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103: Overcoming Fear & Choosing Freedom w/ Henry Ammar · Harder Than Life

• 0:08
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:30
  Welcome back to the Huddle in a Life podcast, my loves. I recently met Henry Amar at an event where he was speaking. His speech was about it's time, fear, and freedom, which spoke to my heart. You know freedom is my jam, so I had to have him on. I'd never heard of him and loved every minute of the time on stage, so he's here to share his emotional intelligence, leadership skills, and sneaky motivational quotes.
• 0:58
  I will kickstart with his own quote. Your weaknesses are your strengths with fear attached to them. You care to expound upon that? Dude, that was a good intro, man. I've never had anybody tell me my sneaky quotes, but I hear you. I hear you on it, man. Good to see you again, man. It's a blessing to get to know you.
• 1:20
  Yeah, your weaknesses or your strengths with fear attached to them. We can kick it off there. I've been obsessed with fears because freedom is such a value for me. You know, inner freedom, the freedom to just unleash everything you are and the feeling of being caged from fear. Fear shows up as like insecurity, worrying what people think about you, fear of failure, fear of success, and it will literally impact every area of your life.
• 1:42
  And I'm kind of a hyper nerd. I love the science behind stuff. So fear just means my body, my nervous system feels unsafe. Like I feel unsafe to do something or move forward. And it'll literally affect your relationships because if you're too scared to let people in, you have walls up, how are you gonna get love, right? Or if you're so afraid you let everybody in and you don't have boundaries, then that's gonna hurt. Or your success, if you're afraid of failure, you're perfectionistic, you're inauthentic, it's gonna impact your success. So it literally will impact every area of your life.
• 2:11
  And so I realized that early on and I was writing my book and I took a step back and I was done. You know, you put it down and I sat there and, you know, the little voice from, I call it the voice from heaven, right? God was just like, hey, you're not done. Get up and write. And I was like, oh, okay. So I get up, I get my laptop back out and I hear the words, your weaknesses are your strengths with fear attached to them. Yeah.
• 2:33
  And a flood of insight came through to me at that point. So for example, my father was a very, very, very passionate man, right? And his passion, when he attached anger to it, which is a form of fear, I don't feel safe, so I'm going to be angry, meant sometimes things were thrown across the house or a lot of anger was happening. So my father's strength was his passion. He moved mountains with his passion. However, when fear was attached to it,
• 3:00
  you know, it broke down. And so it became his weakness. My passion, and we were just talking about this music festival just that allowed me to speak in front of 40,000 people and just rip it and unleash and be everything that I was born to be because that passion is inside of me. But if I'm not, if I'm not aware, it'll be like a fire hose, right? The fire hose can just go and ruin everything. But when you learn to navigate the fire hose, navigate my emotions, you could save lives. You could make a difference. You could make the impact that you were born to make. And so I realized, you know, another example, just,
• 3:30
  just to iterate for the people that are feelers listening on your podcast. If you're a big feeler, your pendulum probably swings negative a thousand, positive a thousand, right? And so you feel deeply. And sometimes when we're afraid of the future, we feel a fear. We feel something that is, you know, puts our emotional state in a fight, flight, freeze, people pleasing state, whatever that is.
• 3:52
  it really has a massive impact on us. It really affects us. It becomes our weakness. However, people that feel have the capacity to love deeply, to empathize deeply. Love is the most powerful force. So you're actually one of the most powerful people on the planet. However, when they attach fear to it and don't understand how to navigate emotions, it becomes their weakness and keeps them stuck. So it's this vehicle where we understand fear and freedom. Love, when we understand how to break free, literally changes the whole game.
• 4:22
  I got to tell you, so no disrespect to anybody else that spoke that day. I'm friends with every single person. I walked away in awe of you. Full disclosure, I recorded it, so I was able to listen to it again for show prep. And I got a bunch of one-liners. So you're like...
• 4:41
  I don't know. You speak to my heart because that's the way I was. I used to be this tough guy and I couldn't let love in. And now I let love in and I'm extremely emotional. And the vulnerability allows me to connect with people like you instantly. I mean, we said like three words. I'm like, give me your phone number. You're like, yeah.
• 5:00
  And we've been playing back and forth, back and forth, trying to get this schedule. And here we are. And it's the perfect timing. Because when I listen to your speech again, it just spoke right to my heart. I mean, I wrote so many times. Emotionalized repetition. You're going to be Jesus on the boat. You're fearless formula.
• 5:21
  Stop. This is the one that really got me. And then we're going to back up and get into your story. Stop resisting the resistance. Henry, I needed to hear that this morning when I listened to your thing. Talk about that because I'm sure a lot of us do that.
• 5:36
  Yeah. I, you know, I, I believe resistance is the way it's like, you know, you're obviously fit, you're buff. You teach people how to get into their optimal state, mentally, emotionally, physically. Right. I always ask people this question. I said, would you ever go to a gym that you pay for? You look at all this beautiful equipment, but with doesn't have any weights.
• 5:52
  It's like, I wouldn't go. It's like, well, you pay for resistance because your body's a form of like your inside. We go through these micro traumas, right? To gain, to move on to the next level, right? New level, new devil, right? Like whenever I want to go to anywhere new, my body is going to be like, what are you doing? Like, we've never done that before. Or, hey, remember the last time you let love in? Or, hey, remember the last time you tried something and you failed? Or, hey, it's going to go back to survival state, worst case scenario most of the time, right? And so...
• 6:21
  you know, resistance, if I'm doing it right and I'm going to somewhere new, I don't love calling it a comfort zone. Who freaking is comfortable in their comfort zone? Not me, right? It's a survival state. It's what my body feels the safest in. So whenever I want to go get a new experience in life,
• 6:38
  I want to open myself up more. I want to do something even more bold. I want to start, you know, reprogramming what failure means to me or what the word no means to me. I want to do that. I will experience some form of resistance. And as Tony Robbins says, what you resist will persist, right? And so the reality is, it's funny, someone asked me today, like, I just keep pushing away this thought, this feeling. I said, don't.
• 7:02
  Because feelings buried alive never die, right? So if I just keep pushing this stuff away, you'll never resolve it. And you're going to keep running through life trying to run away from the one thing that's trying to give you a message. And emotions are messengers. They're not dictators. Your resistance is a message. It's not a dictator. Your fears are messengers, not dictators. Your limits are messengers, not dictators. Your patterns, everything is information. And so if I could look at the resistance and ask myself,
• 7:29
  How do I navigate this? What does my body tell me? What is my mind really scared of? Resistance is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I can thank my body. Hey, thank you for trying to keep me safe. I understand. Last time I went to do this, or you're worried that if I fail, then I quote unquote won't be good enough because maybe I had to be a certain level when I was a kid. Or if I get rejected, then you take it on as your identity. I can go in and it's an opportunity
• 7:55
  to reprogram this subconscious mind of mine and to step into even more. So when I go to the gym, I don't go to the gym, I go to the gym, I don't want the gym to stay the same, I go to the gym to step into more. So I lean into the resistance so I could become more, I could become stronger, I could become wiser, I could become healthier. Because what I don't use, I'll lose, right? And so the reality is, we could stay in our comfort zone, but it's not really comfortable.
• 8:19
  And all of us, and Kelly, you said it, I really believe it's time. I believe that it's time. It's time for people, like good people that want to make a difference, to step into their freedom and out of their fears, because we need people with light and with love leading them, not fears, because fear is what's dividing us all. So resistance is the way, man. Resistance is it. And so when I feel resistance or I feel something, it's like, it's not like, oh, man, here's this thing again. It's like, ooh.
• 8:46
  what I get curious and as I call it loving self-awareness or Gabor Monte will call it compassionate curiosity. I look at my body and say, what are you worried about right now?
