Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Marcus Brigstocke: Parenting, The World Cheese Awards & Norm From Cheers | TalkBox Ep. 43
Transcript
- 0:02Oh, hi, Rich Fulcher here and welcome to Rich Vultures talk
- 0:06box. Today's guest is none other than
- 0:10Marcus Bridgestoke. He's like a a comedian who's
- 0:15been around for ages on TV. You've seen him on 8 out of 10
- 0:19Cats and all the panel shows, and you've seen him improvising
- 0:25on stages across the UK. You've seen him writing lots of
- 0:31comedy stuff. And he's touring now and I'm
- 0:34interviewing. I talked to him.
- 0:36He sat in this chair, I swear to God.
- 0:41So check it out now, OK? All right, I'll come down.
- 0:46My blood pressure's way up. Drink milk.
- 1:07Namaste. Right, right.
- 1:11Hey dude, nice to see you. How are you doing?
- 1:15I'm good. Yeah, I'm good.
- 1:16Have. We ever met before?
- 1:18No, we've never met. No, but I've seen you.
- 1:21But I I get the feeling that I've met you.
- 1:24No, we're not. Maybe not.
- 1:26We've been in rooms, you know, like.
- 1:30We've done. We've done.
- 1:31We've done. We've done.
- 1:33We've done the across the room, like, yeah, I know you.
- 1:36We both do this similar thing and yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 1:40I can't even remember where it was, but the last time I was in
- 1:43a room with you, I had AI won't say overwhelming because then it
- 1:47would have won, but I had a powerful desire to come and sing
- 1:5210 CC. Oh.
- 1:54You should have done. That really, that is one of my
- 1:57favourite moments ever. You just just just just singing
- 2:02that just as is and very nicely, may I say.
- 2:07I get requests to do it sometimes, yeah.
- 2:11And sometimes yeah, I do it, yeah.
- 2:15Sometimes I yeah, I don't because I'm on the toilet.
- 2:20Yes, yeah, yeah. Do you know, I once met George
- 2:24Went, who played Norm in Cheers, and he got very tired of people
- 2:29going Norm because, you know, his name's George.
- 2:34And he, he said there was a time when he was on the toilet in an
- 2:38airport and the lock was broken and he couldn't quite reach the
- 2:42door. He'd like, made it clear there
- 2:44was someone in there by making noises and someone pushed the
- 2:46door open and instead of honouring the oh shit, I'm so
- 2:50sorry, they just went No, really.
- 2:53Yeah, while he was, yeah. That is so weird because I've
- 2:56heard that same story being told as Dylan Moran did that at
- 3:02Kilkenny. Oh really?
- 3:04And he was on the toilet and George went walks in no way.
- 3:09And he goes Norm. That's so bizarre.
- 3:13Yeah, people write in to see where that comes from.
- 3:17Well. I I did.
- 3:20What's his name? Jack.
- 3:22Brilliant. He was free.
- 3:24No. Jack.
- 3:25Jack. Who was in there?
- 3:25D Absolutely. Did you ever watch?
- 3:28Absolutely. The Scottish.
- 3:29Guy, I fucking love that show so much.
- 3:31That's amazing. Jack Docherty.
- 3:32Jack Docherty had a chat show and that's.
- 3:35Where Channel 5. Yeah, it was really good as well
- 3:37and they should have kept it. It was shot in a theatre and it
- 3:40was like, yeah, it was really alive.
- 3:43And now I met George went. That's when he told me that
- 3:45story. But maybe it was the.
- 3:46No. Maybe George was right.
- 3:48No. Well, who knows all.
- 3:49Right. Maybe.
- 3:50The other way around. Yes, indeed you.
- 3:52Know what I thought because that show was every night they were
- 3:55trying to replicate the US, but I I think, and I'm not sure why
- 4:01it didn't work. Was it they had trouble getting
- 4:04guests every night? They had people like me.
- 4:07They had like, and I don't mean that as like.
- 4:09There's no false modesty there. Stars, I know what I am.
- 4:12They. Had stars.
- 4:13They had stars. No, they had like, you know,
- 4:17working comics. They had lots of working comics
- 4:20and and Graham Norton has working comics too, but next to
- 4:26Keanu Reeves and I do. What?
- 4:29I think you could get away with that show now because there's so
- 4:33many people coming, like there's US people, Norwegians coming in.
- 4:39Well, I'm interested that, you know, they're doing SNLUK.
- 4:42Yes. And like, I don't know who
- 4:45they'll get as the guest stars. I would speak.
- 4:47I'm really sad they've only commissioned 6 episodes.
- 4:49Well, maybe just, you know, yeah, dip your feet in the
- 4:53water. Sure.
- 4:54Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I hope eventually they get
- 4:58to a point where it's somebody like, sometimes they'll do like
- 5:01somebody just won the Olympics, They'll get them to host the
- 5:05show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 5:06So it seems really relevant. That's.
- 5:08Still slim pickings in the UK. Oh, we did all right.
- 5:12Winter Games, I think. Were you a fan?
- 5:14Did you watch? Yeah, I love it, man.
- 5:16Yeah, you know what I like? Short track?
- 5:18Speed skating. Oh, I genuinely.
- 5:21Tell me more Short track. Well, if they compete on a rink,
- 5:26as you'd expect, yeah, very, very fast ice gotta be ice or it
- 5:31takes ages and they go really, really, really fast.
- 5:36And it's it's not violent, but there's a.
- 5:38Fall down the line, it's a lot. Of action, yeah, and.
- 5:41Don't they touch the ice as they're turning?
- 5:44They're so they lean, they lean so far over as they do it, it
- 5:48kind of blows my mind. And you only really get a sense
- 5:50of how fast they're going. When they fall and hit the
- 5:53cushions on the outside, you're like, wow, you were travelling,
- 5:57You must have been. So yeah, I love short track.
- 5:59What it what gets me is like you train for four years and then
- 6:03you can just mess up one turn and that's it.
- 6:07Often on the first turn. Yeah, that's it.
- 6:10I had to go with it. Yeah, I know.
- 6:12Just heartbreaking heartbreak. I had to go at short track.
- 6:16You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 6:17And it's really painful, physically painful to do, but I
- 6:20really liked it. This is actually I, I do a
- 6:24segment later on called fill in the blank, OK.
- 6:27And one of the questions is actually about the Winter
- 6:30Olympics. Great.
- 6:31But I'm going to do it now though.
- 6:33Great. It's like if you, with the body
- 6:36and skills that you have, were to enter any Winter Olympics
- 6:41sport right now, which one could you possibly compete in?
- 6:46Like, actually compete in, yeah. Maybe you know.
- 6:49And and, like, not be a total disgrace, yeah.
- 6:53Not like, oh, that's the comedian on the skeleton.
- 6:57Well, yeah. Well, maybe like skeleton, maybe
- 7:04skeleton like I have done skeleton as well.
- 7:07I haven't done it and I'm all together too long for it.
- 7:11Way too long and way too heavy. It's it's hard to manoeuvre I
- 7:16imagine. It's so painful.
- 7:17That's what they don't tell you. So when you like, you go around
- 7:21the ice wall and you wait. So you've done it.
- 7:23I've done. It Yeah, yeah.
- 7:24So you go head first down the thing and you're the sled ends
- 7:28there. So you're just holding your head
- 7:30and as you go around the big bends, the G force like puts
- 7:33your face on the ice. You're in a big helmet so it's
- 7:35fine, but it goes like this. What they don't tell you is when
- 7:38you come out of the turn, if you're not good at it, you hit
- 7:41the ice wall and because your feet are at the back, your feet
- 7:44like go bang. Into the.
- 7:46Ice Wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah it.
- 7:47Hurts. But that's probably the one.
- 7:50The luge I would never do. What if you get a boner on the
- 7:53skeleton from? The vibration.
- 7:56It would be so difficult to manage an erection during
- 7:59skeleton during the luge. That should be the sport during.
- 8:02The luge, it's fine. It's fine.
- 8:05And I'm actually surprised we don't see it more particularly
- 8:08during the double. The double luge?
- 8:11Yeah. One or other or both.
- 8:13Especially if it's someone you know you're going out with
- 8:16fully. Tumescent.
- 8:17That'd be really nice. The double luge is a very
- 8:20strange looking event. Yeah, I want you to know, even
- 8:23though like we don't know each other well, I would do it with
- 8:27you. Thank you.
- 8:29Oh my gosh, you heard it here first.
- 8:32Just. Saying Seinfeld had a great joke
- 8:35about about the luge. He said the luge is the only
- 8:39sport you could take part in against your will.
- 8:44Is this one of those lovely jokes it just keeps building in
- 8:47your head? Like, what would that actually
- 8:48take? Yeah, I like that.
- 8:50How about you? What would you want to sport?
- 8:52You know what I wouldn't do? Well, but I'd like to try a
- 8:57cross country type thing. Yeah.
- 9:00I mean, I'd probably be last, but yeah, I have done it.
