some odd years
• 17:57
  later, we're still friends and you know. 30 years later.
• 18:00
  Wow man 909394 ish Somewhere around there.
• 18:04
  We were old, the 90s in the Hard Rock world.
• 18:08
  As far as Santa. Was concerned.
• 18:10
  Oh, yeah, yeah, we were. Yeah.
• 18:12
  It was good. It was a good time.
• 18:13
  But that's how we kind of met. And that's, you know, so the
• 18:15
  song you heard in the beginning, that was us.
• 18:17
  That was our song. Freeman.
• 18:18
  No kidding. Man, that is cool.
• 18:21
  Yeah, awesome man. So let's go back to Steve's.
• 18:24
  Do you have a, we have a book coming out called The Process,
• 18:26
  which is it was Christ, Christ centric about recovery of
• 18:30
  addiction. Mike and I are both recovering
• 18:31
  addicts. I'm over 20 years sober.
• 18:33
  Mike, we think we decided about 15 or so, 15 to 18 somewhere.
• 18:37
  In there. Awesome man.
• 18:38
  Plus for sure. Yeah, yeah.
• 18:40
  So, yeah, that's why we love having people like you on the
• 18:42
  show because it it shows there's another side to being an addict,
• 18:45
  right? There's a recovery aspect and
• 18:47
  then there's we've had people on that actually have the one that
• 18:50
  smoked a joint when he was six. He actually is now.
• 18:52
  I don't want to say counselor, but he's he works in depth with
• 18:57
  addicts and helped him recovery and stuff.
• 18:59
  Just kind of dead what you did. He hasn't written a book yet,
• 19:01
  although I told him I dude, you should write a book if if when
• 19:06
  you get a chance. He's the the show we did was
• 19:07
  Mike Larose. It's one of our our other ones
• 19:09
  on the on the thing. You think you would dig his
• 19:11
  story considering the. Third, most listened to episode
• 19:15
  only behind the beginning and the second one for obvious
• 19:18
  reasons, you. Know I saw it.
• 19:20
  I was just scrolling those yesterday and I'm.
• 19:23
  Definitely listening to his you'll.
• 19:24
  Enjoy it. Yeah, I will.
• 19:26
  Yeah, so let's talk, let's go back to I want to, I want to
• 19:28
  find out what your, what your moment was.
• 19:29
  Because like for me, you know, as an alcoholic, oh, I'm fine,
• 19:33
  I'm fine, I'm fine. And then my wife and I had this
• 19:35
  big blow up and then in which we never argued and then we still
• 19:38
  don't argue to this day. We've been together 3030, almost
• 19:40
  32 years now. But I woke up the next day and I
• 19:44
  was like, I just, I felt like something had to change.
• 19:47
  So that was my thing. Was that the day before this
• 19:49
  wrong blown, you know, drawn out 3/4 hour argument?
• 19:54
  So the next day I'm like, OK, that's when I googled a A and I
• 19:56
  started my process and, and that stuff.
• 19:58
  So what was it that we left off your story with your married,
• 20:01
  you had two kids, you're 20 years old, right out of a couple
• 20:04
  years out of high school. So pick it up from there because
• 20:07
  I want to know the, the what was the catalyst that made you shift
• 20:11
  your mindset and you're thinking from where you work to where you
• 20:13
  are now? Yeah, that's, it's a great
• 20:15
  question. And and I'm as I'm starting this
• 20:19
  journey of having to speak and talk about it, I just threw
• 20:23
  myself out here literally in the last 30 days of putting myself
• 20:29
  on podcast, just starting to talk about the the the process.
• 20:34
  And so, you know, and that question is, I don't have a
• 20:40
  where somebody says, yeah, back in 2011, you know, something
• 20:45
  happened. There was an accident or this or
• 20:46
  that. I I was tied up for 35 years in
• 20:52
  addiction. So in and out, in and out.
• 20:56
  How old are you now? I'm 59.
• 20:59
  OK. So we started so, so, so we
• 21:02
  starting your journey at 12? Yeah.
• 21:04
  Is that where we think? OK, so 12 years old, 35 years of
• 21:08
  just gotcha go on. So you know it's.
• 21:12
  You know, thinking you got it, you know, I mean, I, you know,
• 21:15
  of, of, you know, sobriety from three months to six months to
• 21:20
  six years, three years and going back, you know, so it's, it was
• 21:28
  probably three years ago that, you know, because I am a
• 21:32
  Christian, I was all, I, I came, went all in with Christ and I
• 21:36
  met who's going to be my future wife here in the next next
• 21:41
  month. So, and I commend you on 30
• 21:43
  years, man. I don't have that with my first
• 21:46
  3 marriages combined. So yeah, you're doing good, man.
• 21:49
  I'm still at 0 so. OK, so 3, so 3 marriages.
• 21:55
  So how long did the first one last?
• 21:57
  That was 12 years. OK.
• 21:59
  And then was was the addiction? Was that the final straw it?
• 22:02
  Was just part of it, you know, and just yeah, immaturity, the
• 22:06
  first marriage for sure, you know, and you know, I, I went
• 22:11
  through many, many years without thinking.
• 22:13
  I really had a problem. And so I've had to do a lot of
• 22:16
  looking back, man, and trying to put it together.
• 22:20
  I didn't want to. Look back years.
• 22:22
  Oh, I bet. For sure, I would say the first
• 22:25
  five years are still a blur, you know, because I was trying to
• 22:28
  figure my life out again. So I I appreciate that.
• 22:30
  Was your first wife an addict with.
• 22:33
  You no or no, no, no, no. We drank together.
• 22:37
  You know, that was that was enough to do together.
• 22:41
  But I hit it pretty well. And really at the end of that,
• 22:48
  it wasn't even, I wasn't even full blown.
• 22:52
  It's just there was just an accumulation of things for, for
• 22:55
  the first marriage, you know, just a man being very immature.
• 22:59
  I mean, right? So well, yeah, I mean starting
• 23:02
  out at 20 for sure. Like my wife and I got married.
• 23:04
  I was 25, she was 20. So I I get the immaturity and
• 23:07
  and you have to grow with that. So obviously I wasn't an
• 23:10
  alcoholic the entire time we were together.
• 23:12
  It more So what am I 20 now? We've been get 32.
• 23:17
  It was like, it was like the 9th and 10th year where it just kind
• 23:21
  of started, you know, building up.
• 23:23
  And then I just, you know, I couldn't, my by the last six
• 23:26
  months was probably terrible, but I wasn't, and I always point
• 23:29
  this out, I wasn't physically or abusive things like that.
• 23:32
  I just, I just emotionally wasn't there, right?
• 23:34
  I just, I went physically, I did my, I did my job, I paid the
• 23:37
  bills, I provided, but there was no emotional connection.
• 23:42
  The booze had got in the way of all that.
• 23:44
  So with your with your addiction, I don't think we
• 23:46
  touched on that. Was it, was it alcohol, was it,
• 23:48
  was it coke, was it pot? Was it accumulation of all
• 23:50
  three? You know, I kind of went up the
• 23:52
  ladder with it all and it was definitely once I moved to
• 23:58
  Skinny Atlas, the cocaine really got more and more and the
• 24:03
  drinking was always there. You know, I'm, I've, I'm like
• 24:09
  just over 2 years with no drinks, all right.
• 24:13
  And before that, in the last 30 years, I don't think I went more
• 24:19
  than six months without a drink. So I mean, everything dropped
• 24:25
  and like in the last three years, everything just
• 24:27
  dramatically changed. But.
• 24:30
  And you don't, you don't have a, you don't have a reason why it
• 24:33
  just changed. It just changed.
• 24:34
  You just woke up one day and was like.
• 24:36
  Just a long process that that that God brought me through,
• 24:40
  took me through and and then, you know, I think the my future
• 24:46
  wife here is, was played a big part in this because she was a
• 24:52
  solid Christ follower herself. And, and, and God had spoke to
• 24:58
  me a couple times and said some things, you know, along the way,
• 25:02
  man, that were very impactful for me.
• 25:04
  And you know, so yeah, definitely three years ago was
• 25:10
  like, OK, this is it. You're you don't have any more
• 25:12
  opportunities. So yeah, it's no no one time
• 25:18
  event for me. OK, OK, yeah, I mean, not
• 25:21
  everybody has one, but I I'm just one of those things.