• 8:57
  What's going on? And I had a crazy experience I have to tell you about with Will.i.am at the festival just a couple months ago and how I navigated resistance in that moment and how it changed the pathway to my whole, I guess my whole future, I believe, is going to change because of how I process emotion and how I view resistance. Because resistance is the way.
• 9:18
  Go right into it because I was just going to say to you, like, I am facing the utmost resistance I have ever faced. And I start giggling when I listen to your speech again because I'm like, you're talking about the gym and I'm at the gym at five o'clock in the morning, every morning. And it's like, if it were easy, I'd be pissed.
• 9:36
  So it's like, and then you're like, it's who you're becoming. And I'm like, oh my God, he's just talking to me today. But go into the will. I am story because we're going to then backpedal and get your backstory. And guys, by the way, follow Henry. He's beautiful. Henry MR. It's a M M AR on all social media channels. This guy just lights up a room. If you're not watching us on YouTube, you see his big pearly white smiling and he's,
• 10:03
  And I got to be in his energy for a day and it was beautiful. And we're going to be like, like I said to you, the next time you have a festival, I want to go. Yeah, I want to come out and I just want to be in your energy. You're the only person I didn't know. And you're the person I gravitated to the most.
• 10:19
  And there's some big, you know, Ben Newman was on that stage. John Gordon, Rudy Ricksteins. There was big names. And you burned that stage down. And I was I recorded yours and Rudy's. No, not John's. Not Ben's. You two. And I left away. And you're getting a little bit of it on the harder than life podcast. So go ahead and tell us the Will. I am story.
• 10:44
  Thank you, brother. I'm honored, man. I'm honored. It's truly a blessing to be on stage and just share a story. What I speak of, I speak so passionately about because my mess became my message, as they say. When we speak, and if we speak from experience, if we wrestled,
• 11:04
  And when you speak, it's not theory, it's soul, right? And the man that speaks to you, I used to be passive, right? I used to be very passive and it'll lead into the Will.i.am story pretty, so I can tie both of those in. My nickname used to be passive because I wanted, I was a people pleaser. I wanted people to like me.
• 11:21
  Because growing up, and when I do this work, I really believe in the healing, resolving the past, the healing of traumas, the reprogramming my subconscious mind and stepping into this man that's sitting before you today. I'm really grateful for this work. It's a sacred work to me. It's changed my entire everything. Everything has changed because of it.
• 11:40
  And so going from looking at Passive Henry to the last seven years advising one of the biggest festivals in Europe and speaking on stage in front of what, 30, 40,000 people, you know, about 15 times, maybe more at this point. But I was sitting there in Serbia and...
• 11:57
  They're the most amazing people, man. Amazing people. The festival is incredible. This year, the headliners are the Black Eyed Peas. They had, I mean, they've had everybody from The Cure to, you name David Guetta, Martin Garrix, you name who it is at 40 plus stages, 200,000 people. And I'm really grateful because it shows you, right? And I'm going to lead to this. This will make a lot of sense in a second. When I first spoke on that stage, my nerves were through the roof. I spoke between Martin Garrix and David Guetta. This was 2017. Wow.
• 12:26
  And I was like, dude, I'm speaking in front of all these people. You just kind of see people and they never stop. And then, you know, and then I come back and I speak and then I speak after the cure and I speak, you know, all these people. But after a while, when you have resistance to something, just like working out, that weight class that you're pulling becomes normal and then you get to level up.
• 12:47
  Right. And so that stage at one point was nerve wracking to me. But the last festival when we're at, you know, Tom Murillo from Rage Against the Machine was performing. And they're like maybe 10 minutes before. They're like, Henry, you know, we want you to come up on stage. We want you to introduce him. We want you to share these thoughts, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, cool. And my wife just is laughing. She goes, isn't it crazy that you're just like you just walk over to the stage like it's nothing when...
• 13:07
  How long ago it would have been so nerve-wracking for you because there's so many people? Because my nervous system is like, so many people, what are you doing? But I learned to love those people. And when you love the people you serve, everything shifts. And I taught my body, my mind, my nervous system, everything that I'm actually safe in that stage. It's home for me. It's where I'm called to be. It's where I'm supposed to be. And now this year I had a very different experience there.
• 13:30
  So I was really grateful. A dear friend of mine works with Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas. He's a freaking brilliant person. She's the most beautiful person. Her heart is just gold. And I realized the Black Eyed Peas are headlining the festival. And I know...
• 13:46
  I know his tech company, which is awesome. It's called FYI. There's just launched RAIDIO. It's like our AI radio station. Super dope. And then the Exit Festival, which is massive. And I said, wait a minute. I believe we can do more together than we can apart. I think we could do so much alone, but I think when we synergize and bring people together, we could freaking change this world. And the world needs us to come together. There's no competition, man.
• 14:09
  I can touch people that maybe Bob can't. Kelly, you could touch people I can't. That's just how it goes, right? We all have our story. And it doesn't matter if I'm on stage in front of 40,000 people or the sacred call that I had this morning with someone that's trying to figure out their life and figuring out what's going on. And so in that space, I'm sitting there. And so we decided to put on an event with Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas and exit and stuff like that. And then I was interviewing Will.
• 14:39
  And it was like full blown, purpose driven. It was over the theme called Awaken Our Superpowers Together, which was the theme of the festival. And so Will comes in. He's sitting down. I'm sitting down. I'm having a conversation with him. And dude, this guy's a legend, bro. Like I freaking love him. I love his music. He's brilliant. One of the founders of Beats by Dre. He's brilliant. He's one of the most creative minds I've ever seen in my life. And he was doing AI in 2012, right? Like it's crazy. And...
• 15:07
  I'm sitting next to him and there's something when we understand ourselves and our emotions, when we have a hypersense of self-awareness and I'm sitting next to him and then the little voice in my head, little Henry pops up and goes, are you sure you're supposed to be sitting here?
• 15:23
  Like little Henry that felt like maybe imposter Henry or maybe whatever that is. But I realized that was just an old version of me that didn't know that this is the normal. This is what I'm called to do. So there's something in the, whether you want to call it an IFS world or any parts work world, it's called unblending where you can be with your emotions and not in it. You can almost be able to witness yourself and be mindful. So I literally turned into the voice and I said, hey, we're good. We're safe here. This is a new normal.
• 15:53
  This is it. Felt my whole body change, felt my energy shift, felt myself grounded in that moment, had the most beautiful conversation with him. And if you see pictures, it's actually very fascinating because even we got to be closer because if I was in a fear-based state, whenever we're operating from a fear-based state, someone could feel that.
• 16:12
  We have something called neuroception, which means your subconscious mind is always looking for cues of safety or danger. And we see those things. So if I'm sitting there, you know, say, Kelly, you and I are sitting there, there's a guy in front of us who's like in a fear-based state. My nervous system is going to be like, dude, something doesn't feel right here. You're not, you might not be safe here because this person doesn't feel safe here.
• 16:31
  But when we can create a groundedness and safety and walk with love instead of fear and presence instead of fear and power under control and love, right? It changes the energy of the room. It changes the energy of our conversation. I'm not trying to prove anything to Will. I freaking learned to love that guy and extract his genius. And my wife even, she's like, it was really subtle, Henry, but I know you.
• 16:55
  And I saw you process something and everything changed. I was like, you saw that? She goes, it really wasn't obvious, I promise you, but it's my wife. She knows all my little subtleties and she knows. But on that stage, I processed something. I healed something. I reprogrammed something in my mind. And in order to get to where I was, I had to reprogram who I was to be able to create that event.
• 17:16
  Now that I've reprogrammed myself of like, no, like he has his strengths and his talents and his gifts. And God has given me the same. And all of us stepping into our talents and gifts is what's going to bless the world. Kelly, I was sitting on a podcast and I was talking to my friend Rosie and these words came out of my mouth. It says, you cannot give something away that you do not own.