- 9:03Last is OK, It's a workout, but I would like to go to a ski
- 9:08lodge that just does cross country and get in super shape.
- 9:13Yeah. Yeah.
- 9:15Right. Yes.
- 9:17Operate ski. Do a little.
- 9:19Operate Ski Pop. Out for a little afternoon.
- 9:22Yeah, yeah. Nice man.
- 9:25Yeah, yeah, I can see it. And also, I mean, what I say
- 9:29like last in the Olympics is still in the Olympics.
- 9:32You know, Maria von Trump and her family opened up a cross
- 9:38country ski lounge in Vermont. Nice.
- 9:43That's what I heard. I'd go so they.
- 9:47'D be singing. Yeah, there would mandatory
- 9:50singing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 9:52Don't get up. We're singing one more.
- 9:55Yeah. 8 of eyes. 8 of eyes. What a beautiful song that is.
- 10:02It's really I genuinely, I find it at the end of that film if I
- 10:06don't know if anyone's made it to the end.
- 10:07It's so, so long. But it's beautiful when he tries
- 10:11to sing it and his voice just starts to crack and out they
- 10:15step and they fill it in for him.
- 10:17Beautiful. I wonder if he really sang that.
- 10:21Oh yeah, good thought. Yeah, I.
- 10:24Hope it was him. Feel like in those days, and I
- 10:26was going to say in those days they did.
- 10:28But they didn't, did they? Because Audrey Hepburn was re
- 10:31dubbed on My Fair Lady and the story goes no one told her.
- 10:36Oh, really? Yeah, news flash here.
- 10:41It is. We don't know.
- 10:42We don't know. Also the boy who played Oliver
- 10:46in Oliver Twist. Didn't sing.
- 10:48No, didn't sing the producer's bastard.
- 10:51Producer's daughter sings Oliver's parts.
- 10:55And actually, to be fair, when you when you hear where is love,
- 11:00you're like, that's not a boy. Bastard.
- 11:03Yeah, the swines. Yeah, Julie Andrews should have
- 11:06got that part in. Yeah, should have got My Fair
- 11:09Lady. Hey, I only figured out
- 11:12recently. I only figured out recently that
- 11:16My Fair Lady is in and of itself, word play.
- 11:21It's how she would say Mayfair lady.
- 11:24No. Well, don't you think like no
- 11:27one's confirmed this to me? My Fair Lady, yeah.
- 11:29I'm a my fair like, especially in the accent she does, yeah.
- 11:33'Cause the original was, it was big million.
- 11:36Yeah, yeah, yeah, Big Million, yeah, 'cause My Fair Lady's
- 11:40quite a strange title for it. Yeah, when you think about it,
- 11:43yeah, unless it's that, if it's Mayfair Lady, but she would say
- 11:46My Fair Lady, it makes sense, right?
- 11:49Yes, again, you heard it here first.
- 11:51Well done, we've got 2 news flashes already.
- 11:55Listen, if we keep this locked into winter sports and musicals.
- 12:01We're on something. I'm in.
- 12:02My element this is what? I've been missing from my
- 12:05podcast is someone that's on top of things, Yeah.
- 12:09The two main things the winter sports and the musicals.
- 12:12Now, Speaking of on top of things, you've been doing a tour
- 12:16for the last year. Yeah.
- 12:19Wow. It's.
- 12:20A good tool. What's that?
- 12:21When you sat down and said you were going to do it, was it for
- 12:25a year or did you keep adding? No, no, I, I kept adding partly
- 12:29because, you know, I'm a dad to a four year old.
- 12:32I got 2 adult kids too, but I dad to a four year old.
- 12:35Thanks, man. And so I didn't want to lock it
- 12:39in. Yeah, it's it's crazy.
- 12:41Like he's fun. He's so fun, but wow, wow, he's
- 12:46exhausting you. Take him on stage.
- 12:49Never, never. He's actually seen because my
- 12:53wife Rachel is a stand up too, and he's seen us both do stand
- 12:56up at festivals. And he was so uninterested.
- 12:59I thought this must be strange for him.
- 13:01Yeah, to see like we're in a microphone, we're being
- 13:04amplified and there's hundreds of people all laughing at us.
- 13:07And he was so not interested. Well.
- 13:09Unless you're like a giant rabbit or something, yeah, I
- 13:12don't think. He's, Oh, you've seen the show?
- 13:14Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 13:15But. But it's good, man.
- 13:17I, I really, I write when I tour.
- 13:21I write to a brief now instead of going here's all the funny
- 13:24thoughts I had. I go, here's a subject I'm
- 13:28interested in, and then I write to that brief.
- 13:32See now that I would think is hard.
- 13:35Well, I think it in a way it is, but there are two things to it.
- 13:39One, I've been a standard for a really long time.
- 13:41So if I just wait until enough funny things have occurred to
- 13:44me, it could be years between right, right, right.
- 13:47And two, and this is I guess more important, is like my shows
- 13:51are not a Ted Talk, but I do like to come off stage feeling
- 13:54like, no, I, I said the thing I meant.
- 13:56People have learned things I. I said, I said what I meant like
- 13:59this show is about men and it's about the perceived.
- 14:04And I guess no, it's not perceived the absolute lostness
- 14:07of men like which is flaly men this.
- 14:12Is like head on the topic that people are talking about now?
- 14:16Yeah, yeah, because, because the the progressive answer to men
- 14:22being lost is only just making it's voice heard.
- 14:25Now having realised that the, you know, the the Menonists, the
- 14:30Andrew Tates and all those guys were really quick to go.
- 14:33Our people are lonely. Cool, cool.
- 14:36We know what to do with that and there's money to be made from
- 14:39it. So the Menonists stepped up,
- 14:41filled the gap, destroyed loads of people's lives, I thought.
- 14:45You said Mennonites, the Mennonites.
- 14:47The Mennonites are lost. Drink milk.
- 14:53You heard it here first. Yeah.
- 14:56So the kind of the the slow progressive response.
- 14:59There are they are slower. Way slower, but it's that thing,
- 15:04isn't it? You know a lie has gone twice
- 15:06around the world before the truth has had time to put his
- 15:08boots on. And the slow response is the
- 15:10one. It takes time.
- 15:13So how? Are you as a man?
- 15:15You seem fine. I think I'm OK, yeah.
- 15:18But whether I'm showing my kids what it's like to be a man, I
- 15:25think I'm OK. Yeah.
- 15:27Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- 15:30I mean, that's it, isn't it? Like.
- 15:32Because I heard one thing recently, like a lot of boys
- 15:39especially are living with their parents quite a long time.
- 15:44So I'm settling into, you know, having their room there.
- 15:49Well, you know what the? Walker.
- 15:53My eldest son, my 23 year old, just moved out like 2 weeks ago.
- 15:58That's pretty young. Yeah, it's really young.
- 16:00It's really. Young, he's moved in with a
- 16:02flatmate and it's all it's all good, good for him.
- 16:04I'm really proud of him because that's not easy.
- 16:07Like my daughter, who's younger, has already moved out, but the
- 16:12pathway for her was different and that it has been a tougher
- 16:16Rd for him. So I'm really proud of him
- 16:18because it was a really gutsy thing to do.
- 16:20And I've been away a lot since he moved out.
- 16:22And then I was home the other day.
- 16:24And his alarm clock is a gorilla's tune.
- 16:27And usually I hear it and then I go upstairs and I go, are you
- 16:32up? He doesn't need me to because he
- 16:34knows what he's doing. But I like it.
- 16:36I like dadding. Yeah, Yeah.
- 16:38And. Dadding, yeah.
- 16:40Dadding's great. And then I, I got up and there
- 16:44was no gorillas. I I was so sad.
- 16:46Thank God there's a four year old there to fill that gap, to
- 16:50be my emotional support rock, you know?
- 16:53But yeah, how old are yours? 13 and 11.
- 16:57OK, so you should expect them to still be living at home.
- 17:00I should. You should.
- 17:01Yeah, you should. I check every morning.
- 17:04Yeah. They still here.
- 17:05Good for you guys in the bed. Good for you.
- 17:08Welcome. Yeah.
- 17:09Yeah, but it's so different from.
- 17:13I mean, I don't know about your upbringing, but I know that you
- 17:18did lots of things when you were younger.
- 17:21Yeah. Would you do the same?
- 17:23Would you tell your kid like because you, you worked on an
- 17:27oil rig? I did.
- 17:29I did. Would you tell you?
- 17:30Was a podium dancer not on the rig?
- 17:33True story, but overlapping like so I worked on the rig and in my
- 17:37time away from the rig I was a podium dancer.
- 17:40Seriously, I was living the life of Alex the welder from
- 17:44Flashdance. There is your book right there.
- 17:48You'd think, right? Oh.
- 17:49My God, where were you doing the podium dancing?
- 17:52So it started at Ministry of Sound.
- 17:57Oh my God, so the. Story.
- 17:59The stories are weird. Around anymore.
- 18:02No, Well, I think that I don't know.
