Latest / AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation / [EP2] How to deal with toxic family relationships

Transcript

[EP2] How to deal with toxic family relationships · AWAKEN with Dylan Ayaloo: Inner Work, Healing, Yoga & Meditation

• 0:00
  How to let go of toxic family relationships.
• 0:06
  Firstly, this might be a little bit difficult to hear, but I'll just say it and, you know, it's kind of difficult to say things sometimes as well, quite directly.
• 0:15
  So I'll say it from my own experience.
• 0:17
  And from my own experience, there's always an element of me in my life.
• 0:24
  Wherever I go, there I am.
• 0:27
  right so my mind is always going to have its own perspective and whatever my labels and judgments
• 0:37
  on people it's going to have its own perspective and the mind will always claim that it's right
• 0:42
  now i'm not saying your family is not toxic i don't know only you will know best you've gone
• 0:49
  through whatever experience right so and if they are and horrible things have happened i'm sorry
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  to hear that and whether it's family or anyone else
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  you know when there's horrible things that have happened and obviously
• 1:01
  there's degrees of horribleness that can happen
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  I just think of it as the different kind of circles of people
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  that I have around me and family
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  or not, friends or not, you know some people
• 1:19
  just should not be in your
• 1:21
  innermost circles right and they so they need to kind of be you need to evaluate i would say
• 1:29
  i said need to but you know you're asking for a solution here how i would deal with
• 1:34
  in my life is just like i would see it as like circles you know inner inner inner most circles
• 1:40
  to more outer circles and who has my time and attention right which is actually now becoming
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  our attention. Very cleverly, technology companies
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  have commoditized our attention. So who and what we spend
• 2:00
  our time and our attention with. Because it's our time and attention
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  that is most valuable. You don't get that back in this physical plane of
• 2:08
  existence. Once it's done, it's done. That moment's gone.
• 2:11
  So certain people, based on where they are in their journey
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  and I'll speak from my own experience in my life in all the different
• 2:23
  would, you know, where they are in their journey,
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  I would be willing to spend more time and energy and attention
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  and give more time and energy and attention.
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  And others, you know, obviously I'm not done with my journey.
• 2:39
  I'm a work in progress.
• 2:42
  So for others, they need to be not in maybe that circle,
• 2:47
  but the next circle or a few circles away.
• 2:50
  Right?
• 2:51
  And sometimes it happens with family.
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  Like, you know, I've got part of my family, like my father's side,
• 2:57
  that they're definitely not in any of the circles.
• 3:01
  Like, they don't exist in any circles in my life.
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  That's it. I'm done. Finished.
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  Right?
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  And sounds kind of cold or mean or brutal or whatever,
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  whoever has whatever judgment around it.
• 3:13
  But they didn't live the life that I lived.
• 3:15
  And they didn't have all those experiences that I had, you know, that I lived through.
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  will not get my time and attention and energy and focus and love.
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  That's it.
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  It's like all the best, not having them in my life.
• 3:34
  And I will choose who and what I put my energy and attention into.
• 3:39
  So there are different circles, you could say.
• 3:42
  And my inner, inner, inner most circle, the most intimate circle,
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  is my connection to source.
• 3:49
  I'm not saying that's how it should be for everyone.
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  that's just what it is for me.
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  So my most intimate connection is with the divine.
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  That's it.
• 3:59
  And then, you know, because human love is conditional.
• 4:03
  That's just how it is, whether we like it or not.
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  And the only unconditional love we can have is our connection to the divine.
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  And I'm not trying to prescribe any beliefs.
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  If you don't believe in that, that's up to you, no problem.
• 4:13
  But maybe you won't be here otherwise.
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  Right?
• 4:17
  And then it's like, okay, who and what and how much time and attention and energy should they get?
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  so it comes back to you know this body of work um it boils down to two things what we're learning
• 4:29
  most of us all of us perhaps are learning self-love and self-worth two things right self-love
• 4:37
  and self-worth and essentially we're talking about boundaries here and boundaries i didn't
• 4:43
  read this anywhere it wasn't like any cool quote that i'm re-quoting it just over the years kind
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  it came to me that boundaries should be, you know, if it is set, should be set from a foundation
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  of self-love and self-worth first. That means you need to do your work on your self-love
• 4:59
  and self-worth and then from there set the boundaries. And boundaries is, a big part
• 5:06
  of it is saying no. And no has a whole range of no's. From a softer no to a very hard no.
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  because some people just don't take no for an answer
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  right like especially the horrible abusive nasty you could say the word toxic people
• 5:31
  and all right that's just where they're in their journey i can choose to hate them i don't
• 5:37
  i just choose to accept that's where they are in their journey and i let them go that's it
• 5:45
  to put my energy into what I put my energy into, which is my mission, my work, the community,
• 5:53
  the people around me, all my loved ones.
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  And that's that.
• 5:58
  And different people will have different thoughts and opinions about that.
• 6:02
  That's great.
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  Good for them.
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  They can have their opinion.
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  And their opinion of me or my choices has nothing to do with me.
• 6:13
  That's up to them.
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  And all of that has to be learnt or we will learn eventually.
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  So the short answer to anyone who is toxic, horrible, nasty, abusive,
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  in the range of no, which range, which no do they need?
• 6:43
  most of the time
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  on the heavier side
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  like you know I've had to do with
• 6:50
  part of my family
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  I didn't have to go and shout at them
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  and throw things at them
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  it's literally just block delete
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  everything just stop
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  close off all the doors
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  all the connections all any option
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  that's it
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  And I'm on the other side of the world.
• 7:09
  So it's hard for them to get to as well.
• 7:12
  So just sharing my own example because, you know, rather than saying you or what you should do because I don't know your situation.
• 7:18
  So hopefully me answering mine, you know, from mine hopefully helps.