• 17:36
  And it was like, I can't go and say, all right, guys, I'm giving Kelly's microphone away from his podcast to the 27th review on his podcast. He's like, what are you doing, bro? It's not yours. You can't give it away. You don't own it. Right. But if I what I own, I can give. And it's not own out of fear, own out of I need to feel good about myself and feel worthy. It's own out of love and the gifting. So I get to give it to somebody else.
• 18:00
  So I get to go and own everything that I am so I can serve you with all of my heart. And I could love my wife with every fiber of my being and my girls and my family and my loved ones and my audience and my community that I'm not sitting here trying to prove anything to you. I'm just owning the gifts that I've been blessed with and my experiences and my talents so I could show up and give it. That's what Will.i.am is doing. That's what I'm doing. That's what you're doing. So that's what the world needs is we have nothing to prove to anybody.
• 18:26
  We just have to live authentically and remove. I love the phrase. And I'll end with this phrase in this little, you know, rant of mine. Healing is not becoming someone else. It's releasing everything that's not really you. So you could be everything that you were born to be. And for me, that's it. Like, and my emotions come up, that little emotion came up. I wasn't mad. I didn't resist the emotion. Like, oh, dang. Oh, shoot. I embraced it. I was like, hey, I get it. You're scared. This is new. This is a legend that you've listened to since you were a freaking kid. Yeah.
• 18:56
  I said, but this is us. This is our place to serve. This is God's work. Let's go. And my whole body said, okay, let's freaking go. So here we are.
• 19:07
  That's a wonderful story. I just put myself in other situations now, and I'm sitting with big celebrities, and you know what I finally figured out how to do is to just take it all in. When there's no fear, I won't even act. So if there's fear, I'm running it. But then I sit, and you'll see me. You probably saw me doing it a couple times when I was sitting with you and John and Ben and Rudy. I just...
• 19:35
  take it in. And I go, and I know I belong. So, you know, when you talk about people are good and it's only a matter of if, or it's a matter of time, and it's not if, it's when. That's right. This is my when, but I wanna be proud of
• 19:50
  present. So I think that might be the next step. It's like, once you overcome the fear, it's like, now it's like, let's just take it all in and be like, cool, man. I got freaking, I just had Amy Kelly on the podcast two weeks ago and I'm going to see Ed Milet and John. And it's
• 20:07
  I belong here and it's freaking awesome. So that's doing the work. We're 20 minutes into this. I haven't asked a single question. So we're going to get into it. Remember, Henry MR as AMM or AMMAR on Instagram and Facebook. He does have an amazing podcast. We're going to get into that as well. We just passed a hundred episodes. So it's like when you were telling the story about grabbing the mic and running, I remember my first episode. I didn't know what the
• 20:31
  heck I was going to say. We met so much resistance. I had three different companies we hired to get it launched. We just built this studio. It's been nothing but resistance, but here we are. I'm on with Henry. I'm enjoying every minute of it. I got to tell you, I didn't do... Guys, you look Henry up.
• 20:48
  I didn't do your introduction and the things that you've accomplished are phenomenal. And then to see, and we're going to get into all this and we're going to try to, we're going to go along and I hope got a little longer. I apologize. Let's back up and let's talk about a bit of it all at your childhood. What are some key influences that shaped who you are today? Man, dude, I, I am so grateful. I mean, you know,
• 21:11
  for all the hardships and the good, you know, my parents, my dad hid in a trunk to escape a war to get me here. My uncle got us a visa to come to the States and my dad had in a trunk to get out of the country to raise enough money to get my family, you know, to this country. And I was born in Los Angeles, California, which I'm so grateful for. I love LA. I love California. I don't, I'm not there now, but, and you know, talk about trauma, right? Talk about my dad's dad died when he was nine years old and my dad started smoking and you know,
• 21:40
  hang working when he was nine. And so he had to become an adult and that's a lot of trauma. And there's a lot of stuff that my parents had to deal with. So coming to a country with a two year old, um, two years before I was born, not speaking the language is, is, is really hard. So I, I honor the sacrifices of my parents. And, um,
• 22:01
  It's funny, I was at the doctor's, Kelly, and this will give the context of the opposing feelings you could have around this. Someone was like, they asked me about my father's history, and I was like, well, my dad had a triple bypass heart surgery when he was 36 years old. They gave him six months to live in 93. He died in 2012, 2013.
• 22:24
  and I said, I believe it was 2012. And so you look at these circumstances and they're like, yeah, he didn't really take care of himself. He smoked two packs a day, you know, this and that. And then all of a sudden the guy was like, wow, like your dad, you know,
• 22:38
  he, the doctor was kind of almost like I portrayed him as a really bad guy, but then I realized, wow, he sacrificed so much just for you to have this freedom and just to, for you to be where you are. And so, um, my parents sacrificed a lot. There was a lot of trauma. We had some really difficult, difficult things in the house, but we also had love and people trying their best. And I think the more I understand trauma, the more I could have compassion and love on, on my family and knowing that we're all different and we all do the best we can. Um,
• 23:07
  But born in Los Angeles, man, and always wanted to be the peacemaker in the house. Always tried to be the peacemaker in the house. And so I learned a lot from my mom and my dad. And as Dr. Frank Anderson said on my podcast to me, he said, gifts and burdens are passed down.
• 23:25
  you know, that's the generational trauma because we get gifts and burdens passed down to us. And so I'm really grateful for the hardships. We lived in a little room. You know, I had to jump off my bunk bed onto my parents' bed to get out of the door, you know, and we did the best we could. And I know my dad worked overtime just to make, you know, put food on the table living in debt and
• 23:47
  One of the interesting things that led me to understanding this work was I remember going, waking up early as a kid and I walk into the room and my father's head is in his hands and there's a cigarette in one hand and just black, you know, that black coffee, like the Arabic or Turkish coffee or whatever, like they have there. And my father has his head is in his hands and I look at four, it's four 30 in the morning. I look and I'm like, wow, my dad is tired. And I had developed a belief at that moment. I made a decision that turned into a belief and said, wow.
• 24:15
  you have to work really hard to barely get by in life. And whenever we have these experiences when we're younger, they embed into our system, right? Like if I spoke up, for example, as a kid, my father would freak out. So what did I learn? Don't speak up because you'll lose love or safety.
• 24:33
  So that's why I became passive. My body took on a program of, because what do we seek for? Safety and connection, right? And so as a kid, if I spoke up and I lost connection and safety, maybe I won't speak up. And if I look at my dad and see how hard he works, maybe that's my program. And there was so much that happened in my life. And I remember I kept hitting walls, even financially. And I remember I was working in,
• 24:55
  real estate at the time and this guy came up to me and was like, you should be making so much more than you're making. And he said, why don't you just ask for more? And I was like, I don't know. I'm just kind of... And I kept hitting this wall, hitting this wall, hitting this wall. And then all of a sudden, I did the work and I realized that I had a belief system, that you have to work really hard to barely get by. And then if I became successful, I would lose love with my sister.
• 25:19
  And I value love over money. So what did I do? Every time I almost became successful, I self-sabotaged. So I'm going back to my childhood because that's when all these belief systems happened. But it's also when at 17 years old, I said, enough is enough. I can't live in this much insecurity. I don't want to be this afraid of what people think. I don't want to do this anymore. Like, I can't. And my cousin put this book in front of me and I opened it up and it had questions on the back of it at 17.
• 25:49
  And I was like, if I could change, if I could develop real confidence, if I could overcome this bondage, this cage that I feel on the inside, this fear, I have to learn how to do it. So I got obsessed. Obsessed is the word, like literally. And I found enough courage to interview anybody I could, whether it was someone on Forbes list, someone that walked in with confidence, reading every book, going every seminar, every certification I could. Um...