• 25:23
  I always, I always ask because it's it's it's always
• 25:26
  interesting, interesting to have the response because like Mike
• 25:28
  didn't have a one time thing, you know, Mike was accumulation.
• 25:32
  Our friend Mike that the six year old smoking pot, his was an
• 25:35
  accumulation. He had to go through so many
• 25:37
  different levels of hell yes to get to the point to where it's
• 25:39
  like, oh, you know, so I get that.
• 25:43
  So that was that's why I asked the question that there's no
• 25:45
  wrong answers. What I'm?
• 25:46
  Getting yeah, yeah, so. And here's the other thing.
• 25:49
  So yeah, the cocaine ramped up and and then eventually that
• 25:52
  turned into crack. Oh yeah, yeah.
• 25:56
  And so. That was a dark path that now
• 25:58
  so. That's a dark path.
• 26:00
  So 12 years of the first wife divorce.
• 26:01
  How long does it take you to get married to the next one?
• 26:04
  A couple years, couple years and that went.
• 26:07
  She a party or two? No, she drank.
• 26:10
  OK, OK. And that one went 10 years.
• 26:15
  And yeah, the alcohol, the drugs and the alcohol just all played
• 26:20
  a part. And you know, and that at this
• 26:26
  point, I, I, I guess I didn't tell you, is I'm just shooting
• 26:29
  from the hip. No, that's which is what we
• 26:31
  like, man. So we.
• 26:32
  That's why we do this in Skinny Island 2000.
• 26:35
  We wanted to expand. And so I ended up, we bought a
• 26:40
  bowling center in Bradford, PA, and I moved there.
• 26:45
  And so I had that place for about 20 years and, you know,
• 26:51
  once again I was having problems, but I was able to move
• 26:56
  and leave the area. And this was out of Skinny
• 27:00
  Atlas. And that was the end of my first
• 27:03
  marriage breaking off. So kind of like a fresh start in
• 27:07
  Bedford. Yeah, Bradford, Yeah, home of
• 27:10
  Zippo lighters. OK, see my wife's in
• 27:13
  Punxsutawney. OK.
• 27:14
  Yeah, right down the road, man. OK, you guys are close.
• 27:17
  Yeah. Zip Zippo and Zippo and
• 27:19
  Punxsutawney Phil. Yeah, we got to get a commercial
• 27:23
  with with punk science though, like the Zippo man that.
• 27:26
  Would be classic. Oh my God.
• 27:28
  Did your bowling centers come with the same clientele that a
• 27:31
  lot of bowling centers come with in that not the greatest people
• 27:35
  hang out there? Well, you just, it's your party.
• 27:39
  That's that's what it is. I mean, that's what I'm asking.
• 27:41
  Yes, absolutely. You didn't have the PBA coming
• 27:44
  through your particular bowling center is what I'm saying
• 27:47
  there's. Well, I have.
• 27:47
  There's the yeah, yeah. My niece was the best woman
• 27:52
  bowler in the world for a few years.
• 27:54
  Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:57
  So that was cool. So you guys just didn't do the
• 28:00
  coke and drink and so heavy on the nights that the PBA was
• 28:04
  there? Right, right.
• 28:06
  You know how to do. We had.
• 28:07
  A bowling. We had a bowling alley in my
• 28:09
  town. I'm super familiar with the kind
• 28:11
  of people that hang out in the bowling alley.
• 28:13
  On a regular basis, right. And I mean, and that's man, I
• 28:16
  mean so many good times and so many good people.
• 28:20
  But you know, when the when the doors are locked, I'm staying
• 28:23
  and there's a group of us staying and, and, but you know.
• 28:27
  That's what I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, you, you nailed it.
• 28:30
  Yeah, Mike, for sure. But yeah, it got worse.
• 28:34
  You know, with the with the crack, it got really bad.
• 28:36
  I mean, I did that for 1515 years and it was pretty
• 28:42
  destructive. Lost relationships, lost
• 28:46
  businesses, marriages, and. And in the meantime, I'm into
• 28:52
  outpatient programs, a A and a Celebrate Recovery therapist,
• 28:59
  pastors, interventions, and. You said you went about six
• 29:03
  months at best at a time. Without alcohol, but the drugs I
• 29:09
  I had 1-6 year Sprint, but I was drinking during that time.
• 29:13
  But I I thought I had it, thought I had it all figured out
• 29:16
  then. Yeah, so.
• 29:18
  Well, don't we all? Every attic has it figured out,
• 29:20
  man. I don't have a problem.
• 29:22
  What are you talking about? I can stop.
• 29:23
  Whenever. I guess it's all under control,
• 29:24
  yeah. Yeah, I don't.
• 29:26
  I'm not that Jack isn't. I don't touch that Jack in the
• 29:28
  freezer as I just keep dealing with the water.
• 29:30
  You know, it's you know, it's. Look, it's still full, honey.
• 29:33
  Oh my God, I don't. Have a part now it's fine,
• 29:35
  right? Then you have a part and you put
• 29:36
  all these on the site. We had this citrus sky vodka
• 29:40
  that was flavored is fantastic right on the bottle.
• 29:42
  So we had this party and we pulled all the the booze out of
• 29:45
  the freezer and and they couldn't understand why it's a
• 29:47
  big chunk of ice in the sky vodka.
• 29:51
  This guy you guys are and I think you're being smart and
• 29:56
  they're like, I knew it's like once I got sober and sober Chris
• 29:59
  could be talked to, right? I don't know if this would
• 30:01
  relates with you, but then all of a sudden you can have these
• 30:04
  rational conversations with your with your, you know, your future
• 30:07
  wife, with mine, with my wife. And then she realized, Oh, sober
• 30:11
  Chris can be talked to. He listens.
• 30:13
  He can, you know, he doesn't just fly off the handle and snap
• 30:16
  it little things. He just like.
• 30:17
  Oh, and then you start talking about all the things that you
• 30:21
  know where how I hid the bottle of Jack in a brown bag behind a
• 30:24
  bag. Ice.
• 30:26
  There. And she worked at an Applebee's
• 30:29
  in the same complex as a Walgreens.
• 30:31
  So I would go up to when I ran out because it was all Surface
• 30:34
  St. I'd take Jake, my son, put him
• 30:35
  in the truck, go get a, you know, an 18 pack and a bottle of
• 30:38
  Jack. And then she'd come over for a
• 30:40
  break from Walgreens, from Applebee's because they all knew
• 30:43
  each other, right? And all your husband was here.
• 30:46
  Oh, really? What was he doing?
• 30:47
  You know a case of beer and a bottle of Jack and had your son
• 30:50
  in the. You know my God.
• 30:52
  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. You know this is like 6 o'clock
• 30:55
  7:00 at night. You know so, but you don't know
• 30:58
  that stuff. You don't know the eyes and the
• 31:01
  different people that see you as you're doing these things.
• 31:03
  You think of being all slick and shit and it's just like, yeah,
• 31:06
  everybody. And I would say that holds true
• 31:08
  for every addict. And they don't know it.
• 31:10
  You don't know that you're completely irrational all the
• 31:13
  time, right? And everybody else can see it
• 31:15
  because they're sober, right? Yeah.
• 31:18
  I know I that I think about, you know, and I was always had
• 31:23
  businesses, so I was always in the public eye and, and, and,
• 31:27
  and that was another part of my problem.
• 31:29
  I had to put on this facade all the time and life is good.
• 31:33
  I've got a, you know, a nice wife.
• 31:35
  I've got homes, I've got cars and, and boats and everything
• 31:39
  looks amazing and I'm a wreck for many years.
• 31:45
  But yeah, that perception, I remember I've weighed as much as
• 31:49
  like 220 in the past and and. How tall are you?
• 31:53
  511. And what about the same height
• 31:56
  then? Yeah.
• 31:57
  Yeah, and I remember at one point when I was down to 170 and
• 32:00
  I remember justifying it in my own mind because I had, I was in
• 32:03
  my own business, you know, with my pants, the belt, the belts
• 32:06
  tightened about 7 loops out. And I'm trying to wear the right
• 32:10
  clothes. I'm thinking nobody knows.