- 18:04As a label it's still there. I don't know if the club's even
- 18:06there. But when Ministry opened was
- 18:08when I was really into dance music, I had I had more than
- 18:13halved my body weight the year before I'd gone from from.
- 18:17Dancing 20. 4 stone to 11 stone in under a year.
- 18:21Yeah. And so dancing felt great.
- 18:24I was like, this is amazing. Like my body's this brand new
- 18:28thing. So I just went out dancing and I
- 18:30loved it. And then I was, I went to
- 18:32ministry every weekend, sometimes Friday and Saturday
- 18:36because they had there was no liquor licence, right.
- 18:39So no one was drinking. Yeah, everyone but me was on
- 18:41drugs. I was already sober.
- 18:42So I couldn't. But I just went and just danced
- 18:46and danced and danced. And then one night the like the
- 18:49head of their the kind of dance crews that they put on there
- 18:53this. Guy's crazy, you're going to
- 18:55hire him. That's exactly.
- 18:57Yeah. They were like, he came up to me
- 18:58and he went like, oh, do you want to?
- 19:01Because I wasn't, I wasn't even that good of a dancer, but my
- 19:05God, I was exuberant. Yeah.
- 19:06Yeah. And the whole thing for me,
- 19:08having lost all of that weight so quickly, was about filling
- 19:12space. It was all about just like it
- 19:15was. So everything was about joy and
- 19:18just. What was your big?
- 19:20What was your big move? It was I could dance, I could
- 19:25dance very fast. So at that time, like voguing
- 19:29had come from voguing had been popularised by Madonna, but had
- 19:32come out of the gay scene and and then had like moved itself
- 19:38across. So there were a lot of like very
- 19:40big, just big arms moves that you would then combine with your
- 19:45body moving very, very fast. And it felt, they just felt
- 19:49good, man. Yes, play some music.
- 19:52Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know?
- 19:54Years later, I did that show. I did what?
- 19:57I lied to you. Oh, I love that.
- 19:59Yeah, it's such a great show, but they managed to like hand
- 20:03clap, force me into getting up and dancing, and now I have some
- 20:07regrets about things I've done on the screen.
- 20:09That's a really big one. No, but here's the thing though,
- 20:13if you want to them to fall for. Yes.
- 20:19Don't you do a a deliberately bad?
- 20:21Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should have done, should have
- 20:23done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 20:25But it was fun and yeah, so I worked.
- 20:27I was on the rig for like I do 3-4 weeks on the rig and then a
- 20:31week or two off. And in the time off I was
- 20:33dancing and the rig was wild. So what I'm trying to say is
- 20:38full circle is if your son said hey, I'd like to, instead of
- 20:42going to school right now, I'd like to try working on an oil
- 20:46rig. I'd be like, go for it, man, OK,
- 20:49do that thing. But his, you know, like his
- 20:53generation, anything that they suggest that's outside, like I'm
- 20:59nearly at the point where if he went, I would really like to be
- 21:02in the military. I'm like, listen, as long as
- 21:04you're outside and with other people, I'm here for it.
- 21:06Walking. Around yeah, yeah, yeah,
- 21:07because. They, it's, they would, it's
- 21:10not. I mean, listen, he does great.
- 21:11He does all sorts of cool and interesting and fun things, but
- 21:14their generation, they were Generation 1.
- 21:17We just gave them phones when they were ten.
- 21:19Yeah, yeah. We didn't know it was if they
- 21:21were the first lot. We went.
- 21:22Look, every single thing is on here.
- 21:25Best of luck. The.
- 21:25Experiment, yeah. Yeah, and, and, you know, like
- 21:29they're screwed. They're really screwed.
- 21:31I like it when they socialise. You're going over to a friends.
- 21:36That's great, yes. Yes, that's awesome.
- 21:39You talk to someone, you talk to a stranger in a van.
- 21:43That's great. That's so great.
- 21:45That is you, candy. Get in the van, see where you
- 21:50might end up sometimes not knowing where you're going.
- 21:53Is part of the journey, is part of the.
- 21:55Thing we didn't know where we were going.
- 21:57No, when we were young, often we didn't even have a have a plan.
- 22:01Yeah, we would go out and just out.
- 22:03Would you go out and play and then just or a day?
- 22:07And and our parents and, and statistically we were at greater
- 22:13risk than they are now. Like the chances of abduction
- 22:16and such were still relatively very low, but they're way higher
- 22:20than they are now. Crazy guy down the street, but.
- 22:23That thing, right? Did you get on your bike and
- 22:25just go? Yes.
- 22:26Yeah. That was good.
- 22:28That was really good. But we.
- 22:30Didn't know any better. No, Yeah, yeah.
- 22:33I mean, it was wonderful. We would.
- 22:36Me and various friends would just get on the bike and
- 22:38disappear. Would.
- 22:39You think that's part of the the thing now with kids or is?
- 22:44It would be great. Manning.
- 22:46Yeah, I mean, in Japan they have this thing right where from the
- 22:50age of four or five, they all walk to school unaccompanied.
- 22:55Well, they have that TV show, right?
- 22:57Yeah, Yeah. That's.
- 22:58Fascinating, right? They send a toddler out with a
- 23:01shopping list and remotely film them and see what they come back
- 23:05with. Now they've, I think they've
- 23:07heightened it a bit. They give them like a scalpel
- 23:09and they have to do surgery or something.
- 23:12Yeah, Japan. What a countryman.
- 23:15What? A country?
- 23:16What a country. Yeah, fair play to them.
- 23:19What are you up to? Japan.
- 23:21What are you up to? I don't know.
- 23:23I've been. Have you been?
- 23:24No, I want to go. That's the furthest from home
- 23:27I've ever found. I.
- 23:27Want to bring the kids? Yeah.
- 23:29Fascinating. They can't.
- 23:31I, I think I'm right in saying there's no gambling, right?
- 23:35They're not allowed to to gamble, at least in public.
- 23:38I'm sure there's gambling, but in the arcades they have this.
- 23:42It's like a kind of slot machine.
- 23:44Petinka. Tipping ball bearings into it.
- 23:47Yeah, yeah. And they you'd buy like a bucket
- 23:50of ball bearings and then tip them in the machine and then
- 23:53either more ball bearings come out or les ball bearings come
- 23:57out. Jinko parlours.
- 23:59Yeah, yeah. What are they?
- 24:01I've no idea. I watched for hours going.
- 24:05I think that guy has more ball bearings.
- 24:07He's really good at getting more ball bearings than the other
- 24:10guy. The other guys like none, maybe
- 24:131. So how did you get make the
- 24:15transition from doing oil rigging dancing to to comedy?
- 24:22I, I mean, yeah, well, I wanted to go to drama school, so I had
- 24:30the oil rig and the dancing and all of that was of partly a
- 24:34function of I had no qualifications at all.
- 24:37Like I left school with nothing, Everything fell apart and I had
- 24:42like 1 plan and it was drama school because there was one
- 24:46thing I'd been at least moderately good at and it was
- 24:49performing. And so I was like, the only
- 24:52thing I knew was go to drama school, train, go be an I
- 24:55didn't. Know what to do?
- 24:56I had. No clue.
- 24:57So I tried to go to drama school and I didn't.
- 24:59They were like, no, thank you. These everyone else has prepared
- 25:03this properly. You've just walked in here like
- 25:05normal posh people expecting the door would be held.
- 25:08Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right.
- 25:09So I had no plan. And my best friend, I was really
- 25:13sad and he took me out for lunch and he said you should do
- 25:15comedy, you're funny. And I was like, I don't know, I
- 25:18don't know, you can just do comedy.
- 25:20And that man is he. Did it.
- 25:22He booked my first Mitchell. That's David Mitchell.
- 25:25And he held the door open for me.
- 25:26And that was like, no, he he genuinely, a day later he phoned
- 25:31me and he said I've booked you a gig, it's next week.
- 25:33That's great. Yeah.
- 25:34And he came with me and like, where did you do your first
- 25:39well? I sort of didn't do it during
- 25:42school, right? And then I went to Chicago,
- 25:45right, Because that's where they had all the improv and sketch
- 25:48comedy. So that's where I started.
- 25:51And then, you know, stand up came later.
- 25:54But yeah. Did you do Second City?
- 25:56Yes. Amazing.
- 25:58Yeah. You know, I tried to open.
- 26:00I'm so glad it didn't work out. I tried to open a branch of
- 26:03Second City in London. You did, yeah.
- 26:05Because I was so like. That's amazing.
- 26:08I. Was so, and in fact, you know,
- 26:10there were tonnes of, of equivalent things, you know what
- 26:14happens at, at the Bill Murray and the FA and all the rest of
- 26:17it. There are tonnes of people doing
- 26:19like better versions of it. But because I, there wasn't
- 26:23anything like that, I was like, well, then we need that.
- 26:27And so I like I made phone calls and like I say, thank God it
- 26:30didn't work out because I can, you know, like like I could just
- 26:35go on stage now and just start a thing and we'll see.
- 26:38No script more script or a stand up show or if I can dance it.