• 26:16
  But I realized, man, if I could change, I have to do it. I want to do it. It's a must. And so that's what got me on this journey, man. It was an obsession to be free. And at 17 years old, I have not looked back. And it took me on this journey of being in a boy band. And then it took me to starting a business and selling it and then going to USC and going into commercial real estate development. And it ultimately led me to where I am now. But one thing that has never stopped, morning, noon, and night has been my obsession with
• 26:46
  What is the greatest way to create results, to overcome fears, to overcome anything that's holding me back from who I'm supposed to be? And I realized that the greatest investment I've ever put into the world outside of, you know, in addition to, I should say, my spirituality is this work on myself. Because then I can give myself back more because it's the greatest return on my investment.
• 27:11
  because the common denominator in every single thing I do is me. And so when I become better, I get to love better. I get to serve better. I get to give better. I get to be better. I get to make more money better. I get to make better impact. I get to be a better leader. And so I've developed these principles over the last 27 years of what creates real results. And I'm evidence-based. What is it? I swim upstream to get the research, the evidence. What is that? And I bring it back down. So that's kind of...
• 27:39
  Sort of my back and forth in my childhood. I don't know if that answers the question you were seeking, but you could ask me. It does. You're so deep. And I was listening to an Alex Hormozy podcast this morning, and he defines words. Like you said, real confidence. So I'm going to ask you, put you on the spot. Define real confidence for me. Yeah. It's the ability to be present and secure in who I am and allow everybody to be who they are.
• 28:09
  I don't need to go and show and wear a mask or do a dog and pony trick for you to love me and like me. I'm gonna be everything that I am and I'm gonna trust that God's gonna allow the people that are supposed to be in my inner circle in my inner circle. And if you love it, Graydon, if not, it's okay, right? Like I'm okay. Like my worth is not dependent on my performance or other people. I'm already valuable. And this was really cool. Kelly, last year I was sitting in my car and I usually pray before I drive.
• 28:39
  and sing a little prayer. And I heard these words. First, there's two different phrases that went back to back. One of them was, I need you to expand your island of fear so I could do more with you. Because fear becomes our cage, right? If I could expand that, then I could expand what that is. This is the important part that I wanted to share. It was love yourself exactly where you are and love yourself enough not to stay there.
• 29:06
  It's not an or. I love that. And it wasn't, it's so sometimes we do this work because I want to get to a place so I could feel like I could love myself or I could love who I am or I could, when I accomplished this thing, but dude, I will tell you this, Kelly, this is, this is when I realized it. I had something by my desk. I called it the box, the box, right? It's not a fancy name, but every time I'd move, I'd be like, Oh shoot, it's the box. And,
• 29:29
  And I look in this box and I had my Grammy certificate, my USC magna cum laude graduation from business school. I had this, I had that, I had all these things. And I was like, at one point, I sacrificed everything so I can get that. Now it's in a box and I'm chasing something else. For what? And the craziest thing,
• 29:50
  Like talk about that solidified with my mother being diagnosed with cancer. And I'm sitting there and I'm watching this woman who was my hero, who protected me in a lot of ways from things in my life and family and things like that. And I'm watching this person go to 70 pounds, 70 pounds. And I'm sitting in the hospital with her one day and I'm looking at her and I'm like, at the end of the day, it was like a 12 hour day. And I looked and I said, one day that's going to be you, Henry. Hopefully not that way.
• 30:21
  But what do you want to say? What do you really want to say? Because you and I know that life is going to pass by like this. We're already almost at the end of the year. It's going to fly like this. What do I really want to say? At the time, I was a director of investments for this $2 billion company. I helped lead this pretty awesome acquisition.
• 30:45
  And I said, I'm not going to say I bought a big building, even though I'm proud of that. I'm proud that I was able to do something and have the Ocean View office and the sexy title and stuff. I said, but what is my legacy, man? What am I worried about? What am I afraid of? And when my mother passed away, I was holding her hand. And I knew at the moment, whatever decision I made at that moment, because I know when there's a heightened emotional state,
• 31:11
  Whatever you decide at that moment will be embedded deeper into your subconscious mind, deeper into your body. And I said, Henry, the decision you make right now is going to impact the rest of your life. And I'm holding my mother's hand and she passed. So I take what I call the sacred pause. I paused, I took a breath and I checked in spiritually. And then I looked at my mother and I said, mom, I will honor your sacrifice with how I live my life. I will honor your life with how I live mine.
• 31:41
  And to me, it's like, man, it's confidence when you can just be who you're born to be and know that you're not perfect. You could love yourself exactly where you are and love yourself enough not to stay there. You know, confidence is I'm perfect. Confidence is just like I get to be who I am. And do I have fears pop up and insecurities pop up? Sure. But I catch them and I'm like, hey, dude, I get it.
• 32:02
  You feel insecure there. That's okay. Let me walk you back home, buddy. Let me, let's, let's walk, let's walk ourselves back home. Cause that's just life. You know, fears will pop up if I'm doing it right. You know, that's just how it goes. So that's, that's kind of my heart in it. You know, if I were just to not give you a fancy definition, but speak from my heart, that's what I would say. Wow. Microphone drop. Um, do you believe that that's God speaking to you?
• 32:31
  Yes. I never used to believe that, to be honest. I remember sitting across from Tony Romo's, if anybody knows, Tony Romo's was replaced in LA with my buddy. And my buddy's like, hey, did you talk to God about it? And I was like, this guy's crazy, bro. And he's like, dude, just do it. And I went on this journey saying, if there was a God, I want to know.
• 32:50
  And this is my journey. Look, my best friend says he's an atheist. My other best friend, like they're all walks of life. I love them, love them, love them, love them, freaking love them so much. And they know me. It's like my, but I've had too many sacred experiences on this journey. Too many for me to not believe. And in my opinion, no, that it is God. There's too many things that have been bigger than me.
• 33:17
  I would not be the person I am today. I told my wife, funny, yesterday, no, two days ago, sitting at church, I said, hey,
• 33:27
  I said, man, I don't know what I would have done. I don't know who I would have been. I was in the music industry, man. I was doing my thing. And you do your thing and you look for happiness and joy in all the places and peace in all the places. And you're out partying. You're out doing things and girls and blah, blah, blah. Woo, let's go. And you're on stage and you're speaking for them. I'm performing in a boy band, right? So I'm 19,000 people opening up for this Disney thing. Yeah.
• 33:50
  And then you go home and you're like, that's really cool, but it's like a thirst that's not really quenched. But for me, Kelly, like, and this is just an honest, this is an invitation. Like I, wherever you are in your life, if you would have told me that I would have been a Jesus guy or like, I would have been, uh, you know, this guy, I would have been like, right, right. You know, when I felt this love that I couldn't comprehend mortally, and I'd felt a lot of things.
• 34:15
  When I felt that peace that passed my understanding in the hard times that really forced me to ask the real questions, death made me ask, what's after this life? It was more than a Sunday school question, not like heaven or this. It's like, what is it really? And I had to go through the journey myself and wrestle and ask and seek and knock. And my personal witness or whatever you want to call it,
• 34:42
  it's just my experience because I sought genuinely and I wrestled with all the questions and I went to all the different faiths. I even took college classes on different religions and faith because I said, you know, if there is a God, I want to know if there is one, I want to know. And if there isn't, at least I gave it a real shot, you know, and it's changed my whole life, man. It's really has that foundation in my life. Hands down, hands down without question is, is, is a rock for me.
• 35:13
  I'm feeling you through the computer, man. I appreciate this. Thanks for coming on. Thank you. And this is an instant classic. Again, I can't even get through my questions because it's so good. I'm not going to have to tell anybody to share this one. So you touched on it. You got an Emmy, and you freaking have it in a box. So we haven't even touched on the boy band, the musical. So you have this background in music and entertainment. How did that journey begin, and what role does music play in your life now? Man.