• 32:12
  Everybody knows, man. Everybody knows what you're
• 32:15
  doing. It's a joke when?
• 32:16
  I moved back here in 2009. I was 128 lbs.
• 32:20
  Oh. My God, how tall are you, Mike?
• 32:22
  59. Right, right.
• 32:24
  Yeah. See when I at the height of my
• 32:26
  drink and I was about 1:50. 5 now just so, yeah.
• 32:29
  Yeah, yeah, my height was 224 and then I'm I'm around one
• 32:33
  75178 depending on the day. Now am I at my when when working
• 32:39
  out became my new addiction, then I my lowest I got was 166,
• 32:43
  but it was just lean, you know, as lean.
• 32:45
  I wasn't I wasn't on a crack cocaine diet.
• 32:47
  So here's why I bring that up. Five 11170 lbs is is legit as
• 32:52
  far as you know, height to weight ratios, things like that.
• 32:55
  If it's done healthy. Oh.
• 32:57
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were a kid, man.
• 32:59
  You wouldn't have told me that anything different back then.
• 33:02
  I believed. Now, now during your during your
• 33:06
  journey of of addiction with the cars, the houses, the boats,
• 33:09
  things like that, did you ever get DUI?
• 33:11
  Did you ever get in trouble with the law?
• 33:13
  Per SE. I mean, it's one of the
• 33:15
  blessings, man, how how I stayed away from the law.
• 33:18
  I mean, you know, I had a DUI when I was young, but you know,
• 33:22
  when I was 17, you know, that was just driving into somebody's
• 33:26
  house. It wasn't a big thing, but.
• 33:28
  You drove into their house. Yeah, yeah.
• 33:30
  Crashed right into their house, Yeah.
• 33:32
  Into their house. It wasn't a big thing.
• 33:34
  Yeah, put a whole stand anyway. Yeah, it, it wasn't, but, but
• 33:40
  that was, that was the younger days.
• 33:42
  But, you know, All in all, man, just carrying it on, you know,
• 33:46
  into my 50s, man. So I have a message for the
• 33:49
  young people too, you know, it's just just don't take it into
• 33:53
  your 20s, man. Don't take it into your 30s.
• 33:56
  Don't take it into your 40s. I mean, I, you got to see it
• 34:00
  around. I mean, it's everywhere, man.
• 34:01
  It's in my own family here. The, the addiction is rampant,
• 34:05
  man. And it's, it's just it, it
• 34:07
  sickens me. And I want to help people, man.
• 34:10
  I was either fortunate or unfortunate that I knew I was
• 34:13
  going to die. Wow.
• 34:16
  So I was 35. And what were you doing?
• 34:19
  Just drinking. Oh, no.
• 34:21
  I did pretty much everything you could ever imagine.
• 34:24
  I mean, I was a musician, you know, it just, it found its way
• 34:29
  to me. I didn't, you know, seek it out
• 34:32
  or I wasn't ever buying it. It just, it always was around,
• 34:36
  you know, no matter where you're at.
• 34:37
  It is if you're looking for that, right?
• 34:40
  For sure. Like you got addicted to crack
• 34:45
  Around the time that I was in my 30s in Phoenix, meth was super
• 34:50
  popular because it was coming up from Mexico, right?
• 34:53
  It was dirt cheap and it was easy to find, so I can say
• 34:58
  safely that that's the only drug I've ever done that I did for
• 35:02
  the next 3 1/2 years straight as often as I could, right?
• 35:07
  Yeah. Brutal.
• 35:09
  Yeah, it's the same as crack. It's just that high is so
• 35:12
  intense and euphoric, you just never want it to end.
• 35:16
  Yeah, man. And that was part of my it's,
• 35:18
  it's amazing, man, that, that I'm here today with a clean bill
• 35:24
  of health with you, man, stayed out of jail.
• 35:29
  That we have our faculties. That was mine.
• 35:32
  I was suffering from psychosis, something terrible, and I
• 35:34
  thought I was going to have to live the rest of my life that
• 35:36
  way so to have Peace of Mind again.
• 35:39
  Yeah, like in. General right where I can lay my
• 35:42
  head down at night. I don't hear anything except my
• 35:45
  own thoughts. You nailed it, man.
• 35:47
  Fantastic. It's the keyword peace.
• 35:49
  You know, that's what people are after.
• 35:53
  And yeah, that's, that's awesome, man.
• 35:57
  Good for you from breaking free, you know.
• 36:00
  Thank you. And I'm always careful to remind
• 36:03
  the people in my life when I'm a difficult individual.
• 36:06
  I'm protecting my Peace of Mind that's.
• 36:09
  Yeah, I won't compromise it today.
• 36:12
  No, I can't. You can't, Chris can't because
• 36:14
  we wouldn't be who we are today without it, right?
• 36:17
  So agree. So, so so you moved to
• 36:20
  Pennsylvania, open another bowling center.
• 36:23
  You're you're the talk of the town.
• 36:24
  You got, you got the keys in the in the bling and you know the
• 36:27
  shoots and you know, and like, look at me, I'm Steve.
• 36:29
  And then you're. Married again.
• 36:30
  Married again. Children with the second
• 36:32
  marriage. She had some children, OK.
• 36:34
  But none that you had to get. None there.
• 36:36
  OK. And.
• 36:37
  And then how long did that one lasted?
• 36:39
  Ten. It was 10 years.
• 36:40
  Yeah, yeah. So you're what?
• 36:42
  If I do my math right, you were 20 to 32, then about 34 to 40.
• 36:46
  Four. Yeah, Yep.
• 36:47
  OK, sounds about right. I can do.
• 36:50
  I can count. So now you're, you're 59.
• 36:52
  So you're, you're, you've been single now this entire time
• 36:55
  because you referenced future wife.
• 36:56
  No. So three years ago, you met this
• 36:58
  woman. We got done in about 2016
• 37:03
  actually. Okay, okay.
• 37:04
  Yeah, that's when that ended. I got to think of my my time
• 37:09
  frames man. You're OK.
• 37:10
  Yeah. So was was was the was, did it
• 37:13
  just kind of run its course as the first one did in your mind
• 37:15
  or was the addiction kind of had a plan?
• 37:17
  Well, it just it was a the addiction definitely did.
• 37:20
  There was I think further back I would I would discount that the
• 37:25
  drinking played a part or the addiction, but it was it was in
• 37:30
  it all and and you know, even when you got the time outs that
• 37:34
  were you're clean for a while. It's and you're still trying to
• 37:38
  figure things out and it's still part of the problem.
• 37:41
  And it was definitely it, it created more problems and then
• 37:48
  and then it just, it, it got into a big, a big mess of a
• 37:53
  relationship, you know, infidelity and the whole 9 and
• 37:58
  just a lot of lessons to be. Learned through a You're in your
• 38:02
  30s forties at this point, yeah. 40s. 30s because it was yeah,
• 38:06
  yeah, OK. 40s yeah, yeah. A lot of character building.
• 38:10
  Oh my God, man. That's what I call that when,
• 38:13
  when, when God's checking you, it's character building.
• 38:16
  It's true story, Chris. Yeah, this is what it is, man.
• 38:19
  He's still still working it today, man.
• 38:22
  Yep, it's. It's been a every.
• 38:23
  Every, every step in life is just a rung on that ladder as
• 38:26
  you keep climbing towards the ultimate goal, whatever that may
• 38:28
  be. Yeah, So, yeah, that was so,
• 38:34
  yeah. The, the drugs and alcohol are
• 38:35
  just, they're infiltrated, you know, through my, through
• 38:39
  everything in life. It's part of it all, man.
• 38:41
  I yeah, it's, yeah, I look back, man.
• 38:46
  And, and there was just the roads I took in different
• 38:49
  business opportunities that didn't go.
• 38:51
  And I thought, you know, oh, that's what I was going to say,
• 38:55
  you know, I had money because you're talking about the bling
• 38:58
  and this and that. I mean, it wasn't loaded or
• 39:00
  anything, but you know, we had, we were good and you're
• 39:02
  comfortable, very comfortable. And so I didn't, it wasn't the
• 39:07
  typical, you know, maybe an addict that doesn't have much.