- 26:42I don't whatever, you know, but I can't run a business.
- 26:47Yeah, it is. Going to end up running a
- 26:49business. The thing that struck me about
- 26:51it was it's like a structured school, yeah, of improv, whereas
- 26:58it seems like they don't have the the equivalent for drama
- 27:02here as they do for comedy. Comedy's like, yeah, get up on
- 27:06stage, but it's hard sometimes. Yeah, at least it is for me.
- 27:11Because if you have like a thing like school, because we're used
- 27:16to school and then you get on this stage and then you perform
- 27:20and do this, that it makes it easier to transition 100% yeah.
- 27:26I. Mean we're we're lucky now in
- 27:28the UK like the free association yeah and other organisations are
- 27:33doing amazing work like making it possible for people to learn
- 27:38some craft and and get really good like the standard of
- 27:42improvises like people who I don't know and then you see them
- 27:46in. Skills.
- 27:47Oh my. God, they have so many, so much
- 27:49skill. Exactly.
- 27:50I'm glad you said skill, not talent.
- 27:51I'm so uninterested in talent. Yeah.
- 27:53Yeah. What?
- 27:54A What A Forget what A. Lie that ran that's run for
- 27:57years. Obviously they're so talented.
- 28:00Talent's not worth shit. Loads of people are talented.
- 28:02Yes, skills. Skills being skills.
- 28:06You heard it here. Yeah, Yeah, so but yeah, so he,
- 28:10my friend booked my first gig for me and all we all I had
- 28:14seen, I'd seen a lot of stand up on TV because I bought the VHSS
- 28:20and just watched again and again and again.
- 28:23Robin Williams live at the Met was the one like.
- 28:27They went nuts there. Was a time in my life when I
- 28:29could just say the whole of Robin Williams live at the I
- 28:34just knew it. I'd watched it that many times.
- 28:36But I used to go to the Comedy Store and watch the players,
- 28:40Yes. And I'd seen that and I was
- 28:42like, this is magical. And then I did a gig and that
- 28:45was that. So the transition was like, it
- 28:48was really quick and really sudden.
- 28:50And do you know what? Honestly, it's such a kind of
- 28:52cliche, but while I was still on stage at the very end of that
- 28:57seven minute set, I was like, Yep, this is it.
- 29:00Really. This is what I'm for.
- 29:01Your mind, I knew I. Just knew.
- 29:04Absolutely, that's great. None of which is to say I was
- 29:07good at it. I did 7 minutes, of which the
- 29:10first five were dog shit, but the last two minutes where I ran
- 29:15out of the stuff that I'd prepared that I was on.
- 29:18That's when the gold comes. And then I was like, oh, and I
- 29:22started to feel something like, yeah, it's hard to say what, but
- 29:28I felt something. And I just was like, this is it?
- 29:32It came out in you, yeah. From the first gig and then I
- 29:36was booked, I was hungry. Like I could not gig enough.
- 29:42I went to like everyone who went to Bristol Uni.
- 29:45I meant to go to Cambridge. I was aiming for Cambridge,
- 29:49missed it by miles, went to Bristol and expected to find a.
- 29:52Lot of people went to Bristol, Yeah, yeah.
- 29:54Good, good people. Matt Lucas had been.
- 29:56Simon Pegg, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 29:58And Chris Morris, although Chris had not, he'd done a biology
- 30:03degree, I think anyway. But when I went to Bristol, they
- 30:06said to me, and I said it was in a comedy.
- 30:08They were like, OK, but you're not going to do like half your
- 30:11degree and then quit, are you? And I went, no.
- 30:13And they went because we've just had this guy, Matt Lucas, and he
- 30:17came and he did half his degree and then he left and I went,
- 30:19yeah, but he's Matt Lucas. Like that's not going to happen.
- 30:22I did half my degree and then quit.
- 30:25I got, listen, I got ATV show. What can I tell?
- 30:27You. How did you tell them?
- 30:29I let them know in increments by not showing up.
- 30:33They know it under the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 30:35And then I was, I was sad to leave.
- 30:37And I stayed in Bristol for what would have been my third year
- 30:41because I was working with, do you know, Danny Robbins and Dan
- 30:44Tetzel. You may have, you'd have seen
- 30:47them around. Like, they're both phenomenal.
- 30:50And I owe them like such a massive debt of gratitude
- 30:54because I'm not a great writer. I've had moments I've done, I've
- 30:59written some stuff I'm really proud of.
- 31:00But compared to them, compared, no, but compared to them,
- 31:04really. And so most of what we made,
- 31:09like I made it. They were funny, really funny.
- 31:13I made it very funny on stage. I just was like on stage.
- 31:17I just something. I felt I knew exactly what I was
- 31:20doing. But they could write and
- 31:22perform, you know? So we made a lot of stuff
- 31:25together and by the time I finished what would have been my
- 31:28third year then I was just flying maybe.
- 31:30An honorary degree down the road.
- 31:33Why down the road? Why not now?
- 31:36Why? Not now.
- 31:36Now. 'S the time come.
- 31:38On people, I would. Love an honorary degree please.
- 31:41If you're out there and you're involved with Bristol alums.
- 31:46Yeah. When did you come to the UK
- 31:48then? I started doing so I was in
- 31:52Second City touring, yeah. And then I started doing
- 31:56Edinburgh. Cool.
- 31:57And then we got. We did the simple.
- 31:59Show Who was your gang in Edinburgh?
- 32:04What was our group? Yeah.
- 32:06Was that like a second city group or?
- 32:08No, it was like we were in this theatre called the Annoyance
- 32:12Theatre. And so we improvised a
- 32:15university lecture, and we get a weird scientific hypothesis.
- 32:21Like, you know, the Earth is shaped like a giant burrito.
- 32:24We'd have to teach as, and they would give you a discipline.
- 32:28Like they'd say gynaecology, and we'd say something else.
- 32:34But yeah, so we do it for an hour and it got really popular.
- 32:38And we've got a manager here, and I just wound up staying
- 32:42here, Right? And then we toured all over the
- 32:45place. And then finally we broke up.
- 32:47And then I just, you know, got my own yeah yeah thing here.
- 32:51Funny enough I did a show. I wish I could remember what it
- 32:54was called now. So there was what was the stand
- 32:58up show where you got a prompt? Oh yeah.
- 33:03Paul Provenza, Paul. Provenza did it, yeah, but they
- 33:06did another one. Setlist.
- 33:08Setlist was that one, but they did another one which was really
- 33:11cool, very similar to the thing you did.
- 33:13I mean, I would say a straight RIP off actually, where you were
- 33:16introduced as a kind of lecturer and you had a slideshow and they
- 33:25would give you a topic and you would just, yeah, you'd just
- 33:28start to improvise and you go now, now, as this demonstrates.
- 33:32And you would have to try and like just keep it going, man.
- 33:35That's. Very fun.
- 33:37You can. Feel so alive when you're doing
- 33:39stuff like that if. Sometimes we do a class and, you
- 33:42know, we'd all be over them, all over the map, but it would be
- 33:45funny. But then sometimes it all came
- 33:47together and then it was just like a magical event.
- 33:51Yeah. Well, my wife Rachel does
- 33:53ostentatious, so they do in full period costume, an improvised
- 33:59Jane Austen. Oh, that's great.
- 34:01They get a title and nothing else.
- 34:03They just said they go Jane Austen wrote wrote six books,
- 34:07Pride and Prejudice and the others, but actually she wrote
- 34:10hundreds and we're going to perform on for you tonight.
- 34:12Then they get the title and they do the whole thing in costumes.
- 34:16They know they're shit. But and I've improvised with
- 34:19most of the people in that group and I'm married to one of them
- 34:22and I still go and see that show and I'm like, how are you doing
- 34:27that? Like, it's very funny, always
- 34:31very funny, but also a compelling narrative and
- 34:34sometimes even a moving ending where you're like, yeah, that's
- 34:38so. Like I would pay to see that.
- 34:40It's amazing. They underscore it with they
- 34:43have a violin or chalice. Yeah, it's like.
- 34:47Telling you. I've never liked magic like
- 34:50proper magic, you know, Like magician magic.
- 34:52Well. That's ridiculous.
- 34:54Sure, but I really like that because that is a conjuring act.
- 34:59It is magic like. Anything other, it's literally
- 35:01this thing didn't exist and now it does, yeah.
- 35:04And I'm so enchanted by it. And then it's all gone.
- 35:08Exactly. Yeah.
- 35:10So that when you do a good, when you do a fun improv show, it's
- 35:14like you've just done a sporting event.
- 35:16Yeah. So everybody wants to celebrate.
- 35:19Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you can't.
- 35:19Go to sleep. It's.
- 35:21Great. And all the stories when you're
- 35:23like, this great thing happened and you try and tell someone,
- 35:26they're always like, oh, that sounds great.
- 35:28That's great because. You had because it's this one
- 35:31time thing. You have to be.
- 35:32That's why I don't think it never transcends to TV.