• 35:42
  Yeah, so the Grammy was a really interesting story. We did a song with Gladys Knight, and her album won at Grammy. We didn't even know until like...
• 35:50
  I think it was a day after their manager calls like, by the way, the song. I was like, Oh, that's dope. You know? But you know, music has been a big part of my life. A lot of times we, I was a kid that had his ear to the speaker, listening to all the R and B groups, trying to, you know, imitate them as a kid. And then I just loved harmonies. I love singing. And it was honestly like an outlet for me. And this like interesting, creative hybrid person,
• 36:16
  I love writing music. I love creating things that help people, whether it's a song or business, right? I just feel like it's all creation. And so music has been a big, big part of me. And honestly, like my group, it's funny, one of them is getting married in a couple months and I'm one of the groomsmen. I'm like, but those guys helped save my life. They were good guys. And traveling the world and being on stage, something that literally makes me do what I do now, we were in Puerto Rico.
• 36:44
  And we were opening for Raven-Symoné and a bunch of Disney acts who were really big at the time. And I remember we were backstage. We sang. We got on stage. And we just say a few words. And it was so loud. It was so loud.
• 37:05
  And I was like, and I would say anything and they would just cheer. And I was like, the power of this microphone, the power of popular culture, the power of music to change lives is crazy. And at that moment, I was doing such deep work on myself.
• 37:21
  And I started, you know, I started, you know, when you're going through something, you could see other people that are going through it. And I started seeing so many people in their insecurities, their fears, in their bondages, in their suffering, whatever that was. You know, I have this list of like 67 fears that I saw, you know, as I traveled the world and I work with people, I'm really grateful to do that. I, you know, whether it's,
• 37:43
  You know, there's a list. I mean, I'm happy to share with you. It was just like, but I started witnessing and noticing there was different faces of the suffering, but it was fear instead of love. It was this moving instead of grounded presence and powerful presence is what I call it. And I said, this microphone is powerful, man. And music is powerful.
• 38:08
  And I'll just fast forward to the power of it. It's funny. Not many people know this because I think I confuse the heck out of people with what I do. I had a guy come on to me. He had an exit in a company and someone told him that working with me for three months was... They've been trying to resolve something for like 17 years or something. And they worked with me for three months and I had a powerful breakthrough. And this guy goes, I tried to research you and I didn't know if you're going to sing me a song or heal my trauma. And I just started laughing because I was like, I just don't like confusing people. But something that I don't promote as much.
• 38:38
  You know, I, a couple of years ago with the whole God stuff, I was like, I just want people to feel safe wherever they're at. Like there's no judgment, you know? And so we created this event and it was like, come wherever you are, whether you go to a church or don't go to church, don't know God, don't believe in God, love God with all your heart, like whatever that is, just come. And I want to create a safe place for people to feel loved. We started this whole thing. And last year, um, this will, this will tie into the power of music, um, um, um,
• 39:04
  we just decided to release a song in this group called The King Will Come. It's mainly faith-based but very authentic music. It's not preaching. It's like, man, this is where I'm at, right? The song went viral. It was like 15 weeks on the Billboard charts last year. And today on TikTok, I'm scrolling, and I literally see this video. So as I go to my inbox, because I forwarded it over to somebody,
• 39:32
  I literally see this video and it's this girl covering the song in tears on the floor with like 4,000 comments. And I'm like, that's the power of music. It was the power of authentic music.
• 39:48
  And the song is called Yet, and it's like, God, just don't give up on me, I'm just doing my best. And there was this prayer this girl gave, and she's like, dude, I know I've come so far, but got so far to go. And with these brand new scars and this broken heart, it's hard to really know if there's a reason, and I wanna believe it, so don't give up on me. And it's like, you hear this song, and,
• 40:11
  This guy, so yesterday, who has a place in Africa, he's like, dude, it was the biggest song in Africa. And we're like, it's crazy how you could create one authentic thing and put it into the world, and it touches the hearts of people who are feeling it. And so music has been a profound thing for me. And being in that boy band early on,
• 40:30
  Seeing the power of a microphone, the power of pop culture, and the power of a song really built the foundation on what I do today to spread more goodness through pop culture, through creativity, through whatever creative aspect I do, whether it's a business or collaborations or campaigns or music or these festivals or whatever we do. But there's power in meeting people where they are, loving the freaking hell out of them.
• 40:55
  and just walking each other home. And that's kind of like been my understanding of music and all this whole world. I figured it out. So you say safe a lot. And my entire upbringing, the reason why it's called harder than life, because I had to build this hard exterior. It's why I'm a big muscular guy, because my parents were extremely abusive, physically and mentally.
• 41:24
  And it was never safe, Henry. So as a child, the only safety I had was throwing out records and cassettes. That's how old I am. And escaping for a little bit. So music to me is peace. So I've been watching your content and you're saying peace over progress.
• 41:47
  All I want is peace, clarity, and freedom. It's all I care about. I love that. If it messes with my peace, it's got to go. Because I fought violently to get here and get to this peace. And that's why I resonate with you. That's why I need more of you in my life. And I just enjoy it. But I got to tell you another story. I just went to Cleveland yesterday.
• 42:10
  And when you're in our business, you're always taking in content and you're reading and you're just advancing. You're a sponge, so I need to be alert at all. And I want to bring in more content. I always have a podcast or a book, something where I'm learning. I took my convertible and I grabbed a cigar, my one and only vice, and I did a three-hour car drive.
• 42:33
  and just jammed fricking hip hop and, and, and, and zoned out for three hours. Now on the way back, I listened to a book. So I haven't done that Henry in years. Since I started the heart of the life brand, I hadn't, and it felt like a, like a day off from the gym. Like,
• 42:52
  Well, it was so foreign to me because I never do it. It's always advancing my being. So I figured you'd get a kick out of that big smile. I want to show you one more thing, please, please. So you got a hat on to heaven on earth book behind me, four agreements and this chapter seven is heaven, creating heaven on earth. And that's literally what you and I are doing. And if you read it,
• 43:20
  It's called The New Dream, Heaven on Earth. I don't know if you can see it, but this is how the Harder Than Life podcast and brand was born. Somebody that was abandoning me, I'd been abandoning me, bought me this book, put a freaking thing and said, here, read this short chapter. And I took this book and I put it away and waited like a year and a half. And during the pandemic, I grabbed the book off the shelf because I was ready and read Heaven on Earth and then went back and read the foreground. And now I read this over and over.
• 43:50
  And there's a bunch of them here because I buy them and I hand them out to people. But there's no coincidence that you have heaven on earth. And if you do the work and make it happen and listen to Henry and listen to heart of the life, you will create heaven on earth. That's right. And everybody does a little bit different. Like I talk to God. God doesn't talk back to me. But holy smokes, do I feel it? And I watch it work. I watch him work his magic. I will ask for something specific.
• 44:20
  And it comes. So I'm a believer. Let's get 45 minutes into this. I got two questions down. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you. Thank you so much for being on here. And I just, I really, I think the world of you. And I can't wait to break Brad with you at the next concert.
• 44:37
  Um, overcoming fear, my friend, um, you often talk about overcoming fear. Can you share a personal experience where you had to face a significant fear and how you managed to overcome it? This is, this is the everything right here. Story of my life. Um, it's like the whole story, man. It's literally, I feel like I'm never stopping in a, in a good way. Right. I think that I've just changed my relationship with it. Um, if you want my honest opinion, um,
• 45:05
  I feel like I have this saying, expect fear, choose freedom. And so expect fear. Like I expect it all the time. Like I hope...