• 39:11
  And you know, I, I, I did a lot because I had money and that it
• 39:16
  was my God. And it's, and it was, I just
• 39:19
  thought it could always, always save me.
• 39:22
  It could always Get Me Out of something, and it took God had
• 39:27
  to drain me of every penny twice.
• 39:30
  So there was, so there was there.
• 39:32
  So there was some type of moment that happened.
• 39:35
  Well, a lot, you know, over 35 years, you know, a lot of a lot
• 39:40
  of moments where I didn't listen.
• 39:43
  Right. Yeah, most people don't.
• 39:47
  I like to call him a lot of rock bottoms, yeah.
• 39:50
  Well, you got, you just got really loud.
• 39:51
  Yeah, he did. What happened there?
• 39:53
  You got a fan on, man. Yeah.
• 39:55
  What's up Mike? It.
• 39:56
  Is really loud. Something happened.
• 40:01
  Remember that, Remember that? What was it?
• 40:04
  Is it live or is it Memorex commercial with the guy in the
• 40:06
  chair and the hair? So let's talk a little bit about
• 40:13
  let's talk a little bit about the book.
• 40:16
  It's called the process. And you, since you're not a
• 40:19
  writer, did you just kind of all of a sudden one day start having
• 40:23
  the idea? I'm going to put pen to paper
• 40:24
  and put my thoughts down. It's kind of how it happened.
• 40:28
  Yeah. It, you know, it was just
• 40:30
  sitting down one day and literally I'm just like, wow,
• 40:36
  man, everything in life's a process.
• 40:39
  Everything, everything is a process.
• 40:42
  And then it's like bam, PR and you know, because I've been
• 40:48
  through so many recovery programs, I'm like, OK, and I
• 40:54
  started putting scriptures with each letter and I and I it just,
• 40:59
  it just started to go and I'm a guy that will not like I can't
• 41:03
  sit at a computer man for an hour would be a long stretch
• 41:08
  and. Most, most addicts are ADHD.
• 41:11
  So you know, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel,
• 41:13
  right? And that's why a lot of them
• 41:14
  chase that because that puts that makes their brain shut up
• 41:19
  and then they can focus on something.
• 41:21
  Where's those that you know, that's, I mean, you think about
• 41:24
  it, I don't know the stats, but a lot of addicts are somehow
• 41:27
  have attention deficit on some level because, you know, they
• 41:32
  just do. They're trying to, they're
• 41:33
  trying to self medicate. That's what we're trying to self
• 41:35
  medicate. We had some in our family that
• 41:37
  that went down the path of meth and heroin, things like that.
• 41:39
  And it and truly became a point of trying to feel normal because
• 41:44
  nothing they did would feel normal.
• 41:45
  So once they started experimenting with the drugs,
• 41:48
  that would give them some sense of normalcy, even though it was
• 41:50
  so they didn't realize it. But that's that's what.
• 41:55
  And then that becomes you just chasing with the heroin part of
• 42:00
  it, you were just chasing the needle.
• 42:02
  You weren't chasing the high anymore.
• 42:03
  They were chasing the needle just when it pierced your vein.
• 42:05
  Am I going to live this time or am I going to die this time?
• 42:08
  You know, OD this time. That's the freaky thing about
• 42:10
  the heroin and stuff. At least from what I've had my
• 42:13
  vantage point, I've never done any more than worse than pot.
• 42:16
  I'm the boring one. Here.
• 42:17
  Oh yeah. No, you're the smart one.
• 42:20
  The smart one. So let's I want to, I want to
• 42:24
  kind of die. I don't want you to give up the,
• 42:26
  the, the contents. I don't want you to share too
• 42:28
  much about the book because we want people to go buy your book.
• 42:31
  But I want you to kind of talk about a little bit about what it
• 42:33
  is. I got to turn this point off.
• 42:40
  Talk a little bit about, you know, you kind of said it's
• 42:44
  Christ centric, which is cool. So you have a lot of scripture
• 42:47
  and stuff involved with it. So you're taking all your
• 42:49
  knowledge and experience with all the different recovery
• 42:52
  outlets you did and kind of putting it all in one thing.
• 42:54
  OK, cool. Yeah, that's cool.
• 42:56
  Yeah. So I mean, even what you did say
• 42:59
  about the writing, I just want to throw out there because I.
• 43:02
  Yeah, absolutely. It all, I mean, and suddenly I
• 43:06
  was, and it's part of my story is that the Holy Spirit just
• 43:10
  totally took over and just told me where to go with this and
• 43:15
  what to do. And I was writing 810 hours a
• 43:20
  day. I mean, I mean, it was crazy,
• 43:22
  man. I'm, I'm like to know myself to
• 43:27
  think that that could be happening like that with just, I
• 43:30
  look back and I'm like, well, it just wasn't me, man.
• 43:33
  I was guided because. You were the vessel.
• 43:37
  I don't know. I was the vessel.
• 43:40
  That's why that makes right. That's how I mean like Mike and
• 43:42
  I have talked about it that, you know, when I write a song, it's
• 43:45
  I could be sitting here doing nothing and all of a sudden a
• 43:48
  line comes in my head and boom, two in a fire.
• 43:49
  There's there's you know, an entire lyric of of two rounds,
• 43:53
  one there. Mike's the same way Mike will
• 43:56
  will, you know, he'll be tuning around on his guitar all of a
• 43:58
  sudden. Here's a riff.
• 43:59
  It's it's the muse. It's it's, you know, you know
• 44:03
  my. That's why I don't take any
• 44:04
  credit for. It right?
• 44:06
  Literally, I pull it out of the universe, right?
• 44:09
  Yeah, it's just. If somebody asked us if we were
• 44:12
  good, we just give them tickets to our show.
• 44:13
  Come see. US play exactly.
• 44:16
  You let us know we we played stuff that made us happy, that
• 44:20
  we would want to hear on the radio.
• 44:21
  Or. On ACD or whatever.
• 44:24
  But beyond that, I mean, we did it because we enjoyed it.
• 44:26
  You know, we weren't looking for anything more than that to write
• 44:30
  a great song, you know, something that made us want to
• 44:32
  move. And I agree with what you're
• 44:34
  saying in that you become a vehicle when you're that close
• 44:38
  to any kind of art. Yeah, yeah.
• 44:42
  I mean, like you said, I think it's really cool because you
• 44:46
  don't like, I don't. I have a this, all of this
• 44:51
  happening created my purpose. And it's, it's just, it's lit up
• 44:55
  my life and it's. And so I, you know, I, I, I envy
• 45:01
  people that play music and can sing, right, because, you know,
• 45:04
  it's a gift, man, because, you know, if you don't have it,
• 45:08
  that's for sure. Oh, absolutely.
• 45:09
  You know, so it's, you get led to, like you said, just all of a
• 45:14
  sudden things start coming to mind and things come together,
• 45:17
  things get aligned and you're like, oh, this is this is good.
• 45:21
  Right, so the book's called the process.
• 45:24
  Is it a step by step thing or is it just more of a first person?
• 45:27
  This is my journey. These are the things that that
• 45:29
  worked for me or things that didn't work for me.
• 45:31
  Give us a little in in depth on. That, well, I, it's a, it's a,
• 45:34
  it's AI, call it a radical approach to recovery and it's
• 45:39
  blending biblical principles with science and manifestation
• 45:45
  techniques, right. So I've never heard that.
• 45:49
  It's, I believe it's, I don't believe it's been out there.
• 45:54
  I think it's going to be a movement throughout the world,
• 45:56
  to be quite honest, man. So it's we start with the end in
• 46:02
  mind. All right, and we can I talk
• 46:06
  about creating and being your future, your 90.
• 46:10
  It's a 90 day program and it's 7 steps with along with the
• 46:14
  letters, the process. And it's, it's I blend biblical
• 46:19
  principles with scientific research that backs up the the
• 46:25
  manifestation and creating your future self right out of the
• 46:30
  gate. We set the picture, we draw the
• 46:32
  vision and we work from that person, that place instead of to
• 46:38
  it. So it's a complete paradigm
• 46:41
  shift of the way you think about recovery.
• 46:44
  That's. All what?
• 46:45
  What's your time frame? Or the way you just described
• 46:48
  it, it would be different for everyone, right?