- 35:37They've always tried to do improv on TV, but you're missing
- 35:41that element of you are on a a high wire.
- 35:45Yeah. And then?
- 35:46Did you see what's his name? Is it Ben Schwartz?
- 35:48Is that his name in the improviser?
- 35:51Like he's done some stuff. He's great.
- 35:53Like a a film stage version where it feels like you can see,
- 35:59like you can definitely see it's being improvised and I think
- 36:02that's some of the best on screen improv I've seen.
- 36:05Yeah, you've got to know. You've got to know that it's
- 36:09being made-up. Yes, it's that it's key.
- 36:12And somehow that's really hard to convey in a trustworthy way,
- 36:17especially. Now with I, you know, did.
- 36:19You ever do or see? Thank God you're here.
- 36:23Thank God you're here, man. That was fun.
- 36:26It only ran on TV here, maybe one or two series, but here's
- 36:29what they do, right? You show up and you don't know
- 36:33what's going to happen. Oh yes, yes, and then they put.
- 36:35A costume on you, They open a door and the first line of the
- 36:39other performers is, thank God, you're here.
- 36:42And then you're just in a scene and they have a skeleton script
- 36:45so they know where it's going and you're just playing along.
- 36:49And again, I'm like, how is this?
- 36:52How is this my job? This is the most fun.
- 36:54It's great. Oh.
- 36:55Man love it so. You, you were doing stand up in
- 37:00school. At uni, yeah, lots.
- 37:04And then you got ATV gig, so you were simultaneously on TV doing
- 37:09stand up. So we were so lucky, Dan Tetzel,
- 37:12Danny Robbins and me. Our sketch show was called Club
- 37:15Seals and we there was a bunch of us and then there was just
- 37:19the three of us and we were doing fun and interesting stuff.
- 37:22But the BBC at that time were commissioning 10 minute comedy
- 37:27shows. Do it again.
- 37:31Do it again. Come on, you.
- 37:34Know Rob Brydon did Marion and Jeff right and Rob was, you
- 37:38know, like he was already very brilliant and stuff, but he had
- 37:41the space. No, he wasn't, but he did like
- 37:45these 10 minute things. This guy sitting in his car, I.
- 37:49Remember that and. And it and it's beautiful and
- 37:51like, I really love Rob as a comic performer.
- 37:54I don't know if you saw human remains.
- 37:56Human remains. That's one of the best things
- 37:58I've ever seen. Yeah.
- 37:59It's beautiful. Yeah.
- 38:01And so he did that, and we did a show called We Are History,
- 38:04which is spoof history documentaries.
- 38:06And I was a historian called Doctor David Oxley.
- 38:10And we would do a mixture of like history presenting, but
- 38:14also like before, there was lots of like fake camera trickery
- 38:20stuff. But we would show up somewhere
- 38:23and say a group of local enthusiasts believe this is the
- 38:27site of Bodosia's last stand against the Romans.
- 38:29And we would love to re enact that right in this Asda in
- 38:33Bedminster. And this, this was the pilot
- 38:36episode. And they genuinely went well.
- 38:38You have to check with Libby on Delhi, but I'm sure that's fine.
- 38:42And we just like, and we did it in the supermarket.
- 38:45It was amazing. We painted, there were shoppers
- 38:47in there and we painted their faces.
- 38:48Cutting the meat it. Was incredible.
- 38:51So yes, we did this series called We Are History, and then
- 38:54we did a couple of those. So that was the show.
- 38:56It was only 10 minutes, but I say only you need.
- 39:00It was all we need. And it was also all we could do.
- 39:03It was all we could manage. Yeah.
- 39:05And then the audience got this. Great thing and they were really
- 39:09great. You need.
- 39:10To do that again, yeah. It was so good.
- 39:12What's delightful is I now know a few like proper historians, TV
- 39:18historians, and there's one in particular who said to me, like
- 39:23she occasionally when she's presenting, she'll stop and go,
- 39:27stop, stop, stop. We can't.
- 39:28This is 2. We are history.
- 39:30We're being too. We are history.
- 39:32And that's that's what I mean about crediting Dan and Danny
- 39:35like they were the ones they could do that.
- 39:38You influenced historians. They could, they could see that
- 39:41stuff and they could write it and and, you know, away it is.
- 39:45Yeah, it was great man. Good times.
- 39:47So you did, you did those shorts and then you you just started
- 39:54getting more TV stuff. Yeah.
- 39:56Loads. I mean, I was also getting some
- 40:00work on TV as a stand up. Yeah, you know, like the stand
- 40:03up show. And I won a yeah, I won a
- 40:06competition in Edinburgh which they filmed and and put out and
- 40:09stuff like that. So yeah, I was on in a couple of
- 40:12capacities both as an actor and as a stand up, which, you know,
- 40:17there was no plan because I mean, who could plan?
- 40:19But. That's the way to do it.
- 40:21Yeah, exactly you. Just got to sort like I didn't.
- 40:24Everyone goes, oh, how did you fashion your English?
- 40:28Kind of, yeah. It's like I was just over here.
- 40:31I heard Edinburgh was fun, so I came one time.
- 40:33Exactly. Yeah.
- 40:35And then I met and then. Yeah.
- 40:37And that's how it was. I mean, my mum, I had a period
- 40:40where where I lost sight of the balance between work and living.
- 40:45I was working too often. And she found this thing in a
- 40:49junk shop somewhere. And it just says, well, yes.
- 40:52And she bought it for me. She's a piece of art, just says,
- 40:54oh, well, yes. And she went, I saw this and I
- 40:56assume this is you on the phone to everyone.
- 40:59And it was, I still have it up on the wall.
- 41:02It's true. Because the answer always was
- 41:05like, do you want to do this thing?
- 41:06And I go, well, yes. And you know, no regrets, but I
- 41:12did just say yes to everyone. It's the.
- 41:14Improviser in you right? Yes.
- 41:16And yes, and well, yes, OK, absolutely.
- 41:20So when you're touring now, is there any particular thing that
- 41:26you like to do ritual like, because you used to tour quite a
- 41:30bit, yeah. Yeah, yeah, tonnes is.
- 41:32How has that changed? Well, I've changed it.
- 41:34I mean, I I can tell you a a serious answer.
- 41:38You can tell it's serious because I'm holding onto myself.
- 41:40Yeah, yeah, yeah. For years and years I have for
- 41:42some reason on the road, said no to everybody who wanted to meet
- 41:46up, Friends who'd come to the show.
- 41:48I'd be on the road and they'd go, oh, we come to the show you
- 41:51want. To drink afterwards, do you?
- 41:53Want to have a bite or dah dah, dah, and I'd always go oh, oh,
- 41:57I'd love to. I'm actually going straight off
- 42:00or I'd really love to, but I'll be I won't get there till right
- 42:03before the show and I don't know what I was doing other than I
- 42:07think I thought I had something to protect.
- 42:09Yes. And now not only do I say yes, I
- 42:14track people down and I'm like, I'm going to be within 50 miles
- 42:17of where you live. I'm coming to see you.
- 42:20And weirdly, for the first time in 25 years of touring, I feel
- 42:25fine. I feel really good.
- 42:26I'm not lonely. I'm not sad.
- 42:28My mind is not. I'm not at the, I'm in the like
- 42:32the last month and 1/2 of a tour that's lasted for a year.
- 42:36And I feel as good as I did when it started because I'm not
- 42:40alone. And when I am alone few days in
- 42:42a row, I make sure I go for long walks.
- 42:45I make sure you know, I go. I don't sit in a hotel room.
- 42:50I go out and I and I start conversations with people and
- 42:53see what happens. Because if you do repetitive
- 42:56things, you kind of burn yourself out.
- 42:58Yeah, man. Oh, another hotel.
- 43:00Yeah. Another rider with an angular
- 43:03cheese. Yes.
- 43:04Exactly. And I've always been like, I
- 43:06think what I thought was that the, the, the touring version of
- 43:10me was quite an ugly version, like a bit selfish, a bit full
- 43:16of like the adrenaline of the show and that I couldn't or
- 43:20shouldn't be around other people, You know, like stand up
- 43:24is is not uniquely selfish, but it's a very selfish thing to do.
- 43:31And there, and there is a mindset to it for sure.
- 43:33But also that's for the stage. And it's only taken me 25 years
- 43:37to figure this out, No? No, it is a thing.
- 43:39It is not many, not everybody can do it.
- 43:43I. Also do gratitude list before I
- 43:45go on stage. So I do gratitude list.
- 43:48I, I, I pray. I guess there's a way, a thing
- 43:51you could say like I don't really believe in a God who can
- 43:56hear me when I pray, but I do pray before I go on stage.
- 44:01And the form the prayer takes is a kind of gratitude list.
- 44:04And the gratitude list is I kind of look upwards.
- 44:07So I guess I'm just borrowing from whatever conceptions have
- 44:11gone out given. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 44:15Oh, Matt, who are on telly. And the gratitude list is this
- 44:21thing of just like these people have come out, some have paid
- 44:26for a babysitter, you know, and they've come out just to see me.