• 45:15
  Kelly, next time I see you, I have like seven more stories of, dude, I felt this resistance. I felt this fear. And dude, chose freedom instead. Chose love. Chose the truth instead, you know? And healed myself through it. And didn't push it. I didn't have what they call emotional override. Because I used to be like, suck it up. Just push through it. Go. It's like, no, it doesn't work. You know, it's funny. So I have this notification on my computer right now. It popped up. It says, powerful, loving presence.
• 45:45
  to remind me here right now. I do that daily. Like whenever I experienced that, it's like walk myself back in powerful, loving presence. So I just, you know, it just popped in my there. So I'd share that. So a specific situation, man, I I'm, I'm literally going through my library of like, you know, like the all the different ones. I mean, I know I shared some on stage, some, um,
• 46:15
  some, you know, whether it's the children want the childhood ones or the celebrity one. So if you got something from stage or from childhood. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'll tell you this. This was an interesting one. So I
• 46:31
  This is, yeah, this is an interesting one. So about three years ago, I had this inspiration to create this movement in the world around healing, around inspiration, around love, around unity. It's called Higher Love. You'll hear about it in the coming years. And it's literally a movement and it's taken, it was big. It was really big. And I
• 46:56
  And I have some friends that do really big things. You know, one of my friends, she's raised billions of dollars to help. She helped eradicate polio in a country, right, with how much she's raised. And she did this whole concert. She's incredible. And I had this vision. And I had this vision, and it felt way bigger than anything I've ever done. It was a massive festival. It was a campaign. It was technology. It was community. It was influencers. It was celebrity.
• 47:27
  I remember it coming to me and I'd done at this point, I had done some pretty fun, big things. I, we did a, I was blessed to get lectured by Yoko Ono in her apartment while we did a project with her and the exit festival. I've been blessed to do these different things, but this was on me. Like this was like, you need to build this. The other ones, I was like partners and doing all this stuff.
• 47:52
  So I remember thinking, I need to open up my mouth and have courage because this is not a cheap project. This is not a small project. This is a very public project. And as I was navigating this, and Kelly, you might relate to this, all these different things came up for me.
• 48:10
  One is, oh my gosh, am I the one to do this? This is really big. This is going to be a very, very, very expensive project with some of the biggest government leaders, celebrities, influencers, mental health experts, you name it. It's gathering the best of the best from every part, every industry around the world to come together and literally ask the question, how do we stop the suffering and how do we help this world heal and bring it to a higher love? Yeah.
• 48:39
  That simple. And bring people from fear to presence, from fear to love, and go upstream to get the latest research and bring it back. So I sit there and I'd have to tell these people my vision. And I know that when you dream that big, some people will be like, ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 48:58
  And some people are like, let's freaking go. And some people go logical. I told some people that were very, very, very successful. And they're like, Henry, okay, I don't think you should do it that way. I think you should, I think you should go smaller. And I think you should do this. So I started getting all these people doubting me. And I'm like, am I crazy? And then all of my own doubts came in. And I'm like, was that God, God, when he like, he calls you, then qualifies you. And I'm like, so it,
• 49:26
  I had to face a few things. And I'm gonna go into one specific fear. I knew that there's a certain level of limelight that when you get into, you're attacked.
• 49:40
  Your family's attacked and nothing's the same, especially when you play at a certain level. That's just how it goes. You name anybody that's up there, even the ones that are doing really, really good, whether it's, you know, a self-help guy like Tony Robbins, a leader of a government, Jesus, you know, like you name it, they're attacked. Any leader of any religion, right? Like, and...
• 50:05
  a part of me looks at my wife and my girls and I'm like, I was so afraid that our life would not be the same if I stepped on this road that I knew our life would never be the same. And I had to reconcile that. And I had to work through it with my wife and actually have a conversation with her and say, Hey, like, if we do this, it's not going to be easy. There will be, and this may sound crazy. And if you're listening, like, well, what do you mean persecution? It's like, just go look at what,
• 50:34
  people that are trying to move the needle in the world on a very real level, what type of difficulty it takes to do that. And I mean, I'm not just sitting here saying, I'm going to do a video to inspire people. I mean, literally gather leaders of leaders and the top experts in the world. And I mean, you name it.
• 50:52
  And so I had to work through that fear of, and I had to ask myself the truth, Kelly, what are you feeling? What's the resistance you're really experiencing? Because at first I could have just said, oh, it's really big. And I'm just like, I was like, no, get to the root of it. What are you really scared of, Henry? You know, and I went through and broke it down into all the different sub fears and the way they showed up. And one at a time, I resolved them.
• 51:18
  And then next thing you know, even people that told me I should go smaller are on my board now. I have leaders out of Harvard. I have literally some of the experts of experts in the world on the board. Whereas had I not resolved it or downplayed myself and talked myself out of it versus getting so curious and saying, what are you really scared of? And let's go work through that.
• 51:44
  I would have been running, even if I ran forward, I would have been running with a parachute behind me because I never would have resolved the fears. I had to understand the fears. And I'll give you one more specific one because that one's like a loaded one. When I first, I kept hitting a financial wall and I couldn't cross a certain threshold financially. And I think I told you earlier, I used to have this belief where if I would make a certain amount of money, I was afraid that I would lose connection with my sister. You know what I did? I said, thank you for the information.
• 52:13
  Because my past doesn't have to dictate my future. So I went through, I processed it, I did the work on myself, I processed it with my sister, I did all these things. The second I processed it, it's probably like a week and a half later I broke that threshold.
• 52:29
  Because my inner world created my outer world. If you want to know what your subconscious mind is programmed at, just look at the results in your life. Look at your relationships. Look at your financial situation. Look at everything. And then go inward with love and compassion, not being pissed at yourself, and know that it's possible to change it. But you can't change what you resist. You can only change what you accept lovingly and understand how to navigate it and know your body's just been doing what it's programmed to do. I wasn't mad at my body for trying to keep me connected to my sister because I had a limiting belief.
• 52:58
  I was just saying, thank you for trying to keep me safe. And let's get to the truth. And with this whole thing around like, thank you body, because you love your wife and your kids and you don't want to put them through something. But I had to reconcile that if God put me here, then he's got me and my family. And so I had to reconcile that and let my body know it, not consciously, because how many times you consciously know you're supposed to do something, but you don't do it.
• 53:20
  Because when there's a battle between your conscious and your subconscious mind, most likely the subconscious mind is going to win. So we got to learn how to work through that stuff, you know. And so those conscious fears, like I didn't resist them. Expect fear. Understand the fear. Let it be a messenger. And then choose freedom. Choose to look at it with love and resolve it and reframe it so it goes into something else. And that's changed my whole life, bro.
• 53:45
  I love you, brother. Henry Hammer. Henry Hammer. I can't even say your name because I have notes everywhere. Everything you say, I'm letting you just talk because it's
• 53:58
  This is a masterclass, people, and this is a very successful man, just full of love. I'm gonna comment on a couple things. When I see the more doubters that I have, I know I'm on the right path. The best creations ever, electricity, the airplane, have always been doubters.
• 54:18
  So it's like if I know I was on a call with a bunch of my day job is IT. So technology, cybersecurity, and I'm on a call with a bunch of CEOs. I said, is anybody using social media for inbound leads? And they're like, no, how do you do that? And I'm like, great. I've been doing it for two months and it's working great. I go, as soon as I master it, I'm going to share it with all you guys.
• 54:43
  And they're like, leave it to you to do that. Nobody, nobody even heard of doing this. It's like what we do for our coaching program. I'm like, why can't I do that for IT? And it's working. And everybody's like, that's crazy talk. Okay, tell me it's crazy. And then I'm going to go do it. For sure. Not lost. Not lost in what you're the name, higher love. And I know you know this. Is that beautiful song by Whitney Houston, higher love. And knowing...