• 46:50
  Yeah, for sure, it could be. I mean, it's designed as a 90
• 46:53
  day, but I mean, everyone's walk is different.
• 46:57
  And yeah, it's. It could it.
• 47:01
  So you do have a time frame set up to where somebody could go
• 47:05
  from being at their worst, which all three of us have been there
• 47:08
  to if you followed this program, you're saying in three months
• 47:12
  you should be on your way to recovery.
• 47:14
  You have a should form. Yes, exactly.
• 47:17
  Everything's everything. 'S.
• 47:19
  I'm thinking right. I think when you say 90 days I
• 47:21
  automatically went in my head to 75 hard.
• 47:23
  Right, the workout. Thing that I've done a couple of
• 47:25
  times where it's, but it's, it's discipline and and the more, the
• 47:29
  more habit you do on a consistent basis because
• 47:31
  consistency wins. That's what that's the concept
• 47:34
  of it. That's the habit.
• 47:35
  You're you're breaking the old habit and create and replacing a
• 47:38
  new habit. Repetition is the mother of all
• 47:39
  skills. Exactly.
• 47:41
  And discipline and consistency, you know, and, and I believe in,
• 47:45
  in this 90 day program that your, your life will be
• 47:49
  completely transformed and, and, and it doesn't mean it's all
• 47:53
  fixed and anything like that, but if you follow the plan,
• 47:58
  you're going to be in a good place, man.
• 48:01
  That's cool, I like that. Yeah, that's absolutely.
• 48:04
  And, and one of the nice, the unique things that I've created
• 48:07
  with it is that when you buy the book, the program is that
• 48:12
  because it is, it's steps with along with the letters, right?
• 48:15
  And I, I give two weeks per step to, to work things.
• 48:19
  And, and I, I have a series of YouTube videos that I've created
• 48:27
  that you get with the book. So I that I'm walking you
• 48:31
  through the book itself, you know, every bit of it.
• 48:34
  And I'm, you know, saying this is this is it, this is what you
• 48:37
  should be doing. This is where you should be, how
• 48:39
  you should be feeling. What an addict would kind of
• 48:42
  mindset here. I've got all these these things
• 48:45
  that can help you just kind of understand it.
• 48:48
  If it's, if it's one person that's picks this book up and
• 48:51
  goes through it themselves with within the county, one
• 48:54
  accountability person and, and God, they can do it.
• 48:59
  And so I kind of walk them through the whole book and they
• 49:04
  can look at the videos, you know?
• 49:06
  Is is the book kind of like a workbook?
• 49:08
  Yes, there's a lot of questions in each, in each step to to ask
• 49:13
  yourself. And yeah, it's a, it's a full
• 49:16
  blown program. And it's so, and it's full hands
• 49:19
  on. Yes, it's, it's pretty different
• 49:22
  man, but I'm excited. Now here's a question for you.
• 49:25
  So you, you, you released the book in September.
• 49:27
  And then you have the, the, the hold, how to hold people
• 49:30
  accountable with the YouTube videos, things like that.
• 49:32
  Are you going to like like become a life coach or recovery
• 49:36
  and kind of do something like this where hey, Chris, we're
• 49:38
  going to Zoom every Tuesday at 2:00 to, you know, make sure
• 49:42
  you're still following the steps, you're still following
• 49:44
  the outcome, you know, you're still going for the outcome,
• 49:46
  whatever that have you want to phrase it.
• 49:48
  Absolutely. That's a big part of it.
• 49:50
  I mean, like you see a, a is the is the primary example of all
• 49:54
  recovery programs, right? That's you know, I've I've built
• 49:58
  a complete program on the side of the book that's not going out
• 50:02
  with the book. That will be, you know, where
• 50:05
  where people are going to be able to start their own programs
• 50:08
  in churches and in in recovery centers.
• 50:13
  You know, I mean, this is brand new man, and it sounds like it's
• 50:17
  that's a. Great idea there, I like that.
• 50:19
  You know, and I'm taking it as far as I've already can see
• 50:23
  another writing coming out for because I want to get to the
• 50:26
  inner city youth. Yeah.
• 50:29
  And just with with manifestation techniques and getting these
• 50:32
  kids minds right before they before they're ruined.
• 50:36
  Yeah. Give us an example if you would
• 50:37
  have like a manifestation technique that you use.
• 50:40
  Well, I mean, there's some of the simpler ones are, you know,
• 50:44
  draw on a vision board. You know, that's something we do
• 50:47
  right out of the gate. OK, so it's because not
• 50:50
  everybody's going to know what a vision board is Explaining what?
• 50:52
  Explaining that so, so this, this person that I want to
• 50:56
  become, you know, what do I, what am I going to look like in
• 51:00
  90 days? You know, what are you know,
• 51:03
  and, and this vision board, you can take it further down the
• 51:06
  road, right to the clothes I'm going to be wearing.
• 51:10
  What, you know, am I, I'm back to work.
• 51:13
  Maybe there's some pictures of my on this board of, of my
• 51:16
  workplace. Maybe it's the pictures of me
• 51:19
  and my family from some of the good pictures that when we were
• 51:22
  things were really good and I wasn't a mess.
• 51:25
  You know, I got my job back and maybe there's just pictures,
• 51:30
  pictures of the future or bringing up some of your older
• 51:33
  pictures so that you have something to look at every day
• 51:36
  to kind of keep you motivated and driven.
• 51:38
  That was the hardest thing for me.
• 51:40
  Steve was just getting into a routine again and it to be
• 51:44
  honest. Back to life.
• 51:45
  Listening, and I've told Chris this before, it's the part I
• 51:48
  fucking hate the most. Still to this day, I do.
• 51:51
  That's not me. Yeah.
• 51:54
  It's all an act every day. It just is.
• 51:56
  You know, I, for the people that are listening, they're like,
• 51:59
  wow, you're should have went to Hollywood.
• 52:01
  I probably should have because it is the part I hate the most.
• 52:05
  I don't like to be told what to do.
• 52:06
  I want to do what I want to do. That part never left me.
• 52:11
  So I, I do commend you for tackling that part because that
• 52:17
  is the hardest part for an addict to get back into as any
• 52:21
  kind of routine, right? You've been I was away from
• 52:26
  society for almost 4 years right straight.
• 52:30
  Like no. Job.
• 52:31
  No. Like I was sequestered from
• 52:33
  everybody. I saw him a couple times, you
• 52:36
  know, just a select you. You probably didn't want to see
• 52:38
  him either, you know, I mean, he.
• 52:42
  Who would not want to want to see me?
• 52:43
  Steve, I want to see more of the.
• 52:46
  He is the least I when we talked about it, he's like, I sorry,
• 52:51
  man, you should have said something.
• 52:53
  I just you know, I he didn't know and he felt mad about it.
• 52:56
  He is one of the least judgmental people here your
• 52:59
  life. He just came over to jam at that
• 53:01
  time and I was at the worst of my addiction.
• 53:04
  So I, I really appreciate that particular one there, you know,
• 53:09
  getting people back into some kind of routine.
• 53:11
  Well, you know, I don't want I, I just learned so much about the
• 53:15
  process of recovery, man, that I mean, at the end of the day, the
• 53:20
  person that's fully recovered, that's not going back.
• 53:23
  They're not the same person that they were.
• 53:25
  No, in addiction, they're a different person.
• 53:28
  They're they think differently, their minds are differently.
• 53:32
  However you get there. This is a no nonsense program.
• 53:36
  It is, it's, it is it's, it's a full out assault against against
• 53:42
  addiction, right, because the addiction doesn't take any
• 53:45
  breaks, man. So our recovery shouldn't
• 53:47
  either. And this is my program is not
• 53:51
  about passivity, but I want people to be excited even though
• 53:56
  I I know where you're at. I've been in that pit.
• 53:59
  I'm 100 * / / 35. Right.
• 54:04
  But see, that's the validity of it.
• 54:05
  You've you've been there. That's what our friend Mike
• 54:08
  Larose is. He's been there.
• 54:09
  Like it. Like my first a meeting I went
• 54:12
  to at the time I was, I was, I was 20 years, I'm 55, I was 35.
• 54:16
  So everybody in there was like 6570.