- 44:31And I just try and like not in a, not to freak me out, fuel the
- 44:35ego, but just to go like, thank you so much for this.
- 44:39This is amazing. And I, I then go on stage with
- 44:46a, with a big, very joyful heart, really joyful.
- 44:49And and that's very helpful with what I do because a lot of what
- 44:51I do on stage, a lot of what I want to talk about, it's pretty
- 44:54serious. Yeah.
- 44:55You know that big joyful hearts. Just helpful, right?
- 44:59Yeah. Same with.
- 44:59Yeah. It's kind of the same with
- 45:01improv, I mean, or even more so. You get to park everything,
- 45:06leave it behind and play. Yes.
- 45:08I mean, how many adults get to just play?
- 45:11Yeah. But it's also about no matter
- 45:13what's what you're doing, you know, with kids or whatever,
- 45:17you've just got to blank your mind.
- 45:20Yeah. And just have fun.
- 45:21Yes, exactly. Exactly.
- 45:24It's difficult, but I mean, you've come to the you've come
- 45:27to that place, yeah. But it's really, it's such a
- 45:31treat, isn't it? I mean, I just, OK, do you know
- 45:34what? When it's not a treat, it bumps
- 45:37the trick so hard against against my expectations of it
- 45:41that I feel really thrown. If I'm in an improv show or even
- 45:45like occasionally a tour show, that's not that.
- 45:49I haven't kind of like hooked in and we're away, you know, then I
- 45:52feel so thrown. And so it's really strange, but.
- 45:55That comes with experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 46:00Now, so you have lots of different interests now and
- 46:07when? Because you have some kind of a
- 46:09relationship with cheese. I really do.
- 46:12How did that all get started? Well, it's you.
- 46:15Know blurred. I I wish I knew blood.
- 46:18Well, I yeah, it was Alex James. Yeah.
- 46:21I mean, he makes good cheese, you know, he does.
- 46:22It started off as like, yeah, sure, fine.
- 46:25But they have really good cheese.
- 46:26It's really good. So, well, what happened?
- 46:30It all relates back to I half my body weight in under a year,
- 46:34right. 24 stone to 11 stone. That happened mostly when I
- 46:38stopped eating sugar, so I haven't eaten sugar for 30
- 46:41something years. Are you shitting me?
- 46:43I like I have some things that have some sugar in, like I eat
- 46:47ketchup has a lot of sugar. But you.
- 46:50Really. You know, like I don't.
- 46:51I no longer drink ketchup. Or soft drinks.
- 46:55I don't drink any like and I don't do like Diet Coke or
- 46:59anything like that either. I just find it easier.
- 47:01To live around. No, no.
- 47:03So misunderstood. That was a great advert, wasn't
- 47:07it? You remember that, Doctor
- 47:08Pepper? So I misunderstood.
- 47:10What a lovely claim for it. Anyway, so I stopped eating
- 47:13sugar. So then I didn't have any
- 47:15desserts. I never would go out and I'd
- 47:18never, ever, ever have a dessert.
- 47:19And I would, therefore, if I wanted to join in, I'd just have
- 47:23cheese. And I was pretty ambivalent.
- 47:24About cheese Cheese was your dessert.
- 47:26Cheese was. My dessert.
- 47:27And then you start to notice that most restaurants, even
- 47:31really good ones, serve terrible cheese.
- 47:35Cheese straight from the fridge, Cheese that they cut in advance
- 47:38so it's dried out and curled up, Cheese.
- 47:41They have no knowledge of its provenance or where it's from.
- 47:45Mostly chefs don't care about cheese because cheese is a thing
- 47:48they buy and serve. But.
- 47:49Just keep it there's. Nothing there like cuts.
- 47:52Whatever man. And then you go and you have
- 47:55cheese somewhere special where the cheese board is full of
- 47:59stories and a proper someone goes, well, this is this.
- 48:05And this we have at the moment because it's in season.
- 48:07This is only made here. And this is our local cheese.
- 48:11Exactly. And you suddenly go, oh, this
- 48:13story's here. And anything with a story is
- 48:16better. Anything with a story is better,
- 48:19right? And and so I started to like,
- 48:22know what those stories are. And then you're suddenly in a
- 48:25world of, oh, there's something to learn here.
- 48:28And then I said appreciate it. And then I went and got
- 48:30qualified and now I'm a judge at the World Cheese Awards.
- 48:33How? How do you get qualified?
- 48:36Oh. Rich, it's the best job ever.
- 48:38Really. Yeah.
- 48:39It's it's you get to eat cheese. Yeah, sometimes they get paid to
- 48:43eat cheese. I get cheese for free all the
- 48:46time because of what I now do because they.
- 48:48Say wine enthusiasts are secret Alcoholics.
- 48:52Yeah, well, I'm so. What does that make you?
- 48:54Yeah. For sure a Kurd nerd.
- 48:58So I went off, I went, there's the Academy of Cheese and I went
- 49:01and did my training with them. So I've I've all I have is
- 49:05enough for me to judge at the World Cheese Awards.
- 49:08I'm only a level 1. You can go up to level 4 now.
- 49:10Level 5. The training involved.
- 49:12So it's there. And it's there.
- 49:14Music. Music montage in the training,
- 49:17Yeah. There is and it's big, it's
- 49:18powerful. Can he do it?
- 49:24Can he finish this huge piece of Brie?
- 49:27I did do a cheese and jazz pairing event that was great.
- 49:31It was really fun. So the, the training is
- 49:34basically familiarising yourself with makes of cheese types.
- 49:40And therefore then the expectation about, well, this
- 49:43type of cheese should look and smell and taste like this.
- 49:47And so you, you get to know the difference between good and bad,
- 49:50understanding the basics of like, why is cheese cheese?
- 49:56Why isn't, why isn't it just milk?
- 49:58Or why is this milk that's gone off nice and this milk has gone
- 50:03off not nice? So would they ever go Which one
- 50:05of these is cheese and not cheese?
- 50:07Well, they would, they wouldn't go what's not cheese, but they'd
- 50:10go there's a brick like what is. Yeah, exactly.
- 50:13That's definitely, that's definitely made of soil.
- 50:18But they would, you know, they'd expect you to know the
- 50:21difference between the types of mould that make a different
- 50:25cheese. So Penicillium Rock 40 is, is
- 50:28the blue, but that's the basis of all blue cheese.
- 50:33And then Penicillium Camembert, which is Camembert, that's the
- 50:37basis of the exterior mould ripened cheeses.
- 50:41And then there's loads of like different funky bacteria that
- 50:45make different cheeses what they are.
- 50:47But a lot of it's like about how the proteins knit together and
- 50:51why one cheese will have a really delightful texture and
- 50:55something else like that's fine. I think this is how COVID got
- 50:59started. That's right, that's right.
- 51:00Just people fucking around. What is the biggest thing error
- 51:06that the layman makes about cheese?
- 51:10There's something that you, when you started the Academy, you go,
- 51:14Oh my God, my whole world is opening up.
- 51:18I'd say, I'd say that like, the biggest mistake January that
- 51:23people make is the fridge, right?
- 51:26Don't eat cheese straight from the fridge.
- 51:28And the reason is let it breathe.
- 51:31Yeah, let it breathe. But also crucially, let the oils
- 51:34in the cheese reach room temperature.
- 51:37Otherwise, you put a cold piece of cheese in your mouth, right?
- 51:42The cheese is melting on your tongue.
- 51:44And actually the oils and the fats will melt really slowly and
- 51:48you end up with the cheese kind of broken rather than in its
- 51:52form, like in its component part.
- 51:54So let cheese reach. Yeah, Yeah.
- 51:59The cheese maker is literally gone.
- 52:01There's a guy, right, So Jamie Montgomery, who makes
- 52:03Montgomery's cheddar. He's a great guy.
- 52:07Like, he's a great guy. And the reason I said he's a
- 52:09great guy is he really, really cares about his animals.
- 52:11Vegans would be like, well, don't treat them like that then.
- 52:14But I'm not there. He really?
- 52:16Cares about his. Animals.
- 52:17No, no, no. I tried.
- 52:19I can't do it. Yeah, but he has.
- 52:22So he has the starter cultures for Montgomery's cheddar.
- 52:26He has a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
- 52:29starter culture. Different starter for each of
- 52:31the days. The reason they have 5 different
- 52:33ones is because the starter cultures can get compromised and
- 52:36you don't want to lose the ability to make cheese.
- 52:39Now you could give me a Montgomery's cheddar and I might
- 52:43on my best day be able to go. I'm pretty sure that's
- 52:46Montgomery's. And a Wednesday it.
- 52:48Tastes like this. Jamie Montgomery can go.
- 52:52That's a Wednesday. Really.
- 52:54From the starter culture, that's literally just the culture.
- 52:57I was just beginning the process of those proteins knitting
- 53:01together. So there are people whose
- 53:03knowledge of cheese is so far beyond mine. 4th utter from the
- 53:07left. Yeah, yeah.