• 55:10
  the demons that that family faced and her beautiful, beautiful voice that I don't want to say wasted, but it was definitely cut short way too soon. It's a well-documented story, drugs and alcohol and, you know, and in Beverly Hills, as a matter of fact, and it's just, every time I see that, it's just that talent and that beauty.
• 55:32
  if she could have had access to what we have now, perhaps somebody could have, could have helped her. And that's, it just really talks to my heart when you say higher love. And I think of Whitney's beautiful, booming voice with that song. Dude, she's absolutely, you know, Dr. Gabor Mutti said, don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain. And yeah,
• 55:56
  When I talk about, I get emotional, man. This is, I genuinely love the people I serve. And when you think about what's happening in the world and people just don't know how to healthily cope or healthily work through and heal. And so we go to soothe in these very harmful ways. And it was crazy because after this festival in Serbia, I was sitting at breakfast because the festival goes from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m.
• 56:23
  It's kind of crazy, but it's our daytime. So it's nice because I just go in. It's like our daytime. I'm sitting at breakfast and I asked my wife, I said, hey, what was your takeaway for this? She said, I could see the power of higher love. And Kelly, I promise you, maybe within two minutes on the radio, as we're sitting there on the speakers in breakfast in another country, the song Higher Love comes on.
• 56:50
  And then the church bell starts ringing. Bing, bing, bing, bing. We're just talking about God? That's God? Yeah. That's God right there. It is. It is. I have video of it and my wife was like, you can't make this step up if you tried.
• 57:07
  It's beautiful, man. And I'll tell you, Kelly, I appreciate you and all the work you do. I appreciate everybody that's listening and watching that's just doing their best to serve and love because, my gosh, we need it. I need it. My family needs it. My kids need it. The world needs it. And we're all here doing our best. It's like, can we just learn to love and heal together and walk each other home? Let's bring as much light as we can into the world. So everybody listening, and Kelly, you for sure, thank you for the good you do.
• 57:36
  Thank you for the light that you are. And if you feel called to it, if you're feeling like, man, I know there's something for me to do, then yes. Yes, you don't need to compare yourself to anybody else. Just start. However long ago when I started, dude, I started over. I quit my job as a director of this massive organization and started over with nothing. It's like when you know you're calling, you just follow and you get there. And I'm not telling you to start over with nothing, but like,
• 58:06
  I said no to a partner position in a multi-billion dollar company because I knew this was my calling. And it's time for people to start answering their call and sharing and not letting fear keep you in a cage, but stepping into the freedom so you could have the relationships, the love, the impact, the success, the happiness and the peace that passes understanding.
• 58:28
  You know, knowing that the serenity prayer says, God, give me the peace to accept the things that I cannot change. And by accept, it's not just, it's like, I'll give that to you. The courage to change the things that I can. And that's Henry. And the wisdom to know the difference, man. And trusting the rest of it. You know, things may not have turned out all the time the way that I want them to. You know, my mom passing or other things like that. But I'm just going to move forward. Because what's your other option?
• 58:58
  You know, doubt, misery, looking down. It's like, no, I choose to do the work. And I choose to step into light. Crutches. That's the other word. It's not living, though. You said it a million times. I love, I can feel your passion. And if you're watching this on YouTube, guys, I mean, just watch his inflection of his eyes.
• 59:18
  He's a beautiful, beautiful human. And I receive all the kind words that you said. Let's get into the podcast a little bit. Yeah. What inspired you to start making the name of the podcast and making it happen, the making it happen podcast? And what has been the most rewarding aspect of hosting it? Getting to know beautiful people, man. And challenging myself. As you said, you start with episode one. You're like, oh.
• 59:43
  Is this thing on? Hello, hi, welcome to Making It Happen. And you look back and you're like, dude, I was trying so hard. And I really commend that Henry a long time ago that started it. You know, you're like, you sound like I almost deleted it once. I was like, dude, that's so weird. It was so bad. But then you're like, no, that was me stepping up. That was an example of my courage and my bravery and my fears. And for some reason, I think my first few episodes fell off of Apple. I don't know why, but I'm going to find them and put them back up. I think there, or maybe they're still there.
• 1:00:11
  But I went back to go back and look at all my episodes and the progression. I think it's seeing my evolution and just giving gratitude to that. And so meeting good people, challenging myself, seeing how the ideas I have now were seeds back then. And now they're grown into trees that bear fruit. Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  And I think it was just a challenge. It was a loving challenge. I remember the day I launched it, my computer crashed. I had my head in my hands. I was so sad because I couldn't promote it. And I'd worked three months to get ready to launch it because it was like a big deal. You know, when you're first launching your podcast, it's like, okay, I got the logo and I got my thing, you know, and I know what I'm going to say. And then you record the episodes and you spend time editing it.
• 1:00:52
  And then I launched it and my computer crashed right when I hit submit. And I was like, because it just didn't work anymore. And I was like, well, I guess it's out there. And so I can't tell anybody about it. And you have 10 people listening and then five and then 10 and then 15. And then you keep going. And then one day, one episode pops off. And next thing you know, like it hits number one or something. And then you're like, whoa. And then you go here and you're like, it taught me perseverance. It taught me to start.
• 1:01:20
  bad. It taught me to just go and give it my heart and know that everybody starts somewhere. And I look back and I'm like, I am not the same Henry that started that podcast. And I'm so grateful for that. It really is a reflection of growth for me. How many episodes have you done?
• 1:01:38
  Dude, I don't even know. It's probably like 200-ish. I don't know. To be honest, I'm not sure. I do seasons. I do sprints. It's not healthy for podcasting, but I just do seasons. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go. I'm like, and I'm done. I'm good. I'm chilling. But you just started ranking again. I'm like, yeah, I'm good. And so I know that's my thing. And I just go to these seasons. I've decided for me what feels good is I just do seasons. So I have spurts. So I think I'm probably at just over 200 episodes probably.
• 1:02:08
  Yeah, it's been fun. I love it. I tell you, I scoreboard watch all the time. I mean, we got up to number five, and I've always won behind Ed Milet. I'm like, I don't know what it is. I just want to get him. And then the last two weeks, it's dropped to like 20. And I said, you know what? Again, I don't think it was God, but it was something said to me, stop.
• 1:02:33
  Just do you, be you, and everything else will take care of itself. That's right. That's right. And, you know, we'll see what happens. Yeah. But making it happen, give it a follow, give it a rate. He's phenomenal. More of these deep conversations. I want to talk about one of my favorite, and you wouldn't believe this, but one of my favorite
• 1:02:52
  topics of conversation is emotional intelligence. Cool. I believe that every school in America should teach emotional intelligence because people don't know how to deal with their emotions. So you emphasize the importance of emotional intelligence like I do. Why do you think this is crucial in both personal and professional settings?
• 1:03:17
  Emotions move us, right? Great leaders know how to bring out and draw certain emotions. You know, you can either have emotions or they could have you. You know, you could either, I mean, emotions move us. And so unless you master your emotions, you know, you're going to run the same patterns in your life. Emotions will lead you to your freedom or emotions will make you stuck. Stop right there. Yeah. Hold on. Because you didn't say that. You're...
• 1:03:45
  It leaves your freedom because it shows you your triggers and your triggers are what you need to work on. So talk about that because what I was really talking about is emotional time. I was a hothead.
• 1:03:58
  If you pushed my buttons, I was coming out swinging proverbially, literally and figuratively, because I didn't have the emotional wherewithal and the emotional intelligence. And people just sit there and say, that's just the way I am. Or that's the way I was raised. No, it's because you haven't done the work. So if somebody continues to respond to a trigger in a negative way, what is the Henry way? Walk the listeners through that.
• 1:04:27
  Yeah, if you think of the word react, if you're reactive, react means to act again, to act out again. You're acting out the past again and again and again. Right? So that's, you think of the word reaction, oh, I'm reacting. Oh, that's not from here. I'm reacting out something else.