• 54:18
  I'm like, this doesn't work. Like I can't relate to these
• 54:20
  people at all. So then I found the one the next
• 54:23
  day that was a range. It was probably people younger
• 54:26
  than me all the way up to. A different a different program.
• 54:30
  It was no, it's still a A, but it's a different location.
• 54:32
  OK. Yeah.
• 54:32
  So the first location was everybody was grandparents.
• 54:35
  And looking back on that now, that's because the area where
• 54:38
  that, that was was 55 plus world, adult community world,
• 54:42
  yeah. Where is the one that I ended up
• 54:44
  going to in Tempe. It was in Tempe, what's in
• 54:46
  Tempe? ASU.
• 54:48
  So it had a, a wide range of, of age, which then I, I could
• 54:52
  relate more to that group than I could in the one in the East
• 54:55
  Mesa because of the age gap. So it wasn't, it wasn't
• 54:59
  necessary that I didn't want to go forward with it, but I needed
• 55:01
  to find something that was connecting.
• 55:02
  And that was the thing that the age connected me with that
• 55:06
  particular meeting. And then I realized that you got
• 55:09
  a chip every time you hit 30 days, 60 days, 90 days.
• 55:13
  And that, you know, I've told it before here, that was the reason
• 55:15
  that that I stayed clean was because I wanted to be able to
• 55:18
  give those chips to my wife. Here's 30 days.
• 55:21
  That's awesome, man. Here's 60 days, here's that
• 55:23
  chip. And then there's there's the
• 55:27
  frame. Oh.
• 55:28
  Damn, Chris, your sobriety. Very cool, man to her.
• 55:30
  Yeah, that's awesome, man. But that's the thing.
• 55:33
  So you have to find something that's going to going to, you
• 55:36
  know, flip your switch to, to change your habits because we're
• 55:39
  all living proof habits can change.
• 55:42
  Well, let me ask you. Yeah.
• 55:44
  Mike, do you golf? I used to used to.
• 55:48
  OK, I actually worked on a golf course for four years when I was
• 55:51
  in high school. OK, what about what is it?
• 55:53
  What is it you don't like to do? I mean skiing, hunting, I mean
• 56:01
  activity wise. Oh, I'm not a big, I'm not a big
• 56:05
  workout kind of guy. I could give a shit about that
• 56:08
  kind of stuff. So.
• 56:09
  I love that. So if that's.
• 56:11
  Where him and I are different people for sure.
• 56:13
  Yeah, he's the beast. He is for sure.
• 56:18
  So. So if I said, like, you know,
• 56:20
  part of our programs going to be working out five days a week, I
• 56:24
  mean, would you be excited? No.
• 56:28
  Not at all, right? And that's just it.
• 56:30
  Like, and I use AA as an example.
• 56:33
  I don't knock any other program because every program out there
• 56:36
  has saved people's lives. So absolutely, I've never been
• 56:40
  an AA guy, right? I go in.
• 56:42
  There. But here's where I'm at.
• 56:44
  Because I'm a man of my word and I'm not a hypocrite.
• 56:47
  I knew I was an addict. I don't need anyone else to tell
• 56:50
  me that, right? I figured this shit out myself.
• 56:53
  So. That's why you don't hear me
• 56:55
  talking about recovery and like programs and stories and I pride
• 57:00
  myself on not being stupid. That's the one thing that I'm
• 57:03
  super proud of, right? I got an education.
• 57:06
  I educate myself daily since I was about, I don't know, since I
• 57:12
  could read, right? The one thing Chris and I have
• 57:14
  in common is we were sick a lot when we were kids.
• 57:17
  So we were kept inside. We didn't get to go outside.
• 57:19
  We had to stay inside for recess and we were alienated from the
• 57:24
  group. So I read a lot, and I became
• 57:27
  those books. You know.
• 57:30
  I just fell into them. They became my world and then
• 57:33
  music became my world. And as an artist, you just gain
• 57:39
  so much more perspective for the world.
• 57:42
  For life. To the point where your minds
• 57:43
  expanded more than the average person.
• 57:46
  By the time you're 20 instead of 30 or 40 or, you know, you're
• 57:51
  about 10 years ahead. Wow, you.
• 57:53
  Know just. Because you put the time into
• 57:55
  doing something that normal people don't, right?
• 57:58
  So I knew I was an addict. I didn't need anybody else to
• 58:02
  tell me that. I don't knock any program.
• 58:05
  If it helped Chris, great. I love him as a brother.
• 58:09
  He's great. But that I think it starts with,
• 58:14
  you have to know where you're at, right?
• 58:16
  Right. You can't just tell somebody I I
• 58:21
  can save you without them wanting to be safe.
• 58:24
  For sure, man, yeah. Right.
• 58:27
  Yeah, yeah. My wife was a bartender for the
• 58:29
  bulk of my my last two years of drink.
• 58:31
  She's a bartender at, at, at, at Applebee's and a bar down in
• 58:34
  Scottsdale. So she could tell me she was
• 58:36
  until she was blue in the face that I had a problem.
• 58:38
  And I'm like, no, I don't because I didn't.
• 58:40
  I didn't want to hear it. She's right.
• 58:42
  Everybody that was telling me that was right.
• 58:44
  But you just as an addict, you're not going to stop till
• 58:47
  you're ready to stop, period. Period.
• 58:49
  Like you 30 years, right, 30 years of and and three or two
• 58:54
  failed marriages that can kind of be tied. 3 failed marriages,
• 58:58
  3 failed, the last one went one year.
• 59:01
  Oh, OK, OK. I forgot to tell you about that
• 59:04
  one, but that's OK. That's a short story.
• 59:07
  But but you know, so I commend you, Mike.
• 59:12
  But, and here's what I think we we run out of time.
• 59:17
  Oh, we got a few more minutes. So like that you figured you're
• 59:21
  in the minority of addicts that figure out I.
• 59:24
  Know that. That's why I don't.
• 59:26
  That's why I don't. Praise God man, good for you.
• 59:30
  The only part that I'm going to, yeah, thank you for sure.
• 59:33
  The only part I'm going to say is a a deal breaker is if the
• 59:38
  person is not ready to recover. There's no program.
• 59:43
  I don't care what you say. I will debate that and argue it.
• 59:46
  If anybody wants to come on here and tell me that I'm wrong, I
• 59:49
  welcome it. That's why we're here, right?
• 59:52
  But they're wrong because I've never seen somebody get sent to
• 59:56
  a place and come out successful ever in my life.
• 1:00:00
  And I've seen lots of examples. Same here man.
• 1:00:03
  I'm not just saying, and these are personal friends of mine.
• 1:00:07
  These are kids I went to school with.
• 1:00:09
  These are bandmates. These are, you know, I could, I
• 1:00:13
  could name off 10 examples off the top of my head and none of
• 1:00:16
  them were successful because somebody decided for them that
• 1:00:20
  they were an addict and they were going to get better.
• 1:00:23
  Yeah, that it doesn't. And it doesn't matter who you
• 1:00:25
  are. Doesn't matter.
• 1:00:26
  Like from from somebody who's straight up living on a gutter
• 1:00:29
  to Robert Downey Junior, right. You're not stopping unless you
• 1:00:35
  have the will and desire to stop, period.
• 1:00:38
  Like there's no, we saved continuously went and saved the
• 1:00:42
  person in our family that was, was going down that path.
• 1:00:45
  And, and so we watched the cycle in the 24 hour lockdown to get
• 1:00:49
  cleaned in here, the 30 day, you know, sober facility, you know,
• 1:00:54
  24 hour care, things like that. And then we noticed a
• 1:00:56
  disconnect. Once you get out of the 30 day
• 1:00:57
  lockdown, they couldn't come back to where we were at because
• 1:01:01
  of what they were doing. So then they had to go to the
• 1:01:03
  halfway houses, group homes, things like that.
• 1:01:05
  With the problem with that is then you go from 24/7 care to
• 1:01:09
  nothing and you're dealing with the 14 other personalities that
• 1:01:12
  you're the new one in the room. So all of a sudden you're a
• 1:01:15
  piece of crap and you're not going to be successful because
• 1:01:17
  the first thing you want to do is get the hell out of Dodge.
• 1:01:19
  That's another great point. Right.