- 53:10Hang on a minute. That's Daisy.
- 53:12That's Daisy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Daisy the
- 53:15pantomime cow. But I mean just like like improv
- 53:19I suppose from doing. You like to throw yourself into
- 53:23things, so. Much, so much.
- 53:25But I think it's that's really a function of that gig my best
- 53:29friend set up for me, right, of just walking in that first time
- 53:32and going well, this is unbelievably great.
- 53:35Like my life is charmed. It is charmed.
- 53:38I have the most amazing wife, 3 amazing kids and a job that I
- 53:42love. And then on top of that I'm a
- 53:44judge at the World Cheese Awards.
- 53:46I have a show on Jazz FM because I love jazz.
- 53:49And I was just tweeting about it one night and someone from Jazz
- 53:52FM went, I assume it was tweeting about something else,
- 53:55but I was wearing a Miles Davis top and he went oh, nice
- 53:58sweatshirt. And I went thanks in terms that
- 54:00he worked at Jazz FM and now I have a series.
- 54:03No, yes, all the stuff that I love.
- 54:06Skidley do what? That's it, man.
- 54:08Yeah, yeah. But.
- 54:09You're doing what you love. That's doing what?
- 54:12And that's the thing that almost takes a while for adults, yes,
- 54:17To get yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've known people that
- 54:21they go, I really love doing this.
- 54:24But, you know, I held off on that because it it, I'm not
- 54:29working hard enough. Yeah.
- 54:31Yeah. You know what I mean?
- 54:32Yeah. Absolutely and.
- 54:33Then they go, and then I started to pick up the violin again and.
- 54:37And now look, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do those, I mean, I absolutely
- 54:40think do those things. And also, you know, I absolutely
- 54:44love what I do for a job. And the bulk of it is getting
- 54:51myself to and from the next gig and booking somewhere to stay
- 54:57and getting the invoice. You do all that?
- 54:59I do it all. Yeah.
- 55:00And I don't book the gigs. My agents book the gigs for me,
- 55:04but I do everything else. And so, you know, like, it's
- 55:08not. I just don't want to like, that
- 55:11thing of like, you should follow your dreams is so dangerous.
- 55:15And it makes people who are not feel shitty about themselves.
- 55:18And I don't think anybody ever should.
- 55:20But the dream for me is like, I do a lot in order for these
- 55:24moments to happen. And the moment is being on stage
- 55:27or the moment is the world. Jesus, you're.
- 55:29Not kidding yourself. No, there is work involved.
- 55:32There's work, yeah. And like anything else, the work
- 55:35is a bit of graft, right? Sometimes.
- 55:37Oh, yeah. Sometimes it's graft.
- 55:39Like this is way more fun than getting here, I'm glad to say
- 55:44not every podcast that's true. Sometimes the journey, the.
- 55:46Journey is the destination that's.
- 55:49Right man, right. Unless it's the Northern Line.
- 55:51Oh yeah, yeah. And that's how you that's.
- 55:55How I got here? Yeah.
- 55:57No, no, no. Listen, don't be sorry.
- 55:58It's fine. It's fine.
- 56:00You know what I was I was finishing a book is a really
- 56:03good book. I just finished called Buckeye.
- 56:06And are you a reader? Do you read?
- 56:07Yes. Yeah, I don't read much.
- 56:09I used to read a little and. Now I read I.
- 56:12Read much less since we had our phones.
- 56:15So if I read a book and I like it and I finish it, I'm so proud
- 56:20of myself. And I was on the tube the other
- 56:22day finishing this really great book called Buckeye.
- 56:24I wish I could remember the writers name and someone I know
- 56:28saw me. They saw me reading on the tube
- 56:30and I was so pleased. I was like, literally everyone
- 56:33else is on their phone. That's like doing this and I I
- 56:36was like they. Took a picture the last.
- 56:37Chapter or two of my book and I was like, I'm so pleased that
- 56:40someone I know witnessed me reading a book because out of
- 56:451000 journeys, 999 of them are on my phone.
- 56:50And he was there for the one. The book was upside down and and
- 56:54it had something scandalous tucked in the pages.
- 56:57Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I read more.
- 56:59Well done. Well, you, you've got time on on
- 57:03tour. On the tour, Yeah.
- 57:04Yeah. Yeah, but that's the time.
- 57:06That's the time when I should read loads.
- 57:08You'd think I'd read loads then. That's the time when I read the
- 57:10least. I fall into the indulgence this,
- 57:13the dopamine. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 57:16You're far from home. I'm lonely.
- 57:18These fucking things, man. They made everything.
- 57:21Not your notes. I mean, the phone, you know,
- 57:23like, oh, the phone. The phones are killing us.
- 57:28How did we hand that much power to these tech Bros?
- 57:32Well, there's going to be a backlash.
- 57:34It's already I. Hope so man.
- 57:35You know what we should have done with them?
- 57:37We should have kept bullying them.
- 57:39You know, when nerds, when we bullied nerds, and I don't
- 57:42really like bullying, but I now look at the likes of Zuckerberg
- 57:46and go, no, we should not have taken our boot off your neck.
- 57:50Yes, you should have been bullied.
- 57:51Bullying. Keep you heard it here first,
- 57:55guys. We should have bullied the tech
- 57:57nerds Elon Musk has no business being.
- 57:59Used this in your ACT, yeah. Just we should have bullied them
- 58:02more. So we.
- 58:04Should have crushed their confidence.
- 58:06They should not be the confident towers of.
- 58:09Rush Month. Evil.
- 58:10Yeah. Our first trillionaire.
- 58:13Yeah, And like, literally the worst.
- 58:17The worst, Just the worst. He's the worst.
- 58:20I'm really into this guy. Scott Galloway.
- 58:22He's really, Yeah. Yeah.
- 58:23I like Scott Galloway a lot and I actually like how close he
- 58:27sits to. I don't know if that's OK.
- 58:31He's. Antiphone, yeah.
- 58:33He's really antiphone. Jonathan Haid's book The Anxious
- 58:36Generation is great, but Scott Galloway talks a lot about, he's
- 58:41written this book called Notes on Being a Man, which I read
- 58:44prepping for this tour show, you know, and he talks a lot about,
- 58:48like, what does protection look like?
- 58:50One of the instincts of a man, right?
- 58:52Not in a sexist way, but it's like, yeah, it's a kind of,
- 58:56that's right, Yeah. Or if I met him and he talks a
- 59:00lot about that and how Elon Musk fails at the most basic function
- 59:04of being a man, that with all of that money and all of that
- 59:07power, his instinct is never to lift anybody up.
- 59:12It's always to use that to squash people down and.
- 59:15That's the sign of a hurt young boy.
- 59:18Maybe he was bullied too much. Lashing out.
- 59:20Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, his father, Elon
- 59:23Musk's father, is a seriously bad guy.
- 59:26South African, Yeah. Sure, I mean, they made all
- 59:28their money in apartheid South Africa, you know.
- 59:30What are the chances of it being a good guy, huh?
- 59:33Pretty slim. Well, on that note, we've got
- 59:37this segment, fill in the blank. Great that I want to go with,
- 59:44right? There's five questions.
- 59:45Don't feel like they have to be funny.
- 59:48The blanks. Let's be honest.
- 59:49OK #1 the show I watched this week that I'm too embarrassed to
- 59:55tell anyone is blank. Maybe you're not embarrassed by
- 1:00:05it. No, I I must be.
- 1:00:07Oh, Robot Wars. OK, I.
- 1:00:09Went back and watched a bunch of robot wars but actually I'm not
- 1:00:12embarrassed by it at all. Good, really good Robot wars.
- 1:00:17Since I last watched it has had a massive upgrade.
- 1:00:20The robot the. Robots are better They're.
- 1:00:22No longer like little skidly doos around the floor, right?
- 1:00:26Like some of them are bigger than a person.
- 1:00:29They're that bigger. Than a person and they one of
- 1:00:32them was just like wheels with a rotating thing and any other
- 1:00:36robot that came near it. The rotating thing just smacked
- 1:00:40it out of the arena. I loved it.
- 1:00:43Oh my God. So watch it now, yeah?
- 1:00:45Watch it now, it's pretty great, yeah.
- 1:00:47Because a lot of them earlier were like made out of cereal
- 1:00:51boxes and yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- 1:00:53Good answer. Answer 2.
- 1:00:54I don't normally get excited, but blank almost always gets me
- 1:00:59excited. Well, short track speed skating.
- 1:01:04Yeah, yeah, for. Sure, I don't normally get
- 1:01:09excited, but what makes me really, really excited?
- 1:01:13A branch of Uniqlo, you know, I always feel a little surgeon
- 1:01:18because shopping at my age is and my body shape is like, it's
- 1:01:25not super fun. It's always a no.
- 1:01:28It's always a bit like, oh, I hope this goes OK.
- 1:01:32If I see a branch of Uniqlo, I just always feel quite hopeful.
- 1:01:36I'm like, I'm like, I think I'm going to be OK.