• 1:04:46
  So that'll lead you to go backwards and get to the root and ask yourself the loving questions, create new experiences, become more mindful, not resist yourself. What did you really need as a child? What would you say, Kelly? What did you want the most as a child?
• 1:05:02
  Oh, mine is so simple. I just wanted safety and love. Safety and love. And to be seen. Safety was the number one thing. And that's why I don't fear anything because I used all my fear growing up. I was scared to death, Henry. Scared all the time. My parents would come home and beat on me. I was supposed to be safe. And he almost killed me twice. You see me scared now? Run. Run.
• 1:05:29
  Run. It said that was that mean run. Yeah. I mean that, but that's it. And you, you recognize, right. Whenever you're activated or you're triggered or whatever you want to call it, it's like, that's your body letting you know, Hey, I don't feel safe. There's something going on here. And what, if we wanted safety and to be loved and to be seen as children,
• 1:05:51
  When I react, when something happens within me, just imagine a little version of Henry acting out. And when I beat myself up, first of all, you can't beat yourself up into healing if you think about it, right? When I beat myself up, when I go push that little Henry down, I'm like, you shouldn't be this and you shouldn't be that, and I'm not really gonna hear what you're feeling and hear what that is. I'm doing to myself the very thing that caused that trigger to show up in the first place. Because I'm not creating a safe enough place to process.
• 1:06:20
  You said earlier, hold on, feelings buried alive never die. There you go. So I keep going. And that's it. You nailed it. It's like...
• 1:06:31
  I can't hate myself into loving myself. And if love is the highest frequency of healing, if love will heal and love will bring you back home, and I withdraw love when I'm pissed and I don't turn inward with compassion and love and bring myself to be with my emotion, not in it, and I'm able to look at it and able to understand how to navigate why I feel the way I do and walk myself back home, get the proper support system. Yeah.
• 1:06:56
  get some disconfirming experiences, meaning have new experiences. Thank my body for trying to keep me safe, which is the opposite of what we do. Right? And so what does that mean? Like, what do you mean, Henry? Thank your body. Like, look what it's doing to you. It's going to keep on doing unless you understand what it's really seeking. A child that's throwing a tantrum, like Mastekip said something really cool. He said, imagine three women in a grocery store.
• 1:07:21
  And one of their child's screaming. He's running around and she's yelling at him, you shouldn't be this and you shouldn't be that and you shouldn't be this. And as Tony says, you should all over them, right? And then there's another woman. The child starts screaming and yelling and she grabs the child and walks away and then walks away and doesn't get done what she came to do. And the third mother looks down at the child, goes down to him, takes a breath with him and says, hey, I'm here. What is it that you need? I got you. You're safe now.
• 1:07:52
  You're safe now. I need to let that part of me know that thinks it's still six or seven or five or four or nine or ten that I'm today years old, that I got you, that I have resources now. Because the reality is, have you ever seen a grown man throw a tantrum like he's nine? It's probably because there's something unprocessed at nine years old. So,
• 1:08:21
  What if I went to that inner nine-year-old and said, hey buddy, just like I did on that stage, we will. Hey bud, it's okay, we're safe here now. I'm here, I got the resources, this is it, this is our purpose. I found out his core need and I let him know, this is how we get our need. I no longer need those old strategies. I create new experiences, I do this inner work. Dude, the game changes, bro.
• 1:08:46
  God, it's so good. I hope you guys listen to rewind that. Your triggers, I want to remind everybody, your triggers are your responsibility, not other people's to tiptoe around. And also, if you wanted to think of it like the Batman beam,
• 1:09:01
  That is what you need to work on people. That is, you want to know if you're not self-aware, just write down what triggers you every time and you'll see a pattern. For sure. Head straight into that and your life will get better and you will create heaven on earth. A couple more questions and I'm going to keep them real, real short because I just, we just keep going. It's so good. I got future vision, legacy and advice for the future. So let's skip to legacy. What do you hope your legacy will be and how do you want to be remembered by those you've impacted?
• 1:09:31
  That I loved. That I loved with everything that I am. And I became the best man and I gave it all back. My goal is to look God in the eyes and say, I gave it all back. I gave it all back. That's exactly what the Heart of the Life brand is all about, giving back. That's awesome, bro. You're just beautiful. And again, anything with this higher... I mean, I'm not...
• 1:10:01
  I'm not a billionaire, I'm not big time, but anything you need for the higher love, you have my cell phone number, message me anytime. And if you say it, I'll be there in a second. I appreciate it. So let's end it with advice for the future. For those looking to follow in your footsteps, or maybe heal, whether in personal growth or professional development, what advice would you give people for the future? I'm gonna trust what came to me when you asked that. I'm gonna go with my heart, not my mind. I want you to know there's hope.
• 1:10:30
  If you're listening, there is hope.
• 1:10:34
  The reason why Kelly does what he does, the reason why I do what I do is because we've been in a certain place and we got here and we're still moving forward. There is hope. Where you are doesn't mean that's where you're always going to be. If there's a vision in your heart, if there's something in your mind, if it's inside of you, you just find a way to navigate those fears, to navigate these things and go forward. Keep doing the work. Kelly said it earlier. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when for me. I always pray to God and I said, God, give me this. And if you don't give me this, I trust that it's going to be better.
• 1:11:02
  and I'm going to do what I can with what I know I can have and have power over, but I'm not going to stress out about things I don't, but you better believe I'm going to show up with all my heart with the things that I do have power over. That fear is not a death sentence or a cage. It's an invitation to move forward. That there is absolute hope,
• 1:11:22
  There is a brighter future, the best can be yet to come. And that's not advice, but I want to instill that inside of you and I want to remind you that maybe that's just a reminder that you needed to hear today. That sometimes our subconscious mind works in a way where we believe where we are now is where we're always gonna be, if we're happy this is how we're always gonna be, if we're pissed this is how we're always gonna be, if we're sad this is how we're always gonna be. It's like you and I both know that it may not be today.
• 1:11:48
  It may not be tomorrow, but if we just keep working, we'll find a way. That's it. Just keep going and seek higher truth. Seek higher love, seek higher counsel, seek higher wisdom. Go figure out who knows what you need to know and just ask. You cannot do it alone. I tried it for too long. You cannot go to trauma island. How good can you handle life?
• 1:12:17
  So it's time and there's hope, man. And you're loved. Just freaking, just trust it. Even if you're like, man, I'm a low owner, man, I got this. It's like, no, your heart's beating. You're here for a reason. Keep going.
• 1:12:32
  Beautiful. Remember, I can't believe we made it this far. We haven't said everything happens for you, not to you. Faith over fear. You matter. You're here for a reason. You are batting 1000. You have overcome every single adversity and life is supposed to be hard. You know,
• 1:12:52
  Being rich is hard. Being poor is hard. Being dead is the only thing that's not hard. So enjoy. Henry, I love you. And this has been a blast. I'm so sorry we went over, but this conversation was golden. Thanks for playing along. And I love you. And I cannot wait to see you again. The next time you're in Michigan, I know you were coming to that festival. Please reach out to me. And then when I'm in L.A. Wait, wait, where are you now? Today I'm in Utah.
• 1:13:18
  Next week I'll be in Northern Nevada and then I just kind of go around. Where do you live? I split time between Utah and Nevada right now, Northern Nevada. And I'll be in LA usually like once a quarter or something like that. Where in Northern Nevada? Outside of Tahoe. My wife's a farm girl. I'm in Utah a lot now. I just was in Utah last weekend, but it was just north of Salt Lake. Yeah, I'm not too far from there. So hit me up.
• 1:13:47
  I definitely will, man. I love you. Love you too, bro. Keep doing what you're doing. And I'll talk to you real soon. Take care. God bless you, brother. See you.
• 1:13:59
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.