• 1:01:20
  So there's, yeah. It's a super point and it's
• 1:01:25
  going to go in line with the IT is that when, like you said,
• 1:01:31
  it's just like when somebody gets out of jail, right?
• 1:01:33
  The first thing, do they they're, they want a great meal
• 1:01:37
  and whatnot. They don't go to the diner.
• 1:01:39
  Shower by themselves. Yeah, they don't want to go to
• 1:01:42
  the diner right across the street from the prison.
• 1:01:44
  They want to get as far away as possible.
• 1:01:47
  So that's part of the core of my program is to listen.
• 1:01:51
  We are going to build you with personal growth and self
• 1:01:55
  development right out of the gate.
• 1:01:57
  And Mike, like you said, I'm so glad you brought it up about the
• 1:02:00
  the books, right? I was never a reader and today,
• 1:02:06
  and I don't read even today really, I listen.
• 1:02:09
  So I'm I'm a. Vulnerable guy, we all do.
• 1:02:12
  And, and, and it changed my world and, and that's part of
• 1:02:16
  how this all came about for me too.
• 1:02:18
  And I realize you can get away from recovery faster with
• 1:02:24
  personal growth and self development.
• 1:02:25
  And I mean, I listen to probably 30 to 40 books a year, and some
• 1:02:31
  of them tend to point. Steve, that's a good point you
• 1:02:34
  bring up that I failed to include in my own recovery
• 1:02:37
  process is it was an intense. I dug down deep into myself.
• 1:02:43
  I've solved all the here's where I went wrong, here's where I did
• 1:02:47
  wrong to people. I apologized where I could and
• 1:02:50
  then I started to rebuild myself.
• 1:02:52
  Right, that's a. Very important point.
• 1:02:54
  You have to rebuild yourself and you become a new person on the
• 1:02:58
  other. Side.
• 1:02:59
  All of us are not the same people we were before we became
• 1:03:01
  an addict. That would be impossible.
• 1:03:03
  It would be impossible, correct? Yeah.
• 1:03:06
  I mean, that's. Better now and we can tell
• 1:03:09
  someone when you're ready, here's what you need to do and
• 1:03:13
  that's what I hear from you. I'm not saying I wasn't trying
• 1:03:15
  to say that you're, I hope you didn't take it like, you know, I
• 1:03:19
  was trying to say your program's not going to work.
• 1:03:23
  I was agreeing with what you were saying from the beginning
• 1:03:25
  of the episode in that you had to decide I'm ready to do this,
• 1:03:30
  right. And for you, you found the Lord.
• 1:03:32
  That's great. Everybody has to have a vehicle
• 1:03:35
  to get there. I just call it a vehicle.
• 1:03:39
  If. You call it God, That's great.
• 1:03:41
  It was music for me. It's whatever for the next
• 1:03:44
  person, but as long as you have something to hang on to that
• 1:03:48
  centers you and grounds you so that you can move forward and
• 1:03:52
  build your character and yourself worth and wanting to be
• 1:03:57
  out in society. That's the one thing that I
• 1:03:59
  forgot as an addict, is that I love people.
• 1:04:02
  Yes. But the self worth, self worth
• 1:04:05
  because what's 1 of the other common things with addicts aside
• 1:04:07
  from being ADHD, right? You have no self worth 0.
• 1:04:11
  And, and, and then you come out of the addiction, right?
• 1:04:13
  And then also you look back on what you did and then you have
• 1:04:15
  this shame. Oh yeah, because you're like, Oh
• 1:04:18
  my gosh, I like, I tell the story on that's such a great
• 1:04:21
  point. Thank you.
• 1:04:22
  I, I tell, I tell the story all the time.
• 1:04:24
  One of the Christmases with my wife, I, I got her diamond
• 1:04:27
  earrings and I was like, and to me, I was like, Oh, I got my
• 1:04:29
  wife diamond earrings and I wrapped up the package right.
• 1:04:31
  And I walked through the hallway.
• 1:04:33
  She was sitting in the, in the great room at that house and I
• 1:04:35
  tossed her the box of earrings. I said Merry Christmas, turn
• 1:04:37
  around and went away. And, and I could just, I can see
• 1:04:40
  her face too and tell her story because she's like, oh, OK,
• 1:04:43
  thank you. Like I was a total Dick.
• 1:04:45
  My yeah. I wasn't because I wasn't there
• 1:04:47
  emotionally. Like if I could go back in time,
• 1:04:50
  just take those little nuances away from from our life, I would
• 1:04:53
  because that's the thing that when I got clean and then you
• 1:04:56
  start waking up with a clear head and then you start
• 1:04:58
  remembering things. At least I.
• 1:05:00
  Let me ask you this. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:03
  That's the story you remember the most if you're ever going to
• 1:05:05
  slip, right? Those kind of things, right?
• 1:05:08
  If I'm if I'm even leaning towards being that person again,
• 1:05:13
  those are the things I remember is how bad that felt.
• 1:05:16
  Right. Yeah, Yeah, You want to, you
• 1:05:19
  want to feel that? Something to hang on to remember
• 1:05:22
  how bad you made somebody feel or how, you know, in my case, I
• 1:05:27
  came home for Christmas one year and I just devastated my mother,
• 1:05:31
  you know, and that she's the only person walking the earth
• 1:05:35
  today that can still make me feel like I'm an inch tall
• 1:05:38
  because she's still the only person that's shown me
• 1:05:41
  unconditional love too, right? So those kind of people, when
• 1:05:46
  you hurt somebody like that, just like Chris did with his
• 1:05:49
  wife, it means something to you. And that rattled around my head,
• 1:05:53
  you know? Yeah, it it in it, it does now
• 1:05:56
  it means something, man. And, and like Chris said, just
• 1:06:00
  like today, man, I, it's like I, it's tough to get me rattled
• 1:06:05
  today because I'm in peace and I see the mess around me and not
• 1:06:10
  just drugs and alcohol, just life in general.
• 1:06:13
  Just life in. General and I just.
• 1:06:14
  It's the negative impact of social media.
• 1:06:16
  I, I don't want anything in me that's going to.
• 1:06:19
  I want my mind so clear because you know, I, I need to be used
• 1:06:23
  to help people, man, because you know, that's.
• 1:06:26
  So with with the the decades of your addiction.
• 1:06:28
  OK, so then this this is going to be fascinating.
• 1:06:31
  The answer is going to fascinate me when when you finally got to
• 1:06:33
  the point where there was no drinking, there was no drugs,
• 1:06:35
  there was no coke and crack and pot the first week removed from
• 1:06:39
  that as you woke up every day. Did you have that like you get
• 1:06:43
  cuz like when I first stopped drinking, it's like you wake up
• 1:06:45
  and it's like, whoa, I don't have a headache, you know, and I
• 1:06:51
  never my biggest problem too is I drank so much water while
• 1:06:54
  drinking. I never really had hangovers.
• 1:06:56
  So you know, that was the other little.
• 1:06:58
  You were good guys because right, I was because just it was
• 1:07:02
  good, but it wasn't good because it wasn't, it wasn't giving me
• 1:07:06
  waking up because I would drink legit, man.
• 1:07:08
  I would start at 3:30 in the afternoon when in the last six
• 1:07:11
  months of it, and I'd go till I could fall asleep, not drunk,
• 1:07:13
  but comfortably numb, you know, And and then I'd, you know, you
• 1:07:17
  wake up and start the whole thing over again.
• 1:07:20
  And a lot of it, like I can't watch baseball and TV at all
• 1:07:23
  because I used to watch the Diamondbacks and drink a case of
• 1:07:25
  another case. But 12 to 18 beers with two or
• 1:07:27
  three shots of Jack and a big bag of what was it, a Ruffles, a
• 1:07:31
  cheddar cheese, sour cream, chips.
• 1:07:33
  That was my thing. So when I stopped drinking, man,
• 1:07:36
  that's why I went from 2:34 to just because you don't have the
• 1:07:40
  beer, you don't have the junk food.
• 1:07:42
  But I, I legit, I can't watch baseball and TV.
• 1:07:45
  It's hard. 101st how many episodes?
• 1:07:48
  I've never heard that story. That's good.