- 1:01:39Uniqlo, I think I'm going to be all.
- 1:01:41Right. They have they have quite simple
- 1:01:44block things, you know, OK, I feel like I can go into unit
- 1:01:49low, make a purchase and not worry that when I get home my
- 1:01:52wife will go. What were you?
- 1:01:55Thinking no, it's a safe thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 1:01:58We'll try to get them as a sponsor.
- 1:02:00Yeah yeah. 3 blank is where I go most when I'm not at home.
- 1:02:07On my phone with regret. Right.
- 1:02:10Yeah, right. Yeah.
- 1:02:12Enough said. Yeah, yeah, if I had to.
- 1:02:16Oh, this is the Winter Olympics question If it's not, but if
- 1:02:19it's not skeleton, what would be the next event?
- 1:02:22You would. Oh.
- 1:02:23Well, border cross, like border cross.
- 1:02:28I would love to do so. The snowboarding one with bank
- 1:02:32turns, jumps and all of that, yeah, like super exciting, very
- 1:02:39dangerous. Are you a snowboarder?
- 1:02:41Yeah, and a skier obsessed with it.
- 1:02:45Like I set up a festival in the Alps, a Comedy Festival in the
- 1:02:50Alps, so I could go snowboarding for free every year.
- 1:02:54The fact that the festival then cost me.
- 1:02:56All the money I have. With Andrew Maxwell, the
- 1:02:58Altitude Festival. I know, Andrew.
- 1:03:00Rich it is like, it's insanely fun.
- 1:03:05A bunch of comics go out and spend the day skiing and
- 1:03:09snowboarding and sledging and pissing around on the mountain.
- 1:03:14And then we come down and we do an afternoon Apreski show, which
- 1:03:18is maybe an improv show or whatever it is.
- 1:03:21It's something fun. Then a big gala stand up show
- 1:03:25and then a late night show every night for five nights to the
- 1:03:28same audience. So, and they come, a lot of
- 1:03:31those people come to three shows a day, five nights in a row.
- 1:03:36Well, just to see if you've broken any limbs or.
- 1:03:38Just to say and limbs have been broken.
- 1:03:41So it's that like the Altitude Festival is, it is the funnest
- 1:03:46thing ever. It's nuts.
- 1:03:47And I've seen, I've seen so much great comedy there.
- 1:03:50Like Tim Vine was out last year and Tim's always been great.
- 1:03:54Everyone knows. Of course he's amazing, but.
- 1:03:56My son was there. He was 22 at the time, like my,
- 1:04:01my grown up boy. And there were kids younger than
- 1:04:03him in their teens. Then there's a bunch of comics
- 1:04:06in their like, 20s. You know the cool comics?
- 1:04:09Yeah, they're cool. Then there's a bunch of mostly
- 1:04:12men my age. And then there's people in the
- 1:04:13audience who are older than that.
- 1:04:15Every single 1 from 70 something down to people in their early
- 1:04:18teens couldn't breathe for laughing at Tim Vine.
- 1:04:22Oh, because the man is just pure joy.
- 1:04:25And then the next night. One after the other.
- 1:04:27Oh. My God.
- 1:04:28And then just when you reaching the point where you're like,
- 1:04:32then he does a weird song. The weirdest songs people
- 1:04:35forget, I think, what a surrealist is.
- 1:04:37And then we had Jason Byrne as well, and I used to work with
- 1:04:40Jason a lot. Oh.
- 1:04:40Yeah, he's amazing. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I
- 1:04:42know what Jason does. Oh my God, he's brilliant.
- 1:04:45We got Al Murray this year, and I saw Al, one of the early
- 1:04:49iterations of the festival. He did the pub landlord in
- 1:04:54French. No.
- 1:04:56So the pub landlord, he was going.
- 1:04:57To do off, yeah. Amazing.
- 1:04:58He was going to do like Pierre, the cafe owner, the French
- 1:05:01version of the pub landlord. And then he said actually, I
- 1:05:04think the pub landlord having to deliver in French because we're
- 1:05:08in France. It was in France and it's now in
- 1:05:10Austria. I think that's more fun and like
- 1:05:13seeing him work, man. What is he?
- 1:05:15Eddie Izzard? Yeah.
- 1:05:17Amazing. And he skis.
- 1:05:20Yeah, yeah. Oh wow, yeah, that's so funny.
- 1:05:23Last, out of all the stand ups, Blank would do the best job of
- 1:05:29being Prime Minister. Absolutely no stand up should
- 1:05:36ever be a Prime Minister. I don't know.
- 1:05:38Zelensky's done a good job of it, right?
- 1:05:40Yes. You know he's, you know he's the
- 1:05:43voice of Paddington. No, he's the voice of.
- 1:05:46Paddington in Ukraine when they when they, when they took
- 1:05:49Paddington to Ukraine before he was PM, he he voiced it, but.
- 1:05:54They say he's a comedian, but was he a stand up I.
- 1:05:57Believe he was a stand up but mostly a comic actor who would
- 1:06:01be a good I don't know, I mean Matt Forde maybe?
- 1:06:09OK. Would be good, yeah, he's.
- 1:06:11Immersed in the political. He's very immersed in it.
- 1:06:14And look, I mean, I like him because because I've become a
- 1:06:19centrist as I've got older and people don't understand.
- 1:06:24They think that centrism is cowardly and it's not.
- 1:06:28What it is, is warm. It's warm.
- 1:06:30It's so. Warm in here.
- 1:06:32It's so warm. My view politically now is let's
- 1:06:37just see if this all blows over. OK, OK, I.
- 1:06:40Used to be so I used to be so full of piston vinegar and like
- 1:06:44radical ideas and now I'm like that's fine.
- 1:06:49All change takes time and all change that doesn't take time
- 1:06:53makes a mess of error you. Become aware of time.
- 1:06:56Yeah, I still have, I still have the same, I still have exactly
- 1:07:01the same conviction with regard to we should seek as a society
- 1:07:06to improve the lives of those who suffer.
- 1:07:08That is what we should do. But the means by which I think
- 1:07:11that's brought about my view of that has changed dramatically to
- 1:07:17with regret, we will have to do that bit by bit.
- 1:07:20I think you've answered your question.
- 1:07:23You should be Prime Minister. The reason I shouldn't?
- 1:07:26Is I went to boarding school and there's enough broken, broken
- 1:07:30men in Westminster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just broken
- 1:07:34people who broke the link between them and and grown-ups
- 1:07:37when they were children and had to had to stiff up a lip it out.
- 1:07:43None of us should ever be in politics.
- 1:07:45I consider it. Given that I'm privately
- 1:07:47educated and went to university and didn't finish my degree, I
- 1:07:50consider it one of the greatest gifts I've ever given.
- 1:07:55Is not being an MP right? I think it's an act of great
- 1:08:00sacrifice on my part. Thank you, Sir, that I've.
- 1:08:03Not inflicted yet another twat like me on this country.
- 1:08:09Yeah, as on a final note, it's plug time.
- 1:08:13Oh yeah, Yeah, Vitruvian. Mango is is my tour based on Da
- 1:08:17Vinci's Vitruvian Man, the ideal man.
- 1:08:19You see two of them right here. And so that's him.
- 1:08:23That's him. The two sets of arms.
- 1:08:25Da Vinci was only going to do one set, but of course, the
- 1:08:28model was Italian. And they will gesticulate.
- 1:08:30Bang. That's the kind of joke you can
- 1:08:32expect. Yeah.
- 1:08:33So Vitruvian Mango is my tour show.
- 1:08:36Where? Can we find dates and tickets
- 1:08:39and? Online, online, online, I off I
- 1:08:42off the curb have all of my, all of my dates for the tour show
- 1:08:47and then like, you know, improvising and stuff.
- 1:08:50I'd love to improvise with you one day, man.
- 1:08:51It'll be really fun. Let's do it on that.
- 1:08:55I really like that. Yeah.
- 1:08:56Thank you. Thank you.
- 1:08:57Coming. Yeah, we'll.
- 1:08:59Sing songs. Thanks for having me, Rich.
- 1:09:01You're the man. You're the man.
- 1:09:03So nice. Wow, that was Marcus, and he
- 1:09:07likes cheese. I want to eat some cheese too.
- 1:09:11After listening to all that, how do I become a cheese expert?
- 1:09:16So listen, if you like stuff like this about cheese and other
- 1:09:22things about comedy and anything else we talk about on the pod
- 1:09:28press, like and subscribe, OK. And we do have a question I'd
- 1:09:33like to answer from one of our guests.
- 1:09:37It's from Reems Bump. There's some graffiti on the
- 1:09:41local bus stop. It reads talk box.
- 1:09:44The word is on the street. All the kids are down with it.
- 1:09:49It's a real underground movement.
- 1:09:51Whisper it to a friend, talk box, but keep a low profile.
- 1:10:00Oh, that's not really a question.
- 1:10:03It's just basically talk box is out there now, so get down with
- 1:10:08it kids, OK? Rich vultures talk box.