• 1:07:49
  OK, Yeah, yeah. And then the other thing too,
• 1:07:51
  is, is when about the year after I stopped, you'd back in the
• 1:07:56
  back. I don't know if you still do it
• 1:07:57
  because I don't watch commercials, but they would, you
• 1:07:59
  know, poor Jack over Ice, right? Or crown Whirl or whatever doers
• 1:08:03
  whisk, right? I would salivate.
• 1:08:06
  I would watching TVI would just start salivating and remember,
• 1:08:09
  oh, I had that one shot that one time that I could feel it just
• 1:08:13
  splashed into my stomach. My God, it gets warm.
• 1:08:16
  You know what I mean? Yeah, it's.
• 1:08:18
  A big lie. Weird little shot, right?
• 1:08:20
  But maybe that'll kick the rest of my goal.
• 1:08:24
  See, MM has luxury being able to drink and control I.
• 1:08:26
  Was never an alcoholic. Right, right.
• 1:08:28
  So. I don't like so let's at all,
• 1:08:32
  yeah. I was.
• 1:08:33
  Fortunate, yeah. Yeah, I thought I could keep
• 1:08:37
  drinking even after the drugs and I finally.
• 1:08:43
  And that that was just another part of the change in the last
• 1:08:45
  few years. Like it just every everything
• 1:08:47
  just starts to come together for me, you know, because I want
• 1:08:50
  years thinking I didn't have a problem.
• 1:08:52
  But you know, I owned bars and I think I did have a problem so
• 1:08:58
  but a. Little bit so so as we come to a
• 1:09:01
  wrap here, let's let's let's give people an idea how to find
• 1:09:04
  your book and where to find you online.
• 1:09:06
  OK. And so I want you to drop the
• 1:09:08
  name of the book where they can find it once it once it gets
• 1:09:10
  published. And then what's your YouTube
• 1:09:12
  channel? And if there's a specific
• 1:09:14
  website they go to just centered around you in the process.
• 1:09:16
  OK, so the the book is called the Process a Radical Approach
• 1:09:20
  to Recovery. And my website is this.
• 1:09:26
  I'm all brand new, man. I don't even my channels aren't
• 1:09:29
  all out yet, but I have a website with just very basics.
• 1:09:33
  I just just got live, which is radicalrecovery.com and it's not
• 1:09:38
  recovery, it's COVRY. So recovery because that's all
• 1:09:46
  of my. Have you back on once the yeah,
• 1:09:49
  once, once the books out for a couple months, we'll get you
• 1:09:51
  back on like in November or. And.
• 1:09:54
  We can we can plug all your your things as well.
• 1:09:56
  So the book is called The Process The Radical Rd. to
• 1:09:59
  Recovery. Yes, the yes.
• 1:10:01
  A radical approach to recovery. Radical coach recovery And then
• 1:10:04
  where are you going to find that online?
• 1:10:06
  It's going to be on Amazon. It's with TBN publishing and so
• 1:10:12
  everywhere. I mean, they're they're all over
• 1:10:14
  the world. So definitely Amazon.
• 1:10:17
  Any you know Barnes and Nobles, all the the big the outlets,
• 1:10:22
  the. Big.
• 1:10:23
  OK. And yeah, so that's that's all I
• 1:10:25
  have out there right now, but it'll be out there.
• 1:10:28
  We're talking September, man. I'm excited.
• 1:10:31
  OK, cool. And people can find you on on
• 1:10:33
  Facebook. It's just searching, Steve.
• 1:10:34
  Feldman Yeah. Steve Feldman, yes.
• 1:10:36
  OK. And Instagram, it's it's not
• 1:10:41
  built up yet. Yeah, I'm fresh man.
• 1:10:44
  We'll. Help you with that?
• 1:10:45
  Yeah, yeah. We'll get on there and friend us
• 1:10:47
  or. OK, I'll do are.
• 1:10:49
  You on there? I am under.
• 1:10:51
  OK, I'll find you and I'll friend you and we'll help you
• 1:10:54
  with that. Man, I appreciate you guys
• 1:10:56
  we're. Just kind of getting that part
• 1:10:57
  going ourselves. Our YouTube channel is pretty
• 1:10:59
  robust, but Instagram has been, I lagged behind.
• 1:11:03
  Chris didn't have access to it. So everybody go, if you have
• 1:11:07
  Instagram, sign up with us and Steve.
• 1:11:09
  I'm going to jump on all your stuff, man.
• 1:11:11
  I appreciate you guys. This has been great.
• 1:11:15
  Thank you for the opportunity. It's really nice to meet you and
• 1:11:18
  you incredible story and congratulations on everything.
• 1:11:21
  Man, Yeah. Thank you.
• 1:11:22
  Guys and again, I don't when people write books, I don't like
• 1:11:24
  to share all the books content because I want people to go buy.
• 1:11:27
  Yeah, man. So that's, that's why we just
• 1:11:29
  kind of a little bit of softball in your windows, because we want
• 1:11:32
  people to get enough out of this to think, oh, that could help.
• 1:11:35
  Yeah. Because I, I dig.
• 1:11:37
  I dig the fact it's a workbook. Yeah, that's all.
• 1:11:39
  Yeah. Because I, I, yeah, the
• 1:11:41
  workbook's cool. Because then, you know, it takes
• 1:11:43
  ownership. It's hard to rebel against
• 1:11:45
  something that you agree to do for yourself.
• 1:11:48
  So having to write it down in a workbook and a daily
• 1:11:51
  accountability every two weeks per step is I think that's
• 1:11:53
  fantastic, man. I appreciate you guys in this
• 1:11:56
  format is awesome man I really enjoyed it.
• 1:11:59
  So thank you. Michael was tuning in for pretty
• 1:12:02
  much the whole episode again. Hi, Michael.
• 1:12:04
  You got to go check out the live stream on YouTube there, Mr.
• 1:12:07
  Dunham. I will.
• 1:12:09
  He said he'll be checking Steve out and great show.
• 1:12:12
  So thanks for tuning in again, Michael.
• 1:12:14
  We appreciate it. And Ken says he's looking
• 1:12:17
  forward to Friday. So couple of people chiming in
• 1:12:20
  on the YouTube. Thanks for listening.
• 1:12:22
  Yeah, and we close every show with this.
• 1:12:24
  Don't let the bad days when somebody will miss you and love
• 1:12:27
  you if you don't wake up tomorrow.
• 1:12:28
  So reach out to anybody that you think of that you can talk to.
• 1:12:32
  It really is going to be better tomorrow.
• 1:12:34
  Just, you know, take a deep breath, close your eyes, go to
• 1:12:37
  sleep and wake up tomorrow. It's a brighter, better day.
• 1:12:39
  Absolutely. This is you and somebody will,
• 1:12:41
  Somebody Loves You. So, you know, make sure you're
• 1:12:43
  there at present in the morning. Love it, right?
• 1:12:46
  Thank you guys. Steve Feldman, thank you very
• 1:12:48
  much. The book, The process coming out
• 1:12:49
  in September, it's a it's a radical approach to recovery.
• 1:12:52
  We're going to have you back on after the book comes out and we
• 1:12:55
  can plug all your social medias again and and just kind of get a
• 1:12:57
  feel for what kind of response the book had because I'm I'm
• 1:13:00
  interested to see that because it is such a different approach
• 1:13:04
  to getting out of addiction. So you definitely want to check
• 1:13:06
  it out for Steve Feld, Mike Michaels, I'm Kristen.
• 1:13:08
  I'm until next time, see you. Peace.
• 1:13:11
  Thanks. Love you brother.
• 1:13:12
  Love you too man, nice to meet you.
• 1:13:14
  Steve, nice to meet you guys. The place where you will go
• 1:13:31
  behind your eyes.
• 1:15:24
  You haven't found solids in your sand, you just fought fighting.
• 1:15:33
  Wait for the dead when it's. Closer out there and.
• 1:15:37
  For the wind, you ain't no creature.
• 1:15:41
  We're playing found. And you should you, Chris.
• 1:15:44
  On the almighty days you gotta dream Who in your life to keep
• 1:15:52
  us all in every day. Take your chair behind your
• 1:15:59
  eyes. Feel the soul, every shame now.
• 1:16:03
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:16:13
  Take a moment. We will see you.
• 1:16:16
  See him fight the family to you more clear.
• 1:16:46
  You gotta, you gotta. